Originally posted by twenty47:
my gf and me is walking towards our 10th month together and i am loving her as much as the 1st day we are together.
we chat almost everynight on msn since we started and i always try to make our conversation interesting, stress free, fun and always trying to be as accomodating/gentle to her as possible and always initiating topics so that we can chat about.
but recently, it seems we have a problem carrying on with our conversation. for example, when i tell her something that i've done today or something that i just saw, she gives me 1 word replies like, "orh", "ic", "ok" which is making it really tough for me to carry on talking. then we'll just remain quiet till i talk to her again about some other topics. recently, she just simply types "i go sleep le. nitez." and goes offline immediately without even giving me a chance to wish her goodnight which is a habit of mine. last time, it was always sweet and she will type things like "goodnight lao gong" and such.
is this normal between you and your partner? is it a sign saying that she sees it as the end of our honeymoon period? is it an indication that she is tired of me? all these questions are bothering me and i do hope the kind folks here will be able to give me some guidance. i treasure her but now i am in pain...
Causal communication is not a commitment.
You don't call and chat just because it seemed like a duty to do so.
It makes relationship seemed more like a liability than a natural flow.
What you are facing is the reality side of relationship - you won't find a couple chatting with one another everyday, for hours, without losing the reason to chat (even the most compatible couple with powerful mercury synastry will face planet retrograding at times).
You must hop your relationship to the next level - where you share mutual interest and hobbies, so has to facilitate causal conversation as well. Nothing beats doing something together - it will strengthen your bonds and introduce lifestyle integration.
Cheers
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
香港。。。我来了！！！
I AM FINALLY GOING HONGKONG!!!!!!!!
MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!
我来了！！！！
(Encode to Unicode - UTF-8 to read characters)
P.S: Yunhaier will close shop for one week... therefore, all Aunt Agony will cease till then. ^_-
Cheers
MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!
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我来了！！！！
(Encode to Unicode - UTF-8 to read characters)
P.S: Yunhaier will close shop for one week... therefore, all Aunt Agony will cease till then. ^_-
Cheers
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Aunt Agony 210606 (Reply to AA II 200606)
Originally posted by shining*star:
Yunhaier:
I guess the real problem is I cannot figure out why the love had "long ceased to exist"... From what I understand, you are saying I am deceiving myself. That few sentences scares me.
I feel so terrible. Have the urge to pick up the phone and msg him something. Been trying very hard not to. But the urge of knowing how he's doing and seeing me is so overwhelming. Why do I miss him? I know he treats me bad. But occassionally there are ok times. :cry:
The thing is do we have to figure out why love had long ceased to exist?
Why are we incarcerated to the myth that Love requires a reason to function and a reason to cease functioning?
You don't even know why would you be falling for guys like him, how would you expect yourself to understand the reason why he would devalue you?
You are pondering over a blackhole that leads to nowhere, my dear.
Delusion churned excuses and in turn, produce meekness in you.
What are 'ok times'... as you have so pitifully written? Shouldn't 'ok times' be a NORM instead of something wondrous?
You have invested far too much and your fear revolves partially around this failed investment that is causing you much liability to maintain. Whatever ray of hope you may delude yourself, thinking that everything will turn out well is like praying for a miracle for this liability to transform into assets - to restore your loses.
That's impossible – considering you can't even 'break-even'. It has become a sunk cost.
Cut your loses and learn what has gone wrong, instead of finding what's wrong while you bleed heavily.
Cheers
Yunhaier:
I guess the real problem is I cannot figure out why the love had "long ceased to exist"... From what I understand, you are saying I am deceiving myself. That few sentences scares me.
I feel so terrible. Have the urge to pick up the phone and msg him something. Been trying very hard not to. But the urge of knowing how he's doing and seeing me is so overwhelming. Why do I miss him? I know he treats me bad. But occassionally there are ok times. :cry:
The thing is do we have to figure out why love had long ceased to exist?
Why are we incarcerated to the myth that Love requires a reason to function and a reason to cease functioning?
You don't even know why would you be falling for guys like him, how would you expect yourself to understand the reason why he would devalue you?
You are pondering over a blackhole that leads to nowhere, my dear.
Delusion churned excuses and in turn, produce meekness in you.
What are 'ok times'... as you have so pitifully written? Shouldn't 'ok times' be a NORM instead of something wondrous?
You have invested far too much and your fear revolves partially around this failed investment that is causing you much liability to maintain. Whatever ray of hope you may delude yourself, thinking that everything will turn out well is like praying for a miracle for this liability to transform into assets - to restore your loses.
That's impossible – considering you can't even 'break-even'. It has become a sunk cost.
Cut your loses and learn what has gone wrong, instead of finding what's wrong while you bleed heavily.
Cheers
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Aunt Agony II 200606
Originally posted by shining*star:
Is it true that people don't know how to treasure what they've got till they lost them?
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 1 year plus. Honeymoon period has been over long ago, and for months, I have found myself engaging in quarrels with him almost every other day.
He used to be so sweet and gentle to me – whispering on the phone, caring about my wellbeing, bringing me home every single time we meet up etc.
But now, fourteen months down the road, he seems like a totally different person. He doesn’t respect me anymore. Scolding me vulgarities whenever he likes. Like ch**bye fcuker bitc* etc.
I really love him, and put a lot into this relationship. Friends tell me he is using me but somehow I just cannot bring myself to believe this. He borrows money from me all the time, now totalling up to more than $3k and he never ever returns them.
We come from very different background. I am quite educated, and my parents disapprove of our relationship actually. He is a very typical ah beng. So actually I am really not sure what the future holds for us. But as I've mentioned, I really love him and dote on him. Friends all tell me to stop wasting my time and to break up all that. But it is much easier said than done :cry:
What should I do? My ex boyfriend also treated me very badly, after months of debating with myself, I finally took the courage to break up with him. But he came back after all. I didnt want to patch, and he threatened suicide twice. Why this kinda things always happen to me de??
:( Please help!
Your inevitable exchange with such jerks is a result of your gnawing inferiority living unconsciously inside of you. You may appear (and probably is) to be verdant, raw and innocent in this game of Love, but that the unexplainable brush of fate with these jerks is largely due to your inherent nature of loving the melancholy side of love relationship.
Your style of writing and the outlook of your blog betrayed this very fact.
Your lived very much in this drudgery sea of delusion and that you are probably in love with the notion of Love, more than your lover.
Love to you also probably means certain degree of suffering.
[yunhaier's scribbling: Appeared like a Pisces with Mars severely debilitated in sign of Taurus, Cancer or Libra, with terribly afflicted Neptune. (CloUdiSm X AOS translate it to 70% Disappointed Dreamer and 30% The Novice).]
***
I think you need much tuning in your mindset towards Love because it seemed to me that you exist in a fantasy realm, where mutual love does not actually exist in that dimension.
You are very much in a one-player relationship, enduring nonsense from a lover, whose Love has long cease to exist.
You portray Love in a surreal manner, which blurs the vision of reality and idealism in Love. Like a child who has encountered a tainted evil, you scuttle back to your world of idealism and refusing to accept this certain truth - that your Love is but phantasmal of what your blinded heart wants you to believe.
Don't dwell on past memories to sacrifice your present and future prerogative of rudimentary respect, trust and Love. A fulfilling relationship NEVER loses them... even with the passing of time. I had to accentuate this: NEVER.
CloUdiSm states '... it is we who chose our partner, not the other way round...' If you are so easily deceived by flippant words and the jester mask that your suitor carries with him, then avoid loving such men. For your case, I rather you be protective of yourself and let them prove their worth in courtship, than having you being easily sway by the vagary promise of Love.
As for your current, decaying relationship - it's a matter of time before it ends. And the length of time depends on how much haste you took to gather courage and wisdom. IMHO, it is beyond redemption, beyond repair, and most importantly: beyond reasons on WHY it should survive anymore.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 200606
Originally posted by misery=(:
Not troubled by anything. Just a perpetual thought of wondering if I would ever find my soulmate whom I can share my life with
Everyone desire a soul mate, but the question is: have you even attain 'enough enlightenment in love', so as to welcome the advent of your soul mate?
A soul mate won't and can't just barge into your life just because there seemed to be a missing puzzle within.
A soul mate does not fill voids - instead, it enriches and complements our life.
