Originally posted by shuibianni05:
Pretty surprised by the 'inferior Q'. I don't feel inferior than him. In fact, I don't feel inferior to anyone; each individual has our own lives, regardless of 'so-called' status, as long as we are happy, nothing really matters.
As for someone being better than him, I believe there are, but I don't do any comparisons as everyone is an unique individual. I do have friends telling me to break and that they will treat me better than he does. I just went ???.
But it all boils down to the fact that I do feel tired out from the relationship. How not to?
I have been 'babysitting' the guy for four years; every single thing that crops up in his life, I am the one settling it. He may want to do it his way, I do let him, but silently I have to come up with a back up solution because his ways will never work.
I serve as the counsellor for his personal and work communications problems, the legal counsel as well as the management advisor for his family business. His friends and family didn't know; whenever they ask about his business, he will happily said the business has perked up etc etc. I just remain silent; I never expect anything in return except respect.
If u are referring 'worth' in terms of my life, I do lead a happy life, excluding the part on my relationship. I have a career, great family and great friends; I still am furthering my studies part time and I have been active in volunteer work. Everyone, apart from him, knows me as bubbly and outgoing.
I have tried talking to him numerous times, but he is sticking by his own thinking.
He felt that all he did is right; and most times will put his ridiculous ways as being stubborn, saying 'That's me. You know me.'
Financially he's not stable; after all, that's his father's business, whatever the business earns will go to the parents, not him. He's jus drawing a salary; below market rate.
Talking about finances, he will scold and make a big deal if I donate to charity; nowadays I just kept quiet about the donations stuff.
Same goes for if I give my parents allowances out of my salary.
I did fight for my decisions. Ultimately, he will pop the Q of 'Let's break off'; which will stop me from further 'discussion'.
I have never felt there is a need to 'break off' just because of minor issues. That's why I chose to remain silent; but seems that this 'break off' phrase has been popping up every now and then over the smallest of issues.
What's worst is that every two months, he will undergo a mood swing and starts feeling dejected and insists that our relationship has staled, 'froze', I am not caring and loving him enough etc. But he will be fine after a few days and apologise.
Two yrs back, his proposal was to tie me into the relationship as a few other suitors came up and he felt pretty threatened especially when they actually approach him to 'warn' him to treat me well. I am pretty amused.
What do u feel about this thinking of tying me down?
Another scenario was that two yrs plus back, I was nearly 'sexually abused' by a close friend. He was the third to know; because I expected what his reaction would be. He barked down the phone at me, text me scolding sms and told me if the friend succeeeded, I will never see him again. At that time, I really wonder if he's the victim or me. In case, u all are wondering if I have dressed very outrageously, nope, that night I wore bermudas and a big baggy T-shirt to go out for dinner with my friend.
Is that how all guys react when they know their gf was nearly 'sexually abused'?
I also forego my chances of overseas study and overseas work attachment, to him, it's something I should do in order to 'continue' this relationship. He felt there's always give and take; I have to give up all the opportunities in order to 'appreciate' his love.
To join in his family gatherings is something I should do because his bro-in-law also joins in their gatherings.
No matter how his family demands me to do things, demands things from me, including taking the pda I jus bought, I have to give in, including bearing all the non-sensical insults. FYI, they don't call my by name, they call me by my address - the block number. He doesn't stop them and felt it's ok that they call me that.
On the other hand, he seldom joins in my family gatherings; he doesn't come my place often either; reason, he's afraid my mum will grill her on how's treating me.
Funny?
He doesn't send me to my doorstep to make sure I am safe, no matter how late it is, he send me to the block beside mine. Reason - He said he's lazy and tired. On the bright side, there's at least an 'improvement'. He used to jus drop me off at the carpark and I walked back myself, my block isn't connected to the carpark; it could be 4am, but still, ps walk back urself.
My 5 years-old niece cried and insists on buying a soft toy, costing 20 bucks, when we brought her out, he said she's a spoilt brat, that we all spoilt her rotten because her parents had passed away in an accident. FYI, my sis and bro-in-law died in a car accident when my niece was still young.
But, his 13yr old bro, cries and shouts and screams and jumps up and down when we don't get him the whole series of game cards, costing about 50 bucks, he said my bro is only 13 yrs old, he's still young, he's not spoilt, jus young, not matured yet, don't know how to think.
Are all guys like that? Or mine is just simply a 'special case'?
When his old flame text him at 3am, he felt he was 'needed', he needs to go down the next day and see her immediately. It's fine, maybe she really needs a company.
But, to the extent of forgetting I am in hospital? I was admitted the night his old flame text him; I told him my ward and bed no, he said he would pop by tomorrow. He remembered only after he had met his old flame and had a good night's sleep.
These problems started in the very first year; I have hung on and tried to solve.
But to him, talking out = let's break off.
What can I do? Each time I wanna talk, he'll said if it's so hard, then break off.
Break off is not a solution, that I understand; I just wanna a talk to solve things. But if he just simply doesn't wanna talk and use break off as a way to stop the talk, I really don't know what else I can try.
Whatever ways I can think of, I have tried.
Straight outburst at him to wake him - tried, he just felt I am crazy.
Wanna slap him to wake him - his response, ps slap me, but forget about waking me up.
Let him cool off, then have a good talk with him to make him realise what's wrong - tried, replied me with a 'Yes, Yes, I know', two months later 'back to normal'.
Disappearing Act - Tried, he went around looking for me at places where I mostly hang out, promising me everything, two months later, 'back to normal'.
Even my mum talked to him, she 'hijacked' him at the carpark; he went 'Yes, Yes, Auntie'; weeks later, back to normal.
When asked how stable is our relationship by friends, he will say it's actually very stable; good etc. But still, he will act up every now and then. When confronted on why act up when he felt it's stable, he just shrugged his shoulders.
I am trying to be logical; if what I am doing is considered logical.
My life used to revolve around him, and him only. I can stay at home jus to wait for his tex/call because he told me he would be meeting me. If he told me he wanna meet me for dinner, I would wait. The longest I waited was till 11pm, jus for a dinner with him.
My parents knew; they attempted to drag me out for dinner couple of times, trying to tempt me by suggesting that they will be going to my fave restaurant.
I lied; saying he would be coming soon. the moment they left, I changed my clothes and went out; loitering around and waiting at nearby blocks for him.
As time passed, I realised it was truly ridiculous of me. 'Waiting' became a part of my life, wait for dinner, wait for lunch, wait and wait and wait.
Due to the irregular meals, I came down with gastric 3 years ago.
Ultimately, I starting having my own plans, my own life, rather than revolve my life around him.
Through the years, I have became very independent, on the other hand, he has became reliant.
Deep down we both knew, our positions have interchanged. I used to be the one waiting and waiting while he's occupied with family, friends and work. Now, he's the one who's waiting because I am tied up in work, family, studies and friends.
If insecurity is what he felt, I can't help. I have done all I can, I can't possibly give up all my friends.
From Day One he knew me, 90% of my friends have been guys.
And, he knew he was wrong, but he said he simply can't help it and term it as 'That's just being me, I can't change'.
Probably because of your adamant self beliefs that problems are generally solvable and you have much endurance to spare; your seemingly lack of drive to initiate yourself out of this relationship might to be due to a ironic situation where you feel that you haven't find enough reason to coerce yourself to leave, although they are blatant reasons to. (This is a karmic phenomenon known to CloUdiSm as Frog Theory X Fixedly).
Seriously, it doesn't really matter how much 'well-intended' reasoning someone else can put across - you don't really need those; what you require is simply just a decision and to stick with it. Either to walk away permanently or to change the circumstances of your relationship.
You must understand this: you can even walk away without a reason, if you are really bend on leaving. If you are firm on staying, nothing can make you go. For Love is freewill and emotional bondage are usually karmic by nature.
And all the angles and perspectives are actually barriers that hinder movements to freedom. Some people don't realize this: to bury themselves with all sort of angles and perspectives, by rationalizing that it is important to avoid making mistakes and having regrets in the future, is often the introduction of stagnation. Taking calculated moves are reasonable; but not when you are overly obsessed with the notion of fear, which ultimately immobilize you. Then the source of your angles and perspective are nothing but excuses for insecurity to thrive and the unconscious steps in employing avoidance tactics to evade existing problems.
You are resigned to the fact that your man wouldn't change, but subconsciously, you are waiting for an exception. You waited and waited - patience might be running out, but you could easily say that hope survived all adversity. Albeit, I say it's good to occupy your time and make life much more meaningful outside that of your ailing relationship, but you must also recognize that it is a facade to avoid confronting your relationship altogether and delaying the inevitable.
What do I mean by delaying the inevitable?
Should your relationship perish under major incompatibility, then it will surely manifest towards that direction, unless something drastic happen. Relationship only change, if humans evolved themselves. This ensures the long term positive development of a relationship and not resorting to short term measures to patch certain vulnerabilities for a limited period of time. The latter would be too prescriptive in problem-solving and is often ineffective because individual cosmic lessons are not mastered, thus reiterated lessons over and over again.
If a relationship is always a source of conflict, then the mark of wisdom would be to identity the real cusp of issue and evolve them.
Your man lives in a massive delusion; he thinks that his relationship is functioning well and flourishing. Although he sensed that something is not quite right somewhere in his kingdom, but like the Emperor's New Clothes, he somewhat believed that if he maintain this illusion of grandeur, things will just tide over somehow. He threatened you with break-up because it puts a full-stop to your approach in trying to dispel this illusion. And it works every time he play this trick, so that rules hardly change.
Your permission to succumb compromised the integrity of the relationship, thus sacrificing long term growth. Over a vast period of time, the relationship cracks and bleeds indefinitely.
Now you are completely lost in trying to mend the damage.
By yourself.
There is only so much discrimination, disrespect and suppression one can endure before burn-out occurs. 'That's just me and I can't change' attitude is pretty much self absorbed on his end too. But as a separate issue, your decision to choose him as your mate, with the misery that accompanied your choice, is surely part of your karmic circumstance to understand and learn certain abstract concept of Love.
If lost must occur before one could gain enlightenment, would you allow that growth by imparting the lesson of lost?
Sometimes, divorce is loving.(Ninth Law of Love).
Cheers
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
HR Crew X MRT Pasir Ris Station
Mel's legs are fairer than Linda's.
Ghastly!
P.S: Don't blame lighting. =D
Cheers
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Christian the Lion
Watch this and you will be amazed and so touched by how you could actually find human qualities in this lion.
And the relationship is vice versa - we could also find animalistic qualities in a human being. Astrology spoke of an unevolved Mars - the main culprit responsible for such causes, but it seemed like a combination of instrinsic and extrinsic influences that give rise to such negative human life condition.
Question is: which is more important: Nature or nurture?
Well, at least in this vid (adding strength to the nurture camp) to certain extend, nurture can indeed change circumstances and ultimately - destiny.
What do you think?
Cheers
And the relationship is vice versa - we could also find animalistic qualities in a human being. Astrology spoke of an unevolved Mars - the main culprit responsible for such causes, but it seemed like a combination of instrinsic and extrinsic influences that give rise to such negative human life condition.
