Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:
I agree. I think i am just a pawn that she is playing with. Just don't understand why she do not love me or even care for me. For what I have done, she is just leaving for good. Why can't we maintain as friends? She just left SG without informing me or leave anything for me?
Love is so cruel. Why?
(*Case is based on AA 131205 and AA 131205 II*)
I realized people who love using this statement - love is cruel - possessed that kind of archetype personality that somehow reckon that their life drew divine interest in making things miserable for them or making them 'protagonist' in this 'love serial drama' watched by higher entities.
Some people simply loved to portray themselves as sentimental for the wrong reasons.
It started out as a sexual transaction and now you are lamenting that she doesn't love you? And you still question why she doesn't love you?
Do you even see the irony of your statement? Or do you truly believe that you are sentimental or you want people to think that you are?
***
This is probably a Neptune phenomenon: of men completely luckless with woman dates, ending up in some whorehouse, got intimate with the one drab there and ended up getting emotional over her.
The general sequence in dating is as follows:
Interest > Attraction > Seduction.
In paid sex, it apparently gives you the illusion of being in the seduction stage. The man is empowered when the woman becomes sexually submissive. If he has the money, it seeming remove the need for stirring interest and forging attraction and you still get sex. The new found emotions in these inexperienced men were mistaken as 'approaches' in the dating scene and gradually, the unhealthy obsession transformed itself on subconscious level, seeing the transaction not merely a transaction, but as a 'point of contact' where love will foster from there on.
Don't bite off from than you can chew – there’s nothing else you should do or get involved beyond that of sexual favours you get from her.
Start dating REAL WOMAN. If you are telling me that this is love for you, then start taking REAL ACTION.
Cheers
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Freedom of Expression and Creativity
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence
This will be part of my core belief from now on.
Cheers
Friday, April 27, 2007
Aunt Agony 270407
Originally posted by Scania N113CRB luver:
Greetings ! I've been feeling like this for quite a few days already . Here is what i felt.
My ex GF has a new BF now. Im feeling happy for her, since she found someone whom she really love and its very obvious to me that the guy loves her alot too . I really happy for her.
However , whenever i see her happy being with her BF together , i cant stop myself from thinking about what i had done in the past that hurt her . I felt angry and upset about what i had done to her in the past. I just simply cant forgive myself about what i had done . I keep forcing myself to think that its all in the past and now that she has a nicer BF than me , i should just feel happy for her . But i got really upset whenever i sees her and the memory and images of what i had done just came back all of a sudden . I just keep bugging me.
Why am i feeling this way? :cry:
Your thoughts are regressing; they are considering the 'what if'.
Your mind is telling you 'Hey Scania, if you didn't treat her this way, things might not turn out like that you know?' There might be a little anguish residing in your emotions, as you probably deemed that you are also capable of treating your woman right and shower her with a little bit more love.
But the fact is that more often than not, we won't know what's wrong until we witness dire consequences and regret. Or at times, it's not just some things which you may not have done well.
Perhaps your fate with her has ended and what's left of this seeming 'glorious civilization' is a 'book' inscribed with of all its 'history'. The 'city' is gone no doubt, but what you could do is to study its 'downfall' and see if you create make a bigger and stronger 'civilization' in the future.
Understand what you may not have done well and work to improve upon it the next time round. No point crying out spilled milk as it stagnant our growth. Muster a little courage and strike out.
Cheers
Greetings ! I've been feeling like this for quite a few days already . Here is what i felt.
My ex GF has a new BF now. Im feeling happy for her, since she found someone whom she really love and its very obvious to me that the guy loves her alot too . I really happy for her.
However , whenever i see her happy being with her BF together , i cant stop myself from thinking about what i had done in the past that hurt her . I felt angry and upset about what i had done to her in the past. I just simply cant forgive myself about what i had done . I keep forcing myself to think that its all in the past and now that she has a nicer BF than me , i should just feel happy for her . But i got really upset whenever i sees her and the memory and images of what i had done just came back all of a sudden . I just keep bugging me.
Why am i feeling this way? :cry:
Your thoughts are regressing; they are considering the 'what if'.
Your mind is telling you 'Hey Scania, if you didn't treat her this way, things might not turn out like that you know?' There might be a little anguish residing in your emotions, as you probably deemed that you are also capable of treating your woman right and shower her with a little bit more love.
But the fact is that more often than not, we won't know what's wrong until we witness dire consequences and regret. Or at times, it's not just some things which you may not have done well.
Perhaps your fate with her has ended and what's left of this seeming 'glorious civilization' is a 'book' inscribed with of all its 'history'. The 'city' is gone no doubt, but what you could do is to study its 'downfall' and see if you create make a bigger and stronger 'civilization' in the future.
Understand what you may not have done well and work to improve upon it the next time round. No point crying out spilled milk as it stagnant our growth. Muster a little courage and strike out.
Cheers
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Aunt Agony 230407
Originally posted by Skibi:
Today I bought a book with high expectation. When I open it and discover that I have been cheated, I got angry and throw the book in the cupboard(lucky never tear to pieces). But later I regret because although it is not accurate it still has some use.
Sigh...who has a good solution to control anger? Take deep breath or go outside for a walk?
Go spiritual. That's the only way I know to handle anger.
Our temper is govern by the state of Mars in our natal chart. Everyone has different degree of temper because we all have different placing of Mars. When Mars is afflicted (especially by Signs of Aries and Scorpio), our animalistic instinct tends to blow out of control and subjected to the tendency of inflicting 'damage' on things/people to mollify our moods.
Human is but a higher being with a conscious mind. When you loses your conscious self, what's left is the rudimentary animal self that is common to all beings in the animal kingdom.
Then you become an animal.
Damaging your book is nothing - what's worst is when you hurt someone with your temper so badly that the wounds become permanent. You can always buy a new book another day, but you can never piece back a shattered relationship.
I recalled an old case in Aunt Agony, where this guy lost the woman he loved because of his foul temper. His realization only came when he lost her forever. Albeit he vowed to correct his flaws, by going through anger management course and stuff, it's too late to save his relationship, although it's never too late to save himself.
Do you need be like him before you truly evolve?
Go spiritual. Seek advice from your religious leader if you need to. I would also suggest you drop by Borders and purchase a book on anger management.
Cheers
Today I bought a book with high expectation. When I open it and discover that I have been cheated, I got angry and throw the book in the cupboard(lucky never tear to pieces). But later I regret because although it is not accurate it still has some use.
Sigh...who has a good solution to control anger? Take deep breath or go outside for a walk?
Go spiritual. That's the only way I know to handle anger.
Our temper is govern by the state of Mars in our natal chart. Everyone has different degree of temper because we all have different placing of Mars. When Mars is afflicted (especially by Signs of Aries and Scorpio), our animalistic instinct tends to blow out of control and subjected to the tendency of inflicting 'damage' on things/people to mollify our moods.
Human is but a higher being with a conscious mind. When you loses your conscious self, what's left is the rudimentary animal self that is common to all beings in the animal kingdom.
Then you become an animal.
Damaging your book is nothing - what's worst is when you hurt someone with your temper so badly that the wounds become permanent. You can always buy a new book another day, but you can never piece back a shattered relationship.
I recalled an old case in Aunt Agony, where this guy lost the woman he loved because of his foul temper. His realization only came when he lost her forever. Albeit he vowed to correct his flaws, by going through anger management course and stuff, it's too late to save his relationship, although it's never too late to save himself.
Do you need be like him before you truly evolve?
Go spiritual. Seek advice from your religious leader if you need to. I would also suggest you drop by Borders and purchase a book on anger management.
Cheers
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Aunt Agony 200407
Originally posted by machiko:
I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
CloUdiSm recognised love as a separate entity from a relationship. Love transcends all forms and BGR is merely one dimension of how Love can manifest into. Ironically, the existence of a relationship might not be, though it should have been, a relationship based on unadulterated, altruistic model of love. The higher octave of Venus lies Neptune and that's where the divine power of love perched itself beyond all marked boundaries, incarcerated by previous self doubts, fear and all elements of negative forces and would transform itself into one hell of a formidable force. But the sad truth is that most couples hardly reach there - often slaughtered by realities of life like a doomed infantry amid heavy crossfire.
I wouldn't say finding a good partner is much more important than finding a good formula and equip yourself with the right wisdom to ensure a fulfilling relationship. Everybody have different successful love formulas, but what works for people may not absolutely mean it's the same for you. People always talk about jerks seeming 'winning' the game of love, but I can tell you Mr Nice Guy can also win being Mr Nice Guy - it's only a matter of strategy. I can tell you the factors influencing our fate and destiny in love, in which you could form your own secret equations, based on your personal life and make the best out of things.
As a general rule, the reason why other’s love secret to success may not always be 100% applicable:
i) We all have different but stated amount of cosmic lessons to overcome this lifetime.
ii) We have different and various degrees of karmic bonds with different people, which will trigger off our cosmic lessons in life and reverberate different results based on our freewill (Law of Cause and Effect).
The four elements, also known as Quadruplicity, are the basic unit of life and quoted in CloUdiSm (Elements Of Relationship), it is also the four factors that pervade every love relationship - Fire, Air, Earth and Water. In qualities it refers to Willingness, Communication, Trust and Understanding, but as factors of a relationship:
Fire rules Lifestyles.
Water rules Heartware.
Air rules Communication
Earth rules Material Possession.
Every love is subjected and affected by the theory of Quadruplicity. Theoretically speaking, a lack/concentration of either element would upset the overall balance and harmony of the relationship. But realistically speaking, most relationships have uneven mix of these thingy.
From the effect of Quadruplicity, it will generate two phenomenons - Complementary/Similar effect, but generally a mixture. Similar effect refers to two people with similar qualities/conditions in themselves that spark off reasons of attraction. It promotes harmony, but sameness.
E.g. We both have a liking for sports, sun and the sea.
Complementary effect refers to qualities/conditions in themselves that complements one another that spark off reasons of retention. It promotes conflicts, but higher awareness.
E.g. I am a blur queen and he's more streetwise. But at the same time, I am thrifty while he's a spender.
Going back to answering your question of 'How do we know who is right for us as a partner' - seek for the one with enough similarity to forge attraction, yet not too much to limit mutual exploration and one with enough complementary qualities to compensate, yet not too much to create overwhelming conflicts.
You must go through your baptism of fire to learn about the 'correct equation' needed for you to have a decent, fulfilling relationship. There's only so much you can learn from others and nobody, other than yourself, can give you the best strategy in your game of love.
P.S: Our life calculates the introduction of karmic or benefic bonds based on previous incarnation and current planetary movements. Most of the time, we can't actually prevent the manifestation of our cosmic lessons, but what we can do is to outsmart our cosmic lesson by having the wisdom to learn FASTER than the time it takes for our cosmic lesson to teach.
In school, the most intelligent fellow will probably perform the best. In love, the accolade goes to the one with the highest wisdom.
Cheers
I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
CloUdiSm recognised love as a separate entity from a relationship. Love transcends all forms and BGR is merely one dimension of how Love can manifest into. Ironically, the existence of a relationship might not be, though it should have been, a relationship based on unadulterated, altruistic model of love. The higher octave of Venus lies Neptune and that's where the divine power of love perched itself beyond all marked boundaries, incarcerated by previous self doubts, fear and all elements of negative forces and would transform itself into one hell of a formidable force. But the sad truth is that most couples hardly reach there - often slaughtered by realities of life like a doomed infantry amid heavy crossfire.
I wouldn't say finding a good partner is much more important than finding a good formula and equip yourself with the right wisdom to ensure a fulfilling relationship. Everybody have different successful love formulas, but what works for people may not absolutely mean it's the same for you. People always talk about jerks seeming 'winning' the game of love, but I can tell you Mr Nice Guy can also win being Mr Nice Guy - it's only a matter of strategy. I can tell you the factors influencing our fate and destiny in love, in which you could form your own secret equations, based on your personal life and make the best out of things.
As a general rule, the reason why other’s love secret to success may not always be 100% applicable:
i) We all have different but stated amount of cosmic lessons to overcome this lifetime.
ii) We have different and various degrees of karmic bonds with different people, which will trigger off our cosmic lessons in life and reverberate different results based on our freewill (Law of Cause and Effect).
