Aunt Agony 230505

Quote:

Originally posted by c2on2:
it was more than half a year ago, when i first saw the gal in my one of my uni classes. Back then, i developed a crush for her but secretly just keep it by myself and din do anything about it.We were not even friends but i think were just merely classmates who knew each other's names as we were in a particular module's class. Time pass and its a new semester, we are now totally different classes and there was no chance of meeting each other. Somehow as i was helping my fren to buy some things, i managed to get her hp number as my fren told her that she also wanted to buy. So as a kind and helpful person, i sms her regarding this and din wanna expect much as i just oni wanna help out of kindness with no other intentions. i would say its a miracle out of the blue when we actually start to be friends. There were MSN chats, smses. And slowly i felt this gal whom is my secret crush is trying to get to know me. Until one day, she asked me out for some activity. And tats when we started chatting on the telephone. I did some soul searching and considerations, thinking why not try to be closer to her since she is my crush and i felt there was some interest. so i proceeded to accelarate and get closer to her. We chatted a lot, sms more, tok on the fone too , started to sit together at the lectures and occasionally have meals and go out together. All this gave me an impression that its possible between me and her. and i decided to confess my feelings to her on valentines day that i like her. She did not comment much but also did not reject me. So our normal activities like chatting, sitting together, msging one another, etc continues. until one day i asked her to be my gf. Again she did not accept and did not reject or avoid me. So i was rather confident that i can get this gal to be my gf. thinking that she wanted to wait after the dreaded exams. i continue to shower her with sincere care and concern. until one day , i found out from her that she is uncertain if i am the guy for her. and has no confidence and assurance if this relationship will work out well. I was very sad but persisted to fight for what i cherish. I told her i love her and have a serious talk with her. She felt the love from me from the things i did, and she appreciate some of them which i had done for her. but she claimed tat she felt my courting is not enough. i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. I was kinda disappointed in this gal whom i love so dearly. i feel that She is demanding a lot from me. and din realli get to know my good points. though i admit i can an ordinary guy with no riches, no car, and oni mediocal looks. Unromantic as i seemed, but deep down i know she understands that i sincerely care and love her. Those small simple things which i had done for her. i feel unappreciated. Is it because she is rather immature in the way she defines her suitable guy? is there really a criteria or a limit as to what type of person u will love? she is also not perfect but i had unconditionally accept her to be my soul mate whom i placed at the centre of my universe. seemed to me that she wanted to some changes in me and she told me i also need to think of more ways to convince her to accept me as her guy. Seems to me she does not like me for who i am. I had talks with my close friends who told me to just give her up cause its a presurrising and unhappy relationship if somehow i managed to court her. kind people of aunt agony, pls share ur advice to me. i am on at a loss. could she be playing with my feelings all along?
Thanks for your kind help/advice.

Believe it or not, consciously or unconsciously - we calculate and factor in certain attributes or qualities of our potential partner to deem if he/she is suitable for a relationship. Love and Relationship is strongly co-related, however, they are still separate entities (meaning you can love someone, but you choose to opt out in a relationship structure). You must understand that you had an immerse crush on her, but it is not the same way round. She treated you like a good friend, with improving impression, but do you consider it anywhere near the border of love? Not entirely.

Because you do not belong to the category of guys whom she will have hasty infatuation for - you have tap on honest, dependable characteristic to sell yourself. This is a good thing and do not be discourage with whatever you are doing.

And because she doesn't fell hard enough, technically, she has her own rights to choose the kind of partners she seek. Reality is pretty cruel: do not presume that just because you treated a girl well and shower all your love and affection onto, something gonna happen. Something is amiss here; regardless of the goodwill and stuff you always did, she just doesn't fall hard enough... for a relationship to begin on proper basis.

Therefore she has chosen an alternative: attempting to shape her given variables to convince her heart to accept you into a relationship. Her psyche would probably react like this:

'Ok fine, I think he's a good guy. I don't know if I love him anot (or even so, not till that extend), but I don't mind giving him a chance. But I must have that reason for myself to give him that chance.

Advice?

There's no such thing as zero risk in relationship: there's no relationship without tears as well - it's all about decisions and the path we opt for. If you have come so far, just to give it up, you got to tell yourself that you won't ever look back and regret.

You could also TRY to fill-in-the-blank with what's missing currently and create a relationship with her. It could be difficult to define each other's love definition, individual expectation, etc - however, we will learn two very important skills: compromising and evolving. It will be difficult though, but at the very least, you won't regret having to give up when you had the advantage to do something about it.

Cheers