Aunt Agony V 260807 (Continued from AA 240807)

Originally posted by Scion79:

I am impressed. Sincere thanks for your meticulous and surprisingly immaculate analysis. It has certainly enabled a new dimension towards my
perception in life. You pointed out that I have many dimensions of vulnerability as a whole pertaining to relationships and emotions. That is such an
accurate mirror of my inner-most feelings.

Prior to my acquaintance to S, my preceding relationships and flings could not engage me beyond my esteem, cognitive emotions and aesthetic desire, which belongs to the 2nd quantum defined in Marslow's hierarchy of needs. To put it in layman terms, I have not explored my humane self fully by reaching the top consortium of self-actualization and ultimately, self-transcendence. Through S's tender sincerity, I began to learn how to love and to sacrifice unconditionally. (Which is such a shame given that my 1st relationship started when I was 13 and all those 10 years before I met S, I have not been able to bask in the full potential of unblemished and pure love).

You surprise me with your accurate inference of "You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up." In many situations in life, you can forgive but it is somehow difficult to forget. Different individuals have diverse takes towards dealing with life's hard knocks. This is best described by the Elephant metaphor involving 7 blind men, which is so highly advocated by Alan Greenspan before his tenure at the world bank was up. Since that fateful breakup, the bruise in my ego has egged me on full acceleration to improve myself and achieve as much as I can. On hindsight, I can say that without this setback, I would probably have remained languid and unambitious, especially so when I could easily take my family wealth for granted. However like what you prophesied, the hate of having my feeling of love in its purest form disappointed remains embedded deep. Now can you share some views how I should let go of this hatred and start to accept love without prejudice? I trust your insight would be beneficial from the sincere and profound reply
you have posted thus far.

Seperate issue, you mentioned that a player by rationale should have no qualms taking a relationship easy without finding hard to let go right ? With the risk of sounding absurd, I am actually a soft hearted person. My current situation would have easily been resolved by terminating B and cutting off all contacts if I
was callous enough. Do you understand why I find it hard to bring up the seperation issue to B now?

Anyway I really appreciate your advise, it is wise and unpretentious. Out of curiosity, what is your profession? You seem to have a very analytical mind
and surpassing articulation skills. It was indeed my pleasure to correspond with you. Have a lovely day ahead.

Cheers



How can you accept love without prejudice?

You just have to return back to the self when 'S' manifested it out from your life when you were in aussie.

You have been there before - you know the road to unlock that route; just that you have chose not to.

***

Seriously, it depends on whether you prefer to pursue a relationship driven out of love or fear.

Fear is a huge black word that covers all aspects of negativity that you employed to protect yourself and your ego. And it's impossible to be self protective and loving at the simultaneously - that logics never worked. It's either you are a loving person that allows love to evolve you or you prefer to be self absorbed, warding love away by swinging your blades maliciously at something so natural.

You were right about you being delicate inside because chances are, you are having strings of relationship because there's so much unconscious fear in love that you had to leave women before one of them uncover this side of you... the facet of yourself you never wanted to divulge unknowingly again.

You might think that your reason for not leaving B is because of her; but I am afraid when you probe deeper, it's more likely to be you. That domineering woman you first knew her, had become submissive and equipped with complete evolution in her attitude towards her relationship - do you see a mirror image?

Do you see yourself, in her, 5 years back?

Have you realised that you had become the position of 'S' when 'S' was 'S'?

Your hatred and disappointment in love has transformed you into the very hatred you abhorred.

What's callous in love could be gentle in the long run. Albeit, it may appear heartbreaking to call it off, but what's that compared to the insidious truth of you having the initial agenda of this love: to profit from this partnership in career-knowledge wise, sexually and every other thing in which might not have mentioned here? Yes, it's between two consented adults, but allows me to reveal my two cent below:

At her age, B probably just needs a man to settle with, regardless of the expectation she has for her mate (I assume she is about 32).

You don't have to - Man always has that luxury.

Now that you have readily admit you have no love for this woman and since you are not going to marry her (neither are you releasing her), are you going to retain her until you resolve your emotional insecurity? At the age of 32, how long do you intend to keep her?

I wonder if you realise that you will probably destroy her like how 'S' did to your emotional state - your sympathy has become a facade for cruelty.

Cheers