Originally posted by nici:
A sad thing in life is to meet someone who means a lot to u, only to find out in the end dat it was nv meant to be.
I am in a r/s for 5yrs, and we are planning to register for ROM this June.
Actually last yr, we nearly broke up. Because I found out that he had been cheating behind me for months.
Due to his pleas and promises, I decided to stay on, because I am too attached to him. We stay together and my life revolves all around him. How am I going to survive without him?
If he had not cheated on me, I will feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world, because I am getting married. But now I just felt that we are getting married for the sake of marrying; as everyone around is anticipating for this rightful day to arrive.
However, I met A, he was my ex-colleague. My contract just ended (temp job) and now everyday I am thinking of him... I tried to refrain myself from doing so, but the more I try, the more I think of him.
Maybe it's an infatuation.
At work, we rarely talk, even during lunch time. The weirdess thing is I dare not have direct eye contact with him. The moment I look into his eyes, I felt very awkward and uneasy. Is that a sign of in love?
I can't really recollect when and how this starts.
At work, he is really nice to me. even we seldom chat, most of the time our communications is abt work.
He is very attentive to needs. Like pulling a chair for me when mine is taken up, volunteered to run little errands that he shouldn't be doing... eg. scanning documents on my behalf as i am new to that environment. He's a great help at work, with him around, I will never get bulllied or pushed around by others.
When I was seriously down with a fever and flu + cough, he will msg m telling me to take care and must rest more, sleep early, drink more water....
I admitted I was touched... cuz my bf whom i m staying with, don't even bother at all.
A is also very observant. He notices my attires and asked if my wardrobe only consists of dark coloured clothings. I laughed.... There was once during lunch, he complimented me on the way i hold the chopsticks... I blushed... I was like huh?? :oops: :roll:
He buys me lozenges everyday to soothen my coughs and is like shielding me from all dangers and difficulties. I can't help falling into it.
My last week at work, my bf was deployed for an overseas business trip for a week.
I meet up with A twice, for dinner and the other for supper.
Cuz i knew that we will never have the chance again.... when my bf is back.
He knew that I have a bf, and I told him abt my ROM, because I do not want to lead him on or to toyed with his feelings. He seemed shocked and distraughted.
In MSN, I confessed to him that I like him.. and it was terrible that instead of missing my bf whom at the point of time was abroad, my mind was preoccupied with A. I never thought that i will like another person other than my significant other, and moreover within such a such period of 2 months.
I knew I shouldn't fall in love with him, but I just can't help it.
A didn't make any confession until when i asked him through MSN, because, face to face, we avoided talking abt r/s....
Now, I or rather we are merely waiting for my ROM day to come.......
But from the scenarios as stated above, is A really interested in me? Or is it that I am over-sensitive... because my 5yrs r/s lacks of the care and concern since it's already 5yrs; most of the things my bf already take for granted. That's why I am so drawn towards A?
I am going abit crazy thinking of A and my present r/s. Should I get married for the sake of marrying or should I get free?
Maybe my feelings for A is an infatuation.........
But as what A advised me, if i were to make a decision, I am making it for myself and future. Not because of his existence... He even says that we may not be suitable. Is he backing off because he doesn't want to get involved in this mess?
But i can't stop thinking of him day and nite. The feeling is really undescribable.
Your Man
You are so married to security that it is beginning the blur the lines that distinct between love and 'else-other-than-love'. You are a domestic woman, which love has taught you to stay behind the scene, love and be supportive of your man. You gave him all the freewill to do anything he wants (which is a good thing), but you should never compromise what you have given to him, by retrograding your principles and thoughts to fit him and create a distorted picture of Love (e.g. who hasn't cheated? - this is a extremely negative mindset to adopt).
He has cheated and repented, apparently. And you had forgave him as well. If it is one isolated case, fair enough. BUT...
[quote]'...He got himself involved with a married colleague whom has 2 kids and also other women from pubs and massage....' [/quote]
Counting the least possibility, that adds up to three separate women. Registering marriage this June? Do you think that a marriage will change your man?
You should never marry someone thinking that they will change; they won't.
***
Your Lover
A is an example of possible benefic relationship (not necessary karmic). His appearance in your life is very straightforward:
I) He questioned the identity of your relationship and definition of your Love. Namely, would you be marrying for Love or Security.
II) He presents an alternative, in which your mind is beginning to see that it is possible to have a relationship with a man, vastly different from your current boyfriend (that your man is not exclusive and not-the-only-one)
III) CloUdiSm states ‘…we attract the qualities we exude…’ - therefore when your esteem is bounded by his control, which signifies certain degree of inferiority, you will see yourself accepting, regardless, the mindless temper your boyfriend flares into. A presented a side which you thought it was loving and devoid of aggression.
You mentioned that all the pain your SO has inflicted upon you has greatly decimated your love for him and that you will close one eye no matter what happen in the future, which I presume it will include emotional abuses, which has spread regularly over the period of five years (CloUdiSm speaks about Boundary Regression - which is a long theory, but I won't have enough time and space for it)
The truth is that you are unwilling to make decision for yourself and rather circumstance make those difficult decisions.
NOBODY has the right to abuse you, even if he is your boyfriend/husband. And the emotional abuses are so brutal that it has caused you to abnegate your prerogative of Love.... your 'basis entitlement' of being loved and cared for, in exchange of a delusion perception of Love, saying that you must shoulder and accept everything negative about him, regardless.
This is crap.
You are in a 'Love business' and all that comes with the 'love business' must come, not just the negative side of Love.
***
Your Difficulty
Your stultifying effort to make any decision to due to a phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as the Marpessa Complex.
In the Greek mythology, Marpessa was the more fortunate maiden beloved by Apollo, although she would have lived happily ever after with Idas, one of the heroes of the Calydonian Hunt and also one of the Argonauts, whom carried her off from her father with her consent.
Idas refuse to give up and dared to fight Apollo. In the end, Zeus parted them and told Marpessa to choose.
She chose the mortal, fearing, that the God would not be faithful to her.
You are like her; rather the evil you know than the evil you don't, for you rather chose a known wrecked relationship over an unknown utopia.
You are so rooted to the shores of your relationship, even though it has lost much meaning and you adjure the idea of leaving the island even you have the means to do so.
You are buying the ideology of 'security' and despite that you have invested so much, you are still unwilling to abandon your bad investment.
***
Your Voice
You cannot step into a marriage when you have someone else occupying space within your heart, mind and soul.
And you cannot step into a marriage with the power of commitment minus Love.
Because this spells vehement karmic suffering.
Consider this:
I) Avoid accepting commitment/s that you are unsure of - namely marriage. It must be put to later date.
II) CloUdiSm second Law of Love (Law of Relationship Existence) states that '...No one can make us stay in a bad relationship except ourselves...' Learn that you are empowered to make decisions for your love life and quit letting circumstances make for you. If you must leave him, then do so and not subjected to emotional weakness.
III) IF you MUST communicate with him, then by all means do so. If you want to give a chance to this relationship, he must at least know what is happening before he could propose a viable solution to work things out between the both of you or see new reason/s why you should NOT remain in this relationship.
Cheers
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Aunt Agony 310506
Originally posted by sun baby:
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
Aunt Agony
Originally posted by sun baby:
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later?
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflicts your life.
Cheers
Sunday, May 28, 2006
www.geek-box.com
Ok people, have to do some marketing here.
My buddy has just created a website that provides free tagboard service that enables YOU to upload pictures together with the message.
It is relatively new, but it WILL be the upcoming hot shit.
Check them out @: www.geek-box.com
Just look at my tagboard and be amazed! Haha...
P.S: BTW, any ladies interested in him can lemme know. He's a SNAG.... hahaha!
Cheers
My buddy has just created a website that provides free tagboard service that enables YOU to upload pictures together with the message.
It is relatively new, but it WILL be the upcoming hot shit.
Check them out @: www.geek-box.com
Just look at my tagboard and be amazed! Haha...
P.S: BTW, any ladies interested in him can lemme know. He's a SNAG.... hahaha!
Cheers
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Aunt Agony II 270506 (yunhaier X MCsquare)
Originally posted by rikki:
There is a girl I knew, only for maybe like 3 months or so(I mean like actually start talking to her , making friends) . Although the time is really short, but the time we spent together is really a lot. At first, it was just a typical group going out thing. But after awhile, I began to find myself looking forward more and more to this kinda of outing we had, or rather I find myself looking forward to seeing her everyday. Some of you might think, Oh Its just the kind of love at first sight, or appearance love. But its not, everytime i see her. Im so happy, just merely looking at her makes me happy. And when she talks to me, her smile, Kindest. Touch, warmest. Everyday was like a happy day for me. We even talked on the phone almost everyday, we were really close. I wanted to remain the kind of Good friend relationship we had, because im afraid of rejection. Why am i afraid? Because its just so painful, that i actually could'nt get back on my feets everytime i got rejected, the thought of living was meaningless . In my life, I've only loved two girls, And when i said love. I really mean it, after my second rejection I thought that i did'nt wanted to love again, Like whoa how many setbacks can a man take? But then, i've found love again. This time , a greater one, so much that I could really die for the girl. You know in dramas when they said "I love her so much that i would really die for her" . Normally, its only bragging. But this time i really would boldy say, I would really die for her, i would do anything for her.
I find myself extremely devoted to this kind of love i had for her, I actually think about her every single second. Every where i go, i would think about her. Even when i went into a shop, if i see something cute or lovely, i would think of buying it for her, and i did.
And i love her not because she has the most beautiful face i've ever seen, Nor do i love her because of her never failing sunshine smile that she brought upon me. But I love her because i truely love her.
The problem now is, this love i had for her is too overwhelming, its overflowing, And i can't control it. I have to do something about it, I have to confess. But how? Im not trying to make myself sound pathetic or anything, but i would really not love again if this girl dies or anything, because i really cant find myself having feelings for anyone anymore because they are not her. I wanna ask her out one day, some day special. And i would wanna confess to her on that day, But how? How can i do it to make a sucessful one?
Originally posted by M©+square:
You remind me of someone whom i treasured alot. A male friend of mine.
He was always into his talk about his beaut. Claiming what he would have done for her and how much he loves her.
He likes to paint Airy Fairy tales around her. He'll describe how he'll reach out to her and fight for her if ever such incidents and scenario happens.
He'll weep and smile himself silly over the failed attempts(he withdrew his confess) and smile over those things he could do for her.
Sadly, he didn't understand what she wants in a guy.
My dear friend was a pathetic fool.
I understood my friend, how he felt, his tears and his hurts.
All his hot air jazz over becoming her hero became nothing. It became dust....worthless.
Ouch, but I had to agree with MCsquare.
You feared rejection so much, that if you were to break down your thoughts, you will realize somehow, you will do the darnest things that destroy your chance and fulfilled the condition for this rejection to take place again. It is a reiterated cycle because what and how we exude our love, comes from the condition inside of us.
You know why your emotions are so intense? (If you are Scorpio, then x2 to that amount)
Simply because it is SUPPRESSED emotions.
Hate to douse you in cold water, but it is not true love dude. It is love nevertheless, but it is overwhelming... overflowing because it is suppressed. You tried to brush it away and bring down the intensity of your love for her but it kinda backfire. What you did merely strengthen this wild energy of love and the more you tried to control, the more erratic it gets... until:
I) You are unable to control it and it runs berserk.
