Originally posted by spinsugar:
Looking back, the past 7 years of my life have been so unbelievable that it would put soap opera to shame. The last 4 years of this longdrawn episode has just come to an end. After allowing myself 2 days of anguish, here I am, sitting back and surveying the mess of my life and what lays ahead without the slightest hint of trepidation.
I thought nothing could surprise me after all the drama, the colourful characters and the impossible situations I've handled through these turbulent years, and so the unexpected silent calm in my mind now comes as a surprise. Perhaps this is akin to a calm after a storm, so although this new state of clarity was something I least expected to find at the end of this 4-year ordeal, I am very pleased with the result.
It was as if someone had "uncooked" all the garbled information in my brain. With this newfound clarity, I am beginning to understand what has transpired over the years.. this latest "relationship" suddenly looks so clear.
As an old "buddy" put it, I must have been desperate for some semblance of normality in my 24 years of life when everything up till this point was anything but. It's interesting how easily I succumbed to the lull of this so-called "normal" life and how I struggled to maintain it even at the cost of my own beliefs. The irony in compromising my own ideals and desires for the sake of moulding myself into someone else's perception of a "woman behind the man" does not escape me, for I have always prided myself in being at the forefront of any relationship, taking on the role of the aggressor rather than that of the passive gentle female. In fact a part of me is quite disgusted that this dream was not ended by my own hand, but by "his".. I would've still been lost in the mist for goodness knows how much longer if he had not decided to end the relationship.
Perhaps I was tired. Overwhelmed, even. Weary of fighting endless battles alone, tired of being strong and invincible when I feel vulnerable and wounded inside. This relationship was simply my excuse to run away from my future.. my way of hanging up the towel and letting someone else be the driving force of ambition. Everytime I think of my mother, I punish myself mentally. She is a unicorn with a behemoth's spirit, a maker of miracles with a mindblowing track record. And I? How could I ever hope reach that calibre when all I've done so far is to wait for life to throw something in my path that would force me forward?
I admit I have been fearful of taking the reins. So many unanswered questions loom over me like an ominous grey blanket of clouds that threaten to drown the buried answers below before I can even find them, but now I allow myself a drizzle.. Where would I go? What would I do? How would I generate enough income to get something going? The initial questions hit me like gigantic hailstones. But I must weather them, for after all this time, all these experiences, I have come one full circle and right back to where I started.. right back to the problem I have been avoiding all along ... indecisiveness on what I want to do with my life.
The newfound clarity beckons, but I am fearful. But I must go forth.. for time is no longer by my side. Indecisiveness will only prolong my pain. I face this old crossroad, this unwanted familiar friend, and now I know which unmarked path I must take.. it is the one I have been avoiding all along.
But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love?
If you shield the canyon from the winds, you will not see the beauty of their carving.
You are probably enervated and overwhelmed by infallible expectation generated in your mind. Higher desire begets greater disappointment - you can't really change that, but more importantly, a greater sinister lurks maliciously deeper; your fear of failure made you afraid of making decisions and that limits your growth.
Let me illustrate an analogy: In finance, all the low risk, capital-guaranteed investments generally have low returns. Although you still get back your money and a little gain, it's still possible to make a loss from such financial instruments because the meagre returns cannot cover the admin/sales/hidden charges derived from the investment. And inflation worsens it. Therefore making 'safe' decision may be always be the 'best' decision.
Learn to take calculated risk and even if you fall, don't be afraid of learning how to recover yourself. We learn walk by falling, therefore we learn succeed by failing. Like your siggy: Are you the men who want crops without plowing up the ground... want rain without thunder and lightning... want the ocean without the roar of its many waters?"
The natural craving for love is biologically, emotionally and spiritually induced. No man is an island. Love defines meaning in our otherwise insipid life and it's only human to desire companionship. You seemed to have some rough issues regarding your love life. Perhaps, if you like, you might want to share, in more specific details, on your relationship ordeals, encounter and aftermath.
Cheers
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Aunt Agony 310507 (Continued from AA 290507)
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
I was watching TV when he suddenly blurted the inevitable statement: “It’s not that I do not want a relationship. Just that right now I want to focus on my career.” The confession could be linked to a conversation a few minutes earlier. He asked me to move in with him. I told him it isn’t a viable option for me because I barely have time to wash my own dishes, much less make myself useful around his place. Now we all know when somebody tells you that, it isn’t the case of him or her not wanting a relationship. It just means they don’t want a relationship with YOU.
I didn’t ask for a relationship neither did I hint of wanting one. All I did was watch TV. And that’s exactly what I should go back doing. Everything else is too much trouble.
If you believe astrology is more than myth, at times I see more of a Sagittarian in Mr G and the Capricorn in myself. He claims to prefer seeing the world, as for me, seeing too much may not be a good thing. Because I do it alone I come back different each time. Even when you have a story to tell, no one would understand because they weren’t there.
I go around like a pauper and do overland instead of airplanes. The romanticism of such an act moves people but it stops right there. Few carry the notion further. If you would like to, I’m sure you can do it too. Only material pursuits get in the way. Most people choose cars, clubs and chicks over spending on travel.
I believe Mr G does view me more than just a sex buddy. He reminded me not to use that term because we were never there. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s natural for feelings to develop after a period of time.
But what really matters now is he left without saying good bye.
And what happened with Mr G last week stank. For the first time in a long time I was left alone on the bed. For the first time at all I was ignored when I said goodbye. I could’ve yelled, screamed, thrown a hissy fit but that would bring me nowhere. Frankly, it didn’t feel good as a female. I feel used. Mr G probably thinks I am very loose. Easily discarded before re using again. But am I in a position to blame him?
Was Mr G relieved that the midnight f&%k was gone or was he hollow from being alone again? For someone like me, it’s usually easy getting answers but he has a sombre air about him. So much so I knew better to shut up and leave than push him further. Suddenly I tittered on the high wire of morphing into the exact replica of twenty some things I discarded before. Monster nightmares who didn’t know how to take no for an answer and didn’t understand the rules of one night games. I do not wish to become that way.
Even as I think about this, whether he is in Singapore or overseas remains a question. All he could tell me today was take good care of myself. What I didn’t understand was, why he needed to do it. Why he had to initiate contact at all. Why not just leave it as it is and not bother me again. Was he feeling sympathetic? Did he think he was being kind? Was he thinking of staying connected so we can go through the same routine if he ever comes back? If I meant nothing why couldn’t we just screw each other and let it be? Why did he have to bring me out on dates, hold my hand, laugh a lot and simply being? Am I reading too much into things? Is this a biological curse? For time immemorial I have all the questions and barely any answers.
At the end of it all, I am left feeling that the world isn’t nice. Nobody cares if you get stiffed or if your feelings get bruised. Mr G left and I would’ve done the same. Beyond telling me to take care there is nothing he can offer. I cannot even perform a satisfying shout out, woman to man, for fear of having it come back at me one day in this line of work. If they say the loving is a battlefield and he went away wounded, then I am left dead.
I think he wants to play with me. Wants to give me false hope. Wants to see how much I’ll grovel. It's probably wiser not to play this game. Saying goes it’s one thing if you don’t know what to do, but if you know what to do and don’t do it, then you’re double-dumb.
No use rationalising this.
No point in longing for what’s been left behind.
Perhaps I received return for whatever I brought to it.
Always keep back ups because there will always be another. Always.
Initially, he probably thought that he was lucky - to be about hook up a young lady and end up making out with her. Surely, both lust and emotional void were present, serving as catalysis for this scenario to take flight. There are unresolved needs and therefore actions will be taken to satisfy them – under Freudian theory, this is the ID component and in astrology, that’s govern by Mars.
Your befuddlement stemmed from your personal justification in your case. Beyond those well-articulated words, you painted a phantasmal outlook that has failed to take on substance and conjure a ‘form’ (a relationship). It remains as hollow as you first uncovered, akin to a maw of blackness, constantly mutating and evolving from some macabre shade of darkness. You tried to figure out the undulating shape - gradually you realized it has no definite structure and everything existed solely on how you deemed fit – all areas and perimeters are perpetually reframing.
Strangers? Both yes and no.
Causal Friends? Both yes and no.
Good friends? Both yes and no.
BGR? Both yes and no.
Sex buddy? Both yes and no.
And it doesn’t matter how long this list were to be as either one of you can conveniently make length, width or height adjustments to fit the puzzle.
Then it comes to the part about 'something more than just bed buddy'; the journey has come to a juncture where you had no other alternatives but 'coerced to believe' that this must be something more than just sexual, simply because he display acts of 'asking dates, holding your hands, laughing a lot and simply being'.
Humans often justify their own existence on Earth by claiming that they have a 'mission' during their short stay here. But what if the truth is such that life is but a meaningless cycle to debunk conventional ideology? You will probably encounter scores of people upbraiding you that it's not like that because there MUST be a reason for our existence. There must be.
As confused as yourself, he might even query himself on whether he still see you as a sex-buddy or has he really fell in love. In fact, my analogy in the above paragraph might just happen - both of you felt that there must be something more to it as the situations has turned out to be this way and there MUST be a reason. There must be.
But is there anything more? Apparently, it may not be.
Cheers
I was watching TV when he suddenly blurted the inevitable statement: “It’s not that I do not want a relationship. Just that right now I want to focus on my career.” The confession could be linked to a conversation a few minutes earlier. He asked me to move in with him. I told him it isn’t a viable option for me because I barely have time to wash my own dishes, much less make myself useful around his place. Now we all know when somebody tells you that, it isn’t the case of him or her not wanting a relationship. It just means they don’t want a relationship with YOU.
I didn’t ask for a relationship neither did I hint of wanting one. All I did was watch TV. And that’s exactly what I should go back doing. Everything else is too much trouble.
If you believe astrology is more than myth, at times I see more of a Sagittarian in Mr G and the Capricorn in myself. He claims to prefer seeing the world, as for me, seeing too much may not be a good thing. Because I do it alone I come back different each time. Even when you have a story to tell, no one would understand because they weren’t there.
I go around like a pauper and do overland instead of airplanes. The romanticism of such an act moves people but it stops right there. Few carry the notion further. If you would like to, I’m sure you can do it too. Only material pursuits get in the way. Most people choose cars, clubs and chicks over spending on travel.
I believe Mr G does view me more than just a sex buddy. He reminded me not to use that term because we were never there. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s natural for feelings to develop after a period of time.
But what really matters now is he left without saying good bye.
And what happened with Mr G last week stank. For the first time in a long time I was left alone on the bed. For the first time at all I was ignored when I said goodbye. I could’ve yelled, screamed, thrown a hissy fit but that would bring me nowhere. Frankly, it didn’t feel good as a female. I feel used. Mr G probably thinks I am very loose. Easily discarded before re using again. But am I in a position to blame him?
