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May I present to you the girl from the Double A quality paper commercial!













Gawd.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 311006

Originally posted by uglypig:
Hi everyone,

I called myself uglypig, because he always say i ugly and look like a pig. I not those pretty girl lah, that why call myself ugly pig.

SOrry that my english not that good, hope everyone willing to read my story. Although it is just a normal story. :(

On 4 Oct 2006, my bf (now is my ex bf) msg me in the morning say he want to break up with me, he say our thinking is different. I do not what he suddenly say our thinking is different. When he msg me, i really do not know what to do. I cry when i was working. Luckily boss not around or else i dun know how to face him. Cry so loudly, heart so pain. Together with him for 3 years 7 months and 12 days, then he say our thinking is different. What shit is this. Anyone can tell me. Why why why??? why it happen to me? He is my first love, i love him so deeply, give him whatever he want. But in the end, i get what is return. He just left me like that. Only give me one reason which is thinking different. F**K

Now still thinking of him, but no use. He say we only can be friends, cannot patch back anymore. Cry Cry. No use liao. No matter how much tears i drop, he also dun even bother to care about me anymore. Last sat, i think of him so msg him, asked him what he doing. He say he going to sleep liao, just finish doing duty. I asked him whether he got new gf liao ma? He reply say got, sleeping now. I cried, he say sleeping now. Just know the girl for one week already is gf and sleeping together. Why. Why he can changed his heart so fast. Forget about our 3 years relationship in a short time. Do i mean nothing to him, am i just a tool to him, play finished then say break up. I know he break up with me because of a girl. Maybe he tired to see me anymore. Sad cry.. want to die.....

I and him seldom quarrel one, why suddenly say changed then changed. WHY?

Why a relationship will just end like this? Why a guy can change so fast? Did they ever care about how the girl will feel? Do they know they hurt the girl heart? Why guys give up on one relationship so easily? Why guys can start another relationship so fast?

I very closed to my parent and my sister one. My sister now taking O-level so i dun want her to pei wo. But when i need her, she still willing to go out with me. haha. not all my friend got bf, but they also have their other friends. I dun like to go out with friends one, i only go out with best friends. Those seldom contact already, they would not bother me one lah.

Anybody can help me? I feeling like dying.......... :cry:

Thank you


People don't change overnight; it just that people change without your knowledge over the time. It may felt like a sudden quake, but behind that disaster lingers some old time-cumulative frustration and dissatisfaction. Having little quarrel doesn't always mean that the relationship is promising - it may suggest a harmonious relationship, but can we always take it at face value and presume that all is well... or perhaps we are deluded that all is well?

It gets very questionable when partners make unconstructive remarks like 'you are damn ugly' kind of statement because it really wonders what he actually feels inside of him (it would be a little different if he actually give constructive advices like how to go about doing it). I recalled an old theory in CloUdiSm - about this phenomenon of human going after the lesser, in search for the better, because there wasn't any other (Riding the donkey while searching for the horse). And your man seemed to fit perfectly in this description for at that period of time when he was chasing you (it's applicable as well if you are doing the chasing instead), it is likely that you are the only candidate and he probably accepted it because there wasn't any other better choices.

Of course, he has tried loving you in the process, which give the relationship a longer lifespan, but it died with an encounter of a third party, which you probably never even knew about her existence until the relationship is pronounce dead.

Love don't change, just that expectation changes with time, as needs not satisfied breeds frustration.

For the benefit of a relationship, it is paramount to have life outside the life of your relationship - having to forsake everyone else (and probably limits that to best friend/s and boyfriend) is doing the relationship more harm than good. Man gets tired much more easily having a woman constantly lingering onto them for accompaniment and woman receive a harder punch trying to recover their fall after losing their relationship.

Somehow, it seemed to me that you have a complacent nature - you are easily satisfied and prefer to maintain status quo than having to initiate action/s to work on what's lacking, both in yourself and probably the relationship. I mean if the break up was so unexpected and contradict the reality in your fairyland you have been believing all these while, there should be more hidden closet not known or spoken to you - about him, his love and the relationship.

Take this time off to explore your potentials. Everyone has the power to change the 'not so pleasant' aspect of their life. If I was you, I would channel this previous relationship into energy to reform myself.

You may begin your first step by changing your nick. If you cannot even convince yourself that you have the prerogative to a better relationship... for somebody better to appreciate you, you will probably repeat history. Your nick degrades your esteem and you will appear to people how your esteem appears to you.

Lastly, don't always pray for a good man... a good relationship to befall on you, trust me you don't want to know how foolish that sort of thinking is.

Don't take chance - always take calculated risk. Empower your life by making resolution to evolve yourself.

Cheers

Wrath Of The People

I know I am a little late on this, but it really heartening to witness how the online community retaliate in this latest Wee Shu Min saga, which provoked many Singaporean. I sense an accumulated frustration between the common folk with the government and I am pretty sure the incumbent party will suffer more lost of votes in 2011.

This is the original content wrote in the blog, before it was closed down:

http://forums.hardwarezone.com/showthread.php?t=1435572&page=1&pp=15

And below are some funny comics drawn, with regards to the 'elite' comment incident.








But what really tickles me is this (joke probably only understood by Magic players):



ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 271006

Originally posted by gnehp:
I feeling very guilty now about being in a very deep crush with my female colleague. I've a girlfriend of 6 years and our relationahip has been wonderful, we've been travelling the world together many times and she's my best friend. Recently I had to work with this female colleague of mine on a project. Not sure how it happened but I just can't stop thinking about her.

During the project, we had drinks every night and we seem to get along extremely well. So well that I thought she was my girlfriend. I think she likes me as well, but I'm not sure. She would come to me to chat very often. As we drank, she would rest her head on my shoulder. I just feel so comfortable with her around.

Even in office today, we would chat like friends and make fun of each other. Nothing that hints that we are close. I can't help but look at her each time she walks past my desk. She would look at me and give me a sweet smile.

I'm feeling really in the pits right now. I know it's wrong. I don't want this to happen and I treasure my relationship with my girlfriend. I need the strength to break free of such feelings but can't seem to find it.

I'm ashamed to talk to anyone about this but to share it anonymously here.


New broom sweeps clean; and alcohol make sure those new brooms appear newer.

It certainly feels good to be playful once in a while, but the minute you overly indulge in this play, it will become a tragic plot. Don't ever take blind flirting for real - enjoy the cheap thrill and get on with life.

If you dwell too long in those thoughts, you may lose focus and drop your stand.

Exercise self discipline if you feel you cannot handle it - don't play with fire if you cannot handle the unseen ramification of your weakness. Especially avoid alcohols (Moon possession and Neptune influence) and mundane private dates.

Succumb to moment of folly and you may regret incessantly.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 271006

Originally posted by lysa:
Hi everybody... I got a problem to share.

I am an 18 year old girl and got a 23 year old guy for a boyfriend

I got a nice boyfriend... the age gap between is 5 years... to me is a little too big... to him I am childish... whereas I could say that I knew lots of things which he doesn't... he didn't know I have got someone to spy on him and from there I knew a lot about his past and present. The report I gotten was a beautiful one...to be frank, I admit that I am unscrupulous in certain other ways in handling people which he doesn't know at all...

To him I am not that mature to make it sounds nice to me he said that... I was wondering if I am not mature... what's the point of him being with me in the first place... we knew each other earlier this year at our workplace...

He needs a girl that is able to talk to him about intellectual stuff... but in some or another way I think I 'failed' because he said I should give myself a little bit more time. But I am able to support him emotionally and physically but not intellectually... he's a currently studying a University whereas I am studying at ITE. The difference is rather big...but I know I will make it there some day... I tried reading lots of newspaper and discuss with him some intellectual stuff but I find it very hard to keep on reading on and on... I find it tiring...

He's the best that ever could happen to me but I just felt that we are out of range no doubt initially the chemistry between was all right but not fantastic.

I am trying real hard to be intellectually on par with him and I do lots of research in the subjects he's majoring in. I done all that all in the hope that I will be able to help him academically.

Nowadays I find it boring to go out with him and a hassle to call or message him, all bottoms to the fact that he don't like to message me or call me much but he won't go MIA for sure... sometimes he's really a mood spoiler... I don't know what to say...

