Sweet Nothings (For the Girly Stuff)

Alrighty.

For all the girls that are sugar and spice, and all that's nice.

You can check out some girly thingy here:

http://sweetn0things.wordpress.com/

Disclaimer: Go through yunhaier also no discount. So don't flood my msn or email. ^^

Cheers

Aunt Agony 060508

Originally posted by smooth12:

hello guys
i need some help here. i cant stop feeling jealous whenever any guy gets close with my girlfriend. I don't know whether i am being over possesive or not. But i do

know one thing. I hate this feeling.
there was this once when i found out that the password for her to log into the computer is her ex-bf handphone number. i dunno how to describe how i feel when i found out about that. she told me that her father and younger sis use her computer too so last time when she tried to change the pass, her father scolded her for changing becoz he already memorised that "password". so she kept her ex-bf handphone number as the password.

We were already 3 months plus being together at that time. Is it a valid reason to keep ur ex bf hp number as password for ur laptop? i mean, she take quite sometime to memorise mine but she already still have her ex-bf number all at her fingertips. I cant bear to imagine that the past few months everytime she turn on her laptop, she will be reminded of her ex-bf and everytime before we even chat on msn, she will type in the password which will remind her of her ex-bf before me. she said she changed the pass

one week later after the incident. i didnt try myself to see whether she changed it though.
and there was this once she went for a camp. she was a station master with another guy. i was in school at that time and decided to find her. we talked a bit and told her i wanna see her event but only from afar. well everything was going fine. the camp participants were very enthusiastic. it was when the group left when things happened.

i was sitting down from a higher level and all was clear view. she knew that too. the group of participants left and the other station master (guy) started to playfully splash water at my gf. my gf than laugh and shout2 throwin back some water sending signals to the guy that it is an acceptable behaviour. the guy started to playfuly chase my gf with water they both chase each other splashing water happily and laughing. after the pail of water finish. the guy and my gf took one pail each. stand close to each other, talk2 than walk side by side out of my view to a toilet to refill water.all this happened with my gf knowing me looking down at her. but she did came back and called me to ask where i am and found me with a dissapointed face. i mean is it me being jealous too easily or i was right to be jealous?

where do i draw the line? sumone help me please.

There isn't a thing as the prerogative to be jealous; we merely justify this feeling as a result of some external events that we did not how to resolve or interpret emotionally, hence we classify it as jealousy. There isn't an absolute line to draw, other than independent self regulation to minimize feeling crappy.

The password thing, imho, is completely nonsense. CloUdiSm classify it as symbolic jealousy, where people are affected because they compose meaning to an act or behavior that by itself has no other implication other than its functional meaning. You unconsciously suspect that there 'must' be something going on within her, since she is using her ex-bf mobile number, but hell, that probably represents none of your speculation.

What happens is that you are likely:

1) You are an insecure person.

2) Sees love as a form of possession. (Unconscious perception belongs to a lower plane in love - CloUdiSm).

As for her playing a fool, are you expecting her to wear a stern face and go through the camp as if the world owes her a great deal? Of course she would want to make merry and have fun. Your emotions are a trigger of your defensive mechanism - when you find it difficult to accommodate the new found knowledge internally and resolve it (probably worst if you are a Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius or Taurus).

Everyone generally suffers various degree of jealousy - the only cause for concern lies when jealousy adversely affects the relationship, be it whether it is justified or not. One myth about jealousy is that some people believed that it only manifest through triggering from the external environment - but the truth is that it's almost 100% an inside job. Jealousy is a self demon - the people around you cannot feel the intensity of your emotion, unlike anger or fear, and it is often insidious.

Like some hideous phantasmal forces, it feeds on your gnawing inferiority, gaining strength as your self esteem fades from the lack of holistic understanding in love. If you want to work on 'jealousy', you got to work on your insecurity - by patching the emotional vulnerabilities that allow this 'demonic emotions' to exploit your inner self.

The causes of insecurity are myriad and it isn't easy to pinpoint the exact root; even more arduous to implement changes.

But I will just leave you with a simple thought to ponder:

You can't stop love from leaving on its own accord, but you have every span of control to prevent yourself from pushing love away. Ironically, most people understood this only when they understood regret. Perhaps enlightenment and regret is but two side of the coin, derived from the same product.

Cheers

KO Nite (Elimination Round)

It was packed - so I just decided to snap a random shot.