Was Mr G relieved that the midnight f&%k was gone or was he hollow from being alone again? For someone like me, it’s usually easy getting answers but he has a sombre air about him. So much so I knew better to shut up and leave than push him further. Suddenly I tittered on the high wire of morphing into the exact replica of twenty some things I discarded before. Monster nightmares who didn’t know how to take no for an answer and didn’t understand the rules of one night games. I do not wish to become that way.
Even as I think about this, whether he is in Singapore or overseas remains a question. All he could tell me today was take good care of myself. What I didn’t understand was, why he needed to do it. Why he had to initiate contact at all. Why not just leave it as it is and not bother me again. Was he feeling sympathetic? Did he think he was being kind? Was he thinking of staying connected so we can go through the same routine if he ever comes back? If I meant nothing why couldn’t we just screw each other and let it be? Why did he have to bring me out on dates, hold my hand, laugh a lot and simply being? Am I reading too much into things? Is this a biological curse? For time immemorial I have all the questions and barely any answers.
At the end of it all, I am left feeling that the world isn’t nice. Nobody cares if you get stiffed or if your feelings get bruised. Mr G left and I would’ve done the same. Beyond telling me to take care there is nothing he can offer. I cannot even perform a satisfying shout out, woman to man, for fear of having it come back at me one day in this line of work. If they say the loving is a battlefield and he went away wounded, then I am left dead.
I think he wants to play with me. Wants to give me false hope. Wants to see how much I’ll grovel. It's probably wiser not to play this game. Saying goes it’s one thing if you don’t know what to do, but if you know what to do and don’t do it, then you’re double-dumb.
No use rationalising this.
No point in longing for what’s been left behind.
Perhaps I received return for whatever I brought to it.
Always keep back ups because there will always be another. Always.
Initially, he probably thought that he was lucky - to be about hook up a young lady and end up making out with her. Surely, both lust and emotional void were present, serving as catalysis for this scenario to take flight. There are unresolved needs and therefore actions will be taken to satisfy them – under Freudian theory, this is the ID component and in astrology, that’s govern by Mars.
Your befuddlement stemmed from your personal justification in your case. Beyond those well-articulated words, you painted a phantasmal outlook that has failed to take on substance and conjure a ‘form’ (a relationship). It remains as hollow as you first uncovered, akin to a maw of blackness, constantly mutating and evolving from some macabre shade of darkness. You tried to figure out the undulating shape - gradually you realized it has no definite structure and everything existed solely on how you deemed fit – all areas and perimeters are perpetually reframing.
Strangers? Both yes and no.
Causal Friends? Both yes and no.
Good friends? Both yes and no.
BGR? Both yes and no.
Sex buddy? Both yes and no.
And it doesn’t matter how long this list were to be as either one of you can conveniently make length, width or height adjustments to fit the puzzle.
Then it comes to the part about 'something more than just bed buddy'; the journey has come to a juncture where you had no other alternatives but 'coerced to believe' that this must be something more than just sexual, simply because he display acts of 'asking dates, holding your hands, laughing a lot and simply being'.
Humans often justify their own existence on Earth by claiming that they have a 'mission' during their short stay here. But what if the truth is such that life is but a meaningless cycle to debunk conventional ideology? You will probably encounter scores of people upbraiding you that it's not like that because there MUST be a reason for our existence. There must be.
As confused as yourself, he might even query himself on whether he still see you as a sex-buddy or has he really fell in love. In fact, my analogy in the above paragraph might just happen - both of you felt that there must be something more to it as the situations has turned out to be this way and there MUST be a reason. There must be.
But is there anything more? Apparently, it may not be.
Cheers
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Aunt Agony II 290507
Originally posted by jefflim:
hi jus happened to chance upon tis forum.. been reading up a little here n there abt the life exp from the ppls in this forum.
tonight, im feeling kinda down atm..
to think of it, its been more than 2 yrs.. 2yrs of waiting..
have u ever waited for some1 that you eventually know she/he wont be yrs in e end..
put her in e 1st place, above everythin else. to me, she is even more impt to me than myself.. in my heart she's a impt person to me. the most impt in fact..
ive met her in sch. it was not love at 1st sight. i liked her bcuz .. umm.. i dun reali koe.but she does have a strong character, which is some what diff from the girls i know. when u love some1, it doesnt need a reason ye?
but to her.. i jus came to realised there's no place in her heart for me..
im jus so insignificant to her. its like she can jolly well do w/o me.
when i realised im in love with her, i din express to her. bcuz she had a bf of 5yr den.. i knew i had no chance. moreover im jus a normal lookin guy with nth to be proud of.
waited n waited.. i finaly let her koe of my feeling..i got rejected..
when she broke up with her bf, i was beside her . accompanying her.. tryin to cheer her up.. i thought i wld have a chance ..
when she was down with chicken pox, i was there for her too, bought her stuffs to eat even tho it takes 1.5hr for me to reach her hse..
til.. she met another new guy.. and got together in less than 1mth.. dat was one of the bottom low of my life. i din koe what to do or what can i actualy do..
jus feel so dead..
ive tried to stop contacting her.. stop going to sch bcuz im afraid tat the feeling wil be back whenever i c her. tried working myself to 3-4am in the morning b4 going home feeling weary n too tired to think of anythin..
jus when i tot i cld do it.. she sudenly told me that guy was jus playin with her.. she was feeling sad n down. i jus couldnt bear to c her in such a state, so i went back to her. accompanying her..
we became the best fren, going out alot.. smsing.. chatting on phone.. she wld alwiz tel me how she was doing n whats happening in her life
i sort of knew we might not be together in the end, but i jus cant make myself give her up. i love her alot, reali.
now that she's out working.. she's changed alot.. not that playful as she used to be. to be honest, i dun like girls who clubs or smoke.. but i kept telling myself that if i love her, i shld accept everythin. i eventually did. simply becuz i like her too much.. the change in her, makes me like her alot more..
thoughout the 2 yrs, ive changed alot for her.. my bad points that she was initially not happy with. i tried reali hard to change em.. eventually i succeeded. and she knew i changed for her..
and so.. it went on..
for some reasons, now adays she seem restless when she's tokin to me and replyin my sms. its like very mian qiang.. i duno whats wrong.. ive tried tokin to her, askin her what went wrong.. but she jus told me ytd that she find we have nth much to tok now adays..
ive tried to create topic.. it jus doesnt happen.. it takes 2 hands to clap , isnt it?
honestly im contented jus to be her best fren n to be by her side til she found some 1 who love her more than i do, a gd bf. i learn to let go when that time comes..
she's a nice girl.. she reali is.. actualy she told me a couple of times to give up.. i jus cant do it.
im feeling tired.. reali tired
going ns in a few wks time.. everythin might jus end.. jus cant help to feel so sad that no matter what i do, its jus useless..
i know im gonna miss her badly in there.. n to put it bluntly, i dont think she wil even care..
thnx for reading..everythi is inside me for so long..i jus wanted to let it out so that i wil feel better.. hopefuly..
if she ever see tis, i jus wan her to koe that to me she's a very impt person. no matter where i am, i sincerely hope that she wil find her happiness 1 day with smiles on her face every single moment of her life.
Always the second consideration, but never the choice - despite that, in comparison to how long you have literally invested, somehow it seemed a 'pity' to let go.
It becomes an accumulative effect and like gambling, the more money you lose, the more you felt that you can't halt, albeit you are bleeding profusely. You said you are tired, but you can't stop - that's an oxymoron.
Truth is that you reject the impossible notion and clung on like a furtive shadow, praying that somehow, miracles may happen and transform that lurking shadow into a man of flesh and blood one day.
Will that day ever happen? That's pretty much idealistic.
This woman may view you as a good friend, but romantically, it's way out of question. Being nice and all that stuff are great, but sometimes, it's more than just being a doormat in love. Of course, it may be noble to make claims as such in your last paragraph, but only time can tell if this will carry through. So many 'good guys' grew disillusioned, once believed in similar mindset, only to realized that they being 'good' is but a facade.
An aimless wait is probably one of the most depressing thingy ever. I say strike out and forge your own destiny in love. You are probably better off with someone who can and knows how to appreciate you as a whole - find her.
Cheers
hi jus happened to chance upon tis forum.. been reading up a little here n there abt the life exp from the ppls in this forum.
tonight, im feeling kinda down atm..
to think of it, its been more than 2 yrs.. 2yrs of waiting..
have u ever waited for some1 that you eventually know she/he wont be yrs in e end..
put her in e 1st place, above everythin else. to me, she is even more impt to me than myself.. in my heart she's a impt person to me. the most impt in fact..
ive met her in sch. it was not love at 1st sight. i liked her bcuz .. umm.. i dun reali koe.but she does have a strong character, which is some what diff from the girls i know. when u love some1, it doesnt need a reason ye?
but to her.. i jus came to realised there's no place in her heart for me..
im jus so insignificant to her. its like she can jolly well do w/o me.
when i realised im in love with her, i din express to her. bcuz she had a bf of 5yr den.. i knew i had no chance. moreover im jus a normal lookin guy with nth to be proud of.
waited n waited.. i finaly let her koe of my feeling..i got rejected..
when she broke up with her bf, i was beside her . accompanying her.. tryin to cheer her up.. i thought i wld have a chance ..
when she was down with chicken pox, i was there for her too, bought her stuffs to eat even tho it takes 1.5hr for me to reach her hse..
til.. she met another new guy.. and got together in less than 1mth.. dat was one of the bottom low of my life. i din koe what to do or what can i actualy do..
jus feel so dead..
ive tried to stop contacting her.. stop going to sch bcuz im afraid tat the feeling wil be back whenever i c her. tried working myself to 3-4am in the morning b4 going home feeling weary n too tired to think of anythin..
jus when i tot i cld do it.. she sudenly told me that guy was jus playin with her.. she was feeling sad n down. i jus couldnt bear to c her in such a state, so i went back to her. accompanying her..
we became the best fren, going out alot.. smsing.. chatting on phone.. she wld alwiz tel me how she was doing n whats happening in her life
i sort of knew we might not be together in the end, but i jus cant make myself give her up. i love her alot, reali.
now that she's out working.. she's changed alot.. not that playful as she used to be. to be honest, i dun like girls who clubs or smoke.. but i kept telling myself that if i love her, i shld accept everythin. i eventually did. simply becuz i like her too much.. the change in her, makes me like her alot more..
thoughout the 2 yrs, ive changed alot for her.. my bad points that she was initially not happy with. i tried reali hard to change em.. eventually i succeeded. and she knew i changed for her..
and so.. it went on..
for some reasons, now adays she seem restless when she's tokin to me and replyin my sms. its like very mian qiang.. i duno whats wrong.. ive tried tokin to her, askin her what went wrong.. but she jus told me ytd that she find we have nth much to tok now adays..
ive tried to create topic.. it jus doesnt happen.. it takes 2 hands to clap , isnt it?
honestly im contented jus to be her best fren n to be by her side til she found some 1 who love her more than i do, a gd bf. i learn to let go when that time comes..
she's a nice girl.. she reali is.. actualy she told me a couple of times to give up.. i jus cant do it.
im feeling tired.. reali tired
going ns in a few wks time.. everythin might jus end.. jus cant help to feel so sad that no matter what i do, its jus useless..
i know im gonna miss her badly in there.. n to put it bluntly, i dont think she wil even care..
thnx for reading..everythi is inside me for so long..i jus wanted to let it out so that i wil feel better.. hopefuly..
if she ever see tis, i jus wan her to koe that to me she's a very impt person. no matter where i am, i sincerely hope that she wil find her happiness 1 day with smiles on her face every single moment of her life.
