Aunt Agony II 250905

Originally posted by rouko:
just to set this straight im an ordinary guy who's 17 and studying right now. i have developed a liking towards a girl in my school for quite some time now but now, the question is do i have the courage to ask her out or should i even try? is it love or lust?

i dont know her, she's just another girl in my school that i see almost everyday since her class is just a few beside mine. lets call her J. nevertheless if u are curious about how she looks, i'll describe it to u now.. she's average height, face is a little bit chubby and has rosy cheeks but her body's slim.. mid-length black hair with a few highlighted often tied up in a single ponytail.. she looks like a fair skinned chinese with the small eyes and all.. the way she smiles and grins attracts me. heard she is a hairdresser too. some people say she's flat but im not liking her because of how great her body curves is, ill elaborate on this later. her dress sense never fails to fascinate me as i think that she knows how to carry herself well enough and not look cheap. what attracts me the most is that she has a demure and sweet side or her and the flirty side too.

i said that because she has a friend whom i dont really like for her character. ironically both their name starts with the letter J too.. she's absoultely super flirty, not sure if she goes for enhancement or something cos 'they' look fake to me.. although she speaks both english and chinese, it's heavily accented in her own way. she's the kind who loves to wiggle her butt when she walks. what im trying to say is that this so-called friend might have influenced her in a way to be slightly to the wild side.. im not really comfortable with this other girl since she's a big eyesore sometimes.

not sure if its love or lust cos ive made several critical decisions already. i know its stupid but i have taken the effort to make myself look good in front of her and specially trying to get to sit close to her in lectures so she will notice me.. at the same time get my class to do so too so that ill not be alone. it's been three months but i still havent got the courage to talk to her. i have a friend who's quite close to her but im not really close to this friend.. it's the hello and bye kind of friend.. she looks rather attractive in her own way so it's somewhat like inferiority complex when i step up to her to talk.. cos i dont find myself that good looking.. im an average guy. dont be mistaken, ive totally no interest in this friend of mine, just that she's one of my classmates during my first three months in another jc. yes if u are wondering she is mixed blood.

i have learnt my lesson and will not tell big mouthed people about my liking for J cos some people in my class cant keep secrets. they have betrayed me on many occasions and now its questionable to even regard them as 'friends'. sad to say now although i have made a reasonable amt of friends from the start of the yr, i have yet to discover who my best friend is.. the person who is willing to share all sorts of problems and give a listening ear to me in times of need. my best friend is currently studying in another jc now..


most importantly i am 100% sure J is single as according to her friendster, she's single and available.. she writes testis about how she will inform her buddies when she ever gets a bf. and that is quite recently. i believe that if i dont act fast, other guys will get her soon cos she's very comfortable speaking and interacting with guys from what i see, but its all friendly talk.. no feelings. as for me, im a little shy when it comes to this cos i was from a single sex school.. but for a girl like this, im willing to make any sacrifice just to know her better and have a chance to see her everyday. so far, only ONE person knows about this but sadly he isnt taking me seriously and when i consult him, its always one word replies.. totally regretted telling him about this but i'm almost 100% certain this guy will keep his mouth shut cos he's a good secret keepers. things go in but never comes out.

understand that promo exam is coming and i shouldnt be dwelling on such things at this point of time. my studies are a little screwed up too.. possibly because i think too much. i really really really like J a lot and if i approach her and tell her my feelings, and it so happens she rejects me.. i will feel very sad. i want to know her as a normal friend first and gain acceptance from her friends as well.. im not very handsome and muscular but rather average only.. how should i go about doing it?


You articulate and present your words pretty very well - but still, it only boils down to one simple fact: so far, nothing concrete has be done, made and achieved. You got too much thinking involved that you congregate all sort of useless thoughts into one consideration as though everything is related. Careful analysis, you would discover that it is all the cause of fear and I will break all these down for you.

Lust or Love? I am quite surprised that you even question yourself this - simply based on the fact that she looks great to you, in outer personality and in dress sense? Lust operates on a deeper level, definitely with sexual connotation to your thoughts and feelings. But if in general aspect, if she appeals to you, it is very likely due to your liking for her. Love blinds people - we see the thingy we love to see. Love made us see what's good in someone else. If she looks good and you hold interest for her, why should this be classified under lust unless you are thinking of ways to get into her pants and be gone?

Your crush mix around with this woman whom you dislike? Well... do you have any intention to chase that woman? No? Then why put her under this flow of thoughts?

Then you examined your strength and felt that your flaws are overwhelming. Name me someone who is completely perfect in all circumstances? Duh... probably God. It is all a state of mind when we talk about self esteem and confidence. Basically how good you are depends on how good you thought of yourself. Because when you feel good about yourself, the air that you exuded is different from one that lacks confidence. This is not arrogance, rather, this air is soothing, comfortable and lasting. It influence people on a sublime level and make them feel positive.

You terribly lack fire elements: and would probably do well with some initiative and action. If you put all those trains and trains of thoughts into other usage like devising ways of trying know her instead of trying to get your presence felt only, you may actually unlock some path to walk than this stagnation you are facing now.

If you must fail - fail with an answer, than perish in your thoughts that go nowhere. Better to fail once and learn something, than having to idle and nothing gain cause nothing venture. Of course, we all fear rejections, but if the fear of rejection and disapproval is removed: nothing can stop you.

Cheers