Aunt Agony 040707

Originally posted by troubled_in_love:
I know what I am going to receive from a lot of replies here. Insult and jokes and cheeky replies. It is okie. I still post my story and still wanna see the feedbacks from the rest of the people who treat it seriously.

To cut the long story short, I am in love with another girl. That is not unusual. It is supposed to be a good thing. However the problem is I have a wife.

Yup I am a bastard and I deserve to be castrated.

Let me ask back a question in return. When you marry, who will you choose ? A person you like a lot, but do not like u as much. Or a person who like you a lot but you do not like tat much ? This is because in the past, I always thought tat it is not possible to find a person who you like and like you in return. I always thought that is a Moulin rouge fantasy and that is why I choose to find a person who like me a lot. I think a lot of people will choose this because it is supposed to be fortunate to have someone who like you and dote on you while it is tiring to love someone who do not love u that much in return.

However Moulin rouge fantasy is the right way to go. One should find someone he loves a lot and in return, love you. Even though it seems impossible… even though there are no perfect things in the world…It is the right thing to do. If u choose the above question to be someone who like you a lot but you do not like in return, you will face a severe dilemma like me. Later on in life you find someone who you like a lot and like you in return. But it is already too late.

Typical story is like this. I used to like a girl a lot. I crazily chased her. I failed. Totally miserable with no confidence in myself anymore. Met another girl. Seems to like me. Go out for a few dates. Acceptable and become girlfriend. Eventually become wife. However we face problems such as me lacking passion and energy in planning anything in the future with her or do anything for her. There is just no… enthusiasm… I never really crazily like my wife but I can live with her for many years. There are no real problems except having little enthusiasm for anything related to her and it is straining her. Then I met another girl and I started to like her. I go back to the time when I crazily like a girl again. We have similar character, similar hobbies and we like each other. Whenever I think of the future with her, it is something I always wanted in life. When I think of my future with my wife, all I see is….. a normal life…..

So what should I do ? Divorce and try to seek a new life with the new found love ? We only live once and being in a unfeeling relationship is not helping any of the parties. Stay with my wife and become a moral and responsible man ? Furthermore all love dies down one day and I just never see the potential problems I have with the new love.

What should one choose ?


Quintessentially, your mindset is the source of your torment and dire circumstances. Your rationale of what's love is to you appears to be myopic in judgement and narcissistic in thoughts - revolving solely on how you adorn your deluded definition of love in such screwed pattern.

Chances are, your wife is merely a woman that happens, unfortunately, to be around at the wrong time, with you accepting her while arming with a 'No-fish-pawn-also-good' perception of things.

All along, there has always been an innate dissatisfaction with your relationship as you perpetually long for a woman whom you could be crazy over, thinking that this is true love for you.

I am going to share with you something:

'...Many people look so disillusioned when I announce that the soul mate search is a myth, like I'm taking their favourite fairy tale away. I'm not, believe me. Giving up the idea that there is a soul mate for us somewhere and it's our job to find them can be downright liberating. Few things bring tears to my eyes more quickly than clients who stay in abusive relationships because they have confused the constant emotional intensity with their concept of what having a soul mate must be like. Even clients with perfectly nice marriages sadly tell me that their greatest failure was in never having found their soul mate. The term soul mate gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, and domestic violence...'

I feel for your wife, not because her husband is getting emotionally entangled with another girl, but because all these years, she has failed in trying to induce your heart to love her naturally.

You love the security that accompanied with her presence, but you never did give her or yourself a chance to love genuinely. And there's too much fantasy-indulgence that you have fed your befuddled soul with, giving rise to all sort of illusionary expectation you desire in your relationship.

Your loyalty is wavering - citing that she is nothing but normal and normal isn't what you are looking for.

Have you both communicated about this matter? Seriously, it isn't too huge of a hole to mend if both parties are willing to work things through. Of course, if that's not part of your decision to smooth out the edges in your relationship, then it will degenerate rapidly.

Before you keep looking out of your relationship for answers and hastily decide that that's true love for you, why not you try to understand and love the woman you are with? It's kinda sad getting married to a woman you hardly even knew or love. Sure, you might have dated for years, but to me, the relationship is hardly anywhere concrete.

Have you even given your marriage a good try? Or do you simply disregard it completely?

The answer would decide your route to take.

Cheers