Aunt Agony 030309

Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Hi all,

I have been lurking these forums and now just gathered the courage to post. I am 37, and was married to a wonderful woman for nearly 7 years. We are now separated for about 5 months. She is living with a man now, and refusing to see me or even talk about getting back together. Long story short, I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman for about 4 months, and when then I realize how dumb I had been, my wife already moved out.

Initally, I thought I could get her back, but as times goes, I see how she had made up her mind, she won't even see me anymore. On top of that, all her friends and family are ignoring me, and rightly so. I tried calling her, texting her, e-mailing her but that just annoyed her more. So I followed my sister's advice and leave her alone for now. But I am afraid that with time, she may drift further and further away and the possibility (no matter how remote) of us getting back together is getting slimmer.

She is the love of my life, and my first love, we had been together as BF/GF for nearly 20 years, and she had been nothing but an angel in my life, but I was so insecure and immature, I went and forsake her love...

Now that I am "sober" about life and my mistakes, I am a better person, I want to make it up to her and "return" her love. The guy she is living with now, I don't think she loves him, I just think she wants some sort of stability and someone that is a contrast to me. I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...

I know many people will say, if I love her, let her go, and move on. But 20 years of her sacrifice and now that I am a better person, I want us, to get back together and truly begin our life and love together. It is worth fighting for, and I would like to fight for her, before "moving on and giving up".

I have drafted many e-mailes to her but have not send them. Should I send them? Or should I leave her alone for now...

Any encouragements, suggestions, welcomed.



Beggars can't be choosers. You might have deemed that you have learned your mistake, but the price of enlightenment comes with a certain cost. Yours is probably at the expense of your marriage.

People do make mistake - the only shit difference is that when the mistake is made repeatedly and the only logical conclusion is that the person is irrevocably damned and unchangeable. Then what sort of redemption do you seek and how would you expect people to believe you?

What are the odds?

You are fighting against an entire army of her support network advocating against you and your intention to get back. Your only bargaining chip (pretty much delusional) is that you feel she still has feeling for you. I must say that you are narcissistic to think along that direction, because feelings like life, do experience death in a permanent manner.

Unfortunately, although you might be enlightened, but this realization is but a product of comparison - that your wife is good because those women whom you have cheated her with, did not meet up to eventual expectations, and NOT because she is indeed good. Your realization is but a light-ray reflection off a glass piece; not that you are not seeing the glorious shine from the sun itself.

So what if you lengthened the years of your union to make it seem as if this relationship was meant to be? The collapse of financial giants in recent news is a blatant statement of the past is not always a good indication of the future. And such ignorance, alone, can serve as the catalysis to ruin anything in life - hence your 20 years are nothing but figures that makes no significant meaning because your decimate your own relationship with bare hands willingly.

Now that you need her and she doesn't need you - does that scenario mirror the exact same emotional turmoil that she had went through previously, while you cheated and even cohabit with another woman for four months?

The cycle of cause and effect is rigid and strict.

You need to evolve yourself. Talk is way too cheap in your case.

Cheers