Aunt Agony 061207

Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:

I found out tat my bf had betrayed me....after being together for 3 long years.

Few months ago, I suspect something amiss..Sixth sense maybe.And i was right. I knew it right from the start and was pretending tat i didnt know a single thing.

I exploded and confronted him...He said he was stressed.. He didnt know what he was doing...

He asked for my forgiveness... and I forgave him.

He shows me her sms to him tat she wanted to maintain as frens with him, seeked my opinion, and i say NO! Cannot.. Coz i tink she is unable to let go of you.

Why is he showing me the sms? Telling me abt her job, which last time he will jus flare up when i mentioned "Her".

I jus dunno wat I can do to stop it from happening once more...

Is it my fault tat led him to stray? Or i gave him too much freedom to do his things?

I devote every of myself to him... Will it pay off?

Any kind advises?

Thanks..

Most relationship never made it there because most relationships perish, not because of circumstances, but because of inner conditions.

Allow me to share my two cents for your consideration: please do not reckon that the mutual respect of space, freedom and understanding contributes to the downfall of your relationship. In fact, it's probably the first finger we often pinpoint whenever promiscuity/infidelity strikes in any relationship.

But I can tell you these only represent the catalysis.

The attribution to external causes per se only reveals a distorted truth; it always seeks to blur the real underlying problem of ourselves and tries to besmirch one's perception in Love.

Our relationship is never stagnant; stagnation is but an phrase we often used to describe the life of a relationship, but theoretically, relationship never stays dormant. A long period of stagnation is often unconscious degeneration of the relationship and before you know it, this degeneration will be revealed upon the introduction of 'catalysis'.

One must fully understand that relationship is indeed forged by freewill. Nobody is coerced to love another person; we love incidentally and later made the choice to further this love into a relationship. Therefore, you got to weigh your own risk to see if you are still willing to pool the resources to make this investment worthwhile.

Pull out if you can't seem to forgive - you will save yourself a lot of misery.

Hardwork never equate to success in love - you merely learn to adapt according to what your cosmic lesson would require and introspect regularly. Never set yourself on the degenerating path no matter what your encounters are - it's sad to know of people who saw the beauty of trust, only to destroy and blind this perception they once to bad circumstances.

So continue to keep good perspective and definition of love, but work hard at keeping the flame alive, if your decision is to continue. Three years of relationship might be a major consideration why you are still willing to give it a try, but if you are just planning to try-try-see-how, I say don't bother. Either you do your best to make it work, or drop everything altogether.

I will reiterate again: that would seriously save you a lot of misery.

If we go back to the golden rule - whatever decision you make, it must eventually bring you happiness. From there, I believe it should dissolve your dilemma… like sugar to hot water.

Cheers