Question is: which is more important: Nature or nurture?
Well, at least in this vid (adding strength to the nurture camp) to certain extend, nurture can indeed change circumstances and ultimately - destiny.
What do you think?
Cheers
Monday, July 21, 2008
LittleDragonGal
LittleDragonGal [小龙女] (My gaming facade)
LittleDragonGal in Action (Dota) - Please click.
People are just forcing me to use 九阴真经 to 大开杀戒.
TRIPLE KILL! =D
P.S: To read Chinese Character: please encode to Unicode (UTF-8).
Cheers
LittleDragonGal in Action (Dota) - Please click.
People are just forcing me to use 九阴真经 to 大开杀戒.
TRIPLE KILL! =D
P.S: To read Chinese Character: please encode to Unicode (UTF-8).
Cheers
Aunt Agony 200708
Originally posted by babydontgo:
Dear AA:
It all started out about 1 year back.. i went into a relationship, had those sweet times together and stuff.. my girl is fond of playing games and treats friends really important (i.e play games with friends online, etc) and she has alot of guy friends from the opposite sex, this i do not mind although my past relationship was a failure and due to a third party, i was quite insecure and restricted much things. then i moved on.. this relationship i somehow didnt restrict or mind all those normal just "boy" friends of hers. it moved on.. months by months not much of quarrels and just happy moments all the time, till one day i stumbled upon something which i shouldnt have saw, which is (dont ask me how i found out) the lies she told me, such as that she been playing games with her best friends and keeping me in the dark. i know it kind of sound stupid that she lied to me because she played games with her friends and kept things from me and im angry about it. its not about the content of the lie, but its just a lie is still a lie.
To me, i felt that she told me a lie shows how much our relationship means to her, as she could just talk things out like oh, im playing this and that.. i dont expect her to report things to me but, i'm a person who doesn't have many friends. sometimes i'm on msn with her and because she can't go out i always try to accompany her even when im online, but there she is playing and always ignoring me and stuff making me feel so neglected (even online).
I don't confide much into friends or anyone too, i just keep things to myself. I felt quite uneasy and i tend to start to show her attitude and drop some hints like "bored? then go play your this and that game, etc" I just think why i tried to put in so much effort into this relationship, being faithful, being always there when she needs me, i have never lied to her and she did this to me. Back then before i knew her too, i know she had an old flame, and i only knew he was in NAFA. Despite all those recent things that happened, sometime later she chosed withdrawed from JC ( she repeated JC1 again) and applied to go in NAFA. I felt rather insecure again.. One day she was with me, and her old flame msg her, saying "I think i cant go down NAFA to see you today, i have something on" i didn't purposely caught a glimpse but it so happenly i saw it, she quickly slide down her phone and thus closing the message. all these actions just made me really felt insecure.. i don't know what to do then..
I just kept thinking and thinking and I just can't take it that we started quarreling alot. I just kept thinking why doesn't her conscious prick her everytime we meet up or something, like as if she feel and look as though nothing really happened, although she doesn't know i knew about it all. I then thought to myself "how long is she gonna keep it from me?"
It slowly moved on, at the beginning i already knew she is someone who tends to keep things to herself, and not to share with me ( which is very bad ) so there I was trying to make her feel "open" to me as im willing to share problems with her, although i myself have problems. Whenever a problem, she always choose to avoid if not run away from it. Even i do wanna have a heart-to-heart talk she doesn't. Theres nothing i could do, and eventually it just fades away.. as I couldn't forget about the things she did, i chose to run too.
I eventually got close with a girl that is was in my class, chatted out hang out with her soon it became. Then i always ignored my girlfriend, and just kept showing her attitude while i still continued to hang out with that girl.. well i was really hoping just to forget "things" she done to me. like why do i deserve all these despite her knowing i hate people who lies and its really hard for me to trust her. there it went on, she not knowing everything and one day she found out all what i was doing.
She was so hardbroken and all.. I sunk even deeper into the new, as she grew to had "feelings" for me. I really dont know what to do, and life just went on for 6months. There my girl was suffering and hoping everyday that one day i'll just return to her. I already know its bad and i feel so disgusted with myself for doing all this to her, i tried to talk to the "new" and said stop continuing things like as in going out and hanging out together. but i didn't have the heart to break another girl's heart i let it drag, but many atimes i did said but eventually still went on seeing her. I still been meeting my girl throughout these 6months but we were considered "broken up" in the early of that 6months.
I really didn't know what i really went into, despite knowing it all.. Its just i don't wish to show my feelings to my girl that i still do love her, i put on a mask. Suddenly at her saddest moments, a guy she just met for 2weeks came into her life and she had just decided to let me go. She told me, and said was the last meeting of us.
Suddenly, i felt really uneasy, and uptight about it. I couldn't sleep. And i thought and i thought.. it really made me finally realise that she means alot to me not because i'm afraid she is letting go and hurting my "pride or something" -- thats what she thinks.
I finally decided to really "stop" everything, and decided to ask her back. I tried all i could, i did so much things.. but still. she still remained "i still want to be alone". I have faced it before and i know when a girl says this, means she wants to go with the other. she also told me that "she still loves me, but the feelings just changed"; a change of heart i know. I tried so much to want her back and really from the bottom of my heart i regretted it all but its no use and no point as whats done is done. Her friend whom i've been chatting to also said that from what he sees is she likes that new guy but just don't wanna break my heart. I really don't know what to do.. I still met up with her last week a few times, and i know she been meeting up with him too (she lied to us both whenever she wants to see whom)..
I just can't let her go, although my friends said she already moved on, and its hopeless now even if you do anything. I divulged into smoking alot, and even drinking almost every day and night. I slept like only 2-3hours per day, i just can't stop thinking, thinking of what i should do..
I am really lost, not even in the mood to study. I even thought of withdrawing from my poly first then serve NS, to not think about things. I know did all those stupid stuffs just to break her heart.. i'd really like to make up for it, and also don't wanna end this between us. I cant even forgive myself. But this saying goes "whats meant to be yours, will be yours" and "if you want her to be happy, let her go". I still told her "i would wait, even if you were to go with him"
But im really tired... and i dont know what to do... somebody help me please. no flames, i know i'm a jerk.
The problem with insecurity is that if you do not seek to resolve it, it will grow insidious and bring harm to your relationship because you are not emotionally stable with yourself to love another person.
If you are always seeking stability through the presence of a relationship, then your relationship is likely to crumble from the malicious vibes of insecurity. Having a life and friendships are actually vital to the overall longevity of a relationship - if there is an absence of the former, then a large part of your time will be spend deducing on her possible deception and worrying about the mundane.
Interestingly, your insecurity could reframe a context to fit your own logical equation: you said you stayed online to accompany her while she played games and you claimed that you were neglected. Of course, when she is engaging in her games, it's difficult to chat on msn at the same time, isn't it? Hence, she doesn't actually need your company much more than you need hers.
And the truth is that you wanted her to accompany you, not vice versa because you are the one feeling neglected.
When you encountered the new girl, your unconscious intention was to make use of her to divert your bitterness you felt in your relationship. The 'falling for you' scenario was calculated - you just needed the some chips to negotiate for a truce. But what sort of diplomancy could beget a postive outcome for an emotional affliction? When you resort to such a measure, you already paved your way to a route of misery that has already proven itself to be true.
Then when your woman started running after you, you began to like where you are - something to fall back on (your new girl), simultaneously, having your woman to exhibit more attention to you, thus increasing your dominance on your situation. Unfortunately, when you woman decide to move on, you couldn't hold the facade - dropped everything you have on hand and started re-pursuing her again.
Back to square one and blatantly a karmic relationship.
At the end of the day, you lost your relationship the same manner as you did in your previous relationship - death from insecurity. And I can tell you frankly that unless you seek to resolve this affliction, there is a high chance that you will reiterate the same circumstances over and over again.
For those who are unevolved, Love often presents painful lessons for graduation. You are hurt because you encountered your worst nightmare and should you use some wisdom to preview your relationship, you would have discover that if execute poor judgement in making certain decisions, at times, it may be difficult to retrace your route.
You need to heal yourself. Only then things will get better.
Don't dwell too much in alcohol and such, for it will get you nowhere, mimicking the unevolved way you handle your relationship. Take some time off to rest and recover - two wrong doesn't make one right; you need to pause for a moment to introspect and not move recklessly again.
Cheers
Dear AA:
It all started out about 1 year back.. i went into a relationship, had those sweet times together and stuff.. my girl is fond of playing games and treats friends really important (i.e play games with friends online, etc) and she has alot of guy friends from the opposite sex, this i do not mind although my past relationship was a failure and due to a third party, i was quite insecure and restricted much things. then i moved on.. this relationship i somehow didnt restrict or mind all those normal just "boy" friends of hers. it moved on.. months by months not much of quarrels and just happy moments all the time, till one day i stumbled upon something which i shouldnt have saw, which is (dont ask me how i found out) the lies she told me, such as that she been playing games with her best friends and keeping me in the dark. i know it kind of sound stupid that she lied to me because she played games with her friends and kept things from me and im angry about it. its not about the content of the lie, but its just a lie is still a lie.
To me, i felt that she told me a lie shows how much our relationship means to her, as she could just talk things out like oh, im playing this and that.. i dont expect her to report things to me but, i'm a person who doesn't have many friends. sometimes i'm on msn with her and because she can't go out i always try to accompany her even when im online, but there she is playing and always ignoring me and stuff making me feel so neglected (even online).
I don't confide much into friends or anyone too, i just keep things to myself. I felt quite uneasy and i tend to start to show her attitude and drop some hints like "bored? then go play your this and that game, etc" I just think why i tried to put in so much effort into this relationship, being faithful, being always there when she needs me, i have never lied to her and she did this to me. Back then before i knew her too, i know she had an old flame, and i only knew he was in NAFA. Despite all those recent things that happened, sometime later she chosed withdrawed from JC ( she repeated JC1 again) and applied to go in NAFA. I felt rather insecure again.. One day she was with me, and her old flame msg her, saying "I think i cant go down NAFA to see you today, i have something on" i didn't purposely caught a glimpse but it so happenly i saw it, she quickly slide down her phone and thus closing the message. all these actions just made me really felt insecure.. i don't know what to do then..
I just kept thinking and thinking and I just can't take it that we started quarreling alot. I just kept thinking why doesn't her conscious prick her everytime we meet up or something, like as if she feel and look as though nothing really happened, although she doesn't know i knew about it all. I then thought to myself "how long is she gonna keep it from me?"
It slowly moved on, at the beginning i already knew she is someone who tends to keep things to herself, and not to share with me ( which is very bad ) so there I was trying to make her feel "open" to me as im willing to share problems with her, although i myself have problems. Whenever a problem, she always choose to avoid if not run away from it. Even i do wanna have a heart-to-heart talk she doesn't. Theres nothing i could do, and eventually it just fades away.. as I couldn't forget about the things she did, i chose to run too.
I eventually got close with a girl that is was in my class, chatted out hang out with her soon it became. Then i always ignored my girlfriend, and just kept showing her attitude while i still continued to hang out with that girl.. well i was really hoping just to forget "things" she done to me. like why do i deserve all these despite her knowing i hate people who lies and its really hard for me to trust her. there it went on, she not knowing everything and one day she found out all what i was doing.
