Aunt Agony 240309

Originally posted by NEWater

Asperger's Syndrome is considered to be a part of autism. But unlike typical autism where the cases are intellectually-impaired, I'm emotionally- and socially-retarded. I experience tremendous difficulties in daily life from interacting with others, to assimilating successfully into society and suffer for it.

Ever since I've been diagnosed six months ago, I think I've improved markedly in terms of (or attempting to) reading the body language, linguistic inflections etc. of other people in my present work environment, which is the SAF.

Over the past year I've been continuously singled out and bullied for allegedly either deliberate disrespect for my superiors or carrying out my tasks wrongly. While I have indeed been attempting to explain my condition to my commanders lately, they haven't been able to understand, just thought I was retarded or trying to be funny and gain sympathy. But it isn't surprising to me. SAF isn't well-known for attracting or retaining talented and intelligent people.

All along, however, I've been continuously rejected by people and have quite desensitized to getting blown off. But recently, I've been trying in earnest to make myself better with people, attempting to learn of empathy and trying to do things with others, in the social context even though I clearly do not enjoy those activities, but I still end up with the same result.

While I understand that in this day and age, this working world places a high emphasis on teamwork as a catalyst to success, it's outright difficult for me. I think I'm able to sort things out logically at work and try to sort things out as effectively as possible while working as a team, but when it comes down to the day-to-day social back and forths of everyday life, it's a continuous and never-ending struggle for me. No matter how much I try, it's difficult to get people to like me. While I don't think anyone near me distinctly dislikes me and try to actively antagonize me, it's just depressingly disappointing that be it with effort put in or not, I still get the same result. So, why do I bother?

Work and social life with my fellow males aside, I haven't felt any real love for a woman/girl in about 7 years. The female friends that I have tend to bore me to death. The ones I'm interested in are either 2-3 continents away, or think it laughable to be associated with chaps like me.

So, it brings me to question my present interest in majoring in journalism, which requires me to interact and talk with many people. While I have a voracious interest in current affairs, history, philosophy, politics and the like, and writing about it, the future job prospects scare me. I will really have to search people out for interviews etc., and, blah.

I don't know. I like to be alone. In fact, I prefer being alone than to be in a room with someone else. But I know that I have to be with other people if I want to advance in this society.

Death, in comparison, is lonely, isn't it? It seems more appealing. This isn't some random, emo, angsty thought, but something that I've been contemplating for a good, long while. I understand that a lot of us tend to shun from thinking of it, but as an emotionally-impaired individual who is still, unfortunately human, I am still a social animal, and am being tortured for it.


AS (Asperger's Syndrome) most notable signs is the deficit in reading non-verbals: every time you fail to recognize non-verbals cues, it inevitably create some form of a social mess and rejection occurs naturally. When you repeat that cycle a few times, (minus the debate about it being genetic), your environment might just end up reinforcing your condition and worsen your situation.

I understand your situation: is like when you encounter some form of social error in responding to a joke and then you learn how this 'manner' can be told as a joke. Later, in other situations, you might have tried to mimic what you just learn and realized that it backfired for some strange reasons and resulted in another social mistake. And you wondered what went wrong because you felt that you said just the same stuff.

Communication comes in two ways, verbal speech (left brain) and non-verbal (right brain). Impairment of one makes communication difficult because we ALWAYS read both at the same time to truly picked up construct and meaning of messages. We don't just speak in words - we all speak in tones, attitude and other non-verbals.

Through your words, obviously, you have no problem in textual communication because that trigger mainly your left brain - which you don't have any issues in the first place.

You probably need to seek some form of specialist - probably some form of behavioral training and coping skills. It should help you to response better in social situation. Don't see it as a therapy - perceive it as skill set you wished to learn and gain adequate mastery eventually.

You have people paying thousands of dollars learning how to 'date'; similarly learning how to be a 'parent'. In this modern era, it's like we are all going for lessons on learning about things that ought to be 'second nature', but the fact is that everyone has their own strength and weakness. You must understand that the diversity of life and human beings are such that we are all different in various aspects. Although we can recognize our lacks, but ultimately, how we want to overcome this lack makes that very difference.

You might not be about to resume 100% ability in reading non-verbals, but if you can reach 60-70%, I think it's still good.

Just keep learning.

P.S: For AS, there is a fundamental shift in calling it a matter of 'difference' than terming it as a disorder. There are people who prefer to be alone; some calls it a biological thing, but why not a personal choice?

You have your own dream to pursue - don't let AS remove your courage to work towards it. Dreams are dreams because only those who actively pursue them relentlessly can transform those into reality.

Nobody should be denied the right to their own dreams and the only person who can reject is but yourself.

Cheers

I think I saw someone

I have superb observation skills.

I saw someone's picture on a Jar.



Where's Wally?

Wahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaa!

Aunt Agony II 150309

Originally posted by Giddyboy:

I met a thai girl whom i got to know from a escort website. I booked her for 2 hours for sex. But instead of doing anything, we actually just chat, massage each other's back and joke around for the whole 2 hours. After that, we went for makan and i sent her back to her work place at orchard towers. Then she sms me telling me that i am a real gentlemen and feels good been with me and hope we can be good friends.

The next day, i realised i can't stop thinking of her. I called and chat with her ever since then. I even had foolish ideas of finding her a decent job in singapore or some way to stop her from working there. ( Of cos thats impossible i know ). And worst of all i was her only customer for that whole week. As business is pretty bad at orchard towers and she doesn't do business with those ang mohs. i asked i could go down and visit her, but she refused saying she only wants to see me outside and not in this kind of place.

Then i decided to invite her to my house for dinner. She responded very happily and even went to shop for some decent clothes so she can wear it to when she meets my family.

On that fateful friday the 13th, i brought her to my place, intro her to my mum and had dinner. Then we went to my room and chat , surf net. She was really very happy and we even discussed about the next day program. Then my mum asked " Is she staying overnight?" I told her maybe. Her face turned really black and said "NO"

I was somewhat shocked and i suddenly felt everything is going to go wrong. I begged my mum but she refused. I really dont know wat to do.. cause i actually told the thai girl she could stay over, and my parents will be ok with it ( I brought ex gf to my place before to makan and overnight but my mum never make noise ). I went back to my room, and asked her if she wanted to go clubbing. She looked at me and asked whats wrong. I just told her the truth that my parents dont like you to overnight here. After that the thai girl said she's ok with it and that i can tell her the truth. Then she continued serving net and suddenly broke into tears.

I was SHOCKED. She cried. I asked her whats wrong she refused to tell me. Then my mum sms from the living room telling me to ask her to leave. i really didnt know what to do, i felt like as though my life is over. Then i asked her to dry up her face and we leave the house now.

I brought her to hotel 81 and when we entered the room, she was still crying. After she settled her crying, and a long persuading, she finally told me. She told me she put a lot of hope in seeing my family and she even spent money to buy decent dressing for me. She even took a day off from work just for this day.

I apologised and kissed and hug her. She then said, hooker and customer shouldnt have fall in love. I just told her that it's my decision to love her. We chatted about each other's problem, about my strict family and her finanical budern. She has to drink herself drunk every night so she can sleep otherwise she cant sleep. Its really sad. i really wished i can do something for her, and i thought i could make her life happier on friday but it turned out to be like this.

I send her home and gave her 100 bucks. I went home without shedding a single tear throughout everything. The moment i lied down on my bed, i simple broke down. I just couldnt stop crying. In my heart i kept on cursing myself.Cursing myself why am i born in such a strict family and when i didn't study well enough to have a higher paying job. Then i thought of putting a stop to our relationship. I called her told her that today will be the last time we see each other again. She kept quiet for a minuite, and told me she really dont wan me to leave her etc etc etc.

In the end i couldn't bear it, and i told her i will call her again. I really am at loss. i really dont know what to do. To be frank, i broke down several times typing till here. I hate my parents and i hate myself. I really wished i can do something to let her have a better life.

I've hired a called girl cause i feel so sick of the failed relationships i've been through. 9 girls mostly local girls whom i went steady with after my NS. They brought me nothing but anger, disappointment and sadness. I don't know how to put it but i think i really have no luck in meeting nice sg girls who are considerate and senstive (not over sensitive) to me and my friends around me.