The four elements, also known as Quadruplicity, are the basic unit of life and quoted in CloUdiSm (Elements Of Relationship), it is also the four factors that pervade every love relationship - Fire, Air, Earth and Water. In qualities it refers to Willingness, Communication, Trust and Understanding, but as factors of a relationship:
Fire rules Lifestyles.
Water rules Heartware.
Air rules Communication
Earth rules Material Possession.
Every love is subjected and affected by the theory of Quadruplicity. Theoretically speaking, a lack/concentration of either element would upset the overall balance and harmony of the relationship. But realistically speaking, most relationships have uneven mix of these thingy.
From the effect of Quadruplicity, it will generate two phenomenons - Complementary/Similar effect, but generally a mixture. Similar effect refers to two people with similar qualities/conditions in themselves that spark off reasons of attraction. It promotes harmony, but sameness.
E.g. We both have a liking for sports, sun and the sea.
Complementary effect refers to qualities/conditions in themselves that complements one another that spark off reasons of retention. It promotes conflicts, but higher awareness.
E.g. I am a blur queen and he's more streetwise. But at the same time, I am thrifty while he's a spender.
Going back to answering your question of 'How do we know who is right for us as a partner' - seek for the one with enough similarity to forge attraction, yet not too much to limit mutual exploration and one with enough complementary qualities to compensate, yet not too much to create overwhelming conflicts.
You must go through your baptism of fire to learn about the 'correct equation' needed for you to have a decent, fulfilling relationship. There's only so much you can learn from others and nobody, other than yourself, can give you the best strategy in your game of love.
P.S: Our life calculates the introduction of karmic or benefic bonds based on previous incarnation and current planetary movements. Most of the time, we can't actually prevent the manifestation of our cosmic lessons, but what we can do is to outsmart our cosmic lesson by having the wisdom to learn FASTER than the time it takes for our cosmic lesson to teach.
In school, the most intelligent fellow will probably perform the best. In love, the accolade goes to the one with the highest wisdom.
Cheers
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Aunt Agony II 180407
Originally posted by chardz:
This is how my stories goes with a girl which i cant forget. The girl which makes a deep cut in my heart.
I knew this girl from my friend 2 years ago, after that we soon began to sms and soon to telephone. Than, we started studying together at a cafe, and after 3 months, i suddenly fall in love with her. How deep is my love towards her, i did not realise it till we broke up. Although we often quarrel, often hearing the word "break up" never once was true, till that day. She's the one who insist of breaking up but because of my patience, soon she decided to give it a try again. This is the wrong steps i made, and soon the sad story continues..
She had done me wrong before, by kissing with other guy during clubbing, but admited wrong and i also forgive her. Falling in love with other guy and admitted, again i forgive her. I never once was angry or thinking of taking revenge to her faulty. I never also once, bring it up to agitate her cause i believe in second chance. I gave her the freedom, which most of us here wouldnt give. I would allow her to go out with other guy 1 on 1 date, although i knew that the guy is interested in her. But cause i believe letting her try outside, before she knew that the one who is beside her is the one who really treasure her. Its sometimes funny that you'll know that by doing this is a risk yet you try it, maybe because you are hoping into a more serious relationship. But what i knew about her, her seriousness with me, her love towards me wasnt really true. Till now i am unable to face the reality that she leave me alone to clear up the trust i built all this years with her. When she said she wanted to leave me cause her feelings is not there anymore, i couldnt believe the fact and decided to check into a more details. Found out that she like another guy, whom she met and went out when i was away overseas. She told me before that she went out with this guy, but cause of my trust and the words she said " i wont like this guy one " i allow her. But who knows she leave me because of this guy. A guy who will love her, will sacrifice everything for her just to make her happy. A guy who is with her for years, when she needed him he'll always there. A guy who trusted her so much, and even though she break her trust again and again, he is willing to forget and forgive just like that. That is what she did to me for a guy who just appear infront of her just like that. Thats why i curse those people who spoil relationship of others. Till now, she is with the guy maybe happily, or maybe sadly. While me? I am running away everyday, sadness, sorrow. She knew that she and the guy will not end up well, but still she wanted to give it a try. I find it really really stupid for doing that. However also found myself so stupid to protect her again and again but she ignored it and take it for granted. Told myself a few times to leave her, maybe she'll learn her lesson one day. But as times goes by, my love towards her become decreasing and soon it'll fade away. But till now, my heart is fully with her. I began to reduce my sleeping hour, cause i hate sleeping as it give me nightmare of her and the guy laughing at me. I am unable to concentrate on anything i do, cause everything i do i will think of her. There was once, my friends asked me if one day she come back to you will you accept her. Till now, i told myself, i will. And i will even love her more and more. I will even do anything for her. I will forgive her and continue loving her.
Maybe sometimes we say that loving something is stupid, being loved by someone is better. I prayed, and asked her back. I dont want to get anything better, i just want her back by my side. I just want to love her.
:(
You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.
You are narcissistic - you’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.
I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.
She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.
Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.
The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.
Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.
She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.
Cheers
This is how my stories goes with a girl which i cant forget. The girl which makes a deep cut in my heart.
I knew this girl from my friend 2 years ago, after that we soon began to sms and soon to telephone. Than, we started studying together at a cafe, and after 3 months, i suddenly fall in love with her. How deep is my love towards her, i did not realise it till we broke up. Although we often quarrel, often hearing the word "break up" never once was true, till that day. She's the one who insist of breaking up but because of my patience, soon she decided to give it a try again. This is the wrong steps i made, and soon the sad story continues..
She had done me wrong before, by kissing with other guy during clubbing, but admited wrong and i also forgive her. Falling in love with other guy and admitted, again i forgive her. I never once was angry or thinking of taking revenge to her faulty. I never also once, bring it up to agitate her cause i believe in second chance. I gave her the freedom, which most of us here wouldnt give. I would allow her to go out with other guy 1 on 1 date, although i knew that the guy is interested in her. But cause i believe letting her try outside, before she knew that the one who is beside her is the one who really treasure her. Its sometimes funny that you'll know that by doing this is a risk yet you try it, maybe because you are hoping into a more serious relationship. But what i knew about her, her seriousness with me, her love towards me wasnt really true. Till now i am unable to face the reality that she leave me alone to clear up the trust i built all this years with her. When she said she wanted to leave me cause her feelings is not there anymore, i couldnt believe the fact and decided to check into a more details. Found out that she like another guy, whom she met and went out when i was away overseas. She told me before that she went out with this guy, but cause of my trust and the words she said " i wont like this guy one " i allow her. But who knows she leave me because of this guy. A guy who will love her, will sacrifice everything for her just to make her happy. A guy who is with her for years, when she needed him he'll always there. A guy who trusted her so much, and even though she break her trust again and again, he is willing to forget and forgive just like that. That is what she did to me for a guy who just appear infront of her just like that. Thats why i curse those people who spoil relationship of others. Till now, she is with the guy maybe happily, or maybe sadly. While me? I am running away everyday, sadness, sorrow. She knew that she and the guy will not end up well, but still she wanted to give it a try. I find it really really stupid for doing that. However also found myself so stupid to protect her again and again but she ignored it and take it for granted. Told myself a few times to leave her, maybe she'll learn her lesson one day. But as times goes by, my love towards her become decreasing and soon it'll fade away. But till now, my heart is fully with her. I began to reduce my sleeping hour, cause i hate sleeping as it give me nightmare of her and the guy laughing at me. I am unable to concentrate on anything i do, cause everything i do i will think of her. There was once, my friends asked me if one day she come back to you will you accept her. Till now, i told myself, i will. And i will even love her more and more. I will even do anything for her. I will forgive her and continue loving her.
Maybe sometimes we say that loving something is stupid, being loved by someone is better. I prayed, and asked her back. I dont want to get anything better, i just want her back by my side. I just want to love her.
:(
You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.
You are narcissistic - you’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.
I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.
She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.
Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.
The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.
Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.
She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 180407
Originally posted by DaExodus:
It all started roughly 8 months ago when my then friend found out that her bf had cheated on her by going out with a girl from Thailand. She initiated the breakup and the bf confessed and thus their relationship ended.
Before that, me and her rushed down to some ulu place where the bastard is working, hoping to confront him but he was nowhere to be found. It was a heartbreaking sight to see her crying in the bus and my heart aches for her. I have always had special attention towards her despite knowing she had a BF, I kept the distance.
Months passed, we got closer together and I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, even skipping school and giving up my CCA to be with her. We eventually became very good friend and I am close to their family as well. Out of the blue, the ex BF came back and want to have a patch.
Well, she hated him and asked him to FXXX OFF but he is rather persistent. Leaving food outside her house, smsing her and want to meet her after her work or at her void deck. I was with her all along and the only correct thing I knew was for her to ignore him. He couldnt stop and it breaks my heart to see her crying again after so many months.
I met with that bastard and told him I would convince her to be just friend with him but he was still under the impression of him having a chance with her. At that point of time, the girl already knew my likings towards her.
Well, the scenario didnt get any better instead the bastard used what he is best at, emotional blackmail. He threatens to kill himself, off his phone and got me and her hurrying all over singapore to find him but at the end he would call her and say he didnt want to die or else he would not be able to see her again.
Den came the letters, reminding her of the fun times they spent together and such. And of cos, I was with her all these while when he did all these stuff.
The hatred in my friend's heart soon subsides and she begin to be less cruel towards him. I thought it was best that I no longer care and just play my part but things went underground pretty soon for them.
She accepted him as a friend but this bastard tells her he gets jealous whenever he sees me with her and my friend, not knowing how to say no would tell him that she is alone when she is with me. I was terribly upset by her lies. I was just right infront of her when she said that. I do not know why she would feel that way after the shit things he did to her. This bastard kept using things like " You never remember the things we did together.." to bait her back. Im so distressed that I have lost count of the times I cried.
Am I right to say that if she doesnt state her stand firm, that bastard would never move on and me and her would never get a chance just to even try? Fellow forumes, tell me what should I do? We are having lots of fun time together and everytime the sms tone came, I cant help but feel sour because 60% it would be the bastard smsing her. She is rather timid and we both agreed that she finds it very hard to be mean.
I asked my close friends for advice, one told me that I have to prove myself to be the better one for her. I am willing to do that, I have prepared letters, like what Noah did to Eillie in the film the notebook. I record down every single day of activities with her and plan to give it to her but her shadow of the ex mades me feel helpless.
I was thinking, since she cant say no directly to the bastard, I would contact him personally but I know I cant say "fxxx off and die".
I do not think that the bastard character would understand the meaning of loving her. I tried the approach of " If you love her, you wan her to be happy" earlier on but he doesnt seem to get it even to the extent of ME asking her to go back to him if she is happy but she doesnt want it.
I have given everything just for a hint of spark in this relationship and I know that we can make it.
It's probably a karmic relationship as she finds difficulties in severing the twisted emotional bonds of her previous love. This man understands her vulnerability and seeks to exploit relentlessly - both psychological reinforcement and classical conditioning of alternate punishments and rewards is just plain devious and effective.
I would classify her under AOS as Drama Queen - people who often find themselves playing the victim subconsciously as it deflects their boredom and introduces 'wild colours' in their otherwise insipid life.
Now I gonna say harsh things that may clash with your personality, ideals or principles, but I want you to consider my words carefully.
***
In your situation, the first thing you ought to learn is to QUIT being (or acting) as a nice guy. If this is the woman you wanna be with, cease acting noble and let love govern your action instead. What's with the 'meeting up with the bastard' with you trying to negotiate for his advantage? Are you trying to line the carpet for your woman to return back to him and celebrate your utter failure which you could have inevitable led yourself into?
I fondly recalled CloUdiSm regarding the theory of Leadership in relationship - And goodness! I read through your entire post and you NOT only allow yourself to wallop in self pity WITH her (which you should have demonstrate strength instead), you accepted whatever plot this man had devised and ended up being a pawn in this game of emotional blackmail and pseudo-attempt-suicide.
I would have laughed my ass off if I was the one advising the OTHER man instead.
