Aunt Agony V 060108

Originally posted by Yuki~!:

Dear AA,

I'm 16 going on 17 this year and I've been attached to my bf for almost a year now

I think that he's no good for me but I just can't say no to him.

1. He distracts me from my studies

He doesn't really encourage me to study. Even when my very important O levels were nearing, we often quarrel because I wanted to study and he wouldn't let me because he didn't want to end our phone conversation. For that, my studies has gone down the drain. I just wish he could be a little more supportive. I hate to quarrel with him.

2. He constantly spends my money

He's always broke & always asking me to pay for things, saying that "Money is meant to be spent". He would plead with me to lend him money & I ALWAYS give it to him. & He almost never returns the money I lend him. I spent more than a $1000 on him last year.

3. He ABUSES me

He verbally abuses me. When we fight, he would scold me vulgarities (eg: calling me a f***ing b****) and humiliate me, if he got the chance. When I told him I want to break up with him, he would threaten me, saying that "he would make my life hell". He also threatened to tell my dirty secrets to the world.

4. He's ruining his own future

He's retained in Secondary 3 for the 2nd time this year. I, as a girlfriend, feel a little ashamed when my friends asks me why my boyfriend is 17 and still in school. He constantly skips school (& tells me to do so too, sometimes). I try to tuition him and wake him up every morning to make sure he goes to school but my efforts usually goes to waste when I get his report book. I mean, if he wants to marry me in the future (that's what he claims), how on earth can he support me?

5. He's violent & bad-tempered

I'm afraid to make him really, very angry. I mean, he gets angry over the most ridiculous things. There was this one time, during a fight, he pushed me & I fell backwards. I cried my eyes out but he didn't give a damn. Several times he used sharp objects to scare me so that I give in to our little argument, eg: Beer bottle & razor

I feel very lost as I really have a lot of feelings for this guy. But he really bullies me. In short, he is a delinquent & I know I have become one, too, under his influence. But I want to change because it's a new year & I want to go to Poly to start things fresh.

How can I say no to this guy who's still is Sec 3 this year & isn't at the same level of thinking as me? Is there any way I can turn him around? See the way I see things? I feel that if I break up with him, I'll regret because I love him a lot. He told me many times that he really loves me a lot. But why do I feel otherwise? Please help :(

This is classic conditioning in a karmic relationship - you are conditioned to his fear strategy as well as being imprisoned by your karmic debt to his cruelty and abuse. In normal circumstances, run-of-the-mill advice will probably not get to you because of this karmic bondage you shared with him. Therefore, I will give no advice, other than an analysis of your own plight, which I will mirror your inner self, in words, to my best effort.

I can tell you eventually, you will suffer emotionally until the day this karmic debt is cleared, before you are bestow the necessary clarity to leave this man. It's so blatantly, proven a million times in my studies of Love & Relationship, especially since you are still fledging in the aspects of Love.

Many would have probably talked about your stupidity in your choice to remain with this man, but somehow, that hardly change your decision. The reason why is because you are somehow conformed to perceive that an abusive is a 'norm' in Love. Your refusal to leave your desolated isle to experience a better life outside this hell is because you are subconsciously conditioned to this delusion that you will never find a better life than 'hell'.

But logically speaking, let me ask you: what are the chances to find a better place than hell? It is one hell of a high possibility! What can be more hell than hell itself?

You harbour on the possibility of changing him; let me tell you, you will never succeed because you are trying to change a man into another entirely different man. And ironically, the day when he change, trust me, you will never want him.

Illogical?

Because that's exactly the way karmic relationship and our cosmic lessons function. When you evolved a karmic relationship into a benign source, it will cease to exist because this negative link is shattered.

My best friend, in exact same scenario as yourself, stayed in a screwed relationship for five years. When she left him, this guy, end up coming back to beg her, tried to ask his parents to talk to her, promise to marry her, with not-so-screwed personality, etc.

But eventually he did nothing that could make her return.

Yes indeed a change man - something that she seeks years back. But because the karmic debt has been cleared - the bondage is broken. Even it was something that she wanted, eventually, it merely marked the end of the relationship because, this guy merely provides a cosmic lesson for her to understand that an abusive relationship is never a relationship - it's karmic by nature.

A woman like you prefers to believe in a known evil than an unknown evil.

There could also be other factors that worsen your situation. If you are the sort of woman that cannot survive without the structure of a BGR, you will accept an abusive relationship because being alone, to you, seemed to be a greater price to pay than being in an abusive relationship. So illogically speaking, somehow, the trade-off seemed 'better'.

What happens is that you will probably suffer until you implode one day. Nobody can or will do anything to alleviate your pain because this is the price you pay for your decision. First Law of CloUdiSm states: we all have the freewill to decide the partner we want to accept - when you abrogate your freewill to 'false destiny' and accept a partner of such calibre, then you will suffer the consequence of your action.

When you need a shoe, you buy a shoe. You don't purchase some leathers and attempt to make a usable shoe out of it. Therefore similarly, if you seek a good boyfriend, you don't go for a cannot-make-it version and tries to convert it into a good boyfriend - that never happens in love. I can assure you this.

An abusive partner stays abusive - until he becomes a shoe, he will always remain being some leathers.

But of course, if you are insisting to buy that piece of leather, no one can and will stop you. But when you eventually realise you cannot do anything with piece of inferior leather - you only have yourself to blame.

My best friend took five years to understand this - I wonder how long would it be for you.

Cheers

Aunt Agony IV 060108

Originally posted by fareez:

Right now im feeling everything, sad,frustrated, angry, agony, hopeless..everything until i dont know what to feel anymore..my heart is empty..the girl i love, and i know loves me..said to me to forget about her..because she's gonna get married to her steady boyfriend, that she already met before me..i know that i am the one that she really loves, but she's already so steady with the bf that they already know each other's family..

for 3 months she didnt want to talk to me, just because i turned down her invitation to dinner with her..from late september until december..but when she's willing to talk to me again, she told me that she's already moving someplace else..and she's gonna get married soon..

I don't know what to do..should i convince her not to marry..but im afraid that she will be angry with me for trying to steal her happiness(she still thinks i don't know that she loves me) :cry: ..even though i know she's not happy inside..

