Aunt Agony 310707

Originally posted by casshern:
the girl studies in a Uni with double degree scholarship.
the guy is a humble civil servant with only A levels.

it was a very happy relationship, closing in to 5 years.

one day,
she says that both parties come from very different worlds.
she says there's no future for them.
she says they no longer share anything in common.
she says she's losing the passion.
she says she's tired of trying.
she says she feel the heartache whenever she think about their future.


You might think that the chasm in education is the de facto reason contributing to the degeneration of this relationship - eventually you might just realized that any reasons would take on similar conclusion, for as long as the person desire to leave.

Any reason will do.

Your 'happy relationship' is probably one-sided - it might be sparking joy for you to just being around with someone you love, but certainly, it isn't very much the same for her.

It isn't enough and that insufficiency topples the balance.

She might be contented previously, but with desire comes disappointment. I recalled talking to someone who felt afraid of her 'new self' - albeit she began to enjoy financial independence and powers; she realized that her expectation of her mate also grew proportionately.

She felt she is no longer the same as before, being conformed and shaped by societal norms. Perhaps the rudimentary womanly instinct of 'survival' triggers - as the need to 'select' the best possible mate to 'ensure the best possible condition to breed the next generation'.

In introspection, when we try to uncover the common factor/s attributed to the construction of our relationship; when all is crystal-clear in naked eyes of wisdom, we might just realize that time could just be that one solo component, breathing life into an otherwise impossible relationship just because all other elements are conducive enough to elicit a relationship.

What I am trying to say here is that all relationships are created by gift of time, circumstances and situation (whether or not it is karmic). And with the change in time, circumstances and situation - when all components in this equation changes, things might not be the same anymore, even though both of you still looked the same, leading the same relationship.

True love is when your core doesn’t waver, despite all that beguiling distraction that invoke outwardly from all changes in life.

Your woman swayed and got affected by this notion, as this effect plants seed of doubts in your relationship, questioning its original identity and reason of existence. Perhaps that might just be the source of fatigue she is trying to endure - the ubiquitous expectation of what should be a 'perfect/standard relationship'.

Why question it only now? Or is it because what doesn't seem to matter in the past matters right now?

Is it really education? (Or the other side of the story we haven't heard)

Or has Love weakened? (Or the other side of the story we haven't heard)

Sit together and talk it out - you might still be able to do something if this frustration stem from your apathy and passiveness in love and life. But if she has decided that the fire has burned itself out, with the final chance to 'amend anything' forfeited, then you probably need divine intervention.

P.S: All is equal in eyes of love. However, when this paradigm shifts drastically, one usually only obtain companionship, not soul mates. So what if it's five years? The length of relationship often speaks nothing of the love that's truly within.

You might not have to reconsider this relationship - but surely, you must preview your definition of love and see if it's parallel to hers.

Love is about looking at one common direction... not just at each other.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 290707

Originally posted by jojobeach:


Actually, my mom is worried if I lose my virginity , no man would want me.
But, they told my brother to go ahead and screw as many girls as he can.

Do you really believe virginity is sacred meh ?
I still see so many men divorce their wife who were virgins.
So virgin or not , it doesn't mean anything after all what ?




It's a concept.

Even if you must divorce, it must be a 'first-hand'.

Somewhat like buying shoes/heels for ladies. I know of people who refuse to purchase display version just because many people have 'tried' it. Of course even if they are going to abandon it for the next S/S season, it still must be a 'first hand'.

Why?

Because they are the ones having it - the concept of possession.

Cheers



Originally posted by jojobeach:

So men who practice this sacred virgin concept, sees women as mere objects.


No man will readily say that they see woman as mere objects - but when intense feelings are aroused around such notion, their disappointment and misery derive from their subconscious belief of possession, not as in literal meaning, but as in this is their woman and she belongs to him. This itself is the concept of possession for their woman must come 'untainted' and will view her as 'lesser' when she arrive in ' less-than-satisfied' condition.

Why would anyone, when bathed in true essence of love, judge their partner based on the concept of sacred virgin when they should be focusing on the woman herself and what she really is? Of course, when people greatly mind over something so insignificant, his love is reduce to that level of 'possession' - probably no difference between him and ladies shopping for heels.

Perhaps in that sense, it might just be possession - not love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 280707

Originally posted by Normal^Guy:
okok..the story starts like this..there's these two girl, we name it A and B..we have been in the same class for almost 2 years le..and A and B are very very good friends almost like real sis bah..

So during the 1st yr, i admitted tt i do have feelings for A, by the way the 3 of us is really very very good friends..and i guess tt almost my whole course are toking abt Mi and A..SO it's like whenever u see an orange u will tot of where is apple..It's like we are a pair in others ppl eyes le..But the fact is We are nv together before..

So after tt ard 1 year plus le, i was been sent to overseas for some assig..and i also try to make full use of this chance to try to forget A..and the feeling for A is really fading away after tt overseas assig..

So after a period of time..B comes into the pic..one day she admitted tt she have feelings for mi..and frankly speaking i do have feelings for her too..and things starts to goes well..and everything goes well..

But she has rejected mi once and i ask her the reason behide it, and she told mi is bcoz she do not know how to face most of the friends bcoz of the rumours "abt mi and A"..but after which i still can't forget abt B..and we meet out to tok abt this topic and i declare my feelings to her and we are offically together now..

But i dun really know how to break the news to our friends..coz it might be too unacceptable for them..So should mi and B con't our r/s ?? Coz to mi if we con't to be together, i am really afraid tt A and B will turn out not to be as good as last time bcoz of mi..and i really dun wan this to happen..Or in short, B might lost a good friend(A) bcoz of mi..and now i am stuck in this suitation..Help..

Further more is tt A and B will further their study together for another 3 years more..But i really really want to con't this jus-started-r/s with her..How?????Wat should i do?? thx for the time for reading and sorry for my long story..


Sometimes I really wonder if all these deliberate stalling stemmed from being nonchalant or really calculated moves made by people. And also, I wonder why is there a need for such histrionic attempt to build a plot around a possibility?

FI has kinda sum up everything in her own words; why are you even worrying over a problem that has not yet materialise? It's good to keep that in view, but not to the extend of fretting over it as if you are truly facing that crisis now.

I think the most injustice you could ever do to your relationship is to lie low as if it's criminally abominable to engage in your chosen love - it goes to any relationship that cannot keep it's presence glorious. In fact, when you do something like these, you are effectively conveying to people that there's something terribly unglamorous or even fishy, and this aura might actually be the reason that A turns away from you two. Previously, you three were good friends and now that you and B becomes an item, you close up your world and 'keep secrets' among yourselves?