Always the second consideration, but never the choice - despite that, in comparison to how long you have literally invested, somehow it seemed a 'pity' to let go.
It becomes an accumulative effect and like gambling, the more money you lose, the more you felt that you can't halt, albeit you are bleeding profusely. You said you are tired, but you can't stop - that's an oxymoron.
Truth is that you reject the impossible notion and clung on like a furtive shadow, praying that somehow, miracles may happen and transform that lurking shadow into a man of flesh and blood one day.
Will that day ever happen? That's pretty much idealistic.
This woman may view you as a good friend, but romantically, it's way out of question. Being nice and all that stuff are great, but sometimes, it's more than just being a doormat in love. Of course, it may be noble to make claims as such in your last paragraph, but only time can tell if this will carry through. So many 'good guys' grew disillusioned, once believed in similar mindset, only to realized that they being 'good' is but a facade.
An aimless wait is probably one of the most depressing thingy ever. I say strike out and forge your own destiny in love. You are probably better off with someone who can and knows how to appreciate you as a whole - find her.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 290507
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
Just writing in here hoping to feel better after pouring it out.
A little less than 2 years ago, I chanced upon Mr G through a shared project at work. Though there were no sparks and we hardly made conversation initially, one encounter probably initiated what carried on and happened the next 2 years. Things began rather strangely, I've never looked upon him as someone who might be my type. He is older and the sort who communicated more with mandarin and dialect, I am younger, and what you would call, the "ang moh type."
I was going through a difficult period of my life back then, having to cope with family and financial difficulties plus looking after my then bed ridden father who was passing from terminal cancer. That was when I started going out with Mr G.
I have no clear idea why I enjoyed going out with him, it was probably the annonymity of being with a person who didn't understand me or was very far apart from the realities of life that were hanging over me... I considered our dates momentary escapism. For a few hours each time, I left everything behind and went around a Mr G I didn't care for. He didn't care for me. And I found myself lured to this company. It was easy. There were no heavy discussions about life and problems, just conversation about the simpler things and some laughter.
A month or so later, we slept together. A few months later, my father passed. And Mr G left for work overseas. I have no idea really what things meant back then but I assumed it was over. My problems were over. And Mr G was gone. And so the affair ended.
Between the 3 months we dated and slept together, the relationship between us was a push and pull. I suppose. Initially, I'd been nicer. Sometimes asking him out for a movie but he didn't sound interested so I assumed we are hanging around each other for the sex. Soon afterwards he began calling me in the after noons, sometimes everyday, sometimes making a meal, sometimes wishing I stayed over and sometimes wanting to go out the same day even after we parted. Then he left. But found me a job with him overseas. I chose not to join him. And left traveling by myself. I didn't know why he wanted me to join him back then. The cynical side of me imagined he wanted a free bed partner and he wanted my company due to the loneliness overseas. When he called me during my backpacking days and asked why I couldn't seem to share the adventurous things I did with him, the better part of me believed he had feelings. Nothing happened in the end. He came back to Singapore. And so did I. And we carried on. We borrow our company; an occasional visit or drink. Momentarily leaving the realities of our separate lives behind and simply laughing about unimportant things.
We carried on behaving like friends in public. Other times intimate in private. Things were complicated because we ran in the similar public circles. Even after a year of sleeping with each other repeatedly every week, he was nervous, sometimes shy when we are out together. In private, he drank a lot. We bumped into each other at work and were formally introduced as colleagues. The irony of being asked if we knew each other before hand at the office when a few days before the introduction we'd been fucking each other's brains out was a little too dramatic for me to handle. Not knowing how to behave around him at work, I threw in the towel and left before the project began.
I left traveling again. The new year passed. I had no idea exactly what I was running from. I probably liked Mr G a plenty but had no idea how to reconciliate my liking with all that has happened. The same thing happened. He was alright, sometimes offering to pick me up or send me off, other times calling and saying he misses me. I came back. We started again. After a year of being strangers, he suddenly held my hand one time. I had no idea what that meant but he was quiet when he did it and so was I. We did nothing but slept with each other. Often nothing was being said since I told him he doesn't have to feel obliged to make conversation after sex if he didnt want to.
Because nothing was being said, I rarely knew what Mr G feels most of the time. Only recently after I came back from a last trip, he was often quieter but doting. Many times holding me very tightly throughout the night until I fell asleep. Other times he would sleep away on a couch, quiet, by himself old music humming in the background.
I realise at times that Mr G, is ultimately a loner at his best, solo from the view he loves. His private, desolate appeal was probably what kept me going back. Or perhaps it was the night, and a city in deep slumber that rustles a certain lonely quality, elusive and hollow, that brought me back to the same circle again and again. Sleeplessness from working erratic hours and probably loneliness. The need for closeness. Physical intimacy. I have no idea.
I don't know if he has anyone else in another country or if we were nothing. The pleasures of having experienced whatever encounter we had, was always deterred by spontaneous dates with others. When I would drive out into the same kind of night, with another someone, in search of filling the void left behind by Mr G whenever he wasn't around. I am beyond wanting relationships. Or the fun filled conventions of being in one. It tires me. It is exhausting. I have seen friends going through disappointments and anguish all for nothing in the end. And I do not want to go through it again. I have nothing to offer in a relationship neither do I know how to behave in one.
I don't know why I do it if Mr G meant anything at all. I'm not expecting him to consider anything serious with me because I am probably not worth his time. The last time we were out, he took my phone and saw the messages from my previous date. He didn't say anything. If he called and I was out with friends, he would coolly tell me to go keep my friend company. But continue sending me messages till I was home. He never asked me out on Valentines. Just wishing me happy valentines day the day before and sends me messages asking if I was home on Valentines.
Today he is back overseas. There wasn't difficult leaving and he'd given me the news after he arrived over there though I knew he was making a trip for work.
A few weeks before, I'd asked him what this was all about. He told me we are more than close and he wanted to mean something to me. But couldn't ask me for more because I do not want a relationship. He'd said the same thing a year ago, that he didn't want a relationship. (That is man speak for not wanting a relationship with me. I understand.)
And he asked why I never seemed to call him. That he wanted surprises. He was right about that. I never once called him or initiated contact throughout the time we spent together. Even if I were to cancel on him last minute, he had no temper. Just wishing me goodnight and to enjoy my evening, have my fun. It felt like I meant nothing to him because he was so unaffected. Afterwards he said there was nothing he could do because he isn't the type of person to keep pestering me if I didn't want to go out.
So now he is away. And I have no idea what would happen next. Probably a looming knowing this has finally ended. The last time we met, for the first time in my entire life, I'd been left alone on the bed while he slept on his couch. Afterwards ignoring me when I said goodbye. I'm not blaming anybody much less him. For a woman who has closed his doors repeatedly, I probably deserved it.
We will probably come and go in each other’s lives without warning. These intermittent encounters will continue leaving me with a hint of longing until the day I stop seeing him.
Just wondering what any of you would've done if you were in my shoes.
You wondered how illogical this situation has evolved into as you gazed through every aspect of this perplexing equation, trying to resolve it with your own means. Then you realised that there seemed to be several ways of 'solving' your quagmire and you took a couple of different approaches, but eventually, no matter how different those working steps you tried time and again, it brings you back to square one - same answer.
Therefore, the real question: Is there something wrong with the working steps? Or does the issue lies with the equation?
***
Two people, though shrouded by similar fear of commitment, would still have their own inner needs. This need is real and like an unstable molecule, it will seek another molecule to bond and achieve stability. A relationship is still a possible option even if sex is introduced before a relationship (likely, you probably might actually have a couple of short-term flings born out of such context), but there's this subconscious aversion to commitment as a whole. Somehow, it's seemed better to remain aloof and to keep a considerable emotional distance as the both of you 'unanimously and tacitly agreed' on this a classic sex-buddy relationship.
I agree with CuriousOrange as he may begin to view you more than a sex buddy, but imho, like yourself, he finds it arduous to abnegate current status quo and introduce the dreaded 'commitment thingy'. Because I bet he knows that once he brings this relationship to the next level, he will risk losing everything. Possibly even the sex buddy relationship.
Why would anyone encumber themselves with additional responsibilities while enjoying the same rewards? Crudely put - he could milk all the sex he needs from you without actually having to 'pay the price' of maintaining a relationship. Therefore, it makes no economical sense to execute such decision.
Perhaps, it could be same for you too?
Spiritually barren and yearning for deeper companionship, but unwilling to sacrifice individualism and selfishness - running in circles with context like 'More than just friends - of course we are - but never a relationship.' There's too much travelling (a Sagittarius's love) and running away... too many avenues for escapist and avoidance behaviour. As such, one would seek for instant gratification when the need arises and vanished before the bill comes - the root of void remains.
This love model fails before it even started and to continue with a failed model is like having to work out the question with a wrong equation.
Cheers
Just writing in here hoping to feel better after pouring it out.
A little less than 2 years ago, I chanced upon Mr G through a shared project at work. Though there were no sparks and we hardly made conversation initially, one encounter probably initiated what carried on and happened the next 2 years. Things began rather strangely, I've never looked upon him as someone who might be my type. He is older and the sort who communicated more with mandarin and dialect, I am younger, and what you would call, the "ang moh type."
I was going through a difficult period of my life back then, having to cope with family and financial difficulties plus looking after my then bed ridden father who was passing from terminal cancer. That was when I started going out with Mr G.
I have no clear idea why I enjoyed going out with him, it was probably the annonymity of being with a person who didn't understand me or was very far apart from the realities of life that were hanging over me... I considered our dates momentary escapism. For a few hours each time, I left everything behind and went around a Mr G I didn't care for. He didn't care for me. And I found myself lured to this company. It was easy. There were no heavy discussions about life and problems, just conversation about the simpler things and some laughter.
A month or so later, we slept together. A few months later, my father passed. And Mr G left for work overseas. I have no idea really what things meant back then but I assumed it was over. My problems were over. And Mr G was gone. And so the affair ended.