If there are existing afflictions of mindset in Love, then how can one expect a soul mate to grant entry into one's life? Who knows... there may be a remote possibility that our soul mate had came and left, forever, because our love wisdom is inadequate.
Who are we to blame for our lack of self understanding and our unevolved cosmic lessons of Love?
Reality and fate is cruel, for our time to learn is severely limited.
As a result, we experience myriad of failures and rejections.
The ironic thing is that we don't necessary learn more from our failure; there are times we resist learning, growing and evolving, much more for certain group of people.
Then who's to blame if we are always having unfulfilling relationship?
P.S: Understand the definition of what Love means to you, then having to long for a perfect/soul mate to explain the definition of Love.
Cheers
Not troubled by anything. Just a perpetual thought of wondering if I would ever find my soulmate whom I can share my life with
Everyone desire a soul mate, but the question is: have you even attain 'enough enlightenment in love', so as to welcome the advent of your soul mate?
A soul mate won't and can't just barge into your life just because there seemed to be a missing puzzle within.
A soul mate does not fill voids - instead, it enriches and complements our life.
If there are existing afflictions of mindset in Love, then how can one expect a soul mate to grant entry into one's life? Who knows... there may be a remote possibility that our soul mate had came and left, forever, because our love wisdom is inadequate.
Who are we to blame for our lack of self understanding and our unevolved cosmic lessons of Love?
Reality and fate is cruel, for our time to learn is severely limited.
As a result, we experience myriad of failures and rejections.
The ironic thing is that we don't necessary learn more from our failure; there are times we resist learning, growing and evolving, much more for certain group of people.
Then who's to blame if we are always having unfulfilling relationship?
P.S: Understand the definition of what Love means to you, then having to long for a perfect/soul mate to explain the definition of Love.
Cheers
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Aunt Agony 140606
Originally posted by confusemind:
I am working in a fashion shop. Recently i got to know a girl, a very beautiful thailand girl...She brought alot of clothes in my shop, have a great time with her because she seems so friendly. She spend one hour in the shop and in the end she spend over $700 on clothes.
Somehow, before she left the shop we exchange phone numbers. We chat every night, she told me that she is studying in singapore and she is doing her degree. She did work part time but she doesnt want me to know where she work. As times goes by, from normal friend to close friend. We being going shopping together, watch movie, eat together etc etc. I am a very normal looking guy, walking with her, guys will give a second look at her, i confess to her that i love her after we being together for 3 months. She say she wanted to but she can't. I told her what is blocking our relationship and she say it's her part time job.
She need money to support her studies and end up she works in geylang. I am shock, speechless.. She cried and she told me she really love me.
Please guide me...
This 4 months, time spend with her we always on dutch and i am too poor to let her cheat...
I love her for who she is
Please advice...
Before you allow your emotions to overrun you, I suggest you read through what I have to say before you make any decision.
I) Her job isn't exactly glamorous, albeit you are able to accept it now, it is largely because of the intensity your Love (Uranus-fueled) has weaved, which caused you to overlook any negative aspect about her.
How certain are we to know that this is substantial and not transitory? Probably only God knows, before time would tell.
II) She mentioned that she has financial issue and had to sell her body in order to fund her school fee. But this completely contradicts her extravagant spending. There are two possible reasons: (1) there are things unknown/kept for you and I sense treachery. (2) Materialistic nature/Money hungry.
You may think that I am paranoid just because she works in this line; lemme tell you I used to know someone who prostitute for a living (don't ask me how I know her; everything is due to fate and affinity). And every woman who sells their body willingly have point II in their depressing tale.
How you thought of her is purely due to how she wants to portray to you. She is ambiguous and nobody else could confirm her abstruse background. This is an extremely high risk investment that could change your life. You are too poor for her to cheat? Or excuse to venture into this high risk instrument?
III) Your Love could accept her for who she is (I), and even stomach that sort of adverse risk (II), but how are you going to lead the relationship? Are you going to tell her to stop selling herself? Then who is going to fund her school fees (as claimed) and her sort of lifestyle?
If you are going to lead her to the 'path of enlightenment', how are you going to do that? This is RoHC (Relationship of Higher Complication) and Love itself is not suffice to do the dirty work for you.
Think carefully before you execute any decision. You make rash decisions, you live/die by it.
Cheers
I am working in a fashion shop. Recently i got to know a girl, a very beautiful thailand girl...She brought alot of clothes in my shop, have a great time with her because she seems so friendly. She spend one hour in the shop and in the end she spend over $700 on clothes.
Somehow, before she left the shop we exchange phone numbers. We chat every night, she told me that she is studying in singapore and she is doing her degree. She did work part time but she doesnt want me to know where she work. As times goes by, from normal friend to close friend. We being going shopping together, watch movie, eat together etc etc. I am a very normal looking guy, walking with her, guys will give a second look at her, i confess to her that i love her after we being together for 3 months. She say she wanted to but she can't. I told her what is blocking our relationship and she say it's her part time job.
She need money to support her studies and end up she works in geylang. I am shock, speechless.. She cried and she told me she really love me.
Please guide me...
This 4 months, time spend with her we always on dutch and i am too poor to let her cheat...
I love her for who she is
Please advice...
Before you allow your emotions to overrun you, I suggest you read through what I have to say before you make any decision.
I) Her job isn't exactly glamorous, albeit you are able to accept it now, it is largely because of the intensity your Love (Uranus-fueled) has weaved, which caused you to overlook any negative aspect about her.
How certain are we to know that this is substantial and not transitory? Probably only God knows, before time would tell.
II) She mentioned that she has financial issue and had to sell her body in order to fund her school fee. But this completely contradicts her extravagant spending. There are two possible reasons: (1) there are things unknown/kept for you and I sense treachery. (2) Materialistic nature/Money hungry.
You may think that I am paranoid just because she works in this line; lemme tell you I used to know someone who prostitute for a living (don't ask me how I know her; everything is due to fate and affinity). And every woman who sells their body willingly have point II in their depressing tale.
How you thought of her is purely due to how she wants to portray to you. She is ambiguous and nobody else could confirm her abstruse background. This is an extremely high risk investment that could change your life. You are too poor for her to cheat? Or excuse to venture into this high risk instrument?
III) Your Love could accept her for who she is (I), and even stomach that sort of adverse risk (II), but how are you going to lead the relationship? Are you going to tell her to stop selling herself? Then who is going to fund her school fees (as claimed) and her sort of lifestyle?
If you are going to lead her to the 'path of enlightenment', how are you going to do that? This is RoHC (Relationship of Higher Complication) and Love itself is not suffice to do the dirty work for you.
Think carefully before you execute any decision. You make rash decisions, you live/die by it.
Cheers
Friday, June 09, 2006
Aunt Agony 090606
Originally posted by ducktan:
i treat her like a princess. give in to her when quarrel. but she, everytime when we quarrel, she never fails to break her promises. she promised not to keep quiet. promised not to be so attitude. but when i tell her that she broke her promises, she will reply a ' SO? ' then i also have got nothing to say. there are times when we quarrel till very jialat i will suddenly give in and apologize. then she will then admit her mistakes and promise not to repeat. but again and again she repeats them. i know she loves me. but she doesn't show she that she treasures me. i'm really tired of giving in to her. but if i don't do so, i'm afraid that i will lose her. very afraid. now we have just quarreled. and the same thing repeats itself. i told her recently that this is the last chance i give her to prove that she treasures me. but just now. she just don't want to reply. hang the phone. and i said i wanted a break. she just cry. complains that i don't love her. and i have to call her again and again. people please tell me what to do? i don't want to be the one always to give in. i don't want her attitude and she always breaking her promises. lastly, i don't want to lose her.
thanks for reading. sincere replies please
You are giving in because you fear to lose her. You lost to fear.
She is not learning because she understands that you fear to lose her and would do whatever necessary to upkeep her nonsense. She preyed on your weak strength of character.
What sort of relationship would you want to see yourself falling into? A relationship that fools around with the 'break-up' stance whenever argument arises?
If your Love only understands companionship, then you will probably have to tolerate the 'what's not' until you crumble emotionally.
So you demand changes? And if somebody is not learning, you can't use the same equation to solve the same problem because you will be getting the same result.
