Originally posted by daigooro:
I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you guys but I've surf SGforums forums for close to 3 years already but I never once posted before. Tonight was the first time that I felt really lost and I had no one to turn to. The person that always guided me along was the very same one that made me lost.
I got to know this friend from another one of my friend around 8 months ago. He was helping me with a project; a project involving a module that I wasn't really good in. I didn't really noticed him over time cause he was in a different class from me so we didn't really had much contact.
So by a twist of fate i found myself hanging out with him alot, through dota, through movies and etc as his class and mine were very close. So as time goes by we are really close, more of like younger brother and older brothers.
So recently I notice people talking abt us, saying how close we are and how we might be gay couples. At first it was really fine as we took it for being a joke and such. We didn't really cared abt their comments though, outsiders mah, why let them affect our friendship.
But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.
He said he didn't like peer pressure and he once suffered before in the past. So now if there would be peer pressure he would just leave this friendship and everyone else also. He said his pride and ego wouldn't allow him to ignore those comments made by people.
But what he said was really hurting. I thought we were good friends? Why would he let go of our friendship just because of what people say? We even promise each other that we would be the best man for each other during our weddings and yet he is unable to ignore what people say?
I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him alot. He's a really good friend.
So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to already..
Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time posting a thread here..
XOXO,
BigBear.
Social conformity and gender scripting.
The society we live in reward behaviors that appeared to be gender-appropriate and punish, in various aspect, behaviors that does not go in sync with norm are often criticized. Eventually, much as we would like to live according to our own ideals, it's difficult to eliminate the negative response exuding from our environment that tries to shape us to what the majority is like. People love to judge accordingly to what they perceive in their own limited understand and knowledge of what they think you, him or your relationship is.
Do you agree or disagree? Because that answer will determine whether you bother about whatever entity outside yourself believes in.
Apparently, social pressure is something very real. Likely, it isn't just about the relationship; it could be such that (1) you might display unconscious effeminate behavior or (2) your emotional attachment to this guy is beyond what an average guy would normally give to another guy, thus that could possibly give rise to such a conclusion by people around you - that you two are gay couple.
Whether this is true or not, actually it matters little. Because as long as you are clear about your own sexual identity, being heterosexual (unless you have resolved an identity crisis and clarify that you are actually homosexual), that's all that you need to know.
I know this guy, who is quite effeminate in his mannerism and once thought he might not be straight, but hell, he is getting married later this year.
Sees this as an opportunity to expand your social circle. I mean, it's good that you have a good brother/friend that you can trust and count on, but you are still young and it's essential that you learn to socialize with other people, than to cling merely onto one person for companionship. Have a healthy mix of both girls and guys in your social circle and people with similar interest or ideals.
It's not the end of friendship imho, just a transition that you have to manage.
Cheers
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