Now tell me, who's really pushing people away?

Do you seriously think that you could keep this from her forever by doing what you are doing now? That's utter naive.

Why bother so much about people's comment? I can tell you that most of the time, it's probably just part of a typical conversation. Probably you are the one adding more meat to this 'bone'.

Why live your love according to people's expectation?

If there's something you need to learn out from this: learn to be true to yourself. That will save you the misery of pretence.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 220707

Originally posted by haywir:
Hi.. Will appreciate forumers' comments.. I am 25 yrs, attach with my girlfriend for 2 yrs.. Recently, i got involve with a 20yrs lady.. She is a student.. Lets call her AA.. The lust and excitement got AA and me involve in a relationship.. We meet, hv sex, chat, etc.. She is very open-minded to our "relationship".. Both of us accepted the non-committment aspect of our "relationship".. However, I am the one who is terribly troubled now.. I have gradually become emotionally attach to her.. I do not feel good abt her mentioning her guy frds, the dates she had, etc.. Remember, it was me who does not want emotional attachment in the very beginning, and I am the one falling into it now.. AA is handling our relatinoship much better than me.. I know I will never have the heart to break off with my gf for AA.. Yet, this "feelings of the heart" with AA is making me haywire.. Guess it is indeed true with the advice of, "never get involve with having a mistress".. I thanks you in advance for any serious comments and advices...


The sad plight you have landed yourself into is probably because there's an aperture in your relationship. Perhaps you reckon your relationship is unfulfilling or that your relationship is too calm for its own good and subconsciously, you 'summon' waves to jazz up your love life.

You may think that sounded illogical, but people does that sort of things all the time.

It's because our experience in love is never stagnant. In fact, we face challenges every moment of our life.

You may think that this woman represents non-committed/somewhat free sexual relationship (AOS will likely attribute her as a Siren), but the truth is that her presence presents a cosmic test, which you failed utterly - judged by the strength of your love towards your girlfriend and the relationship. The flesh may be weak, but surely the flesh is the lowest level of all our higher senses. If the mind, heart and soul can be easily dominated by our animalistic instinct (Mars), which is the lowest level in our human consciousness 'chain of command', then the path you walk will surely lead to misery and sorrow.

To understand the driving force behind your decision to betray your girlfriend, you got to first understand whether was it a push or a pull factor. The former represents a fissure in the relationship, while employing an avoidance-defensive mechanism in respond to this crack and the latter represents flaccid self principles devoid of wisdom.

Eventually, you may just decide that your 'mistress' is the woman you are seeking all these while. But as you reach for her heart and find nothing but illusions, it may just dawn on you that you are just become a pawn of own karmic debts.

I pity your woman, not because you are a man who went astray, but rather, you betrayed her in both levels - physically and emotionally. A woman might be able to source some remote reason/s to salvage a relationship if a man loses one aspect among the two, but certainly not both - because it makes no meaning to retain a man who desire to flee and a man like you supply her no reason to stay.

Perhaps you might want to rethink your situation; albeit holding onto your girlfriend may be the best of both world for you, but such selfish grasp onto her may end up tearing your guilt wounds wider.

I can safety say that chances are, you won't be able to convert that Siren to settle for you exclusively. Your contract with her never had that clause and you are probably just like the many other guys she had sexual fling with. Therefore, what makes you think that just because she got into bed with you, it implies that you have power over her?

P.S: Man are often lost when the tables are turned against them, as they become the prey, completely subdued a woman with voracious sexual appetite.

Cheers

Lunch @ Waraku

Cancer's Birthday @ Waraku. Woohoo!

Aunt Agony III 210707 (Continued from AA II 210707)

Originally posted by galfriend:

Yes, he knows about my stress and frustration at work and of cos the long hours too. but i rarely 'whine' about them, ie i rarely repeat my stories or my problems. i told him cos i think there is a need to communicate, to let him understand me as a whole, but i try not to let it affect our relationship, by not whining about them.

it came as a wonder, that he seems to be like so unaware of that, and kind of surprised him when i told him off that night. he keep repeatly asking me, 'is work your problem'. and i keep repeating yes. then he asked, 'is work your only problem', and i keep repeating yes.

or maybe is it me? that i rarely complain and whine, hence he underestimated the amount of stress i am facing? but i really do not believe in persistent complaining and whining, for it kills most relationship.

btw, he is a capricorn



This is what you get when you put two complete strangers together in something we call relationship, with love as the element to keep you two in unison: differences.

And in the end, it's about discovering more of yourself, as much as your other half.

You must understand that your belief is exclusive only to you, vice versa. To change a belief/personality/character might be just a little difficult, thus the easier option is always to compromise on something that is workable in your relationship to keep it functioning.

It's not so much about the work, the stress or everything else that got implicated into your relationship - it's about knowing that despite the individual differences, how is it that you are going to live harmoniously with him while understanding that you two are but separate being.

Find a good time and communicate to him about your thoughts (not problems) about this issue and allow him the chance to share with you his. Perception are bound to clash, but at least when you keep this open as a known problem, you pave a opening for possible solution/compromising when the occasion calls for it.

Sweeping it under the carpet will only bring about deeper frustration and proliferates internal resentment.

Cheers

Dinner @ Jack's Place

Almost ended up in their Marketing Dept. Haha...

Aunt Agony II 210707

Originally posted by galfriend:
my boyfriend always tell me about other people's problems, especially after a good night out.

manyatimes, we are out to chill out after a hard and stressful days from work. and towards the end of the night, and we are both happy, finally forgotten about all the worries and stress about work and many others, he tells me his worries about others, like his friends who quarrelled and etc.

tonight he tells me again. been having very stressful and political working environment for months. after a hard day of work, we went to chill out. had fun and was happy. on the way home, he tells me about his sister's problems. i was so sian. after hearing, i told him, how much can you worry? before anyone breakdown, you'll be the first to breakdown, or maybe me. cos he has his own problems to worries and others' problems. cos i have to worry about my own problems, his problems, now i m burdened by his worries of others problems. i wasnt happy. and he said, maybe i shouldnt tell you so much.

i m so vexed, cos i really wake up to all reality, all the stress of life and work, after much effort (ie one whole nite's effort to relax). what should i do?


Some people just highly subjected to 'environment feelings' - they are easily disturbed by the aura people exude from their feelings and it clings and lingers onto them easily (especially so if he's a Pisces - next comes Cancer and Scorpio).

