Aunt Agony 010605

Quote:

Originally posted by edLow:
Confuse and the situation go:

ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)

and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.

so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.

it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war

next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!

well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.

wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans

How do you expect your situation to turn out from the way it was handled? The confusion was conjured right from your own doings. If you wanna flirt around innocently without any strings attached, make sure you stick to its rule. Do not began the game and alter the variables later on, you will serve to confuse and bring troubles later on.

You are like the typical greenhorn salesman; the one that tells you alot about his product, the function, the benefits your consumer are getting, etc - but doesn't really know how to close to deal. What you are doing is merely futile, similar to that of this typical greenhorn salesman. To know about your feelings..hint...know...acknowledge... is nothing - to SAY them and to PROPOSE a relationship, guang ming zheng da, is two drastic level.

You can't blame her for the cold war and attitude. Two reasons:

I) This is an office relationship. Cold war is common and has pretty high rate of occurence and frequency.

II) Dubious position and status.

If you fell for her and everything else isn't too complicating BY NATURE, I say go for it (Please note that this complication wasn't by nature, it was man-made). If you have to lose a relationship in the future, make sure you lose it being the boyfriend, not someone who belong to neither here nor there.

P.S: Having same previous attitude in the past doesn't justify your stance forever. You got to learn to be different other times in your life.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 310505

Quote:

Originally posted by Dreamland:
My bf keeps asking me to have sex even though I am against pre-marital sex. He says that our relationship is not passionate. He does not look forward to our annivesaries, valentine's day or any other occassions. He says that next time if he strays, it is my fault.

Kinda tricky, but I would do my best to allow you to have a decent picture to analysis your own situations.

In any relationship, the yin and yang dynamic of it would be giving and receiving. To give is often certain degree of sacrifice, while to receive is merely to receive the goodness of what your partner/relationship has to offer. Regardless of the type of principles involved, an unbendable rule (e.g. against pre-marital sex) clashing against one who desire what you are against, jammed up this system and causes continual conflicts.

When your boyfriend's clarity returned, he probably would feel that 'he would try to respect your wishes.' This is a form of sacrifice on his part and would term as 'giving' in it's own meaning.

***

I am kinda flabbergasted to learn that he said this to you:

Quote:

He says that next time if he strays, it is my fault.

This goes beyond the theory of giving and receiving - it's intimating and demanding. And a complete lame excuse, stated in advance, to 'protect' his own self-absorbed interest when this actual occasion arises. He had previous sexual activities with his 'sexy' ex-gf back then and because they played him, he prefer someone more down to earth like yourself currently. I don't know if you have already made known to him that you are conversative by nature, but because you demonstrate the kinda of quality he is looking for NOW: what comes together, comes in a package.

Quote:

He wants to settle down with a "proper" girl and "gentle" girl.

You want a proper girl, yet you don't want the 'proper' girl to be proper. (I am not saying people who indulge in pre-marital sex are not proper, rather, it's a similar expression of saying a man who demanded a virgin wife, yet wants her to be a sex goddess). Kinda wtf.

So what if the relationship is four years? So what if you are already in your late twenties? Basically, all these figures don't really matter much without your personal 'love investment' consideration for this relationship. You are with a bf who introduces a third party into the relationship, causing serious upheaval, JUST because he wants to change your mindset about pre-marital sex. Let me ask you: would things be very different if you were to change your mindset back then?

What will change? In fact, nothing much.

It's no longer about the sex issue - it has bring forth new factors that has almost eliminated the pre-marital sex problem in your relationship: The empathy, trust, foundation and everything else in the relationship have shook violently, leaving a trail of smoky dust, bearing pure evidences of how weak your relationship is.

Let me tell you, ANY one girl would have the ability to destroy your relationship. Even if they don't, you wouldn't have that power to endure affairs-of-your-man for long.

You need more than just communication - its almost like rules stating. You present your personal proposal on what you expect in a BGR, against what he sees in one. Learn to suck-it-up and compromise or die in the process. If certain critical clauses are left in a stalemate, congrats him on his future relationship and bid him farewell.

P.S: If you two are not looking in the same direction, its kinda difficult to substain your relationship ultimately, even if the relationship continues to run. Same direction as in having good knowledge of how your OWN relationship works and work around it. If you have to end a relationship, dragging it served as a burden for everyone involved. That may not be a product of love - more like insecurity and fear to move on.