I got to say that he's a lot of different in other guys I knew, he's not a flirt and doesn't like to talk to girls except work stuff or school work... but I am different... I am a big time flirt and a player. Find it rather hard to go out with him... he's boring! Guys out there... any idea to spice up this r/s?

At times, I felt he came at the wrong time and truth to be told... he came at the wrong place too... because of him I broke up with my guy whom I have been dating for the past 2 year... sometimes I think back, I regretted my decision. But with my current bf, I learnt lots of things which I haven't with my ex.

Okay, I will write till here... any experienced ones do give me your two cents worth... do write to me... thx... :>


It's the time where you have decide to explore new route in love, in exchange for something vastly different; may or may not expected it, your boyfriend is certainly a different league outside that of your previous relationship/s and you, hoping that by engaging a relationship with an older guy, things may be turn out well for once.

I feel that you do not classify yourself as a classic player; the crux of your volatile passion lies in your highly mutable (Worst if you are Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius or Pisces) nature in love, where your attention span is easily dissipated and it takes much to capture your soul. I do not doubt your innate ability as a player, but a classic player usually wouldn't envision anything other than a myopic view of any particular relationship, living for the moment more than making plans or doing the 'right' thing.

Somehow you demonstrate your own version of loyalty (via length of relationship) and even sustain a bad relationship for two years. In fact, classic players loved themselves far too much to allow themselves to be manipulated in that kind of karmic manner. Classic players understand the game of love... to the point of arrogance that they knew they could get anyone they set their eyes onto and there is no reason why they should ever suffer in a karmic relationship, which contribute partially why they are are often seen fleeing from relationship to relationship.

When the spell is broken, reality fills in the void.

I believe you are overwhelmed by fatigued... tired of trying to build the persona you know man will love you for. Perhaps this is how you have been leading your BGR or sub rosa relationship; you create the phantasmal image of what you reckon your man likes, by understanding him and trying fit the perfect piece in the puzzle.

The energy exchange of this deal is when your flings showered you with love, care and attention (perhaps lovely gifts as well). But you aren’t willing to trade anything else (sex was never part of this deal) and of course, when you have decided that the result was gradually getting lacklustre, you eliminate those flings and seek for newer pasture.

The other guys is your life are like simple arithmetic question while your boyfriend posted a real challenge to your seduction because somehow, it wasn't wholesome and you conclude that to be the intellectual aspect of him. I see the way you phrase your post and it just flashes to me that you are just not satisfied with owning him physically and emotionally - you want see your man surrendering to your love completely, which is why you tried to keep up with him in a realm totally alien to you.

This building of persona/facade has evolved into a modus operandi in your methodology of relationship - that you will subconsciously find yourself trying to force a piece into the puzzle, even if it's just not you. How tiring could it be, if we allow ourselves to keep doing something that is so not us?

Never enter into a relationship, knowing fully well that someone is 'nothing' and you want to breed 'something' into him/her because if you desire that 'something', you should find someone that is already well equipped with that 'something'. A fine example would be if one terribly desired a romantic partner, never choose square-down-to-earth man that cannot give you the kind of romance you crave and attempt to induce romance out of the poor guy. For your sake, he may do it and think of new ideas to appease your needs, but gradually, he will become exhausted and jaded because he will realise that is just not him.

You could be suffering from this phenomenon - your enervated emotions after long period of persona building. Or perhaps the reason why you are so keen in trying to keep up with his intellectual capacity is because you want to minimize the existing chasm that divides his world and your world.

***

After understanding what I have written above, I wouldn't suggest attempting to suit and accommodate entirely into his world because the transformation will eradicate the ORIGINAL reason why he fell in love with you (the exception is evolving; but if you have evolve into that new form, you will never feel tired nor fatigued walking in those new shoes. I mean it's noble to be wanting to be some form of support in his career, but then again, if you have blister walking in those new shoes, it probably suggested that those shoes doesn't suit you).

If your man wants an intellectual woman and views that quality as critical, he wouldn't even be with you in the first place because he would probably choose some other woman with that mental capacity. If you sacrifice much of yourself and try to fit yourself unrealistically into that frame, you will probably be a 2nd grade version and simultaneously, lose the ORIGINAL reason why he fell in love with you.

We must recognise that everyone is unique - even if we come together in a relationship, that fact remains largely the same.

He's a boring chap because you haven't enlightened him on proper social technique/skills to date and please a woman. He may be intellectually superior to you, but you emotionally superior to him. You may have done much to understand his world, but has he been taught to understand yours?

Share your strength with one another - you will find greater joy in your relationship when the gap is narrowed through intensive effort contributed from the both of you.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 241006

Originally posted by bigdeal:
its been 2 mths since i crash my 4 mth old bike, after which i lost my gf to another guy. i'm still going after her, i cannot let go. i lost 10 kgs in 1mth. i hate myself, but there's nothing i can do. my feelings for her are too strong.

i called up the guy, we had a few conversations. they broke up too. now she's deciding who to choose. all my frens tell me she's not worth it. there's plenty out there. but, she took away my pride, my confidence, my everything. i cant find them from other women.

i know if we end up together again, trust is lost and etc. i know i wont be happy as before, always suspecting this that. but seriously, i'm willing to try.. i told her i'll wait for her, so i didnt call her for few days. she started calling me, making me hook onto her again.

still, i didnt want to see her, i dont want to be like dropdead again when i found she had a new bf... but i saw her at the bus stop that day. the follwing day, saw her on the streets again.. coincidence..

my last conversation with the guy is today, and he told me my ex msg him yesterday asking him to leave her for good, i dunno how true.. i want an answer. i ask her yesterday nite when i went to find her.. "is ur heart still wif me?" "do u still want me?" she answer yes for both. but when i ask her "do u miss him?" she kept quiet..

i know i need to give her time. but i'm scared i lose her again.. wats meant to be, is meant to be... i know..

i'm not sure what i'll do next.. but i know, i will still be going after her, till the day i'm gone..

love hurts



She changed you and went with another guy.

Then she changed the other guy and went for a newer one?

Tragic follows when you see people getting too involved with a player. To a player, commitment ranked last on her list, contrary to yours being the first. In the end, you stubbornly chose to allow her to fool with your emotions and that's probably what keeps you going and unable to break this chain of obsession.

You are scared to lose her again? What are you so scared about? You have already LOST her - what do you mean by 'again'?

Delusion fills your mind - you kept thinking that you have never lost her entirely and this will fuel your suffering. Your cosmic lesson is about releasing, not retaining.

P.S: Sometimes, it appears stronger to let go, than holding on. Love doesn't hurt - you are just hurting yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 231006

Originally posted by alba:
that in this world there r so so many of cruel, bad people. i find so, everywhere, so far i 've not seen any good kind soul. all i met is all bad ones, even in front of u they are really nice, they show they r nice, caring good ppl, but actually they r not. behind u they love to talk bad of u, gossip and so on. very sad, sometimes all these ppl irritate u and hurt u deeply.

i tried not to get affected byt his kind of ppl but still it reach adn hurt me. sometimes, they love just to make up story of u, or they just love it if u do mistakes esp at working place, they love if u r forgetful, wrong or they just love to find yr mistakes and tell the whole world abt it. even if u did it once, they keep on repeating it all their life. i am not that kind of ppl, i always tried to hide ppl mistakes, and cover up for them, and never find it is so a nice thing to tell other ppl or make a show of it. soemtimes in life there is no body or nothing u can trust on, even the ppl u like or trust also can play u back and make u look like a fool, so who to trust in this world. everywhere i go i find ppl just love to find my mistakes, or talk behind, gossiping even i never bother abt them, they still love to do that. the worst is they make a impression (bad) of u to everybody, and makes other ppl also think badly abt u.

i really find human being very cruel, cared too much abt themselves, want to be the top & can bring ppl down just cos they r afraid they be down so they pull other ppl down first. I 've never yet to met any nice good ppl all my life, except for both my parents. that all, my husband also a good person. even though i am not a hyprocrite or bad person sometimes i am tempted to learn from all those cruel ppl. like at workplace ppl just love to find yr mistake even u did it once, they talk all their life, and make u feel or look like a fool, and antyhign good abt u they gossip it bad beind u and in front they act like an angel. is it like that means real world.?i wnat to be nice also cannot, should i show my anger face, be fierce and unapproachable next time?

