Aunt Agony 301105

Originally posted by Katie99:
Hi,

I 've never used this site before but was just hoping for a little bit of advice...

I've recently came out of a 3 and a half year relationship as I didn't think it was working and have since met a few guys. The most recent guy is quite a bit younger than me (which took some getting used to!) and we've went on a few 'dates', to the cinema and the pub and things. Anyway, we've met quite a few times over the last month and have ended up sleeping together quite a lot too. Thing is, I just can't work out what it is he wants from the relationship. I spoke to his best friend who said that this guy wants to get together with me properly, but is too nervous to ask as he doesn't know what I want. THe only problem is whenever I approach the subject, he clearly gets really nervous. He's quite shy in a lot of ways, so rarely seems to say what he's thinkin (without alcohol ;). After our last date I asked him what he wanted from 'us' and after he'd finsihed practically having a panick attack he said he thought things were 'cool' as they are. I'm really confused - I really like this guy but don;t want to get hurt anymroe.....help!!!


Things are flowing way too hasty and you are running on a perlious track. The meet up constitute merely one month and the sleeping together part had already occured. It may not be easy to recover from a failed relationship of three solid years - but bear in mind that emotionally, the reaction to this sudden void could be the very reason why all these scenario took place.

Love becomes very blur and you have people waiting to fill in application... hoping for some success in wooing you. One candidate arrive and you sees him as a potential. To you, it probably means that you are too used in being in a relationship that subconsciously, singlehood seemed so alien to you. To this man, it could mean sex, fun and company.

When sex comes into the picture BEFORE a relationship, it is like putting the cart before the horse - all your variables changes. If people could have the opportunity to walk out of a retail store with any items and pay some other day, what are the chances anyone would pay? Even if you will receive some payment, one thing is for sure: anyone who pays will delay the payment.

Your man isn't shy - in fact, he is reviewing his stand now. Chances are, his feelings for you may not justify a relationship for him. Things are 'cool' now? Of course things are 'cool'! All the fun MINUS the commitment and responsibility of a relationship... who doesn't want it? Just like who doesn't want to walk out of any retail store, with any items, while paying on a later date?

***

When you fall in Love, you draw up the portcullis that guards your emotions. You become vulnerable to emotional injury and this is inevitable because you allowed access for Love to enter. You cannot Love without Hurt, even with the best security system you set up emotionally. This is an unwritten promise.

It seemed to me that you need more time to get over yourself before embarking on a new journey in BGR. After all these 'fun company' you gain from each other, you become fearful as certain familar confusion (probably as experienced in your previous relationship) are surfacing. You now demand a relationship to secure your stand, but your man hesitated.

There are reasons why he is hesitating and being shy has absolutely nothing to do with it. Please spare some thoughts to my post and think.

Cheers