You are suppose to lead your woman my dear! And not let her lead you as you absurdly accompany this emotionally unstable woman to some 'wondrous adventures' weaved by her ex-boyfriend' and ended up making both of you miserable. I can understand her being emotionally and psychologically tormented by the man, but you are not her! Surely I should see some WISDOM and COURAGE to alleviate her suffering and teach her to embrace a new direction?
I don't think it's about her living in the shadow of her ex-boyfriend more than YOU living in the shadow of that man, forever beneath his presence.
Dude, if you want to make things work, you got to learn to live the REAL you. Drop diplomatic, politically-correct approaches and all the what’s not that society has somehow taught you. You should have seen my visage when I read all that you have written. Especially spare me the 'asking-her-to-go-back-to-him-if-she-is-happy' because that's totally crap in my opinion. Completely wrong context - probably taken out from a typical movie script and you don't even know what you are saying.
Let me ask you a question objectively: if this happens to your good friend you have no feelings for, would you even ask your good friend to return back to such a guy? In other words, back to hell?
Chances are, you wouldn't. So why the exception for the woman you love?
Sheesh.
Cheers
It all started roughly 8 months ago when my then friend found out that her bf had cheated on her by going out with a girl from Thailand. She initiated the breakup and the bf confessed and thus their relationship ended.
Before that, me and her rushed down to some ulu place where the bastard is working, hoping to confront him but he was nowhere to be found. It was a heartbreaking sight to see her crying in the bus and my heart aches for her. I have always had special attention towards her despite knowing she had a BF, I kept the distance.
Months passed, we got closer together and I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, even skipping school and giving up my CCA to be with her. We eventually became very good friend and I am close to their family as well. Out of the blue, the ex BF came back and want to have a patch.
Well, she hated him and asked him to FXXX OFF but he is rather persistent. Leaving food outside her house, smsing her and want to meet her after her work or at her void deck. I was with her all along and the only correct thing I knew was for her to ignore him. He couldnt stop and it breaks my heart to see her crying again after so many months.
I met with that bastard and told him I would convince her to be just friend with him but he was still under the impression of him having a chance with her. At that point of time, the girl already knew my likings towards her.
Well, the scenario didnt get any better instead the bastard used what he is best at, emotional blackmail. He threatens to kill himself, off his phone and got me and her hurrying all over singapore to find him but at the end he would call her and say he didnt want to die or else he would not be able to see her again.
Den came the letters, reminding her of the fun times they spent together and such. And of cos, I was with her all these while when he did all these stuff.
The hatred in my friend's heart soon subsides and she begin to be less cruel towards him. I thought it was best that I no longer care and just play my part but things went underground pretty soon for them.
She accepted him as a friend but this bastard tells her he gets jealous whenever he sees me with her and my friend, not knowing how to say no would tell him that she is alone when she is with me. I was terribly upset by her lies. I was just right infront of her when she said that. I do not know why she would feel that way after the shit things he did to her. This bastard kept using things like " You never remember the things we did together.." to bait her back. Im so distressed that I have lost count of the times I cried.
Am I right to say that if she doesnt state her stand firm, that bastard would never move on and me and her would never get a chance just to even try? Fellow forumes, tell me what should I do? We are having lots of fun time together and everytime the sms tone came, I cant help but feel sour because 60% it would be the bastard smsing her. She is rather timid and we both agreed that she finds it very hard to be mean.
I asked my close friends for advice, one told me that I have to prove myself to be the better one for her. I am willing to do that, I have prepared letters, like what Noah did to Eillie in the film the notebook. I record down every single day of activities with her and plan to give it to her but her shadow of the ex mades me feel helpless.
I was thinking, since she cant say no directly to the bastard, I would contact him personally but I know I cant say "fxxx off and die".
I do not think that the bastard character would understand the meaning of loving her. I tried the approach of " If you love her, you wan her to be happy" earlier on but he doesnt seem to get it even to the extent of ME asking her to go back to him if she is happy but she doesnt want it.
I have given everything just for a hint of spark in this relationship and I know that we can make it.
It's probably a karmic relationship as she finds difficulties in severing the twisted emotional bonds of her previous love. This man understands her vulnerability and seeks to exploit relentlessly - both psychological reinforcement and classical conditioning of alternate punishments and rewards is just plain devious and effective.
I would classify her under AOS as Drama Queen - people who often find themselves playing the victim subconsciously as it deflects their boredom and introduces 'wild colours' in their otherwise insipid life.
Now I gonna say harsh things that may clash with your personality, ideals or principles, but I want you to consider my words carefully.
***
In your situation, the first thing you ought to learn is to QUIT being (or acting) as a nice guy. If this is the woman you wanna be with, cease acting noble and let love govern your action instead. What's with the 'meeting up with the bastard' with you trying to negotiate for his advantage? Are you trying to line the carpet for your woman to return back to him and celebrate your utter failure which you could have inevitable led yourself into?
I fondly recalled CloUdiSm regarding the theory of Leadership in relationship - And goodness! I read through your entire post and you NOT only allow yourself to wallop in self pity WITH her (which you should have demonstrate strength instead), you accepted whatever plot this man had devised and ended up being a pawn in this game of emotional blackmail and pseudo-attempt-suicide.
I would have laughed my ass off if I was the one advising the OTHER man instead.
You are suppose to lead your woman my dear! And not let her lead you as you absurdly accompany this emotionally unstable woman to some 'wondrous adventures' weaved by her ex-boyfriend' and ended up making both of you miserable. I can understand her being emotionally and psychologically tormented by the man, but you are not her! Surely I should see some WISDOM and COURAGE to alleviate her suffering and teach her to embrace a new direction?
I don't think it's about her living in the shadow of her ex-boyfriend more than YOU living in the shadow of that man, forever beneath his presence.
Dude, if you want to make things work, you got to learn to live the REAL you. Drop diplomatic, politically-correct approaches and all the what’s not that society has somehow taught you. You should have seen my visage when I read all that you have written. Especially spare me the 'asking-her-to-go-back-to-him-if-she-is-happy' because that's totally crap in my opinion. Completely wrong context - probably taken out from a typical movie script and you don't even know what you are saying.
Let me ask you a question objectively: if this happens to your good friend you have no feelings for, would you even ask your good friend to return back to such a guy? In other words, back to hell?
Chances are, you wouldn't. So why the exception for the woman you love?
Sheesh.
Cheers
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A Surprised Gift
My advance birthday present. (Now is still sign of Aries - still damn far from sign of Leo. Don't ask me why; things just happened).
It's the same tee as that one I posted from Hypebeast several moons ago in my blog. =D
I will check out the chomper beanie tomorrow.
Meanwhile, pray hope that Daddy would recover as soon as possible - it's kinda heartwrenching.
Sigh.
Cheers
It's the same tee as that one I posted from Hypebeast several moons ago in my blog. =D
I will check out the chomper beanie tomorrow.
Meanwhile, pray hope that Daddy would recover as soon as possible - it's kinda heartwrenching.
Sigh.
Cheers
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Aunt Agony III 140407 (Continued from AA II 140407)
Originally posted by MarryMe:
wa kao, wise old man. how i wish my english as good as yrs. thanks. I understand but it's easy to listen but hard to do la. everyday i tell myself dun give up. take things easy. but very hard u know. especially when weekend comes. There so many new places coming up in Singapore yet I can't go with someone special. YEt thses places are crowded with loving couples and families. Even want to go overseas holiday also no one to go with. Got a stupid quote say, you are only young once, make full use of it. Seems like my youth will be wasted perhaps whole life also wasted. i dunno what i do to deserve all these.
Then you will always be a ranter for eternity - not someone that initiate and bring forth positive changes in your life.
I don't understand why would you have to 'benchmark' (this is currently the most 'in' word to use) yourself to couples you see on the street? Why does your self worth equate merely to the realms of relationship? You mean without love you are but a worthless piece of trinkets?
I cannot determine your self worth for you; if that's all it takes for you to have a wrapped, debilitated state of self esteem, it would be difficult for you to succeed anything in life. Your defeatist mindset will ruin whatever good work you try to introduce.
I merely posted one reply in your topic and immediately I see you go 'Oh no, cannot... very difficult... no way...' sort of reply-answer.
Not very difficult to see how far you could fare, not just in love, but also in life (as seen clearly in your other post).
Think hard about it.
Cheers
wa kao, wise old man. how i wish my english as good as yrs. thanks. I understand but it's easy to listen but hard to do la. everyday i tell myself dun give up. take things easy. but very hard u know. especially when weekend comes. There so many new places coming up in Singapore yet I can't go with someone special. YEt thses places are crowded with loving couples and families. Even want to go overseas holiday also no one to go with. Got a stupid quote say, you are only young once, make full use of it. Seems like my youth will be wasted perhaps whole life also wasted. i dunno what i do to deserve all these.
Then you will always be a ranter for eternity - not someone that initiate and bring forth positive changes in your life.
I don't understand why would you have to 'benchmark' (this is currently the most 'in' word to use) yourself to couples you see on the street? Why does your self worth equate merely to the realms of relationship? You mean without love you are but a worthless piece of trinkets?
I cannot determine your self worth for you; if that's all it takes for you to have a wrapped, debilitated state of self esteem, it would be difficult for you to succeed anything in life. Your defeatist mindset will ruin whatever good work you try to introduce.
I merely posted one reply in your topic and immediately I see you go 'Oh no, cannot... very difficult... no way...' sort of reply-answer.
Not very difficult to see how far you could fare, not just in love, but also in life (as seen clearly in your other post).
Think hard about it.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 140407
Originally posted by MarryMe:
I'm really afraid. I'm getting older by the day and I am still single. I am so tired of waiting already. I want very much to get married. I do not want to be 50 and visiting the red light district. Yet no matter what I do, I simply cannot get attached. I have tried to "woo" many girls yet everyone of them seems to be waiting for someone better or show lack of interest. What is wrong with you girls? Most either continue further their studies or simply working or always waiting and concentraing on your careers. What is it with the society that everyone is so preoccupied with "success"? Am I not good enough? I am so fed up about life that everyday when I am alone I get so angry with people. Now I am becoming more selfish and cannot be bothered about other pple becos of this. I do not wish to be such a person but it seems like everyone is so selfish. Whatever happen to the good ol' days of love and simplicity? I really hate you girls. Hope you all rot in hell when you are single and old and unwanted. What am I to do? Is it so difficult to get attached?
Glancing at your previous topic and connecting it to this, I can't help but to perceive you as a ranter.
You probably tried to work hard, but met with some dismaying results. From there, you got disgruntled and got rancorously resentful. I don't know how it actually seemed to you, but I don't think your mindset is improving your situation any bits.
You are like a man who gazed into the mirror and had no problem with what you see in the reflection. However, unknown to you, the enigma derive from your blind spots; areas where you can't see it yourself but definitely it's there. Yes, you may twist and turn in all direction hoping to spot the blemishes, but there's only a limit on how much vision a one piece mirror could offer you.
A woman walked by and easily spotted the maculation you failed to see. In your mind eye, you reckoned that you had no noticeable flaws that would fail your attempt in the chase, but obviously, that isn't the case. Rejections follow and gradually you grew bitter. The poison increased in intensity and soon, to protect both the fragile ego and our brittle mind, you had to rationalize it to be the fault of woman.
If you hate woman so much that you wished them 'single and old and unwanted', then why would you 'need' them so much?
Perhaps the fear of loneliness is inflicting you with insanity - you are largely driven by desperation, not maturity, and a terribly lack of wisdom.
Perhaps if you embrace humility and work yourself from within, you might be able to achieve better result.
Cheers
I'm really afraid. I'm getting older by the day and I am still single. I am so tired of waiting already. I want very much to get married. I do not want to be 50 and visiting the red light district. Yet no matter what I do, I simply cannot get attached. I have tried to "woo" many girls yet everyone of them seems to be waiting for someone better or show lack of interest. What is wrong with you girls? Most either continue further their studies or simply working or always waiting and concentraing on your careers. What is it with the society that everyone is so preoccupied with "success"? Am I not good enough? I am so fed up about life that everyday when I am alone I get so angry with people. Now I am becoming more selfish and cannot be bothered about other pple becos of this. I do not wish to be such a person but it seems like everyone is so selfish. Whatever happen to the good ol' days of love and simplicity? I really hate you girls. Hope you all rot in hell when you are single and old and unwanted. What am I to do? Is it so difficult to get attached?