My ex gf is a good example. Go out for dinner with my buddies, need to report to her where and with who. Call me every 2 hours to check on me.

I Bring her out with my friends, the first thing she do is hug me and talked to me non stop and then only after talking so much then she say HI to my friends. Really got no respect for my friends. Come my house , she chatted with my mum like best friends and wash the plates after dinner.

Still got many things, too many to mention here.


Falling head over heels with a prostitute are occasional topics that would pop its presence into Aunt Agony every other moment. In my 8 years here, I remembered telling those guys, having exact same scenario as yourself (you can consider them as your predecessor), to report with a reply/topic/post if they are successful in their relationship with these ladies. You know the happily ever-after kind?

None did.

***

Before we start claiming human rights issues about the fact that prostitute are also human beings requiring basic socio-emotional needs - this is in fact a red herring to the real fundamental issues in love, which are classic technique naturally 'used' by our individual cosmic lessons, which could conveniently put us in intensive karmic relationship without resistance. The informal fallacy that prostitute also deserve a partner, in this case, is but a smoke screen to conceal the root of issues - the deficit in learning about love.

Everything occurs within a one week time frame and such pace of advancement is likely to an Uranus-influence relationship. Your failure in previously relationship seemed to share a common factors that (1) you based your decision entirely on affect and (2) you don't exactly know your partners very well when you end up in a relationship with them.

First law of CloUdism states "it is we who chooses our partner, not the other way round.' As much allocation of blame you have attributed to your previous girlfriends, wouldn't you agree that having nine unsuccessful relationship are blatant signals that the root of problem are probably strong hint of suggestion that you are likely the main reason for it?

You mentioned that such disappointment has prompted you to dial a call girl; hence your real agenda is that you wanted a girlfriend, so what you did was to attempt to switch from a paid sexual service to 'convert' them into 'legitimate' relationship. You have used monetary payment to get pass your first door (the approach) because in any given chase, for the masculine role always suffer from approach anxiety (fear of rejection). Your failure in several preceding relationships has created what I termed as love fatigue and in response, people always hasten the process to get to where they last stopped in love.

This creates several structural problems in love, often only expressed itself in later stages.

The condition of this fact doesn't alter, even if you get to know her better before committing anything.

Also, I believe there are certain amount of Transference (shifting your emotions towards this woman, bounded by paid services to response in a certain manner, simultaneously illicit your desire to forge deeper companionship). She reciprocated in a manner (both physical and personality) close to your ideals, but I must remind you that these are merely perception exuded on her part, which might not be consistent with her actual thoughts and feelings.

Man just loved playing the knight in shining armour; don't over identify yourself with the role of a rescuer. Albeit it feels good on the ego, but you subject yourself to blind compliance. Blaming yourself for her helplessness is step one.

P.S: You are pretty much fixed in what you plan to do and like all others before you, I shall say the same: do let us know if this has evolve into a successful outcome. I should still be around.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 150309

Originally posted by Only-Way-4-Destiny!:

I hope you all can give me some help. Age: 15, Secondary 3, Guy. This is my situation.

My parents are divorced and were separated around 9 months ago. I just cannot seem to get over it. I am living with my father but I am still in contact with my mother.

Ever since I kicked my computer gaming addiction; which is probably concealing a lot of my deepest emotions, I am very much affected by that divorce.

I had not felt anything bad about the divorce until around January this year as I was pretty much distracted by my computer gaming habit last year.

My father is remarrying someone else. I am not holding any objections to this or whatsoever. I am on some sort of emotional rollercoaster. I am financially supported but I do not feel any emotional support. I am glad that I have a good aunt who I can share my problems with. She is also very concerned about my emotional well-being.

Once, when she figured out that there was something bugging me, she talked to me and asked me, "If you have one wish, what would you wish for?" Thoughts begin to fill my mind... I got very emotional and started crying and did not utter a word and she comforted me as she knew what did I want. I want to revert the clock back... Where this did not happen.

When I look at others, who have such wonderful and complete familes, I felt a sense of emotional void and sadness... Loneliness too... Sometimes, I would just cry to myself.

I am now much more temperamental and very much more reserved towards my family. I really need some advice. I am starting to lose my motivation and optimism and if I do not untangle this knot within me, I doubt I would be able to move away from the shadow of this and this is going to affect my studies a lot. I really do not know how much more of this can I take.

How can I untangle this knot and be liberated from this heavy stone weighing in my heart?



PS: Sorry for any inconsistencies or mislinking in this... Too many things in my mind.



It would be a self deception if you deemed that this will not going to affect you. Every aspects of our life is like an interlocking system, connected by all the intriguing gears. A slight tweak in one gear will result in a complete change in the monstrous engine of life and everything else will effectively reposition itself.

I would like to address one crucial understanding and distinctive awareness between yourself and that of your father's cosmic love challenges.

(1) Your father, like all other humans, is imperfect by nature. We all are - because we are just human beings. Also, life just doesn't have a ten-years-series manual on parenting, as well as relationship. There are many factors contributing to a successful family and your dad, like all students of love, is learning about his own complication and issues pertaining to his own love relationship - namely between your mum and your prospective step-mum.

You must understand that the collapse of your parents marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. This is but the intensive struggle between your parents' dealing with their spiritual union and this journey belong entirely to them alone. During solemnization, the marriage vow was exchanged between two parties - it was never anyone else. The formation was set at two, hence the dissolution remains at two.

The first step to liberation is never to blame yourself for your parents' lessons in life.

(2) You are part of the collateral damage suffered from the result of their decision. You probably have two choices. One is to deny and practice escapism, while the other is the gain clarity through acceptance and seek to discover your own self actualization.

You are an insightful young man. Your self awareness has concluded that gaming is a form of defensive mechanism employed by your subconscious to fill in the emotional void experience through this ordeal. In your reality, this might serve as a plaster to halt blood from oozing, but my concern is more on your holistic recovery (albeit with scars) and possibly to avoid a karmic cycle of distorted values in love that would continuously create wounds that bleeds you profusely.

I seriously suggest that you speak to your school counsellor, especially since you are concern with your performance in school. Indeed your aunt might serve as a sole pillar of strength in your family setting, but it's helpful to expand your emotional safety net with people whom you can trust and could possible assist you in other settings you are engaged in.

P.S: Do remember, the last thing you ever need is to introduce or adopt habits/decision that will create more misery in your life. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030309

Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Hi all,

I have been lurking these forums and now just gathered the courage to post. I am 37, and was married to a wonderful woman for nearly 7 years. We are now separated for about 5 months. She is living with a man now, and refusing to see me or even talk about getting back together. Long story short, I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman for about 4 months, and when then I realize how dumb I had been, my wife already moved out.

Initally, I thought I could get her back, but as times goes, I see how she had made up her mind, she won't even see me anymore. On top of that, all her friends and family are ignoring me, and rightly so. I tried calling her, texting her, e-mailing her but that just annoyed her more. So I followed my sister's advice and leave her alone for now. But I am afraid that with time, she may drift further and further away and the possibility (no matter how remote) of us getting back together is getting slimmer.

She is the love of my life, and my first love, we had been together as BF/GF for nearly 20 years, and she had been nothing but an angel in my life, but I was so insecure and immature, I went and forsake her love...

Now that I am "sober" about life and my mistakes, I am a better person, I want to make it up to her and "return" her love. The guy she is living with now, I don't think she loves him, I just think she wants some sort of stability and someone that is a contrast to me. I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...

I know many people will say, if I love her, let her go, and move on. But 20 years of her sacrifice and now that I am a better person, I want us, to get back together and truly begin our life and love together. It is worth fighting for, and I would like to fight for her, before "moving on and giving up".

I have drafted many e-mailes to her but have not send them. Should I send them? Or should I leave her alone for now...

Any encouragements, suggestions, welcomed.



Beggars can't be choosers. You might have deemed that you have learned your mistake, but the price of enlightenment comes with a certain cost. Yours is probably at the expense of your marriage.