She was so hardbroken and all.. I sunk even deeper into the new, as she grew to had "feelings" for me. I really dont know what to do, and life just went on for 6months. There my girl was suffering and hoping everyday that one day i'll just return to her. I already know its bad and i feel so disgusted with myself for doing all this to her, i tried to talk to the "new" and said stop continuing things like as in going out and hanging out together. but i didn't have the heart to break another girl's heart i let it drag, but many atimes i did said but eventually still went on seeing her. I still been meeting my girl throughout these 6months but we were considered "broken up" in the early of that 6months.
I really didn't know what i really went into, despite knowing it all.. Its just i don't wish to show my feelings to my girl that i still do love her, i put on a mask. Suddenly at her saddest moments, a guy she just met for 2weeks came into her life and she had just decided to let me go. She told me, and said was the last meeting of us.
Suddenly, i felt really uneasy, and uptight about it. I couldn't sleep. And i thought and i thought.. it really made me finally realise that she means alot to me not because i'm afraid she is letting go and hurting my "pride or something" -- thats what she thinks.
I finally decided to really "stop" everything, and decided to ask her back. I tried all i could, i did so much things.. but still. she still remained "i still want to be alone". I have faced it before and i know when a girl says this, means she wants to go with the other. she also told me that "she still loves me, but the feelings just changed"; a change of heart i know. I tried so much to want her back and really from the bottom of my heart i regretted it all but its no use and no point as whats done is done. Her friend whom i've been chatting to also said that from what he sees is she likes that new guy but just don't wanna break my heart. I really don't know what to do.. I still met up with her last week a few times, and i know she been meeting up with him too (she lied to us both whenever she wants to see whom)..
I just can't let her go, although my friends said she already moved on, and its hopeless now even if you do anything. I divulged into smoking alot, and even drinking almost every day and night. I slept like only 2-3hours per day, i just can't stop thinking, thinking of what i should do..
I am really lost, not even in the mood to study. I even thought of withdrawing from my poly first then serve NS, to not think about things. I know did all those stupid stuffs just to break her heart.. i'd really like to make up for it, and also don't wanna end this between us. I cant even forgive myself. But this saying goes "whats meant to be yours, will be yours" and "if you want her to be happy, let her go". I still told her "i would wait, even if you were to go with him"
But im really tired... and i dont know what to do... somebody help me please. no flames, i know i'm a jerk.
The problem with insecurity is that if you do not seek to resolve it, it will grow insidious and bring harm to your relationship because you are not emotionally stable with yourself to love another person.
If you are always seeking stability through the presence of a relationship, then your relationship is likely to crumble from the malicious vibes of insecurity. Having a life and friendships are actually vital to the overall longevity of a relationship - if there is an absence of the former, then a large part of your time will be spend deducing on her possible deception and worrying about the mundane.
Interestingly, your insecurity could reframe a context to fit your own logical equation: you said you stayed online to accompany her while she played games and you claimed that you were neglected. Of course, when she is engaging in her games, it's difficult to chat on msn at the same time, isn't it? Hence, she doesn't actually need your company much more than you need hers.
And the truth is that you wanted her to accompany you, not vice versa because you are the one feeling neglected.
When you encountered the new girl, your unconscious intention was to make use of her to divert your bitterness you felt in your relationship. The 'falling for you' scenario was calculated - you just needed the some chips to negotiate for a truce. But what sort of diplomancy could beget a postive outcome for an emotional affliction? When you resort to such a measure, you already paved your way to a route of misery that has already proven itself to be true.
Then when your woman started running after you, you began to like where you are - something to fall back on (your new girl), simultaneously, having your woman to exhibit more attention to you, thus increasing your dominance on your situation. Unfortunately, when you woman decide to move on, you couldn't hold the facade - dropped everything you have on hand and started re-pursuing her again.
Back to square one and blatantly a karmic relationship.
At the end of the day, you lost your relationship the same manner as you did in your previous relationship - death from insecurity. And I can tell you frankly that unless you seek to resolve this affliction, there is a high chance that you will reiterate the same circumstances over and over again.
For those who are unevolved, Love often presents painful lessons for graduation. You are hurt because you encountered your worst nightmare and should you use some wisdom to preview your relationship, you would have discover that if execute poor judgement in making certain decisions, at times, it may be difficult to retrace your route.
You need to heal yourself. Only then things will get better.
Don't dwell too much in alcohol and such, for it will get you nowhere, mimicking the unevolved way you handle your relationship. Take some time off to rest and recover - two wrong doesn't make one right; you need to pause for a moment to introspect and not move recklessly again.
Cheers
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
New Term
Damn - my laptop went berserk and unofficially, I had a day break from work miraculously. Finally had time to clear the lowest priority stuff, labeled according to my discretion.
Cleared my tables. New term means new books means around term of mugging. Fortunately, I took Psychology and Lifespan module in my previous semester - this term should be a breeze. I looked at my insane schedule and realized that it was indeed a darn wise decision.
I) Have been subtly working on Project CloUdiSm in bits and pieces - kinda took me away from Aunt Agony for a while (after all, topics have been lot quieter these days and my time is really tight - well, I told Chief and he totally understands and is pretty cool about it). Hence, I finally had time to complete Melvin's astrological analysis. Hiak!
II) Mass Dance. Need to choreo another 4-eights, as well as the beginning formation to complete beat it. Mel, if you are reading this - would need your help to cut and paste two songs for me. =)
III) My bag of card tricks (or rather videos) sits quietly in front of me. Ok I know I need to allocate some precious time to it.
IV) Told Mohan I needed to restore back to PLAB fitness level. Possible?
V) Panel testimonial. Another project for CF meeting. Have to write the script out for my part.
Sigh. I don't know if I can take on production show/s like Oschool recital, but looking at my situation, I think it may not be wise to.
I need more gruesome dance training. ROAR!
Random shot taken in Swensen after Yamaha performance.
Cheers
Cleared my tables. New term means new books means around term of mugging. Fortunately, I took Psychology and Lifespan module in my previous semester - this term should be a breeze. I looked at my insane schedule and realized that it was indeed a darn wise decision.
I) Have been subtly working on Project CloUdiSm in bits and pieces - kinda took me away from Aunt Agony for a while (after all, topics have been lot quieter these days and my time is really tight - well, I told Chief and he totally understands and is pretty cool about it). Hence, I finally had time to complete Melvin's astrological analysis. Hiak!
II) Mass Dance. Need to choreo another 4-eights, as well as the beginning formation to complete beat it. Mel, if you are reading this - would need your help to cut and paste two songs for me. =)
III) My bag of card tricks (or rather videos) sits quietly in front of me. Ok I know I need to allocate some precious time to it.
IV) Told Mohan I needed to restore back to PLAB fitness level. Possible?
V) Panel testimonial. Another project for CF meeting. Have to write the script out for my part.
Sigh. I don't know if I can take on production show/s like Oschool recital, but looking at my situation, I think it may not be wise to.
I need more gruesome dance training. ROAR!
Random shot taken in Swensen after Yamaha performance.
Cheers
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Lost Youth
Read about the case of the NSF who was charged with illegal possession of firearms and bullets, as it stole it effortlessly from his SAF camp just before his ORD.
It was sad.
But beyond that lingering cloud of sadness, lies some of the greatest thought provoking understanding of how an individual, without the belief of freewill, would simply be buried under the felonious chain of karmic debts, seemingly without an avenue to break through and achieve liberty.
In Nichiren Buddhism, it simply means not enlighten to one’s Buddha’s nature, inherent in all human beings.
The article reads from H2 – “Perfect boyfriend to man with a mission to kill.” CloUdiSm would have state that this perfect boyfriend-to-be is but compensated-behaviour from the lack of love during his early childhood and beyond, in order to secure an alternative dimension of security built onto an unstable platform of Love. It is relatively unstable in his case because the interior of his personality and development certainly allows many waves of unforgiving cosmic lesson to rain upon him like sharp crystal shards.
Those who pursue love are inescapable to the fact of self loving is of greater importance than exuded affection, for if the former is afflicted, it’s like a car without a screwed engine – you can’t go for miles even if that’s what you desire.
Do you even have a chance to overcome such a hostile environment if you are the man himself?
Freewill is difficult to expound to those who are buried beneath ten thousands stone slab worth of negativity. I remembered once I dialogue with someone and told him that the concept of hell does not lies with afterlife – in fact, one can easily find hell on earth - the hell that exist in our environment. Interestingly, when we are so warped by this hell on Earth, who bothers about what’s going on after death and the decision made to send man between Heaven or Hell?
I loved how Justice Tay encouraged him: To everything there is a season. There was a time when you loved, there came a time when you hated. There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill, now is the time for you to heal. There was a time you were broken down, now is the time to build yourself up. There was a time when you were at war in your being, now is the time to restore peace within.
This is Human Revolution.
One must learn to change from within, to see a gradual effect in the external environment and to walk away from war is to find peace inside.
When the Lotus Sutra was expounded - light was cast right into the deepest of Avichi hell. Perhaps the self component, despite how afflicted we have developed, has the power to regenerate itself.
And there was always hope – the last quality that came out of Pandora Box.
P.S: Read the outcome at: http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Courts%2Band%2BCrime/STIStory_255454.html
Cheers
It was sad.
But beyond that lingering cloud of sadness, lies some of the greatest thought provoking understanding of how an individual, without the belief of freewill, would simply be buried under the felonious chain of karmic debts, seemingly without an avenue to break through and achieve liberty.
In Nichiren Buddhism, it simply means not enlighten to one’s Buddha’s nature, inherent in all human beings.
The article reads from H2 – “Perfect boyfriend to man with a mission to kill.” CloUdiSm would have state that this perfect boyfriend-to-be is but compensated-behaviour from the lack of love during his early childhood and beyond, in order to secure an alternative dimension of security built onto an unstable platform of Love. It is relatively unstable in his case because the interior of his personality and development certainly allows many waves of unforgiving cosmic lesson to rain upon him like sharp crystal shards.
Those who pursue love are inescapable to the fact of self loving is of greater importance than exuded affection, for if the former is afflicted, it’s like a car without a screwed engine – you can’t go for miles even if that’s what you desire.
Do you even have a chance to overcome such a hostile environment if you are the man himself?
Freewill is difficult to expound to those who are buried beneath ten thousands stone slab worth of negativity. I remembered once I dialogue with someone and told him that the concept of hell does not lies with afterlife – in fact, one can easily find hell on earth - the hell that exist in our environment. Interestingly, when we are so warped by this hell on Earth, who bothers about what’s going on after death and the decision made to send man between Heaven or Hell?
I loved how Justice Tay encouraged him: To everything there is a season. There was a time when you loved, there came a time when you hated. There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill, now is the time for you to heal. There was a time you were broken down, now is the time to build yourself up. There was a time when you were at war in your being, now is the time to restore peace within.
This is Human Revolution.
One must learn to change from within, to see a gradual effect in the external environment and to walk away from war is to find peace inside.