Glancing at your previous topic and connecting it to this, I can't help but to perceive you as a ranter.
You probably tried to work hard, but met with some dismaying results. From there, you got disgruntled and got rancorously resentful. I don't know how it actually seemed to you, but I don't think your mindset is improving your situation any bits.
You are like a man who gazed into the mirror and had no problem with what you see in the reflection. However, unknown to you, the enigma derive from your blind spots; areas where you can't see it yourself but definitely it's there. Yes, you may twist and turn in all direction hoping to spot the blemishes, but there's only a limit on how much vision a one piece mirror could offer you.
A woman walked by and easily spotted the maculation you failed to see. In your mind eye, you reckoned that you had no noticeable flaws that would fail your attempt in the chase, but obviously, that isn't the case. Rejections follow and gradually you grew bitter. The poison increased in intensity and soon, to protect both the fragile ego and our brittle mind, you had to rationalize it to be the fault of woman.
If you hate woman so much that you wished them 'single and old and unwanted', then why would you 'need' them so much?
Perhaps the fear of loneliness is inflicting you with insanity - you are largely driven by desperation, not maturity, and a terribly lack of wisdom.
Perhaps if you embrace humility and work yourself from within, you might be able to achieve better result.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 140407
Originally posted by Nuad:
i have talked to many of my friends, alot of them seem to comment that singapore girls are now very wild, most of them complain that they (s'pore girls) are all now very materialistic, and um "open".
obviously this is generalizing, and i didnt really agree with them. until a few incidents concerning some female friends of mine.
well A , she was my good friend in secondary school, i actually liked A back then, its a ultra cliche liking-my-best-friend story (which was not successful). but i digress
i used to think she was angelic and the perfect girl next door.
its about 4 years later and we still are in contact, but some time last year when i was in camp(ns) for an open house, i was doing some duties when i recieved a call from a mutual friend of ours, he told me he needed to borrow some money, about $500, it was 530 in the morning, i was tired and pissed so i immediately refused. then i asked him why, he told me A was pregnant. his tone was serious, and i immediately squatted down on the ground and was thinking "WHAT!?" or "GAH!" i cant really remember.
well my mind linked it all up, to be pregnant , youd have to have had sex,
IMPOSSIBLE, i thought that was not possible with her, even worse i found out that she had gotten pregnant with an ex boyfriend, after they had broken up some months ago.
well its naive of me to think that she wouldnt have sex, but for me its shocking because i always picture her as the girl in secondary school.
but this may have happened because of lingering feelings with her ex, or so i thought, until oneday i went out with sec school pals for a gathering, i was walking with her in east coast, and she was telling me her escapades in clubs (i shall not elaborate), i was listening bewildered, what had possesed this once sweet girl?
then alchohol came, she started throwing herself at a guy. one of my good friends.
i took some of my friends who were more in contact with her aside, they said when they went clubbing with her once, she was dirty dancing with 2 guys at once, strangers.
and apparently she had went pretty far with that guy she was throwing herself at, at a chalet once held.
i slowly let it sink in, and the image of that girl i had once was destroyed no matter how i wanted to deny it.
so im wondering, are my friends right? are singapore girls like this? this is only one instance i admit, but she was the last i would expect that would be this way.and there i have other female friends like this too, perhaps i am too naive and this is the common thing?
or was i just holding some fantasy of her perfectness too much in my mind?
Beheld her as a woman embodied with angelic quality and perfection, but that's merely your perception. I am dead sure that your 'still-kept-in-contact' is but causal and superficial. Nothing too deep inside.
Chances are, you are not very close to her as well.
And that goes to show that you probably know next to nothing about her inner self, growth, experience and development of four years after graduation from secondary school.
Many things would have happen within this time frame and your perception of her is still the little girl at the age of sixteen. Of course there's much 'impression discrepancy' which you would need to update.
P.S: This has nothing to do with Singaporean Girls. Logically speaking, she cannot represent the entire woman folk as this is another isolated case. You may have a more prudent way of what woman should be and I am sure some woman wouldn't disagree with you, but that doesn't mean that your view is absolute to everyone.
Different people have different cosmic lessons in their life. That's how it always has been and will be.
Cheers
i have talked to many of my friends, alot of them seem to comment that singapore girls are now very wild, most of them complain that they (s'pore girls) are all now very materialistic, and um "open".
obviously this is generalizing, and i didnt really agree with them. until a few incidents concerning some female friends of mine.
well A , she was my good friend in secondary school, i actually liked A back then, its a ultra cliche liking-my-best-friend story (which was not successful). but i digress
i used to think she was angelic and the perfect girl next door.
its about 4 years later and we still are in contact, but some time last year when i was in camp(ns) for an open house, i was doing some duties when i recieved a call from a mutual friend of ours, he told me he needed to borrow some money, about $500, it was 530 in the morning, i was tired and pissed so i immediately refused. then i asked him why, he told me A was pregnant. his tone was serious, and i immediately squatted down on the ground and was thinking "WHAT!?" or "GAH!" i cant really remember.
well my mind linked it all up, to be pregnant , youd have to have had sex,
IMPOSSIBLE, i thought that was not possible with her, even worse i found out that she had gotten pregnant with an ex boyfriend, after they had broken up some months ago.
well its naive of me to think that she wouldnt have sex, but for me its shocking because i always picture her as the girl in secondary school.
but this may have happened because of lingering feelings with her ex, or so i thought, until oneday i went out with sec school pals for a gathering, i was walking with her in east coast, and she was telling me her escapades in clubs (i shall not elaborate), i was listening bewildered, what had possesed this once sweet girl?
then alchohol came, she started throwing herself at a guy. one of my good friends.
i took some of my friends who were more in contact with her aside, they said when they went clubbing with her once, she was dirty dancing with 2 guys at once, strangers.
and apparently she had went pretty far with that guy she was throwing herself at, at a chalet once held.
i slowly let it sink in, and the image of that girl i had once was destroyed no matter how i wanted to deny it.
so im wondering, are my friends right? are singapore girls like this? this is only one instance i admit, but she was the last i would expect that would be this way.and there i have other female friends like this too, perhaps i am too naive and this is the common thing?
or was i just holding some fantasy of her perfectness too much in my mind?
Beheld her as a woman embodied with angelic quality and perfection, but that's merely your perception. I am dead sure that your 'still-kept-in-contact' is but causal and superficial. Nothing too deep inside.
Chances are, you are not very close to her as well.
And that goes to show that you probably know next to nothing about her inner self, growth, experience and development of four years after graduation from secondary school.
Many things would have happen within this time frame and your perception of her is still the little girl at the age of sixteen. Of course there's much 'impression discrepancy' which you would need to update.
P.S: This has nothing to do with Singaporean Girls. Logically speaking, she cannot represent the entire woman folk as this is another isolated case. You may have a more prudent way of what woman should be and I am sure some woman wouldn't disagree with you, but that doesn't mean that your view is absolute to everyone.
Different people have different cosmic lessons in their life. That's how it always has been and will be.
Cheers
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Aunt Agony 110407
Originally posted by themoment86:
eh...here's my story..i had been datin my bf for 3mths..but 1 month ago break le..but then we would still hang out together almost everyday lo...but at that time he is 2timin me..and i knw it..but i dun mind la..becoz of some reason..anyway break le la...but now the prob is..we would go out ma...then can play until kinda wat lo...quite intimate but no kissin etc nia la..cuddle all these all got...then ytd when goin home that time he sms me sayin he felt abit sad and weird becoz of goin different direction...then i was like eh?y would he feel that way?he admit he miss me oso...-.- anybody help? Thanks
What sort of help you do seek if you already did mention that you don't mind being the third party? I seriously doubt anybody gonna support your choice to be a third party, make yourself miserable and ruin those who are involved, including yourself, in this triangular love affair.
If your man is sincere, he would abandon his current relationship to pursue one with you. Apparently, he chose the two timing option because it's non-committed.
Do you consider that as love? Or is it just very convenient way of doing things?
He isn't liable for any responsibility because the 'unwritten clause' in this sub rosa relationship is non-commitment. You are needed when there's a need for you to fill in his emotional chasm created by his current relationship. At the end of the day, he goes back to his woman WHOM he has the burden of responsibility over and you are kept away like a discarded toy.
Is that the way of love you seek?
He employed flippant words to retain your feelings; but does that amount to anything? Yeah, missing you... loving you... and all that typical sweet nothings that an inexperienced woman would fluster in love excitement - has that spur any initiative, actions or plans he has for you since actions speak louder than words and if he does love you, the former would materialise?
Nothing.
It seemed to me that you enjoyed his company and doesn't mind going out with him even that tantamount to be playing with fire.
Perhaps only when the fire sear you badly, would you then deter yourself from such foolishness that doesn't have an end to begin with.
Cheers
eh...here's my story..i had been datin my bf for 3mths..but 1 month ago break le..but then we would still hang out together almost everyday lo...but at that time he is 2timin me..and i knw it..but i dun mind la..becoz of some reason..anyway break le la...but now the prob is..we would go out ma...then can play until kinda wat lo...quite intimate but no kissin etc nia la..cuddle all these all got...then ytd when goin home that time he sms me sayin he felt abit sad and weird becoz of goin different direction...then i was like eh?y would he feel that way?he admit he miss me oso...-.- anybody help? Thanks
What sort of help you do seek if you already did mention that you don't mind being the third party? I seriously doubt anybody gonna support your choice to be a third party, make yourself miserable and ruin those who are involved, including yourself, in this triangular love affair.
If your man is sincere, he would abandon his current relationship to pursue one with you. Apparently, he chose the two timing option because it's non-committed.
Do you consider that as love? Or is it just very convenient way of doing things?
He isn't liable for any responsibility because the 'unwritten clause' in this sub rosa relationship is non-commitment. You are needed when there's a need for you to fill in his emotional chasm created by his current relationship. At the end of the day, he goes back to his woman WHOM he has the burden of responsibility over and you are kept away like a discarded toy.
Is that the way of love you seek?
He employed flippant words to retain your feelings; but does that amount to anything? Yeah, missing you... loving you... and all that typical sweet nothings that an inexperienced woman would fluster in love excitement - has that spur any initiative, actions or plans he has for you since actions speak louder than words and if he does love you, the former would materialise?
Nothing.
It seemed to me that you enjoyed his company and doesn't mind going out with him even that tantamount to be playing with fire.
Perhaps only when the fire sear you badly, would you then deter yourself from such foolishness that doesn't have an end to begin with.
Cheers
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Aunt Agony II 080407
Originally posted by jeraldine!:
Hello, im littlefishtan! (earlier account). I got dumped because....
My bf thinks we are incompatible because im like more academically inclined, physically inclined, musically inclined and artistically inclined than he is.... i feels im trying to outshine him by gaining more knowledge and learning more things.... =(
And also,
Because this was a new year at school, he graduated and hence he wanted me to report mydaily interaction with male friends. So thats what i did, like i told him in detail everyday what i did. Even though i talked about only neutral conversations which classmates would have, he got extremely suspicious abt ppl around me and kept accusing things like
"You like this person right? that person like you right?"
His control tightened. He began to start controlling the way i dressed... like he wanted me to dress horribily when we go out..so no one will look in my direction....
He said he got tired from all 'the problems' (even though they were not really existent as i didnt like anyone else and no one else was interested in me) and hence got tired from facing and fighting all the external threats.
Now just after two weeks of break up, hes dating someone who is in the normal acad stream. =( How? Do you think i still have hope..... I tried to explain all the misudnerstandings but he wont listen....
I dont want to lose him. Hes the very rare type of guy... extremely loyal, decent, helpful, gentlemanly, caring and very filial to his parents......
I need advice badly... should i...
1. Move on
2. Wait for a while, den try again
3. Continue to persuade him to stay
Pls.... advice me on this issue.. Thank you... ='(
You sure all the qualities you have listed in your man is something exclusive only to him and devoid in most other man?
