Aunt Agony II 260906

Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:
Once, there is this guy A (33) , and this gal B (29). Gal B is a very sporty type, enjoy outdoor, the sun. Guy A is an indoor type, likes to stay at home and relax.
Guy is first bf for Gal. Gal is 2nd for Guy.

They are together for 2 years, before getting ROM. Before the ROM, the gal kick up a fuss and pick problems with the guy. All in the hope that the guy will find the gal irritating, and call off the ROM. After the ROM, the gal became havoc and stay out with frens, wanted to have fun. The guy kept quiet and the gal told the guy she regretted doing the ROM. The guy wore the wedding ring, the gal didn't. She still introduce the guy as "boyfriend". A month or so later, the guy stopped wearing the ring.

Some months later, they became ok, and they got a HDB. The guy took care of the reno, while the gal worked till late at night. They moved in together. After 1 year, the guy requested to have a traditional wedding dinner. The gal, fearing the same thing happen during ROM, would not like to have it. She needed more time for convincing herself. So, they had a quarrel over it. The guy relented and did not push further.

3 years have gone. Guy called the gal "Wife". Gal called guy "Hubby". In the 3 years, they went travel yearly, had fun doing stuffs together. Both had change for each other, guy became more outdoor, and gal loves to be with the guy. During this time, there are no big arguments or quarrels.

Gal went searching for wedding venues, and showed to the Guy. The guy wasof cos, very happy. They went and decided on the venue, and got the wedding package. They had a great day with the photoshoot. Inivitations were printed as well.

2 months before wedding. Gal went for a night outing with frens, and the Guy called her a few times to return as it is late (11pm ~ 3am). The gal became angry. They quarrel. The gal wanted to call off the wedding dinner. The guy knew she is purposely doing the same thing so as to call off the dinner. Guy asked her. She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.

Now, both guy and gal is feeling miserable. Gal wanted to have sometime alone to think about what she really wants. Guy is waiting. There are options :

a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?

b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)

c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)

d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.

What do you think?


Emotionally, the woman is not ready for marriage, albeit her mind is probably hinting to her that she isn't young anymore and should be thinking of settling down. That is probably the reason why she accepted his ROM/HDB proposal, only to be defeated by her own introspection later on, fueled by individualism and wilfulness.

One major concern to her subconsciously is that probably because she only has one boyfriend in her life, there isn't any comparison nor choices. The only man she could claim as boyfriend monopolised and provided the framework and cosmic lesson she ought to grasp in BGR aspect. Her stark confusion is because ONCE the wedding dinner is hosted (announcement to friends, family and relatives), she would inevitably have that notion that there are more responsibilities, yet not necessary more happiness.

She probably feared to gamble her marriage on the ONLY known 'product' she has knowledge of.

I realized that every time when she hangs out with her friends, something drastic would happen. It is quite possible that the man could pick up important clue as to understand why is she so evasive towards marriage from them. Perhaps they are partial influence, or perhaps she might have told them something that the man is unconscious about (e.g. that she could be holding onto a certain past and has yet to initiate movement in her life, someone else initiate a chase, etc).

Too much individualism in a person makes him/her less domestic. When people are too used in enjoying freedom, sometimes, they are reluctant to give up this lifestyle in exchange for a marriage.

The man will likely to wait because he is unlikely to give her up and replay the dating scene (partially due to age and the desire for stability). I guess the ball lies with the woman. I believe that she still desire to be courted by someone else, given the choice, before she could make a decision. And a last thing she would ever want to face is to meet another person significant to her AFTER she has decided to commit.

She has fleeting emotions and not very decisive in judgment. I suggest a third party sort of mediation and counselling. Go for marriage preparation course or something and make decision AFTER that.

Cheers