People do make mistake - the only shit difference is that when the mistake is made repeatedly and the only logical conclusion is that the person is irrevocably damned and unchangeable. Then what sort of redemption do you seek and how would you expect people to believe you?

What are the odds?

You are fighting against an entire army of her support network advocating against you and your intention to get back. Your only bargaining chip (pretty much delusional) is that you feel she still has feeling for you. I must say that you are narcissistic to think along that direction, because feelings like life, do experience death in a permanent manner.

Unfortunately, although you might be enlightened, but this realization is but a product of comparison - that your wife is good because those women whom you have cheated her with, did not meet up to eventual expectations, and NOT because she is indeed good. Your realization is but a light-ray reflection off a glass piece; not that you are not seeing the glorious shine from the sun itself.

So what if you lengthened the years of your union to make it seem as if this relationship was meant to be? The collapse of financial giants in recent news is a blatant statement of the past is not always a good indication of the future. And such ignorance, alone, can serve as the catalysis to ruin anything in life - hence your 20 years are nothing but figures that makes no significant meaning because your decimate your own relationship with bare hands willingly.

Now that you need her and she doesn't need you - does that scenario mirror the exact same emotional turmoil that she had went through previously, while you cheated and even cohabit with another woman for four months?

The cycle of cause and effect is rigid and strict.

You need to evolve yourself. Talk is way too cheap in your case.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 010309

Originally posted by Lovelyman:

Her history is kinda complicated.

She is married at the age of 20 and claimed her hubby (boyfriend) then purposely impregnanted her in order to get her to marry him.After 4 years of marriage with 2 kids.He totally stopped all kinda intimacy with her.His reason is he is too stressful but she found out that he is watching porns from time to time but just dont want to do with her.

During this time her body has changed alot weight from 43/45 kg to 60kg and breast size from C to A/B very saggy.

Her dad commited suicided 4 years back and her husband dont care n dont bothered.At the same time cut all her allowance which was $300 and she decided to come out to work.Since then they stopped talking to each other other then the 2 kids problem.
After working sometime she managed to reduced her weight to 47kg and became very attractive.And for the past 2 years she has took up smoking n clubbings.In that 2 years she had almost 10 diff boyfriends and 1 of them got her impregnanted which she decided to abort it cause that guy kinda wimps.

She has decided to divorce her husband many times but failed.But this time round she is very determined to leave.And she decided to leave becos of me........


Those short-lived multifarious relationships that came along after the gradual crumbling of her marriage is a sign of emotional instability and blatantly a need to fill an emotional void. Some people who resort to 'clubbing' to attract 'new mates'. However, that quality of guys from there are pretty bad and those she ends up in a relationship with probably deepened her karmic love cycle and unleashed greater misery in a seemingly unbreakable chain.

I am assuming that you got to know her through the similar medium as well. And I must warn you that if your relationship is born out of a classic fling and after that, you then decide to develop it into a relationship - be prepared for serious cognitive dissonance.

Without deliberate conscious effort to steer away, all relationship shall perish the same way it was born (Law of Mirror Ending - CloUdiSm). This law corroborated with the logic that if you want X, then you cannot seek to find X in Y because X is X and Y is Y. Hence, you should seek to find X in X and not X in Y. The process in the metamorphosis in evolving Y into X, although served as a conscious effort to steer away, this decision often promise much misery and disillusionment.

In simple, if I want to eat chicken rice, then I cannot make my way to KFC and then request to order chicken rice. Although source might be similar (chicken), but the primary products that KFC is selling is entirely different from your individual expectation of desiring to consume chicken rice.

Hence, if it born of a fling, it often dies of a fling.

***

Her complication in love does not stem from the fact that she is helpless. In fact, she had made many choices in life; just that these choices are decisions that will almost set to plummet the condition of her love life into some karmic crisis in the future (she is facing it after four years marriage).

One must understand that 'having no choice' is a choice. Having poor judgement is part of the reason for choice to be undertaken.

Should you decide to pursue this relationship; unless you take active steps to steer the relationship into a brighter path that could ensure better longevity, if not, you will probably perish in this RHC (R`ship of Higher Complication) because you are unable to assist your woman in eradicating her own karmic love ties.

Cheers

Stark resemblence

Stark resemblence. =D

Aunt Agony II 280209

Originally posted by lanjiaolan:

In this dilema ,I have been with this girl for 5 years ,,, honestly the love has faded and only left with responsibility towards her,,,, friend and family have been pressuring me to marry her , i keep asking myself am I the one for her or should I just break off this relationship so she can find someone better and not hold her back ,,, if you are in this stage you know what i mean because we have been together for so long there are bound to be emotional attachment ,,, is not so easy to call off the relationship

Friends been telling me only marry the girl you love and find compatible and someone whom you want to spend their life with ,,, easier said than done,,,, because you cannot find someone like that ,,,, even if you found her she may not accept you in the first place,, anyone in this situation before ..can enlighten me ??


You already find no reasons to be in the relationship and hence, the last thing you ought to do is to put yourself in denial mode.

If obligation is the only reason why you are in it, but before you decide that all is over, you might want to speak to her and trash everything. You might or might not learn that this relationship is truly over and if the outcome is not promising, as least you can work towards an amicable break-up, which is pretty much a mature way of handing issue, rather than opting to run away.

P.S: Relationship is never static - length of relationship does not guarantee everlasting fulfillment or marriage.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 280209

Originally posted by Jerry1:
Got this news from my gf and it totally broke me down. I have not been sleeping from yesterday till now thinking and thinking.

Have been together with my gf for around 4 months and she has a bad past and she was really truthful about it. Told me basically everything about her past and why she divorced.

To recap a little bit on her background she was actually in a bad marriage with her ex husband for 2 yrs plus due to her ex husband behaviour, basically ignoring her and neglects her. And then she falls in love with an ex colleague which sweet talks her and show her concerns. She also had sex with that cheater colleague due to her love for him.

But it turned out that the guy is actually a cheat and she broke off with him. She also told me another colleague also went after her and he was the relative of the first cheater colleague because they are working in a family owned business. She dun likes him initially but she tried and eventually that guy shows her that he is very sincere and she also falls in love with him. (she actually wanted to use this guy to divert attention so that she can manage to forget that cheater colleague)

But she told me that her last sexual encounter was with that cheater colleague and she has no intimate relationships with this guy initially when we started this relationship. On and off we did discuss about all these stuff and she says that she did not had and sex with this particular guy.

Yesterday she told me that she does not want to hide from me anymore and she did have sex with the second guy (still let him shoot inside). I think she really got poor thinking that nowadays HIV, STDs are so common.

And she lied to me initially because she do not want me to leave her thinking that she is a loose women. (intimate relationships with 2 guys that are actually relatives) She was thinking of telling me the truth but she knows that she is taking a chance of whether I will accept or leave her. But she knows that I will probably leave her after knowing the truth. She was thinking of when to break out the news to me and was planning to do it after valentine day because she really wanna spend that day with her love one and she do not have a good valentine day for many years liao. She actually says that she is guilty of hiding the truth from me initially fearing of me leaving her. But decided to come clean with it because she loves me and do not wan to hide anything from me.

After her telling me the truth, my heart actually went scattered and I was in a complete loss because I really put in my heart and soul into this relationship. She says that it is ok if I wanna leave her because it was her fault and she still loves me (she loves me and dun mind me leaving because she wants me to be happy). She also told me that her feelings for me is completely real and she did love me with all her heart. She did asked me whether I mind her complicated past but I could not answer because it was too sudden for me. A person that I love so much actually lied to me for 4 months, Although she is very truthful on all her past things except this. Now my heart is feeling very sour and I dun know wat to do, if I leave her I will be very very sad and if I stay. The shadow is always there.



The problem with people is that they want to investigate their partner's history, yet their love and maturity are not magnanimous enough accept the outcome.

It's only human if people are very sensitive to 'certain scenario' (open to variety of interpretations), but having that self awareness to understand that since our hearts are not exactly very big to begin with, to pursue relentlessly about people's past is like slapping yourself around a bit with a large trout, while trying to maintain your smile. The question is why then allowed yourself to be confused with all that past when the main fringing thing is to look forward into the future?