Between the 3 months we dated and slept together, the relationship between us was a push and pull. I suppose. Initially, I'd been nicer. Sometimes asking him out for a movie but he didn't sound interested so I assumed we are hanging around each other for the sex. Soon afterwards he began calling me in the after noons, sometimes everyday, sometimes making a meal, sometimes wishing I stayed over and sometimes wanting to go out the same day even after we parted. Then he left. But found me a job with him overseas. I chose not to join him. And left traveling by myself. I didn't know why he wanted me to join him back then. The cynical side of me imagined he wanted a free bed partner and he wanted my company due to the loneliness overseas. When he called me during my backpacking days and asked why I couldn't seem to share the adventurous things I did with him, the better part of me believed he had feelings. Nothing happened in the end. He came back to Singapore. And so did I. And we carried on. We borrow our company; an occasional visit or drink. Momentarily leaving the realities of our separate lives behind and simply laughing about unimportant things.
We carried on behaving like friends in public. Other times intimate in private. Things were complicated because we ran in the similar public circles. Even after a year of sleeping with each other repeatedly every week, he was nervous, sometimes shy when we are out together. In private, he drank a lot. We bumped into each other at work and were formally introduced as colleagues. The irony of being asked if we knew each other before hand at the office when a few days before the introduction we'd been fucking each other's brains out was a little too dramatic for me to handle. Not knowing how to behave around him at work, I threw in the towel and left before the project began.
I left traveling again. The new year passed. I had no idea exactly what I was running from. I probably liked Mr G a plenty but had no idea how to reconciliate my liking with all that has happened. The same thing happened. He was alright, sometimes offering to pick me up or send me off, other times calling and saying he misses me. I came back. We started again. After a year of being strangers, he suddenly held my hand one time. I had no idea what that meant but he was quiet when he did it and so was I. We did nothing but slept with each other. Often nothing was being said since I told him he doesn't have to feel obliged to make conversation after sex if he didnt want to.
Because nothing was being said, I rarely knew what Mr G feels most of the time. Only recently after I came back from a last trip, he was often quieter but doting. Many times holding me very tightly throughout the night until I fell asleep. Other times he would sleep away on a couch, quiet, by himself old music humming in the background.
I realise at times that Mr G, is ultimately a loner at his best, solo from the view he loves. His private, desolate appeal was probably what kept me going back. Or perhaps it was the night, and a city in deep slumber that rustles a certain lonely quality, elusive and hollow, that brought me back to the same circle again and again. Sleeplessness from working erratic hours and probably loneliness. The need for closeness. Physical intimacy. I have no idea.
I don't know if he has anyone else in another country or if we were nothing. The pleasures of having experienced whatever encounter we had, was always deterred by spontaneous dates with others. When I would drive out into the same kind of night, with another someone, in search of filling the void left behind by Mr G whenever he wasn't around. I am beyond wanting relationships. Or the fun filled conventions of being in one. It tires me. It is exhausting. I have seen friends going through disappointments and anguish all for nothing in the end. And I do not want to go through it again. I have nothing to offer in a relationship neither do I know how to behave in one.
I don't know why I do it if Mr G meant anything at all. I'm not expecting him to consider anything serious with me because I am probably not worth his time. The last time we were out, he took my phone and saw the messages from my previous date. He didn't say anything. If he called and I was out with friends, he would coolly tell me to go keep my friend company. But continue sending me messages till I was home. He never asked me out on Valentines. Just wishing me happy valentines day the day before and sends me messages asking if I was home on Valentines.
Today he is back overseas. There wasn't difficult leaving and he'd given me the news after he arrived over there though I knew he was making a trip for work.
A few weeks before, I'd asked him what this was all about. He told me we are more than close and he wanted to mean something to me. But couldn't ask me for more because I do not want a relationship. He'd said the same thing a year ago, that he didn't want a relationship. (That is man speak for not wanting a relationship with me. I understand.)
And he asked why I never seemed to call him. That he wanted surprises. He was right about that. I never once called him or initiated contact throughout the time we spent together. Even if I were to cancel on him last minute, he had no temper. Just wishing me goodnight and to enjoy my evening, have my fun. It felt like I meant nothing to him because he was so unaffected. Afterwards he said there was nothing he could do because he isn't the type of person to keep pestering me if I didn't want to go out.
So now he is away. And I have no idea what would happen next. Probably a looming knowing this has finally ended. The last time we met, for the first time in my entire life, I'd been left alone on the bed while he slept on his couch. Afterwards ignoring me when I said goodbye. I'm not blaming anybody much less him. For a woman who has closed his doors repeatedly, I probably deserved it.
We will probably come and go in each other’s lives without warning. These intermittent encounters will continue leaving me with a hint of longing until the day I stop seeing him.
Just wondering what any of you would've done if you were in my shoes.
You wondered how illogical this situation has evolved into as you gazed through every aspect of this perplexing equation, trying to resolve it with your own means. Then you realised that there seemed to be several ways of 'solving' your quagmire and you took a couple of different approaches, but eventually, no matter how different those working steps you tried time and again, it brings you back to square one - same answer.
Therefore, the real question: Is there something wrong with the working steps? Or does the issue lies with the equation?
***
Two people, though shrouded by similar fear of commitment, would still have their own inner needs. This need is real and like an unstable molecule, it will seek another molecule to bond and achieve stability. A relationship is still a possible option even if sex is introduced before a relationship (likely, you probably might actually have a couple of short-term flings born out of such context), but there's this subconscious aversion to commitment as a whole. Somehow, it's seemed better to remain aloof and to keep a considerable emotional distance as the both of you 'unanimously and tacitly agreed' on this a classic sex-buddy relationship.
I agree with CuriousOrange as he may begin to view you more than a sex buddy, but imho, like yourself, he finds it arduous to abnegate current status quo and introduce the dreaded 'commitment thingy'. Because I bet he knows that once he brings this relationship to the next level, he will risk losing everything. Possibly even the sex buddy relationship.
Why would anyone encumber themselves with additional responsibilities while enjoying the same rewards? Crudely put - he could milk all the sex he needs from you without actually having to 'pay the price' of maintaining a relationship. Therefore, it makes no economical sense to execute such decision.
Perhaps, it could be same for you too?
Spiritually barren and yearning for deeper companionship, but unwilling to sacrifice individualism and selfishness - running in circles with context like 'More than just friends - of course we are - but never a relationship.' There's too much travelling (a Sagittarius's love) and running away... too many avenues for escapist and avoidance behaviour. As such, one would seek for instant gratification when the need arises and vanished before the bill comes - the root of void remains.
This love model fails before it even started and to continue with a failed model is like having to work out the question with a wrong equation.
Cheers
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Aunt Agony 270507
Originally posted by littlecow:
Hi...i have been having a problem..need some help...
There's a guy i like and he always show his interest in me...but there one thing is i found out that he's actually attached...all along he had been telling me that he's not attached this n that...and there's one time he went oversea with a fren(who is actually his gf) but he just told me that is a gal and is his best pal...he can just go out with me, watch movie and having dinner...like he need not have to accompany his gf...i'm actually wondering what is he thinking...should i "confront" him? My best fren ask me to confront him straight away.
Since you know that he's unavailable, you could keep this friendship a causal one (non-romantic). He may have shown interest, but that has not translate to any declaration of intentions to pursue a relationship with you, so it's still pretty much ambiguous.
There are many possibilities and it's still too early to deduce. I suggest what you could do is to preserve current status quo and maintain it. Then take your own time to find out more about this guy you are dating.
Also, always remember that albeit he could request to date you, but you can also reject his date.
As for the confrontation, I see it as mundane - especially since you are not his gf. Just keep your eyes wide-open when you are dealing with him. Who knows? Gradually, you might just realized that he isn't suitable for you to begin with in the first place and you will probably know what to do by then.
Cheers
Hi...i have been having a problem..need some help...
There's a guy i like and he always show his interest in me...but there one thing is i found out that he's actually attached...all along he had been telling me that he's not attached this n that...and there's one time he went oversea with a fren(who is actually his gf) but he just told me that is a gal and is his best pal...he can just go out with me, watch movie and having dinner...like he need not have to accompany his gf...i'm actually wondering what is he thinking...should i "confront" him? My best fren ask me to confront him straight away.
Since you know that he's unavailable, you could keep this friendship a causal one (non-romantic). He may have shown interest, but that has not translate to any declaration of intentions to pursue a relationship with you, so it's still pretty much ambiguous.
There are many possibilities and it's still too early to deduce. I suggest what you could do is to preserve current status quo and maintain it. Then take your own time to find out more about this guy you are dating.
Also, always remember that albeit he could request to date you, but you can also reject his date.
As for the confrontation, I see it as mundane - especially since you are not his gf. Just keep your eyes wide-open when you are dealing with him. Who knows? Gradually, you might just realized that he isn't suitable for you to begin with in the first place and you will probably know what to do by then.
Cheers
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Aunt Agony 260507
Originally posted by James1:
How long you take to forget someone you like deeply and how?
I just visited my ex at her place equipping myself with a boutique of roses hoping she would give me one more chance but ultimately it turns out the other way.
When she saw me holding a flowers in my hand, she immediately turns away and rejected instantly saying it's all over.
Reasons for breaking up is due to my foolishness and childness for constantly comparing myself with her ex, kept digging her past sex life. It's all too late to realize everything, now she only wanted to treat me as a friend and not more than that. How? devastated, confuse, hurt and etc, all i can do is only accept it unwillingly. She's my first love and the longest duration among all my ex. We had been together for 6 months...
How to swallow this pain? Friends suggest not to think so much but it don't last long, everytime when I was doing nothing, the memory always flash back and we had go almost every places in singapore and each time I visit the places with friends, I tend to think back the memory.
On the scale of life meter, this is you:
-4
And this is her:
+5
If you prefer to live in your past and deny the existence of your future, then your scale will continue to regress until the day when you find yourself completely out of tune with reality. You will continue to regress as long as you allow yourself to be bounded by 'rationales' that provide you ample excuses to be stagnant.
You knew you that you were not matured back then and acquired a costly lesson. Why not bring that lesson with you (since you had already 'paid' that lesson) and strive to excel towards a next possible relationship?
Your ex-girlfriend will not bother about whether you are moving on or not. Here you are telling us about how depress you are and how she meant a world to you and there she is revelling in the gaiety of her new life. Then perhaps you should have that maturity to be accepting and learn to proceed forward instead of back-tracking your route.
Seriously, doing silly things like popping by with a bunch of roses just further your losses and counting.
Mend your wounds first by being accepting about your situation. Only then you could allow yourself the condition to recover.
Cheers
How long you take to forget someone you like deeply and how?
I just visited my ex at her place equipping myself with a boutique of roses hoping she would give me one more chance but ultimately it turns out the other way.
When she saw me holding a flowers in my hand, she immediately turns away and rejected instantly saying it's all over.