When the Lotus Sutra was expounded - light was cast right into the deepest of Avichi hell. Perhaps the self component, despite how afflicted we have developed, has the power to regenerate itself.
And there was always hope – the last quality that came out of Pandora Box.
P.S: Read the outcome at: http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Courts%2Band%2BCrime/STIStory_255454.html
Cheers
Monday, July 07, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Saturday, July 05, 2008
The Power of Nobody
A certain VP (Vice President) just came up to me yesterday and our conversation goes something like this:
'You are Mark right?'
'Yup, what's sup?'
'You are taking Social Work in UNISIM right?'
'Yeah'
'Next time when you come down to Cuppage, let's lunch together - I have things to consult you.'
I was totally taken aback. I recalled having lunch with him and Shirley in AR and found him very easy-going and a real fatherly figure. We talked previously and I did share what am I doing and such, but never had I realize that I had subtly influenced his decision to pursue the same path as I did.
'Ya, he wants to take the same course as Mark. You know, in that sense, Mark will be his senior,' said Danny when I told him after my conversation with the certain VP ended.
Madness.
J0kingly and causally, I told the certain VP, 'you know, it's too big of a crime for me to bear if I were to influence you and steal a VP away from your dept into social work.'
We laughed.
Then I asked: 'why the suddenly interest in Social Work?'
Then he explained it as the calling of God - to lead a real Christian life to serve his father above. And he said something that stuck me deeply:
'A real Christian is not just a person who goes to Church every Sunday. That does not constitute a real Christian.'
Woah. Coming from a person who only accepted Christ for a few years to say that: impressive.
I warned him that as a VP entering into social work; it is a freaking (and I mean freaking) drastic pay cut adjustment to make, as comparing to me. Imagine five-digit figures going down to mid four digit pay (or even less). That sacrifice might prove a little too tough to swallow - especially since he has two kids, a wife and his financial liability to consider. For the certain VP who has pretty successfully climbed much of the corporate ladder (and could still climb) - to change direction in life and pursue something really different takes more than just courage to initiate.
Albeit we are of different faith, but our underlying motivation is very much the same - life is certainly more than just being a typical Singaporean.
I loved meeting people and sharing thoughts - thus it's amazing even to find someone outside our societal 'thought system' in my field, which is a good thing.
For a nobody to influence a somebody - man... I must be a somebody. =D
Cheers
'You are Mark right?'
'Yup, what's sup?'
'You are taking Social Work in UNISIM right?'
'Yeah'
'Next time when you come down to Cuppage, let's lunch together - I have things to consult you.'
I was totally taken aback. I recalled having lunch with him and Shirley in AR and found him very easy-going and a real fatherly figure. We talked previously and I did share what am I doing and such, but never had I realize that I had subtly influenced his decision to pursue the same path as I did.
'Ya, he wants to take the same course as Mark. You know, in that sense, Mark will be his senior,' said Danny when I told him after my conversation with the certain VP ended.
Madness.
J0kingly and causally, I told the certain VP, 'you know, it's too big of a crime for me to bear if I were to influence you and steal a VP away from your dept into social work.'
We laughed.
Then I asked: 'why the suddenly interest in Social Work?'
Then he explained it as the calling of God - to lead a real Christian life to serve his father above. And he said something that stuck me deeply:
'A real Christian is not just a person who goes to Church every Sunday. That does not constitute a real Christian.'
Woah. Coming from a person who only accepted Christ for a few years to say that: impressive.
I warned him that as a VP entering into social work; it is a freaking (and I mean freaking) drastic pay cut adjustment to make, as comparing to me. Imagine five-digit figures going down to mid four digit pay (or even less). That sacrifice might prove a little too tough to swallow - especially since he has two kids, a wife and his financial liability to consider. For the certain VP who has pretty successfully climbed much of the corporate ladder (and could still climb) - to change direction in life and pursue something really different takes more than just courage to initiate.
Albeit we are of different faith, but our underlying motivation is very much the same - life is certainly more than just being a typical Singaporean.
I loved meeting people and sharing thoughts - thus it's amazing even to find someone outside our societal 'thought system' in my field, which is a good thing.
For a nobody to influence a somebody - man... I must be a somebody. =D
Cheers
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Walk Away
I just fucking feel like getting out for a while.
Maybe a long while. Real while.
Enough to guide sanity back... at least.
I witnessed what I hated returning; like a boomerang.
Now truly, I have every reason to abhor the quarterly Saturn Return's effect.
Yunhaier - please fuck off for a moment.
Maybe a long while. Real while.
Enough to guide sanity back... at least.
I witnessed what I hated returning; like a boomerang.
Now truly, I have every reason to abhor the quarterly Saturn Return's effect.
Yunhaier - please fuck off for a moment.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Aunt Agony 240608
Originally posted by confused heart:
its been years since we broke up... i left her cos we had too much quarrels...
now, we each live our seperate lives... each attached to our own partners...
she's with the guy whom appeared when our relationship were nearing the end..
i hate myself for letting her go.. till this day, i cant forgive myself
i dream of her every now and then and it really hurts me till this day when i wake up from such dreams...
its like i can never let go... its like a part of my heart is dead ... its with her ..
i cant love my current partner whole heartedly but i cant let her know the truth
it hurts too that i say "i love you" when deep inside, i know its not completely
i hate to have to lie for the rest of my life...
i cant turn to my friends anymore... they all say the same thing ,
let her go if you really love her, its over, stop holding to the past
i know all these but my heart just fail me when i try to get over it
i really hope time will heal, because it has not till today..
or will it be the regret that will follow me for the rest of my life?
i really dunno... sometimes i feel like running away from everything but i know i cant run away from this feeling... i want to face it but i don't know how to...
i know i need help but there's no one i can turn to anymore...
it's all my fault.. my fault... i cant forgive myself for letting her go to someone else..
Fixidity.
Too much of that element fuels the inability to be adaptable and too much endurance to burn.
That's probably one of the top few gross misconception people often have about Love - they reason to themselves that if they remain unchanged till the very end, it probably suggested that their Love is the ultimate truth.
However, there's a clause in this belief; it's only when Love is mutual. In all other cases, it's almost karmic - like a devil lurking behind the stone idol.
And the latter is simply narcissistic.
Before people begin to congregate in this topic and start preaching perseverence in being narcissistic in Love, allow me to throw a question (as well as to the floor): why do you even think that your brand of Love is the greatest of all and that she has no one else but you to accept this lifetime?
In short: who are you?
The truth is that you love yourself the most; insofar you don't exactly consider the other person's growth and perspective as much as your own indulgence in possessing the other person, like some insatiable hunger. You are feeling so much pain and misery is because of your refusal to understand that your 'perceived Love' is based on a superficial belief of harbouring a non-existing relationship.
It amazed me at how you could felt so anguish about the failure of your previous relationship, yet the crisis has taught you absolutely nothing beneficial to implement into your current relationship, other than this senseless pinning for a lost cause. You ought to keep the memory of your failure to strive towards a brighter future in all aspect of Love and not dwell so much in your own intense emotions till it misled you into this whirlpool of depression and a confused state of mind.
If you cannot handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such a predicament. Learn to release yourself from this emotional bondage and live a free man.
You can only move if you enlighten yourself the reason to move. And the reason to move cannot come from others - it has to be from within.
Cheers
its been years since we broke up... i left her cos we had too much quarrels...
now, we each live our seperate lives... each attached to our own partners...
she's with the guy whom appeared when our relationship were nearing the end..
i hate myself for letting her go.. till this day, i cant forgive myself
i dream of her every now and then and it really hurts me till this day when i wake up from such dreams...
its like i can never let go... its like a part of my heart is dead ... its with her ..
i cant love my current partner whole heartedly but i cant let her know the truth
it hurts too that i say "i love you" when deep inside, i know its not completely
i hate to have to lie for the rest of my life...
i cant turn to my friends anymore... they all say the same thing ,
let her go if you really love her, its over, stop holding to the past
i know all these but my heart just fail me when i try to get over it
i really hope time will heal, because it has not till today..
or will it be the regret that will follow me for the rest of my life?
i really dunno... sometimes i feel like running away from everything but i know i cant run away from this feeling... i want to face it but i don't know how to...
i know i need help but there's no one i can turn to anymore...
it's all my fault.. my fault... i cant forgive myself for letting her go to someone else..
Fixidity.
Too much of that element fuels the inability to be adaptable and too much endurance to burn.
That's probably one of the top few gross misconception people often have about Love - they reason to themselves that if they remain unchanged till the very end, it probably suggested that their Love is the ultimate truth.
However, there's a clause in this belief; it's only when Love is mutual. In all other cases, it's almost karmic - like a devil lurking behind the stone idol.
And the latter is simply narcissistic.
Before people begin to congregate in this topic and start preaching perseverence in being narcissistic in Love, allow me to throw a question (as well as to the floor): why do you even think that your brand of Love is the greatest of all and that she has no one else but you to accept this lifetime?
In short: who are you?
The truth is that you love yourself the most; insofar you don't exactly consider the other person's growth and perspective as much as your own indulgence in possessing the other person, like some insatiable hunger. You are feeling so much pain and misery is because of your refusal to understand that your 'perceived Love' is based on a superficial belief of harbouring a non-existing relationship.
It amazed me at how you could felt so anguish about the failure of your previous relationship, yet the crisis has taught you absolutely nothing beneficial to implement into your current relationship, other than this senseless pinning for a lost cause. You ought to keep the memory of your failure to strive towards a brighter future in all aspect of Love and not dwell so much in your own intense emotions till it misled you into this whirlpool of depression and a confused state of mind.
If you cannot handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such a predicament. Learn to release yourself from this emotional bondage and live a free man.
You can only move if you enlighten yourself the reason to move. And the reason to move cannot come from others - it has to be from within.
Cheers
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Yamaha X HR Crew
HR Crew inaugural public performance. Thanks Mingli for allowing us the opportunity to work with Yamaha. I would also like to congratulate HR Crew for having the first batch of male youths to invade the studio (which causes incessant outburst by the parents and school head).
And of course - our first project fund! Yay!
And of course - our first project fund! Yay!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
KO Night (14 Jun 08)
Random shot @ Hong Kong Cafe.
KO Night last Saturday.
Saw Gosh's battling on youtube. Great, he improved quite abit.
Looking forward to KO Night Finals (Hilty and Bousch coming!)
Cheers
Aunt Agony 190608
Originally posted by delores:
I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.
No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.
He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago. His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.
I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.
I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.
I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.
I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.
I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.
He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.
I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?
There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.
So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy i suppose.
I am a loser rite?
By now, you would have harshly learn that a marriage cannot change a man unless he is willing to allow his marriage to change him. And I can ask you: why should he change? Just because he is married?
That's already very naive to begin with.
The women that flocked to him projected one typical structure of Love's cosmic lesson - of uncommitment and unavailability. CloUdiSm states 'we attract the quality we exude' - hence, those who are unavailable or uncommitted themselves attracts mates that demonstrate such personality. This is the essential reason why your man continues to attract slattern simply because he hasn't evolved his spirit and personality.