You got to know the difference.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 300505

Quote:

Originally posted by Under-construction:
7 months ago, I found the love and happiness of my life. I met her. She was such a nice person always so loving and caring. We got together just after 1 month and after 1 meeting. First 2 months were honeymoon and it was so wonderful. But as time passes, she started to display all her bad points which were so terrible that i didnt know what to do. I did treat her with all my heart and love her but there were so many times when she make me so frustrated.

Then came that very very unfortunate day, I admit that my temper wasnt very good and I like to settle things very fast (especially relationship problems). She got very unhappy and refuse to talk to me. I tried to ask whats wrong but she simply dont want to talk. Out of frustration, I grab her tightly. She slap me then I did something which I never should - I hit her back!!!

I really regret what I did. Really.

I lost control that day and my frustration got over me. I really wanted so much to spend the rest of my life with her. Now everything is over cos I did the ultimate unforgiveable things!

Now my life is in a big mess and i seems to be living for nothing. I hate what i did but i cannot change the fact that i did it. I really want to be with her but after what i done, i really dont think that is possible anymore.

I have very few friends, thats why i pour out my feelings here.

1 remorseful guy,
Whom dont have 2 chances.

You began your relationship rather hastily; just after a month and within one date and bloom - the relationship is born. It could be true for your intense feelings for her; the passion and everything else, but to be frank, it may not be quite equal on the other side.

Merely two months into the reality of Love and you see cracks of individual personality. I would tell you it's a perfectly natural process; what matters is how you handle your relationship after the sweet honeymoon has passed and not what's sweet and loving in the beginning. It's pretty sad to realise that you hit her over some minor dispute; you ought to realise that EVEN if she is your wife, there are no reasons justifiable for such reaction.

The violence indicates not the lack of love - rather the helpless agony of a man who fell before the cruel reality of his own relationship. Love cannot be subdue (via Mars), it can only be tamed (via Venus). To ignore the usage of proper communication as a matured couple will serve to fail your own relationship even if problems are minor and insignificiant like your thingy.

This Love is young; she probably still have the ability to escape the clutches of the relationship without much emotional issues. From your post, your had probably lost this love... already. The only consolation is that, if you learn this the hard way, make sure this lessons stays with you for life. To dump away what you have gain, is as good as sacrificing future relationship with history repeats.

P.S: Actually, you have your second chance; that's your next relationship - my promise to you.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 230505

Quote:

Originally posted by c2on2:
it was more than half a year ago, when i first saw the gal in my one of my uni classes. Back then, i developed a crush for her but secretly just keep it by myself and din do anything about it.We were not even friends but i think were just merely classmates who knew each other's names as we were in a particular module's class. Time pass and its a new semester, we are now totally different classes and there was no chance of meeting each other. Somehow as i was helping my fren to buy some things, i managed to get her hp number as my fren told her that she also wanted to buy. So as a kind and helpful person, i sms her regarding this and din wanna expect much as i just oni wanna help out of kindness with no other intentions. i would say its a miracle out of the blue when we actually start to be friends. There were MSN chats, smses. And slowly i felt this gal whom is my secret crush is trying to get to know me. Until one day, she asked me out for some activity. And tats when we started chatting on the telephone. I did some soul searching and considerations, thinking why not try to be closer to her since she is my crush and i felt there was some interest. so i proceeded to accelarate and get closer to her. We chatted a lot, sms more, tok on the fone too , started to sit together at the lectures and occasionally have meals and go out together. All this gave me an impression that its possible between me and her. and i decided to confess my feelings to her on valentines day that i like her. She did not comment much but also did not reject me. So our normal activities like chatting, sitting together, msging one another, etc continues. until one day i asked her to be my gf. Again she did not accept and did not reject or avoid me. So i was rather confident that i can get this gal to be my gf. thinking that she wanted to wait after the dreaded exams. i continue to shower her with sincere care and concern. until one day , i found out from her that she is uncertain if i am the guy for her. and has no confidence and assurance if this relationship will work out well. I was very sad but persisted to fight for what i cherish. I told her i love her and have a serious talk with her. She felt the love from me from the things i did, and she appreciate some of them which i had done for her. but she claimed tat she felt my courting is not enough. i was also commented as being a boring person and unromantic. timid and scared of things and need to be more man. The way i dress when i went to meet her for dates and the my height and unbroad shoulders were also mentioned. I was kinda disappointed in this gal whom i love so dearly. i feel that She is demanding a lot from me. and din realli get to know my good points. though i admit i can an ordinary guy with no riches, no car, and oni mediocal looks. Unromantic as i seemed, but deep down i know she understands that i sincerely care and love her. Those small simple things which i had done for her. i feel unappreciated. Is it because she is rather immature in the way she defines her suitable guy? is there really a criteria or a limit as to what type of person u will love? she is also not perfect but i had unconditionally accept her to be my soul mate whom i placed at the centre of my universe. seemed to me that she wanted to some changes in me and she told me i also need to think of more ways to convince her to accept me as her guy. Seems to me she does not like me for who i am. I had talks with my close friends who told me to just give her up cause its a presurrising and unhappy relationship if somehow i managed to court her. kind people of aunt agony, pls share ur advice to me. i am on at a loss. could she be playing with my feelings all along?
Thanks for your kind help/advice.