Good luck to Josh! ^^

SNTD (with Candy)

I thought this is lost.

But I FOUND IT! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Enjoy!

Aunt Agony 020508

Originally posted by couch^potato:

feeling so demoralised. depressed about my breakup with my 6 yr relationship. dunno why my gf now ex must always leave me at crucial times. last time i accident and while recovering within the first 2 months(still recovering after 2 yrs..coz major accident) she broke up saying that i was boring. now i having my exams next week and she broke up again with me about 2 weeks ago. feel like shit really. cant study at all. no mood. wanna enjoy but also worried about my exams. dunno why but she always seem to be leaving me when i need her the most. i am unable to move on also because my heart feels so heavy. really v depressed and i am already mentally prepared to repeat my yr. :( why is it that she always leaves me when i need her the most? i just cant bring myself to accept her again if ever she comes back :(

Before you begin dwelling in some incessant, bottomless pit of melancholy and depression, I think you need to have some deeper understanding of the misery you are into: there is quite a bit of narcissism, mourning why your ex-girlfriend always leave you in a lurch. However, when you reverse that self pity thought, I wondered why in the first place would you accept her again only to grant her access to create a second misery in your life one more time?

In love, we all have that bit of narcissistic self, craving for the certain attention, love and companionship from our other half. It is natural. However, I cannot stress enough on the fact that your individual happiness in any relationship cannot be entirely depended on another person. The mindset of 'I can only be happy in his/her presence' merely suggested that you are not only emotionally instable, but also lacking the innate self love you ought to brandish before you could start expanding this very love to another person and forge meaningful bond we called 'relationship'.

Perhaps you are also blinded by the fact that this is already a 6 years relationship and it feels painful to relinquish an investment you have so carefully nurtured. But technically speaking, it's even less than 6 years - considering the fact that every time you broke off, it starts from point zero and not where you last end off. This will inflate your perceived misery and forms a 'Greater Lost Syndrome' in love (CloUdiSm).

Your sense of abandonment is reiterated, as you are unyielding to accept any possibilities in breaking-up or moving on. You merely create an avenue for your individual cosmic lesson to replay this excruciating karmic debt of helplessness and abandonment once again. You might clenched your fist and adamantly refuse to accept your outcome, but death in love is deaf and it hears no denial.

Once the lessons are provided spiritually, any attempt to lengthen it often promise prolong wretchedness.

Perhaps it's time for you to preview your situation and decide if it is worth the while to yearn for someone who doesn't really bother about you. In Love, we cannot always use the same yardstick to measure our relationship six years ago and now - for we have evolved emotionally and psychologically, thus our needs, expectation and personality will surely change over the years.

There are times when Love becomes irrelevant gradually - not because it did not exist in the first place, but rather, your spiritual journey with her has come to fruition and there is nothing else this relationship could provide for you.

Find someone who could walk through life with you, and not overly focus your effort on people who are bound to get down after a few bus stops. You can't stop them because that is their destination.

Cheers

Dreams

I just realized that einein knows Kewei.

Not that I am particularly surprised, considering the fact that they are both within the Mando-pop industry. (And Douglas if you are watching this, perhaps it might stir a something within).

What I find it inspiring is this undying, passion einein has with music. She quit her overseas accounting job and still end up in doing the things she loved best eventually. I remembered having this mad-long-ago conversation with her & Douglas on MSN - she always address me in mandarin under '云孩儿' (instead of yunhaier) and I randomly called her 键盘仙子.

Cognitively, I still find it easier to manage my expectation of her dancing her fingers through the keyboard, playing Bosso Nova, than living in the role of a 8-5 accountant.

After all, 键盘仙子没有了音乐或键盘，哪里像个键盘仙子？ 哈哈!

***

Dreams... Do you have one?

I realized that people gave up pursing things they once loved, probably debilitated by this unhealthy drudgery way of life in Singapore until life becomes terribly mundane - we rapidly lose interest with things that beget little monetary returns.

We start measuring the world we live in economically and invest in relative happiness that ironically did not provide as much fulfillment, in comparison to some of the simplest activities we engaged in during our younger days. It wasn't mindless; it was carefree and desire was largely unfettered... something that you wanted and could be done in matter of split-second choice.