II) Fulfilled the self prophesy of rejection.
III) Repeat karmic cycle.
If you want love, then remove the fear of rejection. If your love cannot remove the fear of rejection, it will question your love instead.
Cheers
There is a girl I knew, only for maybe like 3 months or so(I mean like actually start talking to her , making friends) . Although the time is really short, but the time we spent together is really a lot. At first, it was just a typical group going out thing. But after awhile, I began to find myself looking forward more and more to this kinda of outing we had, or rather I find myself looking forward to seeing her everyday. Some of you might think, Oh Its just the kind of love at first sight, or appearance love. But its not, everytime i see her. Im so happy, just merely looking at her makes me happy. And when she talks to me, her smile, Kindest. Touch, warmest. Everyday was like a happy day for me. We even talked on the phone almost everyday, we were really close. I wanted to remain the kind of Good friend relationship we had, because im afraid of rejection. Why am i afraid? Because its just so painful, that i actually could'nt get back on my feets everytime i got rejected, the thought of living was meaningless . In my life, I've only loved two girls, And when i said love. I really mean it, after my second rejection I thought that i did'nt wanted to love again, Like whoa how many setbacks can a man take? But then, i've found love again. This time , a greater one, so much that I could really die for the girl. You know in dramas when they said "I love her so much that i would really die for her" . Normally, its only bragging. But this time i really would boldy say, I would really die for her, i would do anything for her.
I find myself extremely devoted to this kind of love i had for her, I actually think about her every single second. Every where i go, i would think about her. Even when i went into a shop, if i see something cute or lovely, i would think of buying it for her, and i did.
And i love her not because she has the most beautiful face i've ever seen, Nor do i love her because of her never failing sunshine smile that she brought upon me. But I love her because i truely love her.
The problem now is, this love i had for her is too overwhelming, its overflowing, And i can't control it. I have to do something about it, I have to confess. But how? Im not trying to make myself sound pathetic or anything, but i would really not love again if this girl dies or anything, because i really cant find myself having feelings for anyone anymore because they are not her. I wanna ask her out one day, some day special. And i would wanna confess to her on that day, But how? How can i do it to make a sucessful one?
Originally posted by M©+square:
You remind me of someone whom i treasured alot. A male friend of mine.
He was always into his talk about his beaut. Claiming what he would have done for her and how much he loves her.
He likes to paint Airy Fairy tales around her. He'll describe how he'll reach out to her and fight for her if ever such incidents and scenario happens.
He'll weep and smile himself silly over the failed attempts(he withdrew his confess) and smile over those things he could do for her.
Sadly, he didn't understand what she wants in a guy.
My dear friend was a pathetic fool.
I understood my friend, how he felt, his tears and his hurts.
All his hot air jazz over becoming her hero became nothing. It became dust....worthless.
Ouch, but I had to agree with MCsquare.
You feared rejection so much, that if you were to break down your thoughts, you will realize somehow, you will do the darnest things that destroy your chance and fulfilled the condition for this rejection to take place again. It is a reiterated cycle because what and how we exude our love, comes from the condition inside of us.
You know why your emotions are so intense? (If you are Scorpio, then x2 to that amount)
Simply because it is SUPPRESSED emotions.
Hate to douse you in cold water, but it is not true love dude. It is love nevertheless, but it is overwhelming... overflowing because it is suppressed. You tried to brush it away and bring down the intensity of your love for her but it kinda backfire. What you did merely strengthen this wild energy of love and the more you tried to control, the more erratic it gets... until:
I) You are unable to control it and it runs berserk.
II) Fulfilled the self prophesy of rejection.
III) Repeat karmic cycle.
If you want love, then remove the fear of rejection. If your love cannot remove the fear of rejection, it will question your love instead.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 270506
Originally posted by Alleycat:
the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.
I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.
Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.
Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.
Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.
A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.
Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.
Will really try to make her feel secured.
I think this is the root of problem.
So many times, when you see people with emotional defects, you can see the root when you understand a certain past - a devastating past that is probably unresolved emotionally and psychologically, which caused the viscous poison to linger. I don't know how she has been handling this implication since then, but I doubt it was well managed because when you looked into her definition of love, it is pretty warped.
You need LOTS of patience and endurance to before you could hope to re-define her definition of love. It shouldn't be changes from outwardly, it must be enlightenment from within, which will create those changes. When one attempt to change because of external pressure, it is largely because of fear. She feared to lose you, thus she had to implement those change to preserve status quo.
Changes must happen because there is strong belief and knowledge that it is the better of things. One must evolve and not temporary suit to its crisis just to avoid further complication, for an outburst will surely happen eventually and revert everything back to square one.
You have to resort to maturity to plant seeds of wisdom into her soul (to make use of Saturn [maturity] energy's to tame, discipline and forge understanding towards her vagary energy of Love) You got to heal what that is damaged and renew herself. And let me tell you that it is definitely not an easy feat and you may probably perish in trying.
Your only hope for this relationship to thrive and prosper is when she has evolved, as mentioned above. It cannot be plain changes that are devoid of understanding, apart from trying to maintain status quo because it will surely crumble with time to come.
Cheers
the last time round i tried to break up cos she indirectly caused me to lose my job as Flash developer by hogging my rest time after work.. sometimes i sleep 4 hrs a night. All because she wanted attention. My boss then disliked my quality and efficiency in work. Told me to leave.
I brought it up to her. then after the real big fight where she nearly tried to jump, i coaxed her to come down. We then really tried to work things out.
Her plus points are : She tried to give me more space by knowing when to let me rest and in return i give her more assurance and accompany wherever possible. She cooks for me and in return i help out the dishes. She knows i am financially tight so she planned the budget we could agree on. She knew I had some problems with one of my guy buddy then she delibrately msn him (cos we all know each other) to find out what is the problem.
Sometimes as much as I try, I get caught in middle. My dad, after losing his wife.. (my mother passed away last year), sort of depends on me to some extent. He doesnt say much but he constantly hopes for some company at times. My gf is quite afraid of him, cos he is a very direct person. Hence she dun really like to come to my place.
Anyway, after the big fight, we really tried to resolve things. But of course a bit of bicker here n there. But at times she can be quite a kid and refuse to sort things out.
A little more background about her : She is a straight 'A' student in school last time, parents sort of forced her to study really hard. And sadly, she was raped by her uncle when she was very young. Guess thats why she is insecure at times.
Sorry my story comes in pieces. After typing all these out, somehow i got my own answer.
Will really try to make her feel secured.
I think this is the root of problem.
So many times, when you see people with emotional defects, you can see the root when you understand a certain past - a devastating past that is probably unresolved emotionally and psychologically, which caused the viscous poison to linger. I don't know how she has been handling this implication since then, but I doubt it was well managed because when you looked into her definition of love, it is pretty warped.
You need LOTS of patience and endurance to before you could hope to re-define her definition of love. It shouldn't be changes from outwardly, it must be enlightenment from within, which will create those changes. When one attempt to change because of external pressure, it is largely because of fear. She feared to lose you, thus she had to implement those change to preserve status quo.
Changes must happen because there is strong belief and knowledge that it is the better of things. One must evolve and not temporary suit to its crisis just to avoid further complication, for an outburst will surely happen eventually and revert everything back to square one.
You have to resort to maturity to plant seeds of wisdom into her soul (to make use of Saturn [maturity] energy's to tame, discipline and forge understanding towards her vagary energy of Love) You got to heal what that is damaged and renew herself. And let me tell you that it is definitely not an easy feat and you may probably perish in trying.
Your only hope for this relationship to thrive and prosper is when she has evolved, as mentioned above. It cannot be plain changes that are devoid of understanding, apart from trying to maintain status quo because it will surely crumble with time to come.
Cheers
Monday, May 22, 2006
Aunt Agony 220506
Originally posted by olala:
I've some problems within and hope to get answers
lets call the gal,gal A
I'm 17 this year,when i was in sec 3,i fell for gal A in my class for mroe than a year
I did everything i could to court her..
I was very chldish in he past
u know,the usual smses and chit chat.giving get well cards and bdae gift
I got rejected continously for more than a year
however,the last straw came when last year she shot straight into my face telling me she dosent like short guys in a scarcastic manner
she too mentioned that I'm shorter than her[she juz got a bf at that time and purpose of me askign was to ask why i didnt stood a chance along]
as far as I know..i'm 1.7 and taller than her
I muz say shes not a bad gal but perhaps all this long courting has made her iritated so she wanted to be blunt
this was around dec2005
[she had an ex b4 and at that time i too was intrested in her but got rejected oso,thats was jan2005]
[her bf had sex with ex b4]
now its mid 2006 and i've given up
I've given up since 3 months back
now i felt happy for her decesion,perhaps i dun feel anything
however,i do see a tremendous change in me...negative
Now,inside me i hate this grudge against gals
a very strong hate[not extreme as in shuning them but holding a grudge against gals bcuz of what gal A have done
Whenever,I someone who i think i'll b intrested,I tell myself not to initial anything with her[eg.trying to get closer]
Also,when other gals tried to express intrests in me,i'll try to ignore and juz let them fade off
it's like i'm hanging on to my ego
In the past,i've tried so hard courting a gal but in the end i got slam striaght in the face and not the mention that her bf had sex with ex's b4
This made me felt unfair that such a bastard is able to get a nice gal
now of corse this whole experiences has made me grow
but the growth stem from the bitterness and hatred towards the opposite gender which has made me realise how unfair this world is
Now,i'm juz someone who dosent want to get into a relationship[suppose i'm intrested in another gal] bcuz of what have happen and a guy who places material and acheivement in utmost importance
whenever i thought
of courting another gal,my pride comes into the pic and then i'll juz tell myself this is juz another abc relationship that'll juz eventually not work out juz lyk what happen to most other ppl
Of course the feeling of beign is love is honey
but the state i'm in and my past seem to forbade me from getting to know other gals on a relationship level
what i'm seekign here is not the'since she dun like u,move on'
cuz i've already mvoe on but it comes with the negative changes
I'm no longer the childish kid who laugh all day but one whos mature to a leve of placing $ and work b4 play to the extreme[i'm probaly even more mature than her in terms of thinking']
Anyone can tell me whats the reasons regarding the change in me?
i need serious and mature answers
i no longer smile much now and the large circle of friends i have,i only chose some which are worthy and hangout with.
btw I'm aquarius and born on 14/2/89
During this difficult phrase of picking up your broken pieces and moving on, it is almost critical how you handle your emotions and the aftermath of any lessons taught by life because it WILL determine how you will be faring in love and your absolute attitude towards it.
Your ego is blatantly wounded when she rejected your affection by claiming that you were too short for her. It doesn't matter whether you were indeed too short (1.7 is still fine imho), because her words cuts your ego savagely like a mindless zombie. Your mind tried to ward off the incoming attack by installing a psychological defensive mechanism to restore that esteem balance she had greatly decimated.
Your misogynist attitude is a by-product of a piercing rejection which you took it personally. One likely scenario could be; chances are, your friends may have dissuade you from chasing her, but you probably turn on deaf ear until she had to destroy that blinded ego of yours to convey that message directly. If you were to reflect objectively, you would have realise that she might have rejected you, however subtlety it may seemed, but your pressuring love merely brush away that notion.
