Aunt Agony 130906

Originally posted by xAcc:
Can u really hold onto someone u've nv met in ur life?

In a person's whole life, there's at least a thing that wouldnt go ur way. I didnt really believe in that. Till i've met her.

It was plainly a request to get something for me on the net, as she was a fren of my fren. It became a chat on the phone. Wad can two strangers possibly talk abt on the phone at 2am? Things didnt go the way i knew and understood. some pple believed in love at first sight. Mayb from the particular day, i started to believe in Serendipity.

Tho after tad day we didnt talked to each other as often as i thgt. As i was attached n so is she. She had alot of ups and downs in her r/s. I had a smooth sailing one, barely having much arguements over the yrs i've been with my gf. Sometimes when she's having troubles, ill b the one she thgt of calling cuz i was willing to listen to her. But still it didnt happen often cuz of her possesive bf and i didnt care much cuz at tad point of time i didnt felt much abt her or anyth arnd me.

I often got to know of the probs she's having in her r/s, now and then. Cuz she talked to me more often after she had broke off with her bf. I listened as i juz hoped to help her juz by listening to her sorrows. Day by day, a slight change started to appear unknowingly.

I talked to her more over the phone compared to my gf. I feel happy when i receive sms from her. Hearing the voice of hers.

Till one day she fell sick and we were on the phone, we talked till quite late but i promised her to get her breakfast cuz i hope she eats something healthy. Slept for 2hrs and i got up to the market and made her porridge. Got her address from her and left it outside her hse. Things started to change from that day.

I started to care for her more, slightly got to like her abit more. Talking to her on the phone everyday despite being tired. Although most of the time i would be listening to her talking abt herself and stuffs, cuz i really enjoyed it alot. One day she hinted me tad she liked me, i sort of felt the same.

One day i finally realise i really liked her alot, and i cant b with my gf with another girl alwys on my mind. Even before breaking up with my gf i was slowly treating her as my loved one. It wasnt an easy thing to break off with my gf after yrs being with her but i did told her wad i wanted. From tad point of time, i felt so much for her and till den, i only saw her photos before...

We somehow became a couple immediately, alwys talking on the phone and stuff. It was two weeks before my enlistment for NS thus i was very free and i wanted to meet her so badly. Everytime things start to crop up despite no matter how i ask her for free time to meet. Even till the day i went off for NS, i've not yet seen her, yet she assured me its ok.

Two weeks of confinement, two weeks of promises of seeing her, two weeks of anticipation. Everything promised vanished. Week after week, weeks after weeks. Even till the day im out of the stupid island, assurance of getting to meetup was still wad i got. Despite living near each other, nv got a chance. Every week going out alone to seek for things she wanted, things she liked, things she mentioned she would wan to buy. Money was nv an issue, mayb hoping to see her really happy in person one day is wad i hoped for.

Quarrels became so often, as i really dun understand y m i acting like a guy wooing a girl and the girl rejecting the guy in a polite manner. Not wanting to see me yet telling me things to coax me. She would alwys call and save the r/s, as she said she cherished this alot. We got back together cuz i cant let go tad easily too.

The second last time i wanted to breakup with her was arnd June. It's been 4mths. I was very determined, left things tad she gave me which was meant for the only guy she wanted to give. I told her i cant hav all these anymore. She called n told me she will b leaving town. At tad point of time i suddenly felt lost, some part of me suddenly juz gave away. The thought of asking her not to go, mayb there's really one last chance to save this r/s. I thgt of trying it this time. She didnt leave, gave me back the things i returned her and she still promised me things will b better.

During the 4 mths, she had her bday which i didnt had the chance to celebrate with her. I had my bday almost spending it alone. 4 monthly anniversaries plainly leaving things outside each other's house. Talked to her, listened to her, wanting the best for her. Sleeping less than 3-4 hrs almost every day. All this didnt matter to me. Did alot of things juz to mk myself feel appreciated, hoping my simple request would come true. But till now it never even happened.....

One day my ex gf called and told me she got things to say to me. It was regarding my current gf. I decided to meet her cuz i've stuffs to give her back too. It ended up me telling her all i've been thru and the feelings of really having someone there for me came back. I didnt imagine how different it is to see a person in real after mths of juz loving someone imaginarily.