From all the self help book I've read, all said be kind, always listen ot others, make other feel important, i 've tried but i failed. in the endi get the pain and hurt.


I am not selective of friends, but I am selective on who is paramount to my life.

I bitch about people that makes no meaning in my life and protect those that I see as important because I reckon even I don't bitch about people whom I have bad impression, they will bitch about me. So I will balance it up on my side. :lol: :twisted:

I always believe that if the initial and second impression fails badly, it's almost impossible to change that kind of impression people has in you. It just stuck there because the impression burns into them. Therefore, realising this part of yourself, there isn't a need to try so hard, other than just having to maintain decent working relationship. What you can do now is to focus your change towards the impression of future friends, whom you are going to meet later part of your life.

I always tell the above statement to people suffering from your kind of crisis.

You must always remember that friends and colleague are mutually exclusive. If you see someone as friends, you won't see him/her as colleague and vice versa.

Focus more onto the people important to you! I won't even waste my time concentrating on a bunch of people that makes no meaning in my life than to develop better relationship with people paramount to my personal growth.

Cheers

Aunt Agony IV 211006 (Continued from AA III 211006)

Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:

hmm...enlightening...i have never seen it from such an angle before.

firstly, perhaps like what u said, i am still not ready to face the music, because previously when she became like that she will recover then back to normal, somehow i just hope to leave a confrontation until the very very last resort..

its not that i never tried to open myself to her, i tried but that only make her become depressed.

for example there was once i told her about what i was feeling when she treated me like crap, but then that only made her become depressed, and then she will put all the blame on her and say she's not a good gf and tell me to let go if i cannot stand her...

how like that? how to open to her? haiz.

somehow i feel, she has this desire to leave, but even she herself is not sure about it, thats why she treats me like that. perhaps now is the time for a confrontation.


Delaying the inevitable perhaps? It's not that you are not ready, in fact you will never be ready as a matter of fact; you are just afraid of the consequences.

I always feel that people prefer to target themselves as the blame (that they are bad/lousy) to conclude the relationship, than to end the relationship amicably because it has to go.

People always mention that Love needs no reason to be together; similarly, it needs no reason for one to leave as well.

P.S: I believe you have your own plans now, therefore, I won’t put anymore words.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 211006 (Continued from AA II 211006)

Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:

i am open to communication, very much. in the early stages of the relationship, when something unhappy happens, i would bring her and talk to her "heart-to-heart".

but she always doesnt want to say anything, once even to a point where she said "i just want to escape from the problem, can you let me do that? that's MY character - to escape - and that's YOUR character, (which is to try and solve the problem by communicating)"

and then go on to say that we are incompatible or whatever. which inevitably leads me to close myself up also. because if i insist on talking about it would only make the matters worst.

everytime i try to talk about a problem she shuts off. so how? how to make her learn to open up? is it that whenever you meet such a person you just have to break off everything with her?

or is it simply that i'm not the person who could open her up?

There's only two reason why people can't open up:

I) Core personality - something that's inside her, influencing that sort of inhibition.

II) Situational reasoning - that love has changed or similar (factors outside of core personality) that influence that sort of inhibition.

You see, not everyone is subjected to a closed mindset; more often than not, it's always how love function in her life that creates that kind of shut down and emotional distance. If her love is fleeting for you, it makes much sense not to be emotionally attached to you, isn't it?

They only way to make people open up to you is to open up yourself. The surest way to keep people away is to keep yourself closed. This is the action and reaction part of opening up. I don't know how to teach you to resolve (I) because it goes more than just words - it's more like a package you are presenting. I have mention in my previous post on the style which you have led your relationship and will worsen (I).

Yes, you may be open to communication, but you are [b]just[/b] open to communication on her part and not yourself.

I will repost what you posted

[quote]Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
I disagree.[color=red] i hide my feelings, my problems, she wont even know that something is wrong, [/color]ie i am perfectly NORMAL in front of her. so she cant be worrying what is bothering me, but on the contrary, I AM constantly worrying whats bothering HER. [/quote]

So you actually see a problem here? (For the benefit of the doubt, I wouldn't say you are selective reading, yet).

As mention in the first paragraph of my previous post, I will repost again:

'....I think it's not that you are unable to accept a silent break - it's more like you are afraid to face the music; if I was you, a confrontation would have took place and simultaneously, probably bid farewell to this relationship for good....'

If she wants to go, I believe nothing will stop her from going. And by default, her desire to leave will make her behave that manner.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 211006 (yunhaier X Missqi)

Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
I've been with my gf for 6 months, i know its not a long time, but still it meant something to me.

I have put in so much into this relationship, sacrificed so much, till the point i think i am willing to do almost anything, i really see her as my future wife, as the one for me...but sadly i am not the one for her...

i have tried my best already, giving in and giving in, but why did things turn out this way?

just yesterday she started ignoring me halfway into sch (we are both in uni) for apparently no reason. (maybe i did something but i wasnt aware) i asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing" she just feels very tired and dun feel like talking.

i know, i can accept that, but the problem is she dun feel like talking ONLY to me, but can chat and joke happily with her friend (who is in same class as us).

why? am i not an important person to her?
why? if she really loves me why does she treat me like that?

for your info she ignores me completely, dun talk to me, and dun even give me a single glance.

today, she ignores my sms and msn, i have a gut feeling..she wants to do a silent break with me..

cannot, i cannot accept it...break up with me if you want, but dun do it silently...no...

previously when she had her mood swings she also ignores me, and when she recovers she will be back and we would become normal again, i dunno if this time she will recover too, but i think my heart cannot take it anymore, the extreme flunctuation, is breaking my heart...

what's my next step? should i go and confront her and do a clean break? really..i cannot accept a silent break..no...no...............no.........


I think it's not that you are unable to accept a silent break - it's more like you are afraid to face the music; if I was you, a confrontation would have took place and simultaneously, probably bid farewell to this relationship for good.

Blind sacrificing and meaningless giving in is just pure foolish - if you think that would create a dream relationship, you are in for cruel surprise.

Even to a seemingly perfect mate, overly shifting of power to one party will often see power abuses of some sort. I always believe that most human cannot handle the responsibility of 'power', therefore in a relationship, if you eliminate the complex but natural power struggle, by surrendering your shares completely to your other mate, your action will result a change in her attitude and mindset gradually as she ascend into her royal throne (CloUdiSm; Leadership Management in BGR).


Originally posted by FailureOfTheNation:
i disagree. i hide my feelings, my problems, she wont even know that something is wrong, ie i am perfectly NORMAL in front of her. so she cant be worrying what is bothering me, but on the contrary, I AM constantly worrying whats bothering HER.

the way u describe is so much like the situation from my side now. i want badly to help, but doesnt know how to, and there she is, trying to tell me "nothing is wrong" when i can tell she's not.

all i want is to know her problems, so i can share her burden..



Originally posted by missqi:
Any relationship with any cracks in it; should be abandoned, because no matter how you try to hide those cracks, or repair it, they will forever be there.



This makes no common sense; if you think that a relationship will succeed in that manner, no wonder you have four failed relationship, all lasted less than half a year because you don't even realise what's wrong with the above statement.

You are trying so hard to create that perfect mate phenomenon... that kind of mate that will treat a woman right and even sacrificing/suppressing yourself in attempt to maintain that perfect image. Very noble thoughts; the wanting to protect your love one from their problems and not implicate them with your issues. The minute you do that, you are fuelling a critical error that will post a huge hurdle to resolve in the future.

By keeping everything to yourself, you are cutting important communication, adopting emotional distance and putting on a jester mask; a facade saying that everything is fine. You may be the best jester in town, but no comical play can ever disguise the emotional distance you have created. Over time, this is felt subconsciously and your love will mirror the effect back at you.

Distance will beget longer distance.

You mentioned that all relationship are imperfect, but the real culprit is because we are imperfect people. [I agreed with little Missqi partially, with a variation; most cracks can be resolve (not mended), cracks that are irrevocably unaccepted and uncompromised are usually badly crippled... likely, leading to death].