I realized that as people age, dissatisfaction apt to grows astronomically, unless active steps are taken to address this issue. I observed this phenomenon from my workplace - marketing folks really 干 no life - everyone slogs like a cow because the demand of this job requires you to be one. There is no two way about it.

If I did not have the unwavering vision for Kosen Rufu with HR crew or even the wisdom to pursue this humanistic degree and the determination to complete CloUdiSm, I seriously reckon that I will hit a quarter-life crisis even before I turn 30.

I love my job... love my team... love the people I work with - but still it doesn't fulfill me absolutely. I realized that something is critically missing and I cannot pinpoint exactly what it is. It feels very important to me, but I cannot discern exactly what is it that I need to have before I can start feeling wholesome.

I suspect it probably has something to do with my Sagittarius Neptune in 12th house.

Are you going to be overwhelmed by your daily task, until your vision in life becomes blurred and distant?

I say hold onto that love you have and not lose focus.

We only fucking live once; hence, before my life expires into the state of Ku, I must achieve self actualization and leave behind a legacy of my life work.

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail - R W Emerson

P.S: To read Chinese characters, go to View and encode to Unicode (UTF-8)

Cheers

冰格格 X Kiks Tyo X Aki Hoshino

Kiks Tyo is rocking Taiwan now - but I think I am lagging a little with regards to this pic.

Aunt Agony 280408

Originally posted by rx7Savanna:

I'm so confused over what I should do now.. Me is 19 and my ex is 17.. She is still a first year and I'm into final year of studies. We broke up last week as she said she cannot cope with the stress of her parents that have been reminding her not to get a stead, and her concentration of her school work.. and therefore she decided to let go..

However, I've found out that there are other reasons that she wanted to let go. First she cannot stand my attitude of dealing with problems and the habit of didn't really plan ahead. She prefer someone that will plan ahead of things. However, I've promised my best buddy whom i've known for 6 years and her that I would change and prove them wrong that I can infact change, which i'm trying now..

And one more reason is that she had realised that a guy left a very good impression on her and can take care of her better than me and can plan ahead.. she intents to go steady with him soon and i believe it's somewhere this week..

I tried to show that I've change by showing her care and concern and asking her is there any problems to share but what i'm getting is just cold responses from her.

I intend to ask her how is she going to plan ahead to deal with her parents if she going to get a bf again and how is she going to plan for their responses since she said that her parents had consistently nagged at her that she shouldn't get a bf.

I feel that the reason she gave me on her stressful parents is contradicting on what she's doing now.. like as if finding some excuses to hush me up for the time being..

so what's your advice? continue to prove them wrong or just give up on her?

and I'm sincerely sorry for the wordiness..

There are two parts to this:

I) You are right in saying that her reason for break up is merely a reason to diss you off. And if you haven't realize by now - any reason will suffice actually. After all, words are just words - the content isn't as important as the intention.

In the other side of this context: if a person genuinely wants to remain in a relationship, even for the wrong reason, she will stay. Nothing can make her leave if she is bends on remaining.

You cannot force Love upon another just because you desire it so - much more than the willingness for a person to be with you.

II) If you are determined to change your flaws, it must be a revolution from within and not some feeble method to 'win her back'. The latter is often a short term measure to rebrand your identity, but since the core hardly changes, you will probably revert back once the 'inflated initiative boost' wears off.

People often talk, very superficially, about how they will change in name of Love, but I can tell you most merely end up diverting these negativities into other section of emotions or energy and not learning to resolve them through higher/spiritual understanding.

If your ability to evolve is largely depended on the existence of others and their approval, then you will lead a life where your growth is limited by the kind of people that live in your environment.

Sometimes in Love, one must learn to release before one can learn to walk forward.

Cheers

FantaZia

FantaZia X HRC (+ 六月)

(Edited upon Von's correction)

Aunt Agony 270408

Originally posted by Dongybell:

It has been a long time since I hit the forums. I usually do that only when I feel extreme loneliness.

Today, I found out my exbf has found a new girl. It has been almost half a year since we broke up, but I cant seem to get over him. We were together for more than two years. As I type this, tears cant stop flowing down my cheeks. Everyday I am kept busy with school and outing with friends. But everything I do seems to remind me of him. I still yearn for him to come back to me. I always thought there will be a chance, but now, I feel so crushed. So depressed.

I hate this feeling. I am scared.

Albeit it has been almost half a year, you have not moved an inch.

You merely delay resolving the outcome until a later date.