Believe it or not, consciously or unconsciously - we calculate and factor in certain attributes or qualities of our potential partner to deem if he/she is suitable for a relationship. Love and Relationship is strongly co-related, however, they are still separate entities (meaning you can love someone, but you choose to opt out in a relationship structure). You must understand that you had an immerse crush on her, but it is not the same way round. She treated you like a good friend, with improving impression, but do you consider it anywhere near the border of love? Not entirely.

Because you do not belong to the category of guys whom she will have hasty infatuation for - you have tap on honest, dependable characteristic to sell yourself. This is a good thing and do not be discourage with whatever you are doing.

And because she doesn't fell hard enough, technically, she has her own rights to choose the kind of partners she seek. Reality is pretty cruel: do not presume that just because you treated a girl well and shower all your love and affection onto, something gonna happen. Something is amiss here; regardless of the goodwill and stuff you always did, she just doesn't fall hard enough... for a relationship to begin on proper basis.

Therefore she has chosen an alternative: attempting to shape her given variables to convince her heart to accept you into a relationship. Her psyche would probably react like this:

'Ok fine, I think he's a good guy. I don't know if I love him anot (or even so, not till that extend), but I don't mind giving him a chance. But I must have that reason for myself to give him that chance.

Advice?

There's no such thing as zero risk in relationship: there's no relationship without tears as well - it's all about decisions and the path we opt for. If you have come so far, just to give it up, you got to tell yourself that you won't ever look back and regret.

You could also TRY to fill-in-the-blank with what's missing currently and create a relationship with her. It could be difficult to define each other's love definition, individual expectation, etc - however, we will learn two very important skills: compromising and evolving. It will be difficult though, but at the very least, you won't regret having to give up when you had the advantage to do something about it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 180505

Quote:

Originally posted by Steph84:
thanks for ur insightful reply...

I think in my bf's view, all is well... he is the happy-go-lucky sort.. i think he feels that if there is love, anything goes.... but me, on the other hand, feels that though love is important, other things like financial stability, a man's ambitions and etc, are equally important also.

Actually i have raised this issue to him many many many many times.... and u should see how i nag him to study.... i really feel at times like, how come he is so many years my senior, and yet so immature and lazy....... in my view, he doesn't set his priorities right. He is never consistent in his studies... and when his lousy results come out, he sinks into depression. And yet, when a new sem starts, he never learns from his mistakes.

The thought of leaving him flashes acrosses my mind often.. but, i also feel that i shouldn't be so cruel to him... cos his life depends much on me, i feel... financial-wise, mental support and company.... he doesn't have much close friends... i also know he is the kind of guy with a fragile heart.... hai... so i feel if i leave him, he sure very sad... this is also keeping me with him....

of cos, our many happy times together also makes me attached to him.... anyway, now i realise that getting out of a serious relationship is such a complex thing... it is never simple as just taking a knife to chop off all ties... i will let nature take its course i guess.

It seemed to me that you did numerous attempt in trying to instill the kind of drive for him to work towards his own future (and the relationship), however it also seemed that your message didn't get across somehow. Getting him to study is level one, knowing WHY and the REASON behind it is level two - he never seemed to knew the ACTUAL reason because he probably thought that you are doing your duty as gf to nag him to.

The idea behind the whole communication wasn't communicated effectively - futile.

If you have to trash things out, then you have to. Reason being very simple: you will likely to leave him for another man if things continues: this is a straight fact. You two share very different attitude and preception towards your own relationship and eventually it will cause a breakdown somewhere.

