Aunt Agony 231206

Originally posted by chaah:
Ok i admit i am confuse.
Let me elaborate n summaries my relationship :
BF : H
Fren : D

Actually my bf treat me well, bring me to nice dinning, pick me up as and when from office for dinner. Pay for my computer which i wanna change but no $$.
Only things is his hobbies (Photography) is taking up too much time, at times i felt neglected.
i have tried talking to him, but he just avoid the things and prevent quarrel. But things do not change at all. After my grumble he is back to square one. Actually i dnt mind, coz i am grumbling. And also he had mentioned before if he had fail to treat me well, remember to remind him. As gal i though that is nice of him.

But then came along my close fren D.
Who keep analaysing things between me and bf.
He told me my bf isn't committed to me, and by reminding him i am helping him when he slack. This way i will never leave him.
He taught me to secretly mark H, faults and slack in relationship. And to the point give up if the relationship go haywire. And do not tell my bf what's wrong but let him think hard. If he has heart for me, he would do so.

I am lost now.
Coz i don't know if i should heed D advise ?



Goodness! Your boyfriend is indulging in HEALTHY and DECENT hobby... I don't see why there is a cause for concern, unless it drains too much financial ability (which you would probably nag) or if he truly neglects you in that sense. Would you rather your boyfriend spend those precious dollars in nightclubs and fool around with slattern woman?

That isn't my greatest shock - your man actually mention that he willing to compromise if there is something he hasn't done well, namely the way he treats you. If there are dissatisfaction with regards to the quality of time spent, shouldn't you be talking to him and letting him know that sometimes, you just wanna spent your time together like movies and shopping? You could also arrange that if he wants to do his photography, he would indulge in alone/with friends and when he is done with it, he could meet you for a proper date? You know that sort of thingy?

I always fear advice dispensed from random people, especially when it is for with people I know, because some people don't understand what wtf they are talking about and the consequence of their words on these poor soul.

(I) Helping him when he is slack? In that way you would never leave him? In the first place, why is there a requirement to leave the relationship if your relationship is (1) what you want... (2) it doesn't turn into an obsession/bondage... (3) doesn't ruin the original model of love?

(II) To take down all his faults and when things go out of hand, leave him? When you have noted a certain flaw, shouldn't you be the first to let him know, in order to reduce certain intensity in the relationship? Then you two could work together to resolve issues and not dump him with all his blind spot as you condemn him?

You are LEADING a relationship; this is not a competition on who's personality is more perfect my dear.

(III) And worst of all crime; don't tell your boyfriend anything. Let him think.

OMFG!

Lemme translate that sh!t for you:

Eliminate communication and decentralization; allow circumstances to control market force.

Your relationship will probably die sooner if you eliminate communication and expect everything to be enlightened from nothing. If you wants him to reflect on certain issues, you got to FIRST speak to him before you could allow him some time to digest those mambo jambo.

WTF is if he got heart for him, he will know what to do?

I throw the question back at you: if you got heart for him, do you know what to do? And are you DOING it now? Doing it RIGHT?

P.S: Remember, you are in relationship that's truly yours. Should your relationship fail, it doesn't affect D in any ways. You better think twice about ruining something that could have much potential to soar… with his 'advice'.

Cheers