Now that that second verdict is out (first is when the both of you broke up), it seemed that you have reiterated this crisis a second time, like rewinding the entire episode once again within your psyche.

Then problem doesn't lies with the time that has passively passed you by; rather, it's the inability to accept your situation that is causing you great misery.

You have two choices: to continue with denial tactics or to dissolve this pain through higher understanding.

Until the day you become gain acceptance, only then, recovery can begin its work.

Cheers

Clot VS Silly Thing

LAI AR! SIO PA AR!

Clot VS Silly Thing! Woohoo!

In Edi's own words "I feel sorry for the people who are saying and talking shit bout Clot saying their brand is better. We at Clot will never speak about who is hotter, we let the people decide.'

I say gimme Original Fake and Kaws any time.

I love XX. =D

Aunt Agony II 200408

Originally posted by JasonC:

She was the sister of a friend's friend.
Nearly a year ago, We chanced upon each other by accident and we started keeping in contact via email.

Then there was a slight misunderstanding (she thought i was keen on someone else) and we didn't really talk for six months.

Recently she asked me out for coffee and in the midst of our conversation(s), we cleared up that misunderstanding

Since then we've been in contact almost daily, and we've been going out more frequently (not as frequent as i'd like thou!)

she informs me when she's heading out, lets me know when she's home from a late night out, etc. I'm pleasantly pleased with this; When i was contemplating a job offer that would require me to travel frequently, for a number of years, one of her first reactions was "does that mean i'll only get to see you in a few years' time?

its been two months since we caught up with each other again, and i'm this time, i'm pretty sure she's the one i want in my life;

A few days back, I tried to sound her out, but I had a feeling that she knew what was coming (either that or i was over sensitive) for that meetup was pretty tense.

Things were still the same after that, so i'm pretty glad for that.

Now I've came to know that there's possibly another guy in the picture.
but she wouldn't say much, other than that's a friend (she does have quite a few male friends)

I know i should come clean with how i feel, but is this a good time, or should i observe more?

One thing i noticed, we tend to think too much for the other party, and sometimes, this leads to a lack of action by both parties. this is bad, i know, and i'm working on it.

Can any kind souls please advise?

This is probably similar to a salesman who does his pitching but doesn't know how to close the deal.

Yeah... the price is clear. So is the function, the unique selling point, the need, the desire, the service, the aftersales service, the warranty, the setup, the additional accessory, the colour, the size, the model, the discount, the free premium, the contract period, the number of users.. blar blar blar blar blar.

Sheesh, so how do I get her to close the deal?

Just pass her a pen and sign the acknowledgement. Done.

Albeit you like her customized attention to you, but you still must recall that ultimately, you two are not yet a couple, yet acting, in certain aspects, like one. I reckoned that there is too much of that grey line in which your friendship with her have inevitably transformed into. Informing you when she is going out and coming back is a little too much for just mere friends - but because there is this distinct passiveness in your attitude towards the chase, it's probably just hanging there.

You are probably just maintaining status quo.

I don't understand how competition can change your stand in loving someone. You mean just because someone is probably in the picture and that per se could deter you from advancing?

Observers are only meant for football games - if you have no intend to play the game, then I suggest you could make better use of your time by doing other constructive things - like focusing on your career. Though nobody wants to play a soccer game only to lose, but if you don't start the match, you will never know the outcome.

Be a player, not a punter.

Cheers

Godlike X Triple Kill Lich

MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!

Aunt Agony 200408

Originally posted by SuPerNovas:

I hate someone.

When i see there someone, all the painful memories appear infront of me.

How i wish there someone can just disappear from my life forever.

You don't hate her.

You merely hated a part of your memory, which is essential a part of yourself.

You cannot make her disappear, but you can learn to accept this part of yourself until you become indifferent to her presence.

Cheers

OF Winter Exhibition Invites

This is OF winter exhibition invites! OMG! Even the envelope got chomper marking.

This is dope branding down to the very detail!

Love this!

Cheers

Plagiarizing (And I am so fucking pissed)

It gets damn fucking annoying having to discover that my online works get plagiarized by someone, who did not fucking credit the source nor the author (myself). What this shit did was absolutely disgusting till the point of no return. I diplomatically left a remark to 'kindly inform' him that he should credit the source or myself should he wish to repost my story written by me.

But what he did was to delete my comment and left a remark saying that he would.

