Aunt Agony 270506

Originally posted by Alleycat:

the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.

I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.

Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.

Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.

Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.

A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.

Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.

Will really try to make her feel secured.


I think this is the root of problem.

So many times, when you see people with emotional defects, you can see the root when you understand a certain past - a devastating past that is probably unresolved emotionally and psychologically, which caused the viscous poison to linger. I don't know how she has been handling this implication since then, but I doubt it was well managed because when you looked into her definition of love, it is pretty warped.

You need LOTS of patience and endurance to before you could hope to re-define her definition of love. It shouldn't be changes from outwardly, it must be enlightenment from within, which will create those changes. When one attempt to change because of external pressure, it is largely because of fear. She feared to lose you, thus she had to implement those change to preserve status quo.

Changes must happen because there is strong belief and knowledge that it is the better of things. One must evolve and not temporary suit to its crisis just to avoid further complication, for an outburst will surely happen eventually and revert everything back to square one.

You have to resort to maturity to plant seeds of wisdom into her soul (to make use of Saturn [maturity] energy's to tame, discipline and forge understanding towards her vagary energy of Love) You got to heal what that is damaged and renew herself. And let me tell you that it is definitely not an easy feat and you may probably perish in trying.

Your only hope for this relationship to thrive and prosper is when she has evolved, as mentioned above. It cannot be plain changes that are devoid of understanding, apart from trying to maintain status quo because it will surely crumble with time to come.

Cheers