What if the way for her to change is for you to be out of the picture? Would you have the courage to walk that route?
This is probably the third case (involving man with weak Mars) we have here. I shall repeat again: When you strive to treat a woman like a princess, at best, you become the best jester in town. Evolve your woman to a queen and you being her rightful king. Then you shall see equality and not lose your dynamic and foundation of your relationship to fear.
Cheers
i treat her like a princess. give in to her when quarrel. but she, everytime when we quarrel, she never fails to break her promises. she promised not to keep quiet. promised not to be so attitude. but when i tell her that she broke her promises, she will reply a ' SO? ' then i also have got nothing to say. there are times when we quarrel till very jialat i will suddenly give in and apologize. then she will then admit her mistakes and promise not to repeat. but again and again she repeats them. i know she loves me. but she doesn't show she that she treasures me. i'm really tired of giving in to her. but if i don't do so, i'm afraid that i will lose her. very afraid. now we have just quarreled. and the same thing repeats itself. i told her recently that this is the last chance i give her to prove that she treasures me. but just now. she just don't want to reply. hang the phone. and i said i wanted a break. she just cry. complains that i don't love her. and i have to call her again and again. people please tell me what to do? i don't want to be the one always to give in. i don't want her attitude and she always breaking her promises. lastly, i don't want to lose her.
thanks for reading. sincere replies please
You are giving in because you fear to lose her. You lost to fear.
She is not learning because she understands that you fear to lose her and would do whatever necessary to upkeep her nonsense. She preyed on your weak strength of character.
What sort of relationship would you want to see yourself falling into? A relationship that fools around with the 'break-up' stance whenever argument arises?
If your Love only understands companionship, then you will probably have to tolerate the 'what's not' until you crumble emotionally.
So you demand changes? And if somebody is not learning, you can't use the same equation to solve the same problem because you will be getting the same result.
What if the way for her to change is for you to be out of the picture? Would you have the courage to walk that route?
This is probably the third case (involving man with weak Mars) we have here. I shall repeat again: When you strive to treat a woman like a princess, at best, you become the best jester in town. Evolve your woman to a queen and you being her rightful king. Then you shall see equality and not lose your dynamic and foundation of your relationship to fear.
Cheers
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Time Quadrant (CloUdiSm)
I dropped a surprise visit on Granny.
I could see a sense of happiness exuding from her body language; this unexplained jubliant vibes coming out from her soul.
The notion that her grandson had visited her BECAUSE he wanted to see her. Period.
Granny wanted to cook/buy me dinner, but I politely rejected because I told her I just dropped by to VISIT her. Period.
There wasn't any hidden agenda; I just wanted to make my presence known to her that I care.
Met Yvonne later; was ages since we had a good chat over good food and some power shopping.
Just wanted to meet up because it has been quite a while. Period.
Although I equally wanted to hit my Baldur's Gate II at my computer, but nothing beats spending short quality time with people we appreciate.
I realise our time is segmented into four distinctive quadrants:
I) Self (S)
II) Partner (P)
III) Relative - inclusive of Family (R)
IV) Friends - (F)
Is it possible to appease everyone with 24 hours, 7 days a week?
And as our social circle expands, more people are topped unto the existing group of people within the quadrant.
But our time remains 24 hours, 7 days a week.
So either one of the Quadrant will have to suffer and sacrifice isn't it?
Which one would it be?
What's your take?
Cheers
I could see a sense of happiness exuding from her body language; this unexplained jubliant vibes coming out from her soul.
The notion that her grandson had visited her BECAUSE he wanted to see her. Period.
Granny wanted to cook/buy me dinner, but I politely rejected because I told her I just dropped by to VISIT her. Period.
There wasn't any hidden agenda; I just wanted to make my presence known to her that I care.
Met Yvonne later; was ages since we had a good chat over good food and some power shopping.
Just wanted to meet up because it has been quite a while. Period.
Although I equally wanted to hit my Baldur's Gate II at my computer, but nothing beats spending short quality time with people we appreciate.
I realise our time is segmented into four distinctive quadrants:
I) Self (S)
II) Partner (P)
III) Relative - inclusive of Family (R)
IV) Friends - (F)
Is it possible to appease everyone with 24 hours, 7 days a week?
And as our social circle expands, more people are topped unto the existing group of people within the quadrant.
But our time remains 24 hours, 7 days a week.
So either one of the Quadrant will have to suffer and sacrifice isn't it?
Which one would it be?
What's your take?
Cheers
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Aunt Agony II 070606
Originally posted by Xmimi:
I have a friend who is in a relationship for 3 years. The guy changed everything for her and do everything for her. However she found that after the 3 years she is bored of the relationship. She is not happy despite the fact that the guy had changed everything for her. She wanted to leave the relationship. Is it true that a relationship will get bored after a few years? What should she do to maintain? Or should she just leave him?
A woman needs a man, not a slave.
The minute the man loses himself and become servile, he blurred the reason/s why she falls in love with him.
This respect is lost.
And Love follow suit shortly.
Cheers
I have a friend who is in a relationship for 3 years. The guy changed everything for her and do everything for her. However she found that after the 3 years she is bored of the relationship. She is not happy despite the fact that the guy had changed everything for her. She wanted to leave the relationship. Is it true that a relationship will get bored after a few years? What should she do to maintain? Or should she just leave him?
A woman needs a man, not a slave.
The minute the man loses himself and become servile, he blurred the reason/s why she falls in love with him.
This respect is lost.
And Love follow suit shortly.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 070606
Originally posted by social_misfit:
Absent for a few months from this forum. Now crawling back for advice after hitting a deadlock again.
I'm not ashamed to admit my love life is as barren as the desert but I'm making effort to change myself and get a life, though still not reaping any rewards from it yet.
I realised I was a no-life bum who would just stay home on weekends and work on weekdays. So I changed myself. I started to go out, be more worldly and be engaged in some activities such as hiking, watching movies and doing window shopping in shopping malls on weekends instead of sleeping at home or hiding behind the computer to surf the Net.
A couple of months back, I got to know a girl when we attended course together. She was shy, quiet and introverted and bespectacled, so looks more like a girl-next-door than a hot babe that everyone would queue up for. But she caught my attention. We got to know each other a little better and exchanged contact information.
I'm a shy guy and I would never had summon my guts to date someone out previously. But I don't know where I got my guts from and I dated her out. Since then, we have gone out for 3 times to catch movies and have meals alone after work. And I made it a point to see her home each time.
Once, she came over to my cubicle to say hello when she saw me there. And during a lunch organised by the company, she came over and stood next to me to talk to me when I stuck with my group of colleagues from my own project team. But then she never initiates any conversation over MSN if she sees me online and we've never talked for days. It was always me who initiates conversations and dates. But she was always obliging and cheery when I do.
She has not indicated she likes me. Yet I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to initiate something. So I'm in the gray area. I've dated her a couple of times and although I might not have "performed" well on our dates, I showed her the due respect and treated her well to the best of my ability.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm clueless, lost and at a deadend as to what to do next. It seems like I'm in a quagmire - neither advancing nor retreating but stuck at a point. I'm wondering if it is time that I should just do the ultimate and make clear to her about my feeling so that she can:
Reject me straightaway if she's not interested or already attached
Keep me on waiting list
Accept me
How? It has been 3 months...And I cannot be a irritating parasite to pester her to go out with me every week as well.
That's strange.
Why would you think that you are an irritating parasite pestering her to go out every week?
Why wouldn't you think that it is quality time spent with people (a.k.a friends) worth going out with? I mean if she accepts your dates, it goes to show that she relatively enjoys your company isn't it? You can't be going out with someone you are annoyed with, could you?
You are walking along the right direction. You could maintain status quo to deepen your spell or cast it if you think it is the right time to do so.
Since you have mentioned that you have evolved your lifestyle, learn to appreciate those new routes you have just begin.
Cheers
Absent for a few months from this forum. Now crawling back for advice after hitting a deadlock again.
I'm not ashamed to admit my love life is as barren as the desert but I'm making effort to change myself and get a life, though still not reaping any rewards from it yet.
I realised I was a no-life bum who would just stay home on weekends and work on weekdays. So I changed myself. I started to go out, be more worldly and be engaged in some activities such as hiking, watching movies and doing window shopping in shopping malls on weekends instead of sleeping at home or hiding behind the computer to surf the Net.