***
Your man is a classic MCP example; brandished with a gnawing inferior complex and expect his woman to be beneath him in all aspects. True enough, typical MCP guys have positive qualities like unwavering loyalty and some 'overly caring' personality (read possessiveness), but they can't comprehend the concept of trust, freedom and power equality.
In fact, as long as certain events are not within their span of control, the suspicion gets into them instantaneously.
It doesn't matter if it was the truth or not - his perceived state of mind is the inexorably truth he so believes in - explaination is merely a red herring. It doesn't matter if your relationship is stable, his wild state of emotions belie fact from friction, listened only to his heart, which has totally been consumed by inferiority complex.
There's no logic in emotions that has been tainted by inferiority; all his actions merely fill in the void that is missing inside his esteem.
How long can you remain in a relationship without trust? If you constantly allow your reasoning of 'he's a very rare type of guy' to misrepresent your stand to remain, then you are probably better off without being with this 'very rare type of guy', because your 'rare guy' brings forth a very 'common disastrous trait' to any relationship.
In that case, 'rare' could he be?
Telling you to DRESS down because he doesn’t want you to attract attention – that’s another typical MCP method of 'ensuring security'. Crap.
If you could find him dating someone else after two weeks of breaking up, I suppose you should also be on your route to find new guys... especially man who could handle woman as his equal and not constantly looking for dumber, lesser woman in all aspects.
His fleeting love also suggested much about the depth of love he has for you.
I think the answer you seek is quite clear.
Cheers
Hello, im littlefishtan! (earlier account). I got dumped because....
My bf thinks we are incompatible because im like more academically inclined, physically inclined, musically inclined and artistically inclined than he is.... i feels im trying to outshine him by gaining more knowledge and learning more things.... =(
And also,
Because this was a new year at school, he graduated and hence he wanted me to report mydaily interaction with male friends. So thats what i did, like i told him in detail everyday what i did. Even though i talked about only neutral conversations which classmates would have, he got extremely suspicious abt ppl around me and kept accusing things like
"You like this person right? that person like you right?"
His control tightened. He began to start controlling the way i dressed... like he wanted me to dress horribily when we go out..so no one will look in my direction....
He said he got tired from all 'the problems' (even though they were not really existent as i didnt like anyone else and no one else was interested in me) and hence got tired from facing and fighting all the external threats.
Now just after two weeks of break up, hes dating someone who is in the normal acad stream. =( How? Do you think i still have hope..... I tried to explain all the misudnerstandings but he wont listen....
I dont want to lose him. Hes the very rare type of guy... extremely loyal, decent, helpful, gentlemanly, caring and very filial to his parents......
I need advice badly... should i...
1. Move on
2. Wait for a while, den try again
3. Continue to persuade him to stay
Pls.... advice me on this issue.. Thank you... ='(
You sure all the qualities you have listed in your man is something exclusive only to him and devoid in most other man?
***
Your man is a classic MCP example; brandished with a gnawing inferior complex and expect his woman to be beneath him in all aspects. True enough, typical MCP guys have positive qualities like unwavering loyalty and some 'overly caring' personality (read possessiveness), but they can't comprehend the concept of trust, freedom and power equality.
In fact, as long as certain events are not within their span of control, the suspicion gets into them instantaneously.
It doesn't matter if it was the truth or not - his perceived state of mind is the inexorably truth he so believes in - explaination is merely a red herring. It doesn't matter if your relationship is stable, his wild state of emotions belie fact from friction, listened only to his heart, which has totally been consumed by inferiority complex.
There's no logic in emotions that has been tainted by inferiority; all his actions merely fill in the void that is missing inside his esteem.
How long can you remain in a relationship without trust? If you constantly allow your reasoning of 'he's a very rare type of guy' to misrepresent your stand to remain, then you are probably better off without being with this 'very rare type of guy', because your 'rare guy' brings forth a very 'common disastrous trait' to any relationship.
In that case, 'rare' could he be?
Telling you to DRESS down because he doesn’t want you to attract attention – that’s another typical MCP method of 'ensuring security'. Crap.
If you could find him dating someone else after two weeks of breaking up, I suppose you should also be on your route to find new guys... especially man who could handle woman as his equal and not constantly looking for dumber, lesser woman in all aspects.
His fleeting love also suggested much about the depth of love he has for you.
I think the answer you seek is quite clear.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 080407
Originally posted by givemeluck:
how do u guys feel when u know u are juz a spare tyre to her ?(she's attached) , or hopelessly continue this short term relationship knowing that one day she will leave u ? i seriously don't know what to do , i cant give up on her at this moment. i tried once to take a step back , but i go back to her again within a few days.
short and sweet(give up) or long and bitter(stay on) ?
There is no point telling yourself to move along if you do not even understand the essence why you have to make that choice. It's like trying do something without truly knowing why you should do it.
It's no surprise that eventually you would saunter back to this pit of suffering.
If you felt strongly that you are nothing but a spare tyre, it's up to your own wisdom to determine if you don't mind being a spare tyre or if you want to grasp hold of yourself and make a wise choice for once.
Telling yourself you can't do it signifies a lack of enlightenment. In my own words, it probably means you have not 'wound' yourself deep enough to see the 'light of the tunnel.'
You mentioned that you are suffering - but why doesn't it substantiate your will to leave her?
P.S: It doesn't matter whether you leave her or not; at the very least, when you are in a relationship, you must be happy leading it. If you are wretched and miserable, I suggest you do something to undo that curse.
Cheers
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Aunt Agony 070407
Originally posted by sadboyboy:
ok... if you have a group of good friends.. so called buddies... then 1 day... u find out 1 of them is trying to snatch yr gf... how will u feel...?? my feeling or so called 6th sense might be wrong... but if one day... u see it with yr own eyes that the fucker comes out of your gf's hse... wad will u do??
for me... i went up... and i use the gave the guy a few punch on the face.. stomach... chest... and i end up being charged... is it fair...?? and my girlfriend is not standing on either our side... wad am i to do??
i was serving NS... and this type of thing have to happen... the feeling is really damn fucking not good... even my buddy in camp wanted to help me beat him up too...
Your ego is trashed completely.
Having to enlist into the military, you abrogated your freedom and personal pride as your officer in charge now holds direct authority over you; like master and slave.
Booking out, hoping to catch a glimpse of your love and at least revel in those precious moments with her, ended up tragically as you probably uncovered details of their clandestine meeting.
Every punches you hurl, signifies a wounded ego trying to salvage whatever mote of manhood that existed prior before this cataclysm falls on you.
Eventually, I hope you realised that you can't force a woman to love you whole heartedly and to remain loyal if she doesn't want to. You can't coerced love out from somebody and if your woman has the intention to cheat you, there is simply no way and nothing you could do to stop her.
It has nothing to do with conscription.
It merely revealed the frailties of your relationship.
Cheers
ok... if you have a group of good friends.. so called buddies... then 1 day... u find out 1 of them is trying to snatch yr gf... how will u feel...?? my feeling or so called 6th sense might be wrong... but if one day... u see it with yr own eyes that the fucker comes out of your gf's hse... wad will u do??
for me... i went up... and i use the gave the guy a few punch on the face.. stomach... chest... and i end up being charged... is it fair...?? and my girlfriend is not standing on either our side... wad am i to do??
i was serving NS... and this type of thing have to happen... the feeling is really damn fucking not good... even my buddy in camp wanted to help me beat him up too...
Your ego is trashed completely.
Having to enlist into the military, you abrogated your freedom and personal pride as your officer in charge now holds direct authority over you; like master and slave.
Booking out, hoping to catch a glimpse of your love and at least revel in those precious moments with her, ended up tragically as you probably uncovered details of their clandestine meeting.
Every punches you hurl, signifies a wounded ego trying to salvage whatever mote of manhood that existed prior before this cataclysm falls on you.
Eventually, I hope you realised that you can't force a woman to love you whole heartedly and to remain loyal if she doesn't want to. You can't coerced love out from somebody and if your woman has the intention to cheat you, there is simply no way and nothing you could do to stop her.
It has nothing to do with conscription.
It merely revealed the frailties of your relationship.
Cheers
Friday, April 06, 2007
Aunt Agony 060407
Originally posted by Moon Pixie:
is love really just a game?
how come people can have so many relationships and then end up with someone whom they say is the love of their life?
what happened to the previous relationships? what did they amount to?
is love not precious?
When you congregate and lump everything together, emotional blockage are bound to occur.
It is precisely thoughts like these that breed depression and stagnation in people's course of direction.
Why would you have to consider your past as a factor into your present and future? If you probe deeper, would that necessarily means you are more 'sentimental' as people might claim?
No.
But surely, I can tell you are more easily vulnerable to depression attack.
There are too much consideration for the mundane.
Each individual carries a tag of 'lesson/s' with them. You accept them into your life, you receive the lesson in return. After the exchange, they are gone. You are now questioning their existence, if there anything more than just the 'lesson' they bring forth.
I say hardly.
You pick a route.
You walk.
If you have to constantly remind yourself why you walk this direction and thought about the 'what if' in another separate direction - you are just making your life miserable.
Life is made in such a way that there isn't a 'Save' and 'Load' option akin to any one player game - it's more like a MMORPG.
Cheers
is love really just a game?
how come people can have so many relationships and then end up with someone whom they say is the love of their life?
what happened to the previous relationships? what did they amount to?
is love not precious?
When you congregate and lump everything together, emotional blockage are bound to occur.
It is precisely thoughts like these that breed depression and stagnation in people's course of direction.
Why would you have to consider your past as a factor into your present and future? If you probe deeper, would that necessarily means you are more 'sentimental' as people might claim?
No.
But surely, I can tell you are more easily vulnerable to depression attack.
There are too much consideration for the mundane.
Each individual carries a tag of 'lesson/s' with them. You accept them into your life, you receive the lesson in return. After the exchange, they are gone. You are now questioning their existence, if there anything more than just the 'lesson' they bring forth.
I say hardly.
You pick a route.
You walk.
If you have to constantly remind yourself why you walk this direction and thought about the 'what if' in another separate direction - you are just making your life miserable.
Life is made in such a way that there isn't a 'Save' and 'Load' option akin to any one player game - it's more like a MMORPG.
Cheers
Thursday, April 05, 2007
The 'Truth' Revealed
I suck it in, and watch how my delicate pride shattered like a piece of worthless trinket... enduring everything emotionally and timely halted my raging anger that threatned to wipe that nonchalant look off her fucking face.
Fortunately, I am emotionally attune to handle all gamut of emotions.
Never had I felt so short changed and worst - DEFAMED in such malicious extend that I could murder the fucking daylight out of that bitch.
The termination bomb dropped on me at about 1540hrs.
I finished my task at about 1600 hrs.
I approached the bitch for a proper explaination on why I was terminated and she told me that I wasn't 'pro-active enough' in her own words. It read slacking, not doing work and not taking initiative'.
I almost said fuck you.
The normal office hours last from 0900 hrs - 1800hrs (standard).
My first day at work, I left the office at 1900hrs.
My second day, I left the office at 2000hrs.
My third day, I left the office at 2030hrs.
And when I was preparing to work late again on my fourth, without a single word of complain, this fuck shit happened to me.
Everyday I came to work 5-10 minutes earlier, just to prepare myself for the day's work.
Because I didn't had banking/investment/finance background, I had 'notes' and made 'notes' comparable to that of any decent textbook. When I had completed my task and ensured that I really had nothing to do, I took those 'notes' out and gone through everything because I felt it's better to understand the entire structure and reasoning of this department and what I am doing.
And ALL these are done not because I was told to do; it came as naturally as anybody in my shoes wanting to be hard working. And there wasn't any credit for me to claim in this and I wasn't looking for any - I just wanted to feel more adequate being in my position knowing, understand and ability to contribute more to my dept.
Cedric told me that on his side, Sally the bitch rant about me not willing to work, use the phone, sms and even said that I don't even want to photocopy and even commented about how mundane it is.
OMFG, I almost screamed on the phone when I heard the last claim.