Your desire to amass materialistic power is a change to rebuilt your self worth. It's a very common transformation in Love (especially man), whenever their self worth is being questioned, regarding their personality or when in Love. Money represent power and because you have failed to secure the object of your affection, somehow, it seemed that you could have 'more power' through 'more money'.
So what if you could own the world but loses your soul?
Love is a free spirit that cannot be bounded by any artificial earthly powers. Its beauty can only be attracted and not postulated by some imperative manner.
Your self worth is in a blur, caused by a huge devastation of your falling ego. And this is the crucial moment when you make a choice between:
I) Rejuvenate your soul to explore the meaning of Love and gradually move on the advanced and higher study of Love.
II) Reject the lessons presented to seek your own path.
Aquarius, the water bearer, and it make you a natural thinker. In Love, you are intellectually stimulated, but you must guard against degenerative thoughts that is self destructive because you are so mentally influenced/triggered (and your quality being fixed), that negative thoughts affect you far more insidious than the other signs (applicable Gemini and Libra as well).
P.S: I was once at this cross road of life, to become a fcuking player or to become what I am now. I took the latter road and there are several personal reasons why I did so. Still, it didn't banish the fact that we are all ruled by choices on the kind of attitude we want to adopt in Love.
This is the time to be spiritually enlightened. Explore your religion if you have or if you have none, you could study astrology like myself.
Cheers
I've some problems within and hope to get answers
lets call the gal,gal A
I'm 17 this year,when i was in sec 3,i fell for gal A in my class for mroe than a year
I did everything i could to court her..
I was very chldish in he past
u know,the usual smses and chit chat.giving get well cards and bdae gift
I got rejected continously for more than a year
however,the last straw came when last year she shot straight into my face telling me she dosent like short guys in a scarcastic manner
she too mentioned that I'm shorter than her[she juz got a bf at that time and purpose of me askign was to ask why i didnt stood a chance along]
as far as I know..i'm 1.7 and taller than her
I muz say shes not a bad gal but perhaps all this long courting has made her iritated so she wanted to be blunt
this was around dec2005
[she had an ex b4 and at that time i too was intrested in her but got rejected oso,thats was jan2005]
[her bf had sex with ex b4]
now its mid 2006 and i've given up
I've given up since 3 months back
now i felt happy for her decesion,perhaps i dun feel anything
however,i do see a tremendous change in me...negative
Now,inside me i hate this grudge against gals
a very strong hate[not extreme as in shuning them but holding a grudge against gals bcuz of what gal A have done
Whenever,I someone who i think i'll b intrested,I tell myself not to initial anything with her[eg.trying to get closer]
Also,when other gals tried to express intrests in me,i'll try to ignore and juz let them fade off
it's like i'm hanging on to my ego
In the past,i've tried so hard courting a gal but in the end i got slam striaght in the face and not the mention that her bf had sex with ex's b4
This made me felt unfair that such a bastard is able to get a nice gal
now of corse this whole experiences has made me grow
but the growth stem from the bitterness and hatred towards the opposite gender which has made me realise how unfair this world is
Now,i'm juz someone who dosent want to get into a relationship[suppose i'm intrested in another gal] bcuz of what have happen and a guy who places material and acheivement in utmost importance
whenever i thought
of courting another gal,my pride comes into the pic and then i'll juz tell myself this is juz another abc relationship that'll juz eventually not work out juz lyk what happen to most other ppl
Of course the feeling of beign is love is honey
but the state i'm in and my past seem to forbade me from getting to know other gals on a relationship level
what i'm seekign here is not the'since she dun like u,move on'
cuz i've already mvoe on but it comes with the negative changes
I'm no longer the childish kid who laugh all day but one whos mature to a leve of placing $ and work b4 play to the extreme[i'm probaly even more mature than her in terms of thinking']
Anyone can tell me whats the reasons regarding the change in me?
i need serious and mature answers
i no longer smile much now and the large circle of friends i have,i only chose some which are worthy and hangout with.
btw I'm aquarius and born on 14/2/89
During this difficult phrase of picking up your broken pieces and moving on, it is almost critical how you handle your emotions and the aftermath of any lessons taught by life because it WILL determine how you will be faring in love and your absolute attitude towards it.
Your ego is blatantly wounded when she rejected your affection by claiming that you were too short for her. It doesn't matter whether you were indeed too short (1.7 is still fine imho), because her words cuts your ego savagely like a mindless zombie. Your mind tried to ward off the incoming attack by installing a psychological defensive mechanism to restore that esteem balance she had greatly decimated.
Your misogynist attitude is a by-product of a piercing rejection which you took it personally. One likely scenario could be; chances are, your friends may have dissuade you from chasing her, but you probably turn on deaf ear until she had to destroy that blinded ego of yours to convey that message directly. If you were to reflect objectively, you would have realise that she might have rejected you, however subtlety it may seemed, but your pressuring love merely brush away that notion.
Your desire to amass materialistic power is a change to rebuilt your self worth. It's a very common transformation in Love (especially man), whenever their self worth is being questioned, regarding their personality or when in Love. Money represent power and because you have failed to secure the object of your affection, somehow, it seemed that you could have 'more power' through 'more money'.
So what if you could own the world but loses your soul?
Love is a free spirit that cannot be bounded by any artificial earthly powers. Its beauty can only be attracted and not postulated by some imperative manner.
Your self worth is in a blur, caused by a huge devastation of your falling ego. And this is the crucial moment when you make a choice between:
I) Rejuvenate your soul to explore the meaning of Love and gradually move on the advanced and higher study of Love.
II) Reject the lessons presented to seek your own path.
Aquarius, the water bearer, and it make you a natural thinker. In Love, you are intellectually stimulated, but you must guard against degenerative thoughts that is self destructive because you are so mentally influenced/triggered (and your quality being fixed), that negative thoughts affect you far more insidious than the other signs (applicable Gemini and Libra as well).
P.S: I was once at this cross road of life, to become a fcuking player or to become what I am now. I took the latter road and there are several personal reasons why I did so. Still, it didn't banish the fact that we are all ruled by choices on the kind of attitude we want to adopt in Love.
This is the time to be spiritually enlightened. Explore your religion if you have or if you have none, you could study astrology like myself.
Cheers
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Aunt Agony IV 210506 (Cont. from AA II 210506)
Originally posted by ElvYanE:
first of all, thanks for your reply. you seems professional.. haha
I'm not trying to act as a double of her ex, infact i treat all my gf the same way.. i'm not asking anything in return, i just want them to be happy. Being with her now is a pain, tolerating her anger.. I'm a victim of love, maybe i am blinded.. love is to be played, but not being played by love.. I lost control of this relationship eversince she shown me temper..
I dunno why she keep calling me on the phone, it is because of her boredom? or it is that she needs a free counsellor? or someone to keep her entertained? I dunno the cause.. or maybe she really wants to talk to me so that she can forget about her ex... I'm always so confused.. so senstive about things happening around. She is not giving me faith, no confidence, no encouragement.. Maybe I should make a step back.. draw myself away from this tigress?
Like wat i said earlier, love need time to heal.. give ourself some space to heal.. should i break off with her? or should i stay on, but reduce my commitments on her? I'm on a desperate measures that I might lose her in any seconds..
How to make this relationship possible? I don't want to be her substitute of her ex anymore..
You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers
first of all, thanks for your reply. you seems professional.. haha
I'm not trying to act as a double of her ex, infact i treat all my gf the same way.. i'm not asking anything in return, i just want them to be happy. Being with her now is a pain, tolerating her anger.. I'm a victim of love, maybe i am blinded.. love is to be played, but not being played by love.. I lost control of this relationship eversince she shown me temper..
I dunno why she keep calling me on the phone, it is because of her boredom? or it is that she needs a free counsellor? or someone to keep her entertained? I dunno the cause.. or maybe she really wants to talk to me so that she can forget about her ex... I'm always so confused.. so senstive about things happening around. She is not giving me faith, no confidence, no encouragement.. Maybe I should make a step back.. draw myself away from this tigress?
Like wat i said earlier, love need time to heal.. give ourself some space to heal.. should i break off with her? or should i stay on, but reduce my commitments on her? I'm on a desperate measures that I might lose her in any seconds..
How to make this relationship possible? I don't want to be her substitute of her ex anymore..
You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers
Aunt Agony III 210506
Originally posted by TrU PeAce (^0*)v:
To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone :cry:
OMG! This karmic relationship truly stirs my heart. This incredible woman actually heed CloUdiSm fourth Law - Law of Greater Good - to such foolish extend. She truly understand what love means without the structure of a relationship - someone who gives because of Love and not because of a relationship.
'...Having to Love is to make the other person happy, even if it means you are out of the picture ultimately...'
Sigh.
Your discovery revealed a new truth, but the feelings that is racing through your heart is more of sympathy than love. Should you have any moral conscience, the least you could do to compensate her is to return her the sum of money she had painstakingly earn to repay your bad debts.
Actually this is the few sort of scenario that would stun me and leave me lost if it happens on me. Usually when I reply to AA post, I didn't hesitate to key in my words so much like this post.
Still...
You cannot afford to give her a relationship because decision and fate has made it such a way. It is fated that the situation has turned out to be this way; you have no choice but to live with your decision. Your gambling has COST you a different route in life for if that didn't happen, you would have been happily married long ago.
If you were to choose to pursue a relationship with her, you will create another regret scenario with your current girlfriend and would probably have to live with it for the rest of your life.
You have no win-win solution, you can only make a painful decision of recognising either's affection, suppress your tears and let it roll when you are alone.
Sigh...
Cheers
To make it simple, I had been with this girl for 6 years, and planning to get married. At that time, i always like to gamble soccer. So got 1 day, I lost alot, until I need to borrow money from loan shark...the amount...not to mention, it is near 42K.
In my first 2 months, i have no problem paying the installment, however my colleagues realized I often use the company computer for soccer betting, as a result, i lost my job. The loan shark was extremely harsh, and I cant pay. That point of time, i had a lot of arguement with my galfren. We are engaged, she still have the engagement diamond ring, so i asked her to sell it to pay my debt. Instead, it caused much of arguement, and 3 weeks of heated arguement, she left.
At that point of time, i hated her so much and I cursed her, leaving me when i am in such a trouble, when i needed somebody the most.
4 years past. much had changed. I am a new life. Stead job, quit smoking, not to mention gambling. I am now going happily steady with a gal, going to get marry soon. She was my source of inspiration these few years. I still hate my ex-gal fren until One day....
One day when i was walking down Raffles City, i saw her!!. I really wanted to go over to scold her, ( coz last time no chance, she changed her address and her mobile number, even her workplace). When i was about to open my mouth, i was shocked, she is still wearing my engagement ring. I sacarsitically
asked her, "wah, still wearing my ring". She didnt notice who i was until she turned her head behind. Tears when dripping her eyes. I turned serious, and began to talk to her.
I was shocked to that she
1) is still paying my loan shark money (left back 2000)
2) inform the loan shark not too look for me, if not she will not pay a single cent, becoz she knew i am guy who needs alot of face, from friend and family
3) she never wanted to sell away the engagement ring
She never ask for anything in return. She is turning 29 years old now, still single. She also dun wan to give me her mobile number, only a hotmail address, as she knows i am going to get married soon. ( She saw my ring)
Hate turn into luv and guilt. On that day she left, I luv her so much that it took me 1 year to forget her.
i thought it was my parents who called the police and settle the loan shark case, i didnt know........ Since no one bug me for money...still care meh that time!!!.