This is a clash of emotional management, rudely brought forth into the private space of your relationship.

The theory of equilibrium will tell you that if you are subjected to negativity and if your influence do not seek to overcome the source of negativity, you 'lower' yourself to be on 'par' to this very source, in which I reckon that your man neither has the life force nor positive condition to take on such choking influences from people around him.

It's only natural for wanting a quiet space when you spend some quality time with your boyfriend. Your work is probably drudgery and toilsome - with all that deadlines, distraction, noise, unhappiness, anger, frustrations and all sort of unpleasant moods and situation shrouding you like some malicious spirit, attempting to break your spirit.

Does he knows about your frustrations at work? Or do you choose to avoid sharing as you prefer to keep your time together as musically sweet as possible?

From his POV he's likely to think along this line:

'I want to share with my girlfriend some issues in life, but she seemed to be irritated with the notion of me sharing with her. Yes, it's true, these are people's problem, but I am somewhat implicated because these are my love ones too. Sigh. Perhaps, next time, I should just keep everything to myself.'

And of course, you are only but a human - you can only take so much stress before you collapse emotionally.

These realities are realities of a love relationship in an urban city; stress comes in several form of dimensions and they will seek for the 'line of least resistance' - hoping to crash at the spot where your vulnerability lies and crumble your love through external means.

But does that mean that this is a sure fail? Not necessary.

Since you two are unable to control individual constrains in life, communicate and decide the best way you could compromise and work out something that you could keep the life of your relationship flowing. (If you two share the same religion together, both of you could seek for solace in your faith through prayers. Or speak with your religious leaders if possible).

You see, what happens is that both of you are facing challenges in life; it's just that each of you were hoping that your other half could provide you the avenue to alleviate this frustration from your state of life and the condition it brings. Therefore, how would it be possible for anyone of you to afford the emotional luxury to tender those sensitive needs when in your perception, both your visions have been blotted out by all these immerse problems, acting as a barrier to enjoy your relationship?

Sometimes when we are so overwhelmed by all these distractions in life - we tend to lose focus and forget that the basis laws to happiness in love is not about the tangibles - it's about being in our real self and communicating likewise in this form. The next time when he starts this again, cuts him off with a momentary kiss. Or put a finger to his lips and embrace him.

There are always no definite answers to problems and frustrations in life; but surely, there's strength in support.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 210707

Originally posted by babyreyes:
I havent posted anything in this thread for a long time... Anyway..i just need a space to talk to...

Ive a dear friend who has problems...but all i can do is just watch n keep my mouth shut...

Candy has a bf of 3 yrs .. theres many things tat candy doesnt approve about her bf.. many times promises were broken by him whoe once swore to correct his behaviours... However, as time goes by, candy bend herself a little to accepet who he is but still things wont really solved...

over this 3 yrs..they had numerous arguements over his same old habit... several times she burst out crying and stuff like tat.....of ccourse, back then (thats like roughly 1 yr back) i did suggest her to end her pain..but she didnt want..and the whole matter blew up even worse...Her bf knows i dont have a gd impression of him..and i guess he must have spoken ill of me as well...she had since stopped talking about their problems to me...

and all along i thought they were doing great n tat he was improving himself...little did i know tat his same old habit did not turn to the better but worse and candy suffered more...

tell me tell me... i seriously dont understand her actions... why stick with someone whom u feel tat isnt a suitable life partner? why continue holding on when u feel tat the ending is near???

I really reallly haiz..... u know as a friends..seeing her like tat really break my heart?

Ok i did try to talk to her.. but ever since tat incident where by the matter blew up..she doesnt speak much abt it until some time back when candy cant take it anymore about his bf..

i tried to find reasons for her actions... somehow felt she fear loneliness and nd someone.. tats my own view.. whenever i try to get more information on why she holding on and stuff like that..she diverts from the qtns and always change topics.. Perhaps she isnt comfortable talking to me about their problems again..or she knows wat im going to say..or she just dont wat to hear wat others want to say.. i dont know.. haiz.

i reallay dont know wat i can do…


That's her own life to steer and her own struggle to overcome - everything derive from the choice she has made. It seemed illogical to you because you do not live in her skin and you do not incur that sort of karmic debts like what she has with her man.

Physically we are all made differently - what's more when you compare our psychological, emotional and spiritual state?

As a friend, there's only so much you can do. Seriously, sometimes, it's not about the need to say something enlightening; it's just to play a prudent role of being a 'safety net' to catch when your friend falls off the cliff from sheer fatigue.

You can't substitute her in this game of love - she must grow from her own challenges.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 160707

Originally posted by huy:
It been a long time since i fall in love with someone.. ever since my past relationshiip which ended 2 years ago and it takes me quite a while to overcome it, i tell myself nv nv to fall in love with someone again... until when i met him...

he is a colleage in my company.. i jus join this company a few months back.. initially when i first knew him, i don really have that kind of feelings towards him.. to me, he is jus an average looking man and defintely not the type that i was looking for.. but as the days goes by, i realised that he is really diff from other guys. though he isn;t gd looking, but he carry himself well. he is very confident and he is intelligent, mature... not only that, whenever anyone encounter any problems at work, he is all there to help the person..

recently, i hang around with him a lot during office hours.. we can spend hours chatting, giggling.. it really enjoyable toking with him and thru all this chatting, i learn a lot from him also.. slowly, i began to realised that i kind of fall in love with him.. i don noe when it started but it seems that i have been tiking bout him everyday.. my heart jus beat very fast whenever i am with him.. initially i tok that was jus an infauation and i even slapped myself hard forcing myself not to like him but it not going to help.. my feelings towards him jus go deeper and deeper..

he is someone that i shouldn;t have fall in love with... regardless of background, qualifications, lifestyle, he is far way better than me. i am jus a nobody seriously.. he don have a gf now and he don noe that i like him also.. i jus kip all my feelings inside and pretend nothing happen. cos i knew that our friendship will defintely break if i confess to him..

seriously i felt so ashamed and guilty that i actually like him.. how can i fal in love with someone that i shouldn;t have... i felt like i am a toad falling in love with a swan.. i felt so cheapo of myself.. i tried to avoid him but then it hard.. cos i don wan to lose him as a fre also..

i really donnoe what to do.. now my whole mind is with him now.. i felt really tired.. it really terrible to kip my feelings inside..



Without trying, you kept tell yourself it's a road to failure and loving someone you shouldn't have - obviously failure is your only option.

Success and happiness doesn't come easy - in fact, most of the time, you probably have to die fighting or surmount arduous challenges before you could transform any dreams into reality.

