Aunt Agony 050707 (Yunhaier X jojobeach)

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:
im in my late thirties, consider well to do. not too high profile. currently extremely bored, single again
im being pursued aggresively by a 21 year old girl who is very beautiful but all the while i consider as my little sister but the feeling she give me is she wants more than that.
my worries is compatibility and i dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player.

two questions ,
we might go to an overseas trip together for shopping , if we do we might most probably end up as bf / gf. should i?

she might stay over at my place for a few weeks for matter of convenience because of an assignment near my place, should i?


im not that handsome or that ugly , just normal but slightly better than normal. is it normal for 21 year old very beautiful girl to behave this way?its weird to be pursued when you have been doing the pursuing all the while.
Im flattered by the attention but at the same time suspicious...

how ler?


Originally posted by jojobeach:
Fourfourtwo8,

I've dated men this kind of age gap before.

She may be genuinely interested in you.
Given your life experience and financial stability.
You would bring some interesting offerings to the table.

The relationship may be a very refreshing one for the both of you.

However, there are certain issues you might want to consider before you take the leap.

She is at a very different life stage as you.
At this age, she is starting to see what life has to offer.
I also doubt she will be ready to "settle down" and start a family with you anytime soon.

Are you willing to wait ?
At your age, you would probably want to start a family in a few years time?
Wouldn't want to be a old daddy with a newborn, right ?
Are you willing to let her explore what life has to offer and not interfere?

She still has a lot to learn......

You are a mature man, you will need to have a lot of patience and be a very understanding partner..... sometimes her childishness may trigger an irritation similar to dealing with someone of lesser intelligence. Are you ready to deal with that ?

Also, she will have the upper hand in terms of time....
She can afford to throw away perhaps 3-4 years more should she decide this is not what she wants.
Are you willing to gamble another 3-4 years into this relationship ?
Your stakes are high.....

If you are sure of it..and you are not in a rush to start a family.
Then by all means, go for it.


When you switched the roles over, you find yourself thinking and feeling in the shoes of a typical woman, wondering if the pursuer is dead serious or merely in for a moment of passion.

This is a woman's dilemma.

It's heartening to understand that you are moving on with your life - you should. But take good sense and care not to allow yourself the condition to substitute love subconsciously, just because you have yet to recover emotionally. IMHO, you may not have gotten over your previous relationship yet. Healing will resume automatically when the mind and soul returns back to clarify with wisdom, so do allow that time frame to manifest into effect.

Next is regarding individual needs - completely share the sentiment with Jojo; the chronological age gap conjures vast differences in expectation and needs. A man in late thirties certainly brandishes his love definition and needs differently from a young lady of early twenties. This is the generational phenomenon in Love astrology. Some women are naturally attracted to older man - this is due to certain qualities that draw them towards such mates (Saturn in 7th house - not considering aspects). It's not always the case of a women going all out to cheat a man of his money (In that sense, its likely Neptune influenced, affliction in 2nd/8th house)

But a positive aspect about this is that in love, it doesn't necessarily mean that we must have similarity to make it workable. In fact, the complementary aspect of personalities in a couple is far more crucial... though ironically giving rise to the most difficult of challenge people will ever face.

Of course there are reasonable reasons and possibilities why are not accepting her - which have been kindly contributed in posts by forumers before me. But in summary, the rationale of you hesitating is largely because, considering your current emotional state and age, you are averse to risk taking.

And she blatantly represents a high risk investment... an instrument you find it choking to swallow outrageously.

I cannot determine if you should go for it because from my angle, it's really a matter of choice. Rather, I would ask if you would like to take the plunge and try to reap something meaningful out of this. And yes, it doesn't mean that you must marry her eventually if things can't work out as you shouldn't let time fetter you in any ways.

I think a critical lesson to master in love is that no matter how many relationships you have been into, every newborn relationship starts from square one. You can't expect your next relationship to 'fill-in-the-blanks' from where the previous one has falter; therefore it isn't wise to plan/decide upon a marriage partner way before even you foster strong bonds from your BGR. Simply just because you are getting older and needs to settle down quickly is a bad excuse for haste.

And haste is one of the top failing factors in love.

An interesting question to note would be: does your aversion to risk comes from the fact that she is a high risk investment, or does it comes from your fear of failure?

P.S: If the both of you are going overseas together or even having her to stay over your place for a few weeks - the sex conundrum will surely appear in this equation. I don't know how sexually disciplined you are, but trust me, you probably won't want to put yourself a situation where you are not confident at all - especially when it comes to sex.

Sure, it can be all good wild fun - but once you begin in that 'brand positioning', it would be very arduous to 'reposition'. And a stable, proper relationship might not materialise very well from then onwards because of how you move your chess piece.

Cheers