Aunt Agony 040807

Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.

In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.

Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.

Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.

How? Help? :(


No matter how many 'phrases' you might have skipped to get yourself married, eventually, to maintain a happy-and-somewhat-fulfilling relationship, it still boils down to the very basis and this is something you can't escape if you wish to saunter this marriage till death do you guys apart.

Apart from having short-circuit tempers that savagely gash open wounds in your relationship time and again - in fact, I reckoned that there are quite a number of unresolved 'negative issues' brought into the airspace of your marriage and now you two are suffering the consequence of such causes because it's so blatant that when you put two unevolved soul as marriage partners, the intensity is insane.

The tongue is critical and quick to wound, yet not equipped with the wisdom or maturity to communicate wisely. Trust is greatly amiss, demonstrating the need for command and control as her innate alarm triggers and in response, it overwhelmed her emotions with hallucinatory thoughts and insecurity. Threatening divorce is the first sign of a crumbling marriage - this is the same methodology employed by people who threaten breaking up, suicide or any drastic measure to 'overpower' another party to submission. Over the time, you will gain immunity to such 'threats' and the relationship will probably collapse when you decide you had enough of such nonsense.

It is such a painful way to lead any form of relationship.

Your marriage is clearly in a dire state. I suggest since you two can't handle it among yourselves, it might be beneficial to have engages a mediator/marriage counsellor - that's if she is still willing to work things out with you.

I would like to understand some background:

How old are the both of you? How long have you been dating before marriage? How long have you been married? Were the conflicts this bad before marriage? In your opinion, what's the reason for getting married? What sort of lifestyle you two are leading? What are both your astrological signs? Any crisis took place in BGR previously?

Cheers