Aunt Agony 020106

Originally posted by junich:
It goes like this. This girl i'm dating now was my ex. We dated way back in 2002 but at that point in time it was just like wrong place wrong time thus we broke off. We both moved on and dated other people and only recently, we got together again.

this time thou we are better prepared to handle relationships, we are still facing problems. When we got back together, we learnt tat in 07 both of us are going overseas to study. she takes it as tat we are gonna breake up then cause she thinks that its not possible to maintain a long distance relationship. i've told her tat we should not think so far as we still have more than a year and god knows what will happen in future.

also, her mum is giving her alot of pressure too. her mum feels tat her ex bf is e perfect guy for her and often nags at her for breaking up. thus she is dragging along alot of baggage from her past. i want to share e burden with her but she says its not fair to me. aint couples supposed to share their problems? there isnt anything such as fair or not fair..

we both love each other alot but every now and then she gets this panic attacks tat her "logical" side tells her that its better to break up now. she runs away from her problems and tries to hide. how can i tell her tat i'm with her no matter what. and a couple should face problems together and not alone cause she aint alone.


It is not attack from her 'logical' side - it is her defensive mechanism being triggered.

She fear that if she invest too much into the relationship, knowing that a LDR hurdle is a huge challenge to surmount, she might be wounded emotionally, if she is unable to recover her 'loses'.

This is the reason why she wants to run away. The theory of 'Chang tong bu ru duan tong' comes in.

And of course, her mum is not being helpful at all.

It is not a relationship problem, more than it is a personal problem.

You got to talk to her, to ease her deep seated fear or you will never be able to achieve beyond a certain level in your love.

You cannot be emotionally intimate if you have fear inside of you.

Remove it through the power of communication.

Cheers