I swore to the God in heaven that if the claims was true, I would fucking get knock down by the next car that comes in my way. SINCE FUCKING WHEN DID I REJECT OR GAVE ATTITUDE when I was given any task/work? In fact, I did asked if there was more to do because I had none, just that jessica didn't had anything for me.
As for using the phone? I was like HUH? I only replied a few SMS in response, which took me less than 30 second before I switch back working.
AND THEN?
THE FUCKING TRUTH?
SOME EX-WORKER OF FORTIS IS COMING BACK AND SINCE THERE WASN'T ANY POSITION AVAILABLE, SALLY THE QUEEN BITCH DECIDE TO REMOVE ME.
How convenient!
How fucking shrewd!
I wouldn't felt so fucking pissed if she have told me that they have engaged somebody more experienced to take over me. I would have accepted it, although slightly disappointed, but surely I would still move along fine.
This Sally bitch slander the fuck out of gawd-damn life, making heaps of malicious, untrue claims about my weak productivity and bad attitude at work to Winnie, who had no choice but to accept her reasoning and end my contract.
Sally the bitch is so fucking intelligent that I applauded for her ingenious strategy - Fortis had to pay Winnie for my employment and by removing me, it literally kill two birds with one stone. She could get someone else more experienced, yet at the same time, she saved the cost of having to pay Winnie.
So fucking smart - nevermind if she hurl words of lie about me. Nevermind if she accuse me of nothing. As long as it suffice to get me out without having to pay compensation to Winnie, that's how FUCKING LOW she can go.
That's a fucking low blow
YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!
Out of Job
Sometimes, I just can't fucking believe my own luck.
I am out of job once again.... and I am still quite daze from the blast.
ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
CAN I JUST FUCKING BE A PROFESSIONALLY PAID AUNT AGONY JUST TO RESOLVE THIS FUCKING JOB WOE FOR ONCE?
I am out of job once again.... and I am still quite daze from the blast.
ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
CAN I JUST FUCKING BE A PROFESSIONALLY PAID AUNT AGONY JUST TO RESOLVE THIS FUCKING JOB WOE FOR ONCE?
Aunt Agony 050407
Originally posted by ahish:
this story goes back a long way.
1 Male named T
1 Girl named J
1 Girl named Y
all of them are 21 years old, girls are in UNI, guy waiting to go into UNI(bloody ns waste of time)
J and T are together, for years already.
Y and T were classmates in JC.
still following? :
now let's go back to about 4 years ago. All 3 of them were in JC year 1. At that time T and Y were classmates, and T was with a girl(let's call her W). W and T was going on for awhile, until a model competition completely changed W's personality, at least that's what T felt. W became really superficial, materialistic. To make things worse, there's a bugger of a scumbag in W's class that she became close to. Things eventually fell apart, W emigrated to the US and of course, T and W broke up. That was in June.
T was devastated of course, although the anguish took away some of the pain. Maybe he saw it coming, that's why he didn't feel as much pain. He hated W for letting herself grow close to that scumbag, and for allowing herself to change into someone she wasn't anymore. T felt empty, but fortunately he still has good friends around him, and sports to occupy his time with.
This is when Y comes into the picture. As we already knew, Y and T were classmates. They were good friends even when T and W were together. Now that T was single, both of them grew closer. Y accompanied T through all those painful days when he was trying to forget W, soon they were doing almost everything together. Words started to spread that they were an item, judging by the way they were behaving, it's hard to deny. But it was never official.
Days, weeks, months passed. Both of them seemed satisfied with their current status, enjoying each other's company. They were, afterall, happy with the status they were at. Or at least that's what T thought. Y's friends were asking T why wasn't he making his move. T asked himself the same question too, but he wasn't sure if it's a rebound. He wanted to make sure too, that the feelings were mutual. Maybe they were just super good friends? T was not willing to risk destroying the bridge between him and Y, although her friends were telling him not to worry. T opted to wait, maybe awhile more he told himself.
In the end awhile more proved too much. Despite constant hints from Y herself, T still opted to wait. It was a mistake. Eventually, finally, suddenly, one fine day Y told T that her ex has patched up with her, her ex from her secondary school days. She was smiling, i smiled back, wished her luck.. we had that if by 25 we are still alone we'll just marry each other(this joke was some time ago). i said,'good luck and all the best to the 2 of you.. well if it doesn't work out we still can afford to wait till we are 25!' Both of us laughed, but there's sadness in the eyes. I could see it, or maybe Im wrong
Time passed by. The hurt from the days since Y 'left' remained. The wound was deeper than any other. To T, Y was perfect, she had all the qualities that T wanted in a gf. She was nice, sensitive, caring and really really thoughtful.
Soon J came into the picture. J was T's first gf, not really counted, considering out age at that time(sec sch). It was more of puppy love and at that time it ended the way all puppy love relationship ends. Hurt as T was, he welcomed any form of encouragement. J never knew about what happened between T and Y, T never said a thing. To him, the days with Y are just really memorable days that should be kept in the corner of his heart. Time passed, T never recovered from the pain of 'losing' Y, but (fast forward abit) he was willing to give it a try with J since.. well.. J initiated.. For some reason T dived head-in into a new relationship with J, thinking that hey, what didnt work out a few years ago in sec sch could actually work now! It was a nice feeling, for reasons my limited vocabulary can't describe.
To be fair, days with J were awesome. T and J were stuck together 24-7, like siamese twins. Everything they did, everywhere they went, they were together. If not for NS, there won't be any chance of them not seeing each other for more than 1 day! However, they were not without problems. J was a control freak( i know it sounds bad but i don't know how else to put it). T never had time to meet up with his friends/ do things on his own. J wants to see T everyday, wants to make all the decisions, perhaps the closest known example(to T) of a FCP( u know? opposite of MCP) T didn't mind at first, but soon it became obvious that there's no democracy in this relationship. She could do certain things, but T couldn't do the same things because.. to quote.. "i don't like u to do it". T reeeeeeeally didn't mind at first, but of course, he's human after all, there's a limit to how much one could take.
T resorted to telling lies so that he could meet up with his close buddies, his friends, and Y too when she had serious r/n problems. Late nights were common, cause in the day he had to attend to J. How long can T tahan?
3+ years went passed, T and J are still(currently) together. Y had since broken up with that guy 1 and a half years ago. The thing now is this, (long story cut short :cry: ), T STILL thinks about Y all the time, because to him, Y is perfect( as mentioned earlier). They go out on supper dates and stuff occasionally(getting more and more often now), without the knowledge of J of course. J and T nearly broke up because of her character, but on the basis that she's willing to change they patched back. However, there's no improvement. Although T can and will tolerate, T really see no future for the 2 of them. Instead, he loves it every single time when he's out with Y, they are almost just as close as last time. Y haven't changed a bit( in terms of character), T definitely will love it so much to be able to tell Y that he really likes her, if not the presence of J now. J and T's relationship has deteriorated so much, not because of Y but because their characters simply don't match. As much as they are happy together and as much as they REALLY have feelings for each other, T really cannot stand J's FCP nature.. as much as he can tolerate.
T's at a lost now.
*cry*
Choices...
Your first brush of cosmic lesson repulsed your soul so ghastly that your journey in love started going wayward from then onwards. This rancorous taste that lingers in your emotions crystalized into certain perspective-of-hatred which affected your following encounter with other women in your life.
The wounded protagonist healed by his angel; classic case of falling in love in that manner. When gentleness beset harsh reality like myriad of butterflies surrounding one hornet; we often surrender ourselves to such tenderness. We find ourselves easily drawn towards the ones that took good care of us.
You spoke about your need to make sure that this ain't a rebound; but all you need is to make sure that you disinfect every fragment of your past BEFORE you step into a new relationship, that's all that is required of you. If you can be fricken certain that you are not retracing your route even if W begs you to return, why is there a need to stall time? This is not calculated wait, in fact, to me, this deliberate wait probably suggested a subconscious-effect from W when relationship is concerned - probably appear in your mind like 'love-is-fleeting-not substantial-and-needs-a-little-more-observation-because-past-experience-tells-me-that-I-must-play-safe-to-prevent-myself-from-getting-hurt-once-again.
And when she got hooked up by some guy, you started regretting.
Then when J came, immediately, your mind reminded you of your deep regret. It probably goes something like 'Although-pain-is-terrible-but-regrets-are-much-worst'. Therefore, as you can see, you readily accepted J.
Rebound is valid here and the reason why I would say that you are taking J as a substitute for Y is because you have never left your past BEFORE you got onto J. In fact, this 'regret-is-worst-than-pain ideology' became rather strong over time- you even managed to sustain the relationship for three years plus.
How many 'wrong' choices can you afford to make before the lessons become too costly to bear?
Think about it.
Cheers
this story goes back a long way.
1 Male named T
1 Girl named J
1 Girl named Y
all of them are 21 years old, girls are in UNI, guy waiting to go into UNI(bloody ns waste of time)
J and T are together, for years already.
Y and T were classmates in JC.
still following? :
now let's go back to about 4 years ago. All 3 of them were in JC year 1. At that time T and Y were classmates, and T was with a girl(let's call her W). W and T was going on for awhile, until a model competition completely changed W's personality, at least that's what T felt. W became really superficial, materialistic. To make things worse, there's a bugger of a scumbag in W's class that she became close to. Things eventually fell apart, W emigrated to the US and of course, T and W broke up. That was in June.
T was devastated of course, although the anguish took away some of the pain. Maybe he saw it coming, that's why he didn't feel as much pain. He hated W for letting herself grow close to that scumbag, and for allowing herself to change into someone she wasn't anymore. T felt empty, but fortunately he still has good friends around him, and sports to occupy his time with.
This is when Y comes into the picture. As we already knew, Y and T were classmates. They were good friends even when T and W were together. Now that T was single, both of them grew closer. Y accompanied T through all those painful days when he was trying to forget W, soon they were doing almost everything together. Words started to spread that they were an item, judging by the way they were behaving, it's hard to deny. But it was never official.
Days, weeks, months passed. Both of them seemed satisfied with their current status, enjoying each other's company. They were, afterall, happy with the status they were at. Or at least that's what T thought. Y's friends were asking T why wasn't he making his move. T asked himself the same question too, but he wasn't sure if it's a rebound. He wanted to make sure too, that the feelings were mutual. Maybe they were just super good friends? T was not willing to risk destroying the bridge between him and Y, although her friends were telling him not to worry. T opted to wait, maybe awhile more he told himself.
In the end awhile more proved too much. Despite constant hints from Y herself, T still opted to wait. It was a mistake. Eventually, finally, suddenly, one fine day Y told T that her ex has patched up with her, her ex from her secondary school days. She was smiling, i smiled back, wished her luck.. we had that if by 25 we are still alone we'll just marry each other(this joke was some time ago). i said,'good luck and all the best to the 2 of you.. well if it doesn't work out we still can afford to wait till we are 25!' Both of us laughed, but there's sadness in the eyes. I could see it, or maybe Im wrong
Time passed by. The hurt from the days since Y 'left' remained. The wound was deeper than any other. To T, Y was perfect, she had all the qualities that T wanted in a gf. She was nice, sensitive, caring and really really thoughtful.
Soon J came into the picture. J was T's first gf, not really counted, considering out age at that time(sec sch). It was more of puppy love and at that time it ended the way all puppy love relationship ends. Hurt as T was, he welcomed any form of encouragement. J never knew about what happened between T and Y, T never said a thing. To him, the days with Y are just really memorable days that should be kept in the corner of his heart. Time passed, T never recovered from the pain of 'losing' Y, but (fast forward abit) he was willing to give it a try with J since.. well.. J initiated.. For some reason T dived head-in into a new relationship with J, thinking that hey, what didnt work out a few years ago in sec sch could actually work now! It was a nice feeling, for reasons my limited vocabulary can't describe.
To be fair, days with J were awesome. T and J were stuck together 24-7, like siamese twins. Everything they did, everywhere they went, they were together. If not for NS, there won't be any chance of them not seeing each other for more than 1 day! However, they were not without problems. J was a control freak( i know it sounds bad but i don't know how else to put it). T never had time to meet up with his friends/ do things on his own. J wants to see T everyday, wants to make all the decisions, perhaps the closest known example(to T) of a FCP( u know? opposite of MCP) T didn't mind at first, but soon it became obvious that there's no democracy in this relationship. She could do certain things, but T couldn't do the same things because.. to quote.. "i don't like u to do it". T reeeeeeeally didn't mind at first, but of course, he's human after all, there's a limit to how much one could take.