When I affronted him about his rationale of deleting my comments with another remark, he yet again deleted my comment and goes on some deranged-trying-to-act abstract remark, in which I will quote:

'There's reason behind everything anybody do..Dun you agree?? For example deleting your comments. Trust me.. You can check back here if you wan to.. But i will do the neccesary stuff..'

For example deleting my comments? It simply turn my blood towards boiling point whenever people response to me with an act-smart reply that they don't even fucking know what the hell they are saying. The reason is so moronically blatant to me: his friends are all under the impression that the stories he has posted are written by him. And because he did not credit (and certainly he did not even attempt to clarify), he conveniently pass off my work as his own! And you know what? His whole blog is almost nothing but my writings! And to prevent his friends from knowing, he deleted my comments. Duh! I don't even have to spare a cell in my brain to know why.

By the fucking way, necessary is spelled as N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y, without a double C.

He posted my first story, titled 'Bus Ride' - and like all the stories I have written, I have always alter the names of all my characters because most of them are true reflection of real people in reality anyway.

I would always include this disclaimer: 'Names have been changed to protect identity'.

Upon searching through his blog, I revoltingly discovered that he added another disclaimer:

'Bus number has also been changed to keep location confidential'

Simply WTF la! My bus number also change for me! Really piece of shit man. Changing the bus number and even incorporating the additional disclaimer does not make this story his you know?

If you are inspired, then fucking learn to create your own works and not assume people's efforts as your own. If your life is so fucking sad and you have nothing to blog, then first learn to create your OWN identity before you talk about it.

You can't talk about something you don't have.

Post Mortem Discussion (HR 'Supper session' on 110408)

Interestingly as per yesterday conversation, I read an article this morning in Straits Time forum about proselytizing or sharing of religious faith.

***

RE: Let's respect a person's private space in public

I WAS sitting alone in my school canteen one afternoon when a girl came up to me and asked if I had time to spare. Yes, it was yet another get-to-know-God session.

I'm sorry if this sounds impolite, but I've had enough of such encounters in school and other public places.

I find the increasingly noticeable trend by Singaporeans to proselytise in public worrying.

It is not uncommon when one is sitting alone outside Starbucks, or on a bench in school, to find oneself being approached by some stranger who starts introducing his or her concept of religion.

It may be acceptable to spread one's religion by setting up a booth at Orchard Road, putting up a website, or distributing fliers but it should not go further.

Proselytizing in school is too much. I am well aware that these people mean well, and feel intensely about their beliefs and that good things are meant to be shared. I feel the same way about my religion too but I do not do what they do because it is not the right way to share my beliefs.

Such get-to-know-God sessions are undemocratic because they indirectly convey the message that a person feels his religion is superior to the beliefs of others, and that others should therefore switch.

It is also intrusive especially if courtesy requires one to listen when one wishes to turn away. I am glad that my friends, who are of a different religion, do not try to convert me.

Religious freedom does include the right not to be annoyed by someone who over-enthusiastically tries to promote his or her beliefs.

Tolerance and acceptance have their limits.

I believe that the only way for a person to win respect for himself and his beliefs is for that person to be a good person first.

He should embody the values which his beliefs teach him, and prove the strength of love through actions, not sermons.

Show me that your beliefs make you a better person, and that your religion makes you care for the world; that is all you need to do.

After encountering one too many sessions in public, I think that there perhaps should be a law to ban such religious touting.

Wee Feng Yi (Ms)

***

I will quote fromYasuji Kirimura book:

'...The five guides are the criteria Buddhists should take into consideration in propagating faith. There are: (1) correct understanding of the teaching, (2) a correct understanding of the people's capacity, (3) a clear recognition of the current of the times, (4) an accurate evaluation of a society and the culture, (5) a solid grasp of the philosophies and systems of thoughts which have been propagated to date....'

Then he goes on:

'... There are two methods of propagating Buddhism: Shakubuku and Shoju... Strictly speaking, however, there is a definite difference between them. The important thing is to employ the most appropriate method depending on the situation. If we practice Shakubuku when shoju would be better, inappropriate method causes unnecessary friction and delays the progress of kosen-rufu. When shakubuku is utilized to teach those who have a misguided concept about Gohonzon, we should know what to refute. We have to correct mistaken views about the Gohonzon, but it is unnecessary to try to change a person's view on life and the world even though we may disagree with them. Rather, we should have faith that if the fundamental attitude towards Buddhism changes and a person begin to practice it sincerely, he will gradually change his views on life and the world on his own accord.'


