Aunt Agony II 080106

Originally posted by strival:
My FIRST LOVe ON her !! True storYZzz !!

Story about how me fall in lovE on her....

Two year before.. i been post to new class tat time i don really noe any person in my class, i am very shy person and very anti social personz there some girl in my class but i don really wan know them. As my character i don wish to noe them well.. i just like to be myself !!

After some month, i noe quite alot of my classmate. MosT of them are friendly to me !! i don joke alot in front of them and i don talk alot in class too !! i just wish to end my schz fasTEr and go home sleep as my house in tpy! Got one time, my classmate girl cum talk to me, she named jerlin.. i just normal talking to her !! i don really wan noe her more cos i not gd speaking wif girl! After some day,We been msg often, we been a just gd frez onli !!

AFter few week, we been chatting wif her on phone about schz work,about our class person and alot alot alotz!! aT firSt i really dunno wat to talk to her but i feel tat chatting wif her quite enjoy as i not a gd speakingz wif her. Somemore she got alot of thing to siad! i just enterti her .. and i don usually talk wif her in sch also !

Soon our schz hoilday start! been quitEz nervous coS i been firsT time dating A girl go outZ !! we just go eat,talk alot of joke,Said pp bad thing sometime.. oppSz.!

After few day, i all the time wanted to date her go out walk walk watch moive, juSt go out wif her veRy enjoy, fun and got alot of thing to do! she very social personz to me !!

Got one daY i first time in my life going out wif her whole night in orchaRd... and so sorry tat she very sleepy tat day and her head put on my shoulder for resting !

Since tat daY,I found ouT tat i really really fall in love wif her le.. buTz i don daRe to siad out.. aS i noe we just fRez onli ! she also told me We jusT frez onli !!

After our sch hoilday, we been back to schz ! Before i going to sch, havE thinking alot taT when i saw her,i dunnoz wat to said to her le. I fall in love wif her and i dunnoz how to do! I been stress alot tat time when i face to her in class and i feel tat i nth to talk to her .

I so pai sai facing her and i really don wish her to noe i fall in love wif her. I noe myself.. if i like a ger, i wont give up buT i noe she realli treat me as gd fRez! I been thinkingz y u wan treat me so nice last time and i so regret tat she treat me so gD tat make my heart melt and fall in lovE wif her! As she the first girl in my life who treat me so well and willing to go out wif me , like chat wif me in phone !!

i really appericate buT shE dunnoz tat she like tat treat me alsoz make my heart fall in love wif her ! i too easy heart soften... !!

Since i find out tat i lovEd her, i been tryingz myself wherther i should told her anot? i sCared i told her, she wont talk to me againz.. AS i know she well she will confirm shockeD and don wish treat me well againz !!

AfTer few daY,i been thinking alot anD make my decision! i try to make her angry in class , try not to talk to her and try to siad her baD thing so my heart wont like her ! i noEz tat i been so selfish and overdoing make her so angry and know tat wat i done already done! i muSt overdoing so tat my heart will let go!!

After few month, i nv talk to her and nv msg nv call !! many pp talking about us.. i don wish to let our classmate know about our problem! i noE most of my classmate will hate me even jerlin also will hate me forever butz really hope tat she will noe tat waT i done is well for her !! i don Scare her tat i lovE her !! i really don wan said tat as i noe she wont like meZ as she think tat i jusT a ah beng who like to scold bad word,baD guy tat not suitable for her !

buT wat i done already done.. hopEz when gradute tat time.. i will msg and told her tat wat i done to make her hate me cos of hER !! they dunnoz tat i mosT heart pain to see her so sAdz iS ME... No one can understand my feeling for her... !! it not normal like her.!

i already deep loved her all the timez.!!

Since we nv talk, i find out tat my method of nv talking to her is useless! my heart so heartpain tat i almost everyday night thinking of her even in schz i thinking her !

since tat day she cRy for me tat i treat her so baD! i verY feel tat i am bastard in the world and also my heart tat time been breakz le! Tat time i been found tat she got care for me at least coS i alway think she nv care for me at all since sch reopen !

shE of cos will hate me buT she dunno tat y i wan to do until like tat buT i no chancE face to her and said tat i love u alot since sch hoilday!! she been busy in class wif my classmate.. i no chance face to her when she alone but i noe she wanted to noe wat happen.. y i become like tat buTz did she really caRe about my feeling.. i been thinking tat she wont know my thinking. !!

