Aunt Agony II 091207

Originally posted by crimson soldier:
Knew this girl for almost 4 years already. Started as friends but as I got to know more about her, I found myself falling for me. 2 years ago got closer but when I asked her to be my gf she did not respond. Did not pressure her and even avoided her deliberately because I knew she was uncomfortable with me after that. Though I still liked her I only asked about her through her friends and sent her smses only on her birthday and new year, etc.

Through the last 18 months she was always on/off my mind when I was alone, like on the bus, before sleep. Told myself I would think about her until she got a bf that would take care of her well or I met another "special" one somehow.[b] I had given up all hope of being with her.


Recently I went though the greatest tragedy of my life but to my greatest surprise(honestly) she showed the most concern to me among my friends through smses, calling and giving small thoughtful presents. I told her that she was very important to me and her concern had helped me through the tragedy. She did not seem to be uncomfortable in reaction and has in fact asked me on a overseas trip(with mutual friends of course) or to meet her.

To be honest, I don't know whether if pure sympathy was the cause of her concern. If all she felt for me was sympathy then I rather she just show it more subduedly.

I am not complaining but if she just gave false hope, then I would have to feel [b]terrible and hopeless again when the time comes.


I have never told our mutual friends of my liking for her because I do not want her to be teased or to feel pressured when we are with mutual friends. Frankly I was comfortable with my feelings not being returned through the last 2 years even though I loved her in my heart, I told myself love had no conditions. Prepared to wait 10, 20, 30 years quietly until she gets a bf.

And no, I do not believe it is irrational or unhealthy of me to refuse to force myself to forget her. I still try to get to know other girls and expand my circle and when the times comes, I will be able to let go....


I would have post the same thing:

Originally posted by curiousOrange:
But subconsciously, you are avoiding a definite answer because you don't want to move on.

I refer to CloUdiSm old writing about the theory of Fantasy, where it explains that the annihilation of one's fantasy ironically, creates a pain much worst than a physical lost. In fact, the notion of waiting is often a gross misrepresentation of the quality of faithfulness. Somehow, this definition of faithfulness got twisted and some people demonstrate this very essence and apply on situation that doesn't apply to them.

A narcissistic fantasy is then born (Neptune influenced).

In simple, what I am trying to say is that the quality of faithfulness doesn't apply to you because you have absolutely no position or status as a boyfriend/husband - there isn't a need for you to shoulder any liability or see yourself having to share any form of responsibility to 'watch over her' and all that seemingly noble intention of you waiting for her finding a 'good man that could take care of her' and such is completely way out of your perimeter, as a causal friend.

Five words to sum up: who are you to her?

Once you understand the position I am trying to establish above, I will reveal to you the rationale of your decision.

There's a formidable link between the theory of fantasy and how it affects people attitude and behavioral patterns towards love and relationship. This Neptune affliction is especially susceptible for people who (1) never had a relationship before, (2) with heavy fixed aspects that often find themselves living/desiring the past.

Once we tasted how Love felt, we will never be able to remove this Trojan that lives within our memory forever because the inner workings of our emotions actually undergo a complex transformation.

Then here it goes: Because you are unable to remove this affection from sinking roots; between the journey from your current position to advert of your next coming girlfriend is an ebony shade of nothingness. Also more critically, because this love interest you perceived actually has no form, neither does it belongs to any entity of a relationship, a fantasy is created to fill up this void between your journey from where you are standing to the appearance of your next girlfriend.

Emotionally, one cannot live on void, thus one live on fantasy.

To be brutally frank in common tongue, your subconscious thoughts will probably read this way:

'Since I have not taken fancy on anyone and I have no girlfriend, I rather keep my one sided affection for her, then to lose this and have no direction.'

This is Love?

Hardly.

***

I hope you spare some effort to go through curiousOrange's post: the courage to seek an answer for a closure is probably more liberating than you could ever imagine. A non-calculated wait is really a convenient excuse employed by people who prefers to dwell in passiveness because they fear to face the blade of truth.

You may think that it doesn't matter to you because you are single, but I can tell you that unless you learn to lose sight of the shore, you will never discover new islands.

Are you thinking that once you have found another love, you could easily toggle your emotional switch like how you could do it for your lamplight?

My dear, we all are humans: you would probably pay for this foolishness at the price of your next relationship. If don't you learn it now, you will probably learn it later.

But like inflation - prices gets more expensive as time goes.

Cheers