From the way I see this, the only complication probably derive from that fact that it's an office relationship. Other than that, your other extraneous worries are basically self inflicted and mundane. All these 'he/she-is-too-good' for me perception is basically a product of inferior self esteem, largely illusionary.

What's good? What's bad?

It's all relative my dear.

Why are you even considering all these factors when in fact in the first place, you can't even find the courage to love him proper? And that being the MOST important factor?

Of course, you won't know if he has feelings for you, but surely, it's a possibility that something could happen. Why eliminate yourself completely even without a struggle? You have already moved on from your previous relationship, so what's holding you back?

You mean you are only 'entitled' partners with low qualification? Problematic family situation? Penurious background?

Without those, you can't date man?

Since you are equally troubled by avoiding and suppression of your emotions, why not try to face them? At least from there, you might actually find an answer to resolve your plight. After all, once you have been pricked by Cupid's arrow, there's little you can do, other than to give in to your heart's yearning.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 160707

Originally posted by radioactivelk:
Really hope tat i could get into a accident tat would make me forget everythk.
so heartbroken althou i told every1 i am ok..

hu hav the same feeling?


If you ever lose your memory in love, you will begin to learn how to love from day one again.

And chances are, with the same mindset, personality and attitude - you will fail the same way as you failed this time round because you have threw away what you gained previously, only to deny your graduation in love.

You reject lessons - you learn reiterated lessons.

Everybody will suffer various degrees of 'cuts' in love - nobody is spared from individual cosmic lessons. However, it's only through our injuries, we uncover more about ourselves and grow from falling. A bad outcome in love doesn't mean that we are losers in that aspect, but rather, we should all hope and work to win in the future... that's all that matters.

P.S: A war is won not by perfect score of wins, but by the battles that actual count. As long as we win the war, it doesn't matter how many small scale battles we have lost.

Cheers

Narcissistic - Corp Mtkg

Narcissistic

Aunt Agony 140707

Originally posted by bearie000:
Been dating this guy for a few months.however,when i turned down his request for intimacy, he didnt want to talk to me anymore.I thought he sincerely liked me all these months but now he is ignoring me.......

why? even if he is in for intimacy in a r/s ..doesnt have any feelings for me?
i mean even if you dont love a person, you still have fond memories of the person and want to keep in touch..

why is he so heartless?cut off with me after i refused to be intimate with him. :( doesnt have feelings for people ?or is it im too duo qin....and devoted..when he just took me for a ride.

this is not once..but twice...the guy i dated previously is also like that

i must be a unlovable person..thats why i cant make people develop feelings for me

i mean if u see a person for few times, after that, you will also miss the person even if you dont love the person...but he doesnt seem to miss me or care a damn abt me!

i cant believe a human being can be so callous....for me, even if i have a normal friend from the opposite sex, i still keep in touch,afterall,he has bee my friends for so long and i still care and think of him from time to time...



This is an exchange of needs - he wants intimacy and you want companionship.

You deny one aspect of this trade, the deal cannot run.

Be glad that you have seen his colours even before he transpire; why bother to have the affection of someone whom never meant to be true to you and himself in the first place?

I hope you have the sense to find someone who is both genuine inside and out, not some clown donning jester's mask. Why bother to have the latter's love and affection, where your suffering will likely to intensify when you learn of his facade later on in a relationship?

Our love life is governed by the sort of mindset we implement in our life: People with twisted mindset about love always have screwed relationship - that equation hardly changes. We attract the quality we exude, therefore attracting the wrong kind of mate is often a quality found in ourselves upon close examination.

Such gloomy automatic thoughts have no absolute benefit to your love life; in fact, if you began to believe in your own propaganda, you will always meet man like these. Unconsciously, your poor outlook in love might just be the cause of your so called 'destiny/fate' in love.

Many people failed miserably in love because they failed to understand that self love must come before love. These people attempt to supersede the love they received from others to mollify their emotional deformity and hatred for themselves. They somewhat reckon that the source of happiness can only be bestowed from the others' approval, love and recognition.

But as much as we love to be loved, if the core belief of our love is aberrated, whatever love that was granted to us merely acts as a screen to avoid facing our psychological and emotional imbalance, resulted from the lack of self love.

And the moment when our love fleets, the mayhem triggers instantaneously - we slipped into hysterical mode when we realised that we have to face our ghastly unloving side once again, which has always been blotted out momentarily by the superficial nature of our relationship.

One can only hope to win in love if they have the wisdom to win themselves.

Cheers

Boat Quay

The vision that came from four hours of idling at Boat Quay.

Levitating Apples

Levitating Apples! =D

Aunt Agony III 100707

Originally posted by what am I to do?:
I'm in my mid-20's. I used to treat relationships lightly when i was younger. I know I was not responsible then but I could only blame it on my youth. But why now? Why when I am ready to settle down, I could not seems to find someone to share my life with? No matter how I try, I could not get into a relationship though I am very serious about it. Is it really fate playing a fool on me or what? I ask for nothing except a simple life with a family of my own.

Because of this I am very frustrated with life. Even more so when I see so many people enjoying life with their loved ones. Places to go during the weekends. Holidays and countries to visit. Why or what have I done that I cannot be like them? Why can't I simply meet someone?

Why are girls just entertaining me just because I am friendly to them? Everyone says I'm a great guy but I'm still alone? I'm responsible, trustworthy. I don't smoke nor visit pubs nor club. Why did the one I finally choose to love only treat me as a good friend? What's wrong with girls these days? Or are they simply too young to be serious?

God!Why is it so hard? Feeling fucking frustrated yet there's nothing I can do. Please don't give advices like concentrate on career, or know more friends because all that is taken care of. I want to know why fate is so hard up on me? What the hell have I done to deserve this? I'm losing myself if this goes on.

I sent her a long email yet not even a reply. Always giving me hurting comments. ARGH!!!!!!!!! How I wish I can become a robot. Really no motivation to move on anymore.


Think not you can direct the course of love, for if love finds you worthy, direct your course.

Surely love is not merely a push button where you can demand its existence when you tell Love you are ready for it and abuse it when you are not?

Certain opportunities in the past are lost forever, while certain opportunities presently are never meant to be opportunities in the first place. How can we coerce Love to embrace us willingly when the fit is mismatched?

What do you think is the root of your frustration? Being rejected? Or simply because the 'tables are now turned' against you?

Why must you dismiss the option of enlarging your social circle simply because you are rejected by someone? Why must you deny yourself of learning and possibly of a 'better-fit' by knowing more people?