T resorted to telling lies so that he could meet up with his close buddies, his friends, and Y too when she had serious r/n problems. Late nights were common, cause in the day he had to attend to J. How long can T tahan?
3+ years went passed, T and J are still(currently) together. Y had since broken up with that guy 1 and a half years ago. The thing now is this, (long story cut short :cry: ), T STILL thinks about Y all the time, because to him, Y is perfect( as mentioned earlier). They go out on supper dates and stuff occasionally(getting more and more often now), without the knowledge of J of course. J and T nearly broke up because of her character, but on the basis that she's willing to change they patched back. However, there's no improvement. Although T can and will tolerate, T really see no future for the 2 of them. Instead, he loves it every single time when he's out with Y, they are almost just as close as last time. Y haven't changed a bit( in terms of character), T definitely will love it so much to be able to tell Y that he really likes her, if not the presence of J now. J and T's relationship has deteriorated so much, not because of Y but because their characters simply don't match. As much as they are happy together and as much as they REALLY have feelings for each other, T really cannot stand J's FCP nature.. as much as he can tolerate.
T's at a lost now.
*cry*
Choices...
Your first brush of cosmic lesson repulsed your soul so ghastly that your journey in love started going wayward from then onwards. This rancorous taste that lingers in your emotions crystalized into certain perspective-of-hatred which affected your following encounter with other women in your life.
The wounded protagonist healed by his angel; classic case of falling in love in that manner. When gentleness beset harsh reality like myriad of butterflies surrounding one hornet; we often surrender ourselves to such tenderness. We find ourselves easily drawn towards the ones that took good care of us.
You spoke about your need to make sure that this ain't a rebound; but all you need is to make sure that you disinfect every fragment of your past BEFORE you step into a new relationship, that's all that is required of you. If you can be fricken certain that you are not retracing your route even if W begs you to return, why is there a need to stall time? This is not calculated wait, in fact, to me, this deliberate wait probably suggested a subconscious-effect from W when relationship is concerned - probably appear in your mind like 'love-is-fleeting-not substantial-and-needs-a-little-more-observation-because-past-experience-tells-me-that-I-must-play-safe-to-prevent-myself-from-getting-hurt-once-again.
And when she got hooked up by some guy, you started regretting.
Then when J came, immediately, your mind reminded you of your deep regret. It probably goes something like 'Although-pain-is-terrible-but-regrets-are-much-worst'. Therefore, as you can see, you readily accepted J.
Rebound is valid here and the reason why I would say that you are taking J as a substitute for Y is because you have never left your past BEFORE you got onto J. In fact, this 'regret-is-worst-than-pain ideology' became rather strong over time- you even managed to sustain the relationship for three years plus.
How many 'wrong' choices can you afford to make before the lessons become too costly to bear?
Think about it.
Cheers
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Aunt Agony 040407
Originally posted by sad&depress:
i have been with this girl for ard 6 months...and 3 weeks ago we broke off for some reason...it was only till then that i realised that i really love her deeply...i have never really treated her very well...but she has been always very accomodating to me..and even change herself for me...but when i realised that it was already too late...
i have decided to get her back and promised myself to never ever make her unhappy again. She told me alot of things after the breakup..that she still like me very much and care for me...however there is also another guy who treated her very well whenever i was not ard when we were still together. She even told me that her heart still got me and that i have a chance to chase her back...but this time round i will not be the priority anymore...i tried very hard to please her out of my true feelings till that day she confessed to me that she also like the other guy...but she is saying things like she still like me more than the other guy...she say that she needs time and wanted to clear her mind 1st and pull herself away from liking me to get to know me again, then when she is clear then she will decide. there are also other things she mentioned which are too hurtful to say.
now i only wants her to be happy as i still love her very much...although deep in my heart i still hope that she will one day return back to me...even though that day never comes and she is happy i will be satisfied.
i tried my best in many ways to touch her but she kept insisting me to be back to my normal self as this is not the true me last time...i did many things that i never did last time...and she say she can't accept it and need time as she like to remain single. but at the same time...she is giving priority to that guy she likes as well..i have tried once to ask her out but she say she is waiting for the guy to come find her and will confirm with me again...i feel very hurt...after that she say she will go out with the guy and if i want i can wait for her after that. i did waited for her after that and we went out with me trying my very best to hide my depression. thereafter she told me that i dun need to do so much things for and i should just stay as normal.
everytime when i wanted to give up she pull me back in...like she will suddenly called me up despite after saying those hurtful things to me the day after and ask me to accompany to certain places...but when i tried to step further in by expressing my true feelings...she push me off and told me not to do this as it is scaring her and she would like to remain single and decides when the right time comes.
if she is trying to pull herself from liking me and get to know me all over..wouldn't it be saying that once she dun like me she will developed greater feelings for that guy and be with him?
Why she dun want to just tell me the truth?
she mentioned things like im not my true self...but in fact it is...i have trying to hide my feelings from her when we were still together..but why she dun believe?
sorry long paragraphs..i have only few people that i can talk to...and im feeling very depress and it really hurt me..most of all i am feeling confused on what she wants..im juz trying to prove that she really meant alot to me and i really love her.
i know i dun deserve her for not tresuring her when she is with me and only realised how much she meant to me when she left...but i dunno what i should do...and its really bothering me...i cant sleep every night and can only depends on alchohol by drinking myself to sleep alone...i can no longer concentrade in my work....every secs i have been thinking of her and hoping that she will come back...but i just dunno..i keep telling myself that i give up now i will regret for life..and that if i tried for a long time but still fails at least i did my best.
im really confused why is she telling me i still got chance and like me...as well as she is pulling herself out..and that almost everyday meeting the guy..but says she will not choose who and needs time to clear her mind 1st. im afraid that one day i really couldn't take it and break down totally when she finally decided and tell me that im not the one
Your nonchalant attitude towards love ricochet an incessant pain that will probably haunt you a lifetime.
A change is only a transitory change if it is driven by desperation and not wisdom. Deep inside you, you desire her return and whatever changes you have introduced is merely fueled by the fear of lost and sheer desperation. Such are usually short term measures to appease current plight.
Evolving happens with or without her presence; she may be the catalysis to spark changes, but certainly she cannot be the absolute reason in order to maintain the 'new' you. If losing her doesn't make you a better mate in the future, or at least learn to handle your woman with love and respect, you are just the same crook in different clothing, being arrested for the same crime.
Cheers
i have been with this girl for ard 6 months...and 3 weeks ago we broke off for some reason...it was only till then that i realised that i really love her deeply...i have never really treated her very well...but she has been always very accomodating to me..and even change herself for me...but when i realised that it was already too late...
i have decided to get her back and promised myself to never ever make her unhappy again. She told me alot of things after the breakup..that she still like me very much and care for me...however there is also another guy who treated her very well whenever i was not ard when we were still together. She even told me that her heart still got me and that i have a chance to chase her back...but this time round i will not be the priority anymore...i tried very hard to please her out of my true feelings till that day she confessed to me that she also like the other guy...but she is saying things like she still like me more than the other guy...she say that she needs time and wanted to clear her mind 1st and pull herself away from liking me to get to know me again, then when she is clear then she will decide. there are also other things she mentioned which are too hurtful to say.
now i only wants her to be happy as i still love her very much...although deep in my heart i still hope that she will one day return back to me...even though that day never comes and she is happy i will be satisfied.
i tried my best in many ways to touch her but she kept insisting me to be back to my normal self as this is not the true me last time...i did many things that i never did last time...and she say she can't accept it and need time as she like to remain single. but at the same time...she is giving priority to that guy she likes as well..i have tried once to ask her out but she say she is waiting for the guy to come find her and will confirm with me again...i feel very hurt...after that she say she will go out with the guy and if i want i can wait for her after that. i did waited for her after that and we went out with me trying my very best to hide my depression. thereafter she told me that i dun need to do so much things for and i should just stay as normal.
everytime when i wanted to give up she pull me back in...like she will suddenly called me up despite after saying those hurtful things to me the day after and ask me to accompany to certain places...but when i tried to step further in by expressing my true feelings...she push me off and told me not to do this as it is scaring her and she would like to remain single and decides when the right time comes.
if she is trying to pull herself from liking me and get to know me all over..wouldn't it be saying that once she dun like me she will developed greater feelings for that guy and be with him?
Why she dun want to just tell me the truth?
she mentioned things like im not my true self...but in fact it is...i have trying to hide my feelings from her when we were still together..but why she dun believe?
sorry long paragraphs..i have only few people that i can talk to...and im feeling very depress and it really hurt me..most of all i am feeling confused on what she wants..im juz trying to prove that she really meant alot to me and i really love her.
i know i dun deserve her for not tresuring her when she is with me and only realised how much she meant to me when she left...but i dunno what i should do...and its really bothering me...i cant sleep every night and can only depends on alchohol by drinking myself to sleep alone...i can no longer concentrade in my work....every secs i have been thinking of her and hoping that she will come back...but i just dunno..i keep telling myself that i give up now i will regret for life..and that if i tried for a long time but still fails at least i did my best.
im really confused why is she telling me i still got chance and like me...as well as she is pulling herself out..and that almost everyday meeting the guy..but says she will not choose who and needs time to clear her mind 1st. im afraid that one day i really couldn't take it and break down totally when she finally decided and tell me that im not the one
Your nonchalant attitude towards love ricochet an incessant pain that will probably haunt you a lifetime.
A change is only a transitory change if it is driven by desperation and not wisdom. Deep inside you, you desire her return and whatever changes you have introduced is merely fueled by the fear of lost and sheer desperation. Such are usually short term measures to appease current plight.
Evolving happens with or without her presence; she may be the catalysis to spark changes, but certainly she cannot be the absolute reason in order to maintain the 'new' you. If losing her doesn't make you a better mate in the future, or at least learn to handle your woman with love and respect, you are just the same crook in different clothing, being arrested for the same crime.
Cheers
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Aunt Agony II 030407
Originally posted by DrAlienology:
For 17 years of my life I never had any hope with girls. But during the O level night classes period, this girl, whom I had feeling for back in June 2005 actually sprang a surprise on me by letting me send her home.
It was back in 4th of April when I told her I liked her.
During this one and a half years teasing on her and I are no big deal and she didn't make much noise about it too. Until in 2005 we went for lunch together a few of my friends made fun of me by pairing her up with me and they commented that my face was bloody red, literally.
In the last quarter of the year when we had our talk cock session one day she came over and joined us and sat near me. some of friends instantly asked her why is she blushing and stared at me.
Almost the entire sec 4 level of 2006 express people that knows me knows about my feelings for her.
One day during the night classes one of my friends told me that I have a competitor. That fella is superior in every single thing except in Sit and Reach and talking cock. I expressed my concern to one of my better female friends who is also close to her. She just told me "That guy cannot make it one, he got rejected flat. You no need to chase also win him"
So practically no one expected me to fail as most of them felt taht
Last year in Dec 4th I asked her out and she accepted. No objections or whatsoever. All her friends told me, that's it lah, confirm win her over already.
But why is this is AA?
On that very faithful day I asked her to go suntec. She agreed. After that I did pop the question..
she told me "I don't think so"
Not because she didn't want a relationship, not because she felt that I wasn't compatible for her(most of my friends and her close friends commented that they feel that we are v compatible), nor is it because she had a boyfriends.
But she said she wanted to concentrate on her 'A' levels that she wanted to pursue after her O levels.
I took it as another rejection and moved on. I went home and sleep.
The next day I nearly broke down on the train. I DON'T KNOW WHY.
That happened for the next few days and even my boss and in charge asked me what happened to me.
Unbearable, I contacted a close friend of mine and he listened to me rant. And for the first time he know me in 8 years, he saw me cry right in front of him.
He was stunned and told me he don't have any clue to why did she gave me such a 'unique' answer, considering all these he say he didn't know why isn't a yes given.
