I guess people who served their due understand this very much - the notion of freedom and liberty we used to enjoy freely was greatly suppressed during service. Self expression was abandoned in exchange for regimentation.
I had promised myself to write a lengthy essay about my experience when I leave the service and the occasion arises, suddenly, my thoughts are whirling - I didn't know where to begin.
Asked any NSmen out there about their feelings in NS and most likely, it is a congregated mass of mixed feelings that goes beyond simple words. They are likely to grin at the querent:
'Good luck... go in and you will know...'
Somehow, it seemed sadistic, but we all know it wouldn't be a bed of roses in there.
To be frank, I held high regards for our military force before I was enlisted, but this ideology has changed significantly after service... till the point of disillusionment. In the end, I realised, what I believed in once was but propaganda instill into the young minds before maturity and wisdom enter into those minds. It was like early insinuation until it became a blind faith. Back then, although I know nuts about Singapore military, but somehow, we are taught, by mass media, that it was the best in the region (in terms of equipment and military technology, I still believe it is).
I realised that the passe philosophical quote, overly used by SAF '...when boys becomes man' - actually doesn't completely transform the 'man' in Singaporean boys I encountered during service. From those newly enlisted to others going to ORD - it appeared more like '...survival of the fittest...' and people are seeing NS more like a passing phrase in their life than national duty to service the nation.
The heartware is precariously missing and you find people going through the motion or vanishing into the background when REAL issues, REAL stuff are needed for REAL man to tackle, handle and resolve - nothing comes before the thought of covering their ass first. Absolutely nothing. Everyday, everyone is only interested when the clock strikes 1730 hrs... all the way until they have amicably post out or discharge of service.
Leaving the rot for the people of integrity to cleanse them. And integrity doesn't exist in the service - even the core values are nothing but airy words told by commanders who doesn't even live in accordance to what they are preaching.
The 'boys' are still inevitably visible in the traits of those conscripted soldiers and worsen through regimentation. The 'top-to-down' or 'centralised' approach merely trained our boys to become more well behaved and not becoming 'man' as the quote suggested. My BMT sergeants always mentioned about 'thinking soldiers', which I have always thought it was oxymoron.
Thinking soldiers?
Only human thinks; soldiers are only taught to follow orders - somewhat a servile approach.
I spoke to many people, of all backgrounds and education level, throughout my enlightening journey and when I figured out how much they 'understands' about their country (and of course the Army), I was ghastly appalled by how nonchalant everyone's attitude towards it. This is inclusive of regulars, whom are supposed to 'buy' the military propaganda sold to them psychologically and live according to the insinuation.
In fact, most regulars are more interested in the money aspects of their career that it actually blinds their vision nothing wider than a dollar note. There aren't genuinely interested in serving the nation, the public and the people because this is how it was portrayed to me strongly. Like a pyramid model - the apex represents the commanders or leaders, while the bottom represents the work shouldered and done by the NSF.
Credits were stolen by higher management and blames are splattered across board when things goes awry. I even encountered certain junior commander misusing his newly discovered powers and several senior commander/s overly depending on NSF and exploiting them to perform their level of job.
I am completely at ease with warrant Al asking me to buy coffee on his behalf or even performing mundane tasks like photocopying, but obviously I wouldn't be expecting him to shove me the training program and asking me to handle it.
I can't even be bothered to pen down the identity of those riffraff being paid in multiples of my pay and requesting me to do their level or share of their work. Should ISD/MSD accidentally come across my blog and read this post, I could picture the look on their face as 'duh-we-knew-that-long-ago.'
This pseudo-world class organisation is nothing but a hush-hush organisation ran by incompetent leaders. The skeletons in those cupboards are well hidden and pry-protected by public eyes. So insidious that should we have an external, non-government audit, this can of worms will open up like how NKF did. The internal audit done are but facade and histrionic methods to ensure quality. Even the ISO are nothing but falsification and untrue to the actual picture.
And you expect me to entrust my life to a bunch of unproven commanders, who are probably only paper-smart and devoid of empathy for the common folks? I see this phenomenon crystal-clear DAILY when our RPs, after their fatigue duties, walking that stretch of road out of Sembawang Airbase and I see scores of commanders, in the comfort of their branded Mercedes or BMW cars, whizzing past the poor soldiers, without sparing a single thought of reliving them off that drudgery journey towards the gate, which ALL cars would essentially passed through as well.
So far, it is always the contractors (civilian) who have been helping the RPs unconditionally, mixed with few rare occasions of military personnel (usually WOSA). And when you have a young lady (half the time needed if she is pretty) going through the same thing, it wouldn't take long before somebody stop by and ferry her down.
Pray tell how do I respect someone for nothing? Commanders don't even fucking give a damn to lift their tiny finger to relieve these man, or fellow Singaporean as a matter of fact. If I have a car and I see someone walking that damn stretch of road out, I would kindly fetch him down, regardless of whether is it a man or woman, private or major because it doesn't even take much on my side. Even such little gestures are missing, then tell me how the respect is earned? Just because they are scholars or have been through OCS? Even base commander's position is an allocated spot for scholars so nicely placed when they sit in the system, everything else will run auto-pilot. SAF tried to force respect out of us via appointment or rank, but I cannot see myself respecting them simply because they have done nothing significant.
And sadly, the NSF man at the bottom of this 'food chain' are slave tools to serve those master above them through the element of fear in carefully disguised regimentation. Regimentation is but an excuse used by the organisation to reinforced the fear mindset into the minds of the NSF to follow the rules and constantly be placed on a tight leash on their conduct and behaviour... even till reservist.
I came across several NSman who were on pending charge case for missing his IPPT, RT, ICT, etc. And whenever I hear their story, I had nothing but a heart of sorrow for their predicament. One NSman was in the brink of bankruptcy when RSAF decides to charge him for missing his IPPT.
'Charge me? The bank is going to repossess my house anytime and you think I have the mood for IPPT? Charge me? Charge lah! I no money liao... or you want me go commit suicide to prove it to you??'
Another NSman was illiterate and the people around him are also uneducated. He cannot read English and I had to translate to him what his letter meant in chinese because my S1 was an Indian.
It was a charge letter.
Then you have one NSman who was charged for missing his RT.
'I work night shift and the afternoon is for me to rest and recuperate so that I have the energy to work later. You expect me to take RT in the evening and sacrificing my sleep? Then who is going to compensate me? My boss will fire me off my job!'
I feel for them, as fellow Singaporean, but there was simply nothing I can do. Regimentation is brought over into their civilian life, an intergal part of a larger plan, by this authoritarian government.
This is not a rant; more like statement from a disillusioned Singaporean, who went into National Service in good faith and came out devastated. Somewhat like realizing your father has kept a mistress behind your mother's back kind of feeling. In an instant, the loving figure shattered into millions of glass fragments and you know nothing will restore the perception ever again.
This is my National Service.
P.S: For those stupid enough to reckon that it is real - that is a toy gun.
Cheers
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