Reasons for breaking up is due to my foolishness and childness for constantly comparing myself with her ex, kept digging her past sex life. It's all too late to realize everything, now she only wanted to treat me as a friend and not more than that. How? devastated, confuse, hurt and etc, all i can do is only accept it unwillingly. She's my first love and the longest duration among all my ex. We had been together for 6 months...
How to swallow this pain? Friends suggest not to think so much but it don't last long, everytime when I was doing nothing, the memory always flash back and we had go almost every places in singapore and each time I visit the places with friends, I tend to think back the memory.
On the scale of life meter, this is you:
-4
And this is her:
+5
If you prefer to live in your past and deny the existence of your future, then your scale will continue to regress until the day when you find yourself completely out of tune with reality. You will continue to regress as long as you allow yourself to be bounded by 'rationales' that provide you ample excuses to be stagnant.
You knew you that you were not matured back then and acquired a costly lesson. Why not bring that lesson with you (since you had already 'paid' that lesson) and strive to excel towards a next possible relationship?
Your ex-girlfriend will not bother about whether you are moving on or not. Here you are telling us about how depress you are and how she meant a world to you and there she is revelling in the gaiety of her new life. Then perhaps you should have that maturity to be accepting and learn to proceed forward instead of back-tracking your route.
Seriously, doing silly things like popping by with a bunch of roses just further your losses and counting.
Mend your wounds first by being accepting about your situation. Only then you could allow yourself the condition to recover.
Cheers
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Aunt Agony II 230507
Originally posted by =hAze=:
is it really that necessary to ask the 'Can u be my gf/bf?' question?
what if the guy/gal didn't ask but already take it as it is?
are they considered gf and bf like that?
Not necessary, but whatever he does, it must be blatant.
Some guys, on pretext of being shy, kept it silent. Similarly, some players use that sort of ambiguous modus operandi to fool around.
But whatever it is, if a man initiate chase to his woman, he should also have the balls to close his 'deal' and learn to say 'I love you.'
If a man has no guts to tell a woman he loves her, perhaps the woman should just accept the other man who does just that.
Cheers
is it really that necessary to ask the 'Can u be my gf/bf?' question?
what if the guy/gal didn't ask but already take it as it is?
are they considered gf and bf like that?
Not necessary, but whatever he does, it must be blatant.
Some guys, on pretext of being shy, kept it silent. Similarly, some players use that sort of ambiguous modus operandi to fool around.
But whatever it is, if a man initiate chase to his woman, he should also have the balls to close his 'deal' and learn to say 'I love you.'
If a man has no guts to tell a woman he loves her, perhaps the woman should just accept the other man who does just that.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 230507
Originally posted by Vampire X:
I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?
Your man is a traditional man, being relatively conservative in his approach with affection and appreciation. Man like him tends to display a 'reverse' order in attitude towards their relationship as they generally buy the self belief that love means having to discipline... the way parents do to their child and tell them that's love for them. They will probably relate this typical story: 'If I didn't care for you, you think I even bother to scold you?'
The traditional man also sees himself as the provider and his ability to provide comes from his career. He may seemed nonchalant when it comes to his work, because he's fighting a war out in the corporate world, attempting to improve his market value, job prospect, salary, promotion, learn new skill sets and everything else that could give him any form of opportunities to become a better provider in the long run... insofar as to be able to provide a better life for his SO (significant other) and his future kids.
Unfortunately, in that perceived 'near-perfect' macro picture, the traditional man often omits the finer brush details and neglected the woman's emotional needs. And if he subconsciously decides that the length of the relationship itself, which is actually false pride, could surmount most challenges, that sort of mindset could cost him a hell of a price to pay.
There are times when a woman would be equally happy even if their man merely sits with her, while watching her favourite show together and devouring that tub of ice cream.
I won't say that Y is definitely a viable candidate for you to leap ship, but surely, he enlightens your long-suppressed heart and mind by revealing the frustration you experienced in your current relationship.
Would you have faced this conundrum if your relationship is blissful? Not likely or at least you wouldn't be so affected.
Looking deeper; why is your relationship so unfulfilling for you? Is it because you are NOT communicating enough to build that basis understanding and expectation of what a relationship should be like? Chances are, your man has no idea of what you are feeling absolutely, despite leading the relationship for five years, as it appears to me like you are very accepting about the unnecessary evil that is causing your unhappiness.
It would probably be worse if his parents are exuding such qualities as well - those sublime early childhood influences might just linger far too much.
Before you execute him from your life - give him a fair trial. At least, imho, if your situation improves, you might still want this relationship ultimately. Date him out and give a solid heart-to-heart talk. Make this matter a known case and at least see if there's a mutual agreement/solution to resolve it.
Cheers
I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?
Your man is a traditional man, being relatively conservative in his approach with affection and appreciation. Man like him tends to display a 'reverse' order in attitude towards their relationship as they generally buy the self belief that love means having to discipline... the way parents do to their child and tell them that's love for them. They will probably relate this typical story: 'If I didn't care for you, you think I even bother to scold you?'
The traditional man also sees himself as the provider and his ability to provide comes from his career. He may seemed nonchalant when it comes to his work, because he's fighting a war out in the corporate world, attempting to improve his market value, job prospect, salary, promotion, learn new skill sets and everything else that could give him any form of opportunities to become a better provider in the long run... insofar as to be able to provide a better life for his SO (significant other) and his future kids.
Unfortunately, in that perceived 'near-perfect' macro picture, the traditional man often omits the finer brush details and neglected the woman's emotional needs. And if he subconsciously decides that the length of the relationship itself, which is actually false pride, could surmount most challenges, that sort of mindset could cost him a hell of a price to pay.
There are times when a woman would be equally happy even if their man merely sits with her, while watching her favourite show together and devouring that tub of ice cream.
I won't say that Y is definitely a viable candidate for you to leap ship, but surely, he enlightens your long-suppressed heart and mind by revealing the frustration you experienced in your current relationship.
Would you have faced this conundrum if your relationship is blissful? Not likely or at least you wouldn't be so affected.
Looking deeper; why is your relationship so unfulfilling for you? Is it because you are NOT communicating enough to build that basis understanding and expectation of what a relationship should be like? Chances are, your man has no idea of what you are feeling absolutely, despite leading the relationship for five years, as it appears to me like you are very accepting about the unnecessary evil that is causing your unhappiness.
It would probably be worse if his parents are exuding such qualities as well - those sublime early childhood influences might just linger far too much.
Before you execute him from your life - give him a fair trial. At least, imho, if your situation improves, you might still want this relationship ultimately. Date him out and give a solid heart-to-heart talk. Make this matter a known case and at least see if there's a mutual agreement/solution to resolve it.
Cheers
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Michelle's 21th Birthday
I was just wondering how many of you would turn your head, just to have a better look at it.
Yeah, a busty cake... literally... on Michelle's 21th birthday.
And I got stalked by a damn cat.... zzz!
Cheers
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Aunt Agony 190507
Originally posted by projectlime:
To People Who Are Sad Due To Breakups.
i just read a couple of quotes over there.. some are pretty meaningful ones.
you know, at this point in time, i think im just about to break-up sooner or later. (im still hoping it will NOT)
*my girlfriend.... she told me that she got nomore feelings for me anymore. SHE WANTS A BREAK. WE TAKING A TIME_OFF now. and its not about another guy, which i believed. i tried talking to her best friend, which is my sort of my friend also, asking if she can advice me. She told me that my girlfriend really want me to understand and let go. i was devasted.. i was so so blur and dun really understand, i asked her, what does she mean by she got no feelings for me anymore? if she is sick of me, why cant she just tell me straight to my face? what really makes the feeling goes away? you know.. at least tell the chief WHY you like or dislike his food.....
the friend told me to just understand that my gal no longer have anymore feelings for me. if i really love her, i should let her go.............
hey people, i've seen my fair share of breakups and i keep thinking i can get over it, if it will to happen to me. but im so sad and heart broken right now, i really dunno what to do. somebody pls help me... is there still hope? theres always hope... but is there any this scenario? or should i just... "if you love her, let her go. if she comes back, its meant to be" ?
the thing is, i dont want to...i seriously still love her. another thing the friend pointed out is that my gal told her that we have really nothing else to talk about anymore. i agree that sometimes we do have long silent and dunno wat to do times. but i love this girl and i want to make it work... im serving ns now. trying to get my bike. and im thinking of the fun thing we can do in the future... so we will have more things to talk about too. i really want to be with her... in fact, i think of marrying her. YES, i'm 20, she's 17 only. you know wat, you can judge me or watever, but i really enjoy my time with her. she's someone i really cherished. I THINK SHE IS REALLY SPECIAL.
help me... tell me what to do. PLEASE........ im in so much agony right now
There are always reasons for breaking up; the difference is whether that reason is conveyed to you verbally or not. But eventually, you will realise that the reasons given are not as important as the execution and the desire to leave. That's probably akin to death, where there's little meaning in analyzing a person's death since even if you have the answer, the poignant lost is permanent. There's nothing you could do to resurrect that dead soul other than using the case study to prevent future mishap.
I won't go about trying to explain the possibilities because there are indeed quite a number of it.
You probably have two choices:
i) One is to seek her out and understand the real underlying reason behind the break-up (even so, you might not get the real thing). Of course, she will likely not agree to your request if you are completely unstable.
ii) Gather your stuff and move on, knowing that even if you do meet her and such, there's little you could do since you can't force love out of anybody or to be in a relationship with you.
Cheers
To People Who Are Sad Due To Breakups.
i just read a couple of quotes over there.. some are pretty meaningful ones.
you know, at this point in time, i think im just about to break-up sooner or later. (im still hoping it will NOT)
*my girlfriend.... she told me that she got nomore feelings for me anymore. SHE WANTS A BREAK. WE TAKING A TIME_OFF now. and its not about another guy, which i believed. i tried talking to her best friend, which is my sort of my friend also, asking if she can advice me. She told me that my girlfriend really want me to understand and let go. i was devasted.. i was so so blur and dun really understand, i asked her, what does she mean by she got no feelings for me anymore? if she is sick of me, why cant she just tell me straight to my face? what really makes the feeling goes away? you know.. at least tell the chief WHY you like or dislike his food.....
the friend told me to just understand that my gal no longer have anymore feelings for me. if i really love her, i should let her go.............
hey people, i've seen my fair share of breakups and i keep thinking i can get over it, if it will to happen to me. but im so sad and heart broken right now, i really dunno what to do. somebody pls help me... is there still hope? theres always hope... but is there any this scenario? or should i just... "if you love her, let her go. if she comes back, its meant to be" ?
the thing is, i dont want to...i seriously still love her. another thing the friend pointed out is that my gal told her that we have really nothing else to talk about anymore. i agree that sometimes we do have long silent and dunno wat to do times. but i love this girl and i want to make it work... im serving ns now. trying to get my bike. and im thinking of the fun thing we can do in the future... so we will have more things to talk about too. i really want to be with her... in fact, i think of marrying her. YES, i'm 20, she's 17 only. you know wat, you can judge me or watever, but i really enjoy my time with her. she's someone i really cherished. I THINK SHE IS REALLY SPECIAL.
help me... tell me what to do. PLEASE........ im in so much agony right now
There are always reasons for breaking up; the difference is whether that reason is conveyed to you verbally or not. But eventually, you will realise that the reasons given are not as important as the execution and the desire to leave. That's probably akin to death, where there's little meaning in analyzing a person's death since even if you have the answer, the poignant lost is permanent. There's nothing you could do to resurrect that dead soul other than using the case study to prevent future mishap.