To succeed in Love, you must give and take simultaneously - understand the importance of equilibrium; Love's Eco System.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 211006

Originally posted by nerfz:
For 20 years of my life, i have see many girls, many type of them, my defination of a "nice" girl is someone who is faithful, have good moral values, doesn't smoke , drinks or club.. doesn't look for fling or ons.. its someone ppl would call a decent girl or a wife-material.. and she don't have to look very pretty or have the body shape of a model.. just average is fine.. is my expectation too high ? i was hoping to have my special someone like this because i am able to fulfill those quality myself.. my problem is that i'm quite shy to girl..

but i just can't find her.. all the girls nowadays like to club, i guess people my age simply go for "fling" and "ons". they aren't willing to commit anyway.. or some girls that are really decent looking, but are really out to waste ur time or trying to get atttention and benefits from you when they already are attached or already have someone else as a target .. i was played once.. she think its nothing wrong about it cause i fall for her myself.. maybe its all my fault. but forget about all that..

"Nice girl" are all attached or they had already fallen for someone else, ironically its always the jerks get them.. my defination of "jerks" is .. someone who always club, flirtly, 2 timer, ABA, cheaters, insenstive ppl, etc.. i'm not saying i'm very nice but at least i know i will treat a girl better and truefully..

i have heard ppl telling me that "Nobody is perfect".. i was wondering if my expectation too high.. true love make u accept the other person.. is it true? does that mean we should go into relationship with a girl with such character? i don't want to because i know it would never last and bound to bring problems and pain to each other.. moreover things would become very complicated..

am i wrong? is my expectation too high?? should i open up and learn to accept others ?? does the problems lie with me..?



I don't actually think you tried hard in your search or even if you have, your search revolves mainly around your comfort zone... like looking for hidden sweet potatoes in that barren farm field of yours, refusing to strike out to greener fields.

Expand that social circle of yours, if you dream of finding someone suitable. Those of your league, falling into your kind of predicament, often claim to be the 'nice guys' and wondering why 'nice girls' are not coming along even though your expectations are simple. The truth is that either (1) you are looking at the wrong place or (2) you just still stuck in that small social circle.

Claiming to be 'nice guy' is a subtle form of arrogance because I always see 'nice guys' slamming people they label as 'jerks'. Obviously there are certain category of guys which are probably condemn for life, but a healthy number of others whom the 'nice guys' label as 'jerks' are actually 'nicer' than the 'nice guys'.

Your problem revolves with your mindset; remove that nice/jerk mentality and focus more on your 'selling' and interpersonal skills. It really amazed me when 'nice guys' are wasting those precious time and effort to analysis the jerks-of-the-world when they should be thinking about how to increase the probability of finding a suitable mate.

For a start, you may want to enlarge your social circle first. If you can't stand clubber girls, then begin your search elsewhere. Nobody says you got to club to be attached - chose another direction then.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 191006

Originally posted by finrise:
Dear All,

Please kindly take into consideration that the below scenario is for your personal brainstorming and providing constructive advice towards other viewers for which maybe in the same plight and not able to sound out for advice.

Let's say fate brings you to know this wonderful gal which you have dream all along for years. After knowing her more tru phone calls. You came to know that she is actually from a wealthy family and high education but comparing to yours you are just a average working class which may maybe earning 1.5k per month and low education.

1) With her family background will you choose to be with her till the end of life as you really thanks God bringing her to You after so many years of waiting?

2) Give her up as you will not want to make her suffer as she well brought?

3) Thanks God for the enlightenment and just be friends with her?

Please give Constructive advice only!!!

Thanks in advance.


I think it's not wise to presume that she is the girl you wanted all your life and have that fixedly mindset to be with her until you expire from this world. Furthermore, it seemed to me that your friendship is probably nothing more than mere phone calls.

If you wanna know how this will turn out to be, you probably have to start knowing her personality and start dating her before could decide your route. Even if she says she doesn't mind, usually such issues don't bother the protagonist as much; it's usually the parents.

Always remember:

Earn less - can strive to earn more
Lowly educated - can upgrade oneself.

If you condemn yourself so quickly, then it's more or less permanent until you decide to break away from your narrow point of view.

We are what we think we are.

Cheers

Blind Compliance

A national blot: Blind compliance

Singapore can't go very far when people accept policies with unquestioning faith.

After years of prodding its citizens to think more and be more creative - even making it a school subject - Singapore has succeeded in moving the ground by, maybe, a few inches.

In other words, things have hardly changed and the majority of people remain largely content to leave the thinking to the government, accepting policies with unquestioning faith.

For the government, this compliance is both an asset - it makes for a governable country - as well as a liability, because countries nowadays compete on ideas rather than hard work.

It often works, but on those occasions when it fails, it could have painful results for Singaporeans.

At any rate, this leave-it-to-the-government trait - the result of years of top-down government and an obedient press - is no panacea for handling modern challenges.

Example: When Lee Kuan Yew spoke of a six to seven million population by 2030, no one questioned its rationale or asked: "Why seven million and not four-and-a-half million" or "How can we reach this target with declining birth rates?" or "What are the social costs of rapid foreigner intakes?"

Nothing. No questions from the mainstream media or the academic community (as far as publicly known). Everyone seemed to have accepted it as inevitable.

Singapore's foreign relations, in particular, have never been much of a public subject, either. That's for the government to decide.

Singaporeans would prefer to talk about shopping than ties with the world, considering it none of their business, lamented the late S. Rajaratnam, the first foreign minister, years ago.

One blogger observed, "When Lee Kuan Yew said something that angered Malaysians recently, almost the entire Malaysian nation reacted. But in Singapore, people left it to Lee's lone voice to fight the battle."

During Lee's rule, this environment was considered an asset. He simply wanted obedient students and obedient workers, whose job was to follow orders unquestioningly.

This is, of course, no longer a desirable trait, but shaking off this apathy is next to impossible.

When Singaporeans read the news, they simply nod their head and figure out how they can benefit from it or run. Few would look beyond the headline to ask whether the announced measure is really necessary or whether there are better ways.

Early this year, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong appealed to Singaporeans: "Speak, speak out, be heard, take responsibility for your views and opinions ... We don't mind if you have different views, but you must have some views.

"If you have no views, I have a problem. If you have different views, we can talk about it and let's do something about it together."

The response was a deafening silence. Some genuinely fear that criticising policies will get them into trouble, while others simply don't know how to articulate.

This could be a natural consequence of decades of top-down rule, or even conditioning, when saying the wrong things could be harmful.

"So why not play safe by keeping quiet," explained a blogger. "Anyway, the government isn't much of a good listener."

For some time now, schools have been teaching students how to think critically, a seemingly ridiculous idea but actually very much needed - except the results have been very slow.

Recently, a mother complained angrily to the press that her child, in Primary 6, was asked to write "a report" in her English paper. "She has never been taught how to do it!"

The people's unquestioning obedience of government policies sometimes causes pain.

Six years ago, when the government launched the S$2bil project to develop life sciences into one of five pillars of growth, parents rushed their children to get a college education on the subject. Few really questioned what it really meant or how many jobs it could generate for first-degree holders or polytechnic graduates.

If the government was behind it, it must surely be a great career! Even with growing signs that many life sciences graduates in the United States were jobless, they plunged ahead. Interest in the biomedical studies in the universities and polytechnics boomed.

Last year, life sciences became the top choice for students seeking polytechnic entry with 26.6% choosing the subject, compared to 17.5% for engineering. There were a total of 23 life sciences courses, offering 2,863 places.

Today the investment is beginning to pay off for the government, but not for many of the graduates. They have found the Promised Land is just not there; the job market can't absorb so many.

The first batch of life sciences students have graduated and many have ended up in junior research positions or manufacturing and sales jobs in the industry, where a degree is not required. Others are forced to work outside the field.

Edmund Lim, 27, who graduated two years ago, and now works as a property agent, told the press: "One of my classmates is working illegally in Australia, peddling psychotropic drugs to clubbers."

Some have gone into teaching or work in pharmaceutical or equipment sales. At least one found a job at a tuition centre.

An educator blogged that he often heard his undergrads commenting, "I enter into life sciences because my parents think that it is the best course after law and medicine" or "the government is promoting it".

This led a Taiwan legislator Li Ao to describe, "Taiwanese are scoundrels, but lovable, Hong Kong people are craftier and Singaporeans are stupider. They don't break rules, but they don't stand out."

