Originally posted by rx7Savanna:
I'm so confused over what I should do now.. Me is 19 and my ex is 17.. She is still a first year and I'm into final year of studies. We broke up last week as she said she cannot cope with the stress of her parents that have been reminding her not to get a stead, and her concentration of her school work.. and therefore she decided to let go..
However, I've found out that there are other reasons that she wanted to let go. First she cannot stand my attitude of dealing with problems and the habit of didn't really plan ahead. She prefer someone that will plan ahead of things. However, I've promised my best buddy whom i've known for 6 years and her that I would change and prove them wrong that I can infact change, which i'm trying now..
And one more reason is that she had realised that a guy left a very good impression on her and can take care of her better than me and can plan ahead.. she intents to go steady with him soon and i believe it's somewhere this week..
I tried to show that I've change by showing her care and concern and asking her is there any problems to share but what i'm getting is just cold responses from her.
I intend to ask her how is she going to plan ahead to deal with her parents if she going to get a bf again and how is she going to plan for their responses since she said that her parents had consistently nagged at her that she shouldn't get a bf.
I feel that the reason she gave me on her stressful parents is contradicting on what she's doing now.. like as if finding some excuses to hush me up for the time being..
so what's your advice? continue to prove them wrong or just give up on her?
and I'm sincerely sorry for the wordiness..
There are two parts to this:
I) You are right in saying that her reason for break up is merely a reason to diss you off. And if you haven't realize by now - any reason will suffice actually. After all, words are just words - the content isn't as important as the intention.
In the other side of this context: if a person genuinely wants to remain in a relationship, even for the wrong reason, she will stay. Nothing can make her leave if she is bends on remaining.
You cannot force Love upon another just because you desire it so - much more than the willingness for a person to be with you.
II) If you are determined to change your flaws, it must be a revolution from within and not some feeble method to 'win her back'. The latter is often a short term measure to rebrand your identity, but since the core hardly changes, you will probably revert back once the 'inflated initiative boost' wears off.
People often talk, very superficially, about how they will change in name of Love, but I can tell you most merely end up diverting these negativities into other section of emotions or energy and not learning to resolve them through higher/spiritual understanding.
If your ability to evolve is largely depended on the existence of others and their approval, then you will lead a life where your growth is limited by the kind of people that live in your environment.
Sometimes in Love, one must learn to release before one can learn to walk forward.
Cheers
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