Aunt Agony 101206

Originally posted by purple-ice:

My mum recently juz found out that my dad has an affair outside. We are all so sad now. This thing has been going on for 3 yrs le, after my dad change his job. Y he he causing us to b so stress?

Me 22 this year.. My parents married for approx 25 yrs le... he used to be veri caring to us until recently the whole family go genting for tours (i din go.. study for exams).. then my mum caught them together. She has been "acting blur" for weeks le after my dad ask my mum to forgive him.

But recently my mum became very paranoid again. Talking abt want to slap the bitch n funny funny things. That bitch was a worker of my dad, they everyday meet up, go to wrk, have lunch n send that bitch home everyday. Haiz..

Now still thinking abt a way to talk to my dad. No ideas.. Seems veri awkard.

Pls help. I dunno wat I can do now.



There are many reasons why men drift after years into their marriage - I won't begin my lengthy essay on that. Instead, I would urge you give him the freedom to decide what's best for himself and for his marriage. I will explain my thoughts below.

A marriage is a spiritual walk between the husband and wife - the vow is a sacred promise made and bounded into a 'willing contract', supposedly forged from deep altruistic love. Should either one of the couple deviate from the vow or experienced the weakening of their love - intrinsically, this adversity is a challenge to be overcome by themselves.

Like a mountain to surmount, the couple got to find ways to get pass or they are likely in trouble.

Since you have spoken to your dad - we shall just leave the words said as it is. Personally, I do not believe in 'lecturing' your dad on the 'morals/ethics of a relationship' - firstly, it used to be the 'top-to-bottom' approach for your dad, 'educating' you about life and when you suddenly switched that role over, you dad is likely to resist any attempt from you to 'teach' him and probably dismiss your 'advices' into airy words.

At best, you could probably understand his situation better through communication, but ultimately, he still have to make his own decision... for better or for ill.

Secondly, regardless of how you view it - the marriage is essentially still between the two of them. Many people will disagree with me, saying that once kids are in the picture, everything else changes. But lemme tell you that although the kids are implicated, but they are not wholesome - we must always remember that having children do not eliminate the fact that your marital vow is made in the designation of a HUSBAND and WIFE - you do not make your vow in image of your children. That’s why marriages often dulled itself into a drudgery journey because people are too preoccupied with everything else and neglected about the initial love passion that created the reason for the existence of their relationship.

Government statistics have shown that couples with children are less likely to divorce, compared to a childless couple. But this statistic says nothing about fulfillment, harmony and happiness gained through marriage. What's good of a marriage if there is an absence of love and filled nothing but discontentment and misery?

Critical elements maintain in BGR, must also maintain in marriage.

You, being the children, will one day fall in love and start your own family. You will have your own cosmic lesson to grasp and that's inherently yours... it doesn't belong to your parents... neither does your future kids have a share in it.

It's your marriage.

In the same context - it's your parent's marriage.

***

You are already a thinking adult... very much beyond your growing years, you could judge what's 'right' or 'wrong'... 'should' or 'should not'... based on a set of principles/moral value you have adopted - unlike your early childhood, where your personal developments are closely tied to parental influence.

Let your dad resolve his own complication as you stand by your mum, acting as her pillar of support.

Also, allow me to advise against inciting hatred towards your dad because of his infidelity. These are issues he has to learn to cope with in love and if he has failed to deal with them during his younger years, he will handle them now. Nobody is spared from individual love cosmic learning - it's the same for him.

Cheers