Aunt Agony 071106

Originally posted by OZracing:

hi there, thanks for the reply... actually dont know how to start telling you... its very complicated... i just intro myself bah... 19m here... studying ITE and going NS soon... actually the problem is with my ex... we broke off 2 years ago... and was together for 2 years as well... this 2 years we kinda gone through quite somethings together like quarrels... breaking up and patching back... untill i'm in ITE we started quarreling more and more each time the fire just increase... she said that i go ITE sure go find other girls etc... i think she is very unsecured... my first few weeks in school she actually took the effort to come to my school to wait till my lesson end... why i said she took the effort cause she stays in pasir ris and my school is in bukit batok... she never complain where else i'm the bastard...i didnt want her to come to school... as she have suspected correctly... i started losing interest in her cause of other girls... we broke off like that... but i didnt really bother her as i'm with other girl... but during this time when we broke off... i didnt know that she is still waiting for me until her friend hint me... i'm a bastard though... i was with my new steady and she saw it... it's at the bus interchange... so she msged me where am i... i replied her i was with my parents... right after i replied her... i saw her with her friends... i didnt care much just walk away... that night her friend came to find me and give me a piece of mind... her friend said that after she saw me she cried at the interchange and i just walked away... i feel very bad... but never stopped me from find new steady... she waited for me for almost a year but i didnt go back... but after 'trying several girls' i felt that the one i really wanted all along is my ex-girlfriend...but i was too late... she already got a steady... but they didnt last long too cause she told me they cant give the feeling the same as i did.. after hearing this of cause i was happy... but at that current time i already have a steady... so didnt thought of asking her back... and our communication broke down like that... but sometimes she would msg me that she miss me... and she also said that when she is with her steady she would think of me... so after all this... i broke up with the current steady cause of alot of problem... and i started going out with my ex... when we was together i can feel its just like last time when we were actually together... so i waited for her birthday this year wanting to ask her back... i waited for her under her block until 4am in the morning just to surprise her... finally she was back... but i found out that its was a guy that sent her back... that guy is actually after her... but did not make it... i didnt know that and i felt very helpless... as i felt that way i didnt say anything to ask her back but just a simple happy birthday wish... in return she just ask for a hug... i gave her a smile and said its better not bah... don't want the guy to mistaken... after that she faked a smile and said alright... but that night we talk about alot of stuffs... but still i didnt ask her back... few weeks later i finally got the courage to ask her again... but she already got a steady and she tell me that although she cant trust her current boyfriend but she will try to love him all she can... of cause i was very sad... no mood for things etc... till it was too late that i found out from her friend that she was actually waiting for me to ask her back on her birthday but i didnt... haiz... i really felt back... weeks ago... we just had a chat(i blocked her on my MSN, so it might help forgetting her)... but it didnt... everytime i wanne avoid her she somehow find a way to get into my life... i just bash her saying that stop pestering me... i really don't know what i want... my parents like her alot then my other steadys and so does her parents... my friends said fight for the things that you love... i always ans them back secretly in my heart... whats there to fight for when the love is not there... can you help me? after all this i really felt that she is the one for me... i'm going NS soon... should i just move on or should i wait for her? like what my friends said? fight for the things you love.. anyway my SIS is getting married this month and my parents invited her to the VIP table with me... i don't know if i really love her or just cause my parents like her alot... can you advice me? thanks! :(


So what will likely to happen if you going to get back together? Am I not right to say that eventually, it would end up with another similar cycle once again? Your conviction in remaining faithful is one thing, the personality conflicts and the mindset that clashes constantly is another thing.

How much have you truly evolved? Do you think that this patch would be much more harmonious than the previous patch?

I mean, if all these break-patch cycle didn't register in your mind something - that the both of you, especially yourself, should grow some deep maturity in your action and mindset, what's the use of getting back together only to see yourself breaking it up later in the future?

Although it's true that you should fight for your own happiness, but are you blind fighting without a cause? Don't you think it's mundane to go through all this misery, melodramatic relationship especially when you don't know your own feelings - on whether it is because you really loves her or is it because she fits better than the rest of the other woman in your life?

Think carefully... because your feelings are chaotic and all over the place. You must also understand that realising past mistakes isn't maturity - that's merely enlightenment. Maturity means making good decisions - at least for the greater good of things.

If you cannot see yourself exercising wisdom in dealing with a potential relationship with her and MAKE it good, I suggest you just release her to pursue her own happiness. Your image in her life is preventing her from moving on completely. That's not only being very self absorbed on your part, but also hinted that ultimately, you are the one you love the most.

You craved for her when you realise your foolishness and kicked her to one secluded corner when she is not required - you probably love yourself much more than anyone else in this world - Love to you is all about you... you and you. It's never about her more than yourself.

Think!

Will the arguments and conflicts appear, if you are with her once again? Does she even trust you enough at this stage? Is your love fleeting again?

These are sample difficult questions that cannot be proven to me even if you were to lay promise/s or whatsoever because only time will tell. If you are truly evolved, you may try to pursue this relationship, but I don't see a point because NS is another factor - that will increase your chance of failing this relationship once again, if it doesn't strengthen it.

My suggestion is to talk about it openly. I mean if she still has feelings for you, I think it's good to communicate on how you guys are going to make it work this time. And when I mean WORK... I really mean WORKING for the relationship and not just airy words and empty promises. Because... if it was the latter, I suggest you don't waste your time and her time. I think you guys have wasted much youth over this karmic relationship, so I think we should just avoid such scenario altogether.

Of course, if she doesn't want to get back or if feelings have faded for her - please move on.

Cheers