A couple of months back, I got to know a girl when we attended course together. She was shy, quiet and introverted and bespectacled, so looks more like a girl-next-door than a hot babe that everyone would queue up for. But she caught my attention. We got to know each other a little better and exchanged contact information.
I'm a shy guy and I would never had summon my guts to date someone out previously. But I don't know where I got my guts from and I dated her out. Since then, we have gone out for 3 times to catch movies and have meals alone after work. And I made it a point to see her home each time.
Once, she came over to my cubicle to say hello when she saw me there. And during a lunch organised by the company, she came over and stood next to me to talk to me when I stuck with my group of colleagues from my own project team. But then she never initiates any conversation over MSN if she sees me online and we've never talked for days. It was always me who initiates conversations and dates. But she was always obliging and cheery when I do.
She has not indicated she likes me. Yet I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to initiate something. So I'm in the gray area. I've dated her a couple of times and although I might not have "performed" well on our dates, I showed her the due respect and treated her well to the best of my ability.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm clueless, lost and at a deadend as to what to do next. It seems like I'm in a quagmire - neither advancing nor retreating but stuck at a point. I'm wondering if it is time that I should just do the ultimate and make clear to her about my feeling so that she can:
Reject me straightaway if she's not interested or already attached
Keep me on waiting list
Accept me
How? It has been 3 months...And I cannot be a irritating parasite to pester her to go out with me every week as well.
That's strange.
Why would you think that you are an irritating parasite pestering her to go out every week?
Why wouldn't you think that it is quality time spent with people (a.k.a friends) worth going out with? I mean if she accepts your dates, it goes to show that she relatively enjoys your company isn't it? You can't be going out with someone you are annoyed with, could you?
You are walking along the right direction. You could maintain status quo to deepen your spell or cast it if you think it is the right time to do so.
Since you have mentioned that you have evolved your lifestyle, learn to appreciate those new routes you have just begin.
Cheers
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Aunt Agony II 310506
Originally posted by nici:
A sad thing in life is to meet someone who means a lot to u, only to find out in the end dat it was nv meant to be.
I am in a r/s for 5yrs, and we are planning to register for ROM this June.
Actually last yr, we nearly broke up. Because I found out that he had been cheating behind me for months.
Due to his pleas and promises, I decided to stay on, because I am too attached to him. We stay together and my life revolves all around him. How am I going to survive without him?
If he had not cheated on me, I will feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world, because I am getting married. But now I just felt that we are getting married for the sake of marrying; as everyone around is anticipating for this rightful day to arrive.
However, I met A, he was my ex-colleague. My contract just ended (temp job) and now everyday I am thinking of him... I tried to refrain myself from doing so, but the more I try, the more I think of him.
Maybe it's an infatuation.
At work, we rarely talk, even during lunch time. The weirdess thing is I dare not have direct eye contact with him. The moment I look into his eyes, I felt very awkward and uneasy. Is that a sign of in love?
I can't really recollect when and how this starts.
At work, he is really nice to me. even we seldom chat, most of the time our communications is abt work.
He is very attentive to needs. Like pulling a chair for me when mine is taken up, volunteered to run little errands that he shouldn't be doing... eg. scanning documents on my behalf as i am new to that environment. He's a great help at work, with him around, I will never get bulllied or pushed around by others.
When I was seriously down with a fever and flu + cough, he will msg m telling me to take care and must rest more, sleep early, drink more water....
I admitted I was touched... cuz my bf whom i m staying with, don't even bother at all.
A is also very observant. He notices my attires and asked if my wardrobe only consists of dark coloured clothings. I laughed.... There was once during lunch, he complimented me on the way i hold the chopsticks... I blushed... I was like huh?? :oops: :roll:
He buys me lozenges everyday to soothen my coughs and is like shielding me from all dangers and difficulties. I can't help falling into it.
My last week at work, my bf was deployed for an overseas business trip for a week.
I meet up with A twice, for dinner and the other for supper.
Cuz i knew that we will never have the chance again.... when my bf is back.
He knew that I have a bf, and I told him abt my ROM, because I do not want to lead him on or to toyed with his feelings. He seemed shocked and distraughted.
In MSN, I confessed to him that I like him.. and it was terrible that instead of missing my bf whom at the point of time was abroad, my mind was preoccupied with A. I never thought that i will like another person other than my significant other, and moreover within such a such period of 2 months.
I knew I shouldn't fall in love with him, but I just can't help it.
A didn't make any confession until when i asked him through MSN, because, face to face, we avoided talking abt r/s....
Now, I or rather we are merely waiting for my ROM day to come.......
But from the scenarios as stated above, is A really interested in me? Or is it that I am over-sensitive... because my 5yrs r/s lacks of the care and concern since it's already 5yrs; most of the things my bf already take for granted. That's why I am so drawn towards A?
I am going abit crazy thinking of A and my present r/s. Should I get married for the sake of marrying or should I get free?
Maybe my feelings for A is an infatuation.........
But as what A advised me, if i were to make a decision, I am making it for myself and future. Not because of his existence... He even says that we may not be suitable. Is he backing off because he doesn't want to get involved in this mess?
But i can't stop thinking of him day and nite. The feeling is really undescribable.
Your Man
You are so married to security that it is beginning the blur the lines that distinct between love and 'else-other-than-love'. You are a domestic woman, which love has taught you to stay behind the scene, love and be supportive of your man. You gave him all the freewill to do anything he wants (which is a good thing), but you should never compromise what you have given to him, by retrograding your principles and thoughts to fit him and create a distorted picture of Love (e.g. who hasn't cheated? - this is a extremely negative mindset to adopt).
He has cheated and repented, apparently. And you had forgave him as well. If it is one isolated case, fair enough. BUT...
[quote]'...He got himself involved with a married colleague whom has 2 kids and also other women from pubs and massage....' [/quote]
Counting the least possibility, that adds up to three separate women. Registering marriage this June? Do you think that a marriage will change your man?
You should never marry someone thinking that they will change; they won't.
***
Your Lover
A is an example of possible benefic relationship (not necessary karmic). His appearance in your life is very straightforward:
I) He questioned the identity of your relationship and definition of your Love. Namely, would you be marrying for Love or Security.
II) He presents an alternative, in which your mind is beginning to see that it is possible to have a relationship with a man, vastly different from your current boyfriend (that your man is not exclusive and not-the-only-one)
III) CloUdiSm states ‘…we attract the qualities we exude…’ - therefore when your esteem is bounded by his control, which signifies certain degree of inferiority, you will see yourself accepting, regardless, the mindless temper your boyfriend flares into. A presented a side which you thought it was loving and devoid of aggression.
You mentioned that all the pain your SO has inflicted upon you has greatly decimated your love for him and that you will close one eye no matter what happen in the future, which I presume it will include emotional abuses, which has spread regularly over the period of five years (CloUdiSm speaks about Boundary Regression - which is a long theory, but I won't have enough time and space for it)
The truth is that you are unwilling to make decision for yourself and rather circumstance make those difficult decisions.
NOBODY has the right to abuse you, even if he is your boyfriend/husband. And the emotional abuses are so brutal that it has caused you to abnegate your prerogative of Love.... your 'basis entitlement' of being loved and cared for, in exchange of a delusion perception of Love, saying that you must shoulder and accept everything negative about him, regardless.
This is crap.
You are in a 'Love business' and all that comes with the 'love business' must come, not just the negative side of Love.
***
Your Difficulty
Your stultifying effort to make any decision to due to a phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as the Marpessa Complex.
In the Greek mythology, Marpessa was the more fortunate maiden beloved by Apollo, although she would have lived happily ever after with Idas, one of the heroes of the Calydonian Hunt and also one of the Argonauts, whom carried her off from her father with her consent.
Idas refuse to give up and dared to fight Apollo. In the end, Zeus parted them and told Marpessa to choose.
She chose the mortal, fearing, that the God would not be faithful to her.
You are like her; rather the evil you know than the evil you don't, for you rather chose a known wrecked relationship over an unknown utopia.
You are so rooted to the shores of your relationship, even though it has lost much meaning and you adjure the idea of leaving the island even you have the means to do so.