I went back to suntec a number of times. One common question from friends that why did I look so down. During one of my working days when I was around that area... I broke down leaving some of my friends puzzled.
But that is not the end. The O level results were released and some of my friends ask me "Are you and her together?"
I said no and they asked me if I was joking.
After the results came the posting of JAE.
She had 13 points and I got 17 points. I was about to give in to fate that she and I are not meant to be together. I asked her where did she want to go. She told me she wanted to go NY.
And she asked me where do I want to go. I told her either SR or YJ.
She then replied "so you are still choosing between SR and YJ..."
And then she kept asking me if I decided to put SR or YJ as first choice.
She hasn't summit her form, and I summit my form without telling her. Until she asked I said I chose YJ.
Just when everybody thought that NY will be her first choice before that she told me she decided to stay in YJ(her PAE was there).
I don't know what is with the sudden change of heart.
Maybe I think too much... but I really really don't know what to do..
Subconsciously, your mind bought the tale from your folks that eventually... no matter what... somehow or another that you will succeed in your chase, though you may not readily admits it. Your flowing tears and depression signifies a tumbling crash from an elevated perception brought down by an abominable reality of what love is capable of - a stroked ego conjured by people singing you nothing but praises of your seeming sure success.
Nothing is absolute in love; moreover your rate of success is not judged by how the folks around you reckoned.
Based on my experience, apart from feeling good on the ego side, the scenario of having an 'entire sec 4 level of 2006 express' dudes and dudettes knowing your affection actually works more against you. This is worsen by the fact that this 'affection' probably dragged a little far too long. Drudgery period of time worth in teasing might lengthen people's entertainment needs, but it can actually devalue people's interest over time.
Let me give you an analogy: a joke can be funny initially, but constant usage removed the humour. After hitting the apex on the humour scale, it starts going downwards. Soon, you will be in search of new jokes, because an old joke becomes stale with time without improvision. And you will be surprised to know that the newer jokes may not be as funny as the old ones, but still, it manage to fetter some attention and renew sound of laughter that the old joke fail to achieve at this current state of time.
Think about it.
Cheers
For 17 years of my life I never had any hope with girls. But during the O level night classes period, this girl, whom I had feeling for back in June 2005 actually sprang a surprise on me by letting me send her home.
It was back in 4th of April when I told her I liked her.
During this one and a half years teasing on her and I are no big deal and she didn't make much noise about it too. Until in 2005 we went for lunch together a few of my friends made fun of me by pairing her up with me and they commented that my face was bloody red, literally.
In the last quarter of the year when we had our talk cock session one day she came over and joined us and sat near me. some of friends instantly asked her why is she blushing and stared at me.
Almost the entire sec 4 level of 2006 express people that knows me knows about my feelings for her.
One day during the night classes one of my friends told me that I have a competitor. That fella is superior in every single thing except in Sit and Reach and talking cock. I expressed my concern to one of my better female friends who is also close to her. She just told me "That guy cannot make it one, he got rejected flat. You no need to chase also win him"
So practically no one expected me to fail as most of them felt taht
Last year in Dec 4th I asked her out and she accepted. No objections or whatsoever. All her friends told me, that's it lah, confirm win her over already.
But why is this is AA?
On that very faithful day I asked her to go suntec. She agreed. After that I did pop the question..
she told me "I don't think so"
Not because she didn't want a relationship, not because she felt that I wasn't compatible for her(most of my friends and her close friends commented that they feel that we are v compatible), nor is it because she had a boyfriends.
But she said she wanted to concentrate on her 'A' levels that she wanted to pursue after her O levels.
I took it as another rejection and moved on. I went home and sleep.
The next day I nearly broke down on the train. I DON'T KNOW WHY.
That happened for the next few days and even my boss and in charge asked me what happened to me.
Unbearable, I contacted a close friend of mine and he listened to me rant. And for the first time he know me in 8 years, he saw me cry right in front of him.
He was stunned and told me he don't have any clue to why did she gave me such a 'unique' answer, considering all these he say he didn't know why isn't a yes given.
I went back to suntec a number of times. One common question from friends that why did I look so down. During one of my working days when I was around that area... I broke down leaving some of my friends puzzled.
But that is not the end. The O level results were released and some of my friends ask me "Are you and her together?"
I said no and they asked me if I was joking.
After the results came the posting of JAE.
She had 13 points and I got 17 points. I was about to give in to fate that she and I are not meant to be together. I asked her where did she want to go. She told me she wanted to go NY.
And she asked me where do I want to go. I told her either SR or YJ.
She then replied "so you are still choosing between SR and YJ..."
And then she kept asking me if I decided to put SR or YJ as first choice.
She hasn't summit her form, and I summit my form without telling her. Until she asked I said I chose YJ.
Just when everybody thought that NY will be her first choice before that she told me she decided to stay in YJ(her PAE was there).
I don't know what is with the sudden change of heart.
Maybe I think too much... but I really really don't know what to do..
Subconsciously, your mind bought the tale from your folks that eventually... no matter what... somehow or another that you will succeed in your chase, though you may not readily admits it. Your flowing tears and depression signifies a tumbling crash from an elevated perception brought down by an abominable reality of what love is capable of - a stroked ego conjured by people singing you nothing but praises of your seeming sure success.
Nothing is absolute in love; moreover your rate of success is not judged by how the folks around you reckoned.
Based on my experience, apart from feeling good on the ego side, the scenario of having an 'entire sec 4 level of 2006 express' dudes and dudettes knowing your affection actually works more against you. This is worsen by the fact that this 'affection' probably dragged a little far too long. Drudgery period of time worth in teasing might lengthen people's entertainment needs, but it can actually devalue people's interest over time.
Let me give you an analogy: a joke can be funny initially, but constant usage removed the humour. After hitting the apex on the humour scale, it starts going downwards. Soon, you will be in search of new jokes, because an old joke becomes stale with time without improvision. And you will be surprised to know that the newer jokes may not be as funny as the old ones, but still, it manage to fetter some attention and renew sound of laughter that the old joke fail to achieve at this current state of time.
Think about it.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 030407
Originally posted by kindaichi24:
I live at jurong..but she live at simei..but i really like her alot..she did tell my fren tat she like me but is only abit la..but the feeling she gave me is tat i think got chance to be with her..but i just do not have the courage..i keep thinkin abt the bad side..she live so far..and i scare tat will make us less closer?And somemore tis year she o level..i scare if i woo her and wad if cos of me she cannot concentrate and fail her o lvl..hais..wad should i do???Sorry my english not so good and if i sound stupid..
If the farest distance in love is that she doesn't like you; if that's not the case, you are actually much nearer to her than you think.
Cheers
I live at jurong..but she live at simei..but i really like her alot..she did tell my fren tat she like me but is only abit la..but the feeling she gave me is tat i think got chance to be with her..but i just do not have the courage..i keep thinkin abt the bad side..she live so far..and i scare tat will make us less closer?And somemore tis year she o level..i scare if i woo her and wad if cos of me she cannot concentrate and fail her o lvl..hais..wad should i do???Sorry my english not so good and if i sound stupid..
If the farest distance in love is that she doesn't like you; if that's not the case, you are actually much nearer to her than you think.
Cheers
Sunday, April 01, 2007
A Day at Vivocity
Went to Vivocity yesterday to catch The Number 23, turned out to be an interesting thriller plot with a few twists throughout the movie.
Finally ate 店小二, after numerous recommendation from dear.
Had a good laugh at two hyper active hamsters fighting over the running wheel.
And the worst of all: FAKE BRICKS SPOTTED! OMFG! China-made pirated toy called Popobe or something, x 'Mastermind'. Now wtf is 'ROUNG'? And even if the actual spelling is correct, wtf is 'Too round to die?'
Cheers
Finally ate 店小二, after numerous recommendation from dear.
Had a good laugh at two hyper active hamsters fighting over the running wheel.
And the worst of all: FAKE BRICKS SPOTTED! OMFG! China-made pirated toy called Popobe or something, x 'Mastermind'. Now wtf is 'ROUNG'? And even if the actual spelling is correct, wtf is 'Too round to die?'
Cheers
Aunt Agony 010407
Originally posted by papercut87:
not long ago, i ended a 6mth relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..
but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.
those words cut deep.
i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..
his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.
after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?
but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend :)" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."
u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...
what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice... :(
No relationship is fairytale-like - it only apparently seemed so and we revel in them in a fairytale-like manner.
In fact, to me, chances are, he is already reconsidering this relationship, days way before he popped the shattering news and announced that he wants out. You can't spawn something out of nothing; surely, there are unseen issues going around without your knowledge that is affecting him subconsciously.
A seemingly smooth going relationship, at times, is not a good absolute measure for a relationship (especially if scant emotional communication and deep conversation is relatively amiss)
He spoke about incompatibility and differences - what exactly are these differences? How difficult are those challenges? Are those challenges/difficulties recognized/understood by you as well?
Uncovering the above questions might resolve much of your conundrum unknowingly. I will explain why below.
There are times in a relationship when people start reviewing their relationship, even if the ride went on pretty smoothly devoid of emergency break. Ironically, their horror came to them as 'far too good of an experience to be true' and they want to retrograde few steps back to decide if it was really true. This is uncannily true for relationship citing incompatibility as a reason to end it, actually having incompatibility belonging to insignificant magnitude that shouldn't induce break up.
Of course compatibility is relative and subjective to individual perception. It becomes a quagmire only if love is not substantial enough to surmount challenges. If Love makes a fool out of human, then the fool has the greatest of courage because a fool knows no danger.
Then came the sweet aftermath; so tender the feeling he exude and empowered strongly in your soul, paradoxically, only to inflict more confusion in your heart.
He works to retain your emotions for him, yet he's not willing to face the challenges of 'incompatibility', as reasoned by him, with you in union. So self absorbed his affection for you as he has removed the source of burden and tacit responsibility he had to shoulder as a boyfriend previously, yet he's reluctant to allow you your needed recovery to take flight to your next phrase of life.
His act of 'goodwill' actually bring calamity to your long term growth if this persisted indefinitely because you will always be emotionally bounded by him.
If you can't handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such predicament.
Cheers
not long ago, i ended a 6mth relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..
but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.
those words cut deep.
i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..
his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.
after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?
but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend :)" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."
u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...
what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice... :(
No relationship is fairytale-like - it only apparently seemed so and we revel in them in a fairytale-like manner.
In fact, to me, chances are, he is already reconsidering this relationship, days way before he popped the shattering news and announced that he wants out. You can't spawn something out of nothing; surely, there are unseen issues going around without your knowledge that is affecting him subconsciously.
A seemingly smooth going relationship, at times, is not a good absolute measure for a relationship (especially if scant emotional communication and deep conversation is relatively amiss)
He spoke about incompatibility and differences - what exactly are these differences? How difficult are those challenges? Are those challenges/difficulties recognized/understood by you as well?
Uncovering the above questions might resolve much of your conundrum unknowingly. I will explain why below.
There are times in a relationship when people start reviewing their relationship, even if the ride went on pretty smoothly devoid of emergency break. Ironically, their horror came to them as 'far too good of an experience to be true' and they want to retrograde few steps back to decide if it was really true. This is uncannily true for relationship citing incompatibility as a reason to end it, actually having incompatibility belonging to insignificant magnitude that shouldn't induce break up.
Of course compatibility is relative and subjective to individual perception. It becomes a quagmire only if love is not substantial enough to surmount challenges. If Love makes a fool out of human, then the fool has the greatest of courage because a fool knows no danger.
Then came the sweet aftermath; so tender the feeling he exude and empowered strongly in your soul, paradoxically, only to inflict more confusion in your heart.
He works to retain your emotions for him, yet he's not willing to face the challenges of 'incompatibility', as reasoned by him, with you in union. So self absorbed his affection for you as he has removed the source of burden and tacit responsibility he had to shoulder as a boyfriend previously, yet he's reluctant to allow you your needed recovery to take flight to your next phrase of life.
His act of 'goodwill' actually bring calamity to your long term growth if this persisted indefinitely because you will always be emotionally bounded by him.
If you can't handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such predicament.
Cheers
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