I won't go about trying to explain the possibilities because there are indeed quite a number of it.
You probably have two choices:
i) One is to seek her out and understand the real underlying reason behind the break-up (even so, you might not get the real thing). Of course, she will likely not agree to your request if you are completely unstable.
ii) Gather your stuff and move on, knowing that even if you do meet her and such, there's little you could do since you can't force love out of anybody or to be in a relationship with you.
Cheers
Friday, May 18, 2007
The Almost Perfect Man
~*~Gwenda™~*~ says:
wel. he has similar qualities like u = GOOD wat
~*~Gwenda™~*~ says:
u r the almost perfect man ma
***
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA!
OMG... first time someone I knew, threw me that sort of complement.
I am not exhilarating due to flattery, but in wide-eyed amazement.
/me poke Candy. =D
AND TODAY MARKS THE END OF MY JOB WOE!!!!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!
wel. he has similar qualities like u = GOOD wat
~*~Gwenda™~*~ says:
u r the almost perfect man ma
***
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA!
OMG... first time someone I knew, threw me that sort of complement.
I am not exhilarating due to flattery, but in wide-eyed amazement.
/me poke Candy. =D
AND TODAY MARKS THE END OF MY JOB WOE!!!!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!
Grand Opening of Bape Store in Taipei
Address: BAPE STORE TAIPEI
1F. No.99 Section 4, Ren-Ai Rd.
Taipei, Taiwan
TEL #: +886-2-8771-8380
Opening this Sat 19th May 2007 at 1100 hrs. ^_^
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Aunt Agony 170507
Originally posted by FBI:
starpup shld know this gal..
anyway.
Knew this gal from a close fren.. and almost half a year. A v nice person.. from wat i observed is that she's always busy.. but there are still some space left for me and her friends.
lets call this gal "v"
recently this close fren told me that the class dislikes her and bla bla..
lied to him that i never like her but in my heart i do.. i dunno why i'm lying to myself
She's the type of gal where there are lots of guys after her (from wat i observed from her friendster)..
This is this guy that likes her for quite some time.. aite lets call him "F".
"F" have been wooing her for half a year? and still going. but the thing is "v" doesn't like "f" and she likes another guy (for quite a long time too).
and how abt me? i do like her abit.. nono i think is quite alot.
BUT!! i didn't confess to her.
Actually we can b considered best friends.. she shares her prob with me especially that "f" guy.
"f" is a v stubborn and persistent dude. Even thou got rejected by "v" and she even told him that she has someone else.. "f" doesn't give up! At times i do tell 'v" that.. "hey jus accept him?" but "v" doesn't like someone who keeps bugging her.
So i asked "v" abt that guy she likes.. i told her to drop him some hints and stuff so that he knows.. sort of encouraging her. Well i don understand why i am encouraging her.. is it because i'm her best fren thats y i don wish to see her sad or is it because i like her thats y i think that as long as she is happy with that guy, i am too?
Told me b4 that right now only studies and relationship after her "o" level.
Actually i'm not wooing her at all.. i don think that i will confess to her.. i think is because i felt low confidence? or mayb my competitors were too strong. So i felt that she will b happier with other guys rather then me.
That guy she likes:
1. is tall
2. study in poly
3. quite handsome
4. able to give her happiness rather then me (IMO)
but me?
i'm short, doens't have any good future (for now).
Sometimes she's jus emo.. abt the guy she likes.. abt why that guy didn't really bother her and stuff..
how i wish i can tell that guy to stop hurting her anymore.. i don wish to see her sad.
"yi bei zi de hao peng you hai shi yong gan de qu zhuo ta de lin yi ban?"
Thanks for reading.
Man's ego always hinders one's progression in love; I am citing your passé and extremely cliché point four: somebody else is able to give her happiness better than you do.
I heard that excuse a thousand times and I am seriously interested in knowing how are you going to gauge and decide if it was true in the first place?
In introspection, isn't this claim a product of your inferior complex rather than reflecting an actual truth?
***
This is a choice between security and freedom.
People like you opt for security - you are a best friend and wouldn't want to do anything that would jeopardise your status quo. In familiar wavelength, it's the same with an employee mindset - earning a decent salary and already warming up a good seat in the corporate hierarchy.
Many often talk about starting their own business - who actually did?
Singaporeans often complained about the government, but ended up dropping votes for the very party they hate.
These are everyday analogies that effectively describe people who desire security much more than freedom.
And therefore asking that 'someone', who desire security, to move away from certainty and to pursue something risky is often justified with excuses like 'I think he can provide her better than I do/I got a family to feed and I can't start business/I hate the garmen, but I rather not take the risk by voting alternative party/etc.'
And the fact is that there is always a mountain taller than another. There's always someone else better than you do and someone even better than the next guy. The concept of 'providing' is but relative to our perception and mindset.
If I were to tell you that real love transforms people into strength and if you are unable feel the strength to experience metamorphosis and evolve into someone powerful, then perhaps, this love is pretty much surreal. You cannot say that this quiet affection for this lady is Love, other than plain admiration or young infatuation.
In Love, the battle is always against yourself - not people outside you.
Cheers
starpup shld know this gal..
anyway.
Knew this gal from a close fren.. and almost half a year. A v nice person.. from wat i observed is that she's always busy.. but there are still some space left for me and her friends.
lets call this gal "v"
recently this close fren told me that the class dislikes her and bla bla..
lied to him that i never like her but in my heart i do.. i dunno why i'm lying to myself
She's the type of gal where there are lots of guys after her (from wat i observed from her friendster)..
This is this guy that likes her for quite some time.. aite lets call him "F".
"F" have been wooing her for half a year? and still going. but the thing is "v" doesn't like "f" and she likes another guy (for quite a long time too).
and how abt me? i do like her abit.. nono i think is quite alot.
BUT!! i didn't confess to her.
Actually we can b considered best friends.. she shares her prob with me especially that "f" guy.
"f" is a v stubborn and persistent dude. Even thou got rejected by "v" and she even told him that she has someone else.. "f" doesn't give up! At times i do tell 'v" that.. "hey jus accept him?" but "v" doesn't like someone who keeps bugging her.
So i asked "v" abt that guy she likes.. i told her to drop him some hints and stuff so that he knows.. sort of encouraging her. Well i don understand why i am encouraging her.. is it because i'm her best fren thats y i don wish to see her sad or is it because i like her thats y i think that as long as she is happy with that guy, i am too?
Told me b4 that right now only studies and relationship after her "o" level.
Actually i'm not wooing her at all.. i don think that i will confess to her.. i think is because i felt low confidence? or mayb my competitors were too strong. So i felt that she will b happier with other guys rather then me.
That guy she likes:
1. is tall
2. study in poly
3. quite handsome
4. able to give her happiness rather then me (IMO)
but me?
i'm short, doens't have any good future (for now).
Sometimes she's jus emo.. abt the guy she likes.. abt why that guy didn't really bother her and stuff..
how i wish i can tell that guy to stop hurting her anymore.. i don wish to see her sad.
"yi bei zi de hao peng you hai shi yong gan de qu zhuo ta de lin yi ban?"
Thanks for reading.
Man's ego always hinders one's progression in love; I am citing your passé and extremely cliché point four: somebody else is able to give her happiness better than you do.
I heard that excuse a thousand times and I am seriously interested in knowing how are you going to gauge and decide if it was true in the first place?
In introspection, isn't this claim a product of your inferior complex rather than reflecting an actual truth?
***
This is a choice between security and freedom.
People like you opt for security - you are a best friend and wouldn't want to do anything that would jeopardise your status quo. In familiar wavelength, it's the same with an employee mindset - earning a decent salary and already warming up a good seat in the corporate hierarchy.
Many often talk about starting their own business - who actually did?
Singaporeans often complained about the government, but ended up dropping votes for the very party they hate.
These are everyday analogies that effectively describe people who desire security much more than freedom.
And therefore asking that 'someone', who desire security, to move away from certainty and to pursue something risky is often justified with excuses like 'I think he can provide her better than I do/I got a family to feed and I can't start business/I hate the garmen, but I rather not take the risk by voting alternative party/etc.'
And the fact is that there is always a mountain taller than another. There's always someone else better than you do and someone even better than the next guy. The concept of 'providing' is but relative to our perception and mindset.
If I were to tell you that real love transforms people into strength and if you are unable feel the strength to experience metamorphosis and evolve into someone powerful, then perhaps, this love is pretty much surreal. You cannot say that this quiet affection for this lady is Love, other than plain admiration or young infatuation.
In Love, the battle is always against yourself - not people outside you.
Cheers
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Original Fake Tarot Cards
Come this autumn/winter season... OF will represent:
Original Fake Tarot Cards!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Aunt Agony 140507
Originally posted by justguyz:
Anyone facing the same problem? I'm with my lst gf for more than 3 years and we still did not make love. Its so sad. I think the best moment to make love is the honey moon stage. Now its over. I feel so sad and feelingless. We pet only. I think i will still be petting even after marriage. I love her and will marry her. But seems like the more I wait the more i'm more tired. Now I understand why there is bad guy. I'm used to a 100% good guy that treasure relationship very seriously. But when i have this gf, i've changed over the years. I respect her decision to only sex after marriage. BUt who respected me? I so surpised. I can have ONS with someone I just knew and I cannot even make love to my gf! Life SUCK YA!? In my working place I can get as many gers as i want. I can even choose. But because of my gf, i resist them. I felt stupid to be nice guy! I have a short relationship with one ger but i broke up beocoz i stil love my gf even though I know I cannot make love to her. I ask her why we cannot make love and argued. She cried and told me to look for other gers! I nearly fatinted. All my loves wasted...I thought making love is a nature thing for couple... U make love to gf beocoz u love her. So she is telling me not to love her? sigh... Currently i'm very close to a pretty ger. How to resist her? I know my gf cannot live without me. But I'm sick of being fatihguy. Goodguy die earier. anyone can advise me? I'm evil now becoz of what my gf's decision affected me. I love my gf but i wanted to play around too. I'm going crazy! PLease help!!
Confused justguyz
End of nice guy, future playboy wannabe
Frustration flowed from unsatisfied needs.
