Aunt Agony 251207

Originally posted by griefman:

Friends,

I have been hanging here about a month here, reading every thread about breakup and heart break. Mine not the worst but hit me hard. I have been into 4 relationship, 1st(8 months), 2nd(3 years), 3rd(9 months) and last(10 months). Still wondering what's wrong within me, each relationship learned and changed for better, it's not working. The same old reason, they leaved without giving a reason, sometimes I wonder is it true I have been cursed or the fortune teller is right that girl will not be long with me and they will leave to seek better opportunity. That's when we spoke about future and married, either I am not financial ready or they don't want to commit.

By the way, I am living in average lifestyle, just a bit credit card debt. It aint poor but still can go hanging out in nice restaurant or vacation within asia. Back to my recently break up story, long story short, I think I am an insecure nice guys that say finish last, but seem to be finish first. Named what the nice guys did and I am doing it all, being clingy(I have try to be minimized but sometimes they complain and I go further more), I seldom make decision(Yea, I am afraid she might have better decision, I guess I am wrong here), I always give in(we do quarell, but I always tell myself to tolerate and let her win), She called me when she's stressed with friend or family problem, I still attend the call while a meeting is on(I want to be the one she think of when she is not happy), She want luxury handbag(I save money and eat bread to get her), She's jobless(I pay everything except house rental to sustain her living), she name me a dog name(I don't mind as long as she love it), I tag her along during shopping, just like a puppy(Well, all guys did that right, sometimes I even paid for her), I massaged her every night and intimate with her even I am very tired(Never nag a word to her even she wants more). I open door for her in and out the car and carry all her shopping bag or anything(she just walk in front of me and yell me to follow her faster). By doing all this, I am tired, but I am happy. Is this the power of love? I don't know.

Fast forward, she got a job, stress up and one of her family member got sick and gonna die soon, she always complaint about how stress her job and boss, she never been working for exact 1 year(changed 3 job). I have tried to calm her down that every bosses is like that, try to deal with it, it's their job to monitor and ask you to do thing, do your best. Her family problem, I cant help much I am not doctor, I try to calm her down that miracle will happen and don't give up. Accompany her more. But she always called her so called best

friend(they know each other longer when I exist) who is male, I never nag about it but inside me feel unhappy and sad. So, not sure how it end, maybe his male friend successfully manipulate her mind or she suddenly feel like something not right and I can sensed it.

So, One fine day, I sensed that her reply in sms is abit weird(like stranger), when I touch her she refused, she's not naked in front of me as usual. I think she has changed and I discussed with her, she say she is stress up and don't know what she want in life. She is mess up with so much thing, she want a cool off. I was stunned and try to explained to her that it's fine, maybe a revolution period that you havent get use to, that day she move out and before that day we have a great day, we kisses, watched movie and just like normal. That's the last time I saw her. She tell me, it's still fresh in my mind "she's young(24 yrs old), she want to go out and see the world, she say she love me, if 10 she give me 9, the only one that not good enough is that I am not enough rich, she say if one day she fulfilled her dream or she is still single, she will come back to me and get married, she say that all her friends also like that, break off a period and come back and get married" Do you know what's her intention here? Please advise.

When she leave, in a taxi, I called her, she has changed 360 degree, she acted cold and from that day onwards, she never reply my sms and calls. Even when I called she pick up and say that I am irritating, I have No Contact for her about 2 weeks, then at the end the cool off become break off. Felt like being use as a fool to let her have chance to test drive herself can survive without me or not and it works for her and break off.

Two months gone, lonely and depressed, till date I still think of her everytimes, having No Contact but still doesn't work better. During that period, called her best female friend to talk about her and her female friend promised not to tell her I called her to seek about her current situation. Then today I called her to greet her Merry Christmas, she yelled at me say me irritating and don't called her friend anymore(She say her friend also find me irritating, not telling me because dont want to hurt me), it makes her sick. So sad, I rather didnt make the called. By the way, I have a month No Contact with her, just minimun sms a week 2 times, she say that's irritate?

Till now, I have only 2 question that's keep bothering me and I know I should let go, but it keeps hunting me:

1) Does she have a new boyfriend?

2) Does she have sex with someone else? (As she is sporting type)

I know is not my position to know and it's her life, not sure why it keep remind me of these 2 question and i wouldn't want to know but yet in my subconcious it remind me. Maybe when I knew the answers for the 2 questions, I can have a reason to move on?

Getting crazy sometimes, no friend to go out, just go gym and stay home browsing sgforums till midnite.

Thanks for reading and appreciate your advise.

Having to believe in fortune teller weaving a tale about your cursed destiny of having woman dumping you is probably next-to-crap. If you only recall his doomsday prediction and subconsciously see that as your destiny - it's no surprise to me why you will suffer from such plight and perceive it as inevitable.

Theory of fixed destiny, to me, is a classic charlatan speech that is detrimental to one's spiritual growth, especially when one decides to believe in such notion and accept them without resistance. Freewill and individual evolution will overcome any network of destiny designed to incarcerate us into one chosen path.

There is NO one chosen path - in fact, life is full of multiple paths, both converging and diverging. Your reality gradually forms as you initiate the decision to opt for your course of action. You are indeed the master of your own fate and destiny - therefore, if you cannot learn to control it, then circumstance will gladly take over and manifest whatever reality your circumstance leads you.

If you have been through four relationships, failing the same way you did previously, I seriously find it hard to believe that you have truly evolved. Surely you did learn something, but your learning is probably very much technical and not spiritual. Somehow, it seemed to me that your choice of partner also assisted the fulfilment of your 'cursed destiny' - your woman is pretty much a materialistic femme and you do not have the financial power to satisfy this aspect.

If your past experience with all these 4 women revolved around this negative materialistic quality, I see a problem in your natural selection and eventual choice. That would need serious tweaking and it belongs to another topic altogether.

The way you lead your relationship is catastrophic. I believe it has a lot to do with your emotional development because to compensate your insecurity, you subconsciously and artificially create a persona that actually sacrifices your long term growth for short term measure. You try to appease your relationship with periodic LV/GUCCI tributes, surrendering leadership & freewill to your other half, as well as allowing disrespect to thrive in your relationship - because you reckon that this would in turn make her love you more.

Serious misconception in love and even seriously weak personality; completely way off. WAY off.

CloUdiSm states: 'we attract the quality we exude...' And because you exhibit such vibes, it's no wonder again why you would attract such materialistic mates!

Her break off excuse is classic - you are not rich enough for her.

I wondered if you even have any dignify left in you to feel disgusted at such claim.

I doubt it's even Love now; your desire of wanting back is probably close to that of some melancholy habitual reasoning cum depression than Love per se. Your fear of loneliness utterly outweighs your understanding in love; never mind if you are being treated like a dog. Never mind if you have to starve to buy that LV bag for her - as long as it patches this loneliness and temporal misery, you will still accept the deal.

Because loneliness in your mind eye, is a still a higher price to pay.

That's the problem of having no life outside the life of your relationship - you end up ruining your relationship faster than you think.

You will probably need to preview your entire life and personality as a whole if you wish to see any success in love. I can tell you, without drastic positive evolution, nothing will change. Your cosmic lesson is screaming at you to graduate, but your lack of wisdom simply doesn't allow you the privilege to - you will retain and learn what you need until you truly understand, learn and demonstrate through actual proof.

Stop living in the shadow of a puppy and start living in the skin of a man. You are not born a beast, but a human with power to shape your destiny. Until you learn to walk on two, you will forever return back to fours.

Cheers