Aunt Agony II 300106

Originally posted by Lance_han:
this will probably strike you guys here at aunt agony as a terrible irony...

it goes like this. got to know this girl sometime back, like 2-3 months back? was introed by a friend of mine. the first time we met, we instantly clicked. time flew by, from one of friendship to one of relationship we became. but soon entered another girl. i don not know of any objections she might have to us being together, but she has been spreading rumors of my girlfriend. or rather, she has been leading a pack of hounds who seem to be attacking my girl all the time, calling her all sort of comments like fatso and so on and so forth and such like.. [ she is a bit to the fat side, but this kind of things, i already long long ago overlooked.. ] all in all, it's taken a terrible toll on my gf. i told her to be strong, not to care about what others say about us and all. but somehow, it's not working. she cant accept herself for what she is. her efforts [ and failure ] to slim down is also very worrying. [ i appreciate the thought but like i said, i have already overlooked that part ] in any case, she has gone into cold turkey against me. my phone calls to her are left unanswered, my messages unreplied, even visiting her at home...she refuses to see me. contact through her friends are also unsuccessful; she doesnt say anything about it. so can someone pls advise me what i should do? what i could or should have done in my capacity as the ever loving boyfriend, i have tried and failed.what i shouldnt have done also, i have also tried and still fail. Letting go of her is not an option; though she has thought of leaving me to spare me of all the gossip that goes on about her, i have consistently said no to it. she's my love, and i'm not leaving her alone. so someone really, please, any advice..


All those vicious comments strikes at her unloving frailties, which reinforced and reminded her about how imperfect she is. Sometimes it doesn't matter how loving you are to her because in the end, her self perception is poor. Telling how much you love her and everything else will have minimal effect because the root of the problem isn't about YOUR LOVE for her. It is an infection caused by a gnawing inferiority that is decaying her personal outlook, life and relationship.

She is avoiding you NOT because you don’t love her enough. Rather, it is because she felt her unworthiness and is unable to see herself to be with someone who probably deserved someone better. This is a psychological retreat when we felt that we are unable to resolve our flaws.

If you want to dissolve this with the greatest impact, the best alternative is to go through the transformation with her (and reassure her constantly). Put facts on the table, lure her out of her cave and work on the problem. If she is overweight, then exercise and diet... with YOU, together with her, in this hardship. Apart from that, raise the stake - transform her outlook, dress sense and everything else that empower her with greater physical, emotional or spiritual sense.

We must understand that although we don't have to take people's comment personally, their critics can be a powerful source of drive to tap on.

In the end, it doesn't matter whether we attain 'their standard'; what matters is that we improve our self image and self perception.

Cheers