You are buying the ideology of 'security' and despite that you have invested so much, you are still unwilling to abandon your bad investment.
***
Your Voice
You cannot step into a marriage when you have someone else occupying space within your heart, mind and soul.
And you cannot step into a marriage with the power of commitment minus Love.
Because this spells vehement karmic suffering.
Consider this:
I) Avoid accepting commitment/s that you are unsure of - namely marriage. It must be put to later date.
II) CloUdiSm second Law of Love (Law of Relationship Existence) states that '...No one can make us stay in a bad relationship except ourselves...' Learn that you are empowered to make decisions for your love life and quit letting circumstances make for you. If you must leave him, then do so and not subjected to emotional weakness.
III) IF you MUST communicate with him, then by all means do so. If you want to give a chance to this relationship, he must at least know what is happening before he could propose a viable solution to work things out between the both of you or see new reason/s why you should NOT remain in this relationship.
Cheers
A sad thing in life is to meet someone who means a lot to u, only to find out in the end dat it was nv meant to be.
I am in a r/s for 5yrs, and we are planning to register for ROM this June.
Actually last yr, we nearly broke up. Because I found out that he had been cheating behind me for months.
Due to his pleas and promises, I decided to stay on, because I am too attached to him. We stay together and my life revolves all around him. How am I going to survive without him?
If he had not cheated on me, I will feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world, because I am getting married. But now I just felt that we are getting married for the sake of marrying; as everyone around is anticipating for this rightful day to arrive.
However, I met A, he was my ex-colleague. My contract just ended (temp job) and now everyday I am thinking of him... I tried to refrain myself from doing so, but the more I try, the more I think of him.
Maybe it's an infatuation.
At work, we rarely talk, even during lunch time. The weirdess thing is I dare not have direct eye contact with him. The moment I look into his eyes, I felt very awkward and uneasy. Is that a sign of in love?
I can't really recollect when and how this starts.
At work, he is really nice to me. even we seldom chat, most of the time our communications is abt work.
He is very attentive to needs. Like pulling a chair for me when mine is taken up, volunteered to run little errands that he shouldn't be doing... eg. scanning documents on my behalf as i am new to that environment. He's a great help at work, with him around, I will never get bulllied or pushed around by others.
When I was seriously down with a fever and flu + cough, he will msg m telling me to take care and must rest more, sleep early, drink more water....
I admitted I was touched... cuz my bf whom i m staying with, don't even bother at all.
A is also very observant. He notices my attires and asked if my wardrobe only consists of dark coloured clothings. I laughed.... There was once during lunch, he complimented me on the way i hold the chopsticks... I blushed... I was like huh?? :oops: :roll:
He buys me lozenges everyday to soothen my coughs and is like shielding me from all dangers and difficulties. I can't help falling into it.
My last week at work, my bf was deployed for an overseas business trip for a week.
I meet up with A twice, for dinner and the other for supper.
Cuz i knew that we will never have the chance again.... when my bf is back.
He knew that I have a bf, and I told him abt my ROM, because I do not want to lead him on or to toyed with his feelings. He seemed shocked and distraughted.
In MSN, I confessed to him that I like him.. and it was terrible that instead of missing my bf whom at the point of time was abroad, my mind was preoccupied with A. I never thought that i will like another person other than my significant other, and moreover within such a such period of 2 months.
I knew I shouldn't fall in love with him, but I just can't help it.
A didn't make any confession until when i asked him through MSN, because, face to face, we avoided talking abt r/s....
Now, I or rather we are merely waiting for my ROM day to come.......
But from the scenarios as stated above, is A really interested in me? Or is it that I am over-sensitive... because my 5yrs r/s lacks of the care and concern since it's already 5yrs; most of the things my bf already take for granted. That's why I am so drawn towards A?
I am going abit crazy thinking of A and my present r/s. Should I get married for the sake of marrying or should I get free?
Maybe my feelings for A is an infatuation.........
But as what A advised me, if i were to make a decision, I am making it for myself and future. Not because of his existence... He even says that we may not be suitable. Is he backing off because he doesn't want to get involved in this mess?
But i can't stop thinking of him day and nite. The feeling is really undescribable.
Your Man
You are so married to security that it is beginning the blur the lines that distinct between love and 'else-other-than-love'. You are a domestic woman, which love has taught you to stay behind the scene, love and be supportive of your man. You gave him all the freewill to do anything he wants (which is a good thing), but you should never compromise what you have given to him, by retrograding your principles and thoughts to fit him and create a distorted picture of Love (e.g. who hasn't cheated? - this is a extremely negative mindset to adopt).
He has cheated and repented, apparently. And you had forgave him as well. If it is one isolated case, fair enough. BUT...
[quote]'...He got himself involved with a married colleague whom has 2 kids and also other women from pubs and massage....' [/quote]
Counting the least possibility, that adds up to three separate women. Registering marriage this June? Do you think that a marriage will change your man?
You should never marry someone thinking that they will change; they won't.
***
Your Lover
A is an example of possible benefic relationship (not necessary karmic). His appearance in your life is very straightforward:
I) He questioned the identity of your relationship and definition of your Love. Namely, would you be marrying for Love or Security.
II) He presents an alternative, in which your mind is beginning to see that it is possible to have a relationship with a man, vastly different from your current boyfriend (that your man is not exclusive and not-the-only-one)
III) CloUdiSm states ‘…we attract the qualities we exude…’ - therefore when your esteem is bounded by his control, which signifies certain degree of inferiority, you will see yourself accepting, regardless, the mindless temper your boyfriend flares into. A presented a side which you thought it was loving and devoid of aggression.
You mentioned that all the pain your SO has inflicted upon you has greatly decimated your love for him and that you will close one eye no matter what happen in the future, which I presume it will include emotional abuses, which has spread regularly over the period of five years (CloUdiSm speaks about Boundary Regression - which is a long theory, but I won't have enough time and space for it)
The truth is that you are unwilling to make decision for yourself and rather circumstance make those difficult decisions.
NOBODY has the right to abuse you, even if he is your boyfriend/husband. And the emotional abuses are so brutal that it has caused you to abnegate your prerogative of Love.... your 'basis entitlement' of being loved and cared for, in exchange of a delusion perception of Love, saying that you must shoulder and accept everything negative about him, regardless.
This is crap.
You are in a 'Love business' and all that comes with the 'love business' must come, not just the negative side of Love.
***
Your Difficulty
Your stultifying effort to make any decision to due to a phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as the Marpessa Complex.
In the Greek mythology, Marpessa was the more fortunate maiden beloved by Apollo, although she would have lived happily ever after with Idas, one of the heroes of the Calydonian Hunt and also one of the Argonauts, whom carried her off from her father with her consent.
Idas refuse to give up and dared to fight Apollo. In the end, Zeus parted them and told Marpessa to choose.
She chose the mortal, fearing, that the God would not be faithful to her.
You are like her; rather the evil you know than the evil you don't, for you rather chose a known wrecked relationship over an unknown utopia.
You are so rooted to the shores of your relationship, even though it has lost much meaning and you adjure the idea of leaving the island even you have the means to do so.
You are buying the ideology of 'security' and despite that you have invested so much, you are still unwilling to abandon your bad investment.
***
Your Voice
You cannot step into a marriage when you have someone else occupying space within your heart, mind and soul.
And you cannot step into a marriage with the power of commitment minus Love.
Because this spells vehement karmic suffering.
Consider this:
I) Avoid accepting commitment/s that you are unsure of - namely marriage. It must be put to later date.
II) CloUdiSm second Law of Love (Law of Relationship Existence) states that '...No one can make us stay in a bad relationship except ourselves...' Learn that you are empowered to make decisions for your love life and quit letting circumstances make for you. If you must leave him, then do so and not subjected to emotional weakness.
III) IF you MUST communicate with him, then by all means do so. If you want to give a chance to this relationship, he must at least know what is happening before he could propose a viable solution to work things out between the both of you or see new reason/s why you should NOT remain in this relationship.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 310506
Originally posted by sun baby:
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
Aunt Agony
Originally posted by sun baby:
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
Sunday, May 28, 2006
www.geek-box.com
Ok people, have to do some marketing here.
My buddy has just created a website that provides free tagboard service that enables YOU to upload pictures together with the message.
It is relatively new, but it WILL be the upcoming hot shit.