Cheers

Aunt Agony II 100408

Originally posted by yahoo.com

Hi everyone. i had posted a few times earlier. dunno if u guys remember me. but anyway i am back once again to seek some clarity in confronting my problems. hope i can get some feedback from the different people and their views. :)

Me and my gf have been together for like 6 yrs now. during this 6 yrs we had our ups and downs and we broke up 3 times before. each time after the break up, i got into a rebound relationship where i enjoyed the company of the new gal but never did i love them. nevertheless i did my utmost best for the gals giving most of my time. but each time whenever the one i truly love(my gf let's call her 'A") contacts me, we actually patched back because we missed each other alot. i am actually of a different race from my gf. my gf is chinese and she has been my first gf ever. The first time we broke up was because after 3 yrs of being together with her, she persistently sought a breakup as the solution to our problems. i had endured enough for the 3 yrs and just after an accident i went through, she asked for a break up yet again. this time i complied because i decided i had enough.

A month after this, i had another gf 'E' who i had lots of fun with. she brought a new meaning to my life because i was enjoying getting to know another gal. i had previously devoted my self n time to just 'A' and didnt mix with other gals at all. but i was unhappy deep down in my heart because i knew 'E' was never gonna be the gal i am going to settle down with. and finally 3 months after being with 'E' i mustered the courage to break up with 'E' and reconciled with 'A' after 'A' had gotten into contact with me. (i admit i am a soft hearted person where i can take care of a person and am prepared to live with the person and take care with her even though i do not like her. it's due to my stupid feeling of being responsible for my actions) that's why i say that i mustered the courage to break up with 'E' because 'E' was a very good and nice gal. she never angered me nor showed any signs of bad temperedness that 'A' exhibited. but still i left her n got back with 'A'

After getting back with 'A' i realised that things were never going to be the same. i tried as much as i could but i just took the relationship for granted. i never wanted to see her as much as i used to want to see her. i just enjoyed the intimacy that we had and also the fact of having someone whom i loved beside me. also during the breakup prior to this, i got into contact with many gals and realised that there is a whole wide sea out there. there are indeed so many gals who are better than 'A' and i wanted to make as many female frenz as i could. i didnt wanna be stuck in the same situation as to hafing a frenz circle with no gals in them at all again. so i kept in touch with all the gals i made frenz with. i didnt like them but just u know, keep in touch and the occasional lunch/dinner kinda thing.

My gf 'A' was extremely unhappy that i wasn't giving my all in the relationship. i admitted to her that i couldnt give my all after what had happened and that i will try my best to spend time with her. but that wasnt enuf for her. she wanted me to stop my clubbings(with guy group..no gals inside and my gf A knows my 2 guy frenz). she says that i will be stolen by other gals. to me, i am an average person and being from the minor race, i dun fancy anyone of my race and also the chance of me getting together with ANOTHER chinese gal is extremely slim and so i told her not to be afraid. despite that 'A' was still worried and would follow me on my clubbing sessions. one day on my bday, she got so angry that a gal was dancing with me when i swear that i didn't. the gal who was dancing close to me was a fren who was dancing with ANOTHER gal. this set up another storm of fights between her n me. even my fren who wasnt drunk vouched for me that i DID NOT dance with any other gal. so after those arguments we broke up again.

after this breakup, 2 months later i got involved with another gal of the same race as me. again i felt very unhappy and this gal 'G' had a bf who she was not happy with also. so we spent much time together. i told myself that i will leave when i find someone who i really love and i hope that it had better be soon. 'G' had also told me that she liked this relationship to be open in the sense that either of us could leave anytime and we would respect the other party's decision. 4 months later, G and me broke up because i could not stand the idea of 'sharing' her with another guy because when her actual bf was ard i could not contact her. her promise of choosing either one of us was also taking a longer time than she said so i decided to end it. i felt good about it because i knew she was not who i loved.