You willingly chose a man that cannot remain faithful and an evolutionist psychologist would claim that Natural Selection (his ability to better provide the environment or genes component for replication) overwhelmed all factors in love. It's no wonder you are suffering in your marriage because at you sow the cause of wrong reason for marriage and thus effecting the law of causation, channeled through this karmic relationship.
I can pinpoint to you how this vicious cycle persist with the absence of wisdom and higher self awareness:
Originally posted by delores:
[Quote] I came from a divorce family, I hated it when the teacher in class asked me...every yr when they ask personal details at the beginning of each yr. Then it become a topic .u need to explain every yr [unquote]
You loathed the chaos in your early childhood years. You reckoned that you have already moved on from that episode, but I can tell you that this history still binds you till this very day, like an unbreakable adamantine chain. What happens is that you probably chose an escapist route in your developmental stages in Love. You are at no wrong to desire a warm home, happy family with lovely children and husband, but you are missing one critical ingredient to manifest this dream into reality.
It is the Self.
How can such fulfillment be attained without first changing the self component, which has been mutilated and distorted through the passing of time and the negativity of one's environment? One will not be able to find a home in the external world without first seeking to find a home in the internal realm. Love, as pristine as it can get, is an unadulterated innate energy coming from within - which is why a miserable person, thinking that Love is going to save him/her, despite being in different environment, still ends up being miserable because that sort of union is often for reasons outside 'Love'.
In summary of the entire mambo jambo above: you are simply paying your guts off your lack of wisdom and enlightenment of yourself & in areas of Love and certain essential Love cosmic lessons that wasn't mastered previously. Your fixedly nature (worst if Taurus, Scorpio, Leo or Aquarius) also lockdown your ability to make decision for yourself to get out of misery, mimicking your earlier childhood experience of learned helplessness.
Just as you initially wanted to flee from your chaotic home environment, hoping to make a fresh start with your marriage to construct an ideal family, you end up recreating your earlier chaos.
Irony isn't it?
And trust me, he won't divorce you. Why should he give up a woman who can tolerate his promiscuous ways? LIke you, when the day he give up spreading his seeds randomly, at least he still knows that there is somebody back at home waiting for him. Your man isn't stupid, he knows that if he converts free fuck into committed fuck, it is going to cost him much more.
And no, he is not thinking about your emotional well-being. Why?
Because your relationship begins from an open relationship. Therefore, you set your foot the exact same way as how all these women began and all these women loved him for the same reasons you did. The rule of uncommitment does not take emotional well-being into consideration because this is how an open relationship is being played: mutual exchange of needs. Period.
He made a mistake - he got you pregnant.
He learned. Now he won't make the mistake twice.
I think you need to anchor your life into something deeper. To find meaning outside that of your relationship and for once, get to know and rediscover yourself.
You must find an answer from within to move forward and not remain stagnant at where you are. If interested, I can PM/share with you my Buddhist practice that might be able to achieve just that.
Cheers
I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.
No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.
He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago. His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.
I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.
I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.
I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.
I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.
I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.
He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.
I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?
There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.
So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy i suppose.
I am a loser rite?
By now, you would have harshly learn that a marriage cannot change a man unless he is willing to allow his marriage to change him. And I can ask you: why should he change? Just because he is married?
That's already very naive to begin with.
The women that flocked to him projected one typical structure of Love's cosmic lesson - of uncommitment and unavailability. CloUdiSm states 'we attract the quality we exude' - hence, those who are unavailable or uncommitted themselves attracts mates that demonstrate such personality. This is the essential reason why your man continues to attract slattern simply because he hasn't evolved his spirit and personality.
You willingly chose a man that cannot remain faithful and an evolutionist psychologist would claim that Natural Selection (his ability to better provide the environment or genes component for replication) overwhelmed all factors in love. It's no wonder you are suffering in your marriage because at you sow the cause of wrong reason for marriage and thus effecting the law of causation, channeled through this karmic relationship.
I can pinpoint to you how this vicious cycle persist with the absence of wisdom and higher self awareness:
Originally posted by delores:
[Quote] I came from a divorce family, I hated it when the teacher in class asked me...every yr when they ask personal details at the beginning of each yr. Then it become a topic .u need to explain every yr [unquote]
You loathed the chaos in your early childhood years. You reckoned that you have already moved on from that episode, but I can tell you that this history still binds you till this very day, like an unbreakable adamantine chain. What happens is that you probably chose an escapist route in your developmental stages in Love. You are at no wrong to desire a warm home, happy family with lovely children and husband, but you are missing one critical ingredient to manifest this dream into reality.
It is the Self.
How can such fulfillment be attained without first changing the self component, which has been mutilated and distorted through the passing of time and the negativity of one's environment? One will not be able to find a home in the external world without first seeking to find a home in the internal realm. Love, as pristine as it can get, is an unadulterated innate energy coming from within - which is why a miserable person, thinking that Love is going to save him/her, despite being in different environment, still ends up being miserable because that sort of union is often for reasons outside 'Love'.
In summary of the entire mambo jambo above: you are simply paying your guts off your lack of wisdom and enlightenment of yourself & in areas of Love and certain essential Love cosmic lessons that wasn't mastered previously. Your fixedly nature (worst if Taurus, Scorpio, Leo or Aquarius) also lockdown your ability to make decision for yourself to get out of misery, mimicking your earlier childhood experience of learned helplessness.
Just as you initially wanted to flee from your chaotic home environment, hoping to make a fresh start with your marriage to construct an ideal family, you end up recreating your earlier chaos.
Irony isn't it?
And trust me, he won't divorce you. Why should he give up a woman who can tolerate his promiscuous ways? LIke you, when the day he give up spreading his seeds randomly, at least he still knows that there is somebody back at home waiting for him. Your man isn't stupid, he knows that if he converts free fuck into committed fuck, it is going to cost him much more.
And no, he is not thinking about your emotional well-being. Why?
Because your relationship begins from an open relationship. Therefore, you set your foot the exact same way as how all these women began and all these women loved him for the same reasons you did. The rule of uncommitment does not take emotional well-being into consideration because this is how an open relationship is being played: mutual exchange of needs. Period.
He made a mistake - he got you pregnant.
He learned. Now he won't make the mistake twice.
I think you need to anchor your life into something deeper. To find meaning outside that of your relationship and for once, get to know and rediscover yourself.
You must find an answer from within to move forward and not remain stagnant at where you are. If interested, I can PM/share with you my Buddhist practice that might be able to achieve just that.
Cheers
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Aunt Agony 180608 (Continue from AA170608)
Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
This is very true...maybe it is because this is my first time doing it as well? If you have been a virgin for the past 20 plus years, you would feel a bit nervous about doing it right? Especially when the people around you kept instigating that it is not right to do it now, plus the fear of unplanned pregnancy...all of them just complicate something which should be simple and uncomplicated.
The problem of intimacy.
Our society and culture teaches that it's 'wrong' to engage in pre-martial sex, but the education stops right there. (Because the topic is about couple in a marriage settling, I am eliminating the portion about the problem of sexually active young people completely). Our society and culture doesn't teach what's next after marriage because it seemed that sex just comes 'naturally or automatic', in which I will show you that it simply doesn't function as linear and blindly.
Truth number one: sex life doesn't become fulfilling JUST simply because of marriage. What you must recognise is that a marriage doesn't change the inner component of an individual - namely the mindset and self belief. Believe you me, there are enough women out there who have been reinforced continously by their environment that love making is 'bad' that it appears almost impossible to reverse this notion even after marriage. You are one perfect example - you are married and your anxiety heightens in face of close intimacy.
With all that negativity about intimacy, tell me how can one truly enjoy being close? Hardly. That's why many women are unable to enjoy intimacy as much as they would like to because of the self inflicted barriers they gave themselves.
Truth number two: some people believe that marriage can function without being intimate. In that same line of argument, I can tell you that a marriage can also function without mutual respect or in presence of neglect.
The biggest question remains: is that the life you want?
Marriage is but a mere shell. By itself, it is hollow and only by filling it up with representation of the individuals working for the relationship can it take shape. A relationship can be empty, yet the decision to remain together can still take effect. Therefore, In Love, you GROW three dimensions collectively: CloUdiSm states it as the physical, emotional and spiritual plane. You can't just try to grow the pie selectively because it creates an imbalance in the relationship (unless the relationship is spiritually very evolved to override, but this kind of relationships ain't as common).
My point is very simple: review your situation and try to understand about your own inner workings and decide if there's a need to alter or remove certain barriers, before you can advance to the next stage in Love.
P.S: Possible Saturn or other malefic planets afflicting significator of 5th/8th house. I.C could be strong and rooting (Check Moon?)
Cheers
This is very true...maybe it is because this is my first time doing it as well? If you have been a virgin for the past 20 plus years, you would feel a bit nervous about doing it right? Especially when the people around you kept instigating that it is not right to do it now, plus the fear of unplanned pregnancy...all of them just complicate something which should be simple and uncomplicated.
The problem of intimacy.
Our society and culture teaches that it's 'wrong' to engage in pre-martial sex, but the education stops right there. (Because the topic is about couple in a marriage settling, I am eliminating the portion about the problem of sexually active young people completely). Our society and culture doesn't teach what's next after marriage because it seemed that sex just comes 'naturally or automatic', in which I will show you that it simply doesn't function as linear and blindly.
Truth number one: sex life doesn't become fulfilling JUST simply because of marriage. What you must recognise is that a marriage doesn't change the inner component of an individual - namely the mindset and self belief. Believe you me, there are enough women out there who have been reinforced continously by their environment that love making is 'bad' that it appears almost impossible to reverse this notion even after marriage. You are one perfect example - you are married and your anxiety heightens in face of close intimacy.
With all that negativity about intimacy, tell me how can one truly enjoy being close? Hardly. That's why many women are unable to enjoy intimacy as much as they would like to because of the self inflicted barriers they gave themselves.
Truth number two: some people believe that marriage can function without being intimate. In that same line of argument, I can tell you that a marriage can also function without mutual respect or in presence of neglect.
The biggest question remains: is that the life you want?
Marriage is but a mere shell. By itself, it is hollow and only by filling it up with representation of the individuals working for the relationship can it take shape. A relationship can be empty, yet the decision to remain together can still take effect. Therefore, In Love, you GROW three dimensions collectively: CloUdiSm states it as the physical, emotional and spiritual plane. You can't just try to grow the pie selectively because it creates an imbalance in the relationship (unless the relationship is spiritually very evolved to override, but this kind of relationships ain't as common).
My point is very simple: review your situation and try to understand about your own inner workings and decide if there's a need to alter or remove certain barriers, before you can advance to the next stage in Love.
P.S: Possible Saturn or other malefic planets afflicting significator of 5th/8th house. I.C could be strong and rooting (Check Moon?)
Cheers
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Aunt Agony 170806
Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
I am currently attached to one of the sweetest men I have ever known. We are going to register our marriage in a few weeks time but will only hold our customary banquet around a year later.
The problem is my husband would like to consummate our marriage as soon as possible, possibly after ROM but for me I would like to hold it back for a bit longer, preferably until after our customary marriage. We are both virgins and have not had any intercourse throughout our 3 year relationship, although of course we do indulge in petting every now and then to satisfy our urges.
