Aunt Agony 041106

Originally posted by galfriend:
I was with him for 5 years. Loved him so much during the 5 years. Tried so hard to make it work, but it just didnt work. Finally we couldnt take it , and we called it off.

i am 33 years old and he is 38. we still go out with our friends as we have a lot of mutual friends. i want to settle down. i have a few very eligible guys courting me, but i feel that i am waiting for him, but i know we are not suitable.

I told him outrightly. he said if one day he wants to settle down, i will be the woman he wants to marry. but, he is not settling down yet.

It has been more than 2.5 years since we parted. I had 2 bfs after that, which didnt work out. but somehow, i feel that there is still this feeling i have for him, this deep feeling, that sometimes i feel severe pain in my heart. I feel that im waiting for him, but im not so sure. Im juz so confused about this feeling.

Is this love? Do i still love him?



If a five years relationship was to happen and got concluded, chances are, the residue of the relationship would linger spiritually for a vast period of time. It depends on how often you unlocked that secret chamber in your inner private space and get in touch with that ‘forbidden love' living inside of you.

I fondly recall CloUdiSm written in my earlier days: Love is the spirit while relationship being the body. You may eliminate the body, the spirit still thrives. The reason why we are unable to banish that love is because it is tied with our memories (Negative relationship that causes unhappiness, miseries and sufferings; the 'spirit' often manifest as fear). And because we cannot eradicate our memories, the imprint remains - fear/unconscious love.

Some part of your life still secretly desires him; it may seem that you may appear to have moved along in life, but you never entirely did. Perhaps, it's the subconscious lure of the marital promise that binds you into this unwritten agreement to wait. You may have attempted to date others, but your mind is likely to discredit them, subconsciously, as your potential, marital partners.

Although there may be 'movements' in your life, but you are walking in a circular garden that brings you back to square one. Certainly different time frame, but surely same location.

Let me tell you what you are doing right now; you are observing like an eagle from afar. The eagle may appear apathetic and passive, because the eagle waits to respond to a reaction, like a scurrying rat across the rice field.

You could be waiting for a reaction; this would pretty accurate if he is still single till date. Or if your mind is severely deluded, you could be waiting for him to get married so that that piece of reality will shatter that verbal promise into trillions of broken fragments, before you will tell yourself to move on for real.

But just how long? Just how long are you going to wait? Five years relationship... two-half years roundabout... thirty three now and you are still wondering... waiting and feeling lost.

Love and relationship are two separate entities; you may think that you love him very much, but if the relationship doesn't work out, perhaps we should not force a piece into the puzzle because it just doesn't look pretty that way.

You are still mourning over your lost.

Learn acceptance - because if you continue to feed your past, you are denying yourself having a fulfilling relationship with someone else. Even though you may have a boyfriend, but because you are unable to release that bondage, you will never be truly happy in any love that you pursue.

Cheers