Perhaps if you learn patience and humility, it might be easier on your soul, simultaneously, evolved yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 100707

Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:

I will be meeting my ex again. But I don't know how to face her? How?

It was the greatest relationship I had.

And i guess the timing wasn't right. We started young. If she could allow me to grow and be more patient towards this relationship, and not to give up. This relationship will last. But then, she just choose to throw in the towel.



It's probably only the greatest relationship to you... exclusively.

I hate to shatter this idealism, but as you are here ranting about your stagnation and even reminiscing about the golden age of your love life, seriously on the other side of Singapore, your ex would be out there making merry, loving the man she chose and moving on in life gratefully without your presence.

It's really interesting to note when people can related so much feelings about their ex-love, when in fact, these people don't really give a damn anymore. It's like acting and directing your own epic movie, where you are the only audience in the theatre, laughing and weeping at your own script.

Nobody can instigate you to move on if that isn't part of your own free will to do so.

P.S: Time is always never right to do right - but you can always decide your own route in life and how you want to steer it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 100707

Originally posted by bkbatboy:
I'm ''together' with a gal who is 6 yrs older than me...we always have dates together from going to east coast to have dinner to juz having a nice chat at her void deck.before i knew her I already know she's the clubbin type and she told me that she had flings.she also told me that she would sometime hug n kiss her flings.i dun mind her having flings cos she say to her flings are juz close guy frens but sometime it stings when the thought of her hugging her flings come to mind. she told me she likes me n stuff and we are together in all sense except in name cos she have some private stuff she have to settle(which i shall not mention here due to privacy) before getting together with me.

Though i dun think she got alot time to meet her flings =x cos i meet her most of the time haha!

Hmmm..so am i stupid or?she's not tat pretty anyway.I also not handsome anyway..tell me your views..pls no flaming =)



I don't think it's about jealousy, much more than feeling terribly insecure. In fact, her behaviour is likely to escalate your insecurity if you ever consider this as a serious relationship.

Before you are even official, she already explained the 'clauses/fine prints' of what's like being in a relationship with her. Often, people say that sort of things to 'indemnify' themselves of future charges (This is the theory of indemnity in CloUdiSm).

My take is that if you cannot or see yourself sustaining such emotional pressure, probably with increasing intensity, it might not be advisable to see this beyond mere flings; especially if you are the sort of typical guy, with conventional thoughts and abhorred mind games.

Currently, you are just hoping that you might change her to suit to your will.

But this is only a remote possibility.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 080707

Originally posted by baby_oreo:
i'm in a class of only 4 girls.
so most of them are guys.
i realise guys like to talk the 1 or 2 more good looking girls in class. cause in this class girls are sort of rare.
and i'm the only fat and ugly one. :(
i can sense this "difference in treatment".
some of the guys talk more to the girl more in class, msn, sms, or leave more greeting msgs in friendster de..
den everytime that girl wil sort of tell me what she and the guys talked about, what card game they play and such. sort of feel left out lah.
i mean, i'm not trying to know more guys, i'm just thinking classmates make friends still need to see looks de meh? sad.
sometimes i dont really want to talk to the guys in class cause i will feel they act act reply to my questions but in the heart say that "you ugly freak, dont talk to me."
and somemore i am a super dont know how to socialise de ppl. i wont know what topic we can talk about, so that makes me a boring person i think.

anyone got same experience de?
LOL. very sad thing indeed lah.


You are pretty much sealed to your fate, thinking that if you are fat and ugly, you will live a destiny meant for those who are fat and ugly.

Nothing in life is permanent - the only absolute thing in life is changes itself.

If you have resigned to fate, you will forever position in that brand until you do something drastic to alter it.

As simple as that.

There are two kinds of people in this world - one with innate talent and the other that works hard for it.

And beauty is a learnable skill.

I said that it's a skill because you can work to become pretty yourself. You can acquire beauty through intensive hard work.

The problem is how much desire you have in wanting to change? How much effort are you willing to put? How much sacrifice are you willing to go through?

There are two reasons why woman fail to achieve this goal. One is that they are lazy; the other is that they lack the essential knowledge to effectively transform themselves.

So which do you belong to?

From there, you will know what to do with yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 070707

Originally posted by d0ug:
thanks for reading or clicking on this thread in advance =))

this story is about me and this girl..

that night, i asked her if she could call me and talk on the phone for the first time. she replied, 'must i call?'. i was rather disappointed. and said, 'it's your wish'. moments later, i received her call. and my life started to change.

i was having a meaningless life 'flirting' with girls before we started talking on the phone. i thought my life couldn't be any better, with almost every night on the phone, with different girls. then it was her, who changed me unknowingly.

below is the story..

i found this girl, by the name, B. she was hurt when i first met her..she wasn't able to forget the guy she liked for 4 years..though they were never together..and after listening to bits and pieces of her story, i decided to be there for her, until she is happy again. minor changes start to happen, without noticing, she became the girl i talk to almost every night, and replaced all my other acquaintances.

things got closer between us, she couldn't sleep without my smses at 2am each day, she felt something missing without my call every night, and was able to give up her time talking to other friends of her's. i didn't tell her this before, but i was touched, and fell in love with her.

few months later, after our poly life started, during the first week, we sms each other like crazy everyday. i remember just 1 bus trip to my school, we could msg up till 20times each. yes i had in mind the cost of the bill, but it was a happy moment for both of us. soon, we met each other up after school.

the magical week, i asked to meet her at xx shopping centre after school. she told me she was gonna pick up something from there for her sis, and i offered to accompany her. i didn't tell her this too, many times, that night, and the 2 following nights we met, i wanted to hold her hand. but i know i'm not allowed to. i asked her out again on the same week, friday. this time we went vivo, met up my brother and his gf. many people went between us when walking, how i wished i could hold her hand and walk together. she never knew..

i know i left her a good moment that night. and she asked me out the following week, offering to treat me dinner for my birthday. i was afraid at first, cause no girls asked me out before. i had no idea how to react, and gave her a feeling that i don't wanna go, but it's not true, i just don't know how to face her. she asked me if i was free on monday, and said she wanted to treat me dinner. i was wondering if i should go, and she told me something, that i will never forget in my life. 'if you're not free on monday, we shall go on tuesday. if you're still not free, i'll wait for you to be free.". something like this..the words are rephrase cause i couldn't remember word by word. so, we met. nothing much did happen that night at vivo. but soon after, i met her on the same week and we went vivo again. but this time, we spent most of the time at the balcony facing sentosa. i decided to make this the day, and tried hinting her on the bus to vivo, and at the balcony. if only she can remember, i put my hand on her lap, hinting her to hold mine. she didn't compromise, i thought that she didn't feel the same as i did. i remember this period, i lied down on the ground, and started looking at the stars. i was rather tired and thinking if i should really hold her hand today. and at that very moment, her hand came over to me and pulled me up. and i knew, i must hold it now.