That shadow you are talking about is nothing but an illusion of what you perceived as an 'inferior product'. At that very moment when you won the heart of your prized woman, that feeling is akin to a child receiving a present. I am sure that euphoria lasted quite a while.

However, when she poured the truth to you, it's akin to the child opening the present, only to find a broken toy train.

You start questioning yourself like how the child would ask: "how come my present so lousy one?"

But unlike the child receiving the present - can love be inferior?

Or is it because our perception has weaved such a formidable spell, so strong that we began to believe it, even we used to think otherwise?

People talk about love all the time - some even swear by God (you even used words like 'heart and soul...'). But when the real situation arise from nowhere and begin to probe the core fundamentals of your individual definition of this love - the entire structure of that 'cheap-talk' just crumble like a pile of cards, without even the need to say 'lets break-up'.

The relationship just got blown off - like how the little pigs who built their house with straws. Think before you decide to equate your love as prefect, wholesome or 'heart and soul' because they are probably just made of straws - easily shattered by her poignant past.

If you are unable to accept her history, then you might want to consider an exit because you CANNOT change your past. Acceptance is your only bridge to her foolish past. If you decide to love, then you have to walk the talk and learn to build a house of bricks.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 160209

Originally posted by deathman:

hello all. i really need comments and advice on my r/s. i'll just summarise my dramatic love life. my bf and i have been tgt for 3 years. after months tgt, he showed his true colours by being abusive to me whenever he got angry or when we quarrel. abusive act like punching and scratching which happens in public too. i gave him alot of chances by forgiving him until a day when i couldnt tolerate, i initiated a break up. he got worried and told me all those stuffs that he'll change and so, i went back to him. it became such a habit that whenever we quarrel, i will always say break because the thinking that he will only be afraid of break up is there. however for the past 6mths, he stopped his abusive act. my cousins and aunt and friends knew about it because its really hard to hide my sadness and thoughts when i know there're there for me and the bruises, scratches are obvious.

yesterday, a love festival, i guess i'm the only pathetic one. everything went well but not the night. we were at esplanade for some chattings and theres a mini concert so we sat and listen. after some time, he told me that his friend would be meeting him over at his place and he is alr there. so we left the concert after about 2-3songs sang. but its true that the songs sang were boring for us. we went to the bus stop and waited for bus. then he suggested taking train which he will never because he always wanna spend more time tgt. he claimed that because the weather is humid and train will be faster and train might have seats. the thing is bus got higher chances to get seats because train is gonna be damn squeezy and going home by bus takes abt 35mins and train-then-bus is gonna take 45mins.

i got no idea why he suggested this but to conclude that he wanna meet his friend sooner. which girl will be happy when your bf is rushing to leave you for his friends? however after he explained while shouting, i understood and wasnt angry anymore. but he still kept repeating saying that i'm very petty and said out all the past where i'm petty and always saying break easily. i didn't shout out the abusive part is alr being kind enough. i didnt talk back because i dont wanna further embarrass ourselves not knowing that he just kept repeating non stop, even till we got up the bus. alot of people were looking at us and i really felt like a pathetic shit. when we were up the bus, he continued saying non stop and its real loud that ppl can hear me and stuff. keep saying that im petty and alr 19 yrs old still saying break all the time (do you have any idea who made me do this)?

alll he wanna do is to embarrass me but he didnt know he is embarrassing himself even more. he even go to the extent to insult my family. he is 20, who is childish here? he whined for real long till i say 'stop repeating alr can', he gave me 2 scratches on my neck. it hurts yes, but my heart definitely hurt more. i dont know if i should forgive him.

Just a day ago, he told me one of our friend, ts, whacked his gf real hard with alot of blood on the face and body. he kicked, punched, slapped and all. he said he is guilty, but the girl deserved it. he said i deserve it too. and he added, with the tone i give when quarreling and the unhappy face i give, i will get punches from him someday. what should i do? he is alr hinting me. i dont know if i can still trust him anymore. because i dont want the past to repeat, i suffered enough in the past.

i had enough. people keep advicing me to leave him but because i know i still love him, i dont have the heart to really ignore him and break up. i kept forgiving while the phrase 'leopard never changes its spot' is reflecting in my mind.

i am real clueless and have no idea what to do. i havent been contacting him since last night, can anyone help?



People who are violent in love often demands a concrete amount of control over something as erratic as love. If one experienced violence over time, fear will eventually displace the position where love used to be. Love cannot be coerced and the truly problematic ones are the one who end up concluding that they needed more force to curb their love ones from running away, one after another.

Such unrecognized personality will naturally formulate the outcome of self defeat for afflicted Mars never win in love (In Greek Mythology, obnoxious Ares is pretty much hated by other Gods over his love for war) and only the notion of willingness could love surrender itself and truly be tied down.

Also, chances are, guys who display aggressiveness and violence in love might brought up in a family where such occurrence are a norm in the household.

Nobody has the prerogative to physically abuse anyone else. If his brand of love means beating, then you probably don't really need it at all.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 120209

Originally posted by Life is a Mystery:

I have a friend who has broken up with his ex-gf of 8 years about 2 years ago. The girl is the one who suggested the breakup, and the reason being he is just not a good bf to her after knowing each other for more than 10 years. When they broke up, the guy was devastated and has tried all means to get her back, but she was so cruel that she even rejected his proposal to get married.

Now ... 2 years later, she came back to him and asked him back, he... on the other hand felt that he has owed her, as he has not been a good bf when they were together. He is a very responsible person and very loyal to who he loved. Therefore he decided to get back together with her.

I felt that this is so unfair to the guy, as I've seen how he got hurt when they broke up... Just because she is not able to find another bf during these 2 years, or maybe she is already 34 this year ... or for whatever reason, she decided to take him back. What do you all think?

Unfortunately, I'm involved with the guy. We sort of have a relationship, but we are not committed to each other. As I know he has never forget about her, and always want to get back together with her. I knew that this day will come, that's why we had a mutual agreement of not committing to each other. I do love him and even though I know I cannot be with him, I don't want to see him being hurt again.

He still listen to my advice, but I'm in such an awkward situation to give him advice. That's why i wanna know if I'm being bias... or I'm giving him truthful advice.


It’s entirely up to his self determination to decide if she could provide him the happiness he seeks at the end of the day. Love doesn’t always run in a linear fashion because we are always placed in pluralistic circumstances that shape our every present moment and even that one micro tweak might be the catalysis to a different decision altogether.

Who says that a relationship of eight years will guarantee a lasting, fulfilling marriage? Probably only in the eyes of an outsider because in the eyes of a stranger, he/she is not part of that wholesome experience and we are always guilty of judging the quality of relationship based on its length.

Of course in reality, that’s completely erroneous.

Anyway, since TS is not the person involved, I shall not go on any further on that part. But I would like to address one other point:

The truth is that it’s not really him who has received unfair dues, much more than it’s you who is feeling the inequality. Your anguish for him is merely a representation of your own innate feelings for yourself – that someone, who once has treated a relationship so lightly, could haughtily return and claim her throne without even a need to contest for it.

And I will tell you how you have inevitably contributed to your own misery.
Your agreement to be involved in a non-committed relationship is, although a logical method of self protection, but this is precisely the agreement that allowed him to persist in pining hope for her because you have given him the consent to use you as an emotional substitute, without a concrete structure, and he doesn’t have the space to recover naturally from his ordeal completely.

I will illustrate in simple words:

When death of a relationship occur, every unwilling party will go through a natural grieving process, in which at the point of conclusion (when that happens) is always the realization and acceptance in their own irrevocable situation and the outcome of moving on, unless there are situations that halt this natural recovery.

Your presence and agreement in maintaining this non-committed relationship unconsciously allowed him to have an emotional shelter for everything else a relationship could offer, minus the responsibility. It’s almost like staying in the house, without paying the rent.

In another words, if he was once emotionally very attached to his ex-gf, then you merely acted (sadly on her behalf) as the tacit support he had once gotten, while endorsing his placid waiting for her. Surely, upon her return and without hesitation, he will leap over to her.

Now a subtle form of self pity has manifested – you are probably feeling short-changed, pondering why he has still choose her, despite your quiet attempt to demonstrate your affection for him.

