Aunt Agony 171206

Originally posted by imouto222:
Hi ppl,

My friend has a 27 yrs old girlfriend who has curfew. She needs to reach home by 11pm daily else the parent will flare up. Applies to weekends, public holidays like Xmas, New Yr etc. Is there anyway we can do to convince the parents of this girl that their daughter is already VERY GROWN UP and can go out after midnight. We are trying to organise a Xmas party but this girl cant go ... what should we do?? Anyone has suggestion?


Behind this simple curfew lies a greater malice: this is deep parental complex since young; nothing much you can guys could do unless she is willing to fight for her own freedom?

Her parents is not going to 'wake up' one day and say 'hey, our daughter has grown up... so she could fare better with some freedom in her life', especially since they haven't thought that issue even when she is 27?

Some parents never realise this - the longer you shelter your child with all these 'rules', the later they learn to survive in society and the more vulnerable they are to setbacks and failures. This is especially true in love and relationship. She may learn to cope with her career gradually, but when it comes to love - she just become another perfect victim for the universe to unleash nasty cosmic lesson.

Parental complex is one classic reason why people become what they are... leading their sort of relationship. There is this massive conflict that engaged itself on our unconscious level, whenever our individual nature tries to hatch and liberate ourselves from parental bondage. Some people have easy transition, but to those who have difficulty in this metamorphosis, they usually suppress this divine self right, in order to compromise with external parental pressure - still seeking for their approval, acknowledgment and love.

Her parents wrote script based on their own perspective/thoughts and demanding their daughter to learn their script.

There is this spiritual tension - on one side, she tries to evolve into a true individual grasping her own life and on the other hand, she too tried to accept her parents' pre-prepared script of what they reckon is positive for her life. And if she accepts the former ideology, the parents would give her the coveted message that her choice is something punishable by abandonment. It gives rise to message like disloyalty and cultivates seeds of guilt into her soul.

In other words, her parents instil the message of 'you will hurt me if you don't listen to me...' or 'being myself is wrong', which will inevitably make her feel that she is responsible for everybody's happiness.

The struggle to manifest her authentic self or to gain approval from her parents continues and this affects relationship from all dimension (In astrology, this is where Moon/Saturn or 4th/10th house [or ruler of those house] is heavily dignified, probably with bad placing and hard aspects, which causes much of these tension).

I don't know how you want to help her. This is more like a personal struggle in which she would have to surmount. All her life, she probably suppress herself not to look into that direction I have pointed - a bona fide route to emotional self-actualization by forging a separate identity... an identity where it's truly hers.

You may want her to read what I have written? And maybe it's time to preview her own life to see what she wants to see in her own future.

Cheers