Or should i just let her go..knowing that i will lose her for the rest of my life..

That's what you only think.

Your post reeks of narcissism.

You might be somewhat a transition during some period of her life, but that doesn't mean you are the eventual goal to her love life.

Quit seeing yourself as some form of 'solution' - because you ain't. You are probably more of a 'problem' than a 'solution.'

Whether she is happy or not - seriously speaking, it has little to do with you.

Who are you to her?

Just because you claim 'Love' - does it become as literal as it sounds?

It doesn't even take a second to recognise that you need her much more than she needs you. And your inability to accept her departure is because your Love is very much narcissistic; everything is about you, you and you. You tried to smokescreen this very fact and made it appear very noble of your intention - citing the reason that she will not be happy in her marriage because her decision is not you and only you could give her the happiness she needs.

A red herring.

Trust me - I laughed in front of my monitor screen.

I always do that when I speak to people and they relate such nonsensical definition of Love to me. It's almost delusional, to the point where they aggrandize their roles in Love to such legendary scale, as if a relationship with them will dissolve all woes and suffering and they are the panacea to all things in Love.

I say, learn to open your mind and heart. It's too narrow, constricting your perception in such awfully compressed manner.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 060108

Originally posted by justaname:

I know her for coming to 5 months and during this 5 months, as usual as most guys will do to a girl when he likes her. Communicating with her, attentive to her needs and so on...

Few months ago, I told her that I like her. No response so I wait and carry on dating her.

Few weeks ago, she told me she likes me too but she is not ready for a relationship. Fine. I will give her the time and also the time for both of us to trust and commit more. We are both working adult. Financially independent.

She is a girl who has plenty of suitors.

The funny thing is, I will really like to hear from the ladies that when you like a guy, will you meet him even though you are busy or with your group of girl-friends or after your activity be it work, friends or family.

Ladies, another question is, when you know that there are other suitors after you, and when another guy ask you out for movie, will you go? As for my case, she went ahead and for everyone info, I only went for movie with her once and it was in a case where she was not willing to go.

My inner voice is telling me that it is not because she doesn't want to go into a relationship. She likes the courtship from man. It is consider very sweet and is even better than in relationship.

For the man,

Am I sensitive to the extend that allowing her to go out with other suitors even she told me that she is going for a movie date with this guy cause she promise to go?

For the past few months, I'm so tired going after her. I have gave her all my love but she isn't. Sometimes I feel that she is testing my endurance limit and try to push me to the limit. I am sensitive to her needs and being very understanding at all times. I don't mind BUT if she doesn't love you, it hurts so badly.

Lastly, do you all think that when you are after a girl or a guy, one should remain consistent in his/her target and not be distracted by other choices?

When I'm dating a girl, I will choose to think in a way that I will not go out with other girls except her and if it work out. I doubt anyone will like the feeling of seeing the person you like to go out with another suitor.

I really try my best for this relationship.

She has her prerogative to date other man. Why not? She is not attached.

With this scenario, I must reinforce the importance of differentiated branding.

A woman with many suitors is akin to a product with many brands. If all the brands are similar, why should a buyer purchase your product? In linear thoughts, the woman would go for the man with the most cash, like your decision to buy product would go to the brand with the cheapest price - if there are absolutely no USP to shout.

I think there is this grossly misconception about dating - you guys overly emphasize on your selling, than to understand the buyer's mindset and to tweak your selling based on needs and simultaneously & constantly differentiate your brand.

I think the problem lies in your behaviour towards this chase; you felt, thought and behaved as if you are already in a relationship with her - when obviously you are not. It's no wonder why you would feel so drained out - wrong approach to a non-existing position in love.

She is only but a mere friend.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 060108

Originally posted by ahkeat:

people usually cross over to the new year in a happy mood but not for me.

it have been an painful year for me.. and heres my story.. i just think i might feel better if i write it out.

2007

im serving NS.

shes studying.

we have been having probs. she always complain i dun have enough time for her always think i neglected her. to some extent i did, however most of the time i dunno why did this happen. 'he' came in. 'he' was just a random friendster guy that pm her. 'he' was at the right time , at the right place. 'he' console her whenever we have fights, basically acting like a good guy.

i know of 'he'.

'he' have been doin alot for her. like accompanying her whenever she needs, no matter how late, like popping over whenever she needs company. these are things that im not really able to do. i got ns, no personal transport while 'he' owns a car n can go around as n when he pleases. im not rich so i do not have the luxury of taking a cab.

they got closer. 'he' started to display his true color as 'he' know she likes him now. 'he' keep asking her to break off with me but she didnt wan to and got angry n threw his wallet away. he was upset n went off, she went crying to me asking me what to do to appease him and she dun wan to chat with me becuz she needed to talk to him desparately. i knew it was over by then. i confronted her n ask her to pick n she picked me. i was happy but she was not goin to let him go, she said she still wan to keep him as fren. im soft hearted and thought she will do it(my frens say my heart super big)..

anyway, they were still on talking terms which got me upset but i decided not to say anything as i thought she needed time. the dreadful moment comes, she started to treat me very coldly till i cannot take it n asked her(EG, when i was at her place, he called she would pick up the call n dash into the room. i was quite upset as the day b4 she promised not to hide anything. so i decided to leave and she remained in her room and didnt bother to even give me a call. she claim it was just politeness to move away to talk)

she said it not abt him. she say she feels numb abt me n him. she appreciate what i do for her but she could not reciprocate anymore. she dunno how.

she wanted to come up with some kind of mutual conclusion but we didnt really get to any..

im really upset now. shd i just get over her n move on or try to salvage this r/s??

she is a really nice girl. her character n personality is what is still keeping me.. haiz..

This whole drama mama karmic-fueled relationship between the three of you center on one classic problem that always spark similar crisis - your woman's definition of love.

Her perception of love lies largely in the realm of emotions (CloUdiSm states the three realms of relationship is divisible by physical, emotional and spiritual); and the direction of this relationship is fetter by her intense need for companionship much more than love per se.

