Aunt Agony 280209

Originally posted by Jerry1:
Got this news from my gf and it totally broke me down. I have not been sleeping from yesterday till now thinking and thinking.

Have been together with my gf for around 4 months and she has a bad past and she was really truthful about it. Told me basically everything about her past and why she divorced.

To recap a little bit on her background she was actually in a bad marriage with her ex husband for 2 yrs plus due to her ex husband behaviour, basically ignoring her and neglects her. And then she falls in love with an ex colleague which sweet talks her and show her concerns. She also had sex with that cheater colleague due to her love for him.

But it turned out that the guy is actually a cheat and she broke off with him. She also told me another colleague also went after her and he was the relative of the first cheater colleague because they are working in a family owned business. She dun likes him initially but she tried and eventually that guy shows her that he is very sincere and she also falls in love with him. (she actually wanted to use this guy to divert attention so that she can manage to forget that cheater colleague)

But she told me that her last sexual encounter was with that cheater colleague and she has no intimate relationships with this guy initially when we started this relationship. On and off we did discuss about all these stuff and she says that she did not had and sex with this particular guy.

Yesterday she told me that she does not want to hide from me anymore and she did have sex with the second guy (still let him shoot inside). I think she really got poor thinking that nowadays HIV, STDs are so common.

And she lied to me initially because she do not want me to leave her thinking that she is a loose women. (intimate relationships with 2 guys that are actually relatives) She was thinking of telling me the truth but she knows that she is taking a chance of whether I will accept or leave her. But she knows that I will probably leave her after knowing the truth. She was thinking of when to break out the news to me and was planning to do it after valentine day because she really wanna spend that day with her love one and she do not have a good valentine day for many years liao. She actually says that she is guilty of hiding the truth from me initially fearing of me leaving her. But decided to come clean with it because she loves me and do not wan to hide anything from me.

After her telling me the truth, my heart actually went scattered and I was in a complete loss because I really put in my heart and soul into this relationship. She says that it is ok if I wanna leave her because it was her fault and she still loves me (she loves me and dun mind me leaving because she wants me to be happy). She also told me that her feelings for me is completely real and she did love me with all her heart. She did asked me whether I mind her complicated past but I could not answer because it was too sudden for me. A person that I love so much actually lied to me for 4 months, Although she is very truthful on all her past things except this. Now my heart is feeling very sour and I dun know wat to do, if I leave her I will be very very sad and if I stay. The shadow is always there.



The problem with people is that they want to investigate their partner's history, yet their love and maturity are not magnanimous enough accept the outcome.

It's only human if people are very sensitive to 'certain scenario' (open to variety of interpretations), but having that self awareness to understand that since our hearts are not exactly very big to begin with, to pursue relentlessly about people's past is like slapping yourself around a bit with a large trout, while trying to maintain your smile. The question is why then allowed yourself to be confused with all that past when the main fringing thing is to look forward into the future?

That shadow you are talking about is nothing but an illusion of what you perceived as an 'inferior product'. At that very moment when you won the heart of your prized woman, that feeling is akin to a child receiving a present. I am sure that euphoria lasted quite a while.

However, when she poured the truth to you, it's akin to the child opening the present, only to find a broken toy train.

You start questioning yourself like how the child would ask: "how come my present so lousy one?"

But unlike the child receiving the present - can love be inferior?

Or is it because our perception has weaved such a formidable spell, so strong that we began to believe it, even we used to think otherwise?

People talk about love all the time - some even swear by God (you even used words like 'heart and soul...'). But when the real situation arise from nowhere and begin to probe the core fundamentals of your individual definition of this love - the entire structure of that 'cheap-talk' just crumble like a pile of cards, without even the need to say 'lets break-up'.

The relationship just got blown off - like how the little pigs who built their house with straws. Think before you decide to equate your love as prefect, wholesome or 'heart and soul' because they are probably just made of straws - easily shattered by her poignant past.

If you are unable to accept her history, then you might want to consider an exit because you CANNOT change your past. Acceptance is your only bridge to her foolish past. If you decide to love, then you have to walk the talk and learn to build a house of bricks.

Cheers