Aunt Agony II 040807 (Continued from AA 040807)

Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:

We are ard 30 yrs old. Been married over a year liao. No serious conflicts before marriage. Both of us love each other, and wanted to start a family together. Simple lifestyle, no grand luxury stuff. I capricorn, she a gemini/cancer hybrid. She had been hurt by a previous r/s b4.


In that sense, divorce will likely to happen if your marriage persists in this way of management. There's only so much a person can endure before all hell break loose eventually. What you are doing now is merely to concede to her instability, but you are not anywhere near resolving it.

Looking at your plight, I doubt she is even emotionally-mature enough for marriage in the first place, as this readiness can only be certified by having evolved/transformed personalities, influenced solely by the power of love. Period. Anything else will usually result in massive quake of various degrees, when put together under one roof because marriage is the ultimate test in love.

One reality of marriage is that albeit most people will claim that love is the reason for their union, however, upon close examination, their love is hardly pristine. This 'love' they claimed to share, is often grossly mispresentated by emotional afflictions, circumstances or simply pressure from our biological clock.

I don't know if you ever realise this: but the sort of 'hurt' that she has gone through do not necessarily means full blame on her ex-boyfriend/s. In fact, it's probably her definition of love that she has brandished, akin to swinging a two-bladed axe, injuring herself as she slash at her ex-love when her inherent possessive nature dominates her emotions like a deranged warrior.

This is a vicious cycle, as her man will escape in face of such suffocation. When that happens, she will apt to exercise greater control because she will attribute her failure in love due to external factors, not because of her unevolved self.

I find it hard to believe that marriage without trust begins with love - I can tell you from my experience, it so much closer to that of fungi living on tree than the tree itself - fuelled primarily by the fear of isolation and loneliness.

Although I wouldn't recommend, but as a start, it might be beneficial if you can speak to her best/good friend/s and get them to talk to her. A marriage counsellor will still be a better option imho because I doubt you know how help yourself to avoid this impending doom and if somebody can open her soul and attempt to repair them, it might save your marriage from certain death.

If you want to see changes, the changes must happen from within - giving in is merely a short term measure that do not solve long term implications.

Cheers