but something bad happened straight after. we were holding each other's hands tightly even when we are sitting on the bus. i felt that she didn't wanna let me go, so was i. but i told her something, that i wasn't ready. i was such a failure since primary school days. never succeeded before each time i chased a girl. i wasn't ready cause all these years, i've never been accepted. was really relieved that she wasn't angry.

and that's how we got together.

at the start, we met around 3 times per week, having a good time each outing. and we went ahead to kissing few days after we got together. our love was strong then..

but problems started. i wasn't able to take her blog having more of other boys than me. nearly every post has another guy's name. but i know she didn't love him..he was just a friend. but i was just jealous.
and this became one of the biggest problem.. i regretted for nagging about this problem time and time again which made her feel sick and tired of it..the outcome is always argument between us.

now that i think of it, i should have given her more time..the fact that she said she will change her blog and stuff for me when we are stable..

soon, our 1 month anniversary came. i was so so sooooooo excited over the weekends. was asking my friends what their bf do for them during their anniversary. some tell me to buy her flowers. but ... i was having financial difficulties at that time.. and i lied to her, saying that i didn't have the time. felt really really sorry..i'm such a useless boy. can't even buy FEW STALKS of roses for her during our first anniversary..she even paid for our movie..

more problems came in between us after that.. mainly cause i still didn't stop my nonsense.. and made her sick and tired of the arguments..i don't blame her for that..but i'm really really hurt that even after i changed, she didn't give me the love i've always wanted..she didn't stop showing disinterest with me..she didn't show me love at all..but she used to love me more than i did..

that day in school, i heard, we can leave at 10am but there is a course for us at 4 to 5.30pm..i was fighting inside my mind..whether i should send her home after school..and i made up my mind to after that. gave her a call..and asked that question..i didn't know that she will actually scream at me and insisted on going home herself..she didn't used to show me this kind of treatments..i believe its my nonsense that changed her..

recently, i left her alone to think through, what i have done for her and what she gave me in return.. but turns out that she had been thinking whether we should still be together..i feel like a moron digging my own grave..

she took quite a long time to make up her mind to end our relationship..

guys..my question is, how can i get another chance from her? i need advices if possible..i feel that shes a girl who needs alot of time..need advices .. i don't wish to lose her..



All your negativity contributed subconsciously to your self fulfilling prophesies - your failure in this relationship is a mirror image of your basis definition of love. I shall quote you the phrases that have attached maliciously as part of your core belief:

[quote] '...i was afraid at first, cause no girls asked me out before. i had no idea how to react, and gave her a feeling that i don't wanna go, but it's not true, i just don't know how to face her.

...but i told her something, that i wasn't ready. i was such a failure since primary school days. never succeeded before each time i chased a girl. i wasn't ready cause all these years, i've never been accepted.' [/quote]

The source of your possessiveness was created from your perpetual effort of trashing yourself down in negative light. If you reckon that you are unlovable, no matter how glorious your relationship has the potential to be, it will appear bleak; like peering through a pair of sunglass, even if the landscape could steal your breath away with its majestic stunning colours and lush details.

From the way I look at this, your psychological and emotional structure appears more problematic than your relationship itself. If you are unable to exhibit love for yourself and raise that self esteem, your next relationship would just be the next prey to be devoured by this insecurity once again.

Paradoxically, though you understand that 'you are digging your own grave', you still persisted with your nonsense - signified a terribly lack of wisdom.

I hope you understand that the downfall of this relationship is largely because you are not emotionally and spiritually evolved - strong hint of an alpha male dominance. Resolve that inner afflictions caused by your developing years and enlighten those blemishes from within.

[quote] ..but i'm really really hurt that even after i changed, she didn't give me the love i've always wanted..she didn't stop showing disinterest with me..she didn't show me love at all..but she used to love me more than i did.. [/quote]

I will repeat again: this is a self fulfilling prophesy. You reckoned that you will always fail in relationship and so congrats: you achieved exactly what your mind has envisioned. Never mind how great the relationship was and never mind about she giving more previously - because you thought that you are unlovable and doesn't deserve genuine love, therefore you coerced subconsciously her to comply likewise.

Individually, your condition is far from what Love needs of you personally before you are ready for a relationship. It's not about love - it's about you. If you can't even handle yourself, I doubt you are in any position to extend this very love to someone else.

Cheers

ST Death

Seriously, something must have gone real wrong somewhere; whenever I flipped through the paper, scanning for my competitive ATL ads, I will see news of people dead... and they happen to be people I know.

Firstly it was Ishi - who suicided.

Next it was Cheng Khoon who succumbed to cancer.

Sigh.

I was actually quite shocked when I saw Cheng Khoon face on ST. I mean, it seemed like yesterday when me, Andrea, Daniel and YL were trying to sell everybody the goodies Iris kept to raise funds for charity.

I recalled Cheng Khoon trying to bargain with me over some mundane wire thingy for $1. And the times where we had so much food and I left it at Sport Desk for whoever that wants to eat.

And I even cracked a joke about his name, claiming that it bears close resemblence to 乾坤大挪移。

Haha... those were indeed the good old days: Sigh... you two will be in my prayers.

Aunt Agony 050707

Originally posted by Guardx:
Looking at a relationship with a history of 3 years. I am earning less than her and wish I could earn more. Tried very hard but still no chance. She always do what she wants without thinking about both of us. Go chionging without telling and does not care about my feelings. Request for her to change her ways but she refuse saying that she will follow her friends. Always listerning and giving in to her makes me no better than a dog. Sadly I am not that handsome enough to change to another gal so quickly. Sianz..



Your situation transpired one single truth - that no relationship is able to sustain itself based on one person's effort, regardless of how much perseverance or tolerance one has stored in his/her guts.

Your post revealed a man, growing emotionally tired of indulging in a one player game. However, though you probably felt trapped, simultaneously, you felt that wasn't any other perceived alternatives without having to compromise on your current status quo.

Your writing reeked of envy to people who seemed to score better in the looks department. It seemed to me that you might subconsciously hoped to find someone else to alleviate your misery, so that you could safety leap ship and resume your journey in love. But in comparison to loneliness - you rather choose to remain with a known evil than an unknown future of single hood.