Check them out @: www.geek-box.com
Just look at my tagboard and be amazed! Haha...
P.S: BTW, any ladies interested in him can lemme know. He's a SNAG.... hahaha!
Cheers
My buddy has just created a website that provides free tagboard service that enables YOU to upload pictures together with the message.
It is relatively new, but it WILL be the upcoming hot shit.
Check them out @: www.geek-box.com
Just look at my tagboard and be amazed! Haha...
P.S: BTW, any ladies interested in him can lemme know. He's a SNAG.... hahaha!
Cheers
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Aunt Agony II 270506 (yunhaier X MCsquare)
Originally posted by rikki:
There is a girl I knew, only for maybe like 3 months or so(I mean like actually start talking to her , making friends) . Although the time is really short, but the time we spent together is really a lot. At first, it was just a typical group going out thing. But after awhile, I began to find myself looking forward more and more to this kinda of outing we had, or rather I find myself looking forward to seeing her everyday. Some of you might think, Oh Its just the kind of love at first sight, or appearance love. But its not, everytime i see her. Im so happy, just merely looking at her makes me happy. And when she talks to me, her smile, Kindest. Touch, warmest. Everyday was like a happy day for me. We even talked on the phone almost everyday, we were really close. I wanted to remain the kind of Good friend relationship we had, because im afraid of rejection. Why am i afraid? Because its just so painful, that i actually could'nt get back on my feets everytime i got rejected, the thought of living was meaningless . In my life, I've only loved two girls, And when i said love. I really mean it, after my second rejection I thought that i did'nt wanted to love again, Like whoa how many setbacks can a man take? But then, i've found love again. This time , a greater one, so much that I could really die for the girl. You know in dramas when they said "I love her so much that i would really die for her" . Normally, its only bragging. But this time i really would boldy say, I would really die for her, i would do anything for her.
I find myself extremely devoted to this kind of love i had for her, I actually think about her every single second. Every where i go, i would think about her. Even when i went into a shop, if i see something cute or lovely, i would think of buying it for her, and i did.
And i love her not because she has the most beautiful face i've ever seen, Nor do i love her because of her never failing sunshine smile that she brought upon me. But I love her because i truely love her.
The problem now is, this love i had for her is too overwhelming, its overflowing, And i can't control it. I have to do something about it, I have to confess. But how? Im not trying to make myself sound pathetic or anything, but i would really not love again if this girl dies or anything, because i really cant find myself having feelings for anyone anymore because they are not her. I wanna ask her out one day, some day special. And i would wanna confess to her on that day, But how? How can i do it to make a sucessful one?
Originally posted by M©+square:
You remind me of someone whom i treasured alot. A male friend of mine.
He was always into his talk about his beaut. Claiming what he would have done for her and how much he loves her.
He likes to paint Airy Fairy tales around her. He'll describe how he'll reach out to her and fight for her if ever such incidents and scenario happens.
He'll weep and smile himself silly over the failed attempts(he withdrew his confess) and smile over those things he could do for her.
Sadly, he didn't understand what she wants in a guy.
My dear friend was a pathetic fool.
I understood my friend, how he felt, his tears and his hurts.
All his hot air jazz over becoming her hero became nothing. It became dust....worthless.
Ouch, but I had to agree with MCsquare.
You feared rejection so much, that if you were to break down your thoughts, you will realize somehow, you will do the darnest things that destroy your chance and fulfilled the condition for this rejection to take place again. It is a reiterated cycle because what and how we exude our love, comes from the condition inside of us.
You know why your emotions are so intense? (If you are Scorpio, then x2 to that amount)
Simply because it is SUPPRESSED emotions.
Hate to douse you in cold water, but it is not true love dude. It is love nevertheless, but it is overwhelming... overflowing because it is suppressed. You tried to brush it away and bring down the intensity of your love for her but it kinda backfire. What you did merely strengthen this wild energy of love and the more you tried to control, the more erratic it gets... until:
I) You are unable to control it and it runs berserk.
II) Fulfilled the self prophesy of rejection.
III) Repeat karmic cycle.
If you want love, then remove the fear of rejection. If your love cannot remove the fear of rejection, it will question your love instead.
Cheers
There is a girl I knew, only for maybe like 3 months or so(I mean like actually start talking to her , making friends) . Although the time is really short, but the time we spent together is really a lot. At first, it was just a typical group going out thing. But after awhile, I began to find myself looking forward more and more to this kinda of outing we had, or rather I find myself looking forward to seeing her everyday. Some of you might think, Oh Its just the kind of love at first sight, or appearance love. But its not, everytime i see her. Im so happy, just merely looking at her makes me happy. And when she talks to me, her smile, Kindest. Touch, warmest. Everyday was like a happy day for me. We even talked on the phone almost everyday, we were really close. I wanted to remain the kind of Good friend relationship we had, because im afraid of rejection. Why am i afraid? Because its just so painful, that i actually could'nt get back on my feets everytime i got rejected, the thought of living was meaningless . In my life, I've only loved two girls, And when i said love. I really mean it, after my second rejection I thought that i did'nt wanted to love again, Like whoa how many setbacks can a man take? But then, i've found love again. This time , a greater one, so much that I could really die for the girl. You know in dramas when they said "I love her so much that i would really die for her" . Normally, its only bragging. But this time i really would boldy say, I would really die for her, i would do anything for her.
I find myself extremely devoted to this kind of love i had for her, I actually think about her every single second. Every where i go, i would think about her. Even when i went into a shop, if i see something cute or lovely, i would think of buying it for her, and i did.
And i love her not because she has the most beautiful face i've ever seen, Nor do i love her because of her never failing sunshine smile that she brought upon me. But I love her because i truely love her.
The problem now is, this love i had for her is too overwhelming, its overflowing, And i can't control it. I have to do something about it, I have to confess. But how? Im not trying to make myself sound pathetic or anything, but i would really not love again if this girl dies or anything, because i really cant find myself having feelings for anyone anymore because they are not her. I wanna ask her out one day, some day special. And i would wanna confess to her on that day, But how? How can i do it to make a sucessful one?
Originally posted by M©+square:
You remind me of someone whom i treasured alot. A male friend of mine.
He was always into his talk about his beaut. Claiming what he would have done for her and how much he loves her.
He likes to paint Airy Fairy tales around her. He'll describe how he'll reach out to her and fight for her if ever such incidents and scenario happens.
He'll weep and smile himself silly over the failed attempts(he withdrew his confess) and smile over those things he could do for her.
Sadly, he didn't understand what she wants in a guy.
My dear friend was a pathetic fool.
I understood my friend, how he felt, his tears and his hurts.
All his hot air jazz over becoming her hero became nothing. It became dust....worthless.
Ouch, but I had to agree with MCsquare.
You feared rejection so much, that if you were to break down your thoughts, you will realize somehow, you will do the darnest things that destroy your chance and fulfilled the condition for this rejection to take place again. It is a reiterated cycle because what and how we exude our love, comes from the condition inside of us.
You know why your emotions are so intense? (If you are Scorpio, then x2 to that amount)
Simply because it is SUPPRESSED emotions.
Hate to douse you in cold water, but it is not true love dude. It is love nevertheless, but it is overwhelming... overflowing because it is suppressed. You tried to brush it away and bring down the intensity of your love for her but it kinda backfire. What you did merely strengthen this wild energy of love and the more you tried to control, the more erratic it gets... until:
I) You are unable to control it and it runs berserk.
II) Fulfilled the self prophesy of rejection.
III) Repeat karmic cycle.
If you want love, then remove the fear of rejection. If your love cannot remove the fear of rejection, it will question your love instead.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 270506
Originally posted by Alleycat:
the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.
I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.
Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.
Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.
Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.
A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.
Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.
Will really try to make her feel secured.
I think this is the root of problem.
So many times, when you see people with emotional defects, you can see the root when you understand a certain past - a devastating past that is probably unresolved emotionally and psychologically, which caused the viscous poison to linger. I don't know how she has been handling this implication since then, but I doubt it was well managed because when you looked into her definition of love, it is pretty warped.
You need LOTS of patience and endurance to before you could hope to re-define her definition of love. It shouldn't be changes from outwardly, it must be enlightenment from within, which will create those changes. When one attempt to change because of external pressure, it is largely because of fear. She feared to lose you, thus she had to implement those change to preserve status quo.