Harry's Bar

When to Esplanade Harry's Bar for a short gathering (Sunday's affair) cum double birthday celebration (both YK and Chuwei). It has been damn long since I seen them and was glad to see everybody doing well in whichever aspect they are dealing with currently.

And I had learned about Maria's job - NO DRESS CODE. Slipper and shorts also can. Wtf man! Hahahahaha...









All the birthday are rushing in... I am doomed if I remain jobless.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 171006

Originally posted by silent_lamb:
im 18 and he's 25.

sometimes the age gap realy seems to be abit of problem. whenever i get angry (which is V V V V seldom), he will say that i am a xiao mei mei. so what does a men at 25 wants from women? Love? care? concern? understanding? i really do not know.

and he's has a uper super messy past sexual life. has loads of flings before and is a divorced. how do i know if i am different from those flings? the only thing that assures me now is the fact that he spent almost all his time w me and takes good care of me. at least i know he dun have time for other girls. he tld me he's 25 already and he wants to settle down. i really feel very very insecure. but i do not dare to voice out cos he will start his "xiao mei mei" thingy again..

MEN.. what do u all want from women? how i wish i can open his heart now and see what hes thinkig inside. i really need advice from u peeps. esp a the Men here. cos i just stepped out of a relationship and do not wish to waste my time on another unsincere one. i have no time for flings. im true to him and i wish to know if he's the same towards me.


Words should never be taken at actual value - in fact, take it with a pinch of salt, especially if he has a complicated history because you will never know the truth of his words/promises until time reveals them.

You cannot expect to quit a bad relationship and tell yourself you don't want to waste time with another insincere one because doesn't work that manner. We put the logical equation in your scenario - comparing to a guy without complication strings of BGR, which is more likely to give you the security you seek? Obviously, this is not foolproof, but ultimately, the kind of man you accept in your life is the choice you made to have him inside your life. Whether you perceive him as high risk/low risk - you accept what your choice has decided.

Not that I am biased against people with failed marriages, of course they deserve a second shot at relationship, but to whoever that is dating them, telling yourself that you want this to be risk-free... for them to be true with their feelings... the relationship to be successful... the love to be strictly monogamy... their attitude to be respectful and mature... is indeed a daunting task.

People fail for a REASON - only the enlightened ones will evolved and make good use of their second shot at relationship. A significant group of others never knew why their marriage fails for real. These are the category of people who will probably repeat those subconscious behaviour into their relationship until they become evolve or their partner accepts them submissively.

P.S: Refer to post ‘Aunt Agony 160906’ and ‘Continued from Aunt Agony 160906’ for a case study of an unenlightened man coming out from a failed marriage.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 171006

Originally posted by JennTS:
I guess I should've foreseen something like this happening to me a long time ago, but this is the first time I've ever had to tell my boyfriend that I'm a transsexual (my exs knew about me before we started dating), and it's also my first time to get rejected...

Anyway, here's how my story goes:

Quite recently, I met this Malaysian guy who 2 years older than me, by the name of Harry (not his real name). We chatted online, and somehow both of us really seemed to click together, and after continuious chatting for several days, our feelings for each other started to develop.

He was pretty much the type of guy that I wanted to love. While he may not have been good-looking or rich, he was a really sweet & caring guy, smart, and very capable too. Also he seemed to know way to a girl's heart, and how to treat her very well, and really make her feel loved.

In his eyes, I was his dream girl, an angel in his eyes. I was everything he looked for ever since he lost his previous girlfriend when she died in an accdient. He loved me lots, to the extent that he wanted to marry me in the future, and had the next few years for the both of us all planned out.


But here's the problem, as you all already know. I'm transsexual, and I knew I had to tell him soon, before we got too close to each other and felt 'cheated' after finding out. Initially I planned to tell him a week ago, but I was really afraid that his feelings for me will change after telling him, and I really loved the way things were between us at that time.

Anyway, what I had feared came true after telling 2 days ago. At first he didn't quite believe me, thinking it was a joke, but after i finally convinced him he was left completely crushed. I can't imagine how it must've felt for him then, to find that his dream girl was born a guy, but well, he simply couldn't accept me, and decided to break up.

We used to look foward to talking with each other everytime we reached home, but now he doesn't seem to want to talk with me anymore. Everything between the both of us has changed completely, and I don't think it can ever be fixed, and the past 2 weeks of lovely times are nothing more but memories now.

The perfect guy was in my arms, but I had to let him go simply because of who I am. It hurts to even wonder how many more men I'm going to lose in the future because of this...


Here's a poem he wrote for me 3 days after we met. I treasure this as much as every one of my memories of the both of us.

Ever Wonder When Someone Likes,
You From Out Of The Blue,
But Yet You Never Realize It?,
Never Seems Weird How Love,
Could Turn One's Heart and Soul,
Into A Boundless Joy Of Happiness,
Yet Love Could Even Hurt Your,
But Yet Were Not To Blame,

But I Might Feel That,
But I am Just What I Am,
An Honest Soul Just Wondering,
Holding On To What I Had Before,
Yet You Seem Different,

Where That Adrealine Would Flow,
Through My Vains,
Is This How I Feel About You?

What If It This all Just A Dream,
but Yet It Seems Surreal,
Even Though The days,
Werent Suffice,But It Seems,
To Be True..You Seem Special.


Two separate lessons... two separate person

***

No two ways about this; should you decide to delay your honesty regarding the truth of yourself, you will inevitable fall harder in love as your love will probably vanished as soon as he came into your life. The death of a potential relationship isn't just because you were born a man and difficult for the mind to accept - it's also because of your chosen deception and deceptive relationships are complicated - both heterosexual/homosexual relationship.

Only when you present yourself truly as whom you are and when a potential love accepts you, you will find genuine relationship.

Your lesson is about honesty; your struggle to avoid letting people fall in love with your persona because these people are just loving your mask. You cannot hope to have any genuine relationship unless your mate accepts the real you (CloUdiSm Law of Package - Love brings up everything unlike itself).

***

His lesson is about embracing future and to banish stagnation. The bondage to his past tied down his emotional state - eventually, he fell in love with your persona, which he has greatly lionized, through promises, that you are his perfect mate, model after his deceased girlfriend (both Neptune and Uranus is affected).

His fantasy is shattered - there isn't such a thing as the perfect mate - what's perfect, is imperfection itself. He dwells too much with his past and created much suffering for himself.

***

Two separate person.... two separate cosmic lessons.

One bounded karma.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 151006

Originally posted by tankh80:
Hi all I am a 21 years old NSF here recently my girlfriend just broke up with me she told me to face the harsh reality of she two-timing me. Really dunno how to get ovet this harsh times sometimes i really wanna get over with my life i try to take as much as 20 panandol with alcohol and still i am here talking to u guys, i try to commit suicide by standing in the middle of the road but the driver just manage to brake in time tell me guys am i seriously so stupid u must be thinking that i actually am right in actually fact i think i myself am very stupid why should i end my life just coz of a girl right but i really cannot get her out of my head i find that while i m driving outside i kind of like think of her suddenly and lost concentration on driving almost got into accident outside haiz sianz she is now with her new stead already and i also made a promise to her that i will wait for her to come back to me she knew about this and told me that she won't even come back to me anymore what to do man this is life.

Fact is i try committing suicide in camp in the end one of my seageants stop me from doing it by informing my BOS sianz any can't they let me go and die i juz wanna end all my misery she is a bloody glue sniffer whereas i am a bloody CNB volunteer counseller i feel that i aren't doing enough to help her kick the habit when we were together also the guilt i got from her the feeling i know is true when we were together..... that's y i wan her to patch up with me so badly and the reason why i am willing to wait for her...



I think this is where the problem lies, if my guess is correct.

If my assumption was accurate, you went into a relationship with her, simultaneously acting as her counseller. Here, you are not only breaking the code of ethnics for a counsellor (fine, you are a volunteer), but this is also extremely unprofessional, to be romantically involved with your 'client'.

If I am wrong, kindly ignore the above statement.

***

There is this heavy mote of self pity and extremism in your post. You are trying to foster that knight in shinning armour phenomenon, thinking that your love for her will enable her to straighten her route to a brighter path. It can be incredibly noble for such self sacrificing ideals, but we must have a common understanding that your love is NOT a panacea to her addiction because your love is nothing more than a speck of whirling dust in her eyes; currently, your not the only man in her life my friend.

