Aunt Agony 041206

Originally posted by MingFreeman:
Today we just broke off and it was on rather bad terms as well.

Her main unhappiness was that I didnt respect her and that my heart is not with her. I am confused. Its true that i am shui bian but I didnt cheat or abuse her. I aso didnt disrespect her or what.

Below are the list of things which she's not happy about:

- Meet once or twice a week (she says its too few)
- Mostly, she calls (she's not happy that I didnt call much)
- When she's troubled, she's unhappy that I didnt notice and didnt console her
- She once impersonated a third person gal and pretended to befriend me. She's upset that I agreed to meet up and be friends with that "girl".
- I keep a few pictures of female models
- I wrote in an internet forum about how the r/s was giving me stress at a period of time. (she found out and was not happy)

The thing which happened today was the icing on the cake. She had a language exam today and I sms'ed to ask her how was it. The first part was ok and after the break, she sms'ed to say that the second part was difficult. Then she came to my place to borrow a book. I was tired and asked her to come up to my place to take it.

My impression was that she wanted the book and go straight off to photostat, so I just passed her the book and closed the metal gate. She flared up and accused me of being insensitive and not consoling her about the exam and treating her "like a dog" by not inviting her into the house.

I was very surprised. She has stayed over at my place the night before so its surprising that she flared up when I didnt invite her in. Also, I thot that the difficult part of the exam was a minor part since it was only listening.

I'm not all bad. I also buy her things, sms her, provide advice and encouragement, drive her home if the family car is avaliable. Like today, she forgot her exam pass, so I drove her all the way to her house to collect her pass(which is quite far) and drove her back.

I would like to see opinions on which have I done wrong?

Ya, on hindsight, I should have been more attentive about her troubles but the thing is she didnt tell me. Things like buying of cinema tickets. Most of the time she buys the tickets in advance and she didnt sound displeased or what. But when we have our arguments, she'll bring up this matter and say I take her for granted. I mean......if she's tired or feel that i'm taking for granted, why don't she tell me in the first place..... I can buy the ticket. :?

Its mostly these things which seem normal but somehow she takes it very seriously. Its confusing. Like sometimes when I am busy, i didnt reply to her sms immediately or soon enough, and she gets upset.

And I think she's unable to let past events go. Like sometimes when we are happily walking, she'll just say things like "you don't love me" or "you take me for granted".

Hai........its confusing. Which part am I in the wrong?


I won't say it's a wrong, more than an avenue for learning. Albeit these are small issues in a relationship, but when you congregate them, it almost becomes a big sin.

Being sensitive, if it wasn't inborn, it must be taught consciously.

We have to recognise that some people's inner mechanism works that way so naturally... like breathing (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces), but time and patience must be given for people unlike those like themselves. Of course, if we nit pick those insensitive 'mistakes' you have committed, it's gonna make the relationship hellva intense.

Most people are like that - throw criticism about something, but does almost next to nothing to evolve you... expecting changes to be successful and immediate.

Not saying that you are right in your doings, but I am sure she also has her own flaws in the relationship. The fact that nobody is impeccably perfect means that there is always something new to learn, understand and explore in their own love. One key to a good, harmonious relationship is to assist your partner to evolve the 'not-so-good' qualities together. It doesn't always work to isolate him/her, asking him/her to do his/her own self reflection and change.

Self reflection is often slow in delivering and one's patience might not last long enough to see the result.

The intensity of a relationship is often caused by the individuals leading the relationship. If she puts her desired 'framework' of her own ideal relationship and forcefully nailed it to the actual 'picture' of her relationship, she is in for huge disappointment, because she will discover that it doesn't fit nicely. Eventually, she decide to replace the 'picture' (you) as she would rather keep her 'ideal frame'.

What she could have done, a wiser approach, in leading the relationship is to take the measurement from her own relationship and create that 'framework' based on the actual picture. She could do the alteration as she goes along - at least she need not invest so much into an 'ideal framework'.

Remember, it doesn't matter how exquisite other's portrait will turn out to be - ultimately, we are the only people admiring our own portrait. If we could accept our art work, nobody can tell us that it's a bad piece because art is truly abstract and subjective.

Cheers