Aunt Agony 070707

Originally posted by d0ug:
thanks for reading or clicking on this thread in advance =))

this story is about me and this girl..

that night, i asked her if she could call me and talk on the phone for the first time. she replied, 'must i call?'. i was rather disappointed. and said, 'it's your wish'. moments later, i received her call. and my life started to change.

i was having a meaningless life 'flirting' with girls before we started talking on the phone. i thought my life couldn't be any better, with almost every night on the phone, with different girls. then it was her, who changed me unknowingly.

below is the story..

i found this girl, by the name, B. she was hurt when i first met her..she wasn't able to forget the guy she liked for 4 years..though they were never together..and after listening to bits and pieces of her story, i decided to be there for her, until she is happy again. minor changes start to happen, without noticing, she became the girl i talk to almost every night, and replaced all my other acquaintances.

things got closer between us, she couldn't sleep without my smses at 2am each day, she felt something missing without my call every night, and was able to give up her time talking to other friends of her's. i didn't tell her this before, but i was touched, and fell in love with her.

few months later, after our poly life started, during the first week, we sms each other like crazy everyday. i remember just 1 bus trip to my school, we could msg up till 20times each. yes i had in mind the cost of the bill, but it was a happy moment for both of us. soon, we met each other up after school.

the magical week, i asked to meet her at xx shopping centre after school. she told me she was gonna pick up something from there for her sis, and i offered to accompany her. i didn't tell her this too, many times, that night, and the 2 following nights we met, i wanted to hold her hand. but i know i'm not allowed to. i asked her out again on the same week, friday. this time we went vivo, met up my brother and his gf. many people went between us when walking, how i wished i could hold her hand and walk together. she never knew..

i know i left her a good moment that night. and she asked me out the following week, offering to treat me dinner for my birthday. i was afraid at first, cause no girls asked me out before. i had no idea how to react, and gave her a feeling that i don't wanna go, but it's not true, i just don't know how to face her. she asked me if i was free on monday, and said she wanted to treat me dinner. i was wondering if i should go, and she told me something, that i will never forget in my life. 'if you're not free on monday, we shall go on tuesday. if you're still not free, i'll wait for you to be free.". something like this..the words are rephrase cause i couldn't remember word by word. so, we met. nothing much did happen that night at vivo. but soon after, i met her on the same week and we went vivo again. but this time, we spent most of the time at the balcony facing sentosa. i decided to make this the day, and tried hinting her on the bus to vivo, and at the balcony. if only she can remember, i put my hand on her lap, hinting her to hold mine. she didn't compromise, i thought that she didn't feel the same as i did. i remember this period, i lied down on the ground, and started looking at the stars. i was rather tired and thinking if i should really hold her hand today. and at that very moment, her hand came over to me and pulled me up. and i knew, i must hold it now.

but something bad happened straight after. we were holding each other's hands tightly even when we are sitting on the bus. i felt that she didn't wanna let me go, so was i. but i told her something, that i wasn't ready. i was such a failure since primary school days. never succeeded before each time i chased a girl. i wasn't ready cause all these years, i've never been accepted. was really relieved that she wasn't angry.

and that's how we got together.

at the start, we met around 3 times per week, having a good time each outing. and we went ahead to kissing few days after we got together. our love was strong then..

but problems started. i wasn't able to take her blog having more of other boys than me. nearly every post has another guy's name. but i know she didn't love him..he was just a friend. but i was just jealous.
and this became one of the biggest problem.. i regretted for nagging about this problem time and time again which made her feel sick and tired of it..the outcome is always argument between us.

now that i think of it, i should have given her more time..the fact that she said she will change her blog and stuff for me when we are stable..

soon, our 1 month anniversary came. i was so so sooooooo excited over the weekends. was asking my friends what their bf do for them during their anniversary. some tell me to buy her flowers. but ... i was having financial difficulties at that time.. and i lied to her, saying that i didn't have the time. felt really really sorry..i'm such a useless boy. can't even buy FEW STALKS of roses for her during our first anniversary..she even paid for our movie..

more problems came in between us after that.. mainly cause i still didn't stop my nonsense.. and made her sick and tired of the arguments..i don't blame her for that..but i'm really really hurt that even after i changed, she didn't give me the love i've always wanted..she didn't stop showing disinterest with me..she didn't show me love at all..but she used to love me more than i did..

that day in school, i heard, we can leave at 10am but there is a course for us at 4 to 5.30pm..i was fighting inside my mind..whether i should send her home after school..and i made up my mind to after that. gave her a call..and asked that question..i didn't know that she will actually scream at me and insisted on going home herself..she didn't used to show me this kind of treatments..i believe its my nonsense that changed her..

recently, i left her alone to think through, what i have done for her and what she gave me in return.. but turns out that she had been thinking whether we should still be together..i feel like a moron digging my own grave..

she took quite a long time to make up her mind to end our relationship..

guys..my question is, how can i get another chance from her? i need advices if possible..i feel that shes a girl who needs alot of time..need advices .. i don't wish to lose her..



All your negativity contributed subconsciously to your self fulfilling prophesies - your failure in this relationship is a mirror image of your basis definition of love. I shall quote you the phrases that have attached maliciously as part of your core belief:

[quote] '...i was afraid at first, cause no girls asked me out before. i had no idea how to react, and gave her a feeling that i don't wanna go, but it's not true, i just don't know how to face her.

...but i told her something, that i wasn't ready. i was such a failure since primary school days. never succeeded before each time i chased a girl. i wasn't ready cause all these years, i've never been accepted.' [/quote]

The source of your possessiveness was created from your perpetual effort of trashing yourself down in negative light. If you reckon that you are unlovable, no matter how glorious your relationship has the potential to be, it will appear bleak; like peering through a pair of sunglass, even if the landscape could steal your breath away with its majestic stunning colours and lush details.

From the way I look at this, your psychological and emotional structure appears more problematic than your relationship itself. If you are unable to exhibit love for yourself and raise that self esteem, your next relationship would just be the next prey to be devoured by this insecurity once again.

Paradoxically, though you understand that 'you are digging your own grave', you still persisted with your nonsense - signified a terribly lack of wisdom.

I hope you understand that the downfall of this relationship is largely because you are not emotionally and spiritually evolved - strong hint of an alpha male dominance. Resolve that inner afflictions caused by your developing years and enlighten those blemishes from within.

[quote] ..but i'm really really hurt that even after i changed, she didn't give me the love i've always wanted..she didn't stop showing disinterest with me..she didn't show me love at all..but she used to love me more than i did.. [/quote]

I will repeat again: this is a self fulfilling prophesy. You reckoned that you will always fail in relationship and so congrats: you achieved exactly what your mind has envisioned. Never mind how great the relationship was and never mind about she giving more previously - because you thought that you are unlovable and doesn't deserve genuine love, therefore you coerced subconsciously her to comply likewise.

Individually, your condition is far from what Love needs of you personally before you are ready for a relationship. It's not about love - it's about you. If you can't even handle yourself, I doubt you are in any position to extend this very love to someone else.

Cheers