Please burn this theory in your mind: if you are in a relationship with someone of inferior esteem/mental state - if one cannot enlighten/evolve their partner to be positive/stronger mental state, your partner will influence you to become like themselves. Understanding this, your suicidal thoughts are probably the result of being with her and it has affected you at subconscious level.

To kick her addiction requires little of your love; what she needs is professional counselling or intervention of lawful organization... to learn the consequence of her own karma from the foolishness of her doing. I suggest you give up having that idea of changing her, via having a relationship with you - that sort of love is terribly narcissistic. If you truly love someone, you will do what is necessary for her to kick the addiction, even if you are out of the picture. This is to the extend of her hating you for the rest of her life because true love will not allow you to haughtily see her engage in self destructive behaviour, if you had to power to do prevent it.

What is love to you? Just to have her by your side?

That's so fcuking self absorbed! Because ultimately, you will discover that the one you love the most is but yourself.

You would rather NOT incur her hatred by accepting her self destructive behaviour in a manner where you would try, in vain, to contain it yourself, than to risk this relationship/friendship with her by reporting it to organization that could actually help her, in their own ways, to break her chain of addiction.

The addiction and bad social influence she is being subjected to is beyond you - it has claimed her soul completely. If you wish to live in denial, thinking that your love could change her... would change her... alas... please wake up your idea cause I am saying it twice: it's beyond you.

The bottom of all; you attempt suicide. For gawd sake, if you think that she is the one engaging in self destructive behaviour and needs to evolve, I reckon you are also in need to change yourself because attempting suicide IS INDEED a form of self destructive behaviour.

Read what I had said or scroll through with selective perception - your choice.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 121006

Originally posted by Vonderful:

I am really confused here. I am not sure if my bf is being mean or I am really what he claimed but i just didn't realise..

As some of you here know, my bf is addicted to WoW, and he commits all his free time to the game. I am sickened by it, but came to terms that an addiction is an addiction, you can't expect to pull a man out of his addiction w/o pissing him off...

And i admit that I complained a lot when he spends everyday on his games and he always say he has no freedom to even play games...

I felt that all these arguments are uncalled for since this might just be a passing phase in our relationship... So to better situation, i decided to join him by learning how to play the game. But he gets impatient when i ask him questions about the games...

Then Elindra from this forum offered to teach me and so i went to get the game today, hoping to learn the basics from her then join him in the game so at least we would have some common topics in daily life, and who knows it might bring us closer...

When i got home, (we stay together), I showed him the game excitedly & he suddenly flared up at me," I already told you that if you want to learn it because of me, and not coz you like it, then NO NEED." Then he just threw the game on the bed...

Have i done the wrong thing? Would guys feel pissed off when you think your gf is pretending to like something? I admit i don't like games, coz i always die after 3 mins in every game, no matter what games... but i was hoping that i would like it once i know how to play... Of coz i might not like it ultimately, but i just wanted to try & find out...

Don't know la... Wierd... I'm fine, just puzzled... Coz sometimes you think you've done a darn great thing when in fact, it was a stupid thing to do. Just want to hear from you guys your opinions... You know, you need people to tell you when you are wrong, if not, you forever think you are right one... I want to hear some guys' point of view...

While it is irritating to be with a game addict, i think it's not fair to break up with someone because of an addiction lehz... (but if addicted to another woman is a different story..hump!!!)

Not that I am siding him or saying that what he is doing is right, but i think sometimes when you get addicted to something that gives you pleasure, you would be almost out of control...

I am impressed by some of you, giving up games for your gfs, or if not, at least knew how to balance things, for my bf, i guess he is a little self centered...

I am giving him some 'colours' now and it seems to be working...

Last night i went chill out with my best friends till 1am and when he smsed me, i replied him with one-two-words, and lied to him that i was with this guy (whom he knows has a liking for me...) and when i came home, i just washed up, and went straight to bed without talking to him... Surprisingly, he put down his games to hug me till i fall asleep then he went on to the games...

Funny thing about some people is, you won't grab that person tightly until you are losing grip... I am not punishing him or doing a tic for a tac, i just want to be less available and more bo chap, hopefully to let him get a feel of life without me even though we are staying together... Physically there, but emotionally not...

I am now trying to act like he is losing grip, (when in fact he is not la... haha...), and see if he would make more efforts in our relationship... My friends were telling me last night that all along, i have been peddling the bicycle, and my bf was just free riding...

So now, i shall stop peddling, and when he sees that the bicycle is not moving, hopefully he would help peddle...

If he doesn't, the bicycle might just come to a halt and fall to one side... And there i don't think i need to pick it up and start peddling again... It will be just too tiring to do that, agree?

Hopefully my plan works... A little childish hor? Haha, but not much can be done anyway.



Have you ever thought that your readily acceptance towards his game addiction might have contributed to his nonchalant attitude towards the relationship? Chances are, he is oblivious to how deep this issue has affected you.

It is like if I am born rich and when I spent extravagantly, I will deemed it as normal because I was developed and taught that manner. Similarly, he would have thought that everything is well (because he is oblivious) and be able to leave the relationship on auto pilot mode and everything will still go on smoothly.

There are people who spoke about individual space and freedom - I don't think it should be at the expense or sacrifices of another. Too much individualism promotes self love, not mutual love.

CloUdiSm states this to be Overgrown Baby Syndrome (OBS); where the man goes all out to win their woman trophy in the chase, only having the man turning the auto pilot mode in the relationship, being far too complacent in their comfort zone.

In fact, these are pseudo-security and comfort because beneath the 'everything is fine' facade, lies another story. In your case, you won a short battle, but I still believe in proper communication before investing into those trickery stratagem, essential for you to 'win' the war.

I believe man are still man - they are fools until you reveal emotions to them blatantly. Dropping hints to a man is like music to a cow - they need to be told before they are known. If most man don't even think about what are they going to wear tomorrow, I think it better to presume that, by default, they will fail at all form of clue-picking because they will not think about your clue.

Telling your addicted gamer man that you wanna go watch movie and dragging him out because you desire some life OUTSIDE gaming is NOT even suggesting that message. Even if you repeat that behaviour constantly, I think it's better to reckon the message will not even into him until you speak to him about it. Even if you go out with someone he dislike, it still does NOT suggest anything wrong with the relationship UNTIL you do mention something about it.

The next day, he will probably be consumed over levelling and completing WOW quests than to invest his thoughts into his woman.

Can you imagine if, for example, you tell him: 'I think your gaming addiction is affecting the relationship', leave it open ended, then you continue your strategy? You force your man to think out of his comfort zone and REVIEW his relationship because you are now telling your man to peddle his effort and not waits for the bike to fall.

You don't have to appear like you want him to sacrifice his game to have life OUTSIDE gaming (he doesn't need to), you insinuate the idea across and let him resolve internally. Even if you lay the rules, saying that he can only play only so much... restrict him on these days... you are increasing his thirst for gaming to compensate this addiction because he now sees it as a lack of supply with higher demand situation.

Therefore, you must create a psychological vacuum, by creating security through insecurity, as you need to input NEW considerations into his mind other than just gaming. There must be an ebbing result from his gaming addiction as variables changes and you must not maintain status quo. (Just in case you don't know what I mean, I am saying that you must show him that the balancing scale does not balance if the weights are heavier on one side and you don't go restore that balance by pulling the lighter scale with your hands and make it 'balance' - which I termed it as status quo).

Then effectively, you will pit yourself against WOW, like two different goods. Remember this truth: he will play less only when he gains higher satisfaction in other aspect of life or if it is cannibalizing something which he cannot afford to lose. Therefore, if he nothing else in the world can interest him outside gaming, you show him the debilitating effect of gaming.

I believe that you don't want him to stop gaming altogether; you just don't want him to neglect you - therefore if you can insinuate the fact that spending quality time with you is a satisfaction higher than gaming, he will naturally game less.

Create security through insecurity.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 121006

Originally posted by Xmimi:
Let me give you all a situation. This girl has a bf. And her this current bf dislike her to have any contact with any of her ex bfs and thus make her promise him to cut all contacts with them. There is nothing going on btw the girl and the ex bfs anymore and the contacts that they have are purely acts of common friends. The girl and her current bf quarrelled about it because the girl do not find a need why she has to do so while the bf believed that it is a must. What do you people think? Any comments? Who is right and who is wrong?