Suddenly i feel like going back with her, she had done so much for me and the reason i hate her and to forget about her in the past, is becoming the reason why i should luv her more.
But, BUT, my current galfren also did not do anything wrong to me, and had been supportive to me throughout all these 3 years. How...who should i choose.
I love both of them now, but now i got an extra guilty feeling to my first love. HOW?? i am soo confused...
If u r me, who will u choose? i dun wan to hurt anyone :cry:
OMG! This karmic relationship truly stirs my heart. This incredible woman actually heed CloUdiSm fourth Law - Law of Greater Good - to such foolish extend. She truly understand what love means without the structure of a relationship - someone who gives because of Love and not because of a relationship.
'...Having to Love is to make the other person happy, even if it means you are out of the picture ultimately...'
Sigh.
Your discovery revealed a new truth, but the feelings that is racing through your heart is more of sympathy than love. Should you have any moral conscience, the least you could do to compensate her is to return her the sum of money she had painstakingly earn to repay your bad debts.
Actually this is the few sort of scenario that would stun me and leave me lost if it happens on me. Usually when I reply to AA post, I didn't hesitate to key in my words so much like this post.
Still...
You cannot afford to give her a relationship because decision and fate has made it such a way. It is fated that the situation has turned out to be this way; you have no choice but to live with your decision. Your gambling has COST you a different route in life for if that didn't happen, you would have been happily married long ago.
If you were to choose to pursue a relationship with her, you will create another regret scenario with your current girlfriend and would probably have to live with it for the rest of your life.
You have no win-win solution, you can only make a painful decision of recognising either's affection, suppress your tears and let it roll when you are alone.
Sigh...
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 210506
Originally posted by ElvYanE:
Poly has started..
I known this gal from my class about 5 weeks after sch re-opens. I got her number, her msn on the first week. So, we started as friend, we chatted with each others, in msn, sms, or on phone until late night. We even play online games together, went out for movie, and wake up earlier for breakfast in school.
On the second week, thursday.
I begin to fell in love with her? so i asked her to be my gf. She agrees to it, she seems happy. On the next day, friday, during lesson break we went out together, holding hands, laughing. But when night falls, when we are back home. She begins to be depressed over somethings, so i asked her why.. She say she can't forget her ex-bf. She say it's not fair to me because she still loves her ex-bf. and can't forget about him. So, i was shocked, i have no chioce but to give up. I can't do much, i find it's not fair to me too. So, she tell me about her story with her ex. Telling me the happy time they spend together, that her bf always make her laugh when she was moody, her bf buy her things, her bf send her home, etc.. Conclusion, she asked me to give her some time to forget her ex.. (The reason they break, her bf is unreasonable person, ask her to do things she don't like, ask her to leave her friends, ask her don't talk to other guys, ask her to stay at home, he has bad temper and quarrelled many many times with her, slapped her.. )
It's ok.. the next 2 days is weekend, she is working.. Our relationship no more. But she still calls me up, and talk to me. I volunteer myself to meet her on that saturday night for dinner, i buy her medicine and a tatty bear keychain because she got margain. It was really bad i supposed, the medecine she wants is only prescrible by doctor, so i actually went here and there to find a medicine that has same ingredients but lesser contents. I meet her up at her work place. I volunteer myself to send her home, but she refuses. I asked her a couple of times, until she answered me that her ex is sending her home. Well, Her ex is riding a bike, so people has personal transport but i don't. I can't do much..
On Sunday, she works again. I came look after her after my dinner on mother's day evening. She said she needs another battery for her N70, so i bring her the battery. Given it to her, and then i went off again. I don't mind traveling, taking train and buses but to meet her. I asked her to give me a chance again. Again she agreed, but she asked me to wait and give her some time to accept me again. So, i was cheered up, at least i get to be with her even it takes time.
I didn't give up after waiting a week, I succeed this time. Monday Morning, 15th May 2006 1am, after telling her to be with me and maybe being with me can helps her forget about her ex. She accepted me again.. I was happy..
Wednesday 17th of May, we went out to shopping after school. When she broaded her bus back to her home, i followed in. She was angry with me because I lived at pasir ris and she lives at bishan. It was a distance alway, and she doesn't wants me to go home so late alone. I managed to get to her house with an excuse of doing project. Well, nothing else, we did the project in about 1 hour time. She send me off with a goodbye kiss on my lips.
Thursday 18th of May, I went to her house again.. I send her home taking bus, a long long journey.. Because she was sick, some sore throat and flu. I was so glad that today is the best day throughtout our relationship. We spend quality time with each others, even watching some comedy videos from youtube, I am being satisfied. More passion on today, more kisses. despire her flu can be trasmitted by kissing. I tell her, we sick together, share burden.
Friday 19 th of mAy, It was the most terrible day throughtout our relationship. It was hell, her ex-bf called her during our lesson break at some shopping centers. she became very moody eversince, she shouted at me for nothing. No matter how much I concerned for her she still very extremely moody and angry for nothing. From today, I know her temper is the worst almong everyone i have known. He kept quiet throughtout the whole day, and when she speaks, she shouted at me. I send her home again, because she is moody. I wanted to accompany her. She rejected me, but i insisted to send her home. On the journey back, she tell me that her ex-bf always make her happy when she was moody. I dunno wat i can do to make her happy when she was moody, anyone can englighten me? I make jokes and tried my best to cheer her up, but she is still moody and worst. I keep quiet and let her cool down, but in the end she is angry with me because i never talk to her. When we reaches her home, her ex-bf called, they quarrelled again. She cried, and I can see she is in pain. I took a cab and reached home after midnight today.. She seems ok after i comfront her.
Satuday 20th of May, She shows no interest in having this relationship. She thinks of her ex-bf more than thinking of me. She shouted at me on phone for nothing again. She keep quiet in converstations, i was doing all the talking. we chatted about 5hours+ a day, but everytime we chatted she was doing other things like msn, watching tv, or playing games. Imagine, I am doing all the talking for 5hours.. I dunno what she wants.. I tell her to patch up with her ex-bf, but she say her ex-bf is not the same person she knew anymore and she dun want to patch with him. What can I do? she is 10 times worst than a normal gal having PMS..
Tell me what to do? How to make her happy or cheer her up when she was moody? Tell me how to make her devoted to me? we are together for 1 week alreay.. But she is treating me so coldly, showing no interest, and get so angry and moody most of the time.. I have did almost every good thing a good bf will do for his gf. I can't see her getting hurt from his ex again, but she just can't forget her ex... even how bad her ex treated her. No matter how good i treat her..
Vampire Mode: On
I don't know if you are oblivion to the fact that you are just a mere substitute for her ex. In her world, you represent no unique character as a lover, apart from acting as a double for her ex when situations get fiery between them. Actually I think you do, remotely, thought about that possibility, but somehow it didn't really register inside you.
Every scenario you have posted has something to do with her ex; doesn't it reinforce the fact about this substitute thingy being a reality? All those 'good thingy' you have tried so hard to appease her... basically are the 'standards' her ex-boyfriend would have been, if he was in your shoes. You are living according to HIS STANDARD and not the real you. In fact, I would not be surprised if she were to look at you and the image of her ex appeared at the back of her head.
Why would you want to live in someone else’s shadow and stand forever beneath him?
Cheer her up when she is angry? Even if she is irrational? What kind of fcuk is this? And you actually thought that the problem is you not being humorous enough when she is moody?
Just in case you still didn't know what I wanted to convey; all along, this has been a two player game and your addition is extraneous. This melancholy drama taking place between the woman and her ex has no place for your existence in the first place. You may have fallen in love with her, but apparently the feelings may not be mutual.
If you are telling me that the arguments between them is because her ex refuse to let her move on in life, then by all means go and fcuk her ex or educate her to ignore him for life. But chances are, when you were to confront her ex for making her miserable, you will probably be deemed as the 'trouble-maker' and she screaming the hell of out you as she goes into his embrace and apologising to her ex.
I don't understand why would you prefer to play somebody's role other than yourself in this game of love.
I think if this is not enough to wake you up, than continue to allow her to leech you emotionally. When she had enough, you will be thrown away, like anything else in life. Maybe then you would understand the essence of this post.
Cheers
Poly has started..
I known this gal from my class about 5 weeks after sch re-opens. I got her number, her msn on the first week. So, we started as friend, we chatted with each others, in msn, sms, or on phone until late night. We even play online games together, went out for movie, and wake up earlier for breakfast in school.
On the second week, thursday.
I begin to fell in love with her? so i asked her to be my gf. She agrees to it, she seems happy. On the next day, friday, during lesson break we went out together, holding hands, laughing. But when night falls, when we are back home. She begins to be depressed over somethings, so i asked her why.. She say she can't forget her ex-bf. She say it's not fair to me because she still loves her ex-bf. and can't forget about him. So, i was shocked, i have no chioce but to give up. I can't do much, i find it's not fair to me too. So, she tell me about her story with her ex. Telling me the happy time they spend together, that her bf always make her laugh when she was moody, her bf buy her things, her bf send her home, etc.. Conclusion, she asked me to give her some time to forget her ex.. (The reason they break, her bf is unreasonable person, ask her to do things she don't like, ask her to leave her friends, ask her don't talk to other guys, ask her to stay at home, he has bad temper and quarrelled many many times with her, slapped her.. )
It's ok.. the next 2 days is weekend, she is working.. Our relationship no more. But she still calls me up, and talk to me. I volunteer myself to meet her on that saturday night for dinner, i buy her medicine and a tatty bear keychain because she got margain. It was really bad i supposed, the medecine she wants is only prescrible by doctor, so i actually went here and there to find a medicine that has same ingredients but lesser contents. I meet her up at her work place. I volunteer myself to send her home, but she refuses. I asked her a couple of times, until she answered me that her ex is sending her home. Well, Her ex is riding a bike, so people has personal transport but i don't. I can't do much..
On Sunday, she works again. I came look after her after my dinner on mother's day evening. She said she needs another battery for her N70, so i bring her the battery. Given it to her, and then i went off again. I don't mind traveling, taking train and buses but to meet her. I asked her to give me a chance again. Again she agreed, but she asked me to wait and give her some time to accept me again. So, i was cheered up, at least i get to be with her even it takes time.
I didn't give up after waiting a week, I succeed this time. Monday Morning, 15th May 2006 1am, after telling her to be with me and maybe being with me can helps her forget about her ex. She accepted me again.. I was happy..
Wednesday 17th of May, we went out to shopping after school. When she broaded her bus back to her home, i followed in. She was angry with me because I lived at pasir ris and she lives at bishan. It was a distance alway, and she doesn't wants me to go home so late alone. I managed to get to her house with an excuse of doing project. Well, nothing else, we did the project in about 1 hour time. She send me off with a goodbye kiss on my lips.
Thursday 18th of May, I went to her house again.. I send her home taking bus, a long long journey.. Because she was sick, some sore throat and flu. I was so glad that today is the best day throughtout our relationship. We spend quality time with each others, even watching some comedy videos from youtube, I am being satisfied. More passion on today, more kisses. despire her flu can be trasmitted by kissing. I tell her, we sick together, share burden.
