Aunt Agony 171208

Originally posted by woahaha:

i got a serious topic here...and i need comments, and suggestions >.<

so i was with this guy for 2.5 years when we broke up. we quarreled a lot then and after one major quarrel, we eventually broke up. it was an unpleasant break up and we didnt remain in contact after that at all.

10 months after we broke up, he contacted me again. we talked for awhile and eventually patched after realising that we were still very much in love with each other.

although it seemed awkward at the beginning, we soon got over it. during this period of time, i would say that it was the happiest period of my life. it seemed to me that both of us have grown up and handle things more maturely now. i would say we have become more understanding towards each other's feelings. this was one problem we used to have in the past.

we lasted for another 5 months together without any major quarrels. we were like any other happy couple out there, i was happy, i knew he was too. he once mentioned that he feels we are very stable now and i thought so too, until he left me again.

the thing is, he usually doesnt tell me what he is not happy with me. and out of the blue, he mentioned a break up telling me that he "cannot stand a lot of stuffs".

all i know is that it is accumulated anger all let out at once.

what irks me a lot is, that i dont even know whats the reason why we broke up.

why cant he tell me what is it that he is not happy with? why does he tell his friend but not me?

why does he like to accumulate anger in him and not tell me about it and choose to left it unsolved by leaving me at the end?

we met up today, and i tried to talk to him. he seems to still be angry over some hurtful stuffs i said last week (even though i said sorry) and was still persistent with his decision of a break up. he was rushing off to somewhere else so i didnt really have the chance to persuade him any further.

should i wait for a while before i talk to him again?

or should i just move on without this guy in my life?



Often, people conclude that the reason to patch is because 'they still love each other', but the conundrum is actually having to differentiate habitual reasoning against that of love. And I can tell you that the feeling derived from the latter can be equally formidable. Unless one possesses incredibly heightened self awareness, we are likely to be suck into a previous misery with excuses provided as above.

Your man displayed periodically disruptive burst-fire in his relationship - suggesting strong Uranus influence. Also, his behavioral stance towards his relationship reeked streaks of avoidance-styled personality and this creates a fertile ground to breed enmity and contention because the day when he finds you is the day of judgement.

For Love, like dough, needs to remake and remodel constantly, to settle into a good shape - a relationship devoid of proper communication stays static and is vulnerable to destruction because it lose the elasticity to survive.

Your man is probably subjected, typically, to the belief that 'you ought to know what is wrong, yet you don't work towards changing it'. This is probably a classic narcissistic perception that exist only in the psychological framework of the individual and this have ruined even the best of relationships.

It's almost like you walking around with your friends, doing some xmas shopping, while you are about to perish (literally) from hunger. Even as you look listless and weary, they continued their journey. Eventually, you suffered this acute gastric pain and blew up, blaming them for causing you this plight.

So does the fault lies with the person or his/her friends?

Neither.

Because the root of problem is about non-communication.

Your man probably has another set of problem - his inability to communicate kinda fueled his tendency to resort to initiating breakup to ease his emotional tension. He might probably regret and comes back (however sincere) to sell you the 'belief' stated in my first paragraph. But seriously, that's not the point because the cyclical routine of such meaningless 'break-patch' pattern will shrink and become shorter to achieve one full circle, with every break-up experience.

Life is finite - seriously, you don't have to stop your pace completely just because you reckon that you might want to give him another chance. It is possible to saunter forward, while deciding if you were to place another blind bet on leading a paranoid relationship that could, any time, transformed itself into a sudden episode of departure, without adequate reasoning. If you could still afford to weather such possible cataclysm, then he definitely still has a fighting chance in your heart.

P.S: Love is very much 51% decision and 49% superfluous factors.

Cheers