Your plight is brought about disastrously by the notion of non-commitment because if he was given a choice in the past: a situation where he has to firm the choice between (1) to learn acceptance, commitment and move on OR (2) to create an interim method, to remain uncommitted and to wait?

Theoretically, you tried to eliminate risk for yourself, thinking that you will be safe because this is an ‘uncommitted relationship’, but reality is such that once you have invested in that dubious deal, you are already into it – regardless of how you perceive your situation.

If this is truly ‘uncommitted’, then why is it affecting you?

Maybe it’s self deception, under the façade of uncommitment.

P.S: All uncommitted relationship built on emotional grounds ends up in contradiction and is oxymoron. You can only have an uncommitted relationship if it’s built on physical grounds like sex because it entirely possible to have a sexual relationship, without paying the emotional dollars. You cannot be emotional and yet unemotional - just like you cannot exist and not exist simultaneously (CloUdism).

Cheers

Chiobu ar!

Just received a PM and I cropped a part of that message (the rest are confidential, so I won't reveal them).

People have this gender crisis over my nick. Somehow, more serious than I thought.

Hmm...

You know, if I am a girl - all the guys in the world going after me will have a tremendous problem because all the tricks in their bags are virtually useless. Using all the shit in my head, I will going to be the most zai zarbo player ever.

That reminded me of the time when I wanted to test out my hypothesis by training 'suitable' woman to be a player.

That never happen - because some of the people which I deemed 'suitable' are too emotional to be able to sustain this sort experiment over a period of time.

Ok - lets not digress.

If I am a girl, how would I look like?

*Flash out picture*

***



***





Cheers

New Age AA confront New Age

It's strange how being superstitious actually provide some form of pseudo-explaination about one's current plight and served as a placebo effect when they try to alter/do certain things to bring about 'a change of luck.'

I was talking to a colleague and she mentioned about Feng Shui, changing of name, etc and all that superstitious stuff and somehow believe that it works if you find the right person.

You cannot imagine the kind of difficulty I had to correct all those years of misconception within a short span of ten odd minutes.

How would a change in your chinese name change your life? I mean like why?

As absurd as it sounds, people still continue to believe in that sort of nonsense.

I must explain myself: my knowledge in astrology is merely a tool for self awareness and psychological assessment. In my belief: no amount of crystal, talisman, or whatever can divert the advert of a karmic trigger. The logic is simple: if you want to study your misery (effect), then you examine at the source (cause) where it first began and work towards evolution (future).

To work towards evolution is to take action in changing certain misery caused by our lack of self awareness. That useless crystal, talisman or whatever is not going to change your fate in any ways.

The truth is that if you want to change your fate - you got to change your mind. And before you can change your mind, you got to change your perspective.

People are successful because they adopt personality or mindset that makes them successful.

And it has nothing to do with the piece of jade in their pocket

Cheers

#6 Congrats Karen

Aunt Agony 010209

Originally posted by Saint`:

I tried to stay platonic but failed .

U led me on with a glimpse of hope and cuddled me to slp when we shldnt.

Only to know i was there to fill a void in ur heart the next day.

I thought i could win u over.

I thought our differences could be smoothen out with years of understanding.

Yet u said a rls shld be exciting, fun and not familiarity.

I tried but only to find myself miserable and suffocating while u r enjoying singlehood freedom.

U conveniently forget promises , yet i remembered every single thing i ever done for u.

Not for returns , but for appreciation.

Maybe u didnt really take me to heart as ur closest friend/lover.

U told me to stay as close friends.

I said i cant treat u like close friend anymore.

U didnt reply.

I tried.

U smiled.

I felt pain.

U felt nothing.

I think i shld let u go.

Gd bye my best friend.



The notion of platonic is always a full stop.

Hence, the problem lies with your notion of platonic - it was blatantly a comma instead. What happens here is that subconsciously, you perceive her as potential - just not yet manifested. Albeit you might see your effort as one-off-no-return, but the truth is that you are counting. Not just generally, but in some specific, precise manner. I will quote two sentences:

[Quote]:

yet i remembered every single thing i ever done for u.

I tried but only to find myself miserable and suffocating while u r enjoying singlehood freedom.

[/Unquote]

If you are being led by people you deemed as platonic friends, then you have to reexamine the premise of 'platonic' - the definition of what it takes to qualify as platonic.

P.S: Most people are conferring the title of 'platonic friendship' as a facade for potential relationship.

And don't get me wrong - it's great to transform a relationship from a friendship. Just that when you deemed certain relationship as platonic - it is a bond devoid of the romantic and sexual love.

Perhaps it might be so for her, but not so for you.

Cheers

金庸crew (穆念慈 - Mu Nian Ci)

Here, I would like to introduce the 金庸 sub-identity for all (gradually) approved by the council (namely both me and Marcus).

I will try to introduce one by one.

***

I will quote from http://condorheroes.silverthreads.net - there are some parts that made me laugh, when I equate the link with ourselves:

Even though Yang Kang is a despicable man who betrayed his country, his love for Mu Nianci (GRACE) has moved the hearts of all.

Yang Kang is a proud man and has only one purpose: money and power. In fact he is obsessed with helping the Jin Empire rule the world. Yang Kang is very intelligent and cunning, though not a man of his words. Aside from his mother and foster father, he is only loyal to one other and that is Mu Nianci.

The only sign of regret the Yang Kang shows for all his wrong doing is when he is about to die. The only good Yang Kang ever does is marrying Mu Nianci and having a son like Yang Guo (BEN). In the end Yang Kang dies and is buried in the dust behind an old temple. For all his attempts to achieve fame and glory in the end, he was buried as a common man.

Mu Nianci falls in love with Yang Kang at first sight. However, she is not the smartest woman in this story and is too easily fooled by the lies of Yang Kang. It is because she is kind-hearted that she believes that Yang Kang will one day change. The happiest day in her life is when she marries Yang Kang. In the end however, her attempts to change Yang Kang are fruitless.

Mu Nianci has the same traits as Yang Kang’s mother, Bao Xiruo (MINGLI). Both are kind hearted and easily fooled by evil men. Her traits makes her a perfect match for Yang Kang. Yang Kang is smart and selfish and Mu Nianci is dumb and unselfish. She would rather have an average husband, live in an ordinary home, rather than marrying a Jin Prince and live in the palace. (This part is completely ROFLMAO!)

Story:

Their love story began when Mu Nianci was having a tournament to find a husband. When Yang Kang participated she was only too happy to accept the challenge. However, after winning the competition, instead of marrying her, he kept her shoe that he took during battle as a trophy, insulted her and left. This caused Mu Nianci to be heart-broken.

Days gone by after the little incident, and Yang Kang realized how much he missed seeing Mu Nianci and how much her beauty had captivated him. Times and again he looked at her shoe, which he had always kept with him since he took it, while mesmerizing about her. He then realized that he really did like Mu Nianci, and decided to win her back.

However, Mu Nianci didn’t need to be won back, for her heart had already been won by him since the beginning. Her only request of Yang Kang was that he left the Jin Empire to fight for the Song Empire, and to leave all wealth and luxury of Jin to be a common Han and live happily ever after with her. Yang Kang was torn between the woman he loved and the comfort of wealth and luxury. He wanted to have both.

When his foster father, the Jin King Wanyan Honglie (LESTER), found out about Mu Nianci, he had ordered his men to secretly kill her. This was found out by Yang Kang, who prompted to threaten his father that he would kill himself if Mu Nianci was hurt. He did not want any other princesses or noblewomen that his father offered… he only wanted Mu Nianci, who was reluctant if he was still in the Jin Empire.

Not once, but more than many times Yang Kang lied to Mu Nianci that he was willing to throw his title away, just to keep her by his side. And all those times, Mu Nianci fell for it, and each time got her heart broken.

Mu Nianci decided that she’d had enough and left Yang Kang one day. Fate must have brought them back together when Yang Kang was poisoned by the Mongolians and collapsed at Mu Nianci’s house. However strong her will to leave Yang Kang, she still couldn’t bear to see him suffer, so she sucked out his poison into her own body and was ready to die so that he might live. Fortunately, Guo Jing brought the antidote just in time to prevent Mu Nianci from killing herself.