Changes must happen because there is strong belief and knowledge that it is the better of things. One must evolve and not temporary suit to its crisis just to avoid further complication, for an outburst will surely happen eventually and revert everything back to square one.
You have to resort to maturity to plant seeds of wisdom into her soul (to make use of Saturn [maturity] energy's to tame, discipline and forge understanding towards her vagary energy of Love) You got to heal what that is damaged and renew herself. And let me tell you that it is definitely not an easy feat and you may probably perish in trying.
Your only hope for this relationship to thrive and prosper is when she has evolved, as mentioned above. It cannot be plain changes that are devoid of understanding, apart from trying to maintain status quo because it will surely crumble with time to come.
Cheers
the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.
I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.
Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.
Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.
Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.
A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.
Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.
Will really try to make her feel secured.
I think this is the root of problem.
So many times, when you see people with emotional defects, you can see the root when you understand a certain past - a devastating past that is probably unresolved emotionally and psychologically, which caused the viscous poison to linger. I don't know how she has been handling this implication since then, but I doubt it was well managed because when you looked into her definition of love, it is pretty warped.
You need LOTS of patience and endurance to before you could hope to re-define her definition of love. It shouldn't be changes from outwardly, it must be enlightenment from within, which will create those changes. When one attempt to change because of external pressure, it is largely because of fear. She feared to lose you, thus she had to implement those change to preserve status quo.
Changes must happen because there is strong belief and knowledge that it is the better of things. One must evolve and not temporary suit to its crisis just to avoid further complication, for an outburst will surely happen eventually and revert everything back to square one.
You have to resort to maturity to plant seeds of wisdom into her soul (to make use of Saturn [maturity] energy's to tame, discipline and forge understanding towards her vagary energy of Love) You got to heal what that is damaged and renew herself. And let me tell you that it is definitely not an easy feat and you may probably perish in trying.
Your only hope for this relationship to thrive and prosper is when she has evolved, as mentioned above. It cannot be plain changes that are devoid of understanding, apart from trying to maintain status quo because it will surely crumble with time to come.
Cheers
Monday, May 22, 2006
Aunt Agony 220506
Originally posted by olala:
I've some problems within and hope to get answers
lets call the gal,gal A
I'm 17 this year,when i was in sec 3,i fell for gal A in my class for mroe than a year
I did everything i could to court her..
I was very chldish in he past
u know,the usual smses and chit chat.giving get well cards and bdae gift
I got rejected continously for more than a year
however,the last straw came when last year she shot straight into my face telling me she dosent like short guys in a scarcastic manner
she too mentioned that I'm shorter than her[she juz got a bf at that time and purpose of me askign was to ask why i didnt stood a chance along]
as far as I know..i'm 1.7 and taller than her
I muz say shes not a bad gal but perhaps all this long courting has made her iritated so she wanted to be blunt
this was around dec2005
[she had an ex b4 and at that time i too was intrested in her but got rejected oso,thats was jan2005]
[her bf had sex with ex b4]
now its mid 2006 and i've given up
I've given up since 3 months back
now i felt happy for her decesion,perhaps i dun feel anything
however,i do see a tremendous change in me...negative
Now,inside me i hate this grudge against gals
a very strong hate[not extreme as in shuning them but holding a grudge against gals bcuz of what gal A have done
Whenever,I someone who i think i'll b intrested,I tell myself not to initial anything with her[eg.trying to get closer]
Also,when other gals tried to express intrests in me,i'll try to ignore and juz let them fade off
it's like i'm hanging on to my ego
In the past,i've tried so hard courting a gal but in the end i got slam striaght in the face and not the mention that her bf had sex with ex's b4
This made me felt unfair that such a bastard is able to get a nice gal
now of corse this whole experiences has made me grow
but the growth stem from the bitterness and hatred towards the opposite gender which has made me realise how unfair this world is
Now,i'm juz someone who dosent want to get into a relationship[suppose i'm intrested in another gal] bcuz of what have happen and a guy who places material and acheivement in utmost importance
whenever i thought
of courting another gal,my pride comes into the pic and then i'll juz tell myself this is juz another abc relationship that'll juz eventually not work out juz lyk what happen to most other ppl
Of course the feeling of beign is love is honey
but the state i'm in and my past seem to forbade me from getting to know other gals on a relationship level
what i'm seekign here is not the'since she dun like u,move on'
cuz i've already mvoe on but it comes with the negative changes
I'm no longer the childish kid who laugh all day but one whos mature to a leve of placing $ and work b4 play to the extreme[i'm probaly even more mature than her in terms of thinking']
Anyone can tell me whats the reasons regarding the change in me?
i need serious and mature answers
i no longer smile much now and the large circle of friends i have,i only chose some which are worthy and hangout with.
btw I'm aquarius and born on 14/2/89
During this difficult phrase of picking up your broken pieces and moving on, it is almost critical how you handle your emotions and the aftermath of any lessons taught by life because it WILL determine how you will be faring in love and your absolute attitude towards it.
Your ego is blatantly wounded when she rejected your affection by claiming that you were too short for her. It doesn't matter whether you were indeed too short (1.7 is still fine imho), because her words cuts your ego savagely like a mindless zombie. Your mind tried to ward off the incoming attack by installing a psychological defensive mechanism to restore that esteem balance she had greatly decimated.
Your misogynist attitude is a by-product of a piercing rejection which you took it personally. One likely scenario could be; chances are, your friends may have dissuade you from chasing her, but you probably turn on deaf ear until she had to destroy that blinded ego of yours to convey that message directly. If you were to reflect objectively, you would have realise that she might have rejected you, however subtlety it may seemed, but your pressuring love merely brush away that notion.
Your desire to amass materialistic power is a change to rebuilt your self worth. It's a very common transformation in Love (especially man), whenever their self worth is being questioned, regarding their personality or when in Love. Money represent power and because you have failed to secure the object of your affection, somehow, it seemed that you could have 'more power' through 'more money'.
So what if you could own the world but loses your soul?
Love is a free spirit that cannot be bounded by any artificial earthly powers. Its beauty can only be attracted and not postulated by some imperative manner.
Your self worth is in a blur, caused by a huge devastation of your falling ego. And this is the crucial moment when you make a choice between:
I) Rejuvenate your soul to explore the meaning of Love and gradually move on the advanced and higher study of Love.
II) Reject the lessons presented to seek your own path.
Aquarius, the water bearer, and it make you a natural thinker. In Love, you are intellectually stimulated, but you must guard against degenerative thoughts that is self destructive because you are so mentally influenced/triggered (and your quality being fixed), that negative thoughts affect you far more insidious than the other signs (applicable Gemini and Libra as well).
P.S: I was once at this cross road of life, to become a fcuking player or to become what I am now. I took the latter road and there are several personal reasons why I did so. Still, it didn't banish the fact that we are all ruled by choices on the kind of attitude we want to adopt in Love.
This is the time to be spiritually enlightened. Explore your religion if you have or if you have none, you could study astrology like myself.
Cheers
I've some problems within and hope to get answers
lets call the gal,gal A
I'm 17 this year,when i was in sec 3,i fell for gal A in my class for mroe than a year
I did everything i could to court her..