Friday 19 th of mAy, It was the most terrible day throughtout our relationship. It was hell, her ex-bf called her during our lesson break at some shopping centers. she became very moody eversince, she shouted at me for nothing. No matter how much I concerned for her she still very extremely moody and angry for nothing. From today, I know her temper is the worst almong everyone i have known. He kept quiet throughtout the whole day, and when she speaks, she shouted at me. I send her home again, because she is moody. I wanted to accompany her. She rejected me, but i insisted to send her home. On the journey back, she tell me that her ex-bf always make her happy when she was moody. I dunno wat i can do to make her happy when she was moody, anyone can englighten me? I make jokes and tried my best to cheer her up, but she is still moody and worst. I keep quiet and let her cool down, but in the end she is angry with me because i never talk to her. When we reaches her home, her ex-bf called, they quarrelled again. She cried, and I can see she is in pain. I took a cab and reached home after midnight today.. She seems ok after i comfront her.
Satuday 20th of May, She shows no interest in having this relationship. She thinks of her ex-bf more than thinking of me. She shouted at me on phone for nothing again. She keep quiet in converstations, i was doing all the talking. we chatted about 5hours+ a day, but everytime we chatted she was doing other things like msn, watching tv, or playing games. Imagine, I am doing all the talking for 5hours.. I dunno what she wants.. I tell her to patch up with her ex-bf, but she say her ex-bf is not the same person she knew anymore and she dun want to patch with him. What can I do? she is 10 times worst than a normal gal having PMS..
Tell me what to do? How to make her happy or cheer her up when she was moody? Tell me how to make her devoted to me? we are together for 1 week alreay.. But she is treating me so coldly, showing no interest, and get so angry and moody most of the time.. I have did almost every good thing a good bf will do for his gf. I can't see her getting hurt from his ex again, but she just can't forget her ex... even how bad her ex treated her. No matter how good i treat her..
Vampire Mode: On
I don't know if you are oblivion to the fact that you are just a mere substitute for her ex. In her world, you represent no unique character as a lover, apart from acting as a double for her ex when situations get fiery between them. Actually I think you do, remotely, thought about that possibility, but somehow it didn't really register inside you.
Every scenario you have posted has something to do with her ex; doesn't it reinforce the fact about this substitute thingy being a reality? All those 'good thingy' you have tried so hard to appease her... basically are the 'standards' her ex-boyfriend would have been, if he was in your shoes. You are living according to HIS STANDARD and not the real you. In fact, I would not be surprised if she were to look at you and the image of her ex appeared at the back of her head.
Why would you want to live in someone else’s shadow and stand forever beneath him?
Cheer her up when she is angry? Even if she is irrational? What kind of fcuk is this? And you actually thought that the problem is you not being humorous enough when she is moody?
Just in case you still didn't know what I wanted to convey; all along, this has been a two player game and your addition is extraneous. This melancholy drama taking place between the woman and her ex has no place for your existence in the first place. You may have fallen in love with her, but apparently the feelings may not be mutual.
If you are telling me that the arguments between them is because her ex refuse to let her move on in life, then by all means go and fcuk her ex or educate her to ignore him for life. But chances are, when you were to confront her ex for making her miserable, you will probably be deemed as the 'trouble-maker' and she screaming the hell of out you as she goes into his embrace and apologising to her ex.
I don't understand why would you prefer to play somebody's role other than yourself in this game of love.
I think if this is not enough to wake you up, than continue to allow her to leech you emotionally. When she had enough, you will be thrown away, like anything else in life. Maybe then you would understand the essence of this post.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 210506
Originally posted by missy_blurry:
Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share!
You are unstable; your relationship is full of arguments that are emotionally draining. You are tired of a life that is littered with quarrelling that makes no meaning for a relationship to be there in the first place. Guy B is an opportunist and because he is, he is willing to carry the risk of a rebounded target in exchange for a possible relationship with you.
In the end, his risk probably killed him - he failed to instigate you to move on and you realize that his role is definitely that of a substitute.
What happened here is probably the temporal emotional retreat you needed... the essential recess from your intense relationship. You did break up with him, maintain that way for a couple of months before pursuing a new relationship.
The question is: why are you turning your shoulders over and looking back, since you have already made your decision and his as well? The rule of thumb is that if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.
Do you think that a break up with your B would change anything? Maybe that would, if A already has that hidden agenda to use that scenario to stir your deep-seated jealousy.
I would leave two questions in your head to ponder:
(I) How would you rate the compatibility factor with A? You must understand that Love is Love, but compatibility is another consideration altogether. You may Love someone very much, but the truth may be that putting you two together could conjure such intense relationship that it may be a wiser choice NOT to be together.
II) If your relationship is devoid of Love for B, then by all means, cease the relationship. If there is remotely some love and affection for B, learn to release yourself off your past and stand by the decision you have made since you are his girlfriend and this is probably what a girlfriend would do to secure her own relationship's stability. As mentioned above: if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.
In simple, avoid complication that could leave you stranded and lost.
Cheers
Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share!
You are unstable; your relationship is full of arguments that are emotionally draining. You are tired of a life that is littered with quarrelling that makes no meaning for a relationship to be there in the first place. Guy B is an opportunist and because he is, he is willing to carry the risk of a rebounded target in exchange for a possible relationship with you.
In the end, his risk probably killed him - he failed to instigate you to move on and you realize that his role is definitely that of a substitute.
What happened here is probably the temporal emotional retreat you needed... the essential recess from your intense relationship. You did break up with him, maintain that way for a couple of months before pursuing a new relationship.
The question is: why are you turning your shoulders over and looking back, since you have already made your decision and his as well? The rule of thumb is that if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.
Do you think that a break up with your B would change anything? Maybe that would, if A already has that hidden agenda to use that scenario to stir your deep-seated jealousy.
I would leave two questions in your head to ponder:
(I) How would you rate the compatibility factor with A? You must understand that Love is Love, but compatibility is another consideration altogether. You may Love someone very much, but the truth may be that putting you two together could conjure such intense relationship that it may be a wiser choice NOT to be together.
II) If your relationship is devoid of Love for B, then by all means, cease the relationship. If there is remotely some love and affection for B, learn to release yourself off your past and stand by the decision you have made since you are his girlfriend and this is probably what a girlfriend would do to secure her own relationship's stability. As mentioned above: if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.
In simple, avoid complication that could leave you stranded and lost.
Cheers
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Aunt Agony III 200506
Originally posted by sweetevil:
I'm falling into a long distance relationship soon :(
My boyfriend will be going to Australia, most probably UNSW for his degree(3yrs) & honours(1yr) for 4 years.
We've been together for 5 1/2 years if you're curious. Although we've been through rain and storms, we're still very much loving together.
Yes.. We're both very sad but NOT going to let both our emotions obstruct his opportunity to further his studies for the good of our future and for that I'm pretty understanding about it.
Any tips & advices to sustain a long distance relationship? I would also like to hear from anyone who has been in, or currently are in, a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you could comment on how difficult has it been and what you do to keep the relationship going?
Thx a million ;)
I am going to be truthful here:
To pursue a LDR for an estimated four years is a dangerous feat for any relationship. It is high risk and represents an unstable model, unless you two are mentally and emotionally tuned to accept those challenges. And I mean real tuning.
Here's a sad truth: MOST LDR fails.
Not to overly douse you with cold water; the reason why LDR fail is largely because people are using conventional relationship methods to handle LDR (and yours begin from a conventional relationship). They perceive similar standards, needs, methods, wants, desire, etc of a conventional relationship and applied them into LDR.
Obviously when you are not feeling too good emotionally, your bf can't be there for you. Obviously when someone is chasing you, your bf cannot be there to deny his competitor with his presence and the list goes on. People engaging in LDR gradually give in to such vulnerability and in turn, reconsider their relationship, which is why most LDR fails. If you want to accept LDR, you got to truly give and expect nothing in return.
Somewhat like God? You pray to him, but God don't appear to you directly (maybe in your dreams perhaps). You lived on blind faith and believe in him until circumstances make you lose track of that vision.
If you want to accept LDR (especially those more than 1.5 years), you got to have a drastic change of mindset and also a change of lifestyle. All the lovely thingy that is granted to you this 5 1/2 years, will likely, NOT happen meanwhile. When I talk about those lovely thingy, it's all those insignificant thingy, which you never knew it mattered, but when he's gone, you will gradually come to an understanding that it actually matters and make a difference in your relationship.
All those insignificant thingy: e.g. like your bf used to wake you up for work through a telephone call, so as to ensure that you go to work on time. After he's gone, you find yourself being late for work because the phone never rings.
Your bf used to peel those oranges, so that you could eat them. After he's gone, you never touch those oranges because nobody peels them for you.
Know what I mean? People become vulnerable because they long for the 'previous' sort of lifestyle they are so familiar with and this creates instability. They are using the old ways of expectation and methods of doing things to a 'new' sort of relationship.
You will probably need:
I) Lots of blind faith.
II) Lots of drastic changes.
III) Lots of giving and zero receiving.
And lastly, probably no sex (if you have been leading a sexually active life).
P.S: Better to understand how challenging this route is and not delude ourselves, thinking that we-have-been-through-many-thingy-and-we-will-also-surmount-this-difficulty sort of mindset, so that you can better prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically and not succumb to circumstances while leading a LDR. It is difficult and even when you succeeded in maintaining LDR for four years, it is not exactly fulfilling as well. You will probably feel relieve, more than fulfilment in fact.
Cheers
I'm falling into a long distance relationship soon :(
My boyfriend will be going to Australia, most probably UNSW for his degree(3yrs) & honours(1yr) for 4 years.
We've been together for 5 1/2 years if you're curious. Although we've been through rain and storms, we're still very much loving together.
Yes.. We're both very sad but NOT going to let both our emotions obstruct his opportunity to further his studies for the good of our future and for that I'm pretty understanding about it.
Any tips & advices to sustain a long distance relationship? I would also like to hear from anyone who has been in, or currently are in, a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you could comment on how difficult has it been and what you do to keep the relationship going?
Thx a million ;)
I am going to be truthful here:
To pursue a LDR for an estimated four years is a dangerous feat for any relationship. It is high risk and represents an unstable model, unless you two are mentally and emotionally tuned to accept those challenges. And I mean real tuning.
Here's a sad truth: MOST LDR fails.
Not to overly douse you with cold water; the reason why LDR fail is largely because people are using conventional relationship methods to handle LDR (and yours begin from a conventional relationship). They perceive similar standards, needs, methods, wants, desire, etc of a conventional relationship and applied them into LDR.
Obviously when you are not feeling too good emotionally, your bf can't be there for you. Obviously when someone is chasing you, your bf cannot be there to deny his competitor with his presence and the list goes on. People engaging in LDR gradually give in to such vulnerability and in turn, reconsider their relationship, which is why most LDR fails. If you want to accept LDR, you got to truly give and expect nothing in return.
Somewhat like God? You pray to him, but God don't appear to you directly (maybe in your dreams perhaps). You lived on blind faith and believe in him until circumstances make you lose track of that vision.
If you want to accept LDR (especially those more than 1.5 years), you got to have a drastic change of mindset and also a change of lifestyle. All the lovely thingy that is granted to you this 5 1/2 years, will likely, NOT happen meanwhile. When I talk about those lovely thingy, it's all those insignificant thingy, which you never knew it mattered, but when he's gone, you will gradually come to an understanding that it actually matters and make a difference in your relationship.
All those insignificant thingy: e.g. like your bf used to wake you up for work through a telephone call, so as to ensure that you go to work on time. After he's gone, you find yourself being late for work because the phone never rings.