In other words, regardless of what Love means to you - if she doesn't have companionship, she strays easily. Such archetypes of mates are highly volatile and mutable - they seek to stabilise their emotions through the presence of their partner and they reckon such companionship as Love.

Not saying that Love doesn't have companionship, but when you reverse this equation - what I am saying to say is that not all companionships are love.

I was talking to my jie mei the other day and she suffers from this problem. Her rationale is that when she doesn't have her other half around, she finds herself easily 'strayable', especially when other guys are around when she is feeling 'low'.

You see, Love is a constant - it isn't a variable. It doesn't matter what your external circumstance is, but if this basic condition of Love still lies undisturbed, indeed, this relationship has transcends the need for a marked boundary to function as a 'relationship.

What kind of Love does one command, or wished to command, if his/her is so easily influenced by his/her environment?

Because a relationship is but two entirely separately individuals, with vastly different psychological mindset, personality and home environment, coming together - via freewill - in this imaginary bonds we call 'Relationship'. The truth is that we are not bounded into any relationship like what you could do to two items by tying them up with a nylon thread.

But we stay 'bounded' because in our hearts, we appeared to have melded into one. Therefore, in that sense, if we could detach this heart away from another just because the circumstance seemed 'fertile' for it, perhaps this love isn't functioning the way it ought to be.

Love never stays stagnant; it either provides growth or degenerates. Therefore if you cannot seem to achieve growth, chances are, it could be declining subtly without your acknowledgement. And I can tell you that it's not just negligence that is causing this .

This seeming-innocent-friendster-message-turn-into friend scenario is so gawd damn stupid. Let's preview the rationale behind this 'innocent' message.

Conditions before a guy would message anyone in friendster, that is not his friend, to 'ai cho peng you mai?' would be:

I) She must have looked attractive to him.

II) Please refer to (I)

III) Please refer to (II)

Duh.

Do anyone seriously think that guys message another woman in friendster just because he somehow, 'miraculously and mystically', finds her personality appealing and wants to know her? I think it's more likely for a guy to have taken fancy at her 34C, for example.

Understanding this, it's even more gawd damn bloody stupid for one to even buy such 'marketing tactics' employed by a guy through such medium. But the fact is that if it does happen, it only reveals one thing - that your woman will definitely not be able to withstand any form of relationship crisis because she is far too malleable and so easily subjected to 'mass marketing'.

And in economics, it's the law of supply and demand - she needed someone to be there, while he is seeking for one gawd damn bloody stupid woman to response. I can tell you that this guy probably messaged one hundred other ladies, spending his time prowling in friendster and sniffing out the more 'chio' ones. The other 99 probably don't give a damn.

The gist of his thoughts probably goes like this:

'Oh, someone did response. That's great! Time to zoom in for a 'catch'. Oh, got boyfriend? Who gives a damn. Army ar? Great! Because girlfriend sure kanna neglected one. Wah this woman very emo somemore. Good good. Bf no money, lagi best. Kanna-neglect-plus-emo-woman is best recipe for a snatch thief like me! Wahahahahhahahahahahhahaa... chong ar!'

The classification of this technique, I have seen and studied previously is segmented under the umbrella of 'AOBD' - the lesser version and to me, the strategy is passé.

Seriously, I say you deserve someone better. Personally, I cannot stand needy mates. Not because I am emotionally cold, but because my aspiration in life cannot be tied down by a partner who is needy and only seeks the companionship in love and not greater things in life.

In love, you need someone to walk your life with; side by side, hand-in-hand.

Not someone that craves for your attention to play with them all day.

In that sense, your growth will only limits itself to companionship and you will never grow out of this shell to fully experience the extends of the true power in love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060108

Originally posted by Scania N113CRB luver:

Hellos . Its me . Anw shall stop beating around the bush. Here's my story :

I broke up with my GF recently. Its her who initiated it. We only went steady for less than 2 weeks. I admit that i have very strong feelings for her , and i thot she had it too. I was wrong .

She was the first girl who tugged and pull my hand , the first girl i hugged . That experience alone , is unfathomable

Till today , she suddenly tell me this :

"Okay , i be truthful to you ! I dun really like eu , infact i dun like you at all ! I stead with eu only to make use of you to make me forget my ex. I till now still cant forget my ex. I wan a break!"

I'm not sad about the fact that i just got dumped , but i'm so gullible and so fun to be made fun of? :( From young till now, i'm always been made use by my friends . Even my cousin made use of me last year when he said this to my sis : "Wah *my name* very easy to bully leh"

And it hurts alot to know that you never got loved and your girl loves someone else ALOT . FYI , all my 3 other ex has never loved me too , well thats what thy confessed .

And i useless , guys?

That (in bold above) kinda explained everything - the experience of 'thinking' that you are loved with physical affirmation

You thought that your fate would change forever, but the truth is that it still ends up in the same dump.

And if you always reckon that you are easy and always live in that notion of being easy, you will always encounter woman that will take advantage of you, without giving a second thought. It's as simple as that.

Your cosmic lesson is blatant - until you learn to work through it, you will suffer in areas of love, life and friendship, with greater intensity as you grow older.

You are young now and there are many areas of self improvement you must seek. Only then, would you be able to strengthen yourself and win.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030108 (Continued from AA 020108)

Originally posted by tek_koh:

what about the still burning flame for each other.

You kept harping on this invisible flame that burns - or you reckon that it still does - but what effect does this fire have in your Love? Does it still give you the strength and endurance to continue ploughing the field of the relationship?

Or perhaps you are just afraid of abolishing this security you always enjoyed within the boundary of your relationship, to pursue something outside this familiarity, by artificially having to fuel this dying flame.

You questioned the identity of your relationship and could still tell me about this burning flame for each other?

A burning flame signifies the immerse drive to overcome the struggles in your relationship - not just helpless emotions capable of only 'feeling' and not 'initiating', for if you belong to the former, it simply doesn't justify the reason why you should drag things on.

'Feelings' are but product of our complicated emotions. If you reckon that there are still greater reasons why you should hang on, I say do something about it and not just sit by and watch the relationship decay gradually. Because if there isn't any motivation to do so; your burning flame is probably imaginary.

