Aunt Agony 060508

Originally posted by smooth12:

hello guys
i need some help here. i cant stop feeling jealous whenever any guy gets close with my girlfriend. I don't know whether i am being over possesive or not. But i do

know one thing. I hate this feeling.
there was this once when i found out that the password for her to log into the computer is her ex-bf handphone number. i dunno how to describe how i feel when i found out about that. she told me that her father and younger sis use her computer too so last time when she tried to change the pass, her father scolded her for changing becoz he already memorised that "password". so she kept her ex-bf handphone number as the password.

We were already 3 months plus being together at that time. Is it a valid reason to keep ur ex bf hp number as password for ur laptop? i mean, she take quite sometime to memorise mine but she already still have her ex-bf number all at her fingertips. I cant bear to imagine that the past few months everytime she turn on her laptop, she will be reminded of her ex-bf and everytime before we even chat on msn, she will type in the password which will remind her of her ex-bf before me. she said she changed the pass

one week later after the incident. i didnt try myself to see whether she changed it though.
and there was this once she went for a camp. she was a station master with another guy. i was in school at that time and decided to find her. we talked a bit and told her i wanna see her event but only from afar. well everything was going fine. the camp participants were very enthusiastic. it was when the group left when things happened.

i was sitting down from a higher level and all was clear view. she knew that too. the group of participants left and the other station master (guy) started to playfully splash water at my gf. my gf than laugh and shout2 throwin back some water sending signals to the guy that it is an acceptable behaviour. the guy started to playfuly chase my gf with water they both chase each other splashing water happily and laughing. after the pail of water finish. the guy and my gf took one pail each. stand close to each other, talk2 than walk side by side out of my view to a toilet to refill water.all this happened with my gf knowing me looking down at her. but she did came back and called me to ask where i am and found me with a dissapointed face. i mean is it me being jealous too easily or i was right to be jealous?

where do i draw the line? sumone help me please.

There isn't a thing as the prerogative to be jealous; we merely justify this feeling as a result of some external events that we did not how to resolve or interpret emotionally, hence we classify it as jealousy. There isn't an absolute line to draw, other than independent self regulation to minimize feeling crappy.

The password thing, imho, is completely nonsense. CloUdiSm classify it as symbolic jealousy, where people are affected because they compose meaning to an act or behavior that by itself has no other implication other than its functional meaning. You unconsciously suspect that there 'must' be something going on within her, since she is using her ex-bf mobile number, but hell, that probably represents none of your speculation.

What happens is that you are likely:

1) You are an insecure person.

2) Sees love as a form of possession. (Unconscious perception belongs to a lower plane in love - CloUdiSm).

As for her playing a fool, are you expecting her to wear a stern face and go through the camp as if the world owes her a great deal? Of course she would want to make merry and have fun. Your emotions are a trigger of your defensive mechanism - when you find it difficult to accommodate the new found knowledge internally and resolve it (probably worst if you are a Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius or Taurus).

Everyone generally suffers various degree of jealousy - the only cause for concern lies when jealousy adversely affects the relationship, be it whether it is justified or not. One myth about jealousy is that some people believed that it only manifest through triggering from the external environment - but the truth is that it's almost 100% an inside job. Jealousy is a self demon - the people around you cannot feel the intensity of your emotion, unlike anger or fear, and it is often insidious.

Like some hideous phantasmal forces, it feeds on your gnawing inferiority, gaining strength as your self esteem fades from the lack of holistic understanding in love. If you want to work on 'jealousy', you got to work on your insecurity - by patching the emotional vulnerabilities that allow this 'demonic emotions' to exploit your inner self.

The causes of insecurity are myriad and it isn't easy to pinpoint the exact root; even more arduous to implement changes.

But I will just leave you with a simple thought to ponder:

You can't stop love from leaving on its own accord, but you have every span of control to prevent yourself from pushing love away. Ironically, most people understood this only when they understood regret. Perhaps enlightenment and regret is but two side of the coin, derived from the same product.

Cheers