Why would I want to wait longer? Maybe this is because I fear that I might get pregnant. Yes, I know there are condoms and all that, but all those can still fail to work at times. I know the percentage is very low, but I would rather be 100% sure that I will not get pregnant before the customary marriage. I am raised in a very conservative family and I know my parents would kill me if I dare to get into this kind of situation before the traditional wedding. And of course it wouldn't look appropriate for me to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown with a big tummy, would I? We are also not really financially stable to have a kid at this moment as both of us are still building our career and we also do not have our own house yet.
I am afraid if I give in and let him make love to me before the traditional wedding I might break down because I am not ready for it and my mind would be worrying about a lot of things so I would not be able to enjoy it. I really do love him very much and I want to make love with him more than ever but I just have this nagging concern in my mind everytime I thought of doing it before the banquet. Am I being unreasonable?
I am afraid of disappointing him yet I am afraid if I give in before I am 100% ready, it will turn out to be a disaster. Sigh. Do give some opinions on this issue.
Thanks.
By now, you have probably realised that sex per se isn't merely about the physical plane - the cultural, social & psychological influences on the individual, in fact, have more impact. Especially in Asia, there is a deep social stigma attached to the notion of pre-martial sex, which amplify anxiety level in the woman before any act of intimacy, hindering fulfillment, even if sex is achieved.
The most powerful sexual organ is in between your head. If the mind doesn't see it well, then chances are, sex will be bad because essential comfort is missing.
Intimacy cannot be fulfilling without high level of comfort. This comes certain degree of trust (even in a ONS situation, one generally 'trust' the other to be disease-free before committing the act).
You see in Love: Man suffers from approach anxiety, while woman suffers from intimacy anxiety. Simply because in an approach, the man becomes more vulnerable to rejection as he has more to invest and more to lose. In the same frequency, woman becomes more vulnerable in close intimacy, as she has more to invest, thus more to lose.
Hence, the source of anxiety derive from fear and incurring of higher risk.
Once you ROM - you are legally married in the eyes of the law and you also become 'MRS something'. It's perfectly normal to enjoy and engage love making, between husband and wife.
Your worries about unplanned pregnancy is reasonable - every pregnancy should be plan, especially in Singapore, where everything is about dollars and cents. But if because of calculated pregnancy, you eliminate love making altogether - you effectively abrogate one major physical component of Love, in a marriage setting. And this is something you might want to review.
Self awareness is very crucial - if you reckon that customary is the passport to love making (cultural factor), I would have advise that you put the ROM date on the same day or something, so that you won't have to go through a situation of 'Although I bought my car due to cheap COE, but now I can't drive to work because of $6 ERP'. (You can't change much now)
I am not suggesting that you should have kids in an unplanned fashion; that's why contraception is invented for a reason.
I will reiterate again: the most powerful sexual organ is in between your head - only by appeasing the mind can intimacy hope to occur.
There is no right or wrong beliefs - it's all about what you believe in.
Cheers
I am currently attached to one of the sweetest men I have ever known. We are going to register our marriage in a few weeks time but will only hold our customary banquet around a year later.
The problem is my husband would like to consummate our marriage as soon as possible, possibly after ROM but for me I would like to hold it back for a bit longer, preferably until after our customary marriage. We are both virgins and have not had any intercourse throughout our 3 year relationship, although of course we do indulge in petting every now and then to satisfy our urges.
Why would I want to wait longer? Maybe this is because I fear that I might get pregnant. Yes, I know there are condoms and all that, but all those can still fail to work at times. I know the percentage is very low, but I would rather be 100% sure that I will not get pregnant before the customary marriage. I am raised in a very conservative family and I know my parents would kill me if I dare to get into this kind of situation before the traditional wedding. And of course it wouldn't look appropriate for me to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown with a big tummy, would I? We are also not really financially stable to have a kid at this moment as both of us are still building our career and we also do not have our own house yet.
I am afraid if I give in and let him make love to me before the traditional wedding I might break down because I am not ready for it and my mind would be worrying about a lot of things so I would not be able to enjoy it. I really do love him very much and I want to make love with him more than ever but I just have this nagging concern in my mind everytime I thought of doing it before the banquet. Am I being unreasonable?
I am afraid of disappointing him yet I am afraid if I give in before I am 100% ready, it will turn out to be a disaster. Sigh. Do give some opinions on this issue.
Thanks.
By now, you have probably realised that sex per se isn't merely about the physical plane - the cultural, social & psychological influences on the individual, in fact, have more impact. Especially in Asia, there is a deep social stigma attached to the notion of pre-martial sex, which amplify anxiety level in the woman before any act of intimacy, hindering fulfillment, even if sex is achieved.
The most powerful sexual organ is in between your head. If the mind doesn't see it well, then chances are, sex will be bad because essential comfort is missing.
Intimacy cannot be fulfilling without high level of comfort. This comes certain degree of trust (even in a ONS situation, one generally 'trust' the other to be disease-free before committing the act).
You see in Love: Man suffers from approach anxiety, while woman suffers from intimacy anxiety. Simply because in an approach, the man becomes more vulnerable to rejection as he has more to invest and more to lose. In the same frequency, woman becomes more vulnerable in close intimacy, as she has more to invest, thus more to lose.
Hence, the source of anxiety derive from fear and incurring of higher risk.
Once you ROM - you are legally married in the eyes of the law and you also become 'MRS something'. It's perfectly normal to enjoy and engage love making, between husband and wife.
Your worries about unplanned pregnancy is reasonable - every pregnancy should be plan, especially in Singapore, where everything is about dollars and cents. But if because of calculated pregnancy, you eliminate love making altogether - you effectively abrogate one major physical component of Love, in a marriage setting. And this is something you might want to review.
Self awareness is very crucial - if you reckon that customary is the passport to love making (cultural factor), I would have advise that you put the ROM date on the same day or something, so that you won't have to go through a situation of 'Although I bought my car due to cheap COE, but now I can't drive to work because of $6 ERP'. (You can't change much now)
I am not suggesting that you should have kids in an unplanned fashion; that's why contraception is invented for a reason.
I will reiterate again: the most powerful sexual organ is in between your head - only by appeasing the mind can intimacy hope to occur.
There is no right or wrong beliefs - it's all about what you believe in.
Cheers
Sunday, June 15, 2008
The Big Groove 08
I know I am late for posting TBG, but hell, it was good stuff.
Poor Kexin cannot join us - but she has her own mission to fulfill.
Random shot from waiting. (Snapped Linda)
Cheers
Business as Usual
Ok business as usual.
Computer upgraded.
Problem bypassed.
Many thanks to HQ a.k.a Tetralite for his relentless attempts at resolving my computer crisis. (I am sorry that you didn't manage to Krump.. hah!)
Yes yes - like Ed Chen - business as usual.
Cheers
Computer upgraded.
Problem bypassed.
Many thanks to HQ a.k.a Tetralite for his relentless attempts at resolving my computer crisis. (I am sorry that you didn't manage to Krump.. hah!)
Yes yes - like Ed Chen - business as usual.
Cheers
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Human Revolution (Dance)
The lady in her 30s was a dancer and was trained as one since she was a little girl. Later she got into some kind of accident and lost her entire left arm. She was depressed for a few years. It seemed that someone asked her to coach a Children's dancing group. From that point on, she realized she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance. She wanted to dance again. So she started to do some of her old routines. But by her losing an arm, she also lost her balance. It took a while before she could even making simple turns and spins without falling. Eventually she got it.
Then she heard some guy in his 20s had lost a leg in an accident.
This guy also fell into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster. She looked him up (seemingly he was from a different Province) and persuaded him to dance with her. He had never danced. And to dance with one leg? Are you joking with me? No way.
But she didn't give up. He reluctantly agreed. " I have nothing else to do anyway." She started to teach him dancing 101. The two broke up a few times because the guy had no concept of using muscle, control his body, and a few other basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out. Eventually they came back together
and started training. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air. He could bend horizontally supported by one leg and she leaning on him, etc.
They danced beautifully and they legitimately beat others in the competition.
This is a classic example of Human Revolution - displaying the most artistic and beautiful expression of a human spirit, through a form called dance, not fettered by perceived unfair environment or circumstances and triumph over all difficult struggles.
Kherxin and I was talking the other day in some Bugis cafe and she was sharing the essence of why dancer dance?
'I danced because of dance itself.' (Quoted by this instructor whom I can't remember his name).
In midst of all that mundane distractions in our daily life, often, we find ourselves forgetting the original intention on why we even started dancing in the first place.
It's nothing else but simply because we like doing something we like to do. Period.
I think we need to fall back on our core every time when doubts or uncertainty surface occasionally.
It's the same for the identity of the group.
We need to be focus on why we even come together. Because only then - in perfect one mind - could we assist each other to achieve a common dream that we could possibly carry for eternity.
I was glad to be invited to the overnight Kenshu on Saturday until Sunday. Understanding the intense struggles that the pioneers fought with the organization during the earlier days in SSA, unconsciously made me linked back to something closer back home - the crew.
This is the time when things are beginning to take shape.
And the worst struggle have yet to come.
But we will surmount anything, collectively as one being.
Cheers
Then she heard some guy in his 20s had lost a leg in an accident.
This guy also fell into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster. She looked him up (seemingly he was from a different Province) and persuaded him to dance with her. He had never danced. And to dance with one leg? Are you joking with me? No way.
But she didn't give up. He reluctantly agreed. " I have nothing else to do anyway." She started to teach him dancing 101. The two broke up a few times because the guy had no concept of using muscle, control his body, and a few other basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out. Eventually they came back together
and started training. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air. He could bend horizontally supported by one leg and she leaning on him, etc.
They danced beautifully and they legitimately beat others in the competition.
This is a classic example of Human Revolution - displaying the most artistic and beautiful expression of a human spirit, through a form called dance, not fettered by perceived unfair environment or circumstances and triumph over all difficult struggles.
Kherxin and I was talking the other day in some Bugis cafe and she was sharing the essence of why dancer dance?
'I danced because of dance itself.' (Quoted by this instructor whom I can't remember his name).
In midst of all that mundane distractions in our daily life, often, we find ourselves forgetting the original intention on why we even started dancing in the first place.
It's nothing else but simply because we like doing something we like to do. Period.
I think we need to fall back on our core every time when doubts or uncertainty surface occasionally.
It's the same for the identity of the group.
We need to be focus on why we even come together. Because only then - in perfect one mind - could we assist each other to achieve a common dream that we could possibly carry for eternity.
I was glad to be invited to the overnight Kenshu on Saturday until Sunday. Understanding the intense struggles that the pioneers fought with the organization during the earlier days in SSA, unconsciously made me linked back to something closer back home - the crew.
This is the time when things are beginning to take shape.
And the worst struggle have yet to come.
But we will surmount anything, collectively as one being.