My ex did things for me, was willing to spend time on me. I blindly started to go back to her. On the other hand my gf told me tad she will b leaving town, she asked me will i ask her to stay. I didnt reply. Cuz to me, wad she told me throughout all these mths, were all juz empty promises. I juz deeply wished her well so she may find someone real.

She said she didnt board the plane, wanted to meet me in person immediately. I scraped the idea, switched off my phone. After tad things turned worse. I cant bear to tell her i find it more realistic with my ex gf than her. Which i shld hav realised earlier tad pple who hav nv meant cant b together.

She found out i talked to my ex, went out with her and somehow back with her. She went off and things turned ugly. But wad can i do? Should i hav met her up? Should i not met and talked to my ex?

Mths hav passed. From the day i broke off with her, i still cant forget her. Despite being back with my ex now. Things i do for her, her voice i hear so often over the mths. Things she gave me and her imaginary presence. At the same time, my gf now which is my ex, did things and has been alwys here for me throughout. She had been hurt badly when we broke up and this time we patched up, i cant promise her things i used to, do things for her which i did before. But she gave her best, everything she's got. I feel guilty not being able to giv everything i hav.

Wanted to breakup with her now, cuz i see its not fair doing this to her. Wasting her time tho i really like her. I know she deserves someone better which is definitely not me. But i dun wan to see her suffer and im trying my best to forget wad's not even really there before. Hoping things will b the same as the past. But every thought of mine is almost abt the imaginary her. I feel v tired, v miserable.

She asked me to watch the Lake House. Its abt two person in different times loving each other despite the odds. But they could see and hold the person in the past, and the future. In the same time, same place, yet wads happening to me i still cant let go. Recently went back to the place where i left things for her, nth's changed. But yet mths had passed. I still feel empty and cant move on. Hope she did. But now, my thoughts are still on her. Wad can i do? Am i stupid?

Thnks for reading and mayb hope someone can giv me advice, i really dunno who to turn to.




I can never fully understand the notion of people falling in love with another without even knowing him/her in reality. Although I can explain why this phenomenon is surfacing, I can't help but shake my head when I read your story, because you CHOOSE a idealism over realism (Neptune over Saturn).

Chances are, your current gf is merely a gf, but she doesn't really match very closely to the ideal lady you had in mind. Deep inside you and unconsciously, you are yearning for a woman closer an image of your ideal girlfriend.

This woman appeared. And it's a self deception if you said that you didn't want to foster a better relationship with her, and from better to even better. At the point of time, the possessive boyfriend is a barrier, but you remove that barrier, you see yourself automatically moving forward. It was almost without restrain or control - as if you are seeking for a possibility and this is the possibility given to you.

Things sped off after you have seen her photo; she probably fits closer to that of your ideal girlfriend.

You became so immensely deep in love with love itself... but you know next to nothing about her. Do you seriously think that you can know someone by mere phone calls, SMS, MSN or whatever? Words can be twisted and ideas can be insinuated. Afterall, she is playing the role of a director - scripting your every feeling and thoughts, fuelling your fantasy and luring your mind to insanity.

CloUdiSm classify your condition as the Pygmalion Complex - under mythology, the artist Pygmalion became in love with the statue he has crafted. But the statue couldn't love him back as it was lifeless. He was in love with fantasy - his love becomes surreal and unrealistic (although later on, Venus breathe life into the statue and he married the 'her', but our TS was unfortunate, so I will not discuss it here).

If you continue to allow yourself to be led by fantasy, you see yourself touring in beautiful gardens and still ending up back to square one. You are so self absorbed with this blinded fantasy, that I don't think you are able to stretch your perspective wide enough to see from her side.

Do you even think it is Love for her? Like I have mentioned, ideas can be insinuated. Simply by SMSing - I love you - may not even hold much weight because this is how cheap words can be, if it wasn't significantly true to its meaning.

Furthermore, there are a couple of possibilities:

(I) She has actually seen you before, but unlike you, your image is further away from her ideal boyfriend. She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

(II) She broke up with her boyfriend; you are a substitute. She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

(III) She doesn't want a boyfriend; she wants worshipper. She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

Conclusion?

She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

P.S: Your then-ex-now-gf is indeed foolish. Being thrown away when she is not needed and now coming back because his man couldn't get the OTHER woman he wanted. Gawd! If she was my friend, think I am going to lecture her till thy kingdom comes.

Cheers