You probably made it exist.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 020108

Originally posted by tek_koh:

We got together about 5 years ago, she was sweet, gentle and innocent. I didnt really chase after her, we just got together, and we are really close, spending most of our times together.

As study years progressed she got quite competitive, and sometimes character changed abit. I became the one supporting her from the back, but sometimes its really hard and tiring to do so.

We have been through hard times together, but still loved each other even though we know that we are not really compatible.

Recently she went for overseas internship and said she found what she really want.

I meet a nice lady. We chatted alot and i found out that she has lots of similarities with me and i am comfortable with her company. Not sure of her feelings with me though, but we are good friends i guess. Much better den the current one

I dunno what lies ahead with me and current girlfriend but we really love each other alot. to Stay or to go?

I believe it is more of a 'because-it's-5-years-relationship' that contributed largely to this great reluctance to drop the relationship. This relationship is probably akin to a drunken stupor, running on marginal consciousness despite experiencing little growth.

Your relationship is merely being pulled along by sheer force - the moment anyone of you stop pulling it, your Love will perish with immediate effect.

Already, as it seemed to me, there are signs of a mutual desire in wanting out, but is hindered apparently for some unspoken reason/s. You have found someone comfortable and she has found what she wants in life - then, shouldn't the both of you pursue what you two reckoned that could provide the happiness each of you seek?

Without growth in relationship, often, there's little to look forward in Love.

Time change & people change; therefore needs change. True Love might be a constant, but our needs change as our inner self develops. Love may stay, but needs change because our Self condition will not remain forever in the same state as it did five years ago.

Surely there are reasons why you two ended up together five years back, but when we spiritually and emotionally start to evolve subconsciously - what that began the same, might one day diverge and grow differently.

Because Love is truly not about looking at each other, but in one collective direction. The minute the relationship loses this vision, it loses its soul to function.

Perhaps you might want to discuss with her if there is a possibility of this shared vision and how you want your relationship to move in the future. If there isn't a common goal, then perhaps, it might be beneficial for the both of you to come to a mutual agreement to null this relationship and end this amicably.

Why delay the inevitable? Reminded me of a Chinese Proverb - liu zi wu yong, qi zi ke xi (Mundane to keep, but pity to throw).

You don't have many 'five years more' to consider - especially your girlfriend.

Cheers

New Year Resolution

The year 2007 passed by in a breeze - it almost felt instantaneously.

I recalled, in front of this monitor screen, and I am pretty much satisfied with the all resolutions I have made for myself in 2007 because I can safely say that I have accomplished most of them - which marked a positive conclusion for this year. Although life was a directional struggle in early part of 2007, I have glad things have taken for a turn of event ever since I become focused and self-seeking.

I see a subtle transformation of myself, like all scattered energies previously felt (despite having the wisdom to discern what should I be doing) collating into one huge unstoppable entity. I reckoned I have played far too much in my youth (of course I can easily attribute that to Mars in 11th house, but that's not the point). Albeit it's not to the extend of sacrificing my academic study, I felt that I could do more. So much more.

Life is far too short - this year alone, two guys I knew passed away. Both high profile death and appeared in articles of Straits Times, pronouncing their demises. Although they are not exactly very close to me, but the notion of knowing that you have spoken to them not too long ago and now they are gone forever is indeed a doleful thought.

It's not traumatic; rather some melancholy emotion seemed to trigger, like some incoherent message passing through my mind, telling me that a quarter of my life has already been utilised - whether I come to term with it or not.

That's only presuming I can live until 80 or something. The percentage would adjust itself upwards if it's destined that I would have to return back to my spiritual home earlier.

I believe it's time for my individual aspirations to take shape and not lead life akin to lost sheep, incarcerated by materialism, false vision and suppression of our society, deluding and pretending that we know what we are doing with ourselves when in fact, we have no idea or the courage to pursue anything outside our safe boundary.

I swear that I must fucking complete my book on CloUdiSm and making it absolutely perfect, before I have it published and expire from Earth.

Also as important: HR Crew (I will allocate one post on it entirely).

The flavor for 2008's resolution is to dance, study, marketing, dance, study, marketing, dance, study, marketing...



(Damn, I uploaded wrong pic previously... sheesh)

Cheers

Friday Rendezvous.

Friday Rendezvous.

Dope shit.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 271207

Originally posted by LordIcarus:
Is it important? What if one day, your gf comes up to you and told you she's no longer one. How would you react.
I told her i love her & i don't mind. Am i doing the right thing?



The concept of virginity doesn't even exist in the spiritual aspect of love because it only bothers people who lead and perceive their relationship in the lowest of all planes (CloUdiSm three realms of relationship).

I find it simultaneously amusing and somewhat hypocritical for one to proclaim love for another, yet having to be so bothered by this virginity issue. It is logically impossible for relationship to devalue, if your relationship is initiated by Love and not via other elements. If the concept of virginity could diminish your perception of 'Love' for your other half, seriously, it's not even Love to begin with in the first place; therefore one would surely be bothered with the analogy of being 'used' verse 'new'.

True Love is a constant that doesn't get affected by its environment or any 'moment of truth'. This universal acceptance has absolutely nothing to do with being magnanimous; rather, it's a simple understanding in the mechanics of Love - of having unconditional acceptance.

If you are even casting doubts on your relationship over such mundane issue, I questioned the quality and definition of Love you are seeking.

Here's some food for thought: does it necessarily mean that a virgin girlfriend:

I) Makes a better gf?

II) Would enable you to have a more fulfilling relationship?

III) Would enable your relationship to last longer?

Without you answering: it's none of the above.

I see some illustrations with regard to why the concept of a virgin girlfriend is 'better' - well, I would agree with them if you perceive your Significant Other as nothing more just than meat/possession/goods. Such unanimated objects are valued by the usefulness of their existence; therefore, having it 'new' will surely lengthen its usefulness.

Does it mean the same for your Love?

Do you demeaning the classification of personality, character and soul of a woman to that of such unanimated objects?

Ironically speaking, how 'useful' is virginity?

Can it stop her from walking away (if she bends on leaving)?

Can it prevent your relationship from wilting?

Can it grant her to Love you again if she has lost that fiery emotion towards you forever?