Your bf used to peel those oranges, so that you could eat them. After he's gone, you never touch those oranges because nobody peels them for you.
Know what I mean? People become vulnerable because they long for the 'previous' sort of lifestyle they are so familiar with and this creates instability. They are using the old ways of expectation and methods of doing things to a 'new' sort of relationship.
You will probably need:
I) Lots of blind faith.
II) Lots of drastic changes.
III) Lots of giving and zero receiving.
And lastly, probably no sex (if you have been leading a sexually active life).
P.S: Better to understand how challenging this route is and not delude ourselves, thinking that we-have-been-through-many-thingy-and-we-will-also-surmount-this-difficulty sort of mindset, so that you can better prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically and not succumb to circumstances while leading a LDR. It is difficult and even when you succeeded in maintaining LDR for four years, it is not exactly fulfilling as well. You will probably feel relieve, more than fulfilment in fact.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 200506
Originally posted by Ray87:
i chance upon some psychology article which talks about the motivations in life.
In the article, i learnt that humans have various needs to fulfil and in order to satisfy these needs, human do certain things and behave in a certain way. I was interested to find out more because the content may help me explain a question which has been bothering me. I wanted to know why am i fickle-minded at times though i'm a person who hates people who are fickle-minded.
After reading the article, i understand that sometimes i was motivated to get into a relationship because i feel lonely and wanted companionship. But as soon as i found another direction in life and felt less lonely, i will start to lose interest in dating the gal i like. And so i realised that many times i was motivated to get into a relationship to satisfy my own need, which i think was selfish, because as soon as the need is gone, i lost interest. I'm glad that i have yet hurt any gal deeply because i haven gone into a relationship.
I dun want to feel guilty hurting someone because of my selfish motivation to overcome loneliness(which is transitory), therefore i concluded that getting into a relationship is quite meaningless. I know that there are many fallacies in my argument. So i posted this question and hope that someone can point it out explicitly.
That's why... Love is Mutual and it has to be mutual before it can be fulfilling.
Yes, crudely put, you are into a relationship because of certain needs, but trust me: Love is beyond mere companion. When you are beginning to understand Love, you will see that it is beyond companionship or simply 'someone' to be there (and if you looked closely, that definition sounded more like a good friend, than a BGR). You need to have two separate person with needs and compatibility that complement each other like North and South pole of a magnet, then the relationship makes sense to you.
It has to be mutual... a contact that is willing, by two parties, to be bounded by the webs of love.
You are putting too much 'mental' energy into thinking what Love is, without learning and experiencing what Love means to you. I always say this: there is only so much you can think about Love, the rest is through experience. And experience is gain from bad judgement.
Cheers
i chance upon some psychology article which talks about the motivations in life.
In the article, i learnt that humans have various needs to fulfil and in order to satisfy these needs, human do certain things and behave in a certain way. I was interested to find out more because the content may help me explain a question which has been bothering me. I wanted to know why am i fickle-minded at times though i'm a person who hates people who are fickle-minded.
After reading the article, i understand that sometimes i was motivated to get into a relationship because i feel lonely and wanted companionship. But as soon as i found another direction in life and felt less lonely, i will start to lose interest in dating the gal i like. And so i realised that many times i was motivated to get into a relationship to satisfy my own need, which i think was selfish, because as soon as the need is gone, i lost interest. I'm glad that i have yet hurt any gal deeply because i haven gone into a relationship.
I dun want to feel guilty hurting someone because of my selfish motivation to overcome loneliness(which is transitory), therefore i concluded that getting into a relationship is quite meaningless. I know that there are many fallacies in my argument. So i posted this question and hope that someone can point it out explicitly.
That's why... Love is Mutual and it has to be mutual before it can be fulfilling.
Yes, crudely put, you are into a relationship because of certain needs, but trust me: Love is beyond mere companion. When you are beginning to understand Love, you will see that it is beyond companionship or simply 'someone' to be there (and if you looked closely, that definition sounded more like a good friend, than a BGR). You need to have two separate person with needs and compatibility that complement each other like North and South pole of a magnet, then the relationship makes sense to you.
It has to be mutual... a contact that is willing, by two parties, to be bounded by the webs of love.
You are putting too much 'mental' energy into thinking what Love is, without learning and experiencing what Love means to you. I always say this: there is only so much you can think about Love, the rest is through experience. And experience is gain from bad judgement.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 200506
Originally posted by skyliner_:
I am the silent, strong and independent type. Have anyone like my type feel that their emotion being short-circuited? Sometime i feel so dis-oriented with my own feelings that my head ache... perhaps my brain was trying to block away all my bad past experiences with life and trying to tell myself everythings is all right but nothing is alright at all. i am actually very weak and soft within.
The more i Try to push those thoughts and images away.. the more my head feel like in a bottleneck pressure.. all the 'pushing' in the mind has become automatics cos i have doing it for almost 10years.
I am sad cos i am not affectionate. Too cold, aloof, detached and most people thought i am stuck-up. I am trying to protect myself and themselves. Cos i hurt people unknowingly... my past pains that i can't get over with and has became a part of my own psyche.
i don't feel loved easily or emit simple human warmth or feel there warmth from people. Some behave the way u behave to them accordingly.It like a vicious cycle. i am longing for there human warmth , trying to remember there human warmth feeling.
It is just very hard for me to step out of there zone. To share joy and happiness with others. Sometime it is all about me cos i keep thinking about my problems... i just want to get to knw people @ a deeper basis and people to know me a deeper basis and stop being serious all the time.
Very vehement Saturn-influence in your life.
You are taking everything too personal, which probably fuel your seriousness to the maximum scale. Learn to release yourself from this tight incarcerated emotional jail and relax your soul. You can only allow spring to breeze through your life ONLY if you allow the bitter winter to conclude. It is a trade off - with your constant refusal to grow, move on and to brood on the unnecessary setbacks in life, what sort of 'you' can you envision yourself to be?
Cranky old woman that imprisoned herself to her past?
This is the root of problem - your inability to understand the circumstances of the past that enables you to pursue a better future. Instead, you use circumstances of the past to degenerate your future.
So what if you have hurt someone in the past? Have it occurs to you that it must have happen so that the person you hurt will grow from his injury and you grow from your action? If you do not see life as perpetual learning, you will grow to fear learning. To fear learning is fear to attempt and when you fear to attempt, your mind create 'reasons' to avoid attempting.
In this way, you have failed to extract the exact lesson/s your karmic relationship wants you to comprehend and stagnation follows shortly.
It is OK to explore your soul and view all those unwanted past memories etched into our subconscious. You got to nurse whatever wounds you had previously and not packed them, like boxes, into the back of your mind and pretended that they never exist, for this idealism will shatter when realism slipped into your mind.
Open this 'skeleton in the cupboard' and face your nightmare directly. Challenge them psychologically and reflect upon the things you feared. Your mind may scream a warning as you attempt to retrieve those memories, but seriously, it isn't as bad as you think it would be. Be honest with yourself, with your past and be accepting on what that has happen.
You will come and understand that Love wants to teach you something; tap on higher wisdom to know what is it. Embrace the cosmic lesson and you could liberate yourself from being aloof when you discover new courage to steer you away from negativity and reborn into a better being.
Restore yourself; like Narnia, this winter is too lengthy. Seek to end your torment today.
Cheers
I am the silent, strong and independent type. Have anyone like my type feel that their emotion being short-circuited? Sometime i feel so dis-oriented with my own feelings that my head ache... perhaps my brain was trying to block away all my bad past experiences with life and trying to tell myself everythings is all right but nothing is alright at all. i am actually very weak and soft within.
The more i Try to push those thoughts and images away.. the more my head feel like in a bottleneck pressure.. all the 'pushing' in the mind has become automatics cos i have doing it for almost 10years.
I am sad cos i am not affectionate. Too cold, aloof, detached and most people thought i am stuck-up. I am trying to protect myself and themselves. Cos i hurt people unknowingly... my past pains that i can't get over with and has became a part of my own psyche.
i don't feel loved easily or emit simple human warmth or feel there warmth from people. Some behave the way u behave to them accordingly.It like a vicious cycle. i am longing for there human warmth , trying to remember there human warmth feeling.
It is just very hard for me to step out of there zone. To share joy and happiness with others. Sometime it is all about me cos i keep thinking about my problems... i just want to get to knw people @ a deeper basis and people to know me a deeper basis and stop being serious all the time.
Very vehement Saturn-influence in your life.
You are taking everything too personal, which probably fuel your seriousness to the maximum scale. Learn to release yourself from this tight incarcerated emotional jail and relax your soul. You can only allow spring to breeze through your life ONLY if you allow the bitter winter to conclude. It is a trade off - with your constant refusal to grow, move on and to brood on the unnecessary setbacks in life, what sort of 'you' can you envision yourself to be?
Cranky old woman that imprisoned herself to her past?
This is the root of problem - your inability to understand the circumstances of the past that enables you to pursue a better future. Instead, you use circumstances of the past to degenerate your future.
So what if you have hurt someone in the past? Have it occurs to you that it must have happen so that the person you hurt will grow from his injury and you grow from your action? If you do not see life as perpetual learning, you will grow to fear learning. To fear learning is fear to attempt and when you fear to attempt, your mind create 'reasons' to avoid attempting.
In this way, you have failed to extract the exact lesson/s your karmic relationship wants you to comprehend and stagnation follows shortly.
It is OK to explore your soul and view all those unwanted past memories etched into our subconscious. You got to nurse whatever wounds you had previously and not packed them, like boxes, into the back of your mind and pretended that they never exist, for this idealism will shatter when realism slipped into your mind.
Open this 'skeleton in the cupboard' and face your nightmare directly. Challenge them psychologically and reflect upon the things you feared. Your mind may scream a warning as you attempt to retrieve those memories, but seriously, it isn't as bad as you think it would be. Be honest with yourself, with your past and be accepting on what that has happen.
You will come and understand that Love wants to teach you something; tap on higher wisdom to know what is it. Embrace the cosmic lesson and you could liberate yourself from being aloof when you discover new courage to steer you away from negativity and reborn into a better being.
Restore yourself; like Narnia, this winter is too lengthy. Seek to end your torment today.
Cheers
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Falling Sick
I am falling sick.
Inevitable with the harsh weather.
Man, health is so screwed up.
How I wish I have better constitution to resist the influenza virus.
People are wishing that they can fall ill, seriously... what are they thinking man...
/me swallow some tabs
Hope I can be well enough for Pat's class tomorrow...
Cheers
Inevitable with the harsh weather.
Man, health is so screwed up.
How I wish I have better constitution to resist the influenza virus.
People are wishing that they can fall ill, seriously... what are they thinking man...
/me swallow some tabs
Hope I can be well enough for Pat's class tomorrow...
Cheers
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Aunt Agony 160506
Originally posted by qy_von:
Hi all,
I’ve been with my bf for a year plus and we love each other deeply. Problem is we have nothing in common and I am really bored in the relationship itself.
He doesn’t like to go out on the streets, and if we do hang out, it’d be with his group of friends and their girlfriends, sitting around talking. When I am over his home, he’ll be either on the com or watching repeated shows on SCV.
I have talked to him about this, but to him, it seems like staying home with me is consider spending time together already. But it’s boring me. I don’t mind staying home, but quality time to me includes heart to heart talk, and not just watching some shows on TV all the time.
