Systemic Understanding of Relationship

For today's sharing, I will quote my grand master's words (William Glasser) in his book "Choice Theory - a New Psychology of Personal Freedom"

"We struggle together to survive. It is easier, more efficient and usually feels better than if we struggle by ourselves. Of course, we need others to satisfy our need for love and belonging. We discover that it feel good to use some of our power to help others and that we may gain more power in the process. When we seek freedom, we do so with the hope that someone will always welcome us back when we want to come back. We prefer learning and having fun with others. This is the ideal way to satisfy our basic needs - trying to get close and stay close to each other.

People who have no close relationships are almost always lonely and feel bad. They have no confidence that they will feel good tomorrow because tomorrow will be as lonely as today. Unlike happy people, they concentrate on short-term pleasure. The alcoholic lives for the immediate feelings provided by the alcohol; that he may wrap his car around a tree does not cross his mind. When pleasure is concerned, unhappy people may be totally irrational when they are seeking instant gratification. 

Although the actual feelings that accompany pleasure without relationships may be similar to how we feel when we are enjoying relationships, the activities that lead to these similar feelings are different. Beware of getting involved with people who seem to be able to feel good but have no close friends. They may be witty and fun to be around, but their humor is all put-down and hostility. If you marry such a person, you will soon be the recipient of that hostile humor and may regret it for the rest of your marriage. Look for someone who has good friends whom he or she treats well and whom you enjoy being with, too. Someone who does not have good friends does not know how to love."

One does not live in a world of their own - images filled solely with our partners. Our lives consist of other equally important aspects; fairing inadequately in one area of our life will somehow bring about negative effect on others parts - even if there isn't any form of direct connection between these two entities. 

This is systemic understanding of relationship: one that is balance, fulfilling and enriching. 

Cheers