So much insecurity that it really makes me wonders if you are in a relationship for love or mere companionship.

You are what you think you are - if you think you are humdrum and average, then it will manifest into reality for you.

Love thrives best when led with moderation - it's not about how good you are or how much money you splurge on her. In fact to me, your 'goodness' is seemed to be due to your belief that you have to work twice as hard to compensate your lack of looks.

It may not be intrinsically part of your personality to do so.

Love might be the driving force behind it. But who knows? It might actually be fear.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 050707 (Yunhaier X jojobeach)

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:
im in my late thirties, consider well to do. not too high profile. currently extremely bored, single again
im being pursued aggresively by a 21 year old girl who is very beautiful but all the while i consider as my little sister but the feeling she give me is she wants more than that.
my worries is compatibility and i dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player.

two questions ,
we might go to an overseas trip together for shopping , if we do we might most probably end up as bf / gf. should i?

she might stay over at my place for a few weeks for matter of convenience because of an assignment near my place, should i?


im not that handsome or that ugly , just normal but slightly better than normal. is it normal for 21 year old very beautiful girl to behave this way?its weird to be pursued when you have been doing the pursuing all the while.
Im flattered by the attention but at the same time suspicious...

how ler?


Originally posted by jojobeach:
Fourfourtwo8,

I've dated men this kind of age gap before.

She may be genuinely interested in you.
Given your life experience and financial stability.
You would bring some interesting offerings to the table.

The relationship may be a very refreshing one for the both of you.

However, there are certain issues you might want to consider before you take the leap.

She is at a very different life stage as you.
At this age, she is starting to see what life has to offer.
I also doubt she will be ready to "settle down" and start a family with you anytime soon.

Are you willing to wait ?
At your age, you would probably want to start a family in a few years time?
Wouldn't want to be a old daddy with a newborn, right ?
Are you willing to let her explore what life has to offer and not interfere?

She still has a lot to learn......

You are a mature man, you will need to have a lot of patience and be a very understanding partner..... sometimes her childishness may trigger an irritation similar to dealing with someone of lesser intelligence. Are you ready to deal with that ?

Also, she will have the upper hand in terms of time....
She can afford to throw away perhaps 3-4 years more should she decide this is not what she wants.
Are you willing to gamble another 3-4 years into this relationship ?
Your stakes are high.....

If you are sure of it..and you are not in a rush to start a family.
Then by all means, go for it.


When you switched the roles over, you find yourself thinking and feeling in the shoes of a typical woman, wondering if the pursuer is dead serious or merely in for a moment of passion.

This is a woman's dilemma.

It's heartening to understand that you are moving on with your life - you should. But take good sense and care not to allow yourself the condition to substitute love subconsciously, just because you have yet to recover emotionally. IMHO, you may not have gotten over your previous relationship yet. Healing will resume automatically when the mind and soul returns back to clarify with wisdom, so do allow that time frame to manifest into effect.

Next is regarding individual needs - completely share the sentiment with Jojo; the chronological age gap conjures vast differences in expectation and needs. A man in late thirties certainly brandishes his love definition and needs differently from a young lady of early twenties. This is the generational phenomenon in Love astrology. Some women are naturally attracted to older man - this is due to certain qualities that draw them towards such mates (Saturn in 7th house - not considering aspects). It's not always the case of a women going all out to cheat a man of his money (In that sense, its likely Neptune influenced, affliction in 2nd/8th house)

But a positive aspect about this is that in love, it doesn't necessarily mean that we must have similarity to make it workable. In fact, the complementary aspect of personalities in a couple is far more crucial... though ironically giving rise to the most difficult of challenge people will ever face.

Of course there are reasonable reasons and possibilities why are not accepting her - which have been kindly contributed in posts by forumers before me. But in summary, the rationale of you hesitating is largely because, considering your current emotional state and age, you are averse to risk taking.

And she blatantly represents a high risk investment... an instrument you find it choking to swallow outrageously.

I cannot determine if you should go for it because from my angle, it's really a matter of choice. Rather, I would ask if you would like to take the plunge and try to reap something meaningful out of this. And yes, it doesn't mean that you must marry her eventually if things can't work out as you shouldn't let time fetter you in any ways.

I think a critical lesson to master in love is that no matter how many relationships you have been into, every newborn relationship starts from square one. You can't expect your next relationship to 'fill-in-the-blanks' from where the previous one has falter; therefore it isn't wise to plan/decide upon a marriage partner way before even you foster strong bonds from your BGR. Simply just because you are getting older and needs to settle down quickly is a bad excuse for haste.

And haste is one of the top failing factors in love.

An interesting question to note would be: does your aversion to risk comes from the fact that she is a high risk investment, or does it comes from your fear of failure?

P.S: If the both of you are going overseas together or even having her to stay over your place for a few weeks - the sex conundrum will surely appear in this equation. I don't know how sexually disciplined you are, but trust me, you probably won't want to put yourself a situation where you are not confident at all - especially when it comes to sex.

Sure, it can be all good wild fun - but once you begin in that 'brand positioning', it would be very arduous to 'reposition'. And a stable, proper relationship might not materialise very well from then onwards because of how you move your chess piece.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 040707

Originally posted by troubled_in_love:
I know what I am going to receive from a lot of replies here. Insult and jokes and cheeky replies. It is okie. I still post my story and still wanna see the feedbacks from the rest of the people who treat it seriously.

To cut the long story short, I am in love with another girl. That is not unusual. It is supposed to be a good thing. However the problem is I have a wife.

Yup I am a bastard and I deserve to be castrated.

Let me ask back a question in return. When you marry, who will you choose ? A person you like a lot, but do not like u as much. Or a person who like you a lot but you do not like tat much ? This is because in the past, I always thought tat it is not possible to find a person who you like and like you in return. I always thought that is a Moulin rouge fantasy and that is why I choose to find a person who like me a lot. I think a lot of people will choose this because it is supposed to be fortunate to have someone who like you and dote on you while it is tiring to love someone who do not love u that much in return.

However Moulin rouge fantasy is the right way to go. One should find someone he loves a lot and in return, love you. Even though it seems impossible… even though there are no perfect things in the world…It is the right thing to do. If u choose the above question to be someone who like you a lot but you do not like in return, you will face a severe dilemma like me. Later on in life you find someone who you like a lot and like you in return. But it is already too late.