suddenly by god's grace, the very next day, 'A' contacted me saying that she was drunk and asked if i could send her home. after like 6 months of no contact, i decided that i shall go and see the one whom i really loved. after sending her home, she confided that she loved me alot (in a sober state of course) and that she has never chosen anyone else despite our breaking up for so long. (she is a very pretty gal being sought after by many many guys) so we got back together. things were fine at first. she really had changed for the better by so much! she was very mild tempered. she was very into her new found religion. but she never trusted me. she was always suspecting that i was chatting up other gals etc. yes it's true that i do chat on the irc and msn. i haf tons of contacts whom i do not know and am just a virtual fren with to them. so whenever ppl have problems i tend to lend a listening ear to them.

there was this once where this gal was having prob and i told her that not to worry so much. even me haf a gf but i am not happy in the relationship. there are many ppl out there who are much better than her ex-bf etc etc. and my gf stumbled about thissaved msn chatlog. we argued abt it and i told her that i was only coaxing the gal. why didnt she read all those other msn msgs where i so happily told to all my frenz that i patched back with my gf n i really love her alot etc etc. from then on after seeing that msg she has never trusted me.

she will always read my frenster msgs and get angry whenever i add any gal. when she asks me why i did tat, i just tell her that i do not know the gal at all. which is true. i just add becoz she added me. is this wrong?.even the status of being 'single' in frenster got her angry. but i put as 'single' becoz we always break up n reconcile. whenever i change everyone in my list knows what happens and my lifestory become public. i hate that and so i decided to leave it as 'single' forever. this one also is wrong in her eyes.!!! anyway after having so much problems with frenster i deleted it away for her. the latest problem was today when i tried to get a client for my brother.(this client is my fren whom my gf 'A' and me and her together with another 5 frenz went ktv singing togther on friday) in doing so, she read a conversation sms i had with another female fren. in it i playfully told my female fren liek this "ya lor.. i msg her coz she wan buy thing from my brother wat. u wanna buy thing from my bro meh? thats y no msg u but msg her instead. no la.actaully i love her i just realised today. thats why i msg her. haha" i and my fren always tok like this.. but my gf upon seeing this sms she got angry. and she started showing me face and wanted to break up again. i started to coax her and i could see that she was really very tired of being in this relationship. i tried explaining myself that if i did have anything to hide i will not even be keeping that msg in my hp. in fact i should be the one doubting her because she is the one who is in sales and always haf customers sending her lovey dovey gdnite msgs. but i have never doubted her nor always check her hp. but she always do this to me.

now i am in a predicament. i dun wanna continue arguing all the time. but i also do not wanna break up. and i am always the playful type who will joke and tok alot to gals infront of my gf. i feel that toking in front of her means that i got nothing to hide. even so, those gals all know that my gf is there with me. and i am really tired of always not earning my gf's trust. she never trusts me and it seems that checking on my email,frenster,hp is becoming a daily affair. so can someone pls tell me what i should do? and she always thinks that i haf alot of gals going after me when in fact most of my free time is spent with her.

is leaving her the right thing to do? in that sense, she will haf a chance to learn to trust another person who might become her bf. because she never trusts me so when we get married this will certainly pose a big problem.

but if we breakup i am damn sure that i will be very unhappy. i dun even think i can learn to love another person again. i just wanna study and earn more money now. btw i am 26 and my gf is coming to 25 so pls dun think we are those small boy small gal dunno how to think and get into love etc.

i thank those for giving constructive points for my complicated relationship.

Interestingly, there are also significant percentage of people in their late adulthood, suffering from what you deemed as 'small boy small gal' problems, especially when earlier stages of love development wasn't mastered or completely avoided by the individual. And apparently, your relationship is not even close to harvest, despite, surpassing the age of adolescent, having full autonomy of your personal life and leading a relationship of six years.

What I am trying to bring across is that our understanding in Love and our chronological age can be quite mutually exclusive.

Also, I would like you to understand that Love doesn't flow in a linear format, dictated superficially merely by the length of time. The eventful journey in which you have arrived at - is largely due to the cause set by your past circumstances, which tripled in strength and smashing you with karmic crisis after crisis, because they is a blatant lack of wisdom, in aspect of Love and relationship.

Because she is your first love, chances are, you will always have a soft spot for her. Enduring initial three years of nonsense might have seemed to be a long frame of misery, but not when your world only revolves around her. Problem only comes after you gain this short independence - you start to realize that the world is larger than what you could ever imagine.

