Aunt Agony 010407

Originally posted by papercut87:
not long ago, i ended a 6mth relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..

but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.

those words cut deep.

i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..

his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.

after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?

but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend :)" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."

u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...

what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice... :(


No relationship is fairytale-like - it only apparently seemed so and we revel in them in a fairytale-like manner.

In fact, to me, chances are, he is already reconsidering this relationship, days way before he popped the shattering news and announced that he wants out. You can't spawn something out of nothing; surely, there are unseen issues going around without your knowledge that is affecting him subconsciously.

A seemingly smooth going relationship, at times, is not a good absolute measure for a relationship (especially if scant emotional communication and deep conversation is relatively amiss)

He spoke about incompatibility and differences - what exactly are these differences? How difficult are those challenges? Are those challenges/difficulties recognized/understood by you as well?

Uncovering the above questions might resolve much of your conundrum unknowingly. I will explain why below.

There are times in a relationship when people start reviewing their relationship, even if the ride went on pretty smoothly devoid of emergency break. Ironically, their horror came to them as 'far too good of an experience to be true' and they want to retrograde few steps back to decide if it was really true. This is uncannily true for relationship citing incompatibility as a reason to end it, actually having incompatibility belonging to insignificant magnitude that shouldn't induce break up.

Of course compatibility is relative and subjective to individual perception. It becomes a quagmire only if love is not substantial enough to surmount challenges. If Love makes a fool out of human, then the fool has the greatest of courage because a fool knows no danger.

Then came the sweet aftermath; so tender the feeling he exude and empowered strongly in your soul, paradoxically, only to inflict more confusion in your heart.

He works to retain your emotions for him, yet he's not willing to face the challenges of 'incompatibility', as reasoned by him, with you in union. So self absorbed his affection for you as he has removed the source of burden and tacit responsibility he had to shoulder as a boyfriend previously, yet he's reluctant to allow you your needed recovery to take flight to your next phrase of life.

His act of 'goodwill' actually bring calamity to your long term growth if this persisted indefinitely because you will always be emotionally bounded by him.

If you can't handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such predicament.

Cheers