Love is about looking in the same direction, not just at one another - you can't survive a relationship simply through your sweet little things. Its memorable, no doubt about it, but you will need more substance if you desire your relationship to go somewhere.

P.S: Extinguish all forms of self pity - your relationship will go nowhere with it.

Cheers.

Aunt Agony 160505

Quote:

Originally posted by Steph84:
Hi there...

Let me descibe the situation...

You have a stable bf of 1.5 yrs.. the 2 of u all are comfortable with each other, know each other inside out, had ur share of major quarrels n all... ur bf consider the relationship a stable one... a dependable one....

But you, on the other hand, think that u can do with more security in the relationship. Ur bf's family background is not exactly desirable... he's is less well-off than you. In fact, you have to pay more on dates and also at times take care of his financial needs.

The most inportant factor troubling you is the attitude he holds towards his studies. He is faring poorer than u. A partner fares poorer than u doesn't appeal to u.

Nonetheless, time has told u he is loving and caring most of the time... during this period that the two of you are together.

Recently, you met this new guy.

You do not yet know that much about his family background, but he seems to be better off than ur bf. He also seems to be more goal-oriented and steadfast in working out his life. Education-wise, he fares better than ur bf. In fact, he's just graduated and will be working soon.

So far, he is nice, gentlemanly and all... and the two of u get along great... despite knowing each other not for long, the 2 of you are really comfortable with each other. The few dates that you've been on with him, you throughly enjoyed yourself. He has also expressed his interest in pursuing a relationship with you clearly.

What'd you do in such a situation? Risk it with the new guy u met? Or think that love conquers all and rough it out with ur bf and see wad is the ending?

You have probably experience new phrases in your preception of BGR subconsciously. Previously, what you deemed as acceptable, changeable or even able to compromise, has evolved. The biological and natural woman's 'investment' needs spring forth - the greater need for financial-related-future security.

This is pretty normal (especially if you are Virgo, Capricorn or Taurus).

Your last paragraph speaks of your possible options: you could either try it out with the new guy or rough it out with your current bf. However, pretty likely, I could see your desire to break free from this relationship.

Quote:

A partner fares poorer than u doesn't appeal to u.

You are entitlted to the kind of partner you seek, obviously if your boyfriend doesn't appeal to you and you are remaining in the relationship for the sake of duty, responsibility and probably due to length of time, something is really wrong somewhere. You also note that this anti-seductive-passion-killing thingy is all about you, while your boyfriend, is presuming, being pretty happy in the relationship.

Nothing works one-sided.

Always attempt to save your ship before you abandon it, like what the navy captain would do in event of a damaged ship. Repair, repair and repair until you find that it's getting hopeless, before you call for a abandonment. IMHO, you haven't reach to that stage yet, then seek out proper communication channels to discuss these sticky issue like matured couple.

You MUST let him know about your dis-satisfaction about the current bleak future and MUST either motiviate, propose a mutual solution or both. From there, you will make your own judgement.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 120505

Originally posted by kitji:
Hi,

I have a prob that has been bothering me since last night. Needs advice.

My fiance and I are planning to ROM this year. We have been together for almost 2 years now.

He used to be in a relationship with this fren of mine, which I saw named her as Elle.

Barely 2 months into the relationship, Elle broke up with him. Not long after, my fiance and I committed into a new relationship. It was full of ups and downs, problem mainly lies in my shortcomings. In the beginning of this year, everything went on smoothly for us for I've compromised and learnt to correct my shortcomings and so did my fiance.

Last 2 weeks ago, we decided to ROM as we feel that time is right and we have learnt to accomodate and love each other for what and who we are.

Last night, I went out for dinner with Elle and shared with her this piece of news. She looked surprised and shared with me that in Feb, my fiance had met her for lunch (which I was aware of) and was sharing with her about us being not compatible in some ways and he wasn't sure if we were able to work out.

I was quite disturbed with what was shared with me. However, there was a turning point in my relationship with my fiance in March when he was in India for business trip. The short duration made us realise how important our presence means to each other. Things change very much for the better since then and he popped the BIG question 2 weeks ago.

Elle told me not to think too much and perhaps things really work out now and thus whatever was shared with her would very much be invalid but somehow, I have a problem in convincing myself.