This discovery is like a overstretched rubber band that cannot restore itself back to its original shape because there are indeed many fishes in the pond and there is absolutely no way you can now delete that knowledge. There is a distinctive kind of 'damage' dealt to your emotional self and your overall experience in Love, just like a kid who has been barred from playing outside his house. Upon first breath of freedom out of his house, he will run straight towards the soccer ball that has been lying outside the field all these while (as he has been observing quietly through the window while remaining 'captive' inside the house).

This is exactly what you did; you entered into meaningless relationship for relative comfort and happiness upon hasty exit of your previous relationship. Also, there is a gnawing fear infesting within your soul, you actively kept a horde of female friends, subconsciously forming a kind of 'safety net' because fear has taught you not to entrust your world to just one person.

Can you love without trust?

Surely, your fear is dominating you much more than you realize- it has probably transformed into a phobia. You will probably panic the minute you do not feel 'alternatives' around you. Don’t get me wrong; it's actually healthy to keep friends of both genders, even if you are in a relationship, but the difference lies in your mindset in adopting female friends. And it has nothing to do with whether you are interested in them or not; the reason why your relationship never walked out of turmoil upon second and third patch is because you remained uncommitted yourself.

The act of constant sourcing reveals your inability to remain committed to YOURSELF, yet subconsciously demanding this quality from your other half, in face of your relationship. This creates a inevitable distance and pressure on your relationship, creating more suspicion and mistrust in her attitude towards you. Then when you sense her wrath of god every other occasion, it actually fuel your self fulfilling prophesy in NOT having to invest commitment to just one individual, while you rationalize that you did not cheat her in any ways.

This is actually bi-directional.

Your flippant ways triggered her insecurity and caused her to lock her grip on you. In response, your fear to be imprisoned is triggered and you constantly shape-shift your position to resolve this fear of being blinded to only one person.

Why would I claim that you are uncommitted, yet demanding commitment from your partner subconsciously? Upon careful examination in your relationship with G; you have shown an intolerance towards this her natural MIA whenever G is with her bf. Take note that the clauses you have set for yourself are mutually agreed, that this is an open relationship, yet you are unable to stomach this very set of rules you have lay down.

If you noticed, after the intense break up after the clubbing incident, you attracted G, whom is also non-committed herself. This is a reflection of an old law in CloUdiSm, where we attract the quality we exude. Simply put, if you are uncommitted, you attract uncommitted partners. And I must stress that 'commitment' doesn't mean that you are promiscuous and cheat on your other half - it simply means that you find it arduous to meld into love, holding conscious, deliberate reservation.

You adamantly felt that she is the only one you will love and stubbornly decide that no one else can give you happiness. Ironically, I don't see you being very happy in your relationship right now though.

Do something right for once; should you decide to break off, do it neat and don't ever look back to patch for the fourth/fifth/sixth times.

You are probably just delaying the inevitable.

But if you are bend on staying, then you really got to talk about this love and fear that has been circulating throughout your six years relationship. Lay terms and adjust what you and her ought to should do to allay the stress on this relationship. She is probably just as unhappy as yourself, so make it a point to discuss the root of this unhappiness and seek a mutual solution to dissolve this.

Chances are, she doesn't feel that you are spending most of your free time with her. And chances are, you don't really understand her phobia in seeing you walk away from the relationship (it is likely a self fulfilling prophesy on her end and now she is paying through her misery as this relationship has already 'walked out' on her three times). Since you have said that this is not a 'small boy small girl' problem - then learn to exercise some maturity and wisdom in ending your plight once and for all (be it leaving or staying).

Cheers

Aunt Agony 100408

Originally posted by Ecko_Geek:

I’d once told myself to give up love. But what would you do if it comes knocking on your door? You either have to accept or reject…can never be both. For me it did come and knock on my cold steel door. The loudness of the knocking grew fainter over time. When I decided to check on it, no one was there, instead, he/she went knocking on someone else’s door. I might be ignorant or plain stupid back then. So, will there be a next time?....coz I’ve ripped the steel door apart

If you are always making bad judgment and living in the past, like what you did when your previous experience caused you to 'give up love' and you are now regretting like hell - I really suggest you start picking up the pieces and learn to look forward.

It's not really about 'the next time' - the problem is: would you even recognize when the opportunity comes? Also, will you still continue to cry over spill milk and screw up your 'next time?’ And then start frantically pray for the ‘next next time?’

Cheers

Lumpy X Jinwen

I realized that JW looks alot like Lumpy from HTF.

WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!