Aunt Agony 141106

Originally posted by lostboy1978:
Hi, I' m new to this forum just new to seek some advise.

I'm married with 2 kids, my wife is a full time housewife

2 months ago so said she wanted to work part-times, but after that she started to change.

One night, around 1am i saw her hp vibrate and i take a look.It was from a guy said he had reached home. I then reply back (pretending) when is the last time we meet and he said "we just meet last friday what??"

I erupted and woke my wife up and confronted her , she denied.Then i left home in the morning and start to sms her she is not trueful to me at all.
Then suddenly she said yes , she meet him just because of work and a short while only. She said he is only friend.

I sms the guy and ask him not to disturb my family or else...

Then every settled and we are back to normal.

Then last friday she said wanted to go spa and i agreed to take care of the kids.I called her at around 11 plus wondering why she's not home yet.

She never ans,I call her 20 over times worried about her .

Then the call was through, she never ans it , the phone was accidentally answered.I heard her toking with some guys laughting happliy over the phone,the back groung sounds like a kara ok place.I wait till 1plus then she came home. telling me the mrt reaches the interchange at 12 plus and have to wait for cab.

I told her everything but she denied again. She said i'm getting too sensative and dont trust her.What can i do.We quarrel and she leave home .Went to my in laws place.

2nd incident, yesterday i called up my in laws and she told me my wife went to work.Then my friend sms me that he saw her at boat quay... I double check with him again and he is very sure its my wife.

I confronted her but she denied again... bu lastly admitted (she sound like i 'm forcing her to admit one)

I think our relation is coming to and end.. We should i do?

we broke off once before we ROM cos she seem bo chap with me and come home late at night.Once i saw her from the block she got 2 guys and 1 gal friend accompany her.Then i confronted her and after tat we broke off.

we patch back few months later and we decided to go ROM. Then few months later the same problem come back. She alway side her friend then me,Once she let this girl stay over our place .Cos she said her mother(that girl) dont want her to go home.

Wtf she only know her for a few day only.This girl sure got problem or else why parent not letting her go home.I told my wife abt it and she is not happy.
Then we quarrel again and i thought we broke off for good this time.

Few months later i was oversea working and kind of miss her so i sms her,
she told me she's got my baby alre .

I was suspiciously abt it in the beginning but in the end no problem cos baby look like me

I think i got problem myself also. Maybe sub consciously i am sick , wat can i do??



Your marriage seemed to have began on a wrong footing and this is worsen by the fact that the both of you do not seem to be emotionally prepared and especially maturity is critically missing.

A hasty ROM was announced after a short, violent separation, which was followed by another break up, which was thought to be the end of the relationship. She was pregnant with your child (as stated), and you are probably 'left with little choices' but to continue the marriage.

I regress the timeline - you are likely to be married young (my guess calculation is about 24+)... a relatively young father and husband in fact, in comparison to other Singaporean males here.

I read through this thread carefully and wonder if you may actually realize this: your wife doesn't seemed very pleased with your chauvinist and suspicious nature throughout this relationship (before and after marriage). And you seemed to have issues with the two qualities or at least the manner which you bring your message/idea across communication.

It might be a strong possibility.... that the reason behind wanting a part-time employment could actually be an escapism/avoidance tactic to certain unpleasant, yet unmentioned issues in the house, or namely your relationship. Albeit I do not condone lying, through yunhaier's analysis, it appear that she may have wanting to work with an intention to get away from your love.

You mean all it takes is only 2 months for her to find an interest for promiscuity?

There is already gnawing dissatisfaction in the marriage - the extra-marital affair is just a catalysis to blow things out of proportion, probably out of emotional suppression. You may have confirmed your finding, but I hope you will still read what I may have to say.

Let me ask a simple question, which you could have been thinking all day long:

WHY CHEAT?

Why would she cheat?

I read through your posting - your previous break ups were due to serious arguments, not exactly because of infidelity. I must say that the communication style in your relationship (before and after marriage) is horribly unevolved and you also have a strong tint of chauvinism.

[quote]Originally posted by lostboy1978:
How to cheer up :cry: .. women always said you only know work and give money only, :(

But if i dont work how to support family?? Must be at home all the time acompany her ma??

Really dont understand women..i work so hard trying to give them a better life she though i got more freedom then her... :( [/quote]

What's the use of having the whole world, when you lose your soul?

If you were to exchange all your time for bigger houses... bigger cars... and sacrifice human relationship, your marriage risk ending up empty.

Your wife had to resolve this emptiness in the marriage.

She will think to herself: is there all to her relationship? All to life?

I will cite another posting which suggested strong chauvinism ideology:

[quote]Originally posted by lostboy1978:
My kids is 3 n 2...

If everything went out well its ok.. but if cannot then we separate 1st then see how.

I got a feeling it wont last, But i feel ok to take take of the kids by myself.

Have another relationship again?? NO WAY MAN, where to find women willing to take care of children and do house work nowadays...[/quote]

So you are just dumping the traditional woman's chore to the woman herself?

Together with the lack of affection and appreciation, it's no wonder that the woman will be emotionally frustrated and seek to fill up this gap with something drastic.

Note that I also do not condone cheating, it's just that when things happen, do we go finger pointing and blasting blames at one another? Or do we acknowledge part of this 'blame responsibility' in a cracked marriage? When we talk about the trust factor - you can easily claim that she lied to you and that's distrust, while I can also point that you married her and wondering if the child was indeed yours.

So what will happen if the child turns out to be somebody's flesh and blood? Perhaps some one night stand? What would you do? You think that your child looks a bit like you and you decides that he/she is your child - now... how accurate would that be?

Mistrust existed all over - even the hasty marriage began on dubious grounds, therefore, I don't expect this marriage to be harmonious or smooth flowing.

The act of infidelity may actually be more of a push factor from you than a pull factor from external environment because I don't seriously think that someone can go out there, work a fringing part time work (perhaps that's only few days in a week kind?) and end up in extra-marital affairs. It almost seemed like a 'desperate' measure to do something drastic.

She already has that vulnerability and the desire to free her suppressed emotional condition. I also must add the fact that this suppressed condition may have probably first taken place when she realized that she is pregnant and was left with little choice other than telling you about it and hoping that you would marry her. Even if she was unhappy with you, what choice does she has?

To be an unwed single mum?

Bad reason for marriage will beget tumultuous marriage - No relationship can escape the cosmic lesson Love will attempt to teach. Elements and qualities that one has fail to learn in BGR, shall learn in marriage - probably at twice the cost.

P.S: Before you sentence your marriage to death, allow yourself and her a chance to talk like matured adults. Yes, she has cheated on you, but always talk first and judge later. Find out what's wrong and see what options you might have first, before throwing your finale move.

Cheers