Aunt Agony II 130905

Originally posted by yonghao:
i have mean carry torch for a girl whom i knew her in my sec 1 camping the first week of school in 1994. let name her SL, she was my clasmate all the way to sec 4. at sec 2 i declared in class to everyone of my classmate i love her. she knew that too but she think too young to think about is. prehap wait until finish sec school study then talk about it as her parent quite strict with her.

but sec 4 a classmate call JX woo her as he manage to concieve her to go steady with her. i don't know that until a classmate call QW told me that, but i bless them at the best. At that time i have a girlfriend from other school call SM but she is not the one i love. so we finish our sec 4 at 1997 and leave the school. she have already break off with JX and QW go after her. QW to me is fuuk people in the world lie here lie there boost himself. i saw QW and SL together at 1999 Sep in our ex sec sch where they having moon light festival. from there i told myself i still love her as i unable to love other girl whom i met before, i am still single today. that night i have a feeling in my heart so painful until i almost cry ask why. few month later i heard my friend who is best friend in school told me i have chance already as she broke of with him.

i every friday not working sure fetch her after work. one sunday at year2000 before CNY i call her to tell her i really wish to hold her hand care about her but she told me she not ready to accept my love as she need time to forget QW. fuuk i told myself, what the hell i doing unable to show her i care her, like her, love her. i got drunk daily almost even at my friend birthday i can finish a 3/4bottle of martell before midnight where the birthday cake not cut and have the gut to drive from east coast park to west coast. i work from monday to sunday in order to numb myself, every weekend is 8am to 11pm. so i getting headaches on and off at 2001, my company doctor refer me to sgh neurology doctor. at 2001 jun i leave the company to ns.

in ns train is hard tough as mono intake in amour, to go throught the train i got pain killer. as post out after bmt. to rp in a camp but mine problem getting worse, my leg slight badly when i sleep and doctor could not find out why, i was ask to go for sleep test and i confirm i suffering from narcolepsy and downgraded to e9l9 at sep2002. doctor told me i sleep ten time ten time are dreaming, no matter taking a nap also dream, condition very bad. if i am tired, sleep should be not a problem. SL do well in her career. after ord i start out my small trading company, thing pick fast. but i still often remind her i still waiting, my best friend told me still not QW she will choose me. i am glad, but often drink until drunk. and slow the habit kick off.

yesterday a class gathering i saw SL with a classmate of ours YH, they both left together in mid of the session at K-box at 8 and 8 plus we leave the k-box together. i think should i confirm call SL to confirm that she and YH are dating , if so what to do, bless same like last time, but i knew SL have a bad image on YH cos he make a remark saying her mom, lor so as he call her home, SL mom answer the phone and start enquire who are you and so and so.

finally i call SL in my car at her house downstair, she told me yes, i bless them, and in my heart the feeling i got the same actually what i got in 6 year ago. i drop the phone i scream and shout in the car and drove to kent ridge to scream and shout my anger out, i drink again, got half drunk. i wait ten year plus for her. i wait for her 5 year to forget her unpleasant past. i got this ending. i miss out so my girl, never get serious in woo and court a girl, yet i got this. stupid right, this call friend


Your spend ten years waiting for her? Or you wasted ten years revolving your life around a woman that doesn't give a damn about you? NEVER PIN your hope on somebody to tell you straight into your face to 'Move On; it's impossible between us' - because only a handful of people would react in such a way. Most of them prefer to lead their life, regardless of how others, whom they have no feelings for, loved them like crazy.

This isn't faithful... this is delayed delusion and truely long lasting indeed. You held onto a blind faith, thinking that if you could work hard by waiting hard, you may probably end up with her. You force yourself into delusion mode, slogging like a mad man, shifted your focus, but refuse to accept this cruel reality that has slap you not once, not twice, but several times.

Love is MORE than working hard my dear. Hard waiting equals nothing if you mean nothing to her. Have you thought of the fact that you are shoving your liking down her throat? So what if you have spent ten years waiting for her?

What has TEN YEARS have to prove anything?

So what if it is TEN YEARS?

It doesn't matter, isn't it?

The fact remains - your refusal and resistance to move on cost you one decade of youth. Continue to play fool with yourself, bask with self lies, get dead drunk and live in your world of delusion, you can persist in this dream of yours for the next ten years or how many 'ten years slot' you could spare - Nothing will change.

If Love was in the picture, you two would have been together right from the start.

Don't kid yourself.

Cheers