Aunt Agony II 040906

Originally posted by dirge:
Recently, I choose a thai ger over my ger of close to 8yrs, and I confess my actions to me ger..hurt her bad and at the same time, I felt real bad and pain in myself that I really duno who to turn to. Perhaps alot of you will say I deserve it, but I need to do something before things turn even bad.

Before I go to thailand for work, me and my gf have already decided to get engaged, got ourselves wedding band, and already inline for BTO flat..I felt so great that hey, things decided to settle down for me after close to 8 yrs together,so much effort time and money has went in.

Things started going topsy turvy while I'm in thailand..I get to know this ger, working in a night bazaar selling food..quite cheerful and friendly looking and initially, I told meself, not to get involve but eventually, get to know her. From the start, nothing really goes on, just like normal friends..cox she's bit of outgoing type and fun-loving, so I let me guard down. I also did not tell her I have gf back home.
After a few meetings, she told me alot of things about herself, and that, deep down-inside her, she needs lotsa love as she comes from a broken family and has been quite messy in life while she was young.She has stopped studying at 15 and party and lead a wilful life till few backs, her mom came to look back for her for the first time in her life. She stays in a rented apt and I been to her apt before and I felt that she's very independent in life..due to fact that environment has turn it this way. I must agree that she's good looking and great figure and her softness...in no way a sg ger can match...till now I still think so.
One day she asked me,what do I really want it be...just normal friends or be her bf. I don't know what I'm thinking and I told her be her bf. Gosh....I tot it might just be fling and that she's prob not treating it serious since I'll only there for a short period of time. She also says she's afraid that it'll be a wrong choice for her since I'm not a thai and I don't live there. One day, she told me that whatever will be, will be, nevermind bout the future how it will turn out, she just felt happy with me that I care for her. All this while, I did not let me gf(sgp) know. I know its bad but I just couldn't fight myself way out.
As time goes, she becomes more attach to me and one night, she slept with me and that she says, she really loves me and she's willing to do it with me. She took pills to prevent pregnancy and over 2 weekends, we stayed together at the hotel and she allows me to take pics and says that I can keep it because she wants me to look at it when I'm back home to help me remember her. What surprises me is that she quite spontaneous in bed and got me quite worried, like shes know her stuffs. Before she likes guys...shes a les before,had a couple of gf. Now that she turn over new life, due to fact that she lost hope on thai guys (2 failed ones).
All this while, I did not tell her that I'm not single and she has fear that my heart is like a condo(multi heart)
I left thailand for home, she called me on my mobile and its not cheap to do so to call from overseas, esp she does not earn that much, and shes willing to go thru this...it gives me a sense that, she's willing to put her heart to it.She even called when I'm in aus...even more ex...and she says that her misses for me overrules everything.
I felt that, she can adapt her environment well and even in harsh condition, she's stilll optimistic in life and I now have tot of bringing her over. She's ok with me and tells me, as long as I'm with her...it supercedes anything. All this while, I communicated in very little english with her, and she talks thai with me, though i'm not very good at the language, all the way I can manage to gather what she means. Now. she oftens takes picture of herself and emails me and i try phone her as much often n I'll be visiting her soon.
OF course..alot of worries cross me mind..like, if there's a future, how will it be with her.like, getting a status for her in sg, how she gona survive,interact,etc etc.
Right now..problems i need to solve is my BTO flat,my wedding bad,duno how it'll turn out. I really broke my gf(sgP) heart when I told her and I know its unfair to her. Y can't i broke up with the thai one instead and a few mths wins over a few yrs relationship? Is it fair for both the gers. However, till recently, I know that I will prefer a thai ger more than a sgp ger...its just that I do not have the courage to tell everyone...being the sterotype thinking in most of people that, hey, the thai gers just wanna get out of there and that, they will try at everything.
I made a mess in my life now..and I will not say that its my gf(sgp) fault though she over the years, has mad some impact in my thinking of spending time with a sgp ger.
I'm a jerk thats all.


This is blatantly art of seduction in full swing. I always believe that most men will lose, both heads, against a professional Siren because most man doesn't know how to handle a Siren, more than her leading you by your nose in this carefully crafted seduction spell that render you immobilised and awe by the power of fantasy, visual and sensuality.

When you sealed tight lips about your bona fide gf in Singapore, your subconscious have already decided to cheat.

You allowed your soul to accept the consequence of infidelity. This is a choice you have chosen - to be a promiscuous man.

Whatever story that she has weaved (authentic or not), seemed to compensate your ego of having to be a woman of fantasy, equipped with a sad tale... and only you are fit enough to be her knight in shining armour and release her from hell. In return, you are bestowed with a woman looking like model and a body like a coke bottle - submissive and attentive to your physical and emotional needs.

In fact, this is a fantasy you once thought of in the past, coming to reality.

You are in love with a fantasy, blinded by this hedonistic aura of light that keeps you bounded by her, which transcend distance. Singapore? No problem. Aussie? No problem. AOS speaks of its sixth strategy - the art of insinuation and CloUdiSm speaks about the theory of omnipresence; your mind is dominated and that is sufficient.

You must understand that you went overseas with vulnerability and emotional void. You are a perfect victim for woman like her because she seeks an isolated man like yourself, overseas with long, drudgery relationship back home. Like a chameleon; she could adapt and change into something that fits you nicely, something which you long for, but isn't substantial.

If you wish to turn this piece of fantasy into reality, you will probably be horrified by how hasty your fantasy crumbles, which will reveal a certain insidious reality about her and the consequence of having a relationship. Vice versa to her; you are a probably fantasy to her and if she were to know the truth, your image crumbles and reduced to that of her previous boyfriends - should all her story be the truth. You are unwilling to let that happen, which is the reason why you are not being truthful in the first place.

If you have a problem in your relationship, you don't avoid - you solve them. You introduce a third party, you complicate matters. If you have the courage to cheat, I don't see why you can't use the same courage to face the problems in your relationship. In fact, you probably need more to cheat than to face your BGR issues.

You ended your post with 'I am a jerk' - what are you trying to prove? Which also implied, what is this topic for? For others to hurl abusive words at you? So probably you can feel better? I supposed you have accepted this mess that you have inevitably created, as an integrated part of life, which probably hinted that you would go along with the destiny you have craved for yourself, by telling yourself you prefer thai girls than Singaporean ones.

Then go along with the thai girl and see where this choice will bring you. I don't think you are looking for advice more than a channel to release some guilt in you via words.

Cheers