Yang Kang, who was awaken to find Mu Nianci gone, prompted to look for her, wanting to be with her and touched that she had sacrificed herself for him. However, Guo Jing came back bearing a message from Mu Nianci. He said that should Yang Kang decided to leave his title and all wealth and luxury behind, then he could go and look for her. Otherwise, he was told to just forget her.

Yang Kang was contemplating about this a lot, and just when he decided that he loved Mu Nianci and went to see her, he saw his father and his army looking for him, and without thinking twice, he ran to his father, instead of the other direction to where Mu Nianci was. Meanwhile, Mu Nianci was waiting for him in a little pavillion. She waited patiently until she realized its futility and dropped a tear. Again, her heart was broken.

After Yang Kang was saved by Mu Nianci, his days at the palace though full of luxury and wealth, was missing something. So day by day he ordered his men to search for Mu Nianci, and each time his men returned bearing nothing, he’d always retreated in desperation.

Fate, however, was in their favor again as Mu Nianci and Yang Kang was again brought together when Mu Nianci encountered Mei Chaofeng (YVONNE), Yang Kang’s teacher, who after hearing the entire story, decided to put the two couple together. After much persuasions from both Mei Chaofeng and Yang Kang, and after Mu Nianci realized the futility of refusing and how much she loved him, she finally accepted his marriage proposal. No sooner than that, they got married; witnessed by Mei Chaofeng.

A day into their marriage however, Yang Kang left her to do an important mission for Wanyan Honglie, and left Mu Nianci saddened. When he returned a couple of days later and begged Mu Nianci to follow him, she reluctantly agreed only after he promised he would stop his evildoings and give up his title. Once again, she believed him.

Yang Kang showed his love when he stabbed his close friend Ouyang Ke (KAREN) for trying to rape Mu Nianci. (ROFLMAO! Karen raping Grace!) He was forgetting that he was the son of the powerful Ouyang Feng and momentarily enraged when he stabbed him. Even though this would cause much trouble from Ouyang Feng, Yang Kang was not afraid of defending Mu Nianci.

When Mu Nianci found out about Yang Kang plan to kill Guo Jing and Huang Rong, she couldn’t take it anymore and was very angry at him. She finally left him when she’d had enough. This caused Yang Kang to be miserable and alone, but then he was free to do whatever he want without having to be careful that Mu Nianci would know.

Out of his own ruthlessness, Yang Kang finally reached his final hours. He was dying at the old temple when he told Guo Jing that he wanted to see Mu Nianci once more before he left. Out of pity, Guo Jing persuaded Mu Nianci to come see him for one last goodbye. Alas, Mu Nianci was still very much in love with Yang Kang, and immediately hurried to see him. She was angered once again when Yang Kang put up an act that he was very healthy and not dying. He only said he was dying so that she would come.

When Mu Nianci ran out, angry at his lies, she realized that he really was fatally injured. So she immediately ran back in to see that he had collapsed. She was crying then and scolded Yang Kang because on his dying day he could still tell a lie to her. When she knew he couldn’t survive, she sang him a song, whilst the both of them mesmerized about the times they shared together. The hardships, the happy times, the sad times… and only then Yang Kang was regretful of all his actions. He apologized to Mu Nianci for having lied to her so many times, and he wished that he could fulfil her wishes to live as commoners side by side with a child in Mu Nianci’s arm, while he attends to the crops. They would live in a small cottage in the country away from the world…

As she finished her song, Yang Kang breathed his last breath and closed his eyes forever. Mu Nianci was already pregnant with Yang Kang’s son when he left her. Without support, Mu Nianci died when her son Yang Guo was 11. Her only fault was not telling Yang Guo what his father was like. Luckily Yang Guo posses the best traits of these two, smart and unselfish, and worked out in the end that Guo Jing and Huang Rong did not kill his father.

Picture from the 1st-film ever made on Condor Heroes - Yang Kang and Mu Nianci (1983)



金庸crew Modern Day 念慈? (2008)



Stunning! =X

Cheers

...

What if you realized that someone is not entirely truthful?

What would you do?

I utterly despise the abject pilferer, whose archetype personality could only pitifully render surreptitious activities in areas where the sun don't shine. This simpleton unconsciously leads a servile life, probably plotting some childlike strategy to captialize on opportunities behind the scene, like how a wretched beggar would anxiously race after a pack of half-eaten stew, savaged by wild dogs a minute ago and thrown away by the owners a minute after. I could imagine how the scene would appear - an abandoned mongrel salivating and chasing frantically at the new-found meal. Such inferior complex are amazing and the action are downright ignominious because it's certainly beneath and beyond my individual conduct to engage even a fraction of its original intent.

In all classic occasions, I won't even fucking stir in my seat or even attempt to wriggle my hands to wave the annoying fly away, which perpetually stick around like a vexatious prick because such irritable nonsense generally perish and cease to exist before it requires any formal intervention.

What shocked me greatly is that I have found out that there are endorsement given to pricks to be legitimate pricks. Hence it explains the longevity of such absurdity when I was subconsciously given the illusionary confidence that all is well.

I recalled in robust details about the time where such rueful endorsement were approved tacitly in the distant past. It was awfully choking - so intense that it left an excessive acrimonious after-taste emotionally. In mere thoughts alone, the experience almost seemed surreal and vicarious, but impact were hardly virtual.

The pain bleeds so badly that I never knew how I recovered. I was never conscious about the healing process - perhaps it might not even occur, since after all, I am an undead.

I fucking hate deception, as much as I hate things that are going around me with the gamble that I am unaware of anything, just because there seemed to be an ongoing liberty to do absolutely anything without the need to justify emotional logic. Then, I hate the over-compensation which follows shortly, because it simply hardly feels geniune.

I hate fuckers who tries means and ways to scheme in the dark, lurking in corners and shadows, like crooks ready to mug you.

But these are pale in comparison - as compared to the astronomical unappreciation and seemingly living a second-class citizen in your own kingdom.

SO TELL ME WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CLING ONTO PRINCIPLES YOU HAVE KEPT SO CLOSE TO YOUR HEART WHEN PEOPLE CONTINOUSLY TRASHED THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND RENDER YOU AND THE PRINCIPLES SEEMINGLY OBSOLETE? YOU PEN IT DOWN YOURSELF 11 YEARS AGO - THAT NOBODY PLAYS BY RULE AND THAT THE END IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MEANS.

I recalled the times when evil tainted me and with sheer willpower, I pulled back as I literally resist against all odds to evolve into that direction.

Now thinking back... what's all that compunction for?

Seriously Mark, just fuck it before it fuck you.

逃学威龙

New term.

And for the next couple of weeks, I will embark on some lame program called e-learning-cum-peer-learning - which means I had to go post in school forum at least 3 posts a week.

Post in forum? ROFLMAO!

I am so going to score for this.

#5 Everywhere Series (100109)

Grace X CloUdiSm

The ludicity state of love is an oxymoron.
It surface paradoxes and instill chaos.
Hence people in love are a bunch of complicated beings.
When they were once simple.
Would we be able to return back in time?
To unlove a love?
From the desire to return to a faraway home
To be simple folks.

- Yunhaier

Aunt Agony 090109

Originally posted by helpless:(:

I have known this guy for 3 weeks. He told me that it was love at first sight. He loves me a lot and we went out for 2 weeks,msned and smsed each other before he confessed his feelings. But all along,i have only treated him like a friend.

All my friends urged me to go into a relationship with him because he really unique from other guys and he loves me a lot. So i went ahead. He told me that he loves me..but i cant bring myself to say it..it is my first relationship,but im a bit apprehensive that it is lust and not love..because i dont believe that one can fall in love in 2 weeks..but ive already made clear to him that i wont have premarital sex.

i think i'm wary of him, thats why i cant really trust him entirely..i want to give myself a chance to fall in love with him..but how do i do it? what should i do? he is a good guy..i think the problem lies with me:(


You are right in saying that the problem lies with you, but the problem is probably not what you think it is. From your post, this guy has not demonstrate to have done anything suggestive to be condemn as lustful - I think you are getting your thoughts all wrong, confused and chaotic.