Alot of my bro said i so stupid make her hate me.. !! buTz i rather i suffer alot than let her know i been waiting for her very long!!

when tat day she birthday come, i saiD to her and she knoe tat i been like her.. she know tat long ago as she feel tat i doing make her know tat i liked her !!

Too bAd she already siad no feeling for me and tat time she have bf since tat dayzz !! mY heart been breakz le in my life, i dunnoz how to face her next time in class and i no mooD doing anything ! i feel like die ! i really don wish go schz ,don wish study! we everyday same class and i cant forget her... ! Everyday having feeling for her, u tell me how to treat her as frez !! I really cant let go her !!

I been thinking whole day tat i really cant treat her as frez coS i really cant do it... i really deeping feeling for her le.. anD i already crazy for her.. !! i see her everyday... i cant forget her..

WAt i saiding wanted to said tat time..is i really wan give up my life le... ! i hope jerlin really can kill me... and i wont be so stress problem againz... !!

and she noe me well.. wat i said, i will do it ! Tat time i feeling like die but i don wan her so gulity if i really die!

After she reject me,we nv talk and feel so pai sai when faced her! Everytime saw her msg and i noe tat her bf msg her... i been felt so jealous but i cant do anythingz!!

since she break my heart, i nv been sleep in the night, no mood study,no mood talking to pp andZ don wish go schz at all..

EVeryday face her.. i don know wat to said !! My heart cant heal upz.. !! it take a second to know a person ,it take a min to love someone.. butz i take lifetime to forget someone!

FirsT time cryingZ tat i been heartpain alot alot alotz! I been hurt by her very pain and i noe myself well tat noting can make me happy againz and be myself again!

I been nv sleep at all since tat day, i been thinking her alot and i been playing computer whole night for half a year and nv study, go sch sleepingz !

Been thinking alot of our gd memory going out together tat time buT she don think like tat..T o her.. iT just a normal frez day ouT buT to mE it been my life so happy ever had! shE dunnoz the mosT suffer person iS mE ! i vERy xin gu, i canT let go and my hearT hurt alotz. No one can understand my feeling tat time!

To her, she said wat she said .. she really mean it ! buT one ting shE dunnoz about her baD poinT tat,she nv Care about wat she siad tat hurt my feeling ! she wont know i been suffer alotz for her! shE wont noe one ! i know her character well,

CoS of her i try break my friendship wif her.. so tat i can give her happiness wif her bf togetherz rather than a guy who ah beng cant better then her bf tat timez..

since she call me last year her birthday, wat i in my mind is.. i really don wish her give me chance! i jusT wish she will forgive me tat i make her so angry and sad tat time! i willing to make up all my time for her as long she will forgive me... !!

After knowing she been breaking up wif her bf, i been calling her and asked wat happen as she and her bf stead for ten month very long le and i find out her bf so stupid to ask her break for mE i already happy if can wif her together as she really a nicE girl !

sincE she told me she don trust guy anymore,i been so sAD tat i first time in my life see her so hurt pain and i wish i can replaced her ex bf now.. At least i can prove to her i will do better than her exstead ..

after tat incident, i been swear myself i will try myself to love her and wont changed my heart even wif her together! I wanted to do alot alot alot of thing to make her happy anD i try myself i promise wat i do and i will try to do for her!

wat i done for her just wanted her to noe tat no all guys are baDz.. At least got a guy who lovEd her for two year if change heart , two year ago i been already change heart for another girl buT i nv.. !

i just a sentimental guy who loved a girl alot alot .. nV give up on her at all ! too bad she nv think like tat... !!

she character.... !! she very attutide gal.. she very anti social
bad point : she don feel tat the person beside her is sadz.. !! she nv go console tat personzzZ !! she cant feel it...
shE really dunnoz the word she saying can hurt a person alot alot alotz....
she really like said about her thing alot butZ she nv give tat person a chance to said about their own problem... !!
she dunnoz tat she like give pp attutide but when u give pp attutide make sure tat person got anything wrong anot...
She nv care about other pp feelingz... !!