Typical story is like this. I used to like a girl a lot. I crazily chased her. I failed. Totally miserable with no confidence in myself anymore. Met another girl. Seems to like me. Go out for a few dates. Acceptable and become girlfriend. Eventually become wife. However we face problems such as me lacking passion and energy in planning anything in the future with her or do anything for her. There is just no… enthusiasm… I never really crazily like my wife but I can live with her for many years. There are no real problems except having little enthusiasm for anything related to her and it is straining her. Then I met another girl and I started to like her. I go back to the time when I crazily like a girl again. We have similar character, similar hobbies and we like each other. Whenever I think of the future with her, it is something I always wanted in life. When I think of my future with my wife, all I see is….. a normal life…..

So what should I do ? Divorce and try to seek a new life with the new found love ? We only live once and being in a unfeeling relationship is not helping any of the parties. Stay with my wife and become a moral and responsible man ? Furthermore all love dies down one day and I just never see the potential problems I have with the new love.

What should one choose ?


Quintessentially, your mindset is the source of your torment and dire circumstances. Your rationale of what's love is to you appears to be myopic in judgement and narcissistic in thoughts - revolving solely on how you adorn your deluded definition of love in such screwed pattern.

Chances are, your wife is merely a woman that happens, unfortunately, to be around at the wrong time, with you accepting her while arming with a 'No-fish-pawn-also-good' perception of things.

All along, there has always been an innate dissatisfaction with your relationship as you perpetually long for a woman whom you could be crazy over, thinking that this is true love for you.

I am going to share with you something:

'...Many people look so disillusioned when I announce that the soul mate search is a myth, like I'm taking their favourite fairy tale away. I'm not, believe me. Giving up the idea that there is a soul mate for us somewhere and it's our job to find them can be downright liberating. Few things bring tears to my eyes more quickly than clients who stay in abusive relationships because they have confused the constant emotional intensity with their concept of what having a soul mate must be like. Even clients with perfectly nice marriages sadly tell me that their greatest failure was in never having found their soul mate. The term soul mate gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, and domestic violence...'

I feel for your wife, not because her husband is getting emotionally entangled with another girl, but because all these years, she has failed in trying to induce your heart to love her naturally.

You love the security that accompanied with her presence, but you never did give her or yourself a chance to love genuinely. And there's too much fantasy-indulgence that you have fed your befuddled soul with, giving rise to all sort of illusionary expectation you desire in your relationship.

Your loyalty is wavering - citing that she is nothing but normal and normal isn't what you are looking for.

Have you both communicated about this matter? Seriously, it isn't too huge of a hole to mend if both parties are willing to work things through. Of course, if that's not part of your decision to smooth out the edges in your relationship, then it will degenerate rapidly.

Before you keep looking out of your relationship for answers and hastily decide that that's true love for you, why not you try to understand and love the woman you are with? It's kinda sad getting married to a woman you hardly even knew or love. Sure, you might have dated for years, but to me, the relationship is hardly anywhere concrete.

Have you even given your marriage a good try? Or do you simply disregard it completely?

The answer would decide your route to take.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030707

Originally posted by maskedangel:
Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.

Here's my story.

I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.

I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.

Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.

3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.

It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .

Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls


I can't teach you how to win in love unless you first guide yourself to win over your personality.

Ill temper and lost of emotional control is a bad excuse for such behaviour. If you are going to persist in such immaturity, this will probably afflict your future relationships until you have the wisdom to evolve yourself.

Your suffering is very much due to the fact that she is able to get on with life much better without your presence - a self absorbed quality of love. Like a scoring a blatant victory over a screwed relationship; if she has found happiness outside you, perhaps you, being the source of her great misery, might just want to take some time off to introspect and decide how you want to improve your inner qualities.

If you claim love, but she is very much better off without the framework of this relationship - perhaps, letting go might demonstrate more strength than clinging on.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 010707

Originally posted by kkkk0914:
acutuali me and my gf is gona 5 mths le..first month + to 2 is very sweet..like msgs came here and sent with mushy words..after tat it lessen..its normail i tink..bt till now its like we msg less thn 10 per day?

and that she nv include like 'dear', 'honey' etc..when i msg ilu or imu..she oso nv reply..i ask her y she simply jux say 'duno lahs'..it like oni per anni tatz whn she will say it..and everytime is i msg her first, if not maybe till 6pm + she oso woun msg me..and when she msg me its like 'i go out now', 'i reach home le' bt her reach home is after bath or even aft watch tv..lol..

yday..i msg her cos we nv met and when i like sent the 4th msg in abt 30+ 40 mins, she replied say its irritating..and at 10pm+ i msg or 4 msg, thn she replied 'u very boring izzit?' ..thn she even blocked me in msn and i confronted her in msn..she replied im sorry, i go slp le at around 2am+..

why it turned out to be like tat?? wat shld i do?? im really tired of doing so much..im sad, angry..how? :(


It's natural for young love to revel in their love passion and shower each other with lovely messages and such. But as you progress further into your relationship - to sustain a relationship requires more than just that lovey SMS.

Don't get me wrong - it's always good to be loving and send something thoughtful or affectionate, but that shouldn't be the source of your problem.

Often, it's how the person developed emotionally.

Not everyone is apt to be affectionate.

You will be surprised knowing how some people demonstrate their affection in love. It's not because they don't love their partners - but rather, their environment and personal development had grown in such a way that they are unable to respond to love spontaneously and heartily.

Next time when you witness a large group of friends laugh together, watch carefully: you will realise that although the term 'laughter' is experienced by all - everybody will react differently to this experience, in terms of how they display their mirth.

Some will burst out in madness; some will tear; some will only giggle; some will remain cold; some will roll on the floor; some will only smile; some will cover their mouth when they laugh; some will appear like seizure; some will be clutching their chest... so on and so forth.

It's not about 'turning to be like these' as your title has suggested - it's probably part her to behave in such a manner in her most natural state and form. During honeymoon stage and the chase, most of us would attempt to conceal our flaws and negative aspects of our personality. It's only when we have led our relationship and given enough time, our blemish becomes clear.

Relationship is not a journey of perfect bliss. You have probably board the wrong train if you are expecting one.

It's how you uncover about each other's true personality, deal with them and grow from there. That takes years of effort to compromise, shape and evolve one another and especially to craft your relationship. Now that you know more about her and your relationship, start structuring basis communication - relating individual needs and definition of love. Try to blend indifference into something workable and learn to fine tune regularly to keep it in shape.

If you even perturbing over such minor roadblocks, I can only say: please anticipate more of such challenges, with greater intensity, thrown into your path.

Cheers

OF Chomper Tee release

Alvin said it will drop next tue.

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Cheers