Aunt Agony 190608

Originally posted by delores:

I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.

No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.

He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago. His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.

I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.

I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.

I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.

I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.

I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.

He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.

I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?

There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.

So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy i suppose.

I am a loser rite?



By now, you would have harshly learn that a marriage cannot change a man unless he is willing to allow his marriage to change him. And I can ask you: why should he change? Just because he is married?

That's already very naive to begin with.

The women that flocked to him projected one typical structure of Love's cosmic lesson - of uncommitment and unavailability. CloUdiSm states 'we attract the quality we exude' - hence, those who are unavailable or uncommitted themselves attracts mates that demonstrate such personality. This is the essential reason why your man continues to attract slattern simply because he hasn't evolved his spirit and personality.

You willingly chose a man that cannot remain faithful and an evolutionist psychologist would claim that Natural Selection (his ability to better provide the environment or genes component for replication) overwhelmed all factors in love. It's no wonder you are suffering in your marriage because at you sow the cause of wrong reason for marriage and thus effecting the law of causation, channeled through this karmic relationship.

I can pinpoint to you how this vicious cycle persist with the absence of wisdom and higher self awareness:

Originally posted by delores:

[Quote] I came from a divorce family, I hated it when the teacher in class asked me...every yr when they ask personal details at the beginning of each yr. Then it become a topic .u need to explain every yr [unquote]

You loathed the chaos in your early childhood years. You reckoned that you have already moved on from that episode, but I can tell you that this history still binds you till this very day, like an unbreakable adamantine chain. What happens is that you probably chose an escapist route in your developmental stages in Love. You are at no wrong to desire a warm home, happy family with lovely children and husband, but you are missing one critical ingredient to manifest this dream into reality.

It is the Self.

How can such fulfillment be attained without first changing the self component, which has been mutilated and distorted through the passing of time and the negativity of one's environment? One will not be able to find a home in the external world without first seeking to find a home in the internal realm. Love, as pristine as it can get, is an unadulterated innate energy coming from within - which is why a miserable person, thinking that Love is going to save him/her, despite being in different environment, still ends up being miserable because that sort of union is often for reasons outside 'Love'.

In summary of the entire mambo jambo above: you are simply paying your guts off your lack of wisdom and enlightenment of yourself & in areas of Love and certain essential Love cosmic lessons that wasn't mastered previously. Your fixedly nature (worst if Taurus, Scorpio, Leo or Aquarius) also lockdown your ability to make decision for yourself to get out of misery, mimicking your earlier childhood experience of learned helplessness.

Just as you initially wanted to flee from your chaotic home environment, hoping to make a fresh start with your marriage to construct an ideal family, you end up recreating your earlier chaos.

Irony isn't it?

And trust me, he won't divorce you. Why should he give up a woman who can tolerate his promiscuous ways? LIke you, when the day he give up spreading his seeds randomly, at least he still knows that there is somebody back at home waiting for him. Your man isn't stupid, he knows that if he converts free fuck into committed fuck, it is going to cost him much more.

And no, he is not thinking about your emotional well-being. Why?

Because your relationship begins from an open relationship. Therefore, you set your foot the exact same way as how all these women began and all these women loved him for the same reasons you did. The rule of uncommitment does not take emotional well-being into consideration because this is how an open relationship is being played: mutual exchange of needs. Period.

He made a mistake - he got you pregnant.

He learned. Now he won't make the mistake twice.

I think you need to anchor your life into something deeper. To find meaning outside that of your relationship and for once, get to know and rediscover yourself.

You must find an answer from within to move forward and not remain stagnant at where you are. If interested, I can PM/share with you my Buddhist practice that might be able to achieve just that.

Cheers