Cheers
SSA TImes 326 (28 May 08)
哎哟，我们家Yvonne和Kherxin竟然上了SSA报了。
大家请翻倒第五页。 谢谢。
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！
P.S: To read chinese characters, please encode to Unicode UTF-8
吃二死
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Stillness
Individualism and disillusionment
It's much more pervasive than I thought
I am disappointed
Probably with myself
It's much more pervasive than I thought
I am disappointed
Probably with myself
Monday, May 26, 2008
Can Money Buy Happiness?
Can Money Buy Happiness or Not?
Wharton study shows link between wealth, well-being
Business Times 26 May 08
(
Researchers at the
While this may seem logical to some, the research flew in the face of a longstanding theory that happiness of a country's population does not rise with income, after certain basic needs are met.
This theory, dubbed the Easterlin Paradox, was developed in 1974 by Richard Easterlin, an economist currently on the faculty at the
Mr Easterlin's research had drawn on surveys notably from
Wharton economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers contend in the new research that better data over the past three decades and a closer analysis suggests that the Easterlin Paradox is flawed.
They found that the wealthiest countries in terms of gross domestic product (GDP) per capita rank near the top of surveys on happiness, with the poorest at the bottom. More significantly, within each country, higher incomes translated to higher ratings of life satisfaction, they found.
'There appears to be a very strong relationship between subjective well-being and income, which holds for both rich and poor countries, falsifying earlier claims of a satiation point at which higher GDP is not associated with greater well-being,' they say in a paper to be published by the Brookings Institution.
'The Easterlin Paradox says that what I care about is my relative ranking in society,' Ms Stevenson told AFP. 'It says economic development doesn't matter at all - that the
The results have important implications for public policy. Ms Stevenson and Mr Wolfers noted that economic growth might not be considered an important policy goal if it does little to raise well-being.
The Wharton researchers said that multi-nation surveys such as the Gallup World Poll and the Pew Global Attitudes Survey reveal 'quite powerful effects of income on happiness'. 'There is no evidence of a satiation point,' Mr Wolfers told AFP. 'Even as rich counties get richer, they appear to get happier.' The researchers said that they were not seeking to make any political point or support an ideology.
Although backers of the Easterlin theory said that it argues against unbridled pro-growth capitalism, Ms Stevenson said that the new research could also be used to promote more distribution of wealth.
'A 10 per cent increase in income for a poor person will give you the same gain (in happiness) as a 10 per cent gain for a rich person but it would cost a lot less,' she said.
Accordingly, she said that redistributing income from the rich to the poor could increase a country's overall happiness quotient.
Mr Easterlin, meanwhile, stands by his research, updated several times since the 1970s.
In a 2004 paper, he said that surveys continue to support his thesis.
'Contrary to what economic theory assumes, more money does not make people happier,' he wrote.
'Most people could increase their happiness by devoting less time to making money, and more to non-pecuniary goals such as family life and health,' Mr Easterlin said.
'It's necessary to separate shorter term fluctuations in which GDP and happiness are positively related from the long-term association between growth and happiness,' he said in comments e-mailed to AFP.
'The conclusions of (the Wharton) paper appear to be based on the short-term association and do not contradict the findings regarding the longer term.' The new research, meanwhile, has set off a fierce debate among scholars. -- AFP
I recalled the gist of book 'Buddha in the Mirror', which reiterated about the classic example of what the above referred to as 'Relative Happiness'. People measured their happiness economically or also known as the 'Treasures of the Storehouse', as quoted by Nichiren, have their happiness devoted to material possession that are subjected to the Law of Impermanence, which are fleeting and ultimately not substantial or eternal.
The sixth world of Rapture - in which people reveled in their pursuit of relative happiness, are still subjected to the fluctuation of the lower six worlds. In fact, as the novelty of materialism often wanes faster than the journey it takes for your food to pass out as waste - upon consumption. In order to retrace back the route to this world, people begin to gorge themselves with more material possessions to recreate the feeling of novelty and temporal fulfillment of relative happiness, seeking to create an empty identity within this saha world. Sadly, they have only fallen into the world of hunger, perpetually craving for mundane desires that cannot be sated.
This hunger grows astronomically and the Law of Economics would have explained it well: 'Desire are unlimited, but resources are limited' - hence, people end up leading a desiccate life as they reasoned to themselves that they would be happier with more money or material possession and constantly feeling inadequate.
I will quote a verse from the bible, which I learned in my earlier days in school and coincidentally, it falls under St Mark 8:36: "For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?'
I realized my journey with Nichiren Buddhism has enhanced my expansive world of philosophy and knowledge. And the incredible thing about the Lotus Sutra is that it does not point towards a given direction, but rather a proposing a meandering path towards Buddhahood, focusing on the means and not the end itself.
I recalled the time of ecstasy during Soccer Celebrity Match last year when we did our inaugural performance of forty people under UP. Or even the M&D festival in which I acted for the first freaking time in my life.
Manz - that awesome experience was at least 24 times stronger than the novelty of me buying my Bape Jamaican in Hong Kong. There was absolutely no way I could constantly upkeep dope underground labels, but for me to enter into the performance arena with my brothers and sisters was entirely possible.
I recalled fondly the oxymoron: I was so fucking poor, but I felt so rich.
Thus, first hand experience says it all: although money can buy relative happiness, to build our happiness onto this unstable model is ultimately unsustainable. It is as if we are stuck with an eternal hunger, consuming everything possible, yet still finding it an inability to resolve the hunger pangs.
It's critical to understand that our attitude towards our life, in any given circumstances, determines our outcome in happiness.
True happiness is generated from within - not bestowed from external causes.
P.S: Yaya says must share something with HR Crew on 'Buddha in your Mirror', so I corresponded it with the Business Times article. So any lengthy views, just post it on comments tag - shoutbox cannot take lengthy words.
Cheers
Sunday, May 25, 2008
StarHub Chicken Rice
星和海南鸡饭?
StarHub Chicken Rice! =D
P.S: To view Chinese characters, please go to view and encode to Unicode (UTF-8)
Cheers
Aunt Agony 250508
Originally posted by DivineDespair:
It was first love, so innocent and pure. The type you'd know that this was the ONE and you would sacifice anything, the time, the money even your life for it to flourish. 2.5 years of endless devotion, can to an abrupt end one day. She was kind to let me down easy, tried to explain it was her fault and even to "scold" her if i was unhappy. Being the teenage egoistic male filled with pride and never to "lose face" in a situation like this, i consented that it was ok. She even explained that if she wasn't the one i was intending to marry, it would have to end somewhere. I agreed and we parted.
Unknowing the her, i was totally devestated by this. My whole world from everything i knew, did and believed in was suddenly taken away. The life in me was drained, and there was this hugh "love" vacuum to be filled. I got attached again but this relationship had to be ended by me, as i finally realized that it was unfair of me to love somebody for the wrong reasons. I didn't know how to love again, the sameway i had always knew.I lived my life, more careful of my feelings, more reserved. Never being able to commit myself.
Time passes by and i live my life . Now and then the memories do resurface and haunt me. Sometimes, out of the blue, i dream of her, and it totally destabilizes the day for me. One such day happened 5 years ago, out of curiosity, i went to search ROM and to my "surprise" i found that she had registered about 2 years ago. I felt there was no point in waiting anymore. Deep inside i was hoping for something to happen despite not having contact for ~8 years. Within a month, i proposed to my current girlfriend and we got married the subsequent year.
Just yesterday (~15 years since), i stumbled upon her facebook entry. Being a private one, i could see her together with her daugher. Something deep inside starts to rekindle, some emotions that makes me feel uneasy. I've been off center for the last 24 hrs. I'm really happy for her and bear no grudges as i should have matured through all this time. But there is something deep inside me that has made me feel uneasy. Something i think i should have said on that fateful breakup day or sometime sooner. I know it sounds ridiculous to be hoping for anything now, and i'm not. I myself have a daughter and she means the world to me and i would never do anything to hurt her.
But there is something in my soul that needs addressing, something that i have to address before i depart from this planet. I just need to tell her (without any hope or agenda) that "I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".
I feel that i have to seal this chapter in my life, which was never really closed for 15 years. But then again it sounds crazy to contact someone who you've not contacted for 15 years and say this. Now that our lives have moved on.
What should i do??
P.S. If any of you had watch "Love actually", i can truely relate to the character Mark that is secretly in love with Kiera knightley's character, but didn't have the courage to tell her, because as he says "its a self preservation thing". Not allowing himself to succumb to the despair of knowing that they can never be together. Kiera married his best friend.
I find it extremely disturbing to hear stories of how an individual would so absurdly delude their ideology of a perfect love by equating it to a proposed fantasy figure, just simply because the feelings were the most intensive and the 'I-know-she-is-the-one.' false prophesy.
This karmic relationship is nothing but fatuous love.
All this emotional misery is caused by the seemingly unbreakable attachment and bondage to this karmic relationship that is wholesomely one sided and narcissistic. In tarot, the Devil best represents the condition of such relationship.
There is so much self conjuration of melodrama - filled with narcissism and disillusionment. I think it's doleful to see people with perfectly nice marriages saying that their greatest failure in love is never having to marry or continue a relationship with ‘That One' till the very end. That loose equivalent of a soul mate, first love, best love, or whatever you termed it, gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, domestic violence and the what's not.
And the incredible thing is that people seek to find strength in corroborating this afflicted mindset through media, movies, music, books or simply taking selective perspective and biased conclusion whenever they listened to people’s stories and reaffirmed this one-sided view on their take of their own relationship.
I have seen first hand, people grouping together as they howled in pain by reminiscing and negatively strengthening their false love identity with their fantasy figure/s - even fate has blatantly revealed that he/she has no more greater plans in their lives.
This is crazy! How depressing would it be for your wife, who have given her heart to you through love and marriage, only to discover that she is but a second class citizen to another person, which time should have disintegrate her presence into the pages of history in your lifespan and shrine of memory.
This is not merely a commentary point of view because I walked through similar path and ate the same shit, albeit now it still affects me occasionally. The only difference between you and I is that I transformed this regret into perfecting my soul and cultivate deeper understanding in Love.
I took the spiritual path towards enlightenment in Love and pen down my discovery in my own book and gradually see myself grow from my own encounters.
I recalled writing this phenomenon in CloUdiSm under Ritual Closure – people who are unable to seal certain chapter in love, despite the passing of time, and seek to attempt some form of ‘ritual-like’ action or behavior to conclude episode/s. You reckoned that there is this need for you to go up to her and tell her that you really loved her back then and what you said fifteen years ago is nothing but a lie and all that stuff – this is your attempt at weaving the ‘ritual’ to process a closure for that chapter.
But what you are blinded to see is that her presence in your life has absolutely nothing to do with or without knowing that you truly loved her back then. The real gist of that entire scenario functions as an expedient means to reveal that one should treasure our love ones every single moment in life and that one must never fetter the purest form of self expression in love!
Fifteen years and that foolishness carried on without any attempt at clarification or enlightenment. True as I have wrote about seven years ago, ‘Love has absolutely nothing to do with our chronological age.’ In fact, our judgment in Love is often clouded, not by reasoning, but by the lack of wisdom to perceive our situation holistically in love and relationship, which fuels our misery and suffering.