No.

Eventually, it only mollifies one aspect - the Self. The exhilaration of unwrapping your Christmas gift and learn that your toy is new probably gave your inner ego a satisfactory boost to sneer around that your toy is brand new, while the other kids could only be contented with 'second hand'.

Although you are no wrong in desiring a virgin mate when you are likewise yourself, our expectation and our cosmic lessons hardly blend in perfectly. In fact, it often clashes violently, giving rise to conflicts of the mind and heart.

So what must you trust in face of these uncertainty?

Love, of course - Unless you never had it right from the start.

You can't believe in something you don't have.

Cheers

Peace, Education, Culture and Kosen-rufu

Tina Turner Chanting




CNA Interview with Dr. Lawrence E. Carter Sr. (Daisaku Ikeda)



A great human revolution in the life of one person can change the destiny of humankind and our planet - Ikeda Sensei.

P.S: To disable the bloody song, click on any 'comment' tab in anyone of my post. That would do the trick.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 251207

Originally posted by griefman:

Friends,

I have been hanging here about a month here, reading every thread about breakup and heart break. Mine not the worst but hit me hard. I have been into 4 relationship, 1st(8 months), 2nd(3 years), 3rd(9 months) and last(10 months). Still wondering what's wrong within me, each relationship learned and changed for better, it's not working. The same old reason, they leaved without giving a reason, sometimes I wonder is it true I have been cursed or the fortune teller is right that girl will not be long with me and they will leave to seek better opportunity. That's when we spoke about future and married, either I am not financial ready or they don't want to commit.

By the way, I am living in average lifestyle, just a bit credit card debt. It aint poor but still can go hanging out in nice restaurant or vacation within asia. Back to my recently break up story, long story short, I think I am an insecure nice guys that say finish last, but seem to be finish first. Named what the nice guys did and I am doing it all, being clingy(I have try to be minimized but sometimes they complain and I go further more), I seldom make decision(Yea, I am afraid she might have better decision, I guess I am wrong here), I always give in(we do quarell, but I always tell myself to tolerate and let her win), She called me when she's stressed with friend or family problem, I still attend the call while a meeting is on(I want to be the one she think of when she is not happy), She want luxury handbag(I save money and eat bread to get her), She's jobless(I pay everything except house rental to sustain her living), she name me a dog name(I don't mind as long as she love it), I tag her along during shopping, just like a puppy(Well, all guys did that right, sometimes I even paid for her), I massaged her every night and intimate with her even I am very tired(Never nag a word to her even she wants more). I open door for her in and out the car and carry all her shopping bag or anything(she just walk in front of me and yell me to follow her faster). By doing all this, I am tired, but I am happy. Is this the power of love? I don't know.

Fast forward, she got a job, stress up and one of her family member got sick and gonna die soon, she always complaint about how stress her job and boss, she never been working for exact 1 year(changed 3 job). I have tried to calm her down that every bosses is like that, try to deal with it, it's their job to monitor and ask you to do thing, do your best. Her family problem, I cant help much I am not doctor, I try to calm her down that miracle will happen and don't give up. Accompany her more. But she always called her so called best

friend(they know each other longer when I exist) who is male, I never nag about it but inside me feel unhappy and sad. So, not sure how it end, maybe his male friend successfully manipulate her mind or she suddenly feel like something not right and I can sensed it.

So, One fine day, I sensed that her reply in sms is abit weird(like stranger), when I touch her she refused, she's not naked in front of me as usual. I think she has changed and I discussed with her, she say she is stress up and don't know what she want in life. She is mess up with so much thing, she want a cool off. I was stunned and try to explained to her that it's fine, maybe a revolution period that you havent get use to, that day she move out and before that day we have a great day, we kisses, watched movie and just like normal. That's the last time I saw her. She tell me, it's still fresh in my mind "she's young(24 yrs old), she want to go out and see the world, she say she love me, if 10 she give me 9, the only one that not good enough is that I am not enough rich, she say if one day she fulfilled her dream or she is still single, she will come back to me and get married, she say that all her friends also like that, break off a period and come back and get married" Do you know what's her intention here? Please advise.

When she leave, in a taxi, I called her, she has changed 360 degree, she acted cold and from that day onwards, she never reply my sms and calls. Even when I called she pick up and say that I am irritating, I have No Contact for her about 2 weeks, then at the end the cool off become break off. Felt like being use as a fool to let her have chance to test drive herself can survive without me or not and it works for her and break off.

Two months gone, lonely and depressed, till date I still think of her everytimes, having No Contact but still doesn't work better. During that period, called her best female friend to talk about her and her female friend promised not to tell her I called her to seek about her current situation. Then today I called her to greet her Merry Christmas, she yelled at me say me irritating and don't called her friend anymore(She say her friend also find me irritating, not telling me because dont want to hurt me), it makes her sick. So sad, I rather didnt make the called. By the way, I have a month No Contact with her, just minimun sms a week 2 times, she say that's irritate?

Till now, I have only 2 question that's keep bothering me and I know I should let go, but it keeps hunting me:

1) Does she have a new boyfriend?

2) Does she have sex with someone else? (As she is sporting type)

I know is not my position to know and it's her life, not sure why it keep remind me of these 2 question and i wouldn't want to know but yet in my subconcious it remind me. Maybe when I knew the answers for the 2 questions, I can have a reason to move on?

Getting crazy sometimes, no friend to go out, just go gym and stay home browsing sgforums till midnite.

Thanks for reading and appreciate your advise.

Having to believe in fortune teller weaving a tale about your cursed destiny of having woman dumping you is probably next-to-crap. If you only recall his doomsday prediction and subconsciously see that as your destiny - it's no surprise to me why you will suffer from such plight and perceive it as inevitable.

Theory of fixed destiny, to me, is a classic charlatan speech that is detrimental to one's spiritual growth, especially when one decides to believe in such notion and accept them without resistance. Freewill and individual evolution will overcome any network of destiny designed to incarcerate us into one chosen path.