Your relationship is blatantly a product of social forces; the 'urging' from your surrounding friends probably holds more weight than the paramount internal factors that should be doing the pulling instead. As much as friends have all the 'good intention'; equally likely are the fact that they might just want to catch a 'good show' created out of someone's life and their action/s being credited for 'being part of the production.'

If you need your friends to play judge in your love life, then I seriously suggest you pick a more suitable candidate to take on this role. If your friends reckoned that a two weeks passion is enough to determine the route to a decent relationship, then they must be guilty of the intention above or simply out of their mind. Astrologically speaking, these are Uranus-influenced passion - comes hastily as it goes. And there are good reasons why these phenomenon exist.

A chance to fall in love with him?

You kinda reverse the system, isn't it? You enter into a relationship, after which, you try to fall in love with him?

Paradox.

If you are feeling uncomfortable over this entire ordeal, I suggest you reconsider your choice soon before you start hurting someone badly. If you have to think about loving someone, rather than spontaneously love someone, I think this is a big problem.

The problem has nothing to do with lust or love; the problem is that you don't even know what you are into this relationship for.

Cheers

#4 MM vs Bao (070109)

An SMS

I was furiously doing my work - so much stuff accumulating and I can never seemed to clear finish.

In midst of it - an SMS came and it just put a smile on my face.

'Busy Day... see you later baby'

Dear was equally busy - but I thought such quick thought was lovely.



Allow me to shoulder you in love, in life and in faith into infinite.

#3 MM Vs MM - Part I

To be continued...

#2 MM Take on AA271208

Aunt Agony 271208

Originally posted by Joi_lin:

Recently, I feel sad when people questioned me about single status. Asking me why I am single and when I will get married.

Just not too long ago, I bumped into an old neighbour.She is as old as me and to my surprise, she is already a mother of 3 kids. I felt so ashamed of myself.So what I am more educated than her ? So what I am slimmer than her?

Whenever there are match making subject in the news, I will cringe. Some relatives even joke to sign me up. My parents always drop big hint that so and so 's daughter got married already. I feel upset and I am hitting 30 soon. It seems like a deadline for women.

Furthermore, people do not understand why I do not have a boyfriend. I also do not understand why they do not understand.

I really do not want to end up desperate one day.



As much as we all believe that Love must indeed come naturally, our 'Self' component must provide the fertile ground for such natural occurrence to manifest into reality. This 'Self' component, namely our personality and what steps we take to render ourselves more socially desirable, not merely in the physical sense, but also as a person emotionally, psychologically and spiritually positive.

The theory of probability is self explanatory: if you want to find someone suitable, you got to get out of your house and start meeting people. When your social network improves, the chance for you to find someone suitable gets better, as compared to solitary activities that could only drive some meager mileage for you in aspects of Love.

If you reckon that certain channels are not suitable, it's perfectly ok. Learn to develop interest and expand your social network through the interest you invest yourself with. Also, do not adopt self-defeating mindset because it's very much a vicious cycle - as much as you are pressured socially to be attached, this beget from a negative source: namely pressure. Hence, your attitude towards knowing someone is always about accessing someone if he/she is suitable for you. Then if things isn't what you reckon it to be, you get dejected, you become more withdrawn and whole cycle repeats itself

Here's a truth: the more negative a person is, the more likely he/she will attract negative mate.

Your fear produces the negative aura - hence, your disappointment in men that you met online are merely corroboration of reality - through the synergy of both your thoughts and feelings - manifest as latent effect.

As much as my discipline in my astrology has taught me, I disagree with the fact that some people are destined to be alone. The challenge is not merely to analysis a person and telling them about how doom they are, but the task is to empower one to take corrective steps to overcome their issues. And to change situations, one must have that self awareness to understand the root of problem and for cases like yours, I can tell you, it's very much due to the inability to recognize our own inadequacy and learning to get out of our comfort zone after recognition.

Some people decides that Love will come naturally, say, after school days. But I can tell you from a sociological perspective, with the elimination of a socializing agent, such as a school compound, your social circle should get smaller unless steps are taken to ensure that it doesn't. And again with the law of probability, your chances, naturally, get worst because, like you have found out, people are either attached/married or their psychographic is entirely off the chart.

I say, invest more time in yourself and simultaneously develop your social circle. And learn to eliminate guilt from your heart - not being attached does NOT suggest that something is wrong with you. It simply means that you have to develop yourself more in a wholesome sense, so that the attraction can take place when you have work on that 'Self' component.

Cheers

#1 MM First Speech - 271208

Original Fake x Visvim Logan Low

So cute!!!!! =D

Aunt Agony 171208

Originally posted by woahaha:

i got a serious topic here...and i need comments, and suggestions >.<

so i was with this guy for 2.5 years when we broke up. we quarreled a lot then and after one major quarrel, we eventually broke up. it was an unpleasant break up and we didnt remain in contact after that at all.

10 months after we broke up, he contacted me again. we talked for awhile and eventually patched after realising that we were still very much in love with each other.

although it seemed awkward at the beginning, we soon got over it. during this period of time, i would say that it was the happiest period of my life. it seemed to me that both of us have grown up and handle things more maturely now. i would say we have become more understanding towards each other's feelings. this was one problem we used to have in the past.

we lasted for another 5 months together without any major quarrels. we were like any other happy couple out there, i was happy, i knew he was too. he once mentioned that he feels we are very stable now and i thought so too, until he left me again.

the thing is, he usually doesnt tell me what he is not happy with me. and out of the blue, he mentioned a break up telling me that he "cannot stand a lot of stuffs".

all i know is that it is accumulated anger all let out at once.

what irks me a lot is, that i dont even know whats the reason why we broke up.

why cant he tell me what is it that he is not happy with? why does he tell his friend but not me?

why does he like to accumulate anger in him and not tell me about it and choose to left it unsolved by leaving me at the end?

we met up today, and i tried to talk to him. he seems to still be angry over some hurtful stuffs i said last week (even though i said sorry) and was still persistent with his decision of a break up. he was rushing off to somewhere else so i didnt really have the chance to persuade him any further.

should i wait for a while before i talk to him again?

or should i just move on without this guy in my life?



Often, people conclude that the reason to patch is because 'they still love each other', but the conundrum is actually having to differentiate habitual reasoning against that of love. And I can tell you that the feeling derived from the latter can be equally formidable. Unless one possesses incredibly heightened self awareness, we are likely to be suck into a previous misery with excuses provided as above.

Your man displayed periodically disruptive burst-fire in his relationship - suggesting strong Uranus influence. Also, his behavioral stance towards his relationship reeked streaks of avoidance-styled personality and this creates a fertile ground to breed enmity and contention because the day when he finds you is the day of judgement.

For Love, like dough, needs to remake and remodel constantly, to settle into a good shape - a relationship devoid of proper communication stays static and is vulnerable to destruction because it lose the elasticity to survive.

Your man is probably subjected, typically, to the belief that 'you ought to know what is wrong, yet you don't work towards changing it'. This is probably a classic narcissistic perception that exist only in the psychological framework of the individual and this have ruined even the best of relationships.

It's almost like you walking around with your friends, doing some xmas shopping, while you are about to perish (literally) from hunger. Even as you look listless and weary, they continued their journey. Eventually, you suffered this acute gastric pain and blew up, blaming them for causing you this plight.

So does the fault lies with the person or his/her friends?

Neither.

Because the root of problem is about non-communication.

Your man probably has another set of problem - his inability to communicate kinda fueled his tendency to resort to initiating breakup to ease his emotional tension. He might probably regret and comes back (however sincere) to sell you the 'belief' stated in my first paragraph. But seriously, that's not the point because the cyclical routine of such meaningless 'break-patch' pattern will shrink and become shorter to achieve one full circle, with every break-up experience.

Life is finite - seriously, you don't have to stop your pace completely just because you reckon that you might want to give him another chance. It is possible to saunter forward, while deciding if you were to place another blind bet on leading a paranoid relationship that could, any time, transformed itself into a sudden episode of departure, without adequate reasoning. If you could still afford to weather such possible cataclysm, then he definitely still has a fighting chance in your heart.

