Aunt Agony 060307

Originally posted by Lovelorn?:
Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...

Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began. Back then, I didn't think much of it and I treated her as a normal friend. I always offered to help her with her school work like maths & chem through mail, gave her an insight on tertiary education & sometimes advised her on life. It wasn't the love at first sight kind of situation but I gradually grew to like her. I found myself always looking forward to the weekends where I could PM her over Friendster and receive her messages. We even cheered each other on as she was having her O levels and I was having my A's. I guessed during that period of time, chatting with her was something like a release from reality for me and I really enjoyed it a lot.

During the Nov/Dec holidays, we tried to make plans to meet up but we always couldn't find a common day. We eventually went out for the first time in Jan this year. As I went out with her, I realised that the both of us are really alike in so many ways; we are both so blur and thrifty, etc. So I was thinking to myself that it really is a perfect match. We do chat online regularly even before we started "going out" together and I even told her once of my ideal relationship and even ask for her idea on hers as well. I dropped many hints to her while we are chatting online that i liked her but I guessed she didn't get it. How I know she didn't get the hint, you would find out if you carry on reading.

Ok, here comes the problem. On our 3rd outing, which was Valentine's Day, though I went out with her for a while because she had to prepare for a test, I was ready to confess to her. But I guessed I did it quite awkwardly. Because she needed a new bag, I bought her a Crumpler. And I also bought her those flower teddy bears kind. The final touch was a card, with a poem written by me, expressing my feelings for her. Yes, it wasn't sincere of me because I didn't confess to her face to face. But later that night, I SMSed her, asking her whether did she get my true message of the poem. She didn't reply me until the next day. During that short period, I sent her many long messages, telling her not to feel awkward and that she didn't need to accept me now if she is not ready and that we could still be good friends. And I also told her I was willing to wait for her.

When she replied me the very next day, she told me she was speechless the day before and didn't know what to say. She also told me that she isn't ready for a relationship. I respected her decision and decided to keep our status as good friends. She also told me she can't accept the bag as it was too expensive but I told her to use it first because I won't be using it anytime soon (especially when I'm going into NS soon). But 2 weeks before, which was immediately after V day & CNY, when I messaged her good night (I used to do that every night), she stopped replying me. So I decided to maybe take a break last week, which was to not message her at all. Only recently did she start messaging me again, the very first message after that long break was to wish me all the best for my A level results the very next day.

The 1st problem is, do you think she is trying to distance herself from me after I confessed to her? Maybe if she is not ready, I shouldn't rush into things? She is starting her JC life right now so I told her that we shouldn't start now. I told her that I was willing to wait 2 years, after her A levels is all over. But I don't know how to set ourselves as just friends but yet be there for her since it feels as though she doesn't want me close to her. And whenever I ask her out, she always seem to be very busy... So guys, how do maintain that balance of just being friends, and at the same time being more than just a friend? And would she feel uncomfortable with it when I try to get closer to her?

2nd problem: she scored 9 points for her O levels and is on her way to 1 of the top 5 JCs while me, I didn't exactly do well for my A levels. Do you think that maybe she doesn't view me as suitable for her because of my results? She once told me that she wouldn't want to be with someone who is of a lower education status than her. Or am I just feeling too inferior?

And just to let you guys know, other than her being 2 years younger than me, she is a very quiet and soft-spoken girl. She is the kind who needs time to warm up to a person and when she knows that person very well, she can get quite wacky and nudge or whack them jokingly. :) She is also very thrifty, a value that is most commonly associated with my character. And though she calls herself lazy, she is very hardworking when it comes to work. And yes, she has never had a boyfriend before. For me, it is my 2nd time...

So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!



I must say the feelings developed because the emotional mind is open and unrestrictive. You are a forward looking guy and that makes you search easier. It's relatively easy to uncover that sort of feelings under the right circumstances, but eventually, the mutual decision of a relationship must apply on both side of the coin.

There must be something desirable or at least comfortable about you that she wouldn't mind going on a date with. Taking initiative to add you on friendster may not suggest anything much, but certainly to accept a private date from someone requires a minimal level of comfort before that could ever happen.

But your developed feelings don't necessarily means it is the same for her. For all you know, she probably only interested in making friends with you. Something is pulling her back, hindering the process of her getting attached to you. And this obstruction is the reason for your rejection.

Perhaps she is still pretty struck in that 'schooling mindset' and the tangible criteria that resolves around her mate and herself is education. Afterall, at the age of 16 with clean record with regards to BGR, she probably has nothing else to worry other than academic results.

Putting it in this way, you can try to revert back to the sort of 'friendship' you previously had with her and stick with that model first. National Service is one huge hurdle in life that is generally malicious to relationship if one cannot seem to benefit from it. In that sense, are you willing to risk it with her?

I guess it's the element of time once again, making fool out of people. Let me double guarantee you that two years is a long period of time and do not assume that things will remain the way they are now. In fact, she might get attached during her JC days, you will never know.

And that's because time change people change.

Cheers