Both perceptions are like fire and water; it clashes fiercely because it doesn't blend together.

Nobody is wrong; both of you have the prerogative and entitlement to your own opinion. Some people calls it principles, but regardless, a clashes of views is not about who is right or wrong - it calls for stance of compromising and acceptance.

And the problem WILL persist until compromising/acceptance is made.

***

The act of contacting your past lover/s shakes the security of the relationship - it feeds on the fear of your boyfriend. It doesn't matter whether your friendship with him is amicably a professional one because he probably reckons that if you are still contacting him, it probably hinted the fact that you might not be completely over him.

And regardless of how ridiculous you may think it sounded, action speaks much louder than words and people usually listen to 'action'.

Communicate... talk about it. Since the issue calls for greater mutual understanding of perception, work on it. And I will repeat again: the problem WILL persist until compromising/acceptance is made.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 121006

Originally posted by o-lua:
wat shld i do, say i got a girl i like,.... we got quite close.
but she hints tt we shld remains as friends.

i dunno if she likes me. but i do get her attention, like she used to update me on her daily activities.. and now she's having her A levels. she's like quite sian alr.
so we sorta drift apart lest my smsing, to tell her im there for her.
it's always replied with 'thankew!, thanks!'

btw, i know she's not ready for a relationship. and she's nv been in one becoz she thinks she's not ready. she's rather skeptical too.
and i can see she's uneasy when i get overboard...

what shld i do?
or
shld i try to let her feel tt im ard .. but not pushy and pressuring?
if yes, how?


I don't know if your bone feels it, but to me, motes of your concern are indeed overwhelming, until it became a little suffocating. I am not sure about how others think, but I feel that concerns overly used at wrong situation abase its honourable meaning.

Be there for her what? Be there for A-level? Are you gonna slip little notes of answer under her table? I am fine with '...have my spiritual support...' sort of encouragement - but be there for you? Has she failed her A levels, not gotten the result she desired, or the schools she wanted reject her application, which causes her to cry like a bucket and needed that special attention from someone to be around?

Do you see the illogic behind this statement?

I understand that you want your ubiquitous presence to be felt, but it's like trying to demonstrate overwhelming concern over someone when there isn't a need for overwhelming measures; somewhat like you create your own market, inflate the supply side and realize that the demand isn't as great.

The reason why I am saying this is that although it sounded very noble to make remarks like these - it makes no common sense if the situation doesn't fit them. You WILL come across as a hard seller, or some MLM salesman with blatant intention to sell-more-than-an-intention-to-fulfil-needs and turn people off badly.

She, being not ready, is not exactly an issue because when she goes into university and a nice guy runs along, she will be hooked. The truth is that she is not convince over the fact that why she must accept you into her life. We must have a humble understanding that she doesn't love you... yet, because if she does, you wouldn't even be posting your problems here.

You have to sell yourself to her... all your qualities... and not to appear like you are trying too hard, for each time you make her feel uncomfortable, it reinforced one more reason why she should be sceptical and not give you a chance (I said giving chance and not accepting is because the feelings is not mutual). Nobody likes to be in uncomfortable situation - it breeds uncertainty and will adopt a gradual ebbing stance towards the uncomfortable situation (your case probably spells rejection).

Take all things naturally and you might have a fighting chance.

Cheers

Continued from Aunt Agony III 101006

Originally posted by contagious-nerd:


It is not exactly six years that i like her, i mean she, i can see is the one that will last long if i get her. But i never really go try cause i know its impossible until recently(2-3months) we somehow got closer and i dont want to miss the opportunity, taking steps by steps, trying to prevent any wrong moves. Has been very cautious. She's just has this very attractive personality that make me so happy everytime i get in contact with her. So its not really 6years and notthing happened, or should i say, 6 years but only 2-3months back that i got close to her, for the past 5 years 9months, we just catch up sometimes. I only got my feel when we got close :


There is still much fear... so cautious... so careful... like a delicate glass.

[quote] ....In the end i know its awkard that she didnt want to answer me, like "i'll let you know again?" then i'll just reply her that we cancel today before she denys me [/quote]

Your micro-control of situation revealed more fear; you set judgment just because you think she might be awkward... but it may not be that case? And unknowingly, you might be eliminating yourself due on fear?

Impossible in the past but ok now? You probably meant impossible in the past but when you got close to her, this mission impossible seemed possible now? Which might inevitably reveal how passive it could be on your side to inculcate constant, good friendship (even if there might be the boyfriend-factor, which might hinder you in the past)?

The reason why i am saying all this is because I sense fear in your post and to love is to be fearless... not fearful. You may think that your woman is capricious, but she might have pick up those little subconscious messages from your dealings with her, which may cause her to behave in that shifty manner. She is hesitating because something is missing. Something about you...which causes her uncertainty.

If she is uncertain, you must present a constant message about your intent (law of consistency), and not returning one step back on your chase, with every step forward just because your fear reminded you of your need to be caution. You put two uncertain people together, whatever budding love might die of 'natural death'.

I reckon you are afraid to break your one chance and shatter that fantasy of six years forever, like facing rejection face on and not being able to take it.

Sometimes, we just have to accept some risk in our chase. Perhaps it could be the time where we abandon the facade of a friendship and gradually reveal our interest in somebody. There is a difference between dating with an interest and dating hiding behind the facade of a friendship. The former presents a possibility, while the latter waits for a possibility.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 101006

Originally posted by contagious-nerd:
some uncertainty, doubts. :?

brief background
know her for a long time, since secondary, only got close recently.

positive signals

she goes out with me, like the two of us.(not always though)
(she's selective when going out with boys, she dont go out with all boys)

she dont really fancy watching movies, i love watching movies.
(but after we got "close", she started asking for movies)


on the negative side

she sometimes rejects me when i ask her out
why?

feel that she's avoiding me
(slow msn reply all of a sudden when i ask her out/ask to talk on phone)



at first it was rocky. We then got close and slowly started going out, having long chats on msn. Now the situation changed again, somehow avoiding me.(just feeling that it is) but sometimes she does talk to me in sucha way that we are more that just friends.

whats wrong?

p.s its just a brief description, i can elaborate even further if you need on some parts you dont understand/ need more explanation before evaluating.

cheers. :


Six years and nothing was done until now?

If you don't attempt to lose sight of the shore, you will never reach new destinations.

There is so much evaluation... so much analyzing... so much explanation... so much elaboration... so much considering... so much thinking... so much deciding... so much planning... so much this... so much that... and that cost you six fringing years of your unrequited love.

I say hell with it.

There is one common message among them: there is so much fear.

If she was your dream girl six years ago, why nothing was done? On/off friends for six years? How could it be possible unless you are too passive in your approach?

And being passive is a product of fear - people idle because they don't want to change status quo; courage is missing.

人爱者有理，爱人者有勇

How many more six years are you going to waste?

Seek for closure.... Seek for answer.

P.S: To read Chinese Characters, go to View and encode to Unicode.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 101006

Originally posted by DoomedLover:
She has been haunting me for the past 6 years. It was during poly dat we met in 2000. She was 19 and i 20 And i still can't forget her. Not in contact now but every day still think of her. She's my world...
It's like a dream i never woke up from. So real the line between the real world and the dream world is blurred. Partly because the world has not changed much since 2000
How can i get out of it? dreams of her... generally about us meeting after all these years with some sort of cozy, warm feeling of "being home". so all I can really do is just deal with the past and maybe see if anyone else has had this happen.


Love that we cannot have
Is the one that last the longest,
Hurt the deepest
And feel the strongest.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 101006

Originally posted by spink^gurl:
im currently in tis relationship for 2 plus years. He calls me a bitch, never pay on dates, leaves when im late.

He doesnt work and is waiting for enlistment. I work as a temp admin and most of the salary gets "borrowed".

Once when i was waiting for him at mac's (he doesnt like me to be later than me, i saw him approaching from a distance and tried to 'seduce' him by opening my legs and showing him 'that'.

He walk over and slapped me in the face, stomped off. Later he called me and told me to go to his house. we had sex but i didnt enjoy it. he was rough and didnt use a condom. After that he gave me 10 dollars and tell me to take a cab home.

Why is he like that? He wasnt like this in the past.

2 yrs is not a short time, ive committed so much in this rs.. i do everything i think he likes



When you love someone, deliberately raised him and carefully placed him on a jewelled pedestal, you are effectively letting your significant other enjoy all the power he could possible wield in a relationship. There is no power struggle, because you have given up your position to be his equal mate and reduce yourself to that of a acolyte.

You make all the sacrifice to his every whim. In return, I hope you understand that there will be zero respect from your man. You are dutifully 'rewarded' as and when he fancy, and not because love naturally made him so. If you could live with such a situation, then fine, because I know some women are like that. And this category of woman probably believed that love means suffering as they have never understood how it is like to be a man's equal and walk beside him.

I worried about you giving him whatever you reckon is pleasurable to him. Why do you have to love someone, with you constantly on a facade? Giving whatever you thinks he likes is a sign of donning a mask - you want to appear to be like a mate who could cater to his every needs, in the end, your man is likely to prefer your persona and not your real self.

There is inhibition of personalities and they are suppressed because of your fear to lose this relationship. Ultimately you are left with two choices: drop that mask and risk losing the relationship, or keep that mask and lose yourself.

I don't know about your limit, but if a man - someone you deemed as your boyfriend - is capable of slapping you, walking out on you, calling you back for sex, throwing you out the house with 10 dollars for cab fare... all in ONE feat, this is something many guys cannot even put themselves to do it. And if you are thinking about changing him, you better prepare to have a trashed esteem and emotional state.

Cheers

Mental Block

I think I need to reorganise myself - my mind feels a little cramp up.

It's telling me to expand my mental horizon and read more shit.



Maybe I need to find some quality time to freeload books in borders, considering how dangerously low my cash flow is now.

Gawd.

P.S: BTW, the picture is damn fringing` funny.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 061006 (Double)

Originally posted by ladie:
Juz got to know this guy for coming a month, actually only 3 weeks to be precise. He has been goin after me since we first met. Treats me pretty well, but he is perpetually hurrying me into a relationship. He said he likes me alot and im the gal he has been looking for all his life. Told him more than 10 times, or is it 20 times, that we need more time to know each other. after telling him many times, he finally 'accepts' it but he is still talking about it all the time.

Hey, we juz got to know each other! 3 or 4 weeks? and he is not staying in spore. he does visit me every weekend (ie that is only 3 weekends so far). Yes we do talk over the phone for hours every nite, but so wat? can knowing and understanding process be expedited? Ya, then move on to the next stage already then wat? he is still goin to stay there, or at least at the moment untill next year (he said he is planning to relocate to singapore next year). So wat is the hurry?!

This is getting so infuriating!

He juz send me a sms about 'moving on to next stage' jokingly. Gosh! this is realli getting to me.

yes, we are not getting any younger. He is 36 and im 32, but so what? Honestly, what is the hurry?


Originally posted by Yunhaier:

It's probably the 'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset. He is not looking at love geniunely, more than social pressure to be attached and eventually get married because of chronological age. People like him probably believes that love can be developed in the relationship, therefore sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk.

In sales, we call this hard selling.

And too much hard selling puts people off.

Cheers


Originally posted by ladie:

I'm not sure if it is due to the ticking of the biological clock. If it is, i should be the one feeling pressured and tryin to rush things, aint it? After all, im a gal, not getting any younger and gals do have shelf lives, yes?

I do agree with your analyses of "'faster-see-ok-then-faster-book-first' kind of mindset" and "sign the 'contract' first - anything else, later then talk." observation. Been seeing alot of such guys. Dunno what is wrong with them. Had encountered guys who asked me to be gf on 2nd date and start talking about marriage plan on 2nd date! Sometimes i wonder if im taking it too easy despite my biological clock ticking yet still taking my own sweet time or they are juz weird. :?:

And yes, too much hard selling certainly put people off.


Man are different because man invest differently from woman in a relationship.

Woman are usually afraid of marrying a wrong man, while man are usually more afraid of being the 40-years old virgin.

I could see that your need for security rank high in your priorities and anyone who doesn't give you that level of comfort and security will not make it, which may probably be the reason why you are still single, as you eliminated those potential because all the man in your life doesn't give you the time/chance needed for you to 'check goods' thoroughly and agree... for you to be able to give up current security and venture into a new realm - namely a relationship.

I believe that you are open for choices, but not to the extend of desperation. But I also hope that the deliberate time-taking isn't a byproduct of a bad BGR past, which hoist the level of scrutinizing in your search for your other half because having one bad experience doesn't equate bad destiny. Or if you have very empty/clean/clear history in BGR, may I encourage you take calculated risk to learn more about Love in a relationship and not first looking for what you reckon as a decent/perfect mate before having that setting to understand Love.

Moreover, BGR is still a knowing-each-other phrase - you can still back out if someone isn't suitable.

P.S: Sadly, love business has transformed into a buffet-rush-style and not the intended wine-appreciation session. Perhaps people are too pre-occupied with societal pressure of avoiding being a bachelor/bachelorette when they are of marriageable age. Some people worries about the age-kids factor, but I hope to remind everyone that when you say your marriage vow, this vow is only between a husband and a wife - everything else is extraneous.

Because everyone else will leave you someday, during different phrase of your living life, but only your eventual significant other will stay with you until your life expire and on your way to meet God.

I remember fondly about my friend's dad (now living in Aussie) demanded one day specially, just wanting to spent time with his wife, and his wife threw in the kids factor.

'You are married to me; you aren't married to the kids!'

Therefore in a marriage, it's not a question of age, kids, parents, religion, race, distance or whatever - it's a question of Love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 011006

Originally posted by FaithGuy:
Hi everyone,

I am sad, tell me , someone pls, what do you do when you gf is suggesting breakup to you numerous times when you dun agree to that ?

What do you do when your GF is so straight forward and always insults you verbally, your intelligent, your well-being using very harsh words althought you told her numerous times its not correct to do so nicely ?

What do you do when your Gf is complaning and loves to writes complaint letters to retailer on their service on product ?

What do you do when yr gf insult you and yell at you infront of your friends and her family members ?


I know love is a one sided frm me .Its a dual process. Sometimes I find my actions doing more than enough but I hope to play my very best part in my relationship.

she failed me badly, fail her part badly I think. I got only little love from her . I am not being stereo-typed her. That's her impression to me. We been going on steady for a year and 3 months. As days come nearer to today, I feel that our relationship is on the declining stage. I tried very very hard to save, endure ,withstand . Its catching on my limit soon .I am going to suffer a breakdown soon .

NO ! I didnt start this , there is no third parties, no related incidents. This is between 2 of us. It gets a hell lot complicated. She started to insult my parents in our quarrel using the F*ck word. She says there is nothing I can do to when she use this words !

Every little single wrongly white stuff I did, She will yelled at me , in front of her family member and EVEN my friends. I had enuff . She is challenging my ego and pride. Just simple little things, for e.g a detail which I did not asked to the Telephone operator , she would yelled at me in front of her family. I feel like an idiot . our quarrel will always end up in threatening to "BREAKUP".

Today , I am became rebellious. I began to show coldness to her, not carrying her stuff , talked the way she did to me in front of her friends . I got tired of it, I told her I am going off and went home alone without her and her friends.

I want to save the relationship, a lot of times, I gave in although its clearly not my wrong, not my mistake. I hope breaking up is not the ultimate option. But if it is, if it could benefit both of us, I will execute it.


I think despite telling her, she has failed to understand the how it feels to be on the receiving end of those trashing. She probably has a foul temper, coupled with a sharp tongue that is equipped to wound (Likely Mercury in Scorpio).

Perhaps maybe because I am a Leo; I cannot tolerate partners not having simple respect for each other, even remotely human. In fact, yours is classified as an abuse.

I reckon it's some major glitch in her personality that requires more than just simple 'I-told-her-before' kind of thing, which I firmly believe that it will remain in her until a major 'call the a change' catalysis happens.

Should you have decided to break up; reveal her nasty nature in a fashion where it will stir her deeply, and that this is the reason of downfall of the relationship.

P.S: You did all you could; sometimes in love, we can't always be the one ploughing the fields of love while having the other exploiting our efforts. Usually, we do not demand much other than appreciation and though appreciation is such a common word - it isn't widely understood or practised.

Cheers