P.S: Love is very much 51% decision and 49% superfluous factors.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 071208

Originally posted by annoy-you-must:

I first met, and fell attracted to her 5 years ago, when I was in secondary two.

We were just schoolmates. We know each other, but never actually talked. Nevertheless, her features and personality strike me as really attractive.

However, as another self-pitying boy with inferior complex and no guts to speak of at that time, I did not approach her, get to be her friend and know her better.

(I dared to share my feelings with few people in fear that the wrong words may spread around in school. So I wrote down my feelings on various online forums, including sgforums. What some people told me was that I was too young to know what love is, that it's just puppy love and I'll forget her soon. That I should concentrate on my studies

I've not forgotten her. And I did reasonably well for my studies despite thinking of her.)

And so, I tormented myself emotionally and mentally for two years before both of us graduated from secondary school. She went to poly and got a boyfriend soon afterwards. I went to JC.

All these whiles, I've not met a single girl who is able to invoke the same feelings within me. I was not attracted to anyone else as much as I was attracted to her. She was the only one, and she did not even do anything.

Since I don't really know her, she is probably not what I thought of her to be in the first place. But I can't stop thinking about her anyway.

Even though we became total strangers, even though it's even more impossible now, I still think of her from time to time. Not as much as I was as an emo kid in secondary school of course. But I still think of her and wonder how she is doing, if she is happy, and if the present would be different had I had the courage back then to even take the first step approach her.

A few months back, I ceased being friends with her on Friendster. I don't know if she deleted me or it's a problem with Friendster. I know Friendster recently had some problem with some account's friends, some people's friends count dropped drastically.

But that problem is now solved. Most account's friends count are back to normal. And I'm still not friend with her and can't view her friendster profile. How can I help but not wonder anything?

You may think I'm pervertic, a coward or just plain childish. I'm actually stalking someone on friendster without daring to take real physical action. Perhaps I am. But my social skills is not that good in the first place, how can I possibly approach a total stranger?

It seems like she has broken up with her boyfriend recently. I inferred that. So it kind of made me think of her all over again, and wonder how she is doing now, if she is happy or what.

After saying (or typing) all these, I rekon my obsession sounds pervertic or psychotic.

There's no particular question I want to ask or answers that I want over here. Just felt an urge to spill out my feelings somewhere.




You might think that you love her (since the feelings pretty much withstand a tremendous amount of time), but I am going give you my two cents which might let you consider otherwise.

***

If your feelings, X, fails to initiate an action, then X is mere fantasy. If X exist in fantasy, hence, X exist only in potentiality and not in actuality. Therefore, X cannot be considered as Love for Love must first exist in actuality and must be mutual (人爱者有理，爱人者有勇).

I will give you a simple philosophical analogy:

Suppose we are hungry and we want to abate our hunger, our natural instinct will prompt us to eat. The existence of food (Love) and the act of consumption (Initiation of Love) must occur simultaneously before our hunger pangs will vanish and achieve satisfaction (Relationship). The entities by itself are meaningless unless they conjuct with one another and if we Love without acting, it's akin to having food without consuming - the hunger persist.

We harbor fantasy for all sorts of things, people and dimensions. In fact, we might even lose track of our reality, especially when we abdicate our self awareness over such illusion. It's common for people who indulge in fantasy because we are unwilling to shatter this image by putting dreams into reality. We prefer to give beautiful descriptions about our worship with imaginary and wordings - many times, so perfect and immaculate that we know at the back of our mind if we were engage this extraordinary person in reality, we will gradually be forced to abandon our fantasy because nobody can be as perfect, other than the figure in our mental construct.

The fantasy that we have grown to recognize and feel so intense for has completely supercede even the person per se. This ironic phenomenon is supported by a macabre veil of deep-rooted fear of rejection, overwhelming passiveness and gnawing narcissism.

The signs are blatant: I encode in CloUdiSm as people inflicted with 'Neptune's deranged effect', doing a lot of things that appeared to be significant, but often under anonymous concealment. With proliferation of blogs and social networking sites, it's effortless for such surreptitious behavior in enabling one to be updated with the life of another, without actually having to interact with the person.

Think about it, as much as you have deemed this person to be significant over a vast period of five years, she probably doesn't even know about your existence. You probably belong to the same rank as the stranger who brushed passed our shoulders everyday when we walk across the street - the significance is almost negligible.

The fact that this fantasy persisted because you continuously breathe life into it. Your refusal to discard the 'life machine' supporting this one-sided affair compromise your entire Love life as a whole. As such, it's likely that you have never been in a relationship before (a proper one) and because it's poignant to reckon that we are almost 'a clean sheet' in Love (CloUdiSm termed it as 'The Void' under the 'Law of Clean Sheet'), the fantasy flourished as it merely take the space of the void that nothing is residing currently.

You might think that nobody can invoke the kind of feelings, but I can tell you, a lot of that rationale comes from the fact that you are going around the market, asking for the duplication of your ideal product and as you are so focused to find this ideal product, everything else (which could be possible) are dismissed without adequate understanding. Hence without adequate understanding, it's no wonder the nurture and developmental aspect of Love never manifest in your life.

Your time is better off getting to know new people or enhancing your socializing skills and opportunity to allow you to do just that. That strategy would pay off much better than lurking online and revelling in your narcissistic affection for her.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 061208

Originally posted by Libraguy78:

i was involved with a girl who has a bf for 8 yrs. we were quite intimate for about 2 months ++ she said she loves me alot and feels very hard to breakup with her bf, as her bf is treating her very nice. she finds no reason to break up with him and yet due to family and friend's obligations, she couldn't break up with him. At certain time, she said she really would wanna consider me, but she felt more practical with him.

They are suppose to get married in 1 yr time. I felt really bad and realized this finally after a big battle of myself, and sort of ended this "grey" relationship with her. She was quite sad about it either. For 3 days I resist from talking and communicating with her in anyways but in the end she wrote me a letter. Should I read it? I had already missing her badly but I know I've got to move on. So I am not sure if I should read the letter? My friends adviced me not to read as it will not do me any good during this healing period.

Would like to know if anyone has any comments on what will the contents be? Will it do me more harm to read it? Or should I give each other another chance?



There are times when a relationship running on seemingly endless marathon will find fatigue sinking in and start questioning its very existence. We all need reasons to function, regardless of how absurd the explaination might be.There are a couple of possibilities for the advert of such phenomenon. For some might think that if fate doesn't allow you both to be together, why even allow you two to meet in the first place?

Your sub-rosa relationship is a litmus test for her to examine if this man, she is currently dating, is really the one for her. As much as you have enjoys her physical (which includes sexual affairs, if any) and emotional presence, this episode is but circumstances to understand the competitive landscape. By rational thinking, most people slipped back to their comfort zone because if she has chosen you, it's entirely a leap of faith. Blind faith.

Freedom? Yes. But you are an untested ground.

Furthermore, she also puts herself at risk of being negatively branded socially (disloyalty). This creates a situation where the risk is far too great and the returns are perceived as low. As we grow older, we become more adverse to risk because the fear of falling will overshadow the need to succeed and her situation is as such.

A relationship, at best, is merely an imaginary structure that held itself by substances we coined as Love. However, few relationships are running entirely on this fuel alone. The less concrete the identity of the relationship, the less stable the foundation. In fact, we are into a relationship for variety of reasons and as you have learned, she remains with him because of security - a proven track record. Hence, dating you effectively reinforced the identity of her own relationship and thus, you are unfortunately discarded once her conclusion is finalized.

The farewell letter might symbolize the end of this sub-rosa relationship, but more importantly, it suggested that she has 'graduated from this short course' and you are no longer needed, in any ways, to provide growth. The learning has ended because she has gain enlightenment by taking actions toward a given direction.

P.S: In Love, we have a choice to play between the main cast or the side cast. In your case, you opt for the latter. Perhaps in time to come, you might have the wisdom to begin your role as the former.

Problem doesn't lie with the people we meet, it rest with the choice we make... from the people we meet.

Cheers

Lester Birthday

I bet you gonna hate whip cream forever.



SYDC x Jiaqi

Cheers