But from your description, it served more like a justification to chase another pretty face.
Chances are, even if there was sex in this relationship, the appearence of this fresh beauty will sure to tousle your relationship and the exact result would occur. Simply because the root of issue is convoluted to appear like a problem with sexual frustration, but actually, it's more about keeping a weakening facade for three years as you pretended to be 'someone' you are not.
If you are still unable respect your woman's choice after three years, then perhaps you should probably change your title to '3 years... never truly love gf'
One single need... and that's all it takes to overwhelm you and everything good about the relationship, her and your future together. Also, it's extremely unfair to say that she would be sexually frigid after marriage - that's so one-sided presumption.
***
Love? It's kind of complicated, kid -
But I'll tell you this.
The second you're willing
To make yourself miserable
To make someone else happy -
That's love right there."
" Is that why I eat all my vegetables
When my mother tells me to?"
Cheers
Anyone facing the same problem? I'm with my lst gf for more than 3 years and we still did not make love. Its so sad. I think the best moment to make love is the honey moon stage. Now its over. I feel so sad and feelingless. We pet only. I think i will still be petting even after marriage. I love her and will marry her. But seems like the more I wait the more i'm more tired. Now I understand why there is bad guy. I'm used to a 100% good guy that treasure relationship very seriously. But when i have this gf, i've changed over the years. I respect her decision to only sex after marriage. BUt who respected me? I so surpised. I can have ONS with someone I just knew and I cannot even make love to my gf! Life SUCK YA!? In my working place I can get as many gers as i want. I can even choose. But because of my gf, i resist them. I felt stupid to be nice guy! I have a short relationship with one ger but i broke up beocoz i stil love my gf even though I know I cannot make love to her. I ask her why we cannot make love and argued. She cried and told me to look for other gers! I nearly fatinted. All my loves wasted...I thought making love is a nature thing for couple... U make love to gf beocoz u love her. So she is telling me not to love her? sigh... Currently i'm very close to a pretty ger. How to resist her? I know my gf cannot live without me. But I'm sick of being fatihguy. Goodguy die earier. anyone can advise me? I'm evil now becoz of what my gf's decision affected me. I love my gf but i wanted to play around too. I'm going crazy! PLease help!!
Confused justguyz
End of nice guy, future playboy wannabe
Frustration flowed from unsatisfied needs.
But from your description, it served more like a justification to chase another pretty face.
Chances are, even if there was sex in this relationship, the appearence of this fresh beauty will sure to tousle your relationship and the exact result would occur. Simply because the root of issue is convoluted to appear like a problem with sexual frustration, but actually, it's more about keeping a weakening facade for three years as you pretended to be 'someone' you are not.
If you are still unable respect your woman's choice after three years, then perhaps you should probably change your title to '3 years... never truly love gf'
One single need... and that's all it takes to overwhelm you and everything good about the relationship, her and your future together. Also, it's extremely unfair to say that she would be sexually frigid after marriage - that's so one-sided presumption.
***
Love? It's kind of complicated, kid -
But I'll tell you this.
The second you're willing
To make yourself miserable
To make someone else happy -
That's love right there."
" Is that why I eat all my vegetables
When my mother tells me to?"
Cheers
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Aunt Agony 130507
Originally posted by Coffee Gabriel:
Ok, it goes like this..
When I first came to this company, every morning, there will be a guy opening doors and letting me out of the lift first like a gentleman. I thought nothing of it as I thought he was just being courteous.
Recently, I felt lonely & I suddenly thought if this guy. So I searched my company's database & got hold of his company's number (he worked just next door to me, we r in a industrial bldg) & I called the company not knowing who wld answer my call & trying my luck.
Alas, he was the one that answered! I pretended to ask him how much it is for fixing the comp & he told me that he wld get back to me, so i gave him his number & i asked for his name, let's call him John. So I also gave him my name (he does nt know who am i yet, he didn't see my face yet) so i waited but no calls back, so i called again. This time is his friend who picked up & i pretended to hurry them up wif the cost charges & he told me the same, he wld get back to me.
No answer back to me, also.
But I didn't give up, so the next day I called them again and asked for John. Then he finally told me he dun do home based fixing, so i was thinking, ' oh, why didn't u told me so? why must drag & drag?' Anyways, I hanged up but I really wanted to know him so when lunch hr came, I called the no. again & was stammering all the way....
But he was good, he was coaxing me (so sweetly) to talk slowly..so i finally said something like, ' you wanna go lunch wif me?' Actually, I was hoping for the worst but surprisingly, he said 'yes' so readily & say ok we meet now & I was soooo elated!
ok, so fast forward to the lunch eating session..I was determined to drill him so I asked him from 'do you have a gf' to 'if any outings, pls call me!' Sad to say, he told he's attached but he seems to be lying..cause when he told me abt his things, he soo conveniently left out what he does wif his gf..weird. Anyways, he bought me a drink and I offered to pay but he said 'nah it's ok'Anyways, the only thing that he seemed to be not lying is that he's busy wif his work & school exams that's all.
So i got his hp no. & he got mine. After lunch ended & we go our separate ways, I smsed him saying if he thinks the canteen food is boring, i can help him taupau from the kopi tiam instead. He smsed back saying thanks, it's troublesome, no need, thanks anyways...
After I got his message, I did my work & a few hrs later, I smsed him saying if he needs somebody at his side, he can always call me up, ok dun stress you le..indirectly offering myself la in this case...then no reply was made frm his side.
After all these, whenever I see him, I avoided eye contact wif him & from my corner of my eye, he seems to be like staring at me..question is..
Shld I continue the chase or give up?
Does it matter whether the Sales person is a man/woman as he/she turns you off with hard selling?
Problem lies not in the gender, but in the 'sales tactics'.
Nevertheless, one pat for you to muster the ability to initiate courage and pursue the man you are interested in.
And like all rejections - both subtle and direct - who cares? Not as if you will lose anything. Remember, you started with nothing and even if you ended up with nothing eventually... reasonable what - anything more is a bonus.
Cheers
Ok, it goes like this..
When I first came to this company, every morning, there will be a guy opening doors and letting me out of the lift first like a gentleman. I thought nothing of it as I thought he was just being courteous.
Recently, I felt lonely & I suddenly thought if this guy. So I searched my company's database & got hold of his company's number (he worked just next door to me, we r in a industrial bldg) & I called the company not knowing who wld answer my call & trying my luck.
Alas, he was the one that answered! I pretended to ask him how much it is for fixing the comp & he told me that he wld get back to me, so i gave him his number & i asked for his name, let's call him John. So I also gave him my name (he does nt know who am i yet, he didn't see my face yet) so i waited but no calls back, so i called again. This time is his friend who picked up & i pretended to hurry them up wif the cost charges & he told me the same, he wld get back to me.
No answer back to me, also.
But I didn't give up, so the next day I called them again and asked for John. Then he finally told me he dun do home based fixing, so i was thinking, ' oh, why didn't u told me so? why must drag & drag?' Anyways, I hanged up but I really wanted to know him so when lunch hr came, I called the no. again & was stammering all the way....
But he was good, he was coaxing me (so sweetly) to talk slowly..so i finally said something like, ' you wanna go lunch wif me?' Actually, I was hoping for the worst but surprisingly, he said 'yes' so readily & say ok we meet now & I was soooo elated!
ok, so fast forward to the lunch eating session..I was determined to drill him so I asked him from 'do you have a gf' to 'if any outings, pls call me!' Sad to say, he told he's attached but he seems to be lying..cause when he told me abt his things, he soo conveniently left out what he does wif his gf..weird. Anyways, he bought me a drink and I offered to pay but he said 'nah it's ok'Anyways, the only thing that he seemed to be not lying is that he's busy wif his work & school exams that's all.
So i got his hp no. & he got mine. After lunch ended & we go our separate ways, I smsed him saying if he thinks the canteen food is boring, i can help him taupau from the kopi tiam instead. He smsed back saying thanks, it's troublesome, no need, thanks anyways...
After I got his message, I did my work & a few hrs later, I smsed him saying if he needs somebody at his side, he can always call me up, ok dun stress you le..indirectly offering myself la in this case...then no reply was made frm his side.
After all these, whenever I see him, I avoided eye contact wif him & from my corner of my eye, he seems to be like staring at me..question is..
Shld I continue the chase or give up?
Does it matter whether the Sales person is a man/woman as he/she turns you off with hard selling?
Problem lies not in the gender, but in the 'sales tactics'.
Nevertheless, one pat for you to muster the ability to initiate courage and pursue the man you are interested in.
And like all rejections - both subtle and direct - who cares? Not as if you will lose anything. Remember, you started with nothing and even if you ended up with nothing eventually... reasonable what - anything more is a bonus.
Cheers
Friday, May 11, 2007
Aunt Agony 110507
Originally posted by whenwilllifegetbetter:
This is kinda sad, but i feel like i have no friends at all...
I've been in NUS for 1 year already, and i haven't made any real friends. There are some 'regulars' that i sit with at lectures, tutorials, etc, but i've never gone out with them at all, not even for lunch, or after exams... and it doesn't help that we have this module system, where you see a different group of pple each semester... and worst of all, everyone around me seems to have a "clique" already, from their sec sch or jc, so nobody really wants to befriend me :cry:
i don't enjoy the company of my CCA mates, i just find them very silly and childish... i don't feel like laughing at their jokes. is there something wrong with me? i used to have some friends in jc, sec sch, but i noticed that each year, the number decreased, until now it'd zero :cry: i find myself getting more and more withdrawn each year... i had one friend in sec sch who was in my class for 4 years, and in sec 3 she told me that i used to be fun (in sec1&2), but i became less fun and more serious. I had another friend who was sort of best friends with me in lower sec, and then she sort of 'dumped' me towards the end of sec 2, and really left me all alone. And i think ever since then i've been avoiding getting close to anyone. But i know i'm over that now, i really,really, really wanna have close friends again, friends that i can go out and eat with, go shopping, watch movies, and just bum around with, share my problems with. the problem is, i don't know anyone that i would really want to have as a friend. I hate nus, i feel like an alien here, everyone is just so different... i felt that way in jc, but to a lesser extent. And now i keep discovering that people that i see in classes and cca,pple i used to know in sec sch, are organising outings and they don't even bother to ask me. :cry: but anyway it's not like i really enjoy their company... and i keep getting the feeling that everyone in nus looks down on me, cos i'm not very outspoken/glam/popular.
i'm so screwed. why do i not like doing the things that other people like to do? it seems that people in nus like to eat at fancy places, plan trips to hongkong,europe, etc. somehow i find that these things very extravagant, take up a lot of money, but not meaningful, or fulfilling... and i don't feel excited about going to europe,etc, yet all around me people seem so cheery about it. i don't get it! are they just being fake, and pretending to be excited, just to seem interesting? Or maybe travelling the world and eating at fancy restaurants is a joy that only rich pple(more than half of nus) can understand? Even with the money i earn from my vacation jobs, even though it's enough to do those things, i don't feel any excitement about those activities. i'msosad :cry: And speaking of vacation, this must be the worst vacation ever, cos i've got no friends to go out with... just work,work,work. and my family, although they are bearable, there's just no common ground for me to be close with them, we're all so different...
maybe there's soething wrong with me, maybe i should go see a shrink...
nowadays i just feel that life is so meaningless. is it possible to die from loneliness? as in loneliness of not having friends... see i'm so sad and lonely, i don't even care abt getting a boyfriend, i'd be happy just to have a few nice pple as close friends... what do you think i should do? how do i find nice pple to be friends with, when everyone i know doesn't seem like my kind? maybe i am too gloomy a person... if i had the money i'd leave the country and start afresh, cos' there's nobody here worth staying for. :cry:
P.S. sorry for the extremely long post.