There is no such thing as a perfect lover – only imperfect people attempting to forge a perfect relationship. As what I have told BaByBoy – you must learn to release yourself from this emotional imprisonment because this option is only available to you from within. Nobody or nothing can make you realize this other than yourself
Cheers
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Aunt Agony 220508
Originally posted by Upset gal:
What does it mean to be faithful? Is it just "not having done anything"? What is acceptable in society in this present world?
If I married guy tells a girl that he misses her and proposes to meet in some dark corner, is this acceptable? even if it is supposed to be a joke?
Scenario :
Married guy to girl colleague - Miss you, shall we meet in some dark corner?
Questions :
1. Is this considered unfaithful to married guy's partner?
2. What if married guy "has not done anything"?
3. Can a 3rd party reading this take it to mean as a tease?
Where does the fault starts? From reasoning or behaviour?
Can we safely say that one is guilty of 'sinning in love', even if infidelity does not manifest into behaviour?
I am not commenting the above idea along with the logic of 'One must see fire before one understands the destruction of a conflagration' - but rather, if a fire is sure to occur, there's little you can do to stop it.
In simple: you might be interested to know what's going on between your man and his colleague, but I think prior to that, it's equally important to understand where did the inflection first begin that led him astray potentially. Evolutionary Psychologist would have claim that monogamy is against the instinct of man and it's part of the Natural Selection to spread his seeds - but that's only if human are without cognition and a spiritual soul, as the latter is extremely crucial in our development in Love.
I think we all must come to an understanding that we cannot stop people from leaving or becoming unfaithful if that is what someone desired. Love and marriage is bounded by freewill - even transcendental beings are powerless to meddle against the freewill in Love. Therefore, if this very freewill is geared towards committing transgression, unless components of the source is evolved, if not the consequences are often dire.
Because I do not know your man, neither does your relationship - it's almost impossible to make accurate assessment as you ain't clear yourself. Knowing this, I say, take some ample time to understand your entire issue first. Avoid jumping into conclusion, thinking that your man is promiscuous. There might be suggestions, but there are many dimensions to unfaithfulness and some of these might not be intrinsically motivated (which means that a marriage is still potentially salvageable, for as long as certain components of the push factors is resolved).
P.S: Before I end my post, I just like to say: please do not dismiss divorce from your option totally. I am not encouraging you to consider this ultimatum, but rather, you still must allow yourself this option IF development of your situation becomes irrevocably putrid. Nobody should suffer abuse, neglect or helplessness over a vast period of time, without any viable mode to change their circumstances.
You don't have to use it, but you must be able to find it when you need it.
This is what I am advocating.
Cheers
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
HR Crew Training 之 One Minute Choreo (18 May 08)
Today is the dreaded one minute choreo.
I admit I was damn anyhow - but hell, actually, I thought it was quite fun actually.
For those who did not showcase today, just to let you know - die die also must do... cannot run away one... MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Random pics for the day.
Cheers
I admit I was damn anyhow - but hell, actually, I thought it was quite fun actually.
For those who did not showcase today, just to let you know - die die also must do... cannot run away one... MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Random pics for the day.
Cheers
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Aunt Agony 140508
Originally posted by clyde1985:
hi everyone, need some advice, story is a bit long sorry about that.
got to know this girl in the same uni class, dint really know her at first but somehow got to know each other better a month ago. contacted her abt my other friend whom i tot he was in trouble, n somehow we got closer and talked to each other on the phone almost every night. went out a few times in a large group and went out alone with her twice. at the start, i just wanted to know her more out of curiosity, but somehow we jus have endless topics to chat about and she confided in me about her problems. it was during exams period and we studied together everyday, i would make it a point to send her home everytime we go out.
i tot of her as a platonic friend, but dint knew i fell for her. there was this once i sent her home when she told me not to treat her so gd if nt she will fall for me, i brushed aside that statement carelessly, n dint tot much of that.
i told her i liked her, and she said she liked me too. everything happened kind of fast. the problem is she has a boyfriend of 3 years and does not want to be unfaithful towards him. he is in national service. i know i might be just a temporary refuge as an emotional support or something better than a normal friend but i jus kept falling deeper. she made statements like curbing her feelings towards me and tellling herself to stop liking me, to which i refuted with anger and din accept those stuff. she would love to play mind games with me and make me guess wad she was thinking, and would make hurtful statements sometimes.
i made her cried , when i had enough n told her i would stop smsing her n bothering her, cause i know in the end she will not leave her bf. i dont know why she can say these stuff and i cant.
our sms towards each other gradually lessened and now that exams are over, we dont see each other everyday anymore. 2 days ago i stopped smsing her totally and she asked me why dint receive my msg for so long, to which i replied that she doesnt reply me when she is with boyfriend and sms her also no use. we talked briefly yesterday on the phone and was going out today when she cancelled it and i jus hecked it. i would pacify her everytime whenever she got angry, and i tot i jus dont want to do that anymore. our sms jus became colder. i guess
i am very confused n sad, i asked friends for advice and they told me if it aint got any ending and i got to stop hurting myself. i know about that but somehow not willing to, cause i tot if 2 people liked each other, i dont know why we cant be together. i tell myself everyday to be her a good friend, and jus let it go but still miss her a great deal. we only know each other for not long, n i dont know why i liked her so much.
in any case i am 23 this year, to my friends i am a lively yet rational person that dishes out advice to them whenever they need it. i cant comprehend why i am not rational anymore.
please tell me what i should do, any advice will really be appreciated a great deal
thank you for reading and your time, hopefully will get a response from any of you which can help me. =)
Actually this is quite a classic situation because it's when the unconscious aspect of love is brought forth consciously through various catalysis and situational factors, it often creates a demand so robust that it strikes you like a growing hunger and subconsciously relates an unfathomed behavior you too failed to understand.
It's quite simple here: in the beginning, you tell yourself that you are merely viewing her as a platonic friend, but your behavior increasingly worked to promote deeper emotional connection. And all these behaviors are concealed in name of platonic friendship. You claimed a trait of being a rational person - it kinda affirmed my belief that this 'rationalization, logical, systematic and organized persona' in face of love acts pretty much as a facade in your earlier denial to foster a path towards creating probable relationship with this lady, with or without the consideration her existing boyfriend.
Freud classified it as a form of defensive mechanism. So does Noel Tyl, I believe.
Still considered platonic? Nah. That facade has shattered a million pieces when she revealed a possibility that she might just fall for you. This brought the unconscious desire into light and consciously, your dormant affection begin to multiply like some kind of emotional cancerous cells because there seemed to be reciprocation and it suggested a reduced possibility in being rejected and thus lessen the fear to advance.
There are times when people tell me how 'platonic' it all began and when I read into their personality and attitude, I realized that the concept of platonic friendship can hardly existing into their psychological framework (esp some of the self proclaimed 'nice guys'). It's just doesn't sound convincing because it just doesn't seem to fit and when they relate this as part of the tale, very often, yunhaier dismissed it as mere facade for love to advance undercover.
CloUdiSm states two kind of platonic friendship:
Pseudo-Platonic: natural selection would consider the 'friend' a possibility of a mate. It's often a KIV relationship, potential but not manifesting until an eventful trigger.
True Platonic: BGR will never manifest between the two.
I will quote what you have posted:
[Originally quoted by Clyde1985]: 'Cause I know in the end, she will not leave her bf.'
There... you have your answer on the above classification I have stated.
And next, you have your woman.
She is probably in need of companionship while her boyfriend is away. She is keenly aware of her situation, but has decided that she will not leave her boyfriend during this period. This is critical, because what happens is that it is suggestive of the fact that she would remain faithful unless there are compelling reason for her to deter away.
If a man preoccupied her time and took on 'roles' that her boyfriend would normally do, this substitution is perfect. Because this man fits the exact criteria of what you would deemed as a perfect shelter for the moment. You might create a pull factor, but if there isn't a push factor from within, chances are, your attempt will fail. Yes, there are alternatives to rework this situation, but unless you are really well-versed in AOS or stuff, I reckon don't bother employing more resources to take on something beyond what you can manage.
If you feel ambivalent about mind games and you can't handle such tricks, just quit - you probably regulate your loss more effectively this way. If you find it difficult to face subtle rejection, then it might be somewhat beneficial for you and her to remain separated for a period. It doesn't mean two people who like each other would end up being together as the ultimate acceptance of a relationship is a complex model and isn't as linear as you originally proposed.
P.S: In love, being rational served little purpose - it's all about intrapersonal skills and experience.
Cheers
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Aunt Agony 110508
Originally posted by daigooro:
I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you guys but I've surf SGforums forums for close to 3 years already but I never once posted before. Tonight was the first time that I felt really lost and I had no one to turn to. The person that always guided me along was the very same one that made me lost.
I got to know this friend from another one of my friend around 8 months ago. He was helping me with a project; a project involving a module that I wasn't really good in. I didn't really noticed him over time cause he was in a different class from me so we didn't really had much contact.
So by a twist of fate i found myself hanging out with him alot, through dota, through movies and etc as his class and mine were very close. So as time goes by we are really close, more of like younger brother and older brothers.
So recently I notice people talking abt us, saying how close we are and how we might be gay couples. At first it was really fine as we took it for being a joke and such. We didn't really cared abt their comments though, outsiders mah, why let them affect our friendship.
But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.
He said he didn't like peer pressure and he once suffered before in the past. So now if there would be peer pressure he would just leave this friendship and everyone else also. He said his pride and ego wouldn't allow him to ignore those comments made by people.
But what he said was really hurting. I thought we were good friends? Why would he let go of our friendship just because of what people say? We even promise each other that we would be the best man for each other during our weddings and yet he is unable to ignore what people say?
I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him alot. He's a really good friend.
So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to already..
Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time posting a thread here..
XOXO,
BigBear.
Social conformity and gender scripting.
The society we live in reward behaviors that appeared to be gender-appropriate and punish, in various aspect, behaviors that does not go in sync with norm are often criticized. Eventually, much as we would like to live according to our own ideals, it's difficult to eliminate the negative response exuding from our environment that tries to shape us to what the majority is like. People love to judge accordingly to what they perceive in their own limited understand and knowledge of what they think you, him or your relationship is.
Do you agree or disagree? Because that answer will determine whether you bother about whatever entity outside yourself believes in.
Apparently, social pressure is something very real. Likely, it isn't just about the relationship; it could be such that (1) you might display unconscious effeminate behavior or (2) your emotional attachment to this guy is beyond what an average guy would normally give to another guy, thus that could possibly give rise to such a conclusion by people around you - that you two are gay couple.
Whether this is true or not, actually it matters little. Because as long as you are clear about your own sexual identity, being heterosexual (unless you have resolved an identity crisis and clarify that you are actually homosexual), that's all that you need to know.
I know this guy, who is quite effeminate in his mannerism and once thought he might not be straight, but hell, he is getting married later this year.
Sees this as an opportunity to expand your social circle. I mean, it's good that you have a good brother/friend that you can trust and count on, but you are still young and it's essential that you learn to socialize with other people, than to cling merely onto one person for companionship. Have a healthy mix of both girls and guys in your social circle and people with similar interest or ideals.
It's not the end of friendship imho, just a transition that you have to manage.
Cheers
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