Aunt Agony 061208

Originally posted by Libraguy78:

i was involved with a girl who has a bf for 8 yrs. we were quite intimate for about 2 months ++ she said she loves me alot and feels very hard to breakup with her bf, as her bf is treating her very nice. she finds no reason to break up with him and yet due to family and friend's obligations, she couldn't break up with him. At certain time, she said she really would wanna consider me, but she felt more practical with him.

They are suppose to get married in 1 yr time. I felt really bad and realized this finally after a big battle of myself, and sort of ended this "grey" relationship with her. She was quite sad about it either. For 3 days I resist from talking and communicating with her in anyways but in the end she wrote me a letter. Should I read it? I had already missing her badly but I know I've got to move on. So I am not sure if I should read the letter? My friends adviced me not to read as it will not do me any good during this healing period.

Would like to know if anyone has any comments on what will the contents be? Will it do me more harm to read it? Or should I give each other another chance?



There are times when a relationship running on seemingly endless marathon will find fatigue sinking in and start questioning its very existence. We all need reasons to function, regardless of how absurd the explaination might be.There are a couple of possibilities for the advert of such phenomenon. For some might think that if fate doesn't allow you both to be together, why even allow you two to meet in the first place?

Your sub-rosa relationship is a litmus test for her to examine if this man, she is currently dating, is really the one for her. As much as you have enjoys her physical (which includes sexual affairs, if any) and emotional presence, this episode is but circumstances to understand the competitive landscape. By rational thinking, most people slipped back to their comfort zone because if she has chosen you, it's entirely a leap of faith. Blind faith.

Freedom? Yes. But you are an untested ground.

Furthermore, she also puts herself at risk of being negatively branded socially (disloyalty). This creates a situation where the risk is far too great and the returns are perceived as low. As we grow older, we become more adverse to risk because the fear of falling will overshadow the need to succeed and her situation is as such.

A relationship, at best, is merely an imaginary structure that held itself by substances we coined as Love. However, few relationships are running entirely on this fuel alone. The less concrete the identity of the relationship, the less stable the foundation. In fact, we are into a relationship for variety of reasons and as you have learned, she remains with him because of security - a proven track record. Hence, dating you effectively reinforced the identity of her own relationship and thus, you are unfortunately discarded once her conclusion is finalized.

The farewell letter might symbolize the end of this sub-rosa relationship, but more importantly, it suggested that she has 'graduated from this short course' and you are no longer needed, in any ways, to provide growth. The learning has ended because she has gain enlightenment by taking actions toward a given direction.

P.S: In Love, we have a choice to play between the main cast or the side cast. In your case, you opt for the latter. Perhaps in time to come, you might have the wisdom to begin your role as the former.

Problem doesn't lie with the people we meet, it rest with the choice we make... from the people we meet.

Cheers