There is NO one chosen path - in fact, life is full of multiple paths, both converging and diverging. Your reality gradually forms as you initiate the decision to opt for your course of action. You are indeed the master of your own fate and destiny - therefore, if you cannot learn to control it, then circumstance will gladly take over and manifest whatever reality your circumstance leads you.

If you have been through four relationships, failing the same way you did previously, I seriously find it hard to believe that you have truly evolved. Surely you did learn something, but your learning is probably very much technical and not spiritual. Somehow, it seemed to me that your choice of partner also assisted the fulfilment of your 'cursed destiny' - your woman is pretty much a materialistic femme and you do not have the financial power to satisfy this aspect.

If your past experience with all these 4 women revolved around this negative materialistic quality, I see a problem in your natural selection and eventual choice. That would need serious tweaking and it belongs to another topic altogether.

The way you lead your relationship is catastrophic. I believe it has a lot to do with your emotional development because to compensate your insecurity, you subconsciously and artificially create a persona that actually sacrifices your long term growth for short term measure. You try to appease your relationship with periodic LV/GUCCI tributes, surrendering leadership & freewill to your other half, as well as allowing disrespect to thrive in your relationship - because you reckon that this would in turn make her love you more.

Serious misconception in love and even seriously weak personality; completely way off. WAY off.

CloUdiSm states: 'we attract the quality we exude...' And because you exhibit such vibes, it's no wonder again why you would attract such materialistic mates!

Her break off excuse is classic - you are not rich enough for her.

I wondered if you even have any dignify left in you to feel disgusted at such claim.

I doubt it's even Love now; your desire of wanting back is probably close to that of some melancholy habitual reasoning cum depression than Love per se. Your fear of loneliness utterly outweighs your understanding in love; never mind if you are being treated like a dog. Never mind if you have to starve to buy that LV bag for her - as long as it patches this loneliness and temporal misery, you will still accept the deal.

Because loneliness in your mind eye, is a still a higher price to pay.

That's the problem of having no life outside the life of your relationship - you end up ruining your relationship faster than you think.

You will probably need to preview your entire life and personality as a whole if you wish to see any success in love. I can tell you, without drastic positive evolution, nothing will change. Your cosmic lesson is screaming at you to graduate, but your lack of wisdom simply doesn't allow you the privilege to - you will retain and learn what you need until you truly understand, learn and demonstrate through actual proof.

Stop living in the shadow of a puppy and start living in the skin of a man. You are not born a beast, but a human with power to shape your destiny. Until you learn to walk on two, you will forever return back to fours.

Cheers

Worn Out

I am so worn out.

Packed like sardine.

With so many things line up for me.

I am beginning to feel that this body of mine is starting to give way to fatigue.

Sigh... not feeling well.

Can't even find the time to blog my Thailand trip. (Will try blog all the shit I had left it pending)

But whatever it is, eventually everything will fall rightfully in place.

I know it.




Cheers

Aunt Agony 211207 (Continued from AA 201207)

Originally posted by OrionB:

Yes, I do know where possessiveness exist, it isn't love...

Regading human revolution, what you wrote it may all just seem 'easy to say, but hard to do', but in the end, I will still have to do it. Can't possibly lead my life this way anymore.

I am already in a religion, but not so much of passion and conviction as of yet. Perhaps it's time to try. I really need a whole lot of determination...

Sigh, I just find it really confusing. I am one who doesn't revolve my whole world around him, and it's not that i lack self-confidence, or friends, but still insecurity/possessiveness bites into me somehow.

It's how you position your perception that makes a world of difference.

If you see it as a liability and not truly a motivation spur from individual evolution, chances you wouldn't have the necessary endurance to see through any significant changes. Your subconscious would probably view it as 'I need to' - when it should be 'Why I should'.

A murderer need not be a violent man - likewise, an insecure person can exist even if you do not fit under the classic conditions of the norm. Like I have mentioned, the possibilities are many - who knows, I might just uncover the rationale of your affliction by studying your domestic environment or even your early childhood development.

To surmount challenges in love is certainly a daunting task. To begin, one must have the initiative and drive to strike out. On a positive note, you do have the wanting to change yourself, but it's really more than just work hard. Knowing where the rot lies and addressing it properly will mould your personality and relationship better.

Constantly telling yourself that you shouldn't do this or that is what I called hard work that eventually amounts to nothing. You see - you tried, but it had little success because you are just pushing yourself to behave in a pattern that is against your 'natural state of your emotions'.

The definition of 'natural' is simply the way your personality automatically reacts to your environment - namely the possessiveness that triggers itself every time your boyfriend sparks an event that fire off your affliction.

To your emotions: that's the natural mode of behaviour. And now you are telling your emotions not to react this way?

You see the conflicts?

You got to do more than just 'selling of concepts' to your mind - you got to implement it into your core values and BELIEVE in what you have introduced with great conviction and trust that it will help you achieve a better personality and relationship. Note that I did not say it guarantees you an everlasting love - but certainly you will breathe easier in your relationship.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 201207

Originally posted by OrionB:

I have procrastinated long enough, I was always hesitating if I should write in here and share my r'ship dilemmas, and also gathering valuable advices frm the people roaming the forum at the same time. But I guess it's time, or I'll never be truly happy in my relationship.

One thing for sure, I admit that I am a possessive girlfriend. To what extent, maybe you guys can decide for me?

A typical scenario would be I am displease whenever he's around girls. I could just start an argument over little things that concern his girl-friends. Is this normal? Or am I being overly-possessive? Sigh. I know he isn;t the type who would turn his back against me, but still, knowing that he is around girls just make me feel ultra uncomfortable. What's with me? He tries to pacify me sometimes, and after awhile I would brush it away and be back to normal. But it comes back again.

I think I have highly fluctuating moods.

Another thing is that, I am extremely unhappy whenever he neglects me or something like that. For eg, if he replies a tad late (via sms most of the time), or if he forgets something such as bringing smth he said he would bring during our date, I'll be utterly upset.

This is childish, I know. But I can't seem to run away from this nature in me! One moment, i resolve to be selfless, that love should not be selfish, that i should trust him blah blah, and the next day, my willpower dissolve and I am back to the immature me.

There were times I blurted out hinting that we should just end the relationship, but somehow or other, we managed to resolve our problems at that point of time and continued being together. But that was only temporary before my childish act comes running back to me.