her thinking and her type guy in BGR: is she wan a boyfrez who shown care for u ... give u freedom... who can serious listen wat yur saidingz.. !! a guy who really shown alot of concern for u ... !! sad will cheer u upz.. sometime will give u suprise ritez.. !! and a trusT alsozZz !! also speak in manner.. also must know u quit well .. !! must treat u very wellz... !

she promise give me three month to stead !!
she wish i give her freedom...
she said she don wish i keep calling her everyday.. very irrating..
she said i always stress her... !! i alway said i love her i lover her in msg and talking to her... !! she very hate it.. !!
she said tat my characther very childishz... !! don serious listen wat she said to me.. !! not i nv listen... is she saiding word hurt me alotz.. said until i really so bad stress her alot... i just keep quiet... nv said anything backz.. !! she saiding very hurt pp feelingZzz !!
most in important tat she siad no feeling for me.. she don have chemistry for me.. !!
she said i not her type she wan !!
How.... any give advicE !!
how to make her fall in love wif me... !!
she said she very sick of my character i done... !!
our conversion in phone also not gd... she sometime said some time hurt me.. like u give up ar... u not my type... i really wan talk to her another topicz... !!
but i nth to said ... alway let her shoot me .... !! make it wan quarrel

i wan to do sumthing to make her have feeling for me... !!
she everyday workingz...
when she off also go out wif her frez no time for me...
what i can do onli send her homez four time a week...
and she also wish i don alway send her home everyday.. she don likez... !!

i dunnoz her thinking is wat... !! i just wan to show my concern as a boyfrez...
i cant let her go off... i already love her alotz.. .



You are suffering from serious esteem deficiency and twisted definition of Love that is form from delusional messages you inherited from media exposure and other channels. All sort of self-justifying love and hatred drama-mama throughout your topic (from common heart wrenching phrases to lengthy waits equates to faithfulness) are fuelling this unhealthy emotional engine.

Your root of problem doesn't lie with her; in fact, the entire cause of this sad plight is because of your own doing. You have serious inferior complex that obstruct you from accepting love and being loved. Likely, this wrecked subconscious derived from your early childhood.

You are unable to accept Love when it is presented to you and you return Love with nonsensical dealings which will spur resentment and bitter moments. What the fcuk is Love-her-but-I-cannot-tell-her-so-I-make-her-hate-me?

CHILDISH! I tell you.

The truth is that you are unable to receive this reality that you are actually lovable and have someone extend care and concern over your life. YOU REJECTED that notion and REJECTED her affection because of your blinded inferiority thoughts that binds you from the goodness that you could enjoy and that this world is actually painted with colours. You dull them with your stupidity, which was breed from poor self outlook.

You kept entertaining yourself with a biased truth - that she will never accept you and you can only be friends with her because you are so afraid of rejection. In the end, it became a self fulfilling prophesy when you MADE her reject you and trigger your most feared scenario... that it became impossible with you and her.

Now you can only gaze at her dust trail as she sped off into a new chapter in her life. She resisted your attempts to woo her because you have lost the chance she has previously gave to you. There is no reason why she should love someone she has no interest with... now. You panic and gripped her further... resulting in a friendship bleeding and hemorrhage.

Gradually, you became an unconscious pest.

This becomes a vicious karmic cycle and when this friendship is gone forever, it trigger your next feared scenario - a complete sever of bonds.

Do you see a pattern here?

You thought of something negative... it wasn't like this... but in the end, it became like this when you unconsciously work towards this negativity. Your soul screamed a warning, that this has become a reality and you justify with 'I knew will become this way!!'

Self fulfilling prophesy.

***

You cannot Love others without understanding that self love must happen before you can extend this love to others. This is a breach in the Sixth law of Love (The best thing we can do to Love and help our partners is to love ourselves).

She presented a critical lesson here: that if you continue to harbor such definition of love, which resulted from poor psychological state, history will reiterate itself and that it would be difficult for you to find fulfillment in relationship.

Start loving yourself.... improve yourself... and most importantly, get to know yourself. Banish negative thoughts and quit being an irritant in her eyes. For a start, retreat for a period of time for self reflection and enlightenment. Be a hermit: rethink and preview your situation. It gives you and her some time off.

If it has become impossible for you and her (Relationship or friendship), learn acceptance and move on. To overly cling unhealthy is a sign of negativity, which also hint at inferiority complex.

You need to resolve this damaged 'self' problem.

Cheers