I was very chldish in he past
u know,the usual smses and chit chat.giving get well cards and bdae gift
I got rejected continously for more than a year
however,the last straw came when last year she shot straight into my face telling me she dosent like short guys in a scarcastic manner
she too mentioned that I'm shorter than her[she juz got a bf at that time and purpose of me askign was to ask why i didnt stood a chance along]
as far as I know..i'm 1.7 and taller than her
I muz say shes not a bad gal but perhaps all this long courting has made her iritated so she wanted to be blunt
this was around dec2005
[she had an ex b4 and at that time i too was intrested in her but got rejected oso,thats was jan2005]
[her bf had sex with ex b4]
now its mid 2006 and i've given up
I've given up since 3 months back
now i felt happy for her decesion,perhaps i dun feel anything
however,i do see a tremendous change in me...negative
Now,inside me i hate this grudge against gals
a very strong hate[not extreme as in shuning them but holding a grudge against gals bcuz of what gal A have done
Whenever,I someone who i think i'll b intrested,I tell myself not to initial anything with her[eg.trying to get closer]
Also,when other gals tried to express intrests in me,i'll try to ignore and juz let them fade off
it's like i'm hanging on to my ego
In the past,i've tried so hard courting a gal but in the end i got slam striaght in the face and not the mention that her bf had sex with ex's b4
This made me felt unfair that such a bastard is able to get a nice gal
now of corse this whole experiences has made me grow
but the growth stem from the bitterness and hatred towards the opposite gender which has made me realise how unfair this world is
Now,i'm juz someone who dosent want to get into a relationship[suppose i'm intrested in another gal] bcuz of what have happen and a guy who places material and acheivement in utmost importance
whenever i thought
of courting another gal,my pride comes into the pic and then i'll juz tell myself this is juz another abc relationship that'll juz eventually not work out juz lyk what happen to most other ppl
Of course the feeling of beign is love is honey
but the state i'm in and my past seem to forbade me from getting to know other gals on a relationship level
what i'm seekign here is not the'since she dun like u,move on'
cuz i've already mvoe on but it comes with the negative changes
I'm no longer the childish kid who laugh all day but one whos mature to a leve of placing $ and work b4 play to the extreme[i'm probaly even more mature than her in terms of thinking']
Anyone can tell me whats the reasons regarding the change in me?
i need serious and mature answers
i no longer smile much now and the large circle of friends i have,i only chose some which are worthy and hangout with.
btw I'm aquarius and born on 14/2/89
During this difficult phrase of picking up your broken pieces and moving on, it is almost critical how you handle your emotions and the aftermath of any lessons taught by life because it WILL determine how you will be faring in love and your absolute attitude towards it.
Your ego is blatantly wounded when she rejected your affection by claiming that you were too short for her. It doesn't matter whether you were indeed too short (1.7 is still fine imho), because her words cuts your ego savagely like a mindless zombie. Your mind tried to ward off the incoming attack by installing a psychological defensive mechanism to restore that esteem balance she had greatly decimated.
Your misogynist attitude is a by-product of a piercing rejection which you took it personally. One likely scenario could be; chances are, your friends may have dissuade you from chasing her, but you probably turn on deaf ear until she had to destroy that blinded ego of yours to convey that message directly. If you were to reflect objectively, you would have realise that she might have rejected you, however subtlety it may seemed, but your pressuring love merely brush away that notion.
Your desire to amass materialistic power is a change to rebuilt your self worth. It's a very common transformation in Love (especially man), whenever their self worth is being questioned, regarding their personality or when in Love. Money represent power and because you have failed to secure the object of your affection, somehow, it seemed that you could have 'more power' through 'more money'.
So what if you could own the world but loses your soul?
Love is a free spirit that cannot be bounded by any artificial earthly powers. Its beauty can only be attracted and not postulated by some imperative manner.
Your self worth is in a blur, caused by a huge devastation of your falling ego. And this is the crucial moment when you make a choice between:
I) Rejuvenate your soul to explore the meaning of Love and gradually move on the advanced and higher study of Love.
II) Reject the lessons presented to seek your own path.
Aquarius, the water bearer, and it make you a natural thinker. In Love, you are intellectually stimulated, but you must guard against degenerative thoughts that is self destructive because you are so mentally influenced/triggered (and your quality being fixed), that negative thoughts affect you far more insidious than the other signs (applicable Gemini and Libra as well).
P.S: I was once at this cross road of life, to become a fcuking player or to become what I am now. I took the latter road and there are several personal reasons why I did so. Still, it didn't banish the fact that we are all ruled by choices on the kind of attitude we want to adopt in Love.
This is the time to be spiritually enlightened. Explore your religion if you have or if you have none, you could study astrology like myself.
Cheers
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Aunt Agony IV 210506 (Cont. from AA II 210506)
Originally posted by ElvYanE:
first of all, thanks for your reply. you seems professional.. haha
I'm not trying to act as a double of her ex, infact i treat all my gf the same way.. i'm not asking anything in return, i just want them to be happy. Being with her now is a pain, tolerating her anger.. I'm a victim of love, maybe i am blinded.. love is to be played, but not being played by love.. I lost control of this relationship eversince she shown me temper..
I dunno why she keep calling me on the phone, it is because of her boredom? or it is that she needs a free counsellor? or someone to keep her entertained? I dunno the cause.. or maybe she really wants to talk to me so that she can forget about her ex... I'm always so confused.. so senstive about things happening around. She is not giving me faith, no confidence, no encouragement.. Maybe I should make a step back.. draw myself away from this tigress?
Like wat i said earlier, love need time to heal.. give ourself some space to heal.. should i break off with her? or should i stay on, but reduce my commitments on her? I'm on a desperate measures that I might lose her in any seconds..
How to make this relationship possible? I don't want to be her substitute of her ex anymore..
You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers
first of all, thanks for your reply. you seems professional.. haha
I'm not trying to act as a double of her ex, infact i treat all my gf the same way.. i'm not asking anything in return, i just want them to be happy. Being with her now is a pain, tolerating her anger.. I'm a victim of love, maybe i am blinded.. love is to be played, but not being played by love.. I lost control of this relationship eversince she shown me temper..
I dunno why she keep calling me on the phone, it is because of her boredom? or it is that she needs a free counsellor? or someone to keep her entertained? I dunno the cause.. or maybe she really wants to talk to me so that she can forget about her ex... I'm always so confused.. so senstive about things happening around. She is not giving me faith, no confidence, no encouragement.. Maybe I should make a step back.. draw myself away from this tigress?
Like wat i said earlier, love need time to heal.. give ourself some space to heal.. should i break off with her? or should i stay on, but reduce my commitments on her? I'm on a desperate measures that I might lose her in any seconds..
How to make this relationship possible? I don't want to be her substitute of her ex anymore..
You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers
Aunt Agony III 210506
Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:
To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone :cry:
OMG! This karmic relationship truly stirs my heart. This incredible woman actually heed CloUdiSm fourth Law - Law of Greater Good - to such foolish extend. She truly understand what love means without the structure of a relationship - someone who gives because of Love and not because of a relationship.
'...Having to Love is to make the other person happy, even if it means you are out of the picture ultimately...'
Sigh.
Your discovery revealed a new truth, but the feelings that is racing through your heart is more of sympathy than love. Should you have any moral conscience, the least you could do to compensate her is to return her the sum of money she had painstakingly earn to repay your bad debts.
Actually this is the few sort of scenario that would stun me and leave me lost if it happens on me. Usually when I reply to AA post, I didn't hesitate to key in my words so much like this post.
Still...
You cannot afford to give her a relationship because decision and fate has made it such a way. It is fated that the situation has turned out to be this way; you have no choice but to live with your decision. Your gambling has COST you a different route in life for if that didn't happen, you would have been happily married long ago.
If you were to choose to pursue a relationship with her, you will create another regret scenario with your current girlfriend and would probably have to live with it for the rest of your life.
You have no win-win solution, you can only make a painful decision of recognising either's affection, suppress your tears and let it roll when you are alone.
Sigh...
Cheers
To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone :cry:
OMG! This karmic relationship truly stirs my heart. This incredible woman actually heed CloUdiSm fourth Law - Law of Greater Good - to such foolish extend. She truly understand what love means without the structure of a relationship - someone who gives because of Love and not because of a relationship.
'...Having to Love is to make the other person happy, even if it means you are out of the picture ultimately...'
Sigh.
Your discovery revealed a new truth, but the feelings that is racing through your heart is more of sympathy than love. Should you have any moral conscience, the least you could do to compensate her is to return her the sum of money she had painstakingly earn to repay your bad debts.
Actually this is the few sort of scenario that would stun me and leave me lost if it happens on me. Usually when I reply to AA post, I didn't hesitate to key in my words so much like this post.
Still...
You cannot afford to give her a relationship because decision and fate has made it such a way. It is fated that the situation has turned out to be this way; you have no choice but to live with your decision. Your gambling has COST you a different route in life for if that didn't happen, you would have been happily married long ago.
If you were to choose to pursue a relationship with her, you will create another regret scenario with your current girlfriend and would probably have to live with it for the rest of your life.
You have no win-win solution, you can only make a painful decision of recognising either's affection, suppress your tears and let it roll when you are alone.
Sigh...
Cheers
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