People often seek for companionship with qualities similar to themselves - be it mindset, lifestyle, personality or even 'status'. Likewise, you should source for the same kind of friendship in that sense.
It's a vicious cycle - the more you reckon that people don't involve you in their activities or cliques, the more withdrawn you become. In that sense, you are the one that push people away, subtly, from you and not vice versa because everybody would be thinking that you prefer isolation but in actual fact, you don't.
And of course, the mind would take its defensive stance to protect itself, by believing that you do not 'need' them to survive in order to justify your rationale.
To evolve, you must take bold steps in implementing those changes.
i) Seek for self understanding. Do this exercise: jot down all your strength and weakness, likes and dislikes and include the things you are interested to pursue/learn/do.
ii) Seek for interest. By understanding what you like, you further yourself by pursing things that would generally make you happy and passionate about. The easiest way to make friends is when people have similar interest. And conversation is made easier in that sense, the initial scope of topics can revolve around the interest.
iii) Seek for acceptance. Understand that there are things you may not fancy, however, seek to understand that people are different. But being different doesn't mean you must project an extreme aversion to them. Walk in their skin and learn to see from their perceptive. In general, be more accepting to the people around you and at the same time, keep an open mind.
I hate cigg smoke, but that doesn't mean I avoid making friends with smokers. Seek to understand the importance of freewill and people's choice - accept the way things worked.
Cheers
This is kinda sad, but i feel like i have no friends at all...
I've been in NUS for 1 year already, and i haven't made any real friends. There are some 'regulars' that i sit with at lectures, tutorials, etc, but i've never gone out with them at all, not even for lunch, or after exams... and it doesn't help that we have this module system, where you see a different group of pple each semester... and worst of all, everyone around me seems to have a "clique" already, from their sec sch or jc, so nobody really wants to befriend me :cry:
i don't enjoy the company of my CCA mates, i just find them very silly and childish... i don't feel like laughing at their jokes. is there something wrong with me? i used to have some friends in jc, sec sch, but i noticed that each year, the number decreased, until now it'd zero :cry: i find myself getting more and more withdrawn each year... i had one friend in sec sch who was in my class for 4 years, and in sec 3 she told me that i used to be fun (in sec1&2), but i became less fun and more serious. I had another friend who was sort of best friends with me in lower sec, and then she sort of 'dumped' me towards the end of sec 2, and really left me all alone. And i think ever since then i've been avoiding getting close to anyone. But i know i'm over that now, i really,really, really wanna have close friends again, friends that i can go out and eat with, go shopping, watch movies, and just bum around with, share my problems with. the problem is, i don't know anyone that i would really want to have as a friend. I hate nus, i feel like an alien here, everyone is just so different... i felt that way in jc, but to a lesser extent. And now i keep discovering that people that i see in classes and cca,pple i used to know in sec sch, are organising outings and they don't even bother to ask me. :cry: but anyway it's not like i really enjoy their company... and i keep getting the feeling that everyone in nus looks down on me, cos i'm not very outspoken/glam/popular.
i'm so screwed. why do i not like doing the things that other people like to do? it seems that people in nus like to eat at fancy places, plan trips to hongkong,europe, etc. somehow i find that these things very extravagant, take up a lot of money, but not meaningful, or fulfilling... and i don't feel excited about going to europe,etc, yet all around me people seem so cheery about it. i don't get it! are they just being fake, and pretending to be excited, just to seem interesting? Or maybe travelling the world and eating at fancy restaurants is a joy that only rich pple(more than half of nus) can understand? Even with the money i earn from my vacation jobs, even though it's enough to do those things, i don't feel any excitement about those activities. i'msosad :cry: And speaking of vacation, this must be the worst vacation ever, cos i've got no friends to go out with... just work,work,work. and my family, although they are bearable, there's just no common ground for me to be close with them, we're all so different...
maybe there's soething wrong with me, maybe i should go see a shrink...
nowadays i just feel that life is so meaningless. is it possible to die from loneliness? as in loneliness of not having friends... see i'm so sad and lonely, i don't even care abt getting a boyfriend, i'd be happy just to have a few nice pple as close friends... what do you think i should do? how do i find nice pple to be friends with, when everyone i know doesn't seem like my kind? maybe i am too gloomy a person... if i had the money i'd leave the country and start afresh, cos' there's nobody here worth staying for. :cry:
P.S. sorry for the extremely long post.
People often seek for companionship with qualities similar to themselves - be it mindset, lifestyle, personality or even 'status'. Likewise, you should source for the same kind of friendship in that sense.
It's a vicious cycle - the more you reckon that people don't involve you in their activities or cliques, the more withdrawn you become. In that sense, you are the one that push people away, subtly, from you and not vice versa because everybody would be thinking that you prefer isolation but in actual fact, you don't.
And of course, the mind would take its defensive stance to protect itself, by believing that you do not 'need' them to survive in order to justify your rationale.
To evolve, you must take bold steps in implementing those changes.
i) Seek for self understanding. Do this exercise: jot down all your strength and weakness, likes and dislikes and include the things you are interested to pursue/learn/do.
ii) Seek for interest. By understanding what you like, you further yourself by pursing things that would generally make you happy and passionate about. The easiest way to make friends is when people have similar interest. And conversation is made easier in that sense, the initial scope of topics can revolve around the interest.
iii) Seek for acceptance. Understand that there are things you may not fancy, however, seek to understand that people are different. But being different doesn't mean you must project an extreme aversion to them. Walk in their skin and learn to see from their perceptive. In general, be more accepting to the people around you and at the same time, keep an open mind.
I hate cigg smoke, but that doesn't mean I avoid making friends with smokers. Seek to understand the importance of freewill and people's choice - accept the way things worked.
Cheers
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Aunt Agony 080507
Originally posted by melody83:
Have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf
Your mum is probably paranoid - overprotective of her daughter as well as the dignity of the family's name, fearing that should one day [i]things[/i] just happened and you got pregnant due to lack of proper protection or common sense.
Your mum is a classic believer of 'I-trust-your-man-but-I-don't-trust-man-in-general'.
The panacea to this plight is of course a marriage.
But meanwhile, what you could do is to expand the boundary of what you can do and cannot do through proper dialogue, communication and trust. She probably needs to know much more about your boyfriend before she could decide if she feel safe putting her daughter in his hand. Probably tons of family dinner, causal meet up in your house, goodwill and stuff to familiarize your mother with this man you are dating.
From there, say if you must be back before 12 midnight, work to stretch until 1 a.m. Then maybe about 3 a.m. so on and so forth. Always let your mum know that your boyfriend will ensure the responsibility and safety to bring you back home well and intact.
When you rebel outrageously - chances are, it wouldn't go too well with your mum and she might even think that your rebellious act is instigated by your boyfriend. In the long run, it hurts goodwill and bonds.
You want your freedom, but your mum wants security. Can you work to balance the equation?
Cheers
Have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf
Your mum is probably paranoid - overprotective of her daughter as well as the dignity of the family's name, fearing that should one day [i]things[/i] just happened and you got pregnant due to lack of proper protection or common sense.
Your mum is a classic believer of 'I-trust-your-man-but-I-don't-trust-man-in-general'.
The panacea to this plight is of course a marriage.
But meanwhile, what you could do is to expand the boundary of what you can do and cannot do through proper dialogue, communication and trust. She probably needs to know much more about your boyfriend before she could decide if she feel safe putting her daughter in his hand. Probably tons of family dinner, causal meet up in your house, goodwill and stuff to familiarize your mother with this man you are dating.
From there, say if you must be back before 12 midnight, work to stretch until 1 a.m. Then maybe about 3 a.m. so on and so forth. Always let your mum know that your boyfriend will ensure the responsibility and safety to bring you back home well and intact.
When you rebel outrageously - chances are, it wouldn't go too well with your mum and she might even think that your rebellious act is instigated by your boyfriend. In the long run, it hurts goodwill and bonds.
You want your freedom, but your mum wants security. Can you work to balance the equation?
Cheers
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Feast my Eyes
Original Fake X Takara Choro-Q Bearbrick
Puma clyde X Vaughn Bode Cheech Wizard!! OMG! But I don't think I can find this dope shit in SG. Damn!
Cheers
Friday, May 04, 2007
Aunt Agony 040507
Originally posted by LagooN:
Is There Any Wrong Saying To A Girl That You Love Her..?
I And Her Get Along Quite Well When We Are Friends.
But One Fine Day That When I Told The Girl That I Like Her.
She Felt Angry And Ignore Me.
Is There Really Anything Wrong Done By Me..?
Why Did The Friendship Of Us Get Affect Too By The Proposal..?
Ever Since That Day Onward.. She Treat Me Like An Enemy.
So.. Wanted To Know Why Is This So.. Hope To See All Of Your Opinion.
Thank You.
Congrats for getting your feelings out; it's just a pity that she didn't like you the way you did for her.
At least you know about her stand and position - you can't really force love out of somebody if she doesn't sees you romantically as a potential partner eventually.
Trying and fail beats not trying and still fail; the former notion alone is several notch higher than people falling into the latter.
Cheers
Is There Any Wrong Saying To A Girl That You Love Her..?
I And Her Get Along Quite Well When We Are Friends.
But One Fine Day That When I Told The Girl That I Like Her.
She Felt Angry And Ignore Me.
Is There Really Anything Wrong Done By Me..?
Why Did The Friendship Of Us Get Affect Too By The Proposal..?
Ever Since That Day Onward.. She Treat Me Like An Enemy.
So.. Wanted To Know Why Is This So.. Hope To See All Of Your Opinion.
Thank You.
Congrats for getting your feelings out; it's just a pity that she didn't like you the way you did for her.
At least you know about her stand and position - you can't really force love out of somebody if she doesn't sees you romantically as a potential partner eventually.
Trying and fail beats not trying and still fail; the former notion alone is several notch higher than people falling into the latter.
Cheers
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