Sex is an issue too. He comes in less than 15 secs and I am always left unsatisfied and incomplete. I tried to suggest buying vibrator to play around but he said he doesn’t like sex toys. Fingering doesn’t do me much… And even if go second round, by the time he erects again, I have already lost the mood.
He is a very nice guy, and I feel bad for having so many complaints about him. But I don’t know why I am feeling so bored and frustrated in our relationship… I don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to break off…
What can I do?
There are some major compatibility glitches in your relationship - you mentioned that there wasn't anything common to share and enjoy between the two of you: it will gradually brew into some huge squall that is capable of wrecking turmoil into your relationship, for the 'cost' of maintaining this relationship cannot even cover the emotional and physical needs of yours.
When needs are not satisfied, it grows into frustration.
It also seemed to me that your boyfriend has degenerate into a mode, known to CloUdiSm as Overgrown Baby Syndrome. Your boyfriend has conveniently slipped into the role of a boyfriend and expecting the relationship to fly on auto-pilot, without sparing that extra effort to understand you, your underlying needs and this barren relationship. It also seemed to him that as long as you still love him, that's enough. There isn't a pressing need to change any status quo and he sit there like an overgrown toddler, waiting for this relationship to bring 'fruition' and 'result'.
This sort of relationship is more likely in a case when there is adverse difference in lifestyle and where the only common factor is chilling out at home. Spending quiet moments at home is great, but it shouldn't overshadow all activities in a relationship.
As for sex, your man is truly one self absorbed guy. It seemed to me that he is displaying a nonchalant attitude towards you and an abject disdain about anything outside 'his world'. We-can-make-love-but-once-I-am-done-with-mine-this-game-is-finished sort of mindset is extremely anti-seductive. If one is sexually frustrated, infidelity is likely to happen when planetary transit is unfavourable and karma strikes.
I don't think he understands the severity of this issue that could potentially undo this relationship. Love is Love, but compatibility and freewill is outside the boundary of Love. Love can accept, but love cannot deny it from affecting you. And when you are affected beyond redemption, even love cannot save your relationship from sinking into oblivion.
And it becomes 'I love you, but there is no way we could be together...'
It must strike a chord in him that if this continues, it would be the end eventually. Request empathy and understanding as you justify it tactfully, for you don't want to ignite an irrevocable argument. Speak in peace, but maintain your firmness. Remember that a relationship is a game of two; you can't be the one trying to do something, while he sleeps in the courtyard. He must know and you must make him, if not, it's truly good game mate.
Cheers
Hi all,
I’ve been with my bf for a year plus and we love each other deeply. Problem is we have nothing in common and I am really bored in the relationship itself.
He doesn’t like to go out on the streets, and if we do hang out, it’d be with his group of friends and their girlfriends, sitting around talking. When I am over his home, he’ll be either on the com or watching repeated shows on SCV.
I have talked to him about this, but to him, it seems like staying home with me is consider spending time together already. But it’s boring me. I don’t mind staying home, but quality time to me includes heart to heart talk, and not just watching some shows on TV all the time.
Sex is an issue too. He comes in less than 15 secs and I am always left unsatisfied and incomplete. I tried to suggest buying vibrator to play around but he said he doesn’t like sex toys. Fingering doesn’t do me much… And even if go second round, by the time he erects again, I have already lost the mood.
He is a very nice guy, and I feel bad for having so many complaints about him. But I don’t know why I am feeling so bored and frustrated in our relationship… I don’t want to cheat, I don’t want to break off…
What can I do?
There are some major compatibility glitches in your relationship - you mentioned that there wasn't anything common to share and enjoy between the two of you: it will gradually brew into some huge squall that is capable of wrecking turmoil into your relationship, for the 'cost' of maintaining this relationship cannot even cover the emotional and physical needs of yours.
When needs are not satisfied, it grows into frustration.
It also seemed to me that your boyfriend has degenerate into a mode, known to CloUdiSm as Overgrown Baby Syndrome. Your boyfriend has conveniently slipped into the role of a boyfriend and expecting the relationship to fly on auto-pilot, without sparing that extra effort to understand you, your underlying needs and this barren relationship. It also seemed to him that as long as you still love him, that's enough. There isn't a pressing need to change any status quo and he sit there like an overgrown toddler, waiting for this relationship to bring 'fruition' and 'result'.
This sort of relationship is more likely in a case when there is adverse difference in lifestyle and where the only common factor is chilling out at home. Spending quiet moments at home is great, but it shouldn't overshadow all activities in a relationship.
As for sex, your man is truly one self absorbed guy. It seemed to me that he is displaying a nonchalant attitude towards you and an abject disdain about anything outside 'his world'. We-can-make-love-but-once-I-am-done-with-mine-this-game-is-finished sort of mindset is extremely anti-seductive. If one is sexually frustrated, infidelity is likely to happen when planetary transit is unfavourable and karma strikes.
I don't think he understands the severity of this issue that could potentially undo this relationship. Love is Love, but compatibility and freewill is outside the boundary of Love. Love can accept, but love cannot deny it from affecting you. And when you are affected beyond redemption, even love cannot save your relationship from sinking into oblivion.
And it becomes 'I love you, but there is no way we could be together...'
It must strike a chord in him that if this continues, it would be the end eventually. Request empathy and understanding as you justify it tactfully, for you don't want to ignite an irrevocable argument. Speak in peace, but maintain your firmness. Remember that a relationship is a game of two; you can't be the one trying to do something, while he sleeps in the courtyard. He must know and you must make him, if not, it's truly good game mate.
Cheers
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Label Siao
Interestingly, I perpetually wonder what would I want for my wardrobe? (In view of the advent HongKong trip)
Priority listing queue
I) Bape Multi-camo Short Sleeve Shirt (My budget is only $270 SGD)
II) Bape Multi-camo Parka (My budget is below $600 SGD)
III) Black/Indigo or Black Jeans (An example is NBH Crack Savage, but of course, I doubt I have the cash to purchase such pricy thingy. Don't mind going for no brand sort, but it has to fit what I have in mind)
IV) Baby Milo Black Long Sleeve (Not this colour, I am looking for the Autumn/Winter Season last year when they release the black version of this. Budget is about $200 SGD)
V) White Camo Bling, Short Sleeve (If possible, I don't want sweat)
As for shoes, I have recently consumed the drive of 'shoe-buying' into Adi-colour green camo, therefore the urge to get a Bapesta isn't that critical. I don't mind a couple of nice tees in additional to the family of my wardrobe, but I must also consider getting some decent, formal clothings before I ORD, since I have decided to work and own the world (as if... hiak!).
Cheers
Priority listing queue
I) Bape Multi-camo Short Sleeve Shirt (My budget is only $270 SGD)
II) Bape Multi-camo Parka (My budget is below $600 SGD)
III) Black/Indigo or Black Jeans (An example is NBH Crack Savage, but of course, I doubt I have the cash to purchase such pricy thingy. Don't mind going for no brand sort, but it has to fit what I have in mind)
IV) Baby Milo Black Long Sleeve (Not this colour, I am looking for the Autumn/Winter Season last year when they release the black version of this. Budget is about $200 SGD)
V) White Camo Bling, Short Sleeve (If possible, I don't want sweat)
As for shoes, I have recently consumed the drive of 'shoe-buying' into Adi-colour green camo, therefore the urge to get a Bapesta isn't that critical. I don't mind a couple of nice tees in additional to the family of my wardrobe, but I must also consider getting some decent, formal clothings before I ORD, since I have decided to work and own the world (as if... hiak!).
Cheers
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Aunt Agony 110506
Originally posted by lingster:
first time posting..
i have been with my girl for almost 8 months already. i love her lots, and i believe she does too.
there are some problems in our relationship which i have been trying hard to address but with little success. i'm getting so frustrated and i dunnoe what to do.
my gf is 2 years my junior (i'm 20). before our relationship, she had some problems with her then bf and started flirting around with other guys. because of this, she constantly believes that there will be "retribution", and that i will do the same to her. this is despite me telling her that i will never do such a thing due to my love for her, as well as my personal beliefs.
i try my best not to make her feel worried, by not talking to other girls (even close friends), not going out with them and all that. but her jealous streak always seems to appear even when i do nothing wrong! when i suggested that we go on a double date with her best friend (and bf), she accused me several times of liking her best friend.
when at my friend's bdae chalet, a close female friend of mine sat next to me on the bench and talked to me, she also flare up and insisted that she was trying to flirt with me and all.
she will always get angry for no rhyme or reason, and give me silent treatments. she constantly accuses me of liking this girl that girl, when i haven even been in contact with them. her theology is that there is always a possibility, and she's just protectign herself. she has also mention break up several times but we always make up after that when i pacify her. everything that happens is directed towards me whether its my fault or not.
we meet up very occasionally whenever possible, as she is studying and im in the army. however, due to some outfield crap, im on long mc and we were able to spend more time tgt. she insists on being on the phone all the time when we are not tgt physically. i told her before i dont enjoy being on the phone for too long and i believe she understands why. but yesterday she called me so often that i started to feel suffocated as i was unable to do any personal things. when i told her i wanted to watch tv, she flared up and hanged up. i smsed her saying that all i wanted was to watch some tv, and that i should have some personal time to do this kinda things right? she ended up making a big issue out of it and saying many irrelvant things. she even said she doesnt know how to continue the relationship anymore. i told her lets have a cool off period.
i love my gf lots and she does treat me very well when she is not in her "mood". but we are having too many quarrels and im afraid this is going nowhere. i'm so tired of having to pacify her even for things which i didnt do. its happening so often such as once every 2-3 days. what should i do? i tried telling her many times not to get angry or jealous so easily and she always agrees. but it seems that promises are always meant to be broken (actual quote from her).
sorry for such a long post.
She has reinforced her belief so formidably that it creates a self fulfilling prophesy, that's for you to eventually dump her. This 'retribution' is an implanted fear mechanism that is coaxing her to keep an emotional distance away from you. Probably because of her existing love for you – every time when she finds herself becoming emotionally intimate/close to you, this fear is triggered and immediately, some false contexts are taken from reality and justify her self-induced melodrama.
These are illusions spawn to entertain her twisted emotional mindset.
It's beyond logics - it's an emotional defect.
You can probably throw what you got at her and pacify her soul momentarily, but give her few days; she would probably revert back to that original mindset because Venus is afflicted. The beauty of Love has been warped to a form of physical possession and bondage.
MC suggested accepting it - my take is that, you are just suppressing yourself until implosion occurs. And it will definitely occur if things continue along this direction. I am pretty sure that she would probably remain the same, until the advent of some drastic event/s. It's MORE than just changing; it’s about shaping a mindset.... and to alter someone's mindset is an incredibly daunting feat.
If you want to influence someone's mindset, you got to enter her spirit and nurse whatever injury that is fuelling that negativity. Although I hate to say it, but sometimes, aberrant mind games coupled with rhetoric can do wonders for people like her. Because she has made herself a protagonist of a tearful tale, you can go along that 'plot'... then subconsciously seize that position of a 'director' and control that flow of scenarios, thoughts and feelings that is incorporated into her belief.
Her self-made prophesy is as powerful as an impervious fortress. Years of depressing, sick and negative thoughts has conjured millions of ' undead warriors' that would take years to decimate and breach through. Some people remain this way for eternity, because nobody could lead a successful siege and win. And when they failed... they add more ranks to the 'undead warriors', making it even HARDER for the next foolhardy adventurer to attempt.