Friendships were never like this, only relationships. My previous one was the worst one ever, I don;t noe if it affected me into how I am today.

But that's not the point, I just want to know how should I (the possessive one) handle the relationship? Or should I set my partner free? I know he feels suffocated at times. Haiz.

I sometimes wonder if I should had step into a relation at all in the first place. Right now, whenever I feel like letting go, pain stops me completely. It's too hard to say break up. It hurts like crazy.

You lead a very intense relationship because you are unable to tame your emotions and yet allow it to consume you absolutely. Your failure to evolve has little to do with willpower; possessiveness can only be dissolve through wisdom and higher enlightenment. And ironically, pain exalts possessiveness. Therefore without the presence of wisdom, it's often reiterated cosmic lessons.

No amount of induced pressure can dispel this emotional juggernaut - you will only heighten your frustration and deepen the intensity of your struggle. There are many possibilities as of how did you acquire this poison in life, but regardless of circumstances, one thing remains common: possessive is almost like an emotional Trojan residing inside of you, perpetually seeking to introduce 'communism' with every relationship you encounter, as you see your partner as a form of commodity/possession, subconsciously working to deprive of your relationship of maturity, space and growth (it's worst if you are heavily bogged down by several fixed aspects in your natal chart).

The truth is that you will eventually ravage your own relationship with your bare hands as your emotional affliction take step to dominate - akin to demonic possession. You find yourself usurping the crown of power and tilt the equilibrium towards you in full swing, albeit the division of power is originally split equally between the couple.

***

Allow me to banish some myth in which you would probably see yourself in:

I) "I am possessiveness because I am afraid of losing someone I love. And it's only right because it's somebody I love.'

The truth is that you indulge yourself in fear - so much fear that the essence of love is hardly even present. The word 'Love' is very much desecrated by the notion of fear, like a malicious spirit lurking behind a corrupted idol. If I could reframe the context, it will look like this:

"I am possessiveness because I am fearful. And it's only right because I fear.'

And I tell you because of ONE negativity, your entire life actually work to compromise and bends, sometimes illogically and breaking structures, outwardly to support this fear.

Let me illustrate a linear example that comes back in one circle:

> Because you fear, you are possessive.

> Because you are possessive, you exert militaristic control.

> Because you militaristic control, you rob space & growth of your love.

> Because you rob space & growth of your love, the foundation of your relationship is feeble.

> Because your foundation of your relationship is feeble, your relationship does not have the natural mechanism to fend off crisis.

> Because your relationship is unable to fend off crisis, it perishes or decimate greatly.

> Because your relationship perishes or decimate, it triggers more fear.

> And the cycle repeats.

In reality, the above relationship is much more complex - the connection is usually more radical, affecting all aspects of your life.

Just because of ONE negative condition in life - Fear.

***

II) 'Being possessive is natural'

That's completely bull - Possessiveness is an affliction that disguised itself behind many 'noble' intention/s. The noble intention is but a facade.

***

In my years of doing relationship analysis, I can tell you that people suffering from possessiveness never truly shake away from this. Most people live with this affliction till they expire from earth and thus, they will never experience the true happiness of love - forever chain up in primary dimension of love... never promoting.

There are only three ways to eliminate this Scorpio-classic: I will tell you the third pointer

Achieve human revolution – You first learn to discard your old self and learn to accept growth in love - not deny them. You learn to confront your fear and not having to succumb to it by having to compromise your circumstance to patch this negativity. Be religious and spiritual; pray with conviction to the higher entity you believe in or communicate to your inner self in sincere dialogue to evolve and the strength to remove this affliction that prevents you from attaining true happiness.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 181207

Originally posted by Allen.Iverson:

i like this girl who is older than me by a year. been goin out with her and i like her. shes interested in me as well. but we always run out of things to talk about and there will always be awkward moments of silence.

furthermore, i feel that i lack the ability to make her laugh alot. girls like guys who can make them laugh but i cant make her do so often. how can i not appear to be so dull towards her?

pls dont tell me that its who i am and i shouldnt change the way i am cos i believe that it is a personality trait that can be improved upon and is highly beneficial.

need help!! please!!

Love per se isn't some mutually exclusive entity living on its own dimension - in fact, it's very much interwoven with one's life.

I see this as two possibilities:

I) You are naturally weak in communication, self expression and delivery (Mercury-detrimental).

II) Your lacklustre life doesn't give you enough variety to keep conversation going.

And chances are, it's likely to be a mix of both because these two pointers are highly intertwined.

Personality trait can be an acquired skill if you reiterate enough to behaviour to infuse it as part of your core value. But you must first understand where this defect lies and if you are equipped with the strength and wisdom to strike out and start a human revolution.

A dull person is languid because the way they lead their life probably doesn't give them the opportunity to expand on human interaction. These people are likely to invest their time in solitary activities that usually doesn't require much personal interaction between people.

And the flourish of internet probably worsens this issue, if people start reckoning that it's a good substitute for reality.

Love is not a miracle that dissolves all problems into nothingness; ironically, being in Love is like looking into a magical mirror of truth: it expose all our inner negativity and coerced us to face directly with our weakness, especially our personality.

Only through the eyes of Love, would we understand how much 'defects' we have developed unconsciously over the years.

A person who doesn't know how to speak must learn to challenge himself to talk. Albeit he might not be the best speaker, but at the very least, he learns to speak, which is paramount to one's spiritual growth. The growth doesn't lies with the ability to speak, but rather, the notion of having to surmount his weakness.

A dull life is but a transitory condition that can be shattered by having to invest your life, effort and time into something more worthwhile that could enhance your personality and life, especially if it involves an assembly of people, in which one must interact in such social setting.

One can be insipid, but one doesn't have to accept the fate of a dull life for everyday, there's always 24 hours for all. The difference between one from another is the time used by them individually.