What're your opinions then? All I know is that my fiance and I are able to get along very well and we're very much in sync but is such fact enough? My heart and intuition tell me that he's the one but why am I still bothered with what was shared with me last night?

What she is saying may be true and if she didn't have ulterior motives, there is no reason why she could lie. But do note that the cusps of the problem doesn't lies with what she says or does she have any hidden motives or whatever - its about YOU.

Your man probably said that as part of a conversation with a friend about his relationship, but does that suggest anything negative? To me, it's merely a causal rant, mixed with a little small worry about his relationship.

OMG, at least your man worries about your relationship with you (If it means anything to you: it would be completely different if he tells her that, while react normally to you in day to day life. Of course, yours is not the case, as he popped the big question: his actions speaks louder than words).

'You have your flaws... yes... but I am willingly to work with you, through a marriage...'

Have you considered this as the actual idea?

P.S: If you wanna ride better through your relationship, learn to extinguish the flame of negativity. It will help you so much.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 100505

Quote:

Originally posted by slamdoink:
Well, it had happened again… this time round I lose the battle. My gf went to work as usual and I asked if she wanted mi to fetch her home after her work. She said she need to do OT and might be late. So I said ok and if you changed your mind, I will be here.

The next morning, I received an SMS from her.
She told me she met up with her ex and her ex told her; he wanted to settle down with her as in get married with her. They told thru the nite and they make out.

I was shocked when she told mi that and the first thing that comes to my mind wasn’t the make out part but rather would she still want mi? we talked for couple of hours and she hinted she wanted to be with me. She just need time to settle things with him. And she did!!! He was out of her life!!! However he played the disappearing act and it caught my gf attention. She felt lost and seems like she cant live without him!!!

They patched back after she told me she had chosen mi. she say sorrie and sorrie… im not angry with her actually I encourage her. Cos if you never try, you will always be bother about this… am I stupid or wat… but I just lost the battle…

i love her a lot but i cant bear to see her to be sad... well once always say is better to have two happy person rather than to have three sad people...

but i really love her... can someone just pull mi out from this black hole!!!

It's a young relationship unaccustomed to its new future; your love is 4 months old, but it seemed that life before the relationship is born is pretty vague. It seemed to me that you don't really know the woman you are getting before jumping into a relationship. If she has an unsettled affair/relationship with her ex, by knowing that piece of information in the first place, would it change anything? Possibly, it would caution yourself before devoting your time and love into this BGR.

Interestingly, you are not really bothered by her act of infidelity, but the question of whether she wants the relationship hovers your heart. And what on earth are you encouraging her? A love blinded Leo? Blinded by the affection and love this karmic relationship brings forth and veils your senses?

Don't be a fool.

If you can't bear to see her sad and since she loved her ex, probably as much as you did to her, then what's holding you back? What's holding you back, if you truely understood what you just posted?

You are likely a substitute/rebound for her ex and she played an emotional parasite on her part. She wants to move on, but the variables were: she got into a relationship with you and trying to move WHILE handling you and her past simultaneously. This process leeched emotional energy, mental strength and summon rain of tears. Somewhat like a soul being captured by demonic powers and you are needed to remove that vile thing. Of course, you will be drained... probably to death, dry and parched.

She was never ready for a relationship with you - this is a untold truth.

Why?

If love is in the picture, would that scenario ever happen? She would probably struggle emotionally, but it could still be manageable. Making out? Can't live without him? Leave you whenever she found his presence? Is this the so called love you are getting?

Don't be deluded by false love; she has made her choice. It's your call.

Cheers

Aunt Agony I 100505

Quote:

Originally posted by be_myself:
Dear Aunt Agony, Hi. I'm writing here because I'm at a loss.... I'm
21, currently studying in a tertiary instituion. Hmmmm.... I have problems
choosing between 2 guys. Let's call them Mr A and Mr C.

Mr A is my current schoolmate whom I got to know a year ago doing a school project. But we didn't keep in touch and I many months later (recently), I bumped into him in school again. After that, we met for lunch, followed by more lunches subsequently. Now he asked me out and message me everyday so the hint that he is interested is pretty broad.

Mr C is someone I know for....... like 8 years because he's my secondary school classmate. He liked me for 6 years now. I didn't know he likes me until last year when he told me. I was very surprised... and touched by his sincerity but initially, I didn't like him because of his size.... he's very overweight and I thought we are quite different and not suitable for each other. But he never failed to touched me with his sincerity. I remember he gave me a very big help a couple of times....