Forget about surface pacifying - go inside, explore what's wrong and heal them.
Cheers
first time posting..
i have been with my girl for almost 8 months already. i love her lots, and i believe she does too.
there are some problems in our relationship which i have been trying hard to address but with little success. i'm getting so frustrated and i dunnoe what to do.
my gf is 2 years my junior (i'm 20). before our relationship, she had some problems with her then bf and started flirting around with other guys. because of this, she constantly believes that there will be "retribution", and that i will do the same to her. this is despite me telling her that i will never do such a thing due to my love for her, as well as my personal beliefs.
i try my best not to make her feel worried, by not talking to other girls (even close friends), not going out with them and all that. but her jealous streak always seems to appear even when i do nothing wrong! when i suggested that we go on a double date with her best friend (and bf), she accused me several times of liking her best friend.
when at my friend's bdae chalet, a close female friend of mine sat next to me on the bench and talked to me, she also flare up and insisted that she was trying to flirt with me and all.
she will always get angry for no rhyme or reason, and give me silent treatments. she constantly accuses me of liking this girl that girl, when i haven even been in contact with them. her theology is that there is always a possibility, and she's just protectign herself. she has also mention break up several times but we always make up after that when i pacify her. everything that happens is directed towards me whether its my fault or not.
we meet up very occasionally whenever possible, as she is studying and im in the army. however, due to some outfield crap, im on long mc and we were able to spend more time tgt. she insists on being on the phone all the time when we are not tgt physically. i told her before i dont enjoy being on the phone for too long and i believe she understands why. but yesterday she called me so often that i started to feel suffocated as i was unable to do any personal things. when i told her i wanted to watch tv, she flared up and hanged up. i smsed her saying that all i wanted was to watch some tv, and that i should have some personal time to do this kinda things right? she ended up making a big issue out of it and saying many irrelvant things. she even said she doesnt know how to continue the relationship anymore. i told her lets have a cool off period.
i love my gf lots and she does treat me very well when she is not in her "mood". but we are having too many quarrels and im afraid this is going nowhere. i'm so tired of having to pacify her even for things which i didnt do. its happening so often such as once every 2-3 days. what should i do? i tried telling her many times not to get angry or jealous so easily and she always agrees. but it seems that promises are always meant to be broken (actual quote from her).
sorry for such a long post.
She has reinforced her belief so formidably that it creates a self fulfilling prophesy, that's for you to eventually dump her. This 'retribution' is an implanted fear mechanism that is coaxing her to keep an emotional distance away from you. Probably because of her existing love for you – every time when she finds herself becoming emotionally intimate/close to you, this fear is triggered and immediately, some false contexts are taken from reality and justify her self-induced melodrama.
These are illusions spawn to entertain her twisted emotional mindset.
It's beyond logics - it's an emotional defect.
You can probably throw what you got at her and pacify her soul momentarily, but give her few days; she would probably revert back to that original mindset because Venus is afflicted. The beauty of Love has been warped to a form of physical possession and bondage.
MC suggested accepting it - my take is that, you are just suppressing yourself until implosion occurs. And it will definitely occur if things continue along this direction. I am pretty sure that she would probably remain the same, until the advent of some drastic event/s. It's MORE than just changing; it’s about shaping a mindset.... and to alter someone's mindset is an incredibly daunting feat.
If you want to influence someone's mindset, you got to enter her spirit and nurse whatever injury that is fuelling that negativity. Although I hate to say it, but sometimes, aberrant mind games coupled with rhetoric can do wonders for people like her. Because she has made herself a protagonist of a tearful tale, you can go along that 'plot'... then subconsciously seize that position of a 'director' and control that flow of scenarios, thoughts and feelings that is incorporated into her belief.
Her self-made prophesy is as powerful as an impervious fortress. Years of depressing, sick and negative thoughts has conjured millions of ' undead warriors' that would take years to decimate and breach through. Some people remain this way for eternity, because nobody could lead a successful siege and win. And when they failed... they add more ranks to the 'undead warriors', making it even HARDER for the next foolhardy adventurer to attempt.
Forget about surface pacifying - go inside, explore what's wrong and heal them.
Cheers
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Aunt Agony 070506
Originally posted by Patrik:
Happy waiting.
This is my 6th year waiting.
Hate to say this but the years-waiter are usually those waiting because there isn't any alternative ship in sight for them to pursue, thus they simply wait for the sake of waiting.
In fact, they ain't waiting.
It seemed that 'not actively pursuing another partner' has become the definition of wait.
The more years you 'wait', than more 'devoted' you seemed.
Rubbish.
What is the end result you desire?
To be with that particular someone you desire despite the length of time?
If he/she were to accept you, he/she would probably accepted you LONG AGO.
Why is there a need for a lengthy wait? (Calculated wait is NOT aimlessly, lengthy and meaningless wait)
I know of this man who began chasing my friend's mum before she was married, in marriage and after divorce... and still chasing. Finally after eight freaking years, she finally accepted him.
She accepted NOT because of Love.
But because she didn't have much of a choice - she married to security.
P.S: Pursue a relationship that truly meant to be yours and in turn, yours to be proud of.
Cheers
Happy waiting.
This is my 6th year waiting.
Hate to say this but the years-waiter are usually those waiting because there isn't any alternative ship in sight for them to pursue, thus they simply wait for the sake of waiting.
In fact, they ain't waiting.
It seemed that 'not actively pursuing another partner' has become the definition of wait.
The more years you 'wait', than more 'devoted' you seemed.
Rubbish.
What is the end result you desire?
To be with that particular someone you desire despite the length of time?
If he/she were to accept you, he/she would probably accepted you LONG AGO.
Why is there a need for a lengthy wait? (Calculated wait is NOT aimlessly, lengthy and meaningless wait)
I know of this man who began chasing my friend's mum before she was married, in marriage and after divorce... and still chasing. Finally after eight freaking years, she finally accepted him.
She accepted NOT because of Love.
But because she didn't have much of a choice - she married to security.
P.S: Pursue a relationship that truly meant to be yours and in turn, yours to be proud of.
Cheers
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Aunt Agony 060506
Originally posted by hypercurry:
Recently i had a couple of friends who are interested in girls who are already attached to bfs for like 2 years or so... Some times it's the girl who make the initiative to know my friend.
Im just wondering what are the chances of them succeeding in winning the girls over. Does a rocky, insecure relationship result in a easier target for third parties? Anybody with any similar experiences care to share? I presume there are more people who failed than those who succeed... Please share your experiences. Girls, please shed some light for us guys as well. Thanks :)
Actually most of the time, the relationship is unstable itself and not the introduction of a third party.
Then if a third party occurs and shaken the relationship, despite being a strong relationship, it has to be the man/woman who is shaken to allow the relationship to be shaken isn't it?
In the end, it is either the man or the woman who GAVE the relationship up to pursue a different relationship that causes the relationship to fail through freewill.
They chose it that way.
Who is to be blame?
Third party or person who is shaken?
Catalysis by itself has no power to command. Like always: a perfectly satisfied woman cannot be seduced. An unstable relationship is from within: fix what is needed to repair and you don't have to fear.
P.S: When a man/woman desired to break free from their relationship through freewill, they would - with or without a third party.
Because they chose it.
Cheers
Recently i had a couple of friends who are interested in girls who are already attached to bfs for like 2 years or so... Some times it's the girl who make the initiative to know my friend.
Im just wondering what are the chances of them succeeding in winning the girls over. Does a rocky, insecure relationship result in a easier target for third parties? Anybody with any similar experiences care to share? I presume there are more people who failed than those who succeed... Please share your experiences. Girls, please shed some light for us guys as well. Thanks :)
Actually most of the time, the relationship is unstable itself and not the introduction of a third party.
Then if a third party occurs and shaken the relationship, despite being a strong relationship, it has to be the man/woman who is shaken to allow the relationship to be shaken isn't it?
In the end, it is either the man or the woman who GAVE the relationship up to pursue a different relationship that causes the relationship to fail through freewill.
They chose it that way.
Who is to be blame?
Third party or person who is shaken?
Catalysis by itself has no power to command. Like always: a perfectly satisfied woman cannot be seduced. An unstable relationship is from within: fix what is needed to repair and you don't have to fear.
P.S: When a man/woman desired to break free from their relationship through freewill, they would - with or without a third party.
Because they chose it.
Cheers
Monday, May 01, 2006
An open secret?
Wow... the person who wrote this is incredible (political tune). Reminded me of Ray after he has ORDed and 'certain' reputable big company actually low balled him on his salary.
So what if you have gotten your COS? And after your hand shake and word of thanks for your service from CO?
You are on your own to feud for yourself dude... fighting at a 2 years disadvantage with FT and people trying to cut throat on your salary.
Somehow, it seemed better to being a foreigner-coming-here. Afterall, my studies are almost equally subsidize.
I don't believe in monopolizing of power. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Please vote with your eyes open - you can't really trust the media with the truth here.
Disclaimer: I do not belong to any political affliation, so ISD... please forget about checking on me and yes, I have no money, so can forget about court cases. I am just a normal citizen - not elites btw. And this blog is mainly for Aunt Agony, therefore I don't have to register.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 010506 (Continue from AA 29/30-0406)
Originally posted by I-like-flings(m):
huh?? then how? what is the solution??? :cry:
Are you even enlightened to understand that having multiple partners doesn't equate to fulfilment?
If you do understand and desire to cease such relationships, are you even able to upkeep it that way?
Having fark buddies contribute to a playing unevolved mindset - are you even prepare to give them up?
Are you able to see a woman beyond sex? Are you able to date a woman because you are truly in Love and able to separate Love from Lust?
Are you able to gauge a woman based on her compatibility with you and are you able to date a 'right' woman that suits you? (Right as in available woman that doesn't introduce obvious complication).
Are you able to see that having a proper relationship will eventually lead to marriage? You don't have to marry every woman you date, but ultimately are you even afraid of settling down in a monogamy relationship?
Are you prepared for the sai kang in a proper relationship? Will you be running away from problems and return back to your original mode where it is much easier to handle, since there isn't much commitment involved? Are you willing to pay the price that comes with commitment, which you will pay less as your relationship stabilize?
P.S: Get your fundamentals right - all will gradually fall into place.
Cheers
huh?? then how? what is the solution??? :cry:
Are you even enlightened to understand that having multiple partners doesn't equate to fulfilment?
If you do understand and desire to cease such relationships, are you even able to upkeep it that way?
Having fark buddies contribute to a playing unevolved mindset - are you even prepare to give them up?
Are you able to see a woman beyond sex? Are you able to date a woman because you are truly in Love and able to separate Love from Lust?
Are you able to gauge a woman based on her compatibility with you and are you able to date a 'right' woman that suits you? (Right as in available woman that doesn't introduce obvious complication).
Are you able to see that having a proper relationship will eventually lead to marriage? You don't have to marry every woman you date, but ultimately are you even afraid of settling down in a monogamy relationship?
Are you prepared for the sai kang in a proper relationship? Will you be running away from problems and return back to your original mode where it is much easier to handle, since there isn't much commitment involved? Are you willing to pay the price that comes with commitment, which you will pay less as your relationship stabilize?
P.S: Get your fundamentals right - all will gradually fall into place.
Cheers
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