In summary: one cannot be a dull person that is interesting or an interesting person that is dull. Being in love doesn't make you an interesting person automatically - if your current life doesn't allow you the condition to be interesting, you will always feel inadequate in conversation because your vocabulary is limited.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 161207

Originally posted by hunky_boi:

ok.. this story goes like this..

i met this girl at my work place and i really love her..

i tried proposing to her but was rejected, she say that she love another guy liao... and they got patch back.. so i quietly waited...

i waited for them to break..

so i ask again on my birhday and was also rejected..

she say tat we better study first..

a week back i bring back the question whether she like me or not or will she give me a chance to prove my love the third time and got back the same result..

but last few days, we keep meeting up, every time i am the one who suggested to meet de.. most of the time, i am jus sending her home from work or school..

if she dont really like me, why agree to meet me and allowing me to send her home ???

You assumed her intention seemed to suggest that she is giving you a chance to 'prove yourself' - but there's absolutely nothing for you to prove because she is already very clear in her positioning - three times to be precise - that there's only enough room for you to be a friend and no further.

You are probably the conventional type of guy who needs absolute answer from your crush to get your butt moving. But the truth is that in Love, is always the grey - you don't normally get black-and-white answers simply just because you need them.

It's not even about hinting - she has blatantly said 'No' thrice - if that isn't enough to let you see the light, I can tell you that the result from further attempts will hardly differ.

Why coerced someone to love you when you are just not the fit?

Why force a piece into a puzzle and make things ugly?

If you are unable to handle rejection and accept a mere friendship, I would suggest you take the initiative to cut contact, than to escalate your situation and pressure her to 'cut your contact'.

Nothing about face issue - if you are not emotionally evolved to handle it, my advice is always to avoid facing the predicament.

Cheers

UP Logo (Construction Firm)

Ok... Jingwen's logo looks better. =D

Cheers

SCCCI Seminar Lab 07

Darn. I realized I only have one photo - one tyco snap outside the refreshment area.

Wai Leng has yet to send me the photos. (That reminds me to get it from her).

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 091207

Originally posted by crimson soldier:
Knew this girl for almost 4 years already. Started as friends but as I got to know more about her, I found myself falling for me. 2 years ago got closer but when I asked her to be my gf she did not respond. Did not pressure her and even avoided her deliberately because I knew she was uncomfortable with me after that. Though I still liked her I only asked about her through her friends and sent her smses only on her birthday and new year, etc.

Through the last 18 months she was always on/off my mind when I was alone, like on the bus, before sleep. Told myself I would think about her until she got a bf that would take care of her well or I met another "special" one somehow.[b] I had given up all hope of being with her.


Recently I went though the greatest tragedy of my life but to my greatest surprise(honestly) she showed the most concern to me among my friends through smses, calling and giving small thoughtful presents. I told her that she was very important to me and her concern had helped me through the tragedy. She did not seem to be uncomfortable in reaction and has in fact asked me on a overseas trip(with mutual friends of course) or to meet her.

To be honest, I don't know whether if pure sympathy was the cause of her concern. If all she felt for me was sympathy then I rather she just show it more subduedly.

I am not complaining but if she just gave false hope, then I would have to feel [b]terrible and hopeless again when the time comes.


I have never told our mutual friends of my liking for her because I do not want her to be teased or to feel pressured when we are with mutual friends. Frankly I was comfortable with my feelings not being returned through the last 2 years even though I loved her in my heart, I told myself love had no conditions. Prepared to wait 10, 20, 30 years quietly until she gets a bf.

And no, I do not believe it is irrational or unhealthy of me to refuse to force myself to forget her. I still try to get to know other girls and expand my circle and when the times comes, I will be able to let go....


I would have post the same thing:

Originally posted by curiousOrange:
But subconsciously, you are avoiding a definite answer because you don't want to move on.

I refer to CloUdiSm old writing about the theory of Fantasy, where it explains that the annihilation of one's fantasy ironically, creates a pain much worst than a physical lost. In fact, the notion of waiting is often a gross misrepresentation of the quality of faithfulness. Somehow, this definition of faithfulness got twisted and some people demonstrate this very essence and apply on situation that doesn't apply to them.

A narcissistic fantasy is then born (Neptune influenced).

In simple, what I am trying to say is that the quality of faithfulness doesn't apply to you because you have absolutely no position or status as a boyfriend/husband - there isn't a need for you to shoulder any liability or see yourself having to share any form of responsibility to 'watch over her' and all that seemingly noble intention of you waiting for her finding a 'good man that could take care of her' and such is completely way out of your perimeter, as a causal friend.

Five words to sum up: who are you to her?

Once you understand the position I am trying to establish above, I will reveal to you the rationale of your decision.

There's a formidable link between the theory of fantasy and how it affects people attitude and behavioral patterns towards love and relationship. This Neptune affliction is especially susceptible for people who (1) never had a relationship before, (2) with heavy fixed aspects that often find themselves living/desiring the past.

Once we tasted how Love felt, we will never be able to remove this Trojan that lives within our memory forever because the inner workings of our emotions actually undergo a complex transformation.

Then here it goes: Because you are unable to remove this affection from sinking roots; between the journey from your current position to advert of your next coming girlfriend is an ebony shade of nothingness. Also more critically, because this love interest you perceived actually has no form, neither does it belongs to any entity of a relationship, a fantasy is created to fill up this void between your journey from where you are standing to the appearance of your next girlfriend.

Emotionally, one cannot live on void, thus one live on fantasy.

To be brutally frank in common tongue, your subconscious thoughts will probably read this way:

'Since I have not taken fancy on anyone and I have no girlfriend, I rather keep my one sided affection for her, then to lose this and have no direction.'

This is Love?

Hardly.

***

I hope you spare some effort to go through curiousOrange's post: the courage to seek an answer for a closure is probably more liberating than you could ever imagine. A non-calculated wait is really a convenient excuse employed by people who prefers to dwell in passiveness because they fear to face the blade of truth.

You may think that it doesn't matter to you because you are single, but I can tell you that unless you learn to lose sight of the shore, you will never discover new islands.

Are you thinking that once you have found another love, you could easily toggle your emotional switch like how you could do it for your lamplight?

My dear, we all are humans: you would probably pay for this foolishness at the price of your next relationship. If don't you learn it now, you will probably learn it later.

But like inflation - prices gets more expensive as time goes.

Cheers