Mr A... is 24 years old, very smart, driven and capable. Unlike Mr C, he's tall and skinny. Hmmm.... I'm not very sure about what his character is like because I don't know him for long. I do know that we have different religions. Character is a very important criteria for me cos I'm very afraid to make the mistake of choosing someone like my ex - stingy, unfaithful and nit-picking. Mr C is definitely a very nice guy but he's quite immature and because he's my age, he still has to study for a few years while I work. As for Mr A, older and more mature, I think he'll go far but character wise, I know very little. I need more time to get to know Mr A but I can tell Mc C is definitely a nicer person as in less temperamental, more honest....

I think I know that Mr C likes me a lot and is very accepting, very
accommodating to me. I feel more at ease with him too cos he's my sec school friend. Mr A.... studied at very good schools in the past, unlike me whom come from a very mediocre school. I feel that I have to "act more
intelligently" all the time. Heh...

I don't know which to be with. If I go with Mr A, I'll break Mr C's heart. And is Mr A really worth that although he's smart, capable and everything? Or should I just go with Mr C who likes me a lot, with good
character, a simpler and more innocent person.... Opinions? I would really, really appreciate advices and opinions.... Thank you!

Currently, you are attempting to choose a partner consciously. It's a good thing, but the facts you are having is not sufficient for you to make a sound decision. I could see your fear and insecurity in beginning a new relationship. Your past relationship spoke alot of your current emotional mindset and it would be good if you know how to channel these into positive vibes, instead of degenerating with your past.

Remember, you don't have to promise yourself anything. Eventually, even if you decide not to pursue either guys, its completely ok. Do not tie yourself with making a decision even before you had the thought of making that decision. You must keep your options open and see how fate plays its part before you make your final answer.

The qualities you are looking for ultimately may extend beyond that of stability. You may use time to explore the possibility (As an interesting note: going by statistic, the chances for YOU to enter a relationship with A is significiant higher. Don't ask me why because it would be another topic altogether).

P.S: Are you a Virgo, Taurus or Capricorn?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 010505

Quote:

Originally posted by tiffanie:
Is it true that a 16 year old is definitely not mature enough to understand what exactly is love between a girl and a guy?

A 16 years old may know nuts about love, what makes you think a 24, 30, 44 or even older understand it? Your maturity and wisdom in love doesn't neccessary equate to your chronological age. Why? A 16 years old is more prone to deceptive relationship? Esp girl? Cheated of money and virginity? I am so sure you people have friends suffering from the above causes who are 20, 30 or even older; it's the individual's life, not exactly the age.

Seriously speaking, I suppose contrary to most people, I believe that 16 - 19 years old is a good time to explore the issue of love. The time to experience the reality of love and hurt cycle. Please note that likely, relationship at those age may not last, a fringing` big however is that we all have to begin from somewhere and who says anything about BGR to a marriage-a-must in the first place?

Singaporeans have this tendency to think too far into a relationship when they ought to learn to LOVE first and before the big M could be considered later. Generally, we have this similar-mindset of people entering into a relationship, thinking of marriage as some kind of main objective. Then when the BGR obviously show much stress and tension (e.g. heavy character conflicts or external factors and AIN'T solved within the framework of BGR) marriage still take place because 'it's to achieve that objective'.

What grave mistakes... which contributed much to the current rate of divorce. If the Lego bricks you are using can't finish your final product: either you change different tiles or change your final product. Don't FORCE these sets of different tiles in trying to build your original final product; you will never be able to create that foundation and outlook. It will fail outrageously.

Ok, pressure from your biological clock AND parents/relatives

/friends are influncing you into this thinking greatly: Love will ultimately lead to marriage which will produce happiness in the process. Yes, this IS the ideal love, but are we living in an ideal world? Can love be that simple? Embrace the new-age theory: Love is Love; marriage is the emotional & spirtual evolvement of love. If you can't even handle your basis cell block of marriage - namely the spirit of love in your relationship, there is simply no way you could talk about marriage.

P.S: To your question: yes, I doubt they are matured yet, but everyone is learning, at all age. Whether you think you are suitable for a relationship at 16, it's up to YOU as an individual, not exactly your age. if you think you are not, then you are not. Many a times, love